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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 220. page
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GUIDELINES:
Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered.
Keep questions short for more answers.
If you're not going to like honest answers, don't ask your question.
And please no derailing arguments.

FAQ:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
>Would you date a virgin?
><random insecurity>
Some...
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Ok, let's say I actually got a date with a girl.

How do I consolidate it?
When do I go for a kiss?
What could creep some of you girls out during this time?
>>
Someone asked me for a coffee and I said yeah, I am however not interested in meeting this guy alone, what's the best way to go about this? I don't want to just say I'm busy because it's not the truth and he may keep asking in the future.
>>
>>17703968
>however not interested in meeting this guy alone,
then why say yes?

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Girl is purposely ignoring me probably because I was too dumb to realize she was interested in me and I just recently did. She'll still talk to me and everything if I approach her, but no effort from her anymore, she just looks at me constantly now.

Is it ogre or is she waiting for me to give effort now?
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Dont act desperate, start ignoring her again and she will start talking to you again.
>>
>>17703833
Are you sure that's how it goes? I'm pretty sure she's foing this because I paid zero attention to her.
>>
Yo just focus on getting anothee girl. Make sure to be seen by the first girl when you are with another. Bitch will get jealous and her primitive instincts will kick in. Don't spend too much of your energy until that happens.

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Just messaged a girl on Tinder, used the "There she is" opener and she responded with "There who is?". What do I say now?
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shes retarded, icant fuck with stupid bitches desu
>>
"you"

what else would you say?
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>>17703790
doctor

I have 4 months left until the point of no return.
How do I fuck a girl in 4 months?
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>>17703742
Get one very drunk.

Leave a false name.
>>
>>17703747
Did this a few months ago, I was so close..
>>
>>17703742
Make moves on one of those "she's so sweet/funny" ugly girls that hangs out with hot friends.

if you were beautiful/handsome but you dont know anything or didnt study in college and youre poor, is there a point to living?
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depends on what you want out of life.

if you're hot but poor, try some modeling or camwhoring to get money.

if you didn't study in college then you wasted a bunch of somebody's money and your time. if you did that, why? figure that out and address it.

I guess the answer to your question is "yes but only if you're willing to put in the work to get what you want." and honestly that's no guarantee you'll get what you want, but it's a chance. if you die then you have 0 chance.
>>
>>17703755
also I'm not implying that modeling or camwhoring is the only work you can do. but it's easyish money and it's something hot people can do to make money that other people can't. and you can usually only do it while you're young.
>>
>>17703760
yeah but modelling looks boring and most of them who are depressed feel even worse doing it. camwhoring isnt an option id rather die than do that

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I'm a trans guy in high school, haven't transitioned yet though. Senior year I'm thinking about graduating early and starting transition. After that year, I want to join the military (not sure which branch yet) but how can I do this?? Especially if I want to transition before that, and how long will I have to wait?
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>>17703713
i dont know , how long does it take to grow a cock and balls ?
oh and you have to chop yer tits off !
but after all that you will be a man !
im sure the army will accept you
>>
>>17703713
The army doesn't usually take mentall ill people, they usually make them
>>
I can't speak to your specific situation but I can tell you that you have difficult times ahead OP. honestly you will probably not get many helpful answers here. you will have an easier time googling on your own, because you will want to read everything you possibly can about it. and look for a mentor in the transgender community.

ordinarily I'd recommend asking /lgbt/ but last time I was there, they were too busy being catty to each other to be of any help. but you could try there too.

good luck OP, I hope things work out for you.

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How do you go from a reclusive borderline agoraphobic NEET shut-in who dropped out of high school in the 9th grade to a successful man? (I'm 19 now)

I'm arguably insane but I try to avoid discussing the pseudo-science that is psychology. Though I can't completely ignore that I'm clearly fucked in the head.

