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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 621. page
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So my girlfriend told me she was interested in trying anal sex for the first time ever. Although I am more into vaginal and oral sex, I am curious to find out how it feels and I really just wish to fulfill her desires.

We were about to do it a few days ago and we even went as far as lubing up her anus, however my not-so-hard dick and her fear of shitting herself stopped us from doing this.

Anyway, do any of you people have any good tips for first time anal sex? I certainly wish to make the first time as smooth and comfortable as possible for us both.
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>>17428339
If she wants to be sure that not hot chocolate will come out, she should have an enema.

aside from that remember to be gentle
>>
Do it in the shower. Trust me. It feels so much better
>>
Use lube. Take it slow, it's gonna be painful for her at first, so when you enter, enter slowly and wait for her to relax around you. My wife and I enjoy it but it takes her a good five minutes before her body can relax around me. Otherwise you risk a bunch of microtears and what not.
Also, enemas should take care of shit dick if you're that worried.

Also, never go from ass to pussy. Reverse order is fine.

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I like holding loaded guns to my head because of the excitement it makes me feel.
Please help me stop this before I hurt myself.
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just get to the point and kill yourself

but in reality you should probably go get professional help if you really cannot stop doing it rather than consulting a Punjabi Snakecharming board
>>
Just kys instead of trying to be edgy on a pajeet carpenter themed board
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>>17428325
Bro how hard could it be? Just DON'T. And don't even touch a gun, you're not the right guy for it

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my gf is away for the weekend visiting her parents. My friends are all off traveling on holidays

there's an African dude right selling weed a 3 minute walk away from my house.

Should I stop being a pussy and buy some?
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>>17428318
if you wanna smoke weed, sure.
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>>17428355
just worried about the possibility that it is tainted
>>
>>17428374
The only tainted thing will be your dignity

Im suicidal, any tips?
9 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
>>
Dont do it.
We might need some more information to help you though...
Are you depressed or has something recently happend?
>>
Empty your bowels and piss before you kill yourself. That way when people find you,you won't be in a puddle of piss and shit.
>>
>>17428224
Im sick. Its irrational behaviour but my personal life has had a part to play in it. Such as, terrible break up with my first love, turning 18 and having parents shoving problem after problem down my throat calling me a failure ect ect.

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I am the Prophet of the modern world. Ask me anything.
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How do you know that?
>>
>>17428188
do I major in physics, math. or computer science
>>
You're the real slim shady m8

My mom wants to travel to Spain, and wants me to join her. The problem is–and I'll sound horrible for saying this–I can't fucking stand being alone with my mother. She's the biggest fucking narcissist. She only ever talks about herself, dominates the conversation, and will repeat the same 10 shallow stories that all revolve around her. She'll lose track of where she was going with the story and veer off with meaningless details, and she will NOT let you speak when she's in the middle of a story. She doesn't care about anyone else's input...
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My ex-gf was from Spain.
She was fucking insane.
That should be enough reason for her.
If it's not, tell her that Spaniards think that microwaves will instantly give you super death cancer if you put anything in them other than frozen, re-heatable food. That's fucking weird. Tell her you can't deal with that kind of culture.
>>
>>17428161
Get hit by a car. It'll be painful for a couple hours, but it's better than 4 weeks of torture.
>>
>>17428178
> Spaniards think that microwaves will instantly give you super death cancer if you put anything in them other than frozen, re-heatable food.
Kek my mom believes this too.
>>17428181
Good idea anon-kun. Might as well save myself the trouble and just jump off a bridge at this point.

don't know if this is allowed but

DEPRESSION THREAD

How are you:

>coping
>dealing with loss
>living day by day
>practicing self-care
>avoiding your issues
>looking for jobs/paid work
>seeking medical care
>dealing with anxiety and panic attacks

come in, tell your story

some links...
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>>17428117
>coping
I'm not
>dealing with loss
I'm not
>living day by day
Haning by a thread
>practicing self-care
Bare minimum
>avoiding your issues
By sleeping all day
>looking for jobs/paid work
NEET
>seeking medical care
Never
>dealing with...
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>>17428177

this concerns me because I never consented to being cloned

tell me your story anon and I'll tell you mine
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>>17428193
It's not an interesting one. Social outcast from day one, friendless and socially inept to this day. Endured abuse for years. Parents coddle me, I'm in my mid 20's but they insist on treating me like a child. Impossible to get a job in the rural shithole I call home. Absolutely no way out of here without money. I have the choice of continuing to live like this, or becoming homeless and eventually killing myself.

