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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 44. page
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> start dating this girl
> she's great
> has some problems but its nothing that can't be dealt with
> we've been officially dating for like a week
> last night I was over at her apartment and she puts a key on my lap
> its a key to her apartment
> before my mind can process she says "dont freak out its just so you can lock the door on your...
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You are probably overthinking it. She literally told you why she gave the key. She trusts you enough to lock the door and nothing else. She will probably ask for it back later.
>>
>>17823131
what if she doesn't ask for it back later?

should I give it back to her?
>>
>>17823135
Just look what you wrote - you overthinking it.

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So,
When I met my girlfriend she had lost a bunch of weight..
5 years later and she gained a whole lot. A lot more than she had before she started losing weight.
She's my favorite person in the world. But lately it's been turning me off. Sometimes I'll get soft in the middle of sex when I see everything moving. Lights off helps a lot.
I try to start diets with her but she doesn't want to give up pastas and cheese and bread and sweets and she keeps eating like shit.
She's always pressed for time and stressed out and doesn't want to...
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>>17822899

think about what you want. cuz advice isn't going to tellyou what you want. its going to tell you what other people want out of a situation that they aren't in.

we are not dating her. we dont have the good times. or the bad times. we dont know your potential, or lack thereof.

the best you can do is take a few days by yourself, lots of hot showers and think about what the options are, and which one is the most desirable.

I could sit here and tell you that replacing greenbeans with...
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I feel as though I'm with her because I need her.
She helps me move forward and we will always have good times.
It's just rough thinking that one day we'all have kids and go to the beach and I won't be happy looking at her back rolls.
She put underwear over her hanging stomach.
She herself is getting upset with her gains, but when I'm not looking she'll buy candy or cover obscene things with nacho cheese.
I just want her to better herself, ya know?
But I can't be like, "Hey baby, you've gotten really fat."
>>
How fat she is will determine if it's a lost cause.

How fat is she OP? Post pics of her or equivalent of her size.

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How do you make a life with no purpose more tolerable?
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>>17822860

find purpose.
>>
>>17822872
What kind of purpose can you have when you're not smart or passionate and can't have a family?
>>
>>17822881
Passionate is something you become not something you are born with. There is a ton of self-help content tak can help you figure these things out. You can begin here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3vgN_cqrIA

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Are these shit tinder pics / am I ugly? Never tried this before and I can't get one response. I'm 28.
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2
>>
dont bother m8
>>
3

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Tldr; asked friends for advice, not really helpful, no idea what to do with dependent gf.
So recently, I have started an anonymous Twitter to rant, talked to my friends, taken dumb quizzes.
But I am living with my gf of 6ish months and we have known each other for 6ish years. We have very aligned long term goals and such. We moved in with each other fairly recently in a new location to both of us(3 months ago) and things are tough. She finally found a job in new location (weekends currently) and I will likely still be taking care of all the finances for a while. We barely...
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>move in together after 3 months
>you're financially dependent on her
>sex is already dropping in frequency 3 months in

Better find some other sugar momma, because this isn't going to last.
>>
>>17822778
>Figuring out you are a sugar daddy with no benefits.
Neat.
>>
dat page 2, cmon 4chan, rip into me more

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ok /adv/ I don't know if this is the best place for this but I'll try here anyway. Here goes...

I am in love with my really good friend. We met at work and I've known her for 5+ years. We became decent friends over the course of those years and have both dated other people on and off. Now we're both single and we've grown really close over the past few months. We've been talking/texting more, hanging out more, all that kind of stuff. Now I have developed feelings for her. I really care about this girl. A lot.

We still work together...
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>>17822738
Anyway I'm seeing her tonight and I'm thinking of just telling her how I feel. But I don't know. Ugh this shit is driving me insane and I need some /adv/

I hope this is the right place for this kind of thing, /r9k/ seems apt but they're as retarded as I am...
>>
>>17822742

generally i say tell them. becuase romance doesn't fade out, its not the way our evolution is programmed. its not until a man gets a flat rejection that he can find closure.

otherwise it just festers and gets worse and you start acting weird.

but you do work together so there is that.
>>
You know that you can still be friends of she rejects you or evento you might get the chance again in the future.

Just dont act salty

What would you do if you were gonna be homeless in 30 days and you didn't have much money or anyone to stay with?
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>>17822734
I would spend 30 days looking for a place to live

Post more info about your circumstances
Where are you?
Do you have a job?
How much money do you have?
Do you have a car?