But what steps do I take? People usually say you need to get your GED/high school equivalent, but is that really true? How do employers know whether you're a dropout or not? Beside that mess is there really a point to working shit-tier...
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I was a drug addict through my teens, now I'm in a 2 year program for dental hygienist.. worked a lot of fast food jobs, McDonald's, pizza hut etc.. helped with my work ethic and dealing with coworkers, managers etc.

If you're hardworking and intelligent enough for any kind of school geared towards immediate job placement upon graduation, go for that, otherwise trade school, maybe even CDL.. go on /o/ and check out the truckerfag thread
>>
>People usually say you need to get your GED/high school equivalent, but is that really true?
yes
>How do employers know whether you're a dropout or not?
they ask, and they can check with where you say you completed to make sure
>Beside that mess is there really a point to working shit-tier jobs at walmart?
money, "experience", networking
> I desire a career and growth but most jobs just seem like they are designed to stagnate your...
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>>17703769
2-3 months seems like quite awhile to spend studying for a GED. Is it really that difficult?

I've been trying to look up where do to it in my area and where to get study material tailored to the test online but it's difficult to find.

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HAY, /adv/. My friend has a job interview soon and he's a fucking degenerate who won't listen to my advice. Let him know what areas he could improve on. He's applying to a call center.
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>applying to a call center
Can he speak?
can he use a computer?

Nothing else is needed.
>>
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>my friend

You already know what must be done.
>cut your hair
>shave off your neckbeard
>start hitting the gym
And dress appropriately. If you don't have a suit at least get some formal pants and shirt.
>>
>>17703701
Really? Is it that simple?

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How can I hide BPD from others to avoid blowing up my life?
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>>17703654
You can't, eventually you'll fuck shit up, that's why it's a disorder.
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>>17703660
bpd here, can confirm. only way to do it is to never get close to anybody. but nearly all humans, especially bpd folk, crave closeness with *someone*.

honestly the best way I've found to have lasting friendships is to
>learn from my mistakes
>learn to own my mistakes, not play the blame game
>try not to beat myself up too much if I lose a friend, because honestly it happens to everyone, bpd or not

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>>17703654
try not to rant to your friends about your life theyll just stop talking to you gradually and make you feel worse or better depends how you take the loss

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Please tell ne whats the normal age for loosing virginity for a guy.
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It doesnt fucking matter. Your life wont be magically 100% different once you've jammed your dick into a vagina. Set some loftier goals ffs
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>>17703653
What about 80% different, that's a pretty big difference.
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>>17703649
21y old khv here

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i'm starting to realize my girlfriend really doesn't love me as much as I thought she did. and this makes me very very depressed.

the way she acts, talks, does things with me has always been suspiciously oriented around goals for herself. sometimes she tells me how she loves me so much and misses me, but i'm beginning to think those were either forced words, or she was just lonely and needed company.

last night we had a very serious discussion, no fighting or anything, and i had to ask her once and for all, does she truly love me or is she just...
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>>17703622
what's your annual salary?
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>>17703627
>>17703627
i think thats irrelevant. i had pretty much no income when i met her, and thats when i felt she cared about me the most. now i have a very healthy income, but its becoming more questionable whether she has any feelings for me now.

i dont have a huge bank account that shes after if thats what you're thinking
>>
You need to stop basing your self esteem on another person. Everything you accomplished since you started dating her, you did YOURSELF.

You need to find your independence. A girlfriend shouldn't be someone your NEED to feel happy - you should be capable of doing that on your own.

If she's just using you and dating you out of convenience, dump her. That is an extremely childish and selfish thing to do You don't need that girl.

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This girl and I had plans to have a "netflix and chill" night tomorrow, but she just texted me and said it'd be a shame to be alone tonight when it's going to be chilly and she'd love to come over tonight instead of tomorrow night. HUGE PROBLEM: I had a cold sore pop up yesterday morning and I was hoping it'd just fuck off by Wednesday night which I was pretty confident would happen but she threw me this curve ball. It's not very obvious because it's on the inside of my lip and it's also not an open sore (yet). I've been putting...
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Stop infecting other people with herpes, cunt
>>
Stressing out anymore about it isn't going to help for one. Go to the pharm and get a bottle of abbreva or store equivalent but make sure it has the same active ingredient %. It will only make you feel better about it- put some rubbing alcohol on and calm yourself
>>
>>17703606
its not safe to fuck around with anyone for at least a week
sorry about your luck, anon
dont be the douchebag that gives someone cold sores
as far as getting rid of it goes, abreva is your best bet

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A friend of mine started lurking /pol/ a few months ago to keep up with the elections or something and since then talking to him is the exact same thing as talking to /pol/.

Most of the time he's talking about national socialism, jews, cucks, niggers, and it's painfully obvious that his only sources are dumb infographics.

I am not politically correct by any means, but the dumb shit he says is starting to get on my nerves, and what is especially troublesome is that he has zero self awareness whatsoever since he can bring up that shit in public at any time....
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Well, ideally you could help him to deal with his own issues and insecurities that draw him towards this bullshit and educate him ... but it's a pain.

Or you can make fun of him by pretending to be an even more extreme version of /pol/ till he realizes how ridiculoushe is.
>>
>>17703576
i dont know how anyone could go on /pol/ and take what they say serious, and express it in real life. i went on /pol/ during brexit for a laugh to see what people would say, some funny fuckers on there but i would never take that shit serious.
>>
>>17703594
I really don't want to become his /pol/ buddy, though as strange as it might sound it might also work.

I read a lot of articles from academic journals, both for class and for leisure, and I would like to get them printed off and into a book.

Would this be legal, or would printing presses refuse to bind them for copyright reasons?
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pretty sure you'd run into some copyright issues.

why does it have to be a bound book? why can't you just print them off, run them thru a 3-hole punch, and keep them in a binder?
>>
>>17703524
I think it's probably fine so long as you don't sell the book. Really doubt anyone's going to sue you for making a collection of articles for yourself.
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>>17703524
Look for photocopy pajeet stores near universities, at least mine has a few, they have the pdfs for all the books in the uni's courses and sell prints, if they do that they arent very worried about copyright laws

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How do you become confident about being a woman? My mom was a super masculine feminist type who built her own house and a terrace to show everyone that she don't need a man, and my dad was really distant and never really expressed positive feelings about having children - much less daughters. While I never dated as a teen, he never expressed any protectiveness towards me considering unwanted male attention. I don't know whether that has anything to do with anything.

I don't get how other women handle it so effortlessly, slipping into heels and a skirt...
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Is femininity really nothing else than the need to attract men?

I feel like I want male attention, but whenever I actually DO get it, I get scared and just want to get out of that situation ASAP.
>>
Hey OP.
>>
>>17703487
I know it sounds cliche, but you don't have to be like those other girls. Femininity is relative, you don't have to be feminine or whatever if you don't want to.

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Did I fuck up? I have zero experience with this kind of thing, so I genuinely don't know. DMA is my city's art museum btw
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>>17703479
Honestly I would think Dinner is the more datey option.

But I really cant answer on if you fucked up
>>
That last reply is pointless and it screams "pls respond". That emoticon just makes me cringe, not only because it's a stupid emoticon, but also because that wasn't the time to use it at all. Other than that I see no problem.

Maybe you should've said something like "I was under the impression that getting coffee or dinner is as just as datey" or simply "Aren't we dating then?" if you wanted to be direct, but you didn't drop your spaghetti. Not all of them, at least.
>>
>>17703479
yeah, you fucked up
disregard this one and move on

So there's this white/arab chick in my college. She invited me along to some party. She qt as hell and dropping winks at me.

Somehow she's single, probably jumping the gun a bit here but any white guys out there ever dated an arab/white girl? I don't know anything about arab culture really.

In your experience how does it work out? I'm basically average ultra white guy.

