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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 123. page
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I'm in a relationship with an extreme codependent. Actually, we're married. He's one of the more stable people I've been with funny enough in that he's very patient and calm, but he emotionally needs to talk to me constantly. That was fine at first, even up early into the marriage, and I figured it'd fade with time as clinginess usually does, but I feel suffocated.

I can't tell him. Any pulling away hurts him to tears. I've taken to lying just to get some solo time. I realize I made a mistake by thinking he will change at all, and this isn't a dealbreaker, but I'm a private person who needs a lot of personal space to be happy (reading, pursuing my degree, my work from home job, hobbies in general).

I don't want to lose the relationship. I just don't know how to bring up with him that I need some space.
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>>17769856
Honesty?
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>>17769856
>I just need some space
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>>17769856
>this isn't a dealbreaker, but I'm a private person who needs a lot of personal space to be happy (reading, pursuing my degree, my work from home job, hobbies in general).

It's like wanting to be alone, but needing someone because you fear loneliness.
Sounds like a deal breaker to me.

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Hi /adv/
/tg/ grognard here, first time I come to this board. My question is simple but I can't find a satisfying answer.
How do I sabotage a cigarette? I don't want to make it explode or taste bad or anything. Just make it impossible to smoke.
Thanks /adv/!
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>>17769846
>25 year veteran of two packets a day reporting in

There's two ways you can do it.

The first is wetting it - it doesn't need to be soaked, even just a little bit damp will do, like a spray from a squirty bottle or something. That makes it nigh on impossible to light, and even if you do manage it it'll keep going out. However, this method is only temporary - the fag will be fine once it's dried out.

Option two is to make a small cut or tear. It...
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>>17769846
Why do you want to do this?
>>
>>17769908
This.

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I guess I just need to vent a little, but maybe you guys have a good input that'll help me out.

I feel incredibly lonely right now. I'll turn 25 this saturday, and last year around the same time I promised myself I would manage to not be single for my next birthday. I failed. It wouldn't be as frustrating if I wasn't processing a current rejection, however that's happened and it eats at me despite me doing my best to not pick at the wound. Ironically enough, it's gotten worse as time moved on. The moment my crush said no, I was fine with it. I didn't even want to dwell on it too much, because I already knew deep down that she doesn't see me that way. I still somehow marinated in it and it started to burden me more and more.

On top of that, I'm not really in a position to meet new women to have somebody to distract myself. I'm a relative poorfag, I make some money as on-demand stagehand, but it's not enough to regularly go out, plus I hate going to "clubs" and as a recent occurence showed they're not even letting me in thanks to my attire. It's not shabby but far from fancy. So there's a place with lots of women that I'm not going to hang around. Tinder hasn't worked so far and I'm not really comfortable using other online platforms, so that's also currently bringing me down.

This weekend was supposed to be fun. Actually have plans for a weekend trip with friends (unrelated to my birthday, just happened to be on the same date), but now I'm pretty sure I'll be moping and possibly even sobbing all the time.
6 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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>>17769845
If your only goal for yourself each year is to "not be single"... you essentially answer your own question as to why it isn't happening.

Looking back on my 20s, if I would have pursued any other activity at the extent of what I pursued pussy, I would be a millionaire by now.
>>
You have to start by working on you OP. Women love confidence, if you show desperation or putting yourself down for your current situation,they will sense it and flee. Enjoy the weekend for what it is, a time to have fun with friends. It's ok to be sad, but don't purposefully sabotage yourself. Actually go with the intention to have fun. Maybe bring up the topic in a way that will help you. Ask for dating tips, ask for their input on where to meet people that you can afford. I'd say try where you will meet someone with similar interests. Like the outdoors? Go...
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>>17769857
I see what you mean, however I wouldn't say it's a conscious focus. It's a nagging feeling in my chest that comes up everytime I see couples or when I have a quiet moment to myself. It's the suddenness and unexpected gravity of it coming up this evening that's made me make this thread, because otherwise I would've rationalised it away.

>>17769872
Thanks for the kind words anon. I've been thinking about those things and they're...
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GUIDELINES:
Before you post a question, check the FAQ to see if it's already been answered.
Keep questions short for more answers.
If you're not going to like honest answers, don't ask your question.
And please no derailing arguments.

