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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 590. page
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Hello,

I'm a 23 year old guy, I have my own place, plenty of money, but since I moved to a new city, I have no friends. So I wanted to ask has anyone had experience going to clubs alone? Is this a good way to meet people?

I live in Europe and mostly listen to electronic music so that's the kind of places i'll be visiting.

Tips? Experiences?
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I moved to a city when I was 21. I used to go out to drink and latch onto groups of people. I was a lot more aggressively outspoken, over confident and irritating when I was young and I think I needed to be for this to work.

I found that students were best because they've moved to a new area and were already looking to meet new people and indulge in new experiences, though you've got to put up with listening to the same conversations about babies first super theories of everything and most of them move away eventually.

I'd say that all these years...
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>>17440554

I'm good at getting people to hang out with me after we've already met, it's just that I've pretty much never been in a situation where I'm meeting people alone, it's always either friends of friends, merging with other groups on a night out, etc.

Here I'm in a town I don't know with people that I don't know, it's just very strange and somewhat intimidating.
>>
>>17440628
Well I used to smoke which helped because you can usually talk in a smoking area and plenty of people aren't put off by someone striking up a conversation.

I used to just ask people how their night was going make some small talk and introduce myself, ask them if anything is going on later and just move on pleasantly enough.

Eventually you run into people again and ask them again how it is going and especially if people are drunk sometimes they'll latch onto you and introduce you to their...
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so this asian girl starts up a flirty conversation with me and i run with it to see where it goes. we exchange numbers and met up for drinks. she seems like shes trying to hide her nervousness or maybe we just have no connection. anyways i asked her why she talked to me and she said i could be her chance so im assuming shes isolated and needs someone to encourage her so i stick with it.

we organise to meet for lunch today and everything seems fine but she doesnt reply to text and lunch slips by. an hour later i say "it hurts more to ghost someone. youll see when...
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shit test not text
>>
>My Whole Outlook On Life Is Based On 4Chan: The Post
>>
>>17440493
ok wally

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How do you bring yourself to complete a task you're nervous about? What makes you "take the plunge?"

Mine's about a girl that I kinda awkwardly stopped talking to as we got closer because of multiple reasons, but don't let it limit you to social matters.

I'm more interested in your advice on not procrastinating, taking dangerous plunges, not playing it safe etc.

I've heard just about every schpiel out there, the only one that ever kinda helped me was "you miss every shot you don't take."

Pic unrelated...
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I think it helps to understand what stress really is. It's our built-in fight or flight system. Nothing more, nothing less.

I deal with some anxiety and stress too, but at the end of the day, if I don't have a lion or tiger staring me down and ready to go for my jugular, I ignore the stress. It helps to focus on positive outcomes, and not the negative shit.

I hate standing up in labs giving instruction to students on campus (and I have been doing it since my freshmen year) but it has always been so rewarding. Literally every holiday I have other students...
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everybody has different strategies I guess

one simple way is to just approach things that make you nervous in an entirely logical way
because most of these kinds of fears are inherently illogical and any fear that is based in sound logic is probably one you should be heeding anyway

so lets say you're afraid to tell a girl how you really feel
well just think this girl might seem like the whole world to you right now but the reality is she's merely one human being out of 7 billion
so what are the chances that this one girl is so special as to be...
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>>17440457
Your example was pretty spot on, just being from a small town it seems scarier because I've never really met a girl like her and i have kinda low self esteem, so after our first date she gave me 2 or 3 "busy" excuses and I instantly figured she thought I was a loser.

