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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 341. page
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I need to earn money fast. I live in Kansas and I don't have a single reason to get out of bed in the morning. Leaving the house makes me want to kill myself. I have to get out of this place, hopefully to New York City, and if I don't earn guap for the big move and get a job lined up out there I'm screwed. Here's why I haven't done it already: health is fucked and I can't do manual labor or anything too stressful. Is getting on disability my only option? I'm already doing mTurk from time to time but it's peanuts. I also happen to be a...
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I do advise getting the fuck out of Kansas, but you gotta just do it, dude.

>can't do anything stressful

well you'd better figure out what you have to offer, because in the working world "non-stressful" is mostly synonymous with "low-paid"
>>
>>17593678
I have musical and artistic talent out the ass. Doubt that is supposed to do much, but for what it's worth, this is my deviantart http://heyomontana.deviantart.com/ and I play violin, piano, bass, vocals, and drums, and I do it all well. Right now I have a radio spot live in Kansas for one night, unpaid, as part of university... which I'm too sick to take any other classes for, so radio's the only one left. I'm not giving that up.
>>
>>17593678
Also thanks.

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Am I obligated to tell a guy I've had a child before even if they're not in my life at all?
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>>17593658
It'd be real weird if it comes up and he didn't know
>>
depends on whether you want a relationship based on lies or not.
>>
>>17593658

If you're in a relationship with him, yes.

At what point you tell him is completely up to your common sense. 1st or 2nd date is probably too soon whereas 2 years into a relationship is probably too late.

Use your head but, in no uncertain terms, you have to tell him eventually.

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During high school have a huge crush on this girl but we're only acquainted. I sent her flowers at Valentines (through a 3rd party) and I just talked to her over the phone without telling her who I was. But something happened because I'm a fucking idiot and pissed her off. 2 days after that I tried to approach her when she's alone to apologize but she just passed by me and wouldnt talk to me. So that's that--I kept my distance. On the next school year a mutual friend accompanied her to my classroom and our friend asked if she can borrow one of my books and...
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Bait.
>>
>>17593651
Sending flowers anonymously and talking on the phone without identifying yourself is what the world calls stalking.
>>
I'm really concerned that she knows it was me who sent the flowers and called her that night. What do?

SUP /ADV/, luv u.

Me and the lady's one year is on the 24th..so close..but...problem!

I've been feeling for a month or so now that things need to end, that I need to go onwards...I'm 20 and have been dating her since I started college, she is a year older not that it matters.

I have potential to be with a lot of different women and try a lot of things out - pretty much lined up if I left my girl. Now, I feel as though I have learned what I have needed to - and my lady as well...that it is now time to even though we love eachother, separate...
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>>17593642
good fucking luck, the grass is always greener OP.
But if it's a good relationship and you love her, stay. Seriously stop fantasizing about the what ifs because if you leave, chances are she'll resent you and think she's not good enough and you'll be stuck thinking what if you didn't leave.
Don't be a piece of shit. Count your blessings.
>>
>>17593642

>I have to break up with my girlfriend
>I don't want to break up with my girlfriend
>What do I do?

Keep dating her for the rest of your life and confess and your deathbed that you've only been with her because you were too afraid to leave.

Thats the only logic option in my mind.
>>
>>17593642
Well do you know for certain that you absolutely want to explore around? I'm going to break this down.

Since you still love her but just feel a little stuck and want to explore "for now". The best outcome that you want is to take a break from your relationship with her, go out and live and explore, and then when you're ready, get back together with her.

The problem lies in that if you take a break, it might not be a break but an actual break up and you'll really hurt her and...
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A guy randomly started chatting with me on Facebook about 2 months ago, and we hit it off since. We talked every couple days and sometimes for hours and late in the middle of the night. We're not sure if there's anything beyond friendship, probably just a apprehensive/nervous thing, but he decided to come visit me (I'm in another state).

So we set up a dinner date and I invited my best friend to come along. Everything is turning out well, he's very handsome and we're hitting it off, but something happens and him and me kind of hit a wall that...
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...isn't it considered creepy to just message a girl on facebook like that?
>>
You already lost him, at least his exclusivity. He may still be interested in you, but he's also probably interested in your friend as well, although I doubt they've already hooked up if they left 2 hours ago, but no, you shouldn't call them. Realize that you fucked up a couple times through this process.

Also, why the hell would you bring a friend to a dinner date with someone you were interested in?
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>>17593645
Plenty of people do it nowadays, anon.

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I face an ethical quandary, and I'd like outside opinions.

I am a gymnastics coach. I've been coaching for close to 15 years, and if I may put humility aside for a moment, I'm really fucking good at it. I've had former students tell me that I changed their lives, I've had kids with broken families tell me they feel safest and most at-home and most-loved when they're at the gym with me, I've had former students go on to successful circus careers, I've had kids win national championships. Coaching is my passion, and I really feel that I have a great gift for it.

However, coaching in the USA means being a member of USA Gymnastics. I've always known USAG to be a fairly dysfunctional organization; recently, however, a flood of evidence has begun pouring forth that they have failed spectacularly in their duty to protect kids in the sport, especially at the top levels. Former olympic gymnasts are coming forward with stories of physical, verbal, and even sexual abuse. A number of documents have recently surfaced proving that USAG knew about a number of coaches who were sexually abusing kids, and did nothing to prevent it (and even in some cases protected the coaches in question). Remember all that shit about how the Catholic Church was protecting pedophile priests? Think along those lines, and apparently that's the sort of shit that has been going on within USA Gymnastics.

So now I face a profound moral dilemma. I truly feel that coaching is my calling, and that I am improving the lives of the kids I work with in ways that follow them out of the gym, and stick with them for the rest of their lives; however, I feel that USAG is a corrupt and rotten organization, and I am not sure if I'm comfortable continuing to pay membership dues and participate in USAG-sanctioned events.

Were I to drop my USAG membership, I would not be able to attend any competitions at any level, which would effectively make me unemployable as a competitive level coach.

What do?
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Clean up the organization?
>>
gather evidence, blow the whistle, do your job and clean up the organization while you're at it.
>>
Oh, to clarify: at this point the whistle has already been blown, the court cases are pending, and USAG and its lawyers and its insurance already know they're in deep shit. These effects have not (yet) trickled down to smaller member organizations, such as the one where I currently work.

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So /adv/ I've been going through this on my head for MONTHS please bear it with me alright. I seriously need someone to talk to about this who is neutral. My friends will just give me biased advice. I'll try to make it as short as possible.

>meet current gf on first semester of college
>I fall in love as soon as I catch a glimpse of her
>after a lot of struggles and fighting and shit (one of her close friends had liked me for years before I met my gf and she so happened...
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what were a lot of ur arguments about? and who started the arguments most of the time?
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bump for interest
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>>17593604
>calls me that same morning, she's in tears begging me to explain why exactly I broke up with her, asking me if I still love her
>I tell her that I was sick of her being angry all the time and fighting over petty bullshit and treating me badly whenever she wanted
>she fucking begs me to give her another chance, still crying a river
>my heart melts and I give in, tell her my conditions

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I think my ex boyfriend is dating someone else. She is a big source of my insecurities because he used to talk to her a lot, even before anything bad happened.

I truly wish them happiness if it is true, but I can't get this thought of him being with the girl who is better than me.

I feel like some piece of garbage that you just throw away and don't need anymore.

I feel so broken inside.

Any advice on how to feel better? I am scared of feeling so bad.
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>>17593574
>I think my ex boyfriend is dating someone else
>ex boyfriend

So what is the problem?
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>>17593574
Did you dump him or did he dump you op
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>>17593574
>Any advice on how to feel better?
Become better. Lift weights. Learn Korean. Become a great chef.

If you are worried about your value, become more valuable.

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>me
>18
>senior year
>at a party with friend and his gf who just graduated year before
> was really dedicated to boxing at the time so I didn't drink or drug (still don't, still box)
>party gets raided
>I'm DD since I'm sober
>we leave, cops are posted at the front of the community basically checking everyone...
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>>17593526

Join us next week for another exciting episode of "Things That Never Happened"
>>
Cont.

>he flips out
>I tell him to stop being a little bitch and fight me
>he says okay let's meet at this gym and well have a one on one in the parking lot
>call my black friends from the boxing gym
>they know what happened, so they're down to help me out
>bring like 5 of them
>get to the parking lot at the designated time

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>>17593526
Next time you post a thread about how retarded you are, instead, shove a cactus up your ass and shut down your computer.

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>med school fag
>spent the entire time drinking
>cheated on literally every exam
>paid people to do labs and work for me
>figured I'd just teach myself how to do this shit sometime
>this friday I'm going to be operating on someone
>I literally have no understanding of any of this
>seriously don't know any biology...
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Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Give yourself up as a fraud. Admit your shortcoming. That's the best way for everyone involved, but you'll be embarrassed and your reputation will sink.

Alternatively, you could do the surgery. But they'll probably die and you'll be sued, with your reputation tarnished.
>>
>>17593523
I would just quit. Walk away and the patient won't die by your hands.
>>
I have my doubts that you could cheat this hard and make it to clinicals, but you need to give yourself up. If you fuck up they are going to look into why you did so badly, and they will investigate and catch you. And you will be held liable for the damages the patient undergoes. If they die that means manslaughter, maybe even 2nd degree murder.

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>tfw no qt short haired tomboy gf
Should I just kill myself, /adv/?
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>>17593446
No.
Just stop deciding what your girlfriend should look like before you've even met her.
>>
>>17593464
This

Also, you sure you're not homosex op?
>>
>>17593464
Impossible. I've tried dating other girls and I legitimately can't feel any romantic or sexual feelings for girls besides this type.

>>17593471
I do think about dicks a lot, but otherwise have zero interest in guys, so yes.

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Why did she ghost me?

Basically I met this girl online, and we started chatting and hit it off massively. We would talk every day for 5 hours non-stop. Then it all abruptly stopped. (We do live an Ocean apart)

This is our last exchange. I tried to make contact twice after, she would read them, but I never get a response.
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she wanted physical contact over pen pals


either to look for it, or found it
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>>17593435
lol who knows. this seems to happen a lot
>>
Sort of henpecked. You sends long message, and she answers formal short message

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>going on a date this weekend

How the fuck do I do this

Tell me anything
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>>17593402
>bring cute doggy to date
>take woman home
>lock doggy out of bedroom and fill its bowl
>plow her

if you forget step 3 youre a monster
>>
>>17593402
Relax for starters, as of right now it's just another person

Secondly, go out and have a drink together. A little bit of liquor will ease tensions for both of you. Then just take it from there
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>>17593432
We're going out to a restaurant. She's 24 and I'm 19, so I can't have drinks in the restaurant, she probably will though.

Should I smoke some weed beforehand? She knows I smoke weed, but I don't know if she would want me to be high on a date

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So I've been talking to this girl for two weeks now. We've texted 24/7 and have hung out a few times but I didn't kiss her, but she texted our mutual friend and said she was surprised I didn't, but I've made my intentions clear over the past few day. She's apparently told our friend she likes me. She and I were on snapchat last night and she was crying about her ex and I comforted her and the next day we got coffee and talked for an hour at a park before she quickly had to go babysitt.

Just today we were texting and she said some foreign...
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>>17593385
>What should I do?

First off, stop texting her 24/7. Save those conversations for when you're in person.

Secondly, stop being a shoulder to cry on and letting her talk about her ex like that.

Third, stop beating around bush/making excuses and just kiss her already.

As far as the other guy, I wouldn't be too concerned. If she truly likes you, she'll stick with you, but you need to make a move soon, or she'll lose attraction. Maybe you can...
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>>17593470
>>17593470
It's homecoming at another school, ours isn't for like a month. But you do have a point about the texting. Idk about the ex thing cause he apperently bitched her out. I just said she could vent, she said thanks and called me sweet a bunch--it was just a text or two about it. I said we could get coffee tomorrow to cheer her up. She had to babysitt so she speed off before I could make a move
>>
>>17594213
By tomorrow I mean yesterday now

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I have a passion for architecture, but repeatedly hear from others that it's a too competitive market with little potential of return, and all I'll end up doing is getting into debt for nothing.

I can't imagine myself slaving away in something else, but pressure is mounting and I can't keep my shitty part time job either. What do I do?
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>>17593329
I used to work as a mechanical engineering consultant and most of or projects had the architect as the lead consultant. Architects go to at least 7 years of school, some of that interning at a firm. After graduating they continue working to the path towards licensure, and accruing other credentials. Their actual work at the firm will likely start low as a draftsman working in autocad or revit, learning the various building codes. They also need to know the basics of mechanical, civil, structural, electrical engineering...
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>>17593369
Gotcha. In that case, I'll just spend my savings on a shotgun and a single shell.
>>
>>17593329
>>17593369
Talking about Europe but here you study for 5 years which includes internship or in some programs, you do it in one year before graduating, so it is 6 years all together.
But schools are free or really cheap and you get government support to live.
If you are more active, you can work already when you study. The most important is that you have great rendering skills, which some who like IT and working with various programmes, have already before...
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To any introverts who overcame crippling anxiety: how did you do it? If you couldn't, how do you mask it?

Despite trying more consciously to put myself out there and even switching from a job that requires no communication to a customer service oriented one, I seem to be regressing. I now feel paranoid and uncomfortable talking about even bland subjects with family and friends despite having no rational reason for discomfort (most are reasonably trustworthy and supportive).
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Surprisingly this post is super germane today...

Made a fucking LOOOOONG post chain in another thread about how I did exactly that (Be warned: It's a legit 10 posts long)

>>17592512

The TL;DR of it (there's one in that thread too), i took baby steps and forced myself to be in positions that would make me grow as a person, even when shit sucked and I was at my wits end.
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>>17593269
I didn't have crippling anxiety but I did have a really bad case of PTSD, I was ambushed and attacked by a group of dudes that I didn't get along with in college. When I reported the crime to the cops, they didn't do shit because they thought it was just a bunch of kids rough housing, so I also gained an extreme hatred for cops. On top of all this I refused to tell my parents because they would never let me forget it. So I bottled it all up for a long while. Eventually I didn't want to explain...
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If you see somebody who could do with some help, give it to them, you will interact with people and feel good after you've done it.

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Age 4-5ish
>my father used to take me his room when nobody was home
>used to throw "underwear parties"
>thought this was normal
Years later, I'm 19
>father comes out as gay
>remember these "underwear parties"
>remember deeper, he made me play with his cock
>realize he was experimenting on me
I'm finally starting...
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I'm Sorry. Take time to think about all this and write it down. You are still in the shock stage.
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>>17593317
This and talk to someone about it?
He's not gay....he's a paedophile...
>>
>>17593252

trust me when i saw ur not alone, though my dad was far less subtle about it. started touching me inappropriately and ended up molesting me through most of highschool.

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I'm in my 30s. I'm attractive, wealthy, no problem getting dates or anything. How do I stop being attracted to 16-17 year old girls? And why does it seem like the girls I date that are close to my age are just as valid as those I date fresh out of college?
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When you say wealthy, I am assuming a trust fund kid.
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>>17593249
I have a high paying job but yeah thanks to mommy and daddy's money.
>>
>>17593257
I mean it really doesn't make a difference. At least he admits it and doesn't try to claim he got to where he was with pure determination and smarts

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How do i be a fun person? I don't even know how to hold a conversation for more than 10 minutes
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>>17593193
You can hold a conversation for 10 minutes?! I thought three minutes was good
>>
anon if you figure it out please let me know. im horrible at conversations with people.
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>>17593201
Well idk it's not like i count the minutes but compared to how others talk about nothing for hours it's not much really

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How long should I wait to message this girl who re-added me two days ago. She added me and she's an old highschool crush I had.
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Don't bother. She isn't interested in you that way.
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>>17593143
ok will do
>>
>>17593143
why would she send me a friend request after all those years? It's not like we ever talked or anything.

