Been with this guy almost a year.
>overly clingy/needs constant attention
>I'm busy with work and too worn out when I come home to deal with his constant nagging
>I care about him as a person, but I can't put up with him being crazy all the time
>anytime I try to talk to him and just relax like we used to it turn into him thinking I'm cheating or that I don't love him enough
I think we need to break up or at least take a break, but anytime I bring it up he cries and talks about wanting to die.
Idk how to end this gently. I don't think I want him gone forever. I just don't have time atm for this kind of relationship
>pic related I have over 50 voice mails from him just this month. Either upset and crying or telling me he's sorry and he loves me.
haha you stupid fuck you've been with him for a year now
he's so "in love" at this point any break up is gonna be nuclear
how he got lucky enough to fuck you for a year while being a social retard, ill never know
anyway, have fun leaving the retard
This is why you don't ignore red flags before you date.
Unfortunately at this point sounds like the attraction is gone. It certainly would for me. And he's guilt-tripping you into not breaking up with him.
Call it quits and prepare for more crazy.
Any way you do it or put it is not going to be gentle for him. If this is something you absolutely want to do, you're just going to have to do it. Be direct, tell it like it is, and don't be patronizing.
He mentioned being clingy and it was sweet and not hard to deal with because I didn't use to work all the time.
I like him a lot and when he's not on his period we got along well without any hiccups.
Now that I work 9-9 6 days a week I don't have the time I used to.
I explained this to him and I tried to keep him happy, