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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 138. page
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How do you adjust to living in a place with little sunlight?

I grew up in the deserts of the southwestern US where it's sunny all the time, nothing but sun and no clouds.

Now I've moved to the Pacific Northwest and at first I thought "Yay finally clouds" but I hate it, I hate the clouds, I hate how it gets dark at fucking 4:30 at night, I never see the sun, I feel trapped and claustrophobic like I want to go to fucking Mexico or something to escape this dark miserable hole

What do you do to cope with a lack of sunlight?
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Winter depression is a thing. Take vitamins, go visit a sunnier place whenever you can, and just... get used to it.
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>>17760185
isn't the early nights just because it's winter or coming up to it now? i mean, it's not going to be dark at 4:30 during summer, surely. not in USA?
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>>17760193
Thanks for the advice. I guess I'll go get some vitamins

I mean more about the psychological effects of never seeing the sun - I feel like I live in perpetual night since I literally only see the sun about 1 hour a day (I work inside in an office) and only see outside if I pass a window or at lunch

My long term boyfriend has depression.

When we first got together he was fine, and then eventually he started being depressed, and went to counselling and on antidepressants (which he really didnt like).

He eventually just stopped going and he's not suicidal or anything, but is really negative and unsatisfied with life and work and everything. This makes him quite draining to be around, and he's nothing like the funny, happy guy he used to be, but he denies it's depression.

How can I make him get help? I love him so much and if he doesn't,...
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>denies it's depression
unfortunately you can't make people do anything. it has to start with him admitting and accepting that he is depressed. then he needs to want to help himself.

don't give him an ultimatum, just let it be clear that it is difficult to be with someone with depression, especially if it isn't temporary (i.e. they aren't even looking for help, therefore they can't get better), and you need to take care of yourself as well.

how long has it been? if it's only been a few weeks or...
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Have him find a different therapist or someone he can talk to. You can help but sometimes you cannot truly be their everything. I can't tell if this is just something recent or long ongoing, but you can say how it makes you feel without giving an ultimatum.

What happened recently to him?
>>
>>17760052
Because he has been to counselling before, I think he does really realise that's what it is, but because he can't remember what he was like before all this, he denies the seriousness of it being a problem, he just thinks his personality is that.
It's been about 2 years since he gave up on the antidepressants etc.


>>17760073
He really liked his old therapist but because of work he had to stop going. It's definitely long ongoing....
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Do you ever get over the need to "sow your wild oats" or whatever it's called?

I'm 25 and I've broken off two serious relationships so far because I got anxious about staying with that person forever. I enjoy meeting new people and flirting and the occasional one-night stand. I don't particularly like this part of me which is why I want to get it out of my system.

Do you eventually get tired of fucking people with no feelings involved and partying and shit and get ready to settle down? Has anyone here experienced that?
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>>17759959
I personally can't help you since I've been in one relationship so far and recently broke up and am 28. I never had that "play around phase" and don't care to I guess. I have a married friend though who I think... without a relationship he felt empty. He found a woman and they don't have very much drama between them and so he settled for her. He's pretty much what women want though (tall, olive skin, plays guitar like a madman) no homo. I know he banged a lot of women before her...
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>>17759959
Femanon perspective, but oh totally. I fucked everything I could up until about 27. Even leaving major relationships because I was afraid of settling down. Now, almost 2 years later, I know what I want; sex isn't as attractive to me as personality and intellectual/humor compatibility.

But, let me tell you, all that "practice" I got made me an awesome lover, so I'm glad I got it out of my system then so I can please my man to the fullest.
>>
I've had friends who settled down after many years of being party animals and fucking everything in front of them. Some of them are happily married, and some of them are not. Some of them are cheaters.

As I get older I've realized that maybe not everyone is built for the monogamy lifestyle. The most important thing is to follow your desires and not commit to something based on expectations or social pressure. If that means you'll never settle down, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

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I had a dream aboutmy neighbor and I was bludgeoning him with a shovel while he was asleep. Some days ago I told him about it while I met him out in the garden. I find out now he is going to court to get a restraining order put against me. What can I do to fight this?
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Why in the fuck would you tell him about that? Some shit you just keep to yourself, but that's weird he got a restraining order. Seems like you weren't that close with him and also why you shouldn't have told him lol. Makes no sense.
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>>17759994
I didnt think it was a big deal. If I was going to actually kill him I wouldnt tell him.
>>
op pic <3 dk <3

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Hey /adv/

Haven't talked to anyone in about 3 months. I use barbs quite often but I am trying to find a hobby. I went on tinder just to talk to someone.

A girl I knew had it. I spazed out a bit and messaged her on facebook.( I've done stuff like that before) I thought I could talk to her about stuff in HS and I'm sure she just laughing behind my back though.


I want to make friends so I don't so stuff like that. I tried moving to Perth for like more people higher chance of finding a group I like.

My problem is I'm too sad...
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Go to school, get a job. That's what normal people do.
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>>17759888
I dropped out of university when my dad died, I kept taking stuff more frequently until I was too afraid to leave the house.

Should I try again?
>>
>>17759882

Don't overthink it. Don't expect an instant connection. Don't think rejection is the worst thing ever.

Talk to people at work. Join a gym. Do something, anything, outside of your house. And just talk. Don't expect anything, just talk.

Eventually you'll make friends.

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>Kissless virgin (held hands once (1))
>boyish face
>chubby body
>boring personality
>gave up appealing to women long ago
>been prepositioned for gay sex on the internet
>I don't think i'm gay but I want to feel someone play with my dick before I get too old
Go for it right?
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>>17759873
sure senpai
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>>17759873

You are just desperate, because you feel hopeless.

To appeal to women, you have to love yourself. To appeal to men too. So if a guy is looking for you like this, he is probably bad news. Don't do it.
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>>17759879
>To appeal to men too

not really if you just want gay casual sex. guys are easy as fuck when it comes to just sex.

>>17759873
you problem is probably your boring personality. read books and actually do shit so you have stuff to talk about.

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>be with BF for ~2 months
>everything is good
>he forgets his phone in my car
>I look through his messages
>discover he's been flirting with multiple girls he met on Tinder, and meeting up with one in particular
>the last time they saw each other was Friday (I didn't see him that day)
>confront him about this
>says...
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Drop him
He's being childish
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>>17759834
Be happy you caught this early. Run from someone like this, OP
>>
hes just sorry he got caught. trying to get self esteem by going out with random women when he has a gf? kick him in the balls please. no wrongdoing? wrong idea? honestly youd be stupid if you stay

I have a gf and I promised her to not masturbate while I'm away from her.

And now I basically did it.

How can I stop feeling so guilty after it and should I apologize to her to feel a little bit better?
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How much of a cuckold do you have to be? Jesus Christ man, grow some self-respect.
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>>17759773
>And now I basically did it.

So.. did you do it?

Man, it's your dick. You can use it in any way you like (as long as it doesn't affect her negatively, so don't put it in dirty whores, for example).
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>>17759773
Tell me you see each other every day and she sucks your dick insanely good.
Or she has a fetish for cum.
Or something.

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How do I know if my relationship is good? How happy do you have to be in a relationship for it to be worth staying in it? How high can expectations be?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and it's my most serious relationship (same for him). He has lots of good points (really loyal, similar morals to me, very generous, says he wants to commit to me forever etc) and some bad ones (spends too much time staring at his phone, smokes too much weed, and is kinda boring/unambitious).

My question really is, how do I know if this is worth being in? I love...
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OP here, I thought of a better way to explain my question.

Essentially, I have no comparison. Most people can compare their relationship to past relationships and be like wow this is unhealthy or wow this is so nice. I have none of that, and when I compare it to other relationships I see (like on social media, or in movies) that's such a biased view, and always leaves me less happy with my boyfriend because of course romance movies and people on fb are going to make the relationship look as good as they can.

So what are other ways to test the worth of a relationship,...
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>>17759715
There is no objective standard to value your relationship.
If you're unhappy, leave. If you have doubts, what worked for me was thinking about what kind of person me and my partner wanted to become, and see if our ideas were compatible.
Think about yourself in 10 years, about what kind of person you're trying to be, and see if that person is compatible with your partner right now and what kind of person your partner wants to be.
If that's not the case, reconsider the relationship.
>>
>>17759757
If you're having doubts you should really talk to your boyfriend. If I were him I'd rather know how you truly feel and discuss if anything can actually be done, maybe he just needs a wake up call, maybe he's happy the way he is. Either way you two need to talk.

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Do women really want equality?
Im starting to think that they really don't because they get turned on by men who dominates them.

What do you think?
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>>17759670

This is not advice, this is trolling.

Go start a flame war somewhere else.
>>
Of course not you dumb fuck, how stupid can you be? You must have very low IQ or extreme social autism judging from the fact that you've never learned this naturally.
>>
>>17759670
It's possible to dominate a woman sexually and take care of her, and also encourage her to pursue her own interests, career, etc. For most women, a guy who can do both is marriage material

>"i only wanted to be with you bcus you were hot and gave me good dick"
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Fuck off chad
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>>17759675
fuck off yourself. You probably dont know how it feels to be in my position
>>
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>>17759707
The guy above is being a little faggot but desu senpai at least you pull women.