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How to stick your mind to studying? I missed 2 days of school and with AP classes that isn't too good. I have a test tomorrow and two tests the day after and I can't seem to focus. Any ideas?
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If you were sick, are you sure you're not still sick?
>>
read take notes and memorize. even if you have to write something down 3 times and say it outloud make sure you memorize the important things.
>>
>>17593146
Still got a bit of a cough and residual symptoms. I guess that coupled with the sudden realization of how much I missed has thrown me for a loop.
>>17593194
I'll give that a try with the notes I got to catch up on, thanks for the idea

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I've lost all motivation and I don't know why. I used to be one of the hardest workers even for shit I hated to do. One day when I got back to school, I just shut down and I have no longer have motivation to do anything except for stupid shit like hanging out with friends. I have no clue what happened and I made my mom cry a couple of times and I hated that.
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>>17593106

Maybe your body and mind needs a break or it might be pressure to perform.

Hows the relationship between your mom other than that? How's the relationship life?
Do you live with your mom?
>>
>>17593106

How long has this been going on OP?
>>
>>17593163
Yeah I live with her, the relationship has been very rocky since childhood. It's not all bad it has it's ups, downs, or just in the middle. I mostly just remember the middle and downs (could just be my pessimistic personality.) We don't really have compatible personalities.
>>17593166
Since the end of spring this year

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My bf and I have been together for 3 years now and we have a good sex life but over the last couple of years I seem to have developed a thought, a fetish that I just can't seem to get out of my head.

I want to bring it up with him because I feel like if we want to stand a chance in the long run then we have to be as honest as we can.

I should probably just spit it out, I really want my boyfriend to.. Pee inside me... In my pussy and maybe my ass.

I think some people might think that's not that bad and some people will think I'm strange but...
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that's a good way develop some kind of infection, i'm sure
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>>17593104
this is what i used to think sex was
>>
>>17593161
Optimal.

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Tl;dr can't have guy - how to stop worshipping him

Is it meaningful to get obsessed over a guy, if you don't want to date him?

He is some sophisticated and classy large ham trope embodiment. With looks of an anime bishounen. Oh god.
(It can be intentional, he watched anime a lot)
You know that moment when some unusual person comes to your bleak life and shines in comparison?
That is that, i can't get enough of his crazy antics.

But he has lots of female friends, flirts with everyone, wanted to date my best friend.
And is so out...
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just be yourself
>>
I would advise to become one of his harem... but by your description he's the opposite of a harem lead. Tough luck.

Maybe you can sublimate your feelings into friendship?
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>>17593150
I've done this and he didn't appreciate.
Stuttering naive girls don't attract him.

>>17593155
I am trying to be a friend and can act politely cold when i talk to him irl.
After that i can't wait to tell everything about him, including how i stalk him on facebook to my best friend.

Can you even live with an obsession over someone you don't see as a romantic partner?

He is a perfect role model and likes the same...
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it's gross and it takes forever for the water to drain. like hours.
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You have 3 choices:
1. Hire a plumber (or a friend) to clean the drain
2. Buy some Drano (or other drain cleaner)
3. Use a plunger or one of those cheap plastic "snakes" and get the crap our yourself.
>>
>>17593108
well ive tried the drano stuff before and it made it lots better but not really fixed. how do i fix it myself? where do you buy "snakes"?
>>
>>17593093
>women can do anything men can do
You sure about that, now? Just go online and diagnose your own problem and find out how to fix it. I recommend getting a two buckets and a tool set from a man in your family. Unless you want to ask for help.


>>17593108
>imblying she knows what a snake is

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I've just broken up with a girl for reasons. I was her first. I talked to her face to face. I feel like complete shit right now. What can I do to reduce the pain? What approach do I have to take to not feel so terrible?
9 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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>>17593085
Wait. Give it time. It will eventually get better. You did good by talking to her face to face, too.

Don't see breaking up as something you did to hurt her, but as if you gave her and yourself a chance to meet someone better and be happier.
Good things are always a bit painful and risky at first.
If you're convinced it was the right thing for you both, you did good.
>>
>>17593085
How did you do it?
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>>17593103
We walked and talked about it for around an hour. She wanted to stay together but I had to push her back. I won't state the reasons.

Ok /adv/ you guys always have my back and I believe someone can help me. This is a story…
TL:DR
>Buddy’s phone was on 1% for 60 minutes with full brightness and no low power mode playing audio via aux cord.
>I heard my friend who passed away early august sing along with the music or through the music idk, he was singing with us, we used to sing old school songs all the time when we worked at Panera
>Buddy of mine lost a friend not too long, same as me.
>She...
Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
9 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
>>
shameless self bumps 1/5
>>
bump 2/5
>>
3/5 im bumping to five if no takers ill check thread after class and hope it didnt die lol

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So, when I meet people, specially girls IRL I seem to be liked a lot. They laugh at my jokes, they genuinely look interested in what I say and are engaged in the conversation, etc. I have instances where they would initiate physical contact, ask me for my number, or faccebook, and so on. Even give me their number after telling me they have a boyfriend.
The thing is, when I go to talk to them online, or on the phone, they could give less of a fuck. Seriously, be it that I want to hang out as a friend, or go on a date, or fucking whatever, people will not reply to me, they...
Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
18 replies and 2 images submitted. Click here to view.
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>>17593022
Pretty sure that's the way normal humans ought to be. Telephones are just machines to see if the other person is there and to relay important bits of information. Not to gossip and carry on

https://youtu.be/wIXL8tpKm6g
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>>17593034
Mhhh, not sure if I agree. I know that people definetly use online and phone chats and calls to arrange to hang out later and for chit-chatting.
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>>17593041
>people definetly use online and phone chats and calls to arrange to hang out later and for chit-chatting.
Yeah. Say hi, make a date to hang out and end it at that. No one is going to be upset because you won't text them all day long.

Then again, you might just be a person who comes off as a good person to socialize with but in reality you're a sperg or something that turns people off.

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Is it acceptable for me to ask this girl I like to homecoming? I figured it would be a good thing for me to do since we've never talked but I like her. I just haven't known how to start anything without looking like a complete beta. The only problem is she goes to a different school than me. Acceptable or no? Would it be weird to basically be asking her to her own school's homecoming? (my school already had theirs.)
10 replies and 2 images submitted. Click here to view.
>>
Make sure to wear a Guy Fawkes mask.
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>>17592993
>Would it be weird to basically be asking her to her own school's homecoming? (my school already had theirs.)

The rest is kind of fine... but this is the part where things definitely get a bit questionable....

Why not just ask her to something like lunch, or dinner, a concert, or just about anything else? Why are you jumping through so many hoops to build such a contrived situation?
>>
>>17593011
Everyone says I should start by saying "hey".

But it just seems so creepy to do that. Especially with other people around

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I have just killed a massive spider that was in my room because i was too scared to pick it up. now i feel guilty. help me.
14 replies and 2 images submitted. Click here to view.
>>
If you were a spider, and you had a human in your room, would you pick it up?
>>
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>>17592970
>now i feel guilty.
>>I killed something that was displeasing me, now i feel bad
It must suck to do one thing then think another. Maybe you should stop being a pussy.
>>
>>17593029
>>17593026
i dont deserve to live. i have killed one of gods creatures, i have committed a sin.


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