Probably doesn't even remember my name but just on the off chance we hit it off sometime is it worth pursuing?
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>>17703453
girl ain't the problem its her family that is
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>>17703468

i mean is dating a white guy viewed as dating satan? im from a fairly affluent area/family if that helps. I honestly have no idea
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>>17703453

Do you know where she's from? Arab countries like Lebanon and Jordan are more liberal in dating, while Moroccan ones...... well gl.

If there's the possibility that she's Christian then you're more fortunate.

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Thinking about doing this because I fucking hate every class that I'm in. Currently majoring in Comp Sci but I feel I haven't learned anything practical in my 2.5 years at Uni.

Anyone feel the way I did and pursue a trade? Thoughts on doing so? Was thinking about being an Electrician.

I just want a job where I can see the fruits of my labors and feel accomplished at the end of the day.
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leaving uni for a trade is dumb and lazy. you get thru general education and easy classes out the first 3 years. the last year of undergrad and postgrad is where its at.
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>>17703434
No, but it could be good for you if you prefer hands on work. But you're already close to finishing. You might as well just get your Bach in cs and be a code monkey.
>>
>>17703434
thought about doing this myself but i decided not too because im already in my second year. if you're already 2.5 years in, you may as well finish it and get the degree. uni is bull shit desu, i literally learn more from reading. im paying to basically say i am qualified. the teachers in my uni are too liberal and it pisses me off.

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Okay so I was in a /tv/ thread and someone posted a link to this hentai.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f17RcSihyU0

I really never saw any animated hentai before, so I torrented this. Then I deleted it right after.

It's like commonly available to be streamed or torrented and is on myanimelist.

I live in Canada, isn't this technically illegal or something because the girls look younger?
Don't people watch this all the time?
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>>17703432
Yeah its illegal
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>>17703447
How illegal?
Like "torrenting" or jaywalking illegal?

It must be super common for people to watch stuff like that.
>>
Apparently it is pretty damn illegal.

http://comicsalliance.com/u-s-citizen-arrested-in-canada-for-manga-on-laptop-faces-minim/

http://www.therecord.com/news-story/2597313-six-month-sentence-sends-strong-message-about-animated-child-porn/

http://legal.advicescene.com/ca/question/1047373/child-nudity-in-anime

lol. I'm actually curious how they determine if someone looks like a child in an anime. I mean, in the OP example it's pretty obvious they're children, but what if they were a little taller, with wider shoulders and hips? Do they...
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How does a 18 year old Asian guy get a 24-27 year old girlfriend? Where do I go?

Pic related
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Go to the club and scam on older women. Tell them you're 25 and you look younger cause you're Asian.
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>>17703406
I would need a fake ID or something
>>
I'm right here.

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So, I'm in my longest relationship yet, we'll have our first anniversary in a couple of days but i dont really know what the fuck should i do with this relationship.

My girlfriend and I have a lot of differences especially opinion wise. I'm a total liberal who doesn't give a fuck about patriotism, moral values and religion. I'm actually a rather die hard atheist. Now my girlfriend is very religous. It wasn't that much big of a deal at first, but lately she's been acting more and more like your typical christian brainwash. She makes...
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You fuck her and fuck her good.
>>
differences in politics/religion aren't necessarily dealbreakers but the fact that you're so dismissive and disrespectful regarding your gf's convictions makes me think the relationship isn't going to work

break up
>>
>im willing to do the church thing if de do the sex

Sex usually fix everything

I don't know if I love my girlfriend anymore.
How can I tell?
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>>17703249

break up with her. wait three months. if you want to get back together with her after that, you probably love her.
>>
>fast forward 2yrs from today
>she's still your girlfriend
>what feeling does this leave you with?
>>
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Spend some time away from her. A few days. I week. Do you miss *her* or do you just not like being alone (romantically)?

Who here quit alcohol?
I drink so much that its addiction. Several drinks everyday.
Never stopped so I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea why I even rely on it so much.
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>>17703225
Sorry OP, I'm too distracted by wanting to be in your picture, drinking a beer.