I was too scared to ask her how she really felt and now it's eating me up, but you bring up a good point. I'll be moving from here soon so it's not like I'll be around her forever, I'd at least like to get...
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Hello everyone, hope you're doing ok. Several weeks ago I came across some test about OCD, there was this question if I get taboo sexual thoughts, yeah, I get some crazy thoughts sometimes and it doesn't even have to be sexual, thoughts like what if jumped under a train and stuff like that, but it wasn't even bothering me and I thought it was normal, but this test said that I'm suffering from OCD, so I freaked out and started researching and found that there was this thing called intrusive thoughts and it's normal to get them from time to time and if they're not bothering you. So I was fine. But the thing is, the stuff that I read about intrusive thoughts stuck in my head, like some guy who said that he had a friend who was afraid that he might abuse a child. And now this thing thing keeps popping up in my head, especially when I see kids, I don't necessarily get particular thoughts, it's more like this theme about abuse and I don't really like having this and especially the idea that it'll keep showing up in the future. I wasn't really comfortable discussing this thing with a therapist so we just talked about OCD and he said that I don't have it. Now I'm afraid that I damaged my psyche because of reading about this thing. Or maybe I'm fine and I'm just overreacting? I should probably get busy again, I was depressed for a while now and I didn't do anything for more than a month, just lying and watching tv or browsing reddit, reading about mental issues and how to get out of depression, I didn't do anything towards my goals, didn't do hobbies, didn't look for a job, I don't feel like the person I once was, I'd really love to hear some encouragement, I don't want to hear about mental illnesses or therapists anymore, just some comfort and reassurance. I was was so happy before July and then all of a sudden I became so sad, started reading about mental issues and became so confused and even more depressed. I'm really sorry for rambling.
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Try another therapist. And ideally another more. If you get the same outcome, chances are you don't have anything.

This kind of things can come and go. I'd suggest a blood test (if you can afford) to see if you're hormonally right and nothing's fucking you up.

As for OCD, I do not know. The spectrum is INMENSE, and most people have one of the traits but by a small amount. So don't beat yourself up too much.

If you do get a positive OCD by one of those therapists, then you got treatment or drugs for it. No matter the outcome, you...
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It is all in your head m8, whatever you beleive you perceive, fear is a concept you create in your mind, it is not real.
>>
even though you're reddit scum i feel for you

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Help.

I noticed my butt started hurting a couple days ago after I wiped with toilet paper and it's been persisting ever since. I notice a small pea sized lump on my anus. I'm going to go see a doctor but what could it possibly be? Tumor is the immediate thought that comes to my mind but I'm only 20 and I live an active and healthy life.

Pls help
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>what is a prolapsed anus
just push it back in. jesus.
>>
Haemorrhoids. Easy. You should get some cream from your doc or something
>>
Just clinkers.

he will give you hemorrhroid cream

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Chili pepper juice got on my dick and I'm on fucking fire help
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>>17440239
Dip it in milk, or use lotion.
>>
>>17440239
But how?
>>
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>>17440243
Good man
>>17440258
>Feast on chili peppers
>Forget to wash hands

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How does one get enough self-confidence to approach new people at uni, how's it done?
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everything you do needs to be in support of yourself; even your thoughts. if your stuck in a mental loop thinking this and that and shoulda done this and god im so stupid STOP that is the reason you have no game
>>
Have sex
>>
by doing it anyway.

i know in your twisted little 'MUH CONDITIONS' world you must find that to not make sense.

but you're wrong.

you can read about all the techniques you want but until you take that pencil to paper, you have no idea what drawing is actually like. social interaction is just like anything, you gotta do it to learn it.

the reason you HAVE CONFIDENCE in yourself to talk to strangers is becaue you
>talked to strangers
>saw that literally nothing bad can happen...
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i hate everything about it. just surfing their websites looking for my next alma mater makes me literally suicidal.

HOWEVER, since i have autoimmune disease and therefore 0 (zero) physical stamina, i have to get some sort of education. NEETbux won't cover the bills. i'm also, reportedly, fairly bright, which should be a plus but in minimum wage type jobs i tend to zone out too much which in turn effects my work performance, which, coupled with my health problems renders me virtually unemployable. it doesn't help that my coworkers find me weird AF.

is...
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>>17440114
>is there work for self-taught programmers?
Not really, unless you have experience to show that you know what you're doing
>>
>>17440119
isn't this why people do open source projects?
>>
>>17440246
Somewhat, but that involves knowing the right people

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Not sure if I want advice or just venting this shit. Sorry english ain't my first language.

>Met girl on tinder like a month ago
>She's on my state only for a few weeks.
>She broke up with her ex b4 arriving here.
>Whatevs
>She's pretty amazing, we get along really well, love, butterflies and all that shit.
>Red flag 1, she parties more than me (Ok I'm not that...
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c'mon at least tell me I'm an idiot or something

Or should I take this to /b/?
>>
Why are you obsessing over a woman you met on tinder and barely know?

Yes one month is barely enough time to know anyone.

Unless you love this kind of stuff, all this stupid drama all just for one confused girl is not worth it.
>>
>>17440096
Jumping into anything with a girl that just got dumped/out of a relationship is the stupidest thing you can do. You will be used to make them feel better for a short period of time as they pine for their ex, then after she's done with you move onto the next victim.

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Hey /adv/icates.
I decided to drink wine, started watching a sommelier documentary, and began to think about this girl I knew who wanted to become a sommelier. I remembered that her birthday was in August, but couldn't remember what day. So, instead of going with my gut and just asking her, I checked her Facebook and it turns out that it's today.

Should I wish her a happy birthday, straight up, or go through the dishonest "wat day is ur birthday? Omg today? No waaiii!" bullshit?

She's dating someone, so it doesn't really matter...
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plz help
I'm to autistic to figure this out.
>>
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ROOOOO HELP
I'm austic and intoxicated.
>>
There's no reason to think this much about it, m8. If you do, you'll just be another notification on her Facebook. If you don't, nothing will change.

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Little background:

>work with this dark skinned qt3.14
>be very well-respected and well liked at work, she's only been there a couple months
>95% sure she liked me right off the bat
>talk to her a little, flirt eventually, she's into it but I'm very shy and so is she
>the time came to ask her out a couple weeks ago, can't bring myself to do it, even though I feel extremely confident about it

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>>17440010
First off that shit is mental, it's only true if you believe it and limit yourself.

Second off you're literally fetishistic about her skin color, chances are you're a scrawny white guy which isn't wrong but keep in mind.
a) women are very judgemental, if she's got bitches as friends (not real women, bitches) they gonna pick on her for having a scrawny white guy as a bf, which in short will end up in her feeling bad for being with you, which ends up in cheating or a break up.

Third,...
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Just dont treat it like its a big deal. Relax dude, you know she likes you so whats stoping you? Dont waste your time dude. If you dont ask her out someone else is gonna do it and you will end up feeling like shit.
>>
>>17440010
Literally just ask. Don't beat around the bush - something along the lines of "I think we could be more than friends" works fine.

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what do i do about a mom that doesn't like me
my girlfriends mom is overbearing, over controlling and is interferring with out relationship. what do i do. I do SO MUCH for her daughter but i do ONE thing that she does not like with her and she raises hell and overreacts..
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>>17439895
fuck her mom into submission
>>
>>17439895
The mother is scared you're going to turn her little girl into something nasty. Prove to her that you won't. Best way to do this? Love your gf to the moon and back. Unconditionally. And most of all? Be happy and be responsible.
>>
>>17440089
>love your girlfriend
>be happy and responsible

whatta fag

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Ok so there is this girl that used to hang out with me and my friends. Then after her bf broke up with her she started treating me difrently, like she started flirting a lot with me saying things like: "Anon you are so cute!" and " Its so cold here, Anon can you warm me up?",etc. So one of my friends told me to make a move on her at a party bc she was going to be at that party. All this was happening 2 weeks before this party. Fastfoward one week and she starts treating me difrently and saying some weird stuff to her friends like:" Me and anon are frinds...
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>>17439884
you should tell her

"If you're not sucking my dick, I'm going home to play FIFA"
>>
make a move, if she isn't receptive then cut it off. You need to do that so you know she isnt just using you for attention
>>
>>17439884
hahahah dagnit man

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What should I go to school for to make around or atleast 35-40k a year after taxes that is an easy job that doesnt really require you to be really smart or creative and that has reasonable job security? Is this a thing? Cuz im struggling right now, preferably with only an associates
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>>17439812
Government. Check your state website (or whatever).
>>
>>17440911
Alright, ill take a look

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What happens if i fall in love with the prostitute?
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>>17439648
Realistically, you wind up sad and disappointed. Or she falls in love with you too and you live happily ever after.
>Except only the first one is even remotely possible.
>>
>>17439648
You become this mexican guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNnRSU-HM20
>>
>>17439648
you lose

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https://www.speakpipe.com/voice-recorder
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>>17439617
https://www.speakpipe.com/voice-recorder/msg/gka1zlvis6ayuwxv
>>
>>17439617

What kind of help, exactly?
>>
what the fuck desu senpai

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How do I get my parents financially independent? For the past 8 years I've started financially supporting my family because dad got laid off. My dad never got a new job and started staying at home all the time, occasionally making the meals and doing menial chores. Now my mom has quit her job making me sole breadmaker.

I turn 27 this year and they're in their late 50s, isn't it a bit too early for them to consider retiring without any money in the bank? I don't want to abandon my parents but right now they have no goal to move out of this financial...
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>>17439580

>How do I get my parents financially independent?