This is not /r9k/
>>
>>17822734

id be letting old dudes suck me off for about 100 bucks a pop. i would then use that money (assuming that my current situation couldnt be saved) to find a new living situation.

i would settle for living in a studio with 5 dudes if thats what it took, because im not dumb enough to think that the only two options are 'the american dream' and 'homelessness'.

if mexicans can fit like 30 people in an apartment, i can share a studio until im back on my feet.
>>
>>17822734

Bump for more suggestions. I might be there soon too op.

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I'm barely 18 and I've had BPD for a while now.

It's one of the worst disorders to have and I just can't cope.
The manic episodes are extremely euphoric, but when I get sad I want to kill myself.
BPD is also accompanied with very unstable interpersonal relationships, ranging from idealization to devaluating and I've been going through that a lot.

The worst thing is, there is absolutely no medication for it. 10% of people with BPD will commit suicide, and 70% will at least try to do it.

Some facts about BPD - and me:
>Extreme fear of abandonment
>Molding yourself so others would like you
>Very intense emotions including love/infatuation
>Black-and-white thinking
>Substance abuse (I started smoking regularly at 16)
>Extremely unmotivated about everything, in fact I should be doing work right now
>Unsure about sexuality
>Don't want to get better/content when sad
>No long-term plans

I also have some fetishes so terrifying I'm disgusted by myself after I finish.

I just want to be normal, and everything is extremely exaggerated when you have BPD...
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>>17822610
bpd = bipolar depression ?

yes there are meds for that in USA at least

poke around

nami.org

good luck
>>
bipolar or borderline personality disorder?

I have all the symptoms you described minus the sexuality one. I am 100% pussy mad

We should both probably speak to a general practitioner about this. If you're anything like me then you'll suck at talking about anything to do with mental health in person, so perhaps writing a list similar to what you wrote here would be a good idea.
>>
Well what sucks is even if you see a therapist who can provide the best therapy available for BPD you're only going to get about 4 hours a month total of therapy from them. I don't have BPD but at least for me my therapist only wants me to come back every 1 to 2 weeks even though I have issues just as severe as BPD. Maybe i'm wrong and maybe you can get more frequent therapy than that.

I have a few ideas. First try to figure out if you can learn how to do Cognitive behavioral therapy on yourself or whatever therapy the therapist was trying to use on you....
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I think I think about sex too much

I'm in college, not a virgin but not overly successful with women. I generally don't feel comfortable around them and overthink every interaction. I haven't really been to any parties, talked to many women or just really done much of anything interesting since college started.

All the attractive women around my campus is driving me nuts. It's like it's impossible for to admire a womans attractiveness in a non-sexual way or something. Anyways the sheer ammount all this bugs me can't be healthy, and it REALLY gets to me sometimes. What do i do
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>>17822537
>admire a womans attractiveness in a non-sexual way

Why would you ? It's there to be admired in a sexual way.

>What do i do

Act on it. Expose yourself to girls, talk to them as much as possible, start finding your balls and making moves no matter how autitic you end up being in the process.
>>
>>17822537
Try to watch less porn. Change your hobbies, listen to Queen - Having a Good Time, or do anything that can replace masturbating
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>>17822555
Yeah a whack it a lot.

My life is super high stress.

Gaming has pretty much been my only hobby since I was like 6, what a sad life I live

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>met someone on omegle
>got her number
>she got mine
>we've talked on the phone twice so far.
>so far, it seems like she listens more than she talks about herself.
Do you think I should call her today or let her call me?
How can I make the conversation more about her?
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Chris Hansen incoming
>>
Some people are more shy about talking themselves or are just better listeners. But it could be that she's asking all the questions and you're just answering - make sure you're asking her questions about things too!
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>>17822884
OP here,
I've never dated before. What questions do I ask?

What do you guys think of
>when I look at you all I can think of is
> (heart emoji) the RPG-7 has an effective range of 200 meters (heart emoji)
as a tinder opener? And if not what would be a good opener?
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Autism/10
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>>17822514
Its meant to be a retardedly stupid joke. Got anything better?
>>
You up for sex today

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I have more sex drive than my boyfriend.
I feel like i'm "doomed" to be unsatisfied and undesired.
>25 old girl
>pretty enough
Please someone tell me is not a big deal, because i'm feeling so frustrated now that i have realized it.
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Be more specific here, does he not initiate enough? Or does he outright refuses to fuck sometimes?
>>
>>17822501
Also, have you told him that you want to have more sex and explained the whole situation before asking us?
>>
>>17822499
Show him yourbrainonporn.com
Many men have ED because of porn replacing their desire for real sex. I had this problem with my bf and now he jumps my bones daily. He doesn't watch porn anymore and things are great again.
There are also TEDtalks on YouTube about this. Watch them together.

Half a year ago, my dealer stiffed me out of $20 because I paid in advance and he never returned with the product (yes, I was pretty retarded). I'm not strong enough to subtly threaten him into caring, but I've been lifting for a month and will keep lifting.

How can I get my $20 back? I can ask him again, but I don't think he will give it back. I also have another idea. There is something called Crimestoppers for anonymous tips. Once you leave a tip, they give you a code and after a few months, if it leads to an arrest, they leave money in the bank that...
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Ask him again, if he doesn't deliver then wait one month and send the tip into Crimestoppers
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>>17822428
If I ask him and tip later, do you think he'll know it was me?
>>
>>17822463
You read the "wait one month" part right?

My cousin wants to go to college for gender studies and get a worthless diploma fucking up her life in the process. Her dumb parents support her too. How to change her mind?
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Fuuuck that sucks and that's difficult. Man, I think if you try and do any manipulative shit to try and change her mind then it'll just be transparent so I would just be direct. Look up statistics for potential earning salary, jobs, show them how STEM fields are touted by unis as the fields to study and present them with facts because they can't argue with those.
>>
>>17822414
Her decision. Let her fail and she will learn a lesson.
>>
>>17822423

this unfortunately some people need to fail HARD to see how much they fucked up

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>Girl and I super similar
>Start hitting it off great, she's flirty and talks to me a lot
>Suddenly stops, doesn't want to do stuff with me, doesn't talk to me as much etc.
>"guess she hates me" so I start ignoring her too
>She starts staring at me constantly but doesn't want to approach me
>Never really replies with conversation if I text her
>She...
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Why does that guy in the back have such a big hand?
>>
I immediately drop people who act like that, reading but not replying, acting passively, ghosting, etc. Still remember how my friend's girlfriend asked what headphones she should buy as a gift for him, so I explained everything, meanwhile she NEVER proceeds to read the message. Why the hell people do this? Outrageous as fuck. Sadly I have no advice for you, OP, but for me she does seem to be some kind of attention seeker, wants to be chased. I am not sure, however, wait for more answers.
>>
What a load of drama, just drop that shit why do you need that?

My girlfriend and I moved in together a month ago. Things have been almost perfect - we're great together, we love each other, we have the same interests, we're sexually compatible. The one big difference is that I'm sex-positive and she's... the opposite, philosophically speaking.

She says she's demisexual. I don't know if I believe that's a thing (you can only be attracted to people you have a connection with? Sounds like special snowflake syndrome), but she plays it up HARD, to the point where she gets upset at any model or glamor-shoot...
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Sit down with your girlfriend and ask her to explain, in full, her feelings about it. Then once you've heard her side, ask her to listen to your side. If one of you happens to change the others mind during the course of the conversation and resolve the issue then fantastic. If you don't naturally resolve it then simply say that your glad that you both sat down to talk about it because you care for her and you want to have th best relationship you can with her and leave it there.

Sometimes opening a dialogue when you're both in a good place will stop any...
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>>17822395
>due to a history of abusive relationships
Tell us about these relationships.

Is she Borderline? She sounds borderline.
I have a feeling she is lying to you about every single one of them.

>you can only be attracted to people you have a connection with? Sounds like special snowflake syndrome),
I have no fucking clue what demisexual means but yes anon, this is a real thing. I can appreciate a woman's beauty in a purely aesthetic...
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>>17822413

We've done this twice before. The second time, I cited my sources for why it was natural and normal. Both times we had to "agree to disagree." Early in the relationship I was trying to convert her to my point of view (I wanted us to get a bit more adventurous) but at this point I'm accepting her opinion and giving her space rather than pretending I'm objectively correct.

That changed when she refused to give ME space too. Respect is a two-way street.


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Hello /adv/isors,

Does anyone here have any experience with psychotherapy? How did it go for you?

My life is ok but a bit repetitive and dissatisfying, I would like to get a broader experience from it. I don't feel much desire to do/try new things but I'm a bit bored of the things I'm doing now. I thought maybe psychotherapy could help me. Other recommendations also welcome. I've tried drugs and hookers, the novelty wore off...
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I saw a therapist for anxiety I was dealing with. It helped
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>>17822394
Would you be so kind as to give a modicum more detail? What kind of things did you do or talk about?
>>
>>17822397

So the first session, my therapist just let me talk the whole time and took notes. That way he could figured out what was actually causing me trouble. He didn't make me say anything I didn't want to, and didn't push questions. So that was the first session.

