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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 649. page
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So a few days ago I held back from crying like 3 times and now I have shortness of breath. Does anyone know how to get rid of this? Can't really force myself to cry now, so I have to wait until I do feel like it. Is there a faster alternative though?

Everytime I breathe, it feels like I can't reach the end (don't know how else to explain it), and I sort of shake when I exhale.
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To force crying? Look for a feels thread or something you remember made you sad in the past. Sad part of a movie.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LoDfj06VAbE
Try listening to this song:
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>>17409752
I can't really do that right now so I'm looking for other ways to fix this, if there are any.

Bump

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I hate myself, my personality. I have improved a lot of the year and a half though. I came to terms with my body (mostly) but recently I have been real awkward talking to people and I hate my voice, etc. To be fair, I also hate my hair, size of my thighs and even stomach. I gained weight at uni but I have lost it once and am prepared to do it again so its not as bad as personality hate.

Thing is, I feel if I could move out of home and live somewhere else for a few months, restart, prove to myself I can be who I want to be and fix myself up a little bit (yes I am normal...
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My personality is a meme and I am real awkward and I kinda dislike it right now.
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>>17409661
Kill yourself fgt

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I need someone to talk to. I am feeling incredibably anxious since I woke up. Infact, I've been like this since June. No idea why. But I'm just sitting in the bathroom at home right now with the vent on trying to relax. But I can't. I just want to fucking relax before I go to work. I also need to call a Mental Health clinic because I can't take this anymore. Fuck fuck fuck.
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>>17409653
Go to a doc as fast as you can, call in sick if you must. Tell us what you have to say if you want to but doc is priority #1.
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>>17409753

I've calmed down a little bit. I just called the office but the front desk is closed until Monday, so I'll call again then.

I just feel like I'm hitting a mental breaking point. I can't stand this anymore. I mentally can no relax. Even on my days off with I have 0 things to do. And just watch Netflix all day. Even then I can't relax
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>>17409771
Look we all get into positions where we are unsatisfied with life to the point of it being unbearable. Quite frankly I have nothing to tell you that you can't figure out for yourself.

We all have limited control over the conditions we come into the world and have little control over our own fate. It is up to ourselves to use that very minor control we have to do what we want with it.

I sincerely wish you luck anon. Write it down, put it into words either here or in a notebook. It helps me occasionally....
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Met a girl when I was briefly living in her country. We fell for each other. We stayed in contact when I moved back to my home country. We stayed in love. We didn't want to start a proper relationship until we could be with each other physically, so we decided to be forward with our feelings to each other, but we allowed each other to do things with other people. I've gotten with other girls a couple times but it's never been serious. She doesn't particularly like it but she says she won't stop me and doesn't expect me to stop her. We've kinda...
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idk anon she's probably in love with you and doesn't want anyone to have you but her. From the point that you said she doesn't particularly like it if you go out with other girls and also making out with them it seems pretty obvious just by the looks of it. I think she made the decision to block you so that she could move on because both of you are not in the same country but if you guys agreed to a long distance relationship and have the dedication and trust things could work out if both of you gave the effort. If it helps I suggest you find a way to contact...
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Hey /adv/ a couple days ago I made a thread:
>GF and I both commit to being healthy
>I start to get /fit/
>She remains obese because she refuses /fit/'s advice
>Makes excuses about exercise
>what do?

Basically most people told me to break up with her.
Some people said to have a discussion with her about it.
One person said
>just force her to follow a diet by making all...
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>>17409625
Good on you for taking charge. I hope you both stick with it
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What advice from /fit/ is she refusing to follow?
Do you exercise together?
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I hope things work out for you, but like my ex wife whom I divorced, she may just start sneaking garbage meals here and there. So now you are cooking all of someone's meals (like a parent to a child, your wife is a child), and she may still be eating whatever she wants.

Hopefully that's not how it goes, and things work out for you. Just pay close attention is all I'm saying.

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Tattoo question
I'm condisering getting my first one.

-How visible will it be on the underside of your forearm?
I've read that the skin doesn't sag and stretch as much there as you age and also it doesn't receive that much sunlight on a daily basis.
But would it mean that you're forced to wear long-sleeved shirts at work every day?
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>>17409601
While people are more flexible with tattoos now, it still doesn't look professional to have them visible. But it depends on your job and company culture. If you really don't want to get it anywhere else, just be sure you'd either like to wear sleeves or your company is chill with it
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>>17409601
If you want any management or office job, its still looked down on heavily. If you start in a low position where they dont care and work up, they will know you more for your work than your looks, but still probably ask that you cover it. Just put it on your back and save yourself the hassle.
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Dude don't do it tattoo regret sucks ass and the tattoo will probably not come out like you're thinking. taste change and what you think might be cool now might not be so cool in a few years.

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So a few nights ago I was at a party, it was wondering to see everyone there and reconnecting with old friends. While we were at the party the father of one of this guy I know came in, he's a really nice guy, super easy to speak with and he's also blind, he came with his seeing eye dog whom he let out into the yard and everyone was playing with her. She's very well trained and after dog sitting a friend's German Shepard I wanted to see if she could take commands, so I told her to heel and she knelt down.

It was amazing to see, I kept playing ball...
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>>17409557
What the actual fuck am I reading. You feel guilty for getting a dog to heel.
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What a fucking incredible non-issue.
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>>17409557

I suggest every time you go out you take a tape measure with you and be careful not to tread less than 78.64 cm from other people lest they think you want to harrass them.

Since you look so irrationally paranoid

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Sup /adv/

I bought a plane ticket to fly Tuesday somewhere with a tall bridge that is easy to jump off to kill myself. Thing is, I can't wait that long anymore, so I decided to jump off the local bridge. I have to get over the fence (pic related) and I need some ideas. I don't want to carry large objects like ladders and shit for obvious reasons, and I don't want to pay a hobo to boost me up because homeless people are filthy. Please give me your suggestions. Thanks /adv/
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>>17409549
You obviously aren't serious about this if small things like this are stopping you. Also, you know Google image search is a thing right?
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>>17409549

Be committed and jump in front of a train. Not at the station though, sneak on the tracks, hide behind a bush and wait till it's too close to slow down
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>>17409549
try to climb, worst case you end up wounded, but it doesnt matter since u want to die anyway.
or a folding chair, these are usually easy to carry

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>it's another thread asking for college/uni tips

Fucking everyone here has a funny story to share and an old HS pal to talk to, I'm just here sitting with nothing because I spent my HS years being a pseudo-NEET. How do I survive?
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>>17409530
College is a great place for a new beginning. In undergrad especially, you'll have a chance to begin a new social life with like minded individuals. But you only get to do it once. Get out of your shell, date some people, have some fun but be sure to work hard and get a degree in something worth while.
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Go to things and talk to people. I was basically friendless in high school, but in college I've met some of the best people ever just being myself. That sounds lame and cliche as fuck, but really.

Don't be scared dude, it'll work out.
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Don't take a lot of classes until you know what you want to do. Once you have something you're interested you can take a ton of credits. Don't stress, GPA doesn't mean shit unless you want to do post grad.

Work on learning rather than earning.

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>Gender and age
>How long have you been together?
>How often do you see each other? How often do you want to see each other?
>How much affection do you show each other private v. public? (kisses, hugs, cuddles, confessions, holding hands, etc.)
>How often do you/would you like to have sex?
>Activities when you hang out?
>How close you are to one another?

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Male 27, 9 years together, we live together and see each other constantly (which I would never want to change), we don't PDA very often but we can be very affectionate/relaxed in private, we have a moderate amount of sex (1/week is normal for our current circumstances, likely would increase if we were able), we generally go shopping (I am the carry guy) or play video games together, we are very close, and I love her an insane amount, I would be pretty lost without her.

We never really argue honestly, the worst it gets is when we have lost something and neither one...
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Sorry, i'm a lonely neet like 90% of this site.
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>>17409507
- Male, 37
- 20 years (13 married)
- Pretty much constantly, when neither of us is working. Would not change.
- We try to keep it down to a reasonable level. Operative word "try".
- No comment.
- Games of all types, reading, general geekery. Used to fence until health issues forced her out.
- I find it difficult to imagine what being any closer would be like.
- Too seldom for the concept of "mostly" to make much sense. But not QUITE never.
- Yes/Yes/Yes.

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Has anyone here tried rebooting your social life and starting over somewhere else?

I'm 21 and having a tough time imagining making new, lasting and meaningful friendships. The reason why I feel like I need to, is because I feel like I've gotten stuck low on the social ladder, which is a vulnerable position to be in, because I find people often take out their frustrations on the perceived "weakest" in the group and quite frankly I think I'm very forgettable. I blame evolution. That said I'm not bullied, and won't cut contact completely, I just feel that I need to make stronger bonds with people I feel like I can rely on.

Anyways, the plan is to become more interesting by the time I start in college (gonna do biology), through being more healthy and developing on my interests. Have any of you ever pulled something like it off?
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Life has no restarts.
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>>17409441
Hey anon, I'm thinking of the same.
The only difference is that I have no friends and probably won't be any more interesting by the time I go to college.
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>>17409465
Not with that attitude. Read books and get hobbies. We're not set in stone. Our brain literally changes according to what we do.

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I would like to be married to a girl in two years. I'm 19, second year of college coming up. Living out on my own with a little help from parents but have no job right now, living off of savings. She's 26. I want to be fully financially independent + able to support this girl and finish school (Engineering). I would like to marry her in the spring or summer after my third year. Is this possible? What should I look out for? Tips on getting there and how to make her feel secure while getting there? She's really stressed about it which is making me stressed. I'm...
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Why are you in such a rush to get married?
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>>17409426
I really would like to marry her. Living my life with this girl would be the greatest thing that could happen to me. Being able to wake up next to her, support her in her life and she in mine. But she is 26. And we do love each other but I don't want her to leave if she doesn't see a future with me. It would be a lot easier if we were closer in age but she doesn't want to be stuck in one place in her life for too long.
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>>17409443
What? There's nothing stopping you from being in a committed relationship if you don't get married right away. And what if she doesn't want to get married? If she doesn't see a future with you, there's nothing you can do about it. You can't get unilaterally married

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Hey /adv/,

Recently I've been vacationing at my moms place in the states for the summer with her husband and daughter. Everyday it feels like I'm being challenged or made fun of by my step father and step sister.

For example, we would be eating at the dinner table and my step sister would be talking about food and than relate it to how big I am (I'm not big like obese but defentely not skinny) this goes on the entire dinner in front of my mom as she just eats.

Another one is when my brother arrived (He's skinny but tall) my stepdad was all over him talking about him and stuff showing off his old man muscles (Think saggy ass old person body) and he brings up the question of how many times he eats a day, in which he responds 3. This prompts my stepdad to of course reply "Man you should eat more so you can get some meat on yah isn't that right anon?".

Honestly I'm at the point where I want to just pack my things and buy an early plane ticket home because I can't handle all this mental abuse. I just want to know if I might be overthinking it but it's really making this vacation horrible for me.
Also I can't speak their language well as I learned English before my parents primary language so they treat me like I'm autistic when I'm talking to them.

Sorry if there are typos and grammar errors galore It's late.
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>>17409398
Just a buy a gun and shoot them, problem solved duder
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Screw em why should you cut your holiday short because of those nobs? You'll have done just what they wanted.

Either cuss em back and stick up for yourself, or just ignore them and let them continue being immature bastards.
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>>17409947
Yah maybe I should. Worse of all I think is my mom is forcing me to refer to him as "dad" which I feel very uncomfortable with.