You don't.

>I turn 27 this year and they're in their late 50s, isn't it a bit too early for them to consider retiring without any money in the bank?

Yes. This goes without saying.

>Do I just keep supporting them like this forever?

Should you? No. Will you? Kind of sounds like it.

I'm 30, and my family members...
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They had you for a reason it seems
>>
Find a way to tell them you are going to cut some money from them since you want to do some shit by yourself (a project or whatever you have in mind).

It's like You will support them but not in a 100% way like before. Maybe half, and they have to figure out how to earn the other 50% of their budget.

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What are some of the best things to remember when you're having a hard time finding a relationship or letting the girl know how much you desire her?
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>>17439464
Someone else probably came inside her and on her face

Cheers love
>>
>>17439464
If youre looking for a keeper. Be nice and genuine. Not an ahole.
>>
>>17439464
>What are some of the best things to remember
Pining hurts way worse than rejection does.

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So my family was paying for my school but some financial problems came up and I'm on my own for the last semester (math major, 2.5 gpa, no extra skills aside from tutoring experience).

I have one semester of college left and I want to pay it out of pocket.

I'm pretty smart and hard working, and worst case scenario I'll wait tables for the next 6 months to do it. But I'd really rather do something more technical and less shitty.

What jobs can I do / look for?
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halp
>>
You're a student with admittedly no skills. Shitty, non technical jobs are your bread and butter
>>
If you have no skills or experience, you'll be lucky to be able to get a job waiting tables.

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Hi /fit/, JuiceFag checking in. I'm on day 14 of no solid food and I'm down 15 pounds. Slower progress than expected, but I've been drinking a lot of beer I admit. Ask me anything.
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>>17439255
Why don't you juice yourself you fucking faggot
>>
You're not supposed to lose weight at that rate, dipshit, you're not consuming any of the fat from your body.
>>
Sorry /adv/, I meant to post this on /fit/.

I am having to take a grey hound from Wilmington (southeastern) NC to Nacogdoches, Texas. The final destination is San Augustine, and this is looking like hell.I have no choice but to bring important documents and my wallet. Problem is I willl be stopping in Atlanta at midnight (among other stops). Advice? An hero?
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It's just a bus ride.
Get a few books and sleep the other half of the way there.
Americans always act like busrides are lethal
>>
Greyhound? And in Atlanta at midnight?

Just keep your shit close.

But get stuff for entertainment. Torrent movies to your laptop or whatever the fuck, you need to keep your mind occupied. Get those mini power bricks.
>>
Greyhound employee here. Stop being a pussy :^)

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One of my friends birthday is coming up and I don't know shit about skating.
I want to know that the best board, bearings, nuts, bolts, bearings, trucks and everything so I can make her a perfect board
Anyone know how to make it?
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ignore the fact that I said bearings twice
>>
>>17438856
Go ahead and buy a nice blank deck, grab some paint and draw her the bottom part.
>>
>>17438856
>>17438858

>>>/asp/ might know. If she is a noob, I really wouldn't bother going custom.

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Heres the situation.

>Match with girl on tinder
>Talk for like 2 weeks
>Decide to meet up
>Grab a cup of coffee and just talk
>Was a good date
>She says she would like to meet again
>She always writes enthusiastically
>She starts having to work alot and is stressed out
>She barely responds...
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>2 months
>desperate

Holy shit, just do it. Ask playfully if she remembers you, say how you had a good time with her and wonder how she's doing these days, would she like to meet up for coffee again.
>>
ask her if she wants to hang out tell her you won the lottery and you want to take her for a ride in your lambo that way it doesnt sound desperate just sounds funny
>>
>>17438829
>She starts having to work alot and is stressed out
>She barely responds anymore

Your answer lies here.

She went out for coffee with you, found out you weren't what she was looking for.

She let you down easy. "Let's meet up again" is the polite thing to say. Just keep trying with other people man. Coffee is an okay first date, but so is going to the park, doing happy hour...Recommend a hangout with friends for date 2.

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About to be a senior in college, how can I maximize this year and get laid as much as possible? I can be pretty introverted when it comes to finding new people that I really click with.
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>>17438789
I'm freshman, I wanna know too ;)
>>
>>17438789
sex is disgusting and women are evil
>>
>>17438789
Look for freshmen and generally people younger than you.