The following sessions he would tell me ways I could counter my problems. He gave me ways to calm down and to relieve anxiety in different situations. Which did help

The thing I liked about it was it wasn't just a bitch fest....
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I'm a 24 year old males whose slept with a fairly high number of girls (about 40). For as many of these girls as possible, I have a private photos app on my phone which contains about 150 pictures of them in various states of appearance, mostly from facebook. I also have a few nudes that these girls have sent me while sleeping with them, or pictures of us engaged in sexual activities.

They are usually doing something sexy from the pictures I take of facebook. Bent over maybe, posing with another girl slightly suggestively, perhaps with their tongue sticking out....
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What going on the internet and lying?
>>
I think it depends on how you acquired the photos. If they sent them to you then they have knowledge of it and they're happy for you to have them which is completely fine. However, if you're saving photos that girls have posted to Facebook then that's pretty creepy as I don't think that the average reasonable person expects other users to save solo photographs of them for their viewing pleasure and discretion.
>>
>>17822322
At a certain age, keeping pictures are pretty lame. There are better internet porn easily accessible.

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I want a gf but I dont want non-virgins.

What do I do?
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Find a virgin gf

/thread
>>
>>17822269
Find a virgin and date her.
>>
>>17822269
That depends are you older than 15? If yes then return to your fantasy world. If not go for girls in the grade below you

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Tldr: is it ok to get an ugly gf just because you desperately want to have one?

So two of my closest friends got a gf a while ago. I was happy for them (since they were virgins just like me) but i can't stop thinking how ugly/fat those girls are. My friends were like always searching for girls (For example when one of them wanted to hit on some girl we faked that we didn't know them because it always ended bad for them and it was pretty embarrassing). So they got a gf now and I still don't but I think that it's not worth it to get an ugly one. I only...
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>>17822173
You can get one for practice and confidence building if you have troubles.
>>
It's better to be single than in a relationship with a person you don't like.
>>
>>17822178
It's not like I have troubles but I feel like I have too high standards. I only ever liked one girl in my life and I know this is bad. Also I don't really care about sex bj and shit like that.

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I burnt my finger taking a potato out of the oven, 425 for 75mins. tldr it split, steam burn through an oven mitt.

Normally I'm not a pussy bitch, but I've run cold water on it for 15min, and submerged in cool for over an hour now. Hurts like fuck, more than any other "touched hot pan" burn. No blister but very red.

No aloe atm, and I am west coast small town, so probably not for another few hours. I do have an emergency surplus of vicodin, but that seems excessive for this. Still, can't remove finger from the water without bad pain.

Wat do.
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Well whatever you do it's going to hurt. Burns are nasty. I'd try applying some ointment or disinfectant, which will hurt more but it'll help in the long run.
>>
The fact it hurts is a good thing. Probably only 1st degree to minor 2nd degree burn.

Somewhat recently I burned my finger on a soldering iron at 700 degrees. For the most part it didn't hurt. I'm still ok though, just a small scar.

If your concerned, of course, to the doctor. A pic of the hand would be useful
>>
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>>17822094
not much to look at. doesnt look bad.

still the pain is beyond any wood stove/hot pan contact burn I've had. the pain even "radiates" to other fingers when not in cool water

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Earlier this year I made a commitment to try and improve my life all around. But mainly my social life is what I was trying to improve. I wanted to have more friends and primarily a girlfriend or at least the ability to have dates.

I accomplished most of my goals.

I got into shape. 14% body fat. Exercise around 5 times a week.

After being told to "put myself out there" I finally started going into pubs/cafes/restaurant bars other social settings by myself. And while that doesn't seem big to most, it was huge to me. I had huge anxiety over...
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>>17822084
>going into pubs/cafes/restaurant bars
That's not the place to make friends, nor is it really a place for anything with girls except hookups.
You need to do something else, something that relates to your interests or hobbies, to find likeminded people to befriend.
>>
>>17822098
that's what was recommended to me in a previous thread.

those are essentially the only social places to go to.
>>
>>17822084
Try places other than bars to meet people. There are tons of ways to mingle with strangers. Go for events or museums and other places where you can find new people.

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Some facts about me
>25/M
>Recently graduated my MSc and now looking for a starting job
>Work parttime 3/4 evenings a week at restaurant in between jobs
>Have 18,000e in savings

Is this a lot? Should I keep saving? Invest? Travel even more?

It's not like I don't do stuff with it. I already spent time on a lot of travels, make music, and generally make my life better with the money I have. I just don't know whether I...
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Bumpu
>>
travel is pretty good, that's the main thing you'll lose out on once you get a good full time job
>>
Well it depends what country you live in and what you think you're going to be earning.