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>leave my phone in my girlfriends car last night
>she doesn't realize It until she gets home
>holds on to it until the next morning
>has my password
>snooped my whole phone
>went on my reddit app (I know)
>went to history (which you cant erase)
>saw everything I've looked at, including porn
>nothing...
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>>17759626

Dump her.
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>>17759626
What a fucking cunt.
Did she at least apologise?
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>>17759634
yeah, she said I could look at her phone but I know she has really nothing to hide, and it wouldn't really make me feel any better.

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So I've been on three dates with this guy in the past week. This is moving at a much faster pace than I'm used to, but it feels right. I've dated several different guys this year but this one feels truly special, like we have a real connection. He always seemed eager to see me, going as far as setting up the next date before the current one was even over. We have great chemistry, make each other laugh like crazy, had sex on the third date, established exclusivity, and we both opened up to each other about different things like family etc.
We were supposed to...
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Dump him and find a normal guy who doesn't give you so many problems.
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>>17759580
>OR maybe he's just completely full of shit and doesn't want to see me anymore
you gave him the secks didnt u. he's over you bb
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>>17759604
this. he probably feels like he has completed his goal now. if not, he clearly has insecurity problems.

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I'm 27 and I'm struggling to have a girlfriend,
where can I meet girls my age instead of going to bars and clubs? The scene is leaving me weary, I need new options.

Any recommendations?
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>>17759550

Online dating?

Through friends and/or hobbies?
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>>17759575
i got tinder it can suck at times because girls are being total flakes
>>
You can meet many people outside, but you need a plan.

The outside isn't just parties and friends, you know. Without a plan, you won't befriend men or women.

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What country would I have on 16,000 a year without working for 3 years.

I want hot plentiful women, and I only speak English. I was thinking Slavland, Hanland, Flipland, Colombia/Ecuador, Costa Rica/Panama/Dominican, or Hillbilly EU.

I am willing to learn their language, but I am no genius.

I plan to return to the USA after 2 years and work in real estate.
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>>17759507
>What country would I have on 16,000 a year without working for 3 years.
It might help if you were to specify what it is you have 16,000 of - 16kCAD is a vastly different sum to 16kGBP for example.
>>
Having a two year gap on your resume doesn't sound like a phenomenal plan.
>>
I dont care about my resume or money.

My family has more money than I will ever be able to make in my lifetime.

My plan is to leave the USA withdraw some money, and comeback with more money in the bank.

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Is it wrong that I feel like I wanna beat him up?Heres a little context Im not a violent person,but I was living with my ex then she fell out of love for me and hooked up with him and was hiding it from me.Then she moved out and moved in with him and puts pics on fb with him etc and blocked me from everything.Then one day on the street I met with them on the street and saw him face to face for the first time and he was smiling at me with a smug face while she was looking down scared to face me.Why shouldnt I kick his /adv I just feel so angry?The inly reason I didnt so far is...
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>>17759506
You're looking at it from the wrong perspective. Instead, ask yourself "what would I gain from beating him up?".
>>
What do you achieve by beating him up?

Whenever you feel angry, take a deep breath and tickle your anus or do a kegel. It will relax you.
>>
OP here.I would get satisfaction knowing that his physical pain will reach at least a small percentage of my pain tat I feel inside.I mean the prick flirted with her when me and her were having a rough time in our relationship

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I hope I came to the right place.

My 15 year old sister is on the very edge of becoming edgy emo trash, she's saying things about suicide and "fuck my parents" because they removed her from her after school program. I know she has a friend who cuts herself on the regular so she might go that route.
How do I get her back to reality and snap her out of her phase?

>inb4 "fuck her"
I would like to keep this non-sexual, if possible

Pic related, is her ~1-2 years ago.
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That's a rough 13
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>>17759409
She's actually 11 and the photo was taken this year, as seen in the filename that I forgot to change.
Any /adv/ice?
>>
>>17759452
Yeah, you're not her mom. Chill out and worry if she actually does something.

