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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 361. page
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I'm very sad and miserable. It is bad. I'm also suicidal.

Whenever I'm having an episode, like I am currently, my girlfriend gets very mad and abusive toward me.

I asked her why when I'm sad, she punishes me, she said "think about it."

I really can't understand why.
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>>17579496
because you allow it
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>>17579496
I don't understand the situation completely. Try making it more clear.
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>>17579496
first off
i send my prayers and positive energy towards you, whoever you are
you are a good human being and a decent person, we all are
..
spend some time away from your 'girlfriend', if you feel miserable with her and miserable without her, at least without her, she won't make you feel worse
in the end, she will come to you if she is a good friend
or when you do return to her, she may be more appreciative
or she may never return or you may never go back to her again
.....
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I'm at a point in my career where I need to invest time and $$$ in education if I want to advance any more.

I'm a software QA engineer. I make $80k/yr before taxes, full medical+dental+life, stock options, good work environment. I have an undergrad degree in mechanical engineering, and interned at a few research labs while at college.

The most obvious path is to stick where I'm at, keep making $, work hard, improve my computer skills, and either transition to software engineering or project/product management, whichever makes itself available. This...
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Nice. Sounds like you need to just make a choice and stick with it. Go get more school.
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>>17579485
>Ultimately I want to be making $100k+ after taxes, have zero debt in my late 30s/early 40s, do interesting work, help people, and have a fairly flexible schedule.

well I'd scratch med school of that list right now
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>>17579500
Yeah that's a big problem I have with making big decisions.

>>17579501
Well let's so some quick accounting here. Med school... Let's error on the side of caution and say $300k in debt (4 years, little over 30k for in-state tuition, 30k for living expenses). 4 year residency making about $50k/yr and deferring loans and accruing interest... Then a 10 year plan at 7% apr yields about $70k/yr in loan payments. Pretty fucking hefty, sure... But...
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Made a tinder yesterday and a girl messaged me, she was really forward and asked me to come over her dorm for some drinks.

we sent a couple snapchats and she seemed like her pictures were up to date, of course when I got there she was a bit heavier than her pictures lead to believe, but being the horndog that I am, I just went along with it.

We hung out and played checkers and had drinks for like 30 minutes before she went to her roomates room for like 5 minutes, (I cant remember why)

so we're talking and she's playing music on a speaker through...
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>>17579468
>she did the whole "im soo sorry spheal"


Anyway, you're probably uglier than your photos so she probably arranged her friend to call her back in X minutes so she could make an excuse to get rid of you.
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>>17579475
that's not the case though, I look better in person, I don't even take flattering photos
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>>17579475
This. Or you somehow upset/turned her off with something you said or did.

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Should i be taking this since i barely eat shit and im only
>5,8 manlet
>130 lbs
and terrible at eating shit except brown rice and chicken breasts. pls WELP
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I'm not an expert but as far as I know taking multivitamins isn't really a "must" thing and neither is it something you *shouldn't* do. Multivitamins will help you makeup for vitamin deficiencies you have in certain areas and stuff and whatever extra vitamins you have your body will either use or throw out.

But do note these do not give you energy. These help your body function. Calories are what give you energy and/or gain weight.
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>>17579467
Drink milk friend.
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>>17579607
op here i do. drink milk everyday

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I have moved back to my city after working in another city for 3 years.

Most of my friends are married with kids or just stay home and drink/play video games. I am single and want to be more social, make new friends and hopefully meet a girl.

My friends don't like going out, so I'm thinking of going out alone.

Do you think it's crazy for me to go to bars and pubs by myself, and try make friends that way?

Tonight there is some Latin party in my city tonight and a lot of people are going to it (a lot of non-Latina as well). I'm thinking...
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>>17579460
>I am single and want to be more social, make new friends and hopefully meet a girl.

Want a girl? Go to speed dating or something. Don't expect to find girls by yourself if you don't have a strong social network.
>>
Tried speed dating but had no luck.

So by the sounds of things with no social circle I am wasting my time and will look like a wierdo?
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>>17579515

Not look like a weirdo, that's not why I meant.