I'm doing what I can to stay away from liquor but I sure do love beer. Just talking about it makes me want to grab one. After a while, it's the only reliable way to make yourself feel something that isn't sad/ angry.
>>
>>17703244
I tried that method months ago, but ended up buying beers with like 8+% alcohol and visiting liquor stores more often and paying more money. I get cheap whiskey.

I'll give a try at quitting no matter what I hear here, but so far I simply havnt stopped for a single day for a few years.
I feel like I am on to a solution. I have tried to work to replace my drinking, but maybe I need a more relaxing and less responsible activity that enables me to stop drinking. I'm considering biking at the moment...
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>>17703225

ive never quit entirely but its pretty easy for me. even when im not avoiding it i can go a month or more without realizing i havent had any booze.

i took accutane so had to quit for three months. i also had brain damage for a while so didnt drink then either.

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How long does it take for most places to look at your resume?

It's been almost two fucking weeks without a response. And we sent several emails back and forth before I submitted anything, I don't think they'd blow me off without at least telling me they're not interested.
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>>17703219

yes they would. cuz they have dozens of candidates and the person in charge doesn't get anything out of saying 'sorry were not interested'.

source: I've done hiring.
>>
>>17703223

Is that what I should assume happened? I thought my resume was pretty strong.
>>
You should have called or walked in for an interview or to ask about one
THey blew you off for sure. Dont put all your eggs in one basket.

I determine one's personality based on their clothing style, music taste, their facebook posts and their way of speaking. By that, my head determines who is intelligent, who isn't, who is a good person and who isn't. I know people say you shouldn't judge them by that, but every time i do my expectations come true.

Am i snobbish? And if i am, how do i stop it?
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No, those are realistic expectations, just that its more rare to find those type of people than a generic party girl so expect it to take time.
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>>17703158
I judge people by how they come across as well. You sound like an insufferable ass so I don't care enough to respond to your issues, not worth it.
>>
>>17703158
Yes, you're also pretty stupid. But whatever works for you

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I'm a doctor and I feel like no matter what I do, I am not doing enough for my patients. I feel like I could always read more, I feel like I could always stay later even when my shift is done etc. I feel like I am never good enough and if someone manages to survive for the day, it's by luck. On my days off, I worry that I havent learned enough and I crack open a book. I can't seem to enjoy my free time. I feel guilty if I go spend time with friends knowing that if I stayed at home, I could read a few more pages of different text books.

How the fuck do I...
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I clean toilets and mow lawns for a living. I suffer from the same misgivings despite positive feed back from employers.

Do your best and then know you've done your best. We are only human.

Do not think of work outside of work.
>>
>>17703152

same. i got hired fresh out of college with no business experience to manage an entire business. and no matter what i do it feels like its not enough, like they're wasting their money paying me... despite the fact that I've gotten the company out of debt, made it profitable, and every single one of my business strategies has been, at worst, making a small profit.

despite two years of managing without a problem and even keeping the business afloat while I had a form of brain injury earlier this year, i still feel like its never enough.

i think its part of the way our generation was raised. nothing we did was ever enough.
>>
>>17703152

You need to talk to someone, you NEED time to yourself so you can function as a doctor.

I'm a vet, and admit that I have very similar feelings at time. However, you need to take a step back and realise that unless you look after yourself you won't be able to look after anyone else.