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Hey I'm going to be throwing a bachelor party for my friend soon and I was wondering where to look for good strippers. I live in Jacksonville florida.
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>>17759399
Step one: find and hire strippers
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>>17759399

no one here has enough experience with hookers in jacksonville florida to know which service to recommend over the other. and even if we did what actually matters is the stripper themselves.

just get on google and look at oyur local stripper options. dont go for the cheapest one, its simply not worth it.

pay close attention to the description as some are very clearly just prostitution. if they do a 'toy show' where the boys get to play with the toys, shes just a prostitute. thats it really.
>>
>>17759405
k

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I used to smoke weed all the time as a teen. Only sparingly since then maybe once a year. I was gonna try to get into it and tried on 4 seperate occassions but couldn't because of closed eye visuals

Now im gonna say something youre not going to believe since it makes no sense to me so i dont know how it happened. When i tell you this weed wasnt laced i tell you in complete confidence. I got it from a family member. One of the closest people in my life and they had the stash for over a month and had been smoking on it. Anyway :

I smoked some by myself on my...
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I see my wife in bed. Another human like me. I try to rationalize why she's there. Remember shes my wife, cant remember her name. Eventually do and then try to find a way to rationalize my need for help or how to speak to her. I remember the words "bad trip" as if it were something i heard decades ago. I call her name and wake her up. I ask her what a bad trip is. She has never done drugs.

"How should i know?" She says. "Come to bed, are you okay?"

Im not okay. She pulls me into bed and holds me. I start shaking as every time...
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>>17759387
Nice bait homie. You gay
>>
>>17759462
>bait
I mean i get thats a meme and all, but literally what could i be baiting people for?

Just replies or something? I'm honestly 100% asking for help or insight here.

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I've failed at- and abandoned- trying to think of a way in which to write about this without being creepy, so: I'm wondering if anybody knows if there's any point in seeking medical diagnosis and help with regards to erectile dysfunction/more or less no libido if it's been more than a year?

Obviously it bothers me a lot, but as it's not something that affects my life in any way besides bothering me a lot I've not sought medical diagnosis or help before now because I'd expect that I'd be told that I'm wasting everybody's...
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Nobody?
>>
start lifting and going outside, also stop worrying about yourself.
>>
>>17759382

That's not creepy at all. You just need to go to a doctor. If you don't feel well, you have the right to be helped. You don't need to prove you'll use your dick. Just go ask for a diagnosis.

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I love and adore my boyfriend so much. I just broke up with him. We can't be together. But I don't want to be without him. I've broken his heart and I hurt so much
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>>17759376
>We can't be together.
Why?
>>
>>17759376
> We can't be together.
Yeah, why?

How did you break up with him?
>>
>>17759376

How can you be this vague and expect any kind of advice from this board?

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>meet this cute girl
>end up talking every day
>get a 100 day snapchat streak
>in my mind shes the hottest girl ive ever talked to
>in this whole time i dont talk to any other girls and get super attatched
>end up getting clingy as hell
>fast forward to last week
>end up getting into an argument with her via text

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>>17759331

>100 days
>hasnt made her your gf

never gonna happen at this point anyway
>>
>>17759331
>end up getting into an argument

about what?
>>
>>17759351

Long distance bro.

>>17759352

Basically what happened was she would constantly ignore my messages and open my snaps not responding then i went full retard and said "i guess you'd rather another guy thats going to use you for sex and cheat on you" (shes been with 20 guys and told me shes never had sex with a non fuck boy) Argument just built from there until she blocked me

Don't know why but getting ignored on purpose pisses...
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What crazy things do you do while dating someone new?
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Park my car across the street from where they live one night a week and just spy on them.
You know, the usual.
>>
>>17759293
how do you spy on them from the car? Dont they have doors?
>>
>>17759332
>Dont they have doors?
Well, yes, but they usually also have windows.

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How should I deal with this?

>be me (22m)
>have girlfriend (20f) of 3.5 months
>before me she was fairly sexually liberal, having slept with the same number of people I had (12) but many of those were one night stands on a eurotrip
>things progressed rapidly, both fall in love
>tell girl everything
>tell her about how i feel about specific things (drugs, tattoos, sex, etc) and sometimes...
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lied to your face, what more do you want
>>
dump her
>>
Don't dump her you retard, talk with her about it

Don't use the atomic solution at the first problem in a relationship.

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If you're in a relationship with someone and notice you're being abusive, what do you do?

Im talking manipulation. threatening to break up with them (or implying it) EXTREME jealousy, causing every argument, trying to play the victim.

I feel so shit knowing im the problem. Im always the problem. Sometimes knowing that makes me feel even worse, leading to more damn arguments.

How do I fix it? Im a fuck up.
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>>17759183
First, break up with her. If you genuinely feel you are abusing this person, do not make them go through more. It will hurt them, but they don't deserve to be treated like that no matter what happens. It's better in the long run, because this abuse has some really nasty long-term psychological effects on people.