FAQ:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
>Would you date a virgin?
><random insecurity>
Some...
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Is it a common for guys to believe that their gf (or even ex gf) will always be there for them? Even if she moves on and gets in a new relationship?
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>>17769836
No.
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>>17769836
Nope. The second we are no longer together, she is missing presumed dead for me.

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Should I ever let my kids know that I have a criminal record? I don't want them to find it out of nowhere and get mad at me.
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>>17769801
It'll catch up with you at some point, you might as well tell them
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>>17769801
What's the record for, and how old are your kids? I guess you could mention it if it comes up in the natural flow of conversation, or if you have to discipline them you could bring it up then if it's relevant.

The only good reason I can think of to bring it up with them is if it's something that's easy to find - like if you're on a sex offenders list, or googling your name brings up a newspaper article about how you knocked off a jewellers. If your kid's friends find out about...
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>>17769853
I was arrested for disorderly conduct way back. my kids are between the ages of 10-13.

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How do you tell when a girl is hitting on you instead of just being friendly?
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>>17769781
Fugg
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>>17769781
Consider the situation, is she going out of her way to do this? Are you a fuggo and she's calling you a 7/10? Is she a barista and you're ordering a drink?
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>>17769781
1. Compare her behavior around you with her behavior around other random guys
2. Pay attention to body language: more eye contact, feet positioned toward you, hair brushing / grooming, these are all good signs
3. Don't bring up anything sexual, and see how long it takes her to bring up a sexual topic

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I turn out to always be the bitch of a group. I think it's because after I become friends with people, I start to say really dumb stuff sometimes, which gives them a reason to make fun of me. I want to figure out how to reestablishing myself within a group of friends by either becoming the leader or at least not the bitch or close to the bitch. I think I need to learn how to roast people back, because people usually roast me on my fatness or some of the stupid stuff I say..
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>>17769722
It sounds like they're not just "roasting" you, they're criticizing problems in your behavior. You're not the bitch of the group for no reason. I don't think throwing insults back would help you here. Maybe you should actually take some of it to heart, learn to say less "stupid shit," and maybe actually lose some weight too. These are problems that you could fix
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>>17769729
I agree with that anon. They are trying to tell you something. Maybe try to listen, even if the leason is worded insulting and humiliating. It's still a lesson to learn
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>>17769735
I am trying to change because I have noticed I talk to much and make stupid comments. How long do you think it will take for them to see that I've changed. and for them to stop saying humiliating shit?

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Hello /adv/. Need some help here.

This might be a little messy because I want to keep it straight to the point. Ask any questions if needed.

I've been crushing on this guy for awhile now. (He doesn't know this.) We're pretty close, and he tells me everything. We used to talk everyday, and while he seemed to enjoy my company, I always had to start a conversation. He does start conversations with other people, though.

He just broke up with his girlfriend, and said he needed some space. I told him I understood and would be there to support him....
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>>17769716
I feel you in kind of the same situation just with a girl.
If you are friends ask him to hang out.
And do start conversation with him try to show it more.
And again if you are friends than you can tell him how you feel ask him to just hang out and talk to him about it, if he doesn't want to date you there's not a lot you can do about it.
Can't force someone to love you.
That is what I'm planing to do with me friend at least
>>
I mean, ask him out to hand out, and than talk to him. If you two are as close as you say you are you can talk it out. People who step out of longer relationships usually want to be alone for a while just so they get past the anger and issues from their past relationship. Just so they don't lash out at their next partner for no apparent reason.

Ask him to go and hang out and than if you feel like it's right talk about how you feel about him.

If he wants to date you he will, if he doesn't not much you can do about it.
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I'm a dude that recently got out of a long relationship. I honestly just want to message women online. I can't even think about meeting a girl in real life for a few months maybe. The point is it's going to take me some time to get over my ex. I don't want to jump into another relationship right away. I need some time to think things through and decompress. He probably feels somewhat similar to me but to a lesser extent. If you message him and help him get his mind off his breakup that might put him more at ease. Don't jump on him though haha, just give...
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How do I get her to stop this?
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stop being a faggot
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Call her a faggot
>>
Get a guy to fuck you I'm the ass, that'll teach her