I'm saying, if you are really alone, focus on meeting "people", not "girls". Build a new social network.

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Has anyone here tried microdosing (taking drugs in small doses)? I'm thinking of doing it to counter social anxiety and poor confidence.
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Have you read some articles about it already?
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>>17579442
Of course
It catched my curiousity because I have ADHD and LSD micro dosing is said to improve social skills, musical and dance talent, concentration and study skills, etc. I'm bad at all of these things so I'd like to try it out.

That being said I'm sort of scared of long term effects of LSD use.
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>>17579458
I don't thihnk microdosing lsd would really have any long term effects (could be wrong though). What youre describing sounds more like you maybe wanna look up modafinil. I don't know if it works as well on someone with adhd because some people describe it to be a bit like speed (which is essentially Ritalin).

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Whenever I enter a relationship or am on the verge of entering one (flirting with positive reception, a couple of dates, etc), I immediately get "bored" of the woman. How do I fix this?
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Why do you get bored?
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>>17579407
Why are you attracted to them in the first place?
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>>17579409
I don't know.

>>17579411
It depends. Sometimes we share hobbies/get along, other times they're really attractive and we get along well.

Met a girl on Tinder and she wants to come to my flat tomorrow for sex, while not outright stating that's her intention it seems incredibly obvious.

I've never done something like this before. What the heck do I do when we get into my flat? I assume we'll have some small talk first but how exactly do I transition that into sex without looking like an idiot?
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She's probably a hooker, dumbass. Make sure you have cash and condoms.
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>>17579395
Helpful, even if she is one I'd just kick her out.
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>>17579412
Yeah, sure. Of course you are.

Cash, condoms; and stick a fork in pooper to post on /b/.

I saw a bunch of those "if you don't reply" posts yesterday.

And I just found out my mom, who I barely knew, died today. I am listening to my siblings, who were close to her, scream and cry as I type this.

I'm not fucking kidding, I am dead serious.

It's like some big sick joke. I don't know how to feel. What should I fucking do?
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nothing, you didn't know her
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Cool story, bruh.
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>>17579382
I'm not joking.

I added that first part because it makes it seem like some big fucking joke by the universe. Maybe that was a mistake.

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Just got off the phone with the police and confirmed that my buddy, who had recently started divorce proceedings with his cunt of a wife about a month ago, (they’ve both got lawyers but haven’t been in court yet) is sitting in jail tonight and will be going up before a judge tomorrow (probably via video) and I’ll find out then about bail and such.

Earlier tonight, a joint friend of ours called me and asked if I had heard from our buddy, as he had gotten a text from him from earlier in the evening asking for a place to crash for the night (last week he had slept...
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sucks for him, he's gonna have a record when it comes to the divorce. Definitely not gonna get custody of the kids
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He brought it on himself. My brother did too, regardless of the warnings we gave him

Protip: truly know the bitch you plan on marrying
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>>17579372
>>17579396

OP here, and I’m assuming the cops couldn’t arrest him simply on the cunt wife’s say-so but I find it hard to believe he would have actually done anything to justify having the cops called on him.

Everything about her says this was a fabrication and/or a set-up.

He knows she’s a crazy bitch (his lawyer has all kinda cell phone video evidence of her freaking out on him, plus bazillions of insane texts messages) and he was in the...
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So got a weird one for ya. my gf cries more than she poops. its kinda worrying, she eats well just never shits. she would tell me if she did as we are bizarrely comfortable together. but now the crying she will cry over the most crazy of things. she has work early tommorow morning and i didnt want to be a pest so i told her im gonna have a wank (i know now saying that was probably wrong) and she started crying. but most the time she comes up to me crying for literally no reason. she also cries when she gets too happy. i just want to know what i can do to comfort her? or shall i just keep telling her to let it out? also does she need laxatives? is there a correlation?
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>>17579337
She isn't pooping because she isn't eating enough fibre and vegetables - simple fact.