This is a ridiculously common problem amongst medics/vets- have you tried speaking to your colleagues? Have you tried ringing a help-line? (I know they do specific ones for vets, not a clue for medics). Have...
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I just don't get it. I am literally on the verge of tears right now. I just got rejected by this girl whom I've been talking to for a whole year, when she told me she loves me and wanted to date me. Suddenly when I tell her I'm okay with it, she says she's gonna hang out with this other guy who she apparently knew for 3 years (but they never spoke to each other during that period, according to her), and she said I'm not her type. What the fuck happened, why did she change her mind in literally one day? I really thought we had something going but to see...
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>>17703147
She was interested in you, you didn't do anything. Now it's too late, she lost interest. Move on
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>>17703151
I literally just asked her out and she said no, we're not together. When I tried to ask her about what she meant when she said she loved me, she denied it and called me a liar.
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>>17703147
hard to hear but here goes. She preferred the other guy all along but finally thought she would settle and then he paid her some attention.

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Hi /adv/, I'm a 19 year old guy working his way through the first half of his Freshman College Year, studying for a degree in Computer Science. All during High School I was a very introverted and socially isolated guy. I didn't have much opportunity to date the girls at my old high school since most of them didn't interest me, and the class size wasn't very big.

I've met a girl that I think is very attractive in my classical history class, one of my favorite courses. It took me several weeks to work up the nerve to talk to her, but I did manage...
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Ask if she wants to get together to study sometime. Don't be too sad if it doesnt work out, a lit of first attempts don't when it comes to introversion. I would also suggest you might join a club or something too to improve your social skills a little. That helped me a bit anyhow.
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>>17703137
Bro do you go to concordia?
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>>17703148
This isn't actually my first attempt. I had a girl in high school that I wanted to get with. It didn't work out since she was gay, but we are very close friends

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I have cheated on every girl that I've ever been with, even formed relationships with the person I cheated with. I know its wrong but I just can't help it. I can't just keep sleeping with the same person for too long. I want to experience more and more women, and I hate myself for hurting all the ones I've been with. I'm not gonna bullshit by saying that its an addiction, its a choice that I keep making. Anyone else have this problem? Any ways that can help curb this? Or should I just stay single and have one-night stands when I want to get laid?
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I think you should stay single and burn yourself out. That's the only true answer. If you find yourself cheating on girls left and right the one for you hasn't come along yet.
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I've never cheated on my 5 year long bf. But if this isn't some of the most boring days lately.
>I'm 24 and he's 33
>We both like video games.
>He is slowly getting mad at me for playing video games.
>Has debt from terrible choices in his life
>Try to help him a little but I can barely save money
>don't have sex for weeks even though I want to
>has...
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>>17703111
I think you should stay single.
Honestly, it can hurt a lot to be cheated on. Even more so when you form a relationship with the person you are cheating with.
I think you will accumulate a lot of negative energy if you continue doing this.

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Any tips?

I was sexually assaulted 3 years ago.
Prior to that time, I was a pretty free spirited type of woman. I had sex within long term, monogamous relationships, but I had no problem getting freaky and a very high sex drive.

That has all been shattered.

Intercourse is often painful and almost completely unenjoyable for me now. It is difficult to get wet. I just "want it to be over."

I had counseling after the assault, but it never got to these sexual problems.

Only recently, when trying to focus on the source of these issues,...
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>>17703080

You need to specifically see a clinical psychologist with a concentration in sex therapy. Vulvadynia and PTSD are issues you probably won't be able to overcome yourself. Sorry it happened to you, I hope you manage to recover.
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>>17703080
>Counselling

Try again. Make sure you say you want to focus on these issues. You've got to lead the sessions because you're the one paying for them.

I was abused as a child, left me feeling pretty numb about sex (have it lots, partner never clocks on but I'm not mentally there, I'm just playing the role of good sex partner). Counselling has helped lots but only because I would bring certain issues to the table at the start of every session. There's nothing other anons can do for you.
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>>17703086
Yes, this is probably true.

However, I live in a pretty rural area right now where there isn't much option for finding a specialist in sex therapy.

I usually do pretty well with self-driven psychotherapy, using self-help books etc. I tried reading a book called "A Pain in the Pelvis" but it focuses primarily on men.

Thanks for your sentiments.
I am honestly surprised to see that the trauma is still having such an impact on me, but I guess that is the horrible thing about sexual assault.


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