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>"I don't like drama"
What does she mean by this?
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>>17769659
She probably means the opposite
>>
Means that she probably sees herself as someone who doesn't like drama and is a special little snowflake.
>>
It means she loves drama but wants to sound quirky and unique by saying that she doesn't

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>in course for motorcycle maintenance (mechanic)
>dont like motorbikes particulary. They are cool thats all
>only thing i can do atm
>have to be in college
>no friends
>3 hour journey there and back (bus and then walking)
>have to carry ppe (heavy steel toe boots)
>have to carry back back in arms because it's so heavy

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9 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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I mean. I wear steel toe boots all the time. Maybe get a motorcycle. You already know how to maintain it, so you'll skip out on a lot of expenses and people will think you're a bit cooler.

I'm not sure what the actual question is tho. Its seems like more of a rant.
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>>17769651
You need to make money.
"Do what you love" is mostly bullshit. People don't pay you to do things everybody loves doing. "I don't hate every minute of my job" is what most people go for.
If you are reasonably skilled being a mechanic, keep doing that. Use the money earned to do other things you like, such as charity work, or women.
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>>17769651
Steel toe boots are too heavy for you? Are you serious?

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How do I get the courage to end my disgusting self?
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>>17769625
Makeup and a smile
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>>17769625
what app did you to edit your face? post the original
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>>17769635
I used no app
My face is that bad

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If your partner's fetish was sexting; and you were unable to sext to their standards and/or unwilling; would you be okay with your partner sexting strangers online to fulfill their fetish.

Would you consider this betrayal? Or would you feel it was fair because you could not or would not perform.
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>>17769620
Yes wtf kind of question is this?

If it's that important to them and for some reason I'm not putting in the effort then by all means just break up
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>>17769620
sexting is no damn fetish ffs
>>
Just because someone has a fetish, doesn't mean that they can't survive without indulging in it, and it shouldn't mean that's the only way they can get off

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AAAHAAHHAHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTTHEFUCKUPYOUAUTISTICRETARD
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>>17769618
what are these pictures called in your op? i would like to read them all. thanks.
>>
Anyone else sad that Saraad is rotating out?

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Title says it all. I went from shut-in nerd, too educated, fit, tall and confident man in about 2 years.
Problem is, my insecurities stayed and they are killing me.
Recently I started going to dates with this girl, and after every date I feel like killing myself, cause I feel like a failure. I feel like she has no interest, is fucking multible Chads etc. but she always says yes to another date, which I never expected.
In 2 days, she`ll be cooking us some food and we'll be watching a movie at her place.
Luckily I didnt show any of my insecurites towards her,...
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>>17769600
Give her your cock. It is the only way
>>
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> my insecurities stayed and they are killing me

you are one of those rare people who are not afraid to admit this.

happiness never comes from the outside sources. heck ive seen so many poor and careless people who just enjoy life, they do some shitty jobs and dont care too much.


>I feel like she has no interest, is fucking multible Chads etc.

you are overthinking everything. and even if she was a whore, its her who is a whore, not you. why would that make you insecure?



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>>17769628
thanks man, you sound really wise.
I am actually working on getting my motivation from the inside, rather than from other people, mainly cause the rewards you get from society are fucking boring.
It super fun and rewarding to become really good at a skill(no matter what skill), so thats the thing Im trying to get happiness from.
Rn I want to become a good programmer and a good BJJ-fighter, not really cause of what other people think, just because its fun.
Maybe its the step in the right direction, maybe...
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>Study hard
>Highly intelligent
>Hate my fucking life and fake my way through everything
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>highly intelligent

-dumb people
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>>17769597

>dumb people

you mean people who still use the defunct pepe the frog meme aka facebooks top meme of 2016
>>
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>>17769576
>Highly intelligent
>Study hard

intelligent people don't need to study hard to understand something

It's more akin to confirming what they intuitively know and crystallizing it into to something more concrete

you can show an idiot something a 1000 times and they'll eventually get it

show a genius something and they'll understand halfway before you even finish showing them once

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>too dumb for college so dropped out
>been looking for min wage job for months
>always go up front and turn in my applications/resumes there
>still no job
>social reject so can't find connections

but
>mediocre /ic/fag
>don't draw kiddie scribbles, but not professional tier either
>maybe I can get a job there

can...
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also skill level
(drawing done out of imagination)
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>>17769560
how are you at basic graphic design? you could try advertise freelance poster artwork, advertisements, etc

what is your CV like?
>>
>>17769560
>>17769562

Turn furry, abandon morals, draw wierd and kinky shit
Make like 30-50 different pieces of art, with some fetish stuff thrown in.