The over expression of emotions can be countered by not engaging with them. If she's only crying around you it's because she's trying to elicit a response from you - be it compassion, guilt, comfort - what have you. Just don't engage and don't encourage her when she kicks up and eventually she'll realize that the behaviour is counterproductive when she isn't getting what she wants.
>>
I don't have much experience with this kind of person. The one person I know who is like this is very nice. The frequent crying might be a bad sign for her mental health.
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>>17579337
Encourage her to seek the assistance of a doctor and a mental health professional.

A few weeks ago I went to a bar and this beautiful girl was in the band that was playing. She played two nights in a row, and on the second night I was there she came up to me and thanked me for coming to both shows, we talked a bit, etc. At the end of the night she told me to add her on fb. The next day I did. She never accepted and I stopped thinking about it (mostly).

Last night I went to the bar and she was playing again. She came up and tried to say something to me but her male bandmate pulled her away and they kind of argued about something, all I caught was "Now...
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Hey OP,

Texting with a girl you don't really know is actually so much easier than one you do know. You can literally talk about whatever you want man.

Your text example was good but I think you need to make it a bit more interesting/funny than asking how it's going. Maybe ask if she gets a lot of male groupies and just continue talking from there on about things. You gotta make it look like you don't really put effort in it to make her like you via text but more just light conversation and when that is at a high point ask her when her next show will...
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>>17579422
Thanks for your thoughts. My biggest problem through text is definitely not being casual enough, I always overthink things and sound way too formal. Even if I'm texting a guy it's like that, unless it's one of my few close friends
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>>17579498
It's no problem to overthink it. Just don't make it seem like that and make it look like you just typed something up and sent it.

If you want to be more casual just try to tease her a bit.

>Just don't do something like:

Dear X,

long message and bullshit.

Sincerely,

You

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How much will my quality of life improve if I completely ignore all women? I'm really sick of their shit.
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It'll greatly decrease, because it's hard to go about your day to day life if you're ignoring half the population.
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>>17579308

mostly this. not even for his reason, but in ignoring them you still give them all the power. you're doing this because of them, essentially FOR them.

and the entire time you'll be thinking about htem, and how you cant get one and blah blah blah.

you need a healthy relationsihp with the world as a whole, and women are a part of that
>>
We're equally as sick of yours.

Fuck off and take this shit to /r9/ery.

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Hey /adv/ hope you're having a good night. So I've been emailing with this girl from a school activity (doesn't matter which one) and I didn't have her number so I just used her university email address (which I've never sent anything to directly but our professors send group emails to us so it's not like I stalked her to get it or anything) and asked some questions about the things we need to turn in. I had grown to like her over the time we had spent so I segued the emails into casual friendly conversation. We made a lot of jokes and started talking...
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When I take ages to email (or text) back, it's normally because I'm not that interested in the conversation but don't want to be rude.

>inb4 "why don't you just tell them that you're not interested"
Because "I don't want to talk to you" is even ruder
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>>17579287

Aren't you supposed to be working on a project?

Stop worrying about the skirt and focus on the class, nimrod.
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>>17579305
But there's a lot of ways to end a conversation without being a dick. Like "Just in case you were wondering why I respond so late, I've been really busy lately so I might not be able to talk." Or something similar.
Is that so hard?

>>17579321
You don't know me. I set my own pace and work responsibly. And I'll worry about the skirt if I damn well want to. I'm tired of being alone and sexless.

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GUIDELINES:
Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered.
Keep questions short for more answers.
If you're not going to like honest answers, don't ask your question.
And please no derailing arguments.

FAQ:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
>Would you date a virgin?
><random insecurity>
Some...
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Guy here:

How can one tell if a date went poorly? I went on a date with a girl Thursday night. She ended the date by hugging me and saying "Hey we should do this again." Then she texted me when she got home saying "Thanks for the great time :)." I'm just wondered because I haven't heard from her again since then. Thoughts?
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>>17579286
When you say you haven't heard anything, have you made an effort to contact her?
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>>17579292
Besides "liking" a couple tweets of her on Twitter, no. Haven't texted her or anything.

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So, I have an associates degree (AAS), I go to college from 1-4pm monday-friday. Pursuing accounting if that matters. What can I do for a job with the associates degree?
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Do you have any work experience? Anything at all, even if it's not related?
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>>17579276
I have worked as a cashier, and a porter at a dealership. No clubs, or anything in college due to averaging 18 credit hours.

I have experience in fixing cars due to my hobby. (None of it on the books) by experience I mean I can tear down a rotary engine, do bushings, breaks, replace parts (i.e motor mounts, head gaskets, gaskets, you name it, I replace it).

I have fixed computers for a side business (None of it on the books). Diagnosing and replacing hardware (I.E, hard drive, motherboard, lcd, you...
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>>17579299
I have about 20 regular customers for the computer repair, although it is not sustainable due to the nature of the job. AKA. I would need a bigger customer base to make it my job. Usually I have the same people come back every 1/2 a year, so I earn about $2000 every 6 months.

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I'm ENTJ, my natural talent is logic and math, but I find it boring as fuck (I find math to be lame shit), but I find math to be easy.

My passion though, is art, I love humanities and art, I love music, drawing, painting, and all that emotional shit, even while I'm not a personally emotional person.

I guess I'm going to study software engineering, because I like coding, even while art is my passion.

I just suck at making art, but is my dream.

Is there a way to mix my passion with my natural talent?
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>>17579267
Look up the artwork of M C Escher.
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>>17579267

You're so lucky to have a natural talent for something that brings value to the marketplace. You can go into art later. There are many forms of art that encompass math and logic. Google Jeffrey Steele.
>>
>>17579267
I feel the same way (ENTJ as well). I do it more as a hobby though . I play an instrument and occasionally write "short" stories .

Hey guys I've been sick for almost two weeks now. Symptoms are uncontrollable cough, headache, sore body, sore lumpy throat, etc. I went to the doctors four days ago and all they told me was that it would clear up in two days. Its not getting any better though, it's getting worse. It's gotten to the point where I have trouble sleeping at night because I keep coughing. It's hard to swallow food because it irritates my throat. I also literally shit out foam and cloudy water. I don't know what this is and I don't know what to. Please help.
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>>17579237
Before picture
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When you're sick those nodes and shit in the back of your tongue and throat can swell up. They're not really a symptom of anything specific.
>>
>trusting one doctors opinion
Kek, people die from that all the time

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>vomitting everyday
>break down into tears whenver I'm alone
>irritable around family
>hide away in the background whenever in a group or social setting
>feel mentally flat and like I'm getting stupider


How do I fix this?
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>>17579234

figure out why you are vomitting. how are you not as a doctors office right fucking now?
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>>17579254

I'm afraid to. He'll probably just say It's "nerves" or something.
>>
Bump? Is this a physical concern? I don't know why it's happening.

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Hi /adv/, I've been a security guard at a casino in MS for over 6 years now. I have no chance to move up at all and I probably wouldn't make more money in another department. My question is what can I do with this 6 years of sec experience? I have no military or police background and I've never fired a weapon but I have would have no problem learning how, but I don't really feel savvy about actually getting into the military. And as most of you probably know, MS is a pretty shit kicker state in most regards, not a lot of good employment where I'm located....
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No idea.

Bump anyway.
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>>17579257
Pity posts are appreciated.
>>
>>17579262
Here's another.

Maybe ask /k/ and build in something to do with guns. They're more likely to have people that will have answers. Just keep it weapons or military; you know the drill.

it's really hard for me to go out with my boyfriend because of my extreme social anxiety. even though i'm under treatment and getting a little better compared to what i used to be, it is still a challenge for me to go out, specially when his friends are with us. i try to act as normal as possible, but yesterday i had a mental breakdown in front of everyone. well, the question is: what would be "okay" activities to do with him while i get used to this? i've never had a boyfriend nor friends so this is all new to me. he understands me but i'm afraid...
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Do you know how fucking rare social anxiety is in countries outside America?

What the fuck is wrong with the people we are making that they can't even be around other himabs without losing their shit? What the fuck thing are we doing that is causing this? This seems to be a bigger problem with recent generations, so it has to be something we started doing in the last 50 years.
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>>17579203
What does this mean: "mental breakdown"? Provide more details.

Also, just do what suits you. If he's worth it, he'll be fine. Don't do fake stuff being a fake person where you're all uncomfortable inside for the sake of other people.
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>>17579209
You are not being helpful. There are plenty of places to rant about how shitty American culture is that are more appropriate than this person's advice thread.

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>working lunch shift
>notice that someone is making a sandwich wrong
>try to say "No cheese on the turkey!"
>accidentally say "No cheese on the nigger!"

>fired on the spot

How do I get my job back?
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>>17579177

thats hilarious anon. you dont.
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>>17579177
Get a new one.
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>>17579177
>How do I get my job back?
Don't feel bad, it's okay. Just apply elsewhere and try not to brain fart again.

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I have frequent sex dreams, and some include my brother (I'm a man). what the hell is wrong with me?
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>>17579121
Just so i understand, you're having sex with him in these dreams?
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>>17579131
yeah, or he's there, or naked or whatever.
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>>17579121
There's nothing wrong with you. You probably think of sex frequently and that in turn effects your dreams. And then family is always there in the back of your mind. If you're unfortunate, they collide. I've had it happen a few times, and it was awkward, but you learn it's normal and move on.

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I don't feel anything. I'm in my second year of uni.
My dad finally left my mom and I don't care.
I don't have any friends and I don't want any.
I'm voting Trump because I want something exciting (bad?) to happen.
My grades are almost perfect.
Are these bad things?
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I hit the same stages in second year of uni... (not in the same political cycle obviously).. but i'm telling you.. do something during the summer of your sophomore to junior year that will re-ground your focus. I'm telling you.. buckle down now, or shit will suck for the next 10-15 years as you try to regain the income you could have been making because you buckled down..

TL;DR - opportunity cost b/w studying and feeling sorry as fuck for yourself.
>>
Choosing not to feel anything is a coping mechanism.

Often when we feel overwhelmed or like things are too much, we just shut down feeling in order to get through.

If I were you, I'd let yourself start feeling things again. Otherwise, I'd say it will come back and bite you, quite hard.

This is just in my experience, but sincerely.
>>
>>17579242
I second this.
I often still find myself trying to "robot" (not in the /r9k/ way) myself when I get overwhelmed, often socially.
What I do then when it gets socially awkward or I get overwhelmed for a longer period of time is me just going into work mode and focusing on studies and saving & making money. It's a very good strategy because I just put my shit aside and it's better long term. But it's also really bad because now I have a really small and loose social circle because...
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So I've been dating a girl for a year....

Recently, we started school back and I cant help but want to be single again. This was the first relationship I've ever had. I used to be massively depressed about being single, until I had her. But now....now I fantasize about other girls and value their opinions more than hers. It sucks, and I don't want to feel this way. I was head over heels and loved her so much, and I still do. I still do love her, but I just am bored I think. It comes and goes, this feeling, its just never been so strong as when I'm...
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Fantasizing about other girls is totally normal. noticing your partner's flaws more and more as time passes is also totally normal. Questioning whether the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? It's an idiom for a reason.

I'd say do something to shake up your current relationship in a positive way. Take a road trip, or do drugs together, or something you've never done before. Try to reignite your interest in her.
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>>17579105
Will it be like this always?
>>
>>17579090
>I start noticing all the annoying things about her that I didnt before, I notice how little flaws more so now.
You have to realize that all people have flaws and irritating things they do/say. A lot of guys end up finding the right girl early on, but get stuck in that "grass is greener" cycle and go through chicks. Then by the time they realize that they're empty inside, and that no girl can really compare to that one that they tossed aside, it's too late. She's...
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Seriously how the fuck do you get over someone you were severely in love with.

Other girls are into me and I can't feel fucking anything for anyone but her.

Everything about it still hurts constantly.

Seriously, I just don't know how I can live like this. Fuck me its miserable.
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>>17579071
You get busy. clean, do chores, work out.