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I live rurally but I'm going to a big city for Christmas to be with family. I want to try meet people while there because I don't have much of a social life where I live. What are the best ways to meet people and create friendship seeds during Christmas in a city?
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The same way you make normal friendships. Get people's phone numbers and then plan outings after everyone is back on their feet financially.
>>
>>17822182
But where to meet those people?
>>
>>17821861
If all you want to do is get laid, hang around bars and infiltrate office parties.

If you want to make potential friends, volunteer at feed-the-homeless places. The other volunteers are pretty cool people.

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Hey /adv/
I've managed to forget the passcode to my lock whilst it remains open.
How do I fix my predicament? I would like to lock my suitcases, thanks.
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That kind of lock? You can change their combinations but the only way to do that requires you entering the combination first (with it open and pulled taught) and then entering another combination. So there's no real way to change it right now. You're going to have to go through the numbers one by one until you find the match and pick a more memorable number from now on.
>>
>3 digits
brute force it
>>
>>17821802
666

Anyone else here trying to cope with that fact that simply being you, yourself, or within your own body and mind, is your own personal hell?

How do you do it? Just being who I am has been a constant drain on my soul since middle school. For almost twenty years now.
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>>17821779
same here, anon
I get a constant feeling, that this body and even personality are not mine at all
Don't know how to cope with it though, seems like I can't do anything about it
>>
Stop stop stop stop !!
No fuck.i dont want this.
Captcha: nooses
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>>17821779
every minute of every day man, but I learnt this
we are told our whole lives to reach for the stars, but some of us just have a hard enough time being ourselves, so have a drink at your desk, fall asleep watching tv because there are more worrying things to be consider about. Also remember no one can hate you like you hate and if they do, fuck em.

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Around two months ago my mom passed away. In the meantime, my dad's been dating/sleeping around. For the past week, there's been a woman sleeping in the spot my mom slept in. I feel this is very disrespectful to the memory of my mom. Am I being childish?
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>>17821387

Perhaps you should try talking this with him?
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I don't think it's childish. Assuming your still going through the stages of grief then this might be a little soon for you to be able to take this in. Same thing with my parents getting divorced. After they split it was hard to get use to my mom going through new boyfriends.
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>>17821391
He just says "I know"

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I just moved to Colorado and im havig no luck with findig anyone. Ive had POF Tinder and OkCupid for as long as ive been here. Any advice?

Pic is me
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Get a new hair cut for starters
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>>17821342
you look like 15 years old
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>>17821400
Most likely the hair.

Op try and get some facial hair growing. If it looks worse than before, just shave it.

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I was finishing up last night at my new work, and out till was out $50

a round $50 missing from the till is basically a theft
we know it wasn't the float because the safe balanced
or the eftpos because it keeps it's own records
so $50 in hard cash was removed from the register

it could have been dropped on the ground or something, but we didn't find it
it could have been given to a customer accidentally, but that is hardly plausble
it could be the cash is right after all, and the issue was an extra $50 being charged on the system...
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just tell your boss you didn't steal and for them to check the cameras.
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The dude that has been there 8 years probably did it and is trying to blame it on you unless something crazy happened.

I hope there were cameras involved. How hard did you actually search him? He could have had the $50 in his pocket the whole time.
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Just give them $50

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Have any of you anons had experience in dealing with doctors who are unwilling to listen? I have been struggling on and off for 3 years with symptoms that have been making my life miserable at times but all the doctors I have seen either say they don't know what might be going on or they tell me that I must be anxious.

My current primary care doc referred me to a cardiologist and the cardiologist did not even give me the chance to explain my symptoms completely and read whatever my primary care doctor wrote and told me that I am anxious and I must be healthy because...
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>>17821159
depends on the symptoms

if you just have a list of neurotic i'm nervous stuff then well maybe you are just anxious & should try those mood pills

get a full physicall especially TSH blood test if thyroid problem can cause all kinds of weird symptoms

go to private labs & pay for your own medical tests - don't need insurance

plenty of online blood testing companies etc

see a psychiatrist or psychologist & get their diagnosis, not a "therapist"

good luck
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>>17821159

The problem with a layperson describing the actions of a doctor, is that the actions of a doctor are not intuitive and obvious, and what is apparent to a doctor is not necessarily apparent to a layperson.

It's why you telling me what your doctor did or didn't do doesn't have the effect you might hope it would. I have no way of knowing whether your doctors are incompetent, or you are oblivious to their methods. I don't know you and so my instinct is to trust the doctors, but perhaps...
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>>17821708
saving a screenshot of this. Not OP but I know the dilemma you're talking about and this is the best I've ever seen it articulated


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