NEETs will start sending money to you by the THOUSANDS if you are willing to draw their fetishes

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/adv/, I have a porn addiction. I basically jerk off to anything whenever I can. It goes against my moralities, and I often feel very guilty after viewing it. I feel stressed, demotivated because of it, but I just can't stop. I watch whenever my family members aren't around, and it's starting to deprive me of my social life. Can you please help me stop?
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>>17769558
Do something else that you like. Something that you would do less if you fap.
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>>17769558
Just don't stop and try doing it while they are around. This is the beginning of your ninja training.
>>
>>17769569
Thank you. I enjoy talking with my family members, but i don't know what I should do when they're gone.

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So I bought this really rare nice looking sweater for $30 (orginally $70) and it came in a size XL which is way too big for me. When I called the distrubuter they said all I can do is return it but I'm probably going to try and sell it at original price.

Im a size s/m and I found he same item in a small online but theres only 1 left, it's from the UK and it's $46 total.

Should I make the risk and purchase the new one then try and sell the old one or just keep my money
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What the fuck is a 'rare' sweater? You're delusional if you think you can get the original price for reselling a sweater
>>
What kind of a moron buys clothing that doesn't fit them?
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>>17769568
There was no size labeled I was hoping it would be reasonable or I could get a rain check but the distrubuter said they couldn't

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Never cheated before.
Got really drunk on my job (I take tourists out to get wasted), girl begs me to come back to her hotel. A lot of Jager consumed prior to this. I've always been good at handling these situations - NOT cheating.
I moved out, we're not in contact for a week.
Not sure if I miss her or the memories, and also not sure if i'm just using her for a visa.
100% sure i'm a piece of shit.
Let's discuss the next move.....
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edit: 3 weeks no contact
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>>17769535
how did you even let her know lol
also is any white person involved in this story?
>>
we're both white.

I've been keeping a journal for the past 4 years because I went crazy and that was the only thing that helped. Of course, like a retard I had to make sure it went in.

She sensed a growing distance between us and her suspicion led her to read it when I left it in my bag on accident.
Yes, I am that stupid.

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My fiances mom just sent me a text, that their dog died today.
I have no real experience with griev and with my fiance i will stick to a more elaborated version of "this is hard/hurts. I love you. I'm here for you".
I am, however, at a complete loss at how to respond to that text from his mom... Please send help, adv!
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>I love you. I'm here for you
They don't give a shit about you right now, they care about the dog.

Help remind them of the good experiences with the dog.
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>>17769504
Yeah, i do think that reminding them of good times might not be appropriate at that stage of grieving already...
I mean, anything you say is just plain inappropriate. But not saying anything is rude af too.
I also obviously wouldn't say those statements you quoted to the parents...but only responding with a variation of "this must be fucking painfull" seems too distant too. God, why is this so hard!
>>
Just let them know through text that you are sorry for their loss and if they need anything to let you know. Maybe mention a memory you had about their dog.
" I'm so sorry for your loss Fiancés mom (insert name). (Insert positive funny memory) I remember when I last saw him he wouldn't stop following until I threw him his favorite toy. If you need anything, don't hesitate in letting me know. We will all miss (insert dog's name).
With your fiancé just be there for him and offer to listen to them if they need to talk or take them out to cheer...
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Please ignore the picture, I didn't wanna go find another one so I used one from a game I play. Anyway, hi there /adv/, I'm at my wits end here... I don't know what to do or what's wrong with me. I took my Tasc test (formerly the GED) in NYC in June, I got my results back in July, and passed everything but math. I've been really frustrated since then and have barely studied at all. I kept telling myself that I would take the math in December but I never sent my application out and now it's like 4 weeks away so I have to wait until next year in the...
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You actually passed most of it, that's a good thing. You actually took the test in the first place, that's also a good thing. You don't want to keep working your shit job and want to improve your situation, that's another good thing. There are more positive things going for you than negative. Your self defeatist attitude won't help, you said it yourself. So flip the script and take this time before the next test to study, study, study. There must be study books and groups that will help. Even if you have to make one up yourself through craigslist. Also,...
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Math needs practice. Practice math.
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>>17769502
I was thinking it was good too, I was like, "FUCK YEAH I FINALLY TOOK IT!" And then I was like, "FUCK NO I KNEW I FAILED MATH." And I've never, ever been good at math... But I DO want a better job someday, and I DO want my kids someday be proud of me as much as I want my fiance to. I have considered classes for it but I always think, like, "I dont wanna commute" (my job is literally down the block so I walk everywhere I need to go). But it might not be a bad idea... if anything...
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Teacher starting on me, the fuck?
Alright so earlier today, my computer science teacher went around the class asking if they've finished the assignment.
Most people said they didn't, he asks me, I reply with "Almost". He then throws some fucking fit saying "What do you mean nearly?"... I don't know what to say so I just tell him I meant what I said, he then starts shouting randomly and sends me out.
This isn't the first time, does he fucking hate me or something?
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Ask him "why are you getting all fresh?"
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>>17769447
>sends me out
wtf are you in high school or community college?
I have never seen any professor do this to his student.

My teacher is chill af, if anyone in the class has problem completing the assignments he will think it's his fault and add more intermediate hints into the questions.
He's ok with 1 week late submission as long as you contact him first and show your effort.
>>
Talk to him after class.

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I met a girl almost a year ago. It was actually one of the toughest year in our respective lives: both of us got dumped, plus a lot of other family problems. We supported each other and became very close friends. We also started to work in the same company. Then I fell in love. And she didn't. Sounds familiar isn't it?
I should note I had some psychological issues when I was a teenager (paranoid attacks, or whatever it's called in English), which she knows about. After all this shitty year and rejection from the girl I deeply love, something in me broke again...
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>>17769438

>hardest years of our lives
>WE BOTH GOT DUMPED
>a-and other stuff i guess

your own words betray you anon. you're a drama queen.

>I fell in love
>I SHOULD NOTE I HAVE PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES
>so i acted like an annoying stalker

>wat do

move on.
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>>17769475
> your own words betray you anon. you're a drama queen.
I just explicitly noticed the dump part, because when we met and befriend we were not single, that's all. What kind of problem we met is irrelevant, fact is the year was tough. I agree my choice of word was poor.

But anyway, you're right I acted like a stalker. It doesn't change the fact that I do love her though. Any advice to recover f her?
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>>17769475
bwawhahaha 10/10 post

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Do women care less about men? I am a male and I care deeply about some women. For example, a woman friend zoned me 3 years ago. I think about her everyday even though I don't talk to her anymore. I doubt she thinks of me at all.

Why is this? I think it's because women just have so many dudes chasing them that losing one does not matter. If you have 10 cakes at home, would you care if one went splat on the ground?

Not saying women don't care about men but it seems they just care less.

I think I care so much because I really don't have...
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>>17769424

you need to take a close look at what you're saying.


first and foremost

>she friendzoned me

ergo, you over invested and had romantic feelings. she claimed to see you as a friend at best, but in many 'friendzone' cases, they dont like you as a friend even they're just too 'nice' to boot you from their lives.

>i doubt she thinks of me at all

if the above stuff WASNT true, then this statement...
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Sorry anon, but the truth is that no one really cares about you unless you're a woman
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>>17769440
Op wasn't asking if women are obligated to care. Of course nobody on planet earth is obligated to give two shits about anyone else. Whether they should, that's a different question.

Ho ho ho, it is holiday season again. It is no secret that my mother in law and I do not get along. I just had a baby 2 weeks ago, and she was not very kind to me during the pregnancy. She never speaks to me directly, but she sent my husband a letter with a check inside addressed to me a week ago. Then she called my mother and my aunt and told them she wanted to come down for Christmas. Now, I feel upset and pressured. I honestly did not plan on spending Christmas with her this year. I have a newborn and I feel pretty vulnerable and I want to spend time with my family and husband...
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>>17769371
What's your husband's position? Does he know your relationship with his mother? What does he says? Does he want his mother to be with you on Christmas? Did you tell him that you don't want?
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>>17769371
If she won't even speak to you directly and makes you feel bad, you shouldn't feel obligated to spend christmas with her. Tell your husband to grow a pair and not let his mum control him.
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>>17769397
We talked about this a while before hand. He knew I did not want her to come this year. I said, maybe next year we can do Xmas there, but with the newborn baby, I don't want the added stress.