Anytime you start feeling down about her. Resist the urge to blob and throw your mind into something to keep it busy. And no. games and tv don't really work.
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I would suggest therapy. It severely helped me.
I broke up with my first 3 years ago, yet the pain is still there. You just learn to live with it overtime. I recently broke up with another girl that I had been dating for 1.5 years. I found her really boring.
I went to see a therapist and he explained that she was nothing like my first and that I should date someone that gave me the attention like my first.
So, my suggestion is to wait. Try to distract yourself with a hobby. Read, take a class, meet new people. Meditation helped me.
When your ready, try to date...
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>>17579071

you think about the things you loved beside her and focus on those, because those still exist and are still loveable without her.

if your answer to that is 'I ONLY LOVED HER' then you now know its time to focus on making a great life.

if ur answer is 'IM TRYING BUT I STILL THINK OF HER' well duh, there is no instant cure, its something you work through and will hopefully channel into your other projects.

no need to date others for now if a gir lasks just say sorry you're...
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My husband completely flipped on me in the wee hours of the morning because I was snoring. I've never snored much if at all much, except if I am ill. Which I am, I have a fall allergy sinus infection and am in the process of getting insurance (I just turned 26 and I'm a US citizen) so until Monday I can't get to a doctor.

He woke me up to scream at me that I was snoring then stormed out of the room and slept on the couch. He has today and the next three days off from work. For about 2 years now he hasn't really slept fully through the night. But neither...
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You married an angry douchebag. Congratulations
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>>17579036
>What is wrong?
you should both go to a doc , maybe therapists too.
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>>17579050
I think so. We have been married for almost 6 years, this month actually will be 6. For 4 years prior we never had this issue. But last year we moved across country for both our careers.

Maybe it is a sleep disorder impacting them this bad
>>17579044
As I said before, it had only been the mornings of the past year or so. We have been married for 6 years, dating for 10,kiving together for 7. He is perfect and not snappy in every other scenario and time.

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What's there to do on a Saturday night when by yourself?

My friends work on weekends and I got a whole weekend of nothing to do.

What's a good solo activity for a Saturday night?
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Suicide.
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>>17579022

local areas tend to have local events. keep an eye out and go to meetup.com and if you cant find anything, try creating a facebook page called 'fun things in XX' wehre you ask people to post events that are going on in your area.
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jerk off

So my girlfriend broke up with me Monday out of nowhere. I knew something was off the Friday before, but I didn't know what was coming. She had been watching Gilmore Girls with her mom a lot (her mom never liked her with me) and then Monday she did it. She told me all kinds of things about not being compatible, we want different things, and she sees me only as a friend now. Then she kissed me and told me she loves me- then left. She completely quit talking to me, and I felt some things needed to be said on my part. I messaged her Wednesday telling her how I felt about it...
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>>17579008
Womens are autistic bro, listen some vaporwave and u will be fine in some days
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It just feels like i've been used for the past 2 years
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>>17579008

Oh you're pretty young it seems, OP don't expect much from girls 18-24ish, they're in their "testing the waters phase". She wants to see what's out there and that's cool guy, don't take it personal. She did you and her a favor, don't get too serious until you get some experience under your belt.

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I've been on 4chan for many years now, and not once have I read about someone similar to me. Every time I read about someone who has problems, it is always about things that I can't relate to. I don't understand why anyone would want to do drugs. Even alcohol. It seems that most people who are depressed on here are just going through a breakup or not finding any partner at all, or because they are broke or a NEET.

I've always had trouble keeping up with a conversation, because I usually space out if they speak more than a few sentences continuously....
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I know this is a long post, but I feel very alone. I don't think I can connect to anyone. Even if someone answers, telling me how they are literally me, I don't think I could connect to them. Even my few online friends... I talk to them in a group, but I don't feel I belong there. They are very close to being like me, but the small differences there are, make it feel like I'm an outsider looking in. These situations don't happen that often, but they make me feel very lonely.

There is more to say, but I'll leave it at this. I don't believe...
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Don't know what to say dude, there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

In regards to no drink and drugs and partying, you're basically a square, especially these days. People like us used to have our geeky niches and video games to retreat to but all that has become popular.
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>>17579064
I just wish I had someone, at least one person, to relate to.


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