Since your a senior, you'll look like you know better and more wise, so they'll assume you get all the bitches and they want to get in on that.

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after about a month of self experimentation I have discovered that the longer I go without fapping, the more depressive episodes I get. why is this? why do I need to masturbate to keep my mood in check?
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Serotonin. Your brain releases it when you masturbate.
>>
and dopamine the feel good hormone
>>
>>17438708
Masturbation helps you to relax, it's also healthy for your prostate. It helps get rid of sexual tension and I don't have to talk to girls

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Hey /adv/,
Graduate student here. After years of hard work and strife I've finally finished all the exams and requirements for my M.Sc. degree... nearly.
I had one last exam in a tiny simple subject last week, but I just couldn't study. After so many years I just felt like I couldn't do it anymore. Didn't even show up for the exam.
They were kind enough to allow me another shot at it, which is in two days. I couldn't study again and am actually getting really nervous. I have to get myself to sit down and study for the next 36 hours or so until...
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serious response... adderall
>>
>>17438711
This may be a good idea, but I don't think I can obtain it in time.
>>
>>17438711
This.

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How do I cope with failing to achieve my childhood dreams to be a musician/artist/free spirit while ruining my hip flexors wasting away at a meaningless desk job?
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by realizing that millions of people have the same problem
>>
follow your dreams as a hobby. just because your not paid doesent mean you cant do it
as for the free spirit part, that was just young you being a retard
>>
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>>17438626

1. See image.
2. Practice after work.

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Need some real help here, /adv/

So I'm 26 and live away from home. I was back this weekend and had to find something on my family laptop. Couldn't find it. Found an external hard drive and plugged it in to see if I could find it. Long story short, found pictures of my dad having sex with a number of different prostitutes. All from Sept / Oct last year.

Going back home tomorrow so no time to do anything now. Obviously this is beyond shit and my Dad is everything I would hate to grow up to become.

I have a few options but idk which to do -

1...
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Bamp
>>
I dont know why you are so upset. Is he hurting you or anyone else in your family physically. People have shit to worry about move on with your life and just forget about it. Don't make it a bigger deal than it is forget it you will solve nothing by telling anyone you will do nothing but destroy lives
>>
forget about it. Dont make it a bigger deal than it is. Move on with your life no one is getting hurt. it will solve nothing if you tell anyone. You will do nothing except destroy lives. Forget about and pretend nothing happened

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So I'm coming out on the opposite side of almost 2 years of depression and drinking problems.

After heavily limiting my alcohol intake, I've found that a lot of the people I used to hang out with and just get totally fucked up with have since stopped hanging around me.

It's a little sad, but I've set a principle for myself so I figure I have no choice but to move on.

I guess my problem is that now I don't really know how to make friends my age (24) that don't just get hammered all the time.

I have hobbies like RPGs...
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>>
First of all good for you for turning it around. I did the same around a year ago and I'm in the same boat as you.

It's so obvious that it sounds stupid, but if you can get involved in a social activity that involves your interests, you'll meet people there.

I play guitar and have friends in bands, so sometimes I go and jam with them and meet new people. If you belong to a gym you might have a chance there too. You could take a class or something, idk.

Good luck.
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>>17438567
Thanks brah, good luck to you as well.

I guess I need to expand my horizons or something.

My problem is that as soon as I start getting close to someone, it comes down to "let's get drinks", which is a big problem.

Even the social bike ride in my city ends with everyone hanging out and getting drunk at the the end. It's a conundrum to say the least.
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>>17438579
Yeah I get that, but if it's a one on one thing you can usually just tell them you don't drink and if they're not a dick they'll understand and be cool with it.

Also if you're interested in the bike ride I wouldn't discount the entire thing just cause it ends with people meeting for drinks. You can still hang out at bars if you have the self control to just drink water or whatever. And maybe be prepared to take a little shit.

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Which one should I date.
The on that lives really far from me but she is a nice person, virgin, cute, smart and all that stuff.
Or the girl that lives close to me but she is annoying, a hoe, good looking but also dumb
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>>17438458

neither. if shes 'really far' as in you would never be able to see her more than once a week, then she snot worth dating.

the other girl is not worth dating at all
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>virgin

If that actually matters to you, it's because you're an insecure bitter virgin yourself. It sounds like you actually wouldn't have a chance with either of those girls.
>>
both duh


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