Her birthday was Nov 2nd, and I fulfilled my wifely duties of buying a nice gift for her and sending it. Before I sent it, I told my husband, I know this is going to make her want to come down here, and I am not ready for it right now. In 2017, okay?

But she started pressuring him and then calling my family members, who then called me.

I told him, sure she can come down, but how about before Christmas. She blew up.

He has a real issue with his mother. I would call him a mother's boy. He is from Boston and I heard that is very common there. He has strong feelings of both love and hate for her.

His parents got divorced when he was a baby and she never even dated after that. He is her only kid, her only son, and there is an extreme amount of psychosexual tension and the mother is very jealous and hateful towards me.

I just want to feel comfortable at Christmas, and I gave birth recently and I think I deserve that. The timing is just bad.

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As a 19 yr old raised by a single mother how do I unfuck myself and learn all the things that my father never taught me?
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Find anew older dude who you respect and befriend and learn to emulate him. Find out how he came to overcome different obstacles and what motivates his behavior. Then follow suit.
Kind of like WWJD, but with a real person.
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>>17769369
I've already sort of done this. I played a lot of sports in highschool and I guess some of my coaches sort of filled the father figure role. Jesus Christ.
>>
Not raised by a single mother, but my dad died when I was young.

Don't fall for the surrogate father meme, you can be your own man. We live in the information age and any "manly" tasks like changing a tire, fishing, using power tools, etc. can be learned. I've met a few pussies raised by single mothers and the fatal mistake they always make is just not trying to learn. You need to be proactive and take weekends to just learn how to do shit.

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Aren't you meant to enjoy life?
Why are you working?
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pleasure without work shrinks your pleasure center.

if you were meant to 'enjoy life' as in, ONLY enjoy it, then conflict wouldnt exist, we wouldnt feel stress.

ergo you are meant to enjoy life... and also suffer.
>>
I work every day towards my dream and goal with will hopefully bring me even more happiness.
>>
You need to struggle to appreciate the rewards of life.

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At my school prom, I was voted "40 year old virgin", and while I was never exactly an outcast and could have a good laugh with normies, I rarely went to their parties. A few people later said they voted for me because they knew I'd be able to take the banter, but I don't feel comfortable with it considering I was always kind of viewed as this benevolent, but fucking odd, eccentric.
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ill be real real here

are you ugly/fat?
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>>17769345
>don't feel comfortable with it

Just smirk as if you were being given blowjob.
Plus you are going to university right? plenty of time to grow into a better person.
>>
besides its gonna be alright

you're at the very least 18

you can go to university/get a job and start a new life and noone will know the aspie you were

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Hey /adv/

There's a guy in my university that is constantly bugging me, he started doing that like 2 weeks ago and he won't stop. I don't think he had many friends since he's literally looking like a ball with ugly human face, I'm not that kind of a guy that ignores him just because of his look so I talked with him and got myself in trouble.

Literally wherever I go he goes with me, if I start talking with someone he just comes out of nowhere and spams the living shit out of that person with his conspiracy theories. By the way he's...
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>>17769299
Hahahahaha I know exactly what you mean! When I was at university it happened many times to me to have weird ppl bug to me! They could never stop it! They are retards who went to uni and they think "oh it's time to socialize!lets find a guy that I like to be friend!" And then they stuck with you. To me it was even worst,cuz I am girl,I was studying computer science and I was the only girl there. It was so fucking annoying. But after the first weeks,I started being rude to those retards,so they stopped...
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>>17769375
I'm being rude to him constantly

He went to wc and I knew he could hear me so I started talking behind his back with few other guys, if any other person heard that they'd beat me but the guy just came back, he said something like "you know I heard you right?" I felt so relieved because I thought he will stop talking to me but not even an hour passed and he came back like nothing happened
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>>17769299
He's definitely into you, OP. Maybe just give him a hand job he'd go away.


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