Next, see a psychologist. In your first few visits they'll mostly be taking in information from you. But you can figure out what we know can be changed, you'll get a rough idea...
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You've recognized where you're going wrong, you're not irredeemable.

Talk to your SO, get some psych help, fight against it.
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>>17759183
Go to a psychiatrist ASAP.

My GF just left me and she caused easily nearly every single argument we had. She would make outrageous claims with absolutely no backing to them at all and then go and do the most suspicious, hateful things to me. Say things that would make anyone doubt their partners loyalty and just keep a million secrets.

She would threaten to break up with me every day and then say I was guilt tripping her into staying with me. She no matter what would play the victim. If I tried to...
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The situation is a lot more complicated than this, but I'll try to bring it down to the key points.

I am currently in school, 2nd year college, in a foreign country that's very xenophobic so not open to immigrants. Staying here has been very hard, and to top it off my mom who i live with will be leaving the country next year, so no more home or money. But I work really hard, so I've been promised a grant with which I can finish my studies.
I'm meant to live in a student home which the grant pays for (500 or so a month), and have enough to come by until I finish my studies.

Everything would have been fine, but I don't know what to do with my dog.
See, student homes (obviously) dont accept dogs. And he's a big one, a big German Shepherd, still a teenager so doesn't always behave in the best way.
Renting a place here is very hard. I'm willing to work, but I have school 42 hours a week and thus legally can only work half a shift, and nobody seemingly will accept a student's contract as they're not stable whatsoever.
I have no friends or contacts to go to.
The degree I picked is shit, everything feels like shit. I don't know why I'm struggling so hard to make it work here. I made a lot of mistakes in life and at fucking 18 I feel myself drowning. What the fuck do I do.
All I want is some stability in my life, but apparently to have stability I have to give up my dog.
I will not be able to bear losing my dog, he is the only good thing in my life.
Please help me figure out what to do, because without him I have no purpose in life.
To be honest, I'd even freaking go into prostitution or suck some guy's dick daily if I could have a place to stay with him, as long as he's by my side. Seriously, there is nothing else in my life that I've ever loved so much. He's the only thing that makes me happy.
Pic is him.
Please help.
35 replies and 7 images submitted. Click here to view.
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please..
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:/ you guys only give relationship advice, don't you?
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>>17759168
Where are you living?
What is your origin?
What is your degree?

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How can I make sure my main girlfriend doesn't find out about the other girls I fuck?
13 replies and 2 images submitted. Click here to view.
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Keeping it a secret is a good start.
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don't be an asshole and keep fucking your actual girlfriend
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>>17759162
always wear at least one condom, be good in making precise schedules and observe them with gps or something similar

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Need advice with this new coworker

>Started three months ago
>Got really close with her, she's really fun
>She's picked up some sayings of mine (idioms, things like that)
>Apparently mentions me a lot (Anon and I were talking about this, I was telling anon, Anon says...) to the point where people point it out
>Has told me multiple times that people always think there's something going on between us

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7 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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Bump.

What do you guy think? Should does she even like me or is just teasing? Should I give it a chance or is she just trouble?
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>>17759153
Not worth it I guess. She raises a lot of red flags for me and seems really immature so it would be a no-no for me.

But to answer your other question, it seems like she likes your attention, she doesn't seem interested in anything more. But if you wanna, give it a try, you have not much to lose. (as long as you stay cool if she rejects you)
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>>17759492
Why don't you think she wants anything more may I ask?

I'd stay cool but she's part of a core group of corowkers so I'm worried things might go weird

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Hey /adv/, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but last night when I was brushing I felt this pain in my lip and this morning I checked and saw this ugly sore. Is it anything to worry about?
11 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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>>17759106
Maybe you oughta stop sucking dick all the time OP.
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>>17759106
Canker sore. Will go away within a week or two.
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Its a classic canker sore. I get them all the time from biting my lip. Avoid citrus and mint, makes it burn like a motherfucker. You can use a numbing gel or gargle salt water to make it more bearable. Should clear up in a couple days to a week.

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Never posted on 4 chan before, but I had no other place to turn, so here I am.
Anyway, a little back story
>Moved high schools after my freshman year
>Didn't really make any close friends until senior year, guess I'm not really that outgoing so maybe that hurt
>Come to college. On a sports team, but don't really hang out with the guys on my team, instead kinda hang out with a lot of girls and some dudes of another sports team (my college is really team-centered so this...
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nothing. this is only a problem because you believe it is.
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>>17759065
But my question is, why can't I make real friends, why am I so forgettable?
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>>17759081
Have you actually tried to invest time and effort into your friendships? Or do you just expect them to happen as long as you're present?


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