Every day I wonder why I'm still alive, every night I hope I die in my sleep....
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>lost my job today
>coming down off of a meth binge
>have zero attachments to this place, not even a lease.
>shitty car that gets me to and from places
>5 k in savings
I dont even know what to do /adv/
I was making really good money with my job, but I have a very small skillset and very little tangible experience. Im 24 with no college, the future looks fucking grim. I dont want to deal with this anymore.
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>>17428094

>Have done meth twice.
>First time I was too scared to smoke it so I shotgunned it with this grill I knew; then fucked for hours.
>Second time I got a baggie, put it in four thick ass lines and then railed it with a girl I met in college; we fucked for days.
>It was too much and too fast.
>Coming down was fucking brutal.

Couldn't walk straight,...
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>>17428116
It was one of those do everything jobs. Technically I was a rigger in the oilfield for cranes, but I did mechanic work too. Before that I was a telecommunications engineer, and before that a security guard. Im pretty good with networking, computers, and mechanics. I did find a place to stay though. My deal was a month to month thing so no landlord involved.
I just dont know how Im going to get a job for the next month. Everywhere out here drug tests. I had an anxiety attack and burst a blood vessel in my chest...
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>>17428180
>Everywhere out here drug tests.

Are you sure? because I had a drug test for a job once after recent use of weed/cocaine and they told me the test was clear and I got the job. I assume it was just a bluff to scare the druggies away.

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So basically all of the threads I've seen on here today are from STD ridden whores asking for sexual advice or validation, and it's quite discouraging. Not nearly discouraging, however, as the sheer amount of women in life that want nothing more than sex from me.

Where do I find traditional women with low partner count who want serious relationships.... aside from a church?

The media has totally lied to me and flipped the issue to make it seem that men completely lack interest in relationships. The shoe is entirely on the other foot.
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>wants a sweetheart from the ground up

it didn't work for chris chan and it's not gonna work for you. If you're already judging your potential partner based on their past sexual history there's no way you're going to be open minded enough or understanding enough to make a relationship work

consider the possibility that it's not that these women aren't looking for relationships

consider they are not looking for a relationship with a stuck up judgemental prudish man like you

/thread
>>
>wants a girl with a certain set of morals
>doesn't want to go where the most women with those morals would be

You a silly, OP
>>
>women in life that want nothing more than sex from me.
Uhm, like most men?

>Where do I find traditional women with low partner count who want serious relationships.... aside from a church?
You don't. Women have sex drives, and as long as most men would rather pump and dump them and avoid commitment than having a relationship with them, their only outlet is a high partner count. After a few heartbreaks, becoming a slut is more appealing than getting more of that shit.

>The...
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Can't stop masturbating. How did you manage to stop masturbating or at least not consume hentai or porn? The thing is, I don't try to avoid the occasion to masturbate. I purposefully look at things that make me horny so I can resist them, but I just failed with pic related. I was very proud of myself whenever I looked at hot girls and got a massive erection, but suppressed it every time.
13 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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why do you think masturbation is a problem?
>>
~that's~ what set you off?
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>>17428066
Beats me. I tried stopping and got a much stronger urge than normal after just one day and then I kept going until I was empty.

If you figure it out, let me know. I think my dick needs time to recover from the constant beatings.

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How to become the funniest person ever? Well, at least reasonably funny.
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>>17428024
Have a shit life and use humor as a facade.
>>
>>17428056
Tru dat
>>
look for the humor in everything. throw in some piggy talk and a nice smile, everyone will think you're the shit. dont overdo the piggy talk tho it grosses some people out (not really but prissy preppy people like to go EW because theyre good christians who do nothing bad.)

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>Me. A slightly shy guy in my twenties.
>After a few years of serious sport and fitness I'm fitter than ever.
>Today I've been in a random public place.
>There was a customer facing worker. A girl around my age, cute eyes, tanned.
>She gave me a charming look and smile. I answered with another smile.
>This lasted for 5-6 seconds.
>After this I saw...
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>>17427970

it seems to me you're asking out girls who have boyfriends. but its only one example. so its hard to say.
>>
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>>17427989
Oh, dear...
>>
>What I'm doing wrong?

Not asking enough girls out? A pretty large percentage of people in their 20s are in relationships, so you'd have to get pretty lucky to find a single one on your first try.

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Please help me get over a crush.
I've had feelings for her for a while, we went together for a coffee a couple of times at the start of the year, chatted a bit but I noticed that she was usually pretty formal with me and spoke like she didn't see me as a man, and never initiated contact either. So I put two and two together, realized it wasn't gonna happen and stepped back.
Now last month I found out that she and one of my mates started dating, with her asking him out, and everything came rushing back, I felt really upset about the situation for a while...
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I can relate anon. I was infatuated with a girl who really wasn't right for me and I was conscious of it. Even then, I felt like the only way to kill those feelings were to make her mine so I could stop wanting what I couldn't have. As time passes those feelings will die down. You've been doing the right things so far and at least your honest with yourself.
>>
not really.

the crush i have now is a batshit insane slut. i really used to like her until i found out how dirty she is. one night she was with 4 different guys but i still like her.

fucking crazy woman and her cuteness. would date openly.
>>
>>17427983
>>17428053
So just keep doing what I'm doing and give myself more time then?

Who needs to pay here?

Three friends at a party. They're all drunk - one fairly drunk, another wasted, another black out and needing to be carried. The least drunk one calls an Uber. Asks to be taken home first, then gets the ride for the others. The wasted dude just takes the blacked out dude to his place.

They find out later (photographic proof given) that the blacked out dude had puked in the Uber on the way out - most of it landed on the outside, but a small portion landed on the floor in the car. The dude who called it was charged $150. None of them...
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Split equally.
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>>17427959

They only have the info of the guy originally calling, uber doesn't know pukemaster.

Have pukemaster give 150 to original caller and have him pay the bill that way
>>
>>17427981

Yes. The question was how, if at all, they should split the charge.

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Anons, I need help.
I'm M 25 and gay. I live in a big, cool city full of gays and am told that I'm handsome and get hit on. I get told that I'm smart and great for deep conversations and have good grades. But for years now I am miserable, even though I am in therapy. I have never had a boyfriend and my sex life is so bad that I started doing escort sutff. Including BDSM in groups and it went up to 13 young guys orgies. But still, I am never capable of coming. Only when I masturbate. I am blocked, maybe it is internalized homophobia, self hate. As a teen I cut...
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if thereapy doesn't work, the only suggestions are finding other therapists, are focusing on yourself.

have you considered not focusing on such extreme sexual activities? i do a lot of those things as well (Save for the escorting) but its not for everyone
>>
>>17427962
yes I just want normal dates, but I am too scared that I will be blocked and can't come. I just need some care, hugs and kisses for now maybe. But I can't write that in dating profiles haha
>>
>>17427976

you literally can. you can also just not go to the sex. ask a guy on a date, then drop him off. or if he tries to make a move say 'lets wait'.

you may feel like you're using him, but is he not using you for sex? just do what makes you happy anon, stop worrriny about 'OH I CANT WRITE THAT ON A PROFILE'

i consistently go to the gay club, pick up a guy, and then refuse to have sex with him. and i like sex. A LOT. but after a beer or two its not enjoyable for me. i even warn...
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XXI century fucking blows.

I graduated in a technical field at one of the best colleges in my country - I don't even have a job in my field, because when I was 19 I did not know that our engineering besides IT is dead.
I speak pretty good english - nobody would hire me, because everybody speaks english these days. Now they need fucking german.

I wanna cry so bad. I mean, I did everything right, I went to school and got very good grades, went to technical college, one of the best in my country, got a degree. And it doesn't mean anything. People who...
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4chan loves you too anon :)
Where are you from?
>>
>>17427928

>id kill myself but im too fucking noble

fuck you

>shes the only one that i have and i care about

thats your problem. dump her and learn to care about something other than disney fairytales
>>
>>17427931
Poland
>>17427932
there's nothing noble in living this fucking life, I realized that 5 years of my college aint worth shit

How to make people happy?
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>>17427919

discover what would make them happy. not what they say would make them happy. then act upon that.

trial and error, essentially.
>>
Submitting yourself to them and their needs 100%. Gotta know that people don't give a shit about you as long as they are getting what they want.
>>
>>17427930

not true. needs are not happiness and submission does not lead to that.

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I dont want to be a passive aggressive "nice guy" but it fucking feels like I am but I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT MAKES ME LIKE THAT

I WANT TO CHANGE AND I READ ALL THIS SHIT ABOUT WHAT A "NICE GUY" IS AND IM NOT ANY OF IT EXCEPT I CAN FUCKING TELL WHEN A GIRL STOPS BEING ATTRACTED TO ME EARLY IN THE DATE JUST BECAUSE IM FUCKING TALKING TO HER IN SOME WAY THAT I DONT KNOW SEEMS TO BE LIKE THAT
the only connection I can make is that the rapport always dies or sucks
obviously its my fault because its been the same for like 5 dates but I dont...
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>>17427909

you are juding yourself in relation to an ENTIRE GENDER literally 50% of the worlds population.

jesus, even gay guys dont have it as easy as you think they should. I'm hot but i can go on grindr, talk to 20 dudes, and only two will bother responding to me.

the point im trying to make is that nothing you do to yourself will make you treated the same way UNIVERSALLY among women.

stop judging yourself in relation to an entire gender and instead judge yourself in relation to the girls who...
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>>17427909

You're probably not a "nice guy", more likely that you're just boring as fuck.
>>
charming your way into a woman's heart or pants takes years of practice

sounds like you care too much about what girls think about you. trying to be someone you think they want.girls pick up on that pretty quickly and then whatever attraction was there is gone.

it's like playing a musical instrument, your performance needs to feel effortless and playful
sounds like you're sweating bullets the whole time

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How to get urine stains out of cotton underpants?

I don't have borax, ammonia, hydrogen peroxide.
I do have vinegar, shampoo, baking soda, bleach and dish soap.

Tried checking Google but some of the guides seem to just be a confused amalgamation of other guides.
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if theyre white, bleach em up son
>>
>>17427830

Billy Mays here!

Nigga need to you OxyClean.

Buy 8 tubs.

Do it, faggot.
>>
>>17427841
heather grey sadly.
>>17427842
if i had that kind of money i'd be buying new underpants, with all due respect mr. maymay.

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how many failed dates do most people go on before finding an actual relationship?

ive been on 10 dates with 10 different girls in the past year and never had a girlfriend
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33

I've started dating girls anywhere from immediately after ending one relationship to a year or two after

Your location, your vibes, your looks, your status, your job, everything will be a factor

Currently I am living in a place with hairy upper middle class 'hippie' girls living on daddy's dime, but I have a lot of tattoos and and dress more 50s style. My dating life has gone down since moving here from a big city because I don't relate to the people here culturally.

So your question isn't really an easy one to answer,...
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>>17427823

there is no number that 'most' people get. if you flip a coin there is a 50/50 chance of getting heads or tails. yet studies show consistently that if you flip it 100 times, heads tends to win. closer to 70% of the time. no scientific reason.

but humans arent even coins. instead of flipping a coin its more like trying to mix random ingredients with your one ingreident and seeing how it comes out.

on top of that you are also cooking them entirely different ways each time.

there really...
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>>17427823
Every relationship i had, the girl chose me.
Every girl i asked out because i liked her turned me down eventually, only the ones who showed interest in me before i showed interest in them went for the resltionship.. (Still had to ask them out and shit, so its not like they picked up me, but it was pretty clear from the beginning that they were interested)

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I have a GF for like 2 months and we never made out or had sex or something like that and I have no desire to

How will she react if she figures out(she probably did already) that I am asexual?

Was it an important thing to mention when we started dating?

Should I just try even though I am not into it?

Some suggestions please I don't want to lose her
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Talk to her about this.
>>
do you masturbate?
>>
>>17427774

Have you ever had sex?

Hey /adv/!

I want to build a PC for scientific/engineering related computations, and a bit of gaming(I don't want to play the newest games on max graphics with 120 FPS, so it's not really important, but I want to play games too.).
I'm using Autodesk Inventor for modeling, and COMSOL Multiphysics for finite element computations(mostly microfluidics and MEMS), and some of my own C++ programs(Monte Carlo simulations, etc...), and I'm currently learning CUDA. My budget is about 1000$. Here it is what I've build so far:

CPU: INTEL Core i7-6700...
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>>17427770
Just make sure everything is compatible through pcpartpicker, and make sure your power supply is at least gold rated.

Otherwise looks good!

t. Computational mathematician
>>
>>17427770
Ireally don't think you should buy a GTX 9xx. The equivalent cards from the 10xx series give similar performance to two 9xx in SLi for about 10% more money.
>>
>>17427770
you have a gaming rig there pal, if you want it more for engineering type computations you'd be better off with a xeon, ecc ram, and a quadro 2000k or better. Its way more expensive though. I bet somone here will say how an i7 will destroy any xeon, which is true but the xeon is way more stable. something you will be grateful for when you notice your system doesn't crash as often when doing said computations. P.S. I'm an mech engineer and have been building my pc's and my works pc's for the last 7-8 years.

>21yo girl
>mild daddy issues, sub
>met younger guy online didn't know he was younger at first, seemed mature for his age
>started dating him
>ended up being a really shallow guy
>told me that he wouldn't have have never gave me the time of day if I wasn't pretty and was exactly his type
>found out he was cheating on me
>didn't...
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Well... HOW much younger?
>>
I don't see the problem unless you're dating an immature 15 year old.

This is like asking whether you should date someone if they're black or not. There are differences but they're not all the same.
>>
19yo

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Femanon here.

I'm 18 and over the last couple years i've had this insatiable sex drive. Like i think about fucking all the time, i think about how "big" guys that i pass on the street are, i think about what a girl's tits/nipples look like, and i want to fuck aaaalllll the time. I'm ALWAYS horny. I've only had sex three times in my life and i don't act off these urges but it's SO hard not. I feel like i literally need to bite a fucking bullet every time i pass up the chance to fuck or really want to fuck somebody. Please help....
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just a phase

t. literally the same as you but male
>>
>>17427717

Teenage hormones. It will settle with time.
>>
>>17427717
why don't you just go get laid? Seems pretty straightforward

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Sluts/whores of /adv/ I need your advice.

I have a baby daughter and I don't want her to become like one of you.

What advise can you give a father so that the possibility of his daughter becoming a slut/whore are minimal?
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>>17427700

Be supportive and spend time with her so she doesn't have to look for a father-figure elsewhere. But when she reaches the age where she gets interested in guys don't moralize her or judge her, because that will make her rebel. Also, maintaining a healthy relationship between yourself and your partner will set a good example that she will probably want to follow.

Those are the three points where my parents fucked up and why made me slut out in my late-teens/twenties.
>>
>>17427700
You literally can't.
Unless you keep her away from her friends and homeschool her, she'll pretty much turn into a slut like every other female.
>>
>>17427715
>every female is a slut
back to /r9k/

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How do I lose my virginity before I lose my mind?
I'm 22, good looking but hopeless with girls. Tinder is pointless, I get lots of matches but don't know what to tell them and it's forced as fuck, I don't even fucking want to talk to them. Doubt I'll make it in any other way than irl.
I SO wish I had a wingman who'd help me and give me feedback.
15 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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It's all about social circles. Humans are social animals, by trying to pickup girls, expect casual sex or even just meet girls, you need a social circle. Not much, just some contacts, not even best friends just people you hang out with occasionally that would vouch for you in some way

Trust me, your solo shit isn't going to work
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>>17427702
My second sentence is really fuck up looking. I was initially going to to put an analogy in there but couldn't think of one

It's like applying for a job without a resume or connections? Or even a tie?
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>>17427702
But how to do it? I used to go out with my uni group during the uni year, but they went silent since holidays begun. I'm going to pull them together and go get a beer, is that a good start? Also I went to a bar/club with my buddy recently, I'm not sure if that's for me but I guess we'll repeat it.

File: coffee.jpg (5 KB, 259x194) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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ive been drinking at least 3-4 cups of coffee a day since i was 15. im 24 now and i work at an office 3pm-12am. although coffee doesn't effect me the way is did when i was younger i still am finding it hard to fall asleep at 1 in the morning after drinking it so late. i tried stopping but my head aches got so bad i didnt feel like dealing with it. does anyone have any good ways to stop drinking coffee so i can get to sleep like a normal person and not be up at 4 in the morning like some kind of ghoul? any natural remedies or tricks ?
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that's caffeine withdrawal my friend.
try decaf as a placebo our just quit cold turkey.
out of curiosity, how to do take your coffee?
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>>17427668
i usually french press my coffee and drink it black
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>>17427675
never heard if it.
you do this three times a day?
you have a press at work?
maybe throw out the press and get a shitty coffee pot so you'll be less eager to grab a non-french-pressed cup of coffee.
have you tried getting up sooner so you're tired when you get off?
maybe exercise in the morning.

Girl who never does sport here. I never participate in any sport activities/events. How can I become more /fit/? What kind of sports should I do? I have a body shape similar to pic related. I am also Asian if that matters.
6 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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>>17427604
Softball is good. Are you in highschool? Find a gym and start lifting as well, not to bulk up but for some tone. Girls that do squats is a turn on for me personally, helps for a nice firm ass.
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you just posted this on /fit, you faggot
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>>17427604
>asian
seem out one of the two remaining ninjutsu masters and train under him

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Can being single for long, prolonged spans of time be bad for one's mental health?

I keep telling myself there's no way that it could be but I'm not listening. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Just finding someone isn't an option for now, if it ever will at all, and I can't think of any substitutes that'd keep me going for the next few years.
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Alcohol helps temporarily, but I feel like I'm alienating my friends and disappointing my family by drinking so much.
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>>17427577
>Can being single for long, prolonged spans of time be bad for one's mental health?
Being lonely, yes; being single, no. There's a difference.
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Sup /adv/,
Basically my brother (24) likes to do gay stuff on me (m18) just to annoy me/out of boredom. He grabs my dick or balls and squeezes them while I cant do anything about it for example when He sits on me or similar stuff.

He just did it again like a hour ago and touched my dick while I was in the kitchen and went insane on him. Literally punched him for like 10mins and told our parents about it as it makes me want to take my own life and angry at myself every Single time.

Long story short my father just said its just jokes and almost beat me for...
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32 replies and 4 images submitted. Click here to view.
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Man the fuck up and stop being a little bitch?

Jesus, it's like you want to spread that asshole open for him or something.
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If you cant give me a solution to my problem give me a good guranteed way to fucking kill myself. This is madness and i wish i had cancer or something

Also yes, I am insane and fucking broken at this very moment so whatever.
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>>17427556
Can't competete with him. He's 30kg heavier and broke my arm last time i fought him.

Effective ways to kill him/myself?


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