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I've been in a relationship with someone online since the beginning of the year, and at first everything seemed fine. But later on they became really clingy, they want to fall asleep at the same time every night, even though they don't like to sleep so we end up staying up until the sun rises almost every day. I also learned that they are a total NEET, I knew they weren't in school already, but they completely don't want to do anything with their life as far as I know.

I've talked to them about how I feel, but I feel like they just don't...
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>>17409364
You are in control of your own computer. You can decide when you're available and when not, and the other person will have to accept that or move on.

That doesn't mean that you have to be nasty, just that you DO have the right to say "I have to sign off now to sleep/do homework/go to work/whatever" and then to sign off.
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>>17409402
Thanks for the advice man

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I have a friend, one that I'm really close to and have been intimate with (physically and emotionally). She's been diagnosed with BPD.

We're not dating and never have been, but after knowing each other for a couple months we started exchanging "I love you"s. This stopped after we had a real discussion about "us" and she revealed that she felt it was too soon for us to be saying something like that (which I also feel is true). She also said that she had only started saying it because she thought it was what I wanted to hear.

A...
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Tell her to refine her diet and overall lifestyle, then straighten her dumb shit out and put an effort into developing self control.

These moronic "personality disorder" labels just give people security in not changing.
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>>17409372
We've been working on eating healthier together, and she's already looking for a job. However, she tends to lose motivation easily and has currently sunk into a real nasty funk.

I'd like to help her with her problems without coming off as preachy, or holier-than-thou.
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>>17409360
Be aware that you're taking on a very heavy load in getting involved with someone bipolar. It's one you may be happy to take on, but don't be blind to it.

You will have to ride her mood swings along with her - cope with her closing down and rejecting you when she's down, and try to keep her from going wild when she's up. It is inevitable that she will turn against you in one way or another when at both extremes, and you'll have to bear that pain.

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Sup, /adv/.
> be me
> work at a pizza joint
> Have mental issues, mostly psychosis, like auditory hallucinations and other psychosis
>be on medication
>find it difficult to concentrate at work
>try again and again to make pizzas right
>keep failing
>having problems with fine motor control
>...
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By unraveling your core issues and getting the voices to stop, so you can not be distracted and not take shitty medication (that sounds like Abilify) that messes with fine motor control.

First step is rejecting the psychiatric disposition that says you're broken for life. You're not, your brain is functioning the way it is for a reason, and there is absolutely no evidence to suggest it's an intrinsic mechanical failure you can only "manage". All evidence points to the contrary.

Ask yourself the real questions. The voices aren't foreign,...
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>>17409365
I ask myself questions a lot. A lot of uncomfortable questions. What is the next step after that?
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>>17409376
Building mental structures and finding the means to enact change. Iterate over time. Keep iterating. There is a fundamental complex of core reasons you've become the way you are, and the longer it remains unreconciled, the deeper it's going to go. Return to childhood. Change your diet, change your life. Ask yourself if the role you play and how you're treated, what you see of yourself, is really tolerable.

I don't have all the answers because I'm not you. The above is a rough template,...
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3 year Ex bf and I have mutual friends. Broke up like 2 months ago. Get invited to a friend's sister's wedding. He and his new gf will be there, they've been together almost 2 months. I think we all might sit in the same table. I wanna go but also don't. What do you guys think?
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>I think we all might sit in the same table
Specifically ask that this not be the case, then go.
It's really not that hard to rearrange some miscellaneous people at weddings.
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>>17409349
Yeah I'll see if they can do that actually.

I am trying to learn how to live in the world outside of the internets. I am 25, maybe autistic or just plain oblivious, I did not have a normal childhood, nor teenage years.

Anyway, I was playing pokemon go and one of the gyms was on a very popular trail. I was sitting on a bench, playing pokemon while this woman caught my eye and i didn't notice until it was too late, but i found myself leering. she made side eye contact, then threw her waterbottle in the trash near me and grabbed her cheek (sort of like the picture, but more to the side and a bigger squeeze while...
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She was fucking with you.
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>>17409329
ok, i knew it.
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>>17409325
It was just part of her workout.
You could have offered a hand, you chauvinistic pig!

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I'm a 25 year old virgin. I'm a good looking guy, and young girls, 18 to my age, give me attention all of the time, but now I constantly deny myself the opportunity to get laid because I am afraid of their reactions when they find out how inexperienced I am. Most of these girls are co-workers or friends in our group, and I'm afraid of word getting out. My closest friends all think I have no issues with girls, and I've lied about how many time I've gotten laid. I have told the truth about never having a girlfriend, though.

I am beginning to realize...
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>>17409324
Noone cares you're a virgin. Just go for it you dunce, or you'll end up a wizard. Also, don't be desperate.
>>
Sounds like your core problem is having crafted a false persona, ie, lied outright. It's easier if you only lie by omission.

Just do it and get it over with, and face up to that you lied. A weight will be lifted and people probably won't care as much as you think.

I'm 22 and will probably find myself in a similar position eventually, minus the lying. I never lie.
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>>17409324
>co-workers or friends in our group
Don't shit where you eat

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I found my bosses Instagram and not sure what to do. Technically she's still just my employer (waiting for my background check to come in). I've been creeping hard without leaving a trace but feel weird about it. I feel like just following her account and seeing where it goes but feel it's inappropriate in a work agree for me to do so the same way teachers don't friend their students on Facebook.

Help me, half of me wants to fuck around and say some funny shit and the other half wants this job badly.
What do.
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Help yourself. You already have the means.
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>>17409318
That's not coffee.
WTF is she even drinking?
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>>17409320
Looks like ice coffee or a mix drink

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How do I not be socially oblivious?
My friend tells me that I haven't inproved on my social malaise, so what can I do to learn how to better interact with people?

I'm not even sure what I'm doing wrong. I also am scared because I have to learn all this in front of other people.
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>>17409312
Use your head. People are just very complex machines. Watch their outputs, figure out why they generated them, infer what they're thinking and feeling, and learn to understand your own experience and ideals.

It's always an interplay between your own desires and playing along with the way other people work.

PS, people net suck. Do not become a slave.
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>>17409315
Thanks, anon. You explained that well.

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Fuck..................................
I read this book, how Charlie was treated, I was treated my first 20 years of life. Is there a way to check if I am a moron (really stupid / retard)? like a quick online test? I have a high GPA but I do study a fuck ton.
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>>17409311
No, you're not. Relax.
If you did have mental limits you would have noticed by now that there were elementary things (like counting money or finding your way home) that everybody but you could do, and you wouldn't be capable of a high GPA with all the studying in the world.

You might be a plodder rather than a high flier, the kind of person who can achieve heights but has to work at it, as opposed to the few (and they are very few) who seem able to do it without trying. But that's no great...
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/adv/, I need help.

There was a girl I liked, but I was too nervous to approach her, so one of my friends ended up doing it (he didn't know I liked her) and they are basically bf/gf now so I backed off.

Now that I have taken a liking to another girl another one of my friends also recently did too. I don't want history to repeat itself, and I just don't know what to do. I am very awkward and feel like I have nothing to talk about so I don't.

I don't broadcast that I like someone because it feels very awkward to do so.

Sorry...
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Then get a move on and fucking talk to her ffs lifes not a rehearsal
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>>17409309
How do I do this, though? I never had a figure to teach me how to deal with girls. I have no clue what I would talk about.
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>>17409316
Just treat her like a human being? What the fuck do you talk about with your dude friends? Do that, but to her. Just ask how she's doing and ho on from yhere. If you have any hobbies/interests in common, that'll be a good place to start.

http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/07/23/is-hidden-fungus-making-you-ill/
Apparently I've had that for years. it sums up literally every reason why I hate myself. I'm disgusting and now I know why. BUT! There is a solution, which will be hard.
Anyone have any advice?
4 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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/bump
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>>17409276
It is more likely snoo.
>>
Everything on that list on symptoms aside from the literal infections is just "WELL GEE THAT SORTA FITS ME TOO!"

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So, a couple of months ago i moved in with my dad. Im 18 and couldn't find a job or afford a car, so I came to him soni could get somewhere closer and also since ive lived with my mom and wanted to see him more.

And while ive made a lot of progress and had a great time, i want to go back soon. Basically, as soon as i have enough to buy a vehicle when i get back (which is about a month more of working).

How do i tell him? I always knew id go back but i told him i hadnt decided yet. He wants me to stay, and my younger step sister also moved in and she expects...
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4 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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>>17409267

Just be upfront about it, being dishonest will hurt your relationship in the long run
>>
>>17409292
Should I just tell him soon then? I dont want to say anything until i have a close date because I need to factor in some stuff to see exactly when i leave
>>
>>17409298

Yes of course, maybe his fatherly advice can help you dcide when and where

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For starters no this isn't a relationship or girl problem. I'm a guy.

So lately I've been feeling crazy irritable. Everything frustrates me and pisses me off.

Maybe its the summer or something?

Can anyone give me any advice?

Pic unrelated.
6 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
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>>17409250
Mood can be effected be several factors.
How have you been sleeping? How many hours?
How is your diet? Have you changed it recently?
How are your relationships with those close to you? Has anything sizable happened recently?
How are you doing? Are you struggling with anything internally (save frustration)?
>>
>>17409250
hot flashes
>>
>>17409265
Like 7.5 half hours.
Diet really hasn't changed.
This guy I live with put me through one too many mirco-aggressions.
I have a handful of internal struggles.

>>17409268
No and do guys even get hot flashes?

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What do I have to do to join the Illuminati?

If I can't join I'll be dead in a few years, so time is of the essence.
21 replies and 3 images submitted. Click here to view.
>>
Dollars and Jewish descent. you might be able to fake it if you're the right kind of slav.
>>
>>17409236
now this is shit posting! let me try
>>
Have something to offer

Willing to do anything sexually

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How do I stop feeling empty inside?
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>>17409192
Eat ice cream. Or sweets in general. Get a life and a girlfriend.
>>
>>17409197
How do I get a life?
>>
>>17409192
From where are these characters?
Also find a friend, or a hobby and a friend.

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I've been trying to track an old friend down for a month now So far i have their family's information inducing names numbers and addresses but their info is no were online. i want to find their exact location but i'm having a tough time since they didn't leave much of a trail behind, what do i do?
3 replies and 1 images submitted. Click here to view.
>>
what info do you have?
>>
all the current family's info except jobs, a bit of the main persons info but still not enough concrete evidence of her location.

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she really hates cigarettes
lots of personal reasons i dont want to get into

so it would make sense that when she told me this i would stop. so i said i would.

i caved one day and had one. i guess im weaksauce. she found out about it when she asked me if i had smoked recently and i couldnt lie to her, yknow i really love her.

and now ive broken her trust. she's taking it really hard.

she's been my best friend for years and recently we were on our way to being together romantically too. literally soulmates, its pretty deep.

shes...
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>>
quit smoking for good.
>>
>>17409183
already doing that man, but thanks
>>
Do what you want, man. You're not even going out with this girl and she has this level of control over you? Tell me what stake she has in you smoking/not smoking?

You are your own person, it's entirely your choice whether you smoke or not. You 'broke her trust' and now she's freaking out about it? Is she that mentally weak? Tell her to fucking get over it.

Forget building trust, this is a losing game that you will be trapped in forever, always seeking her approval and trying not to upset her.

You do love her, it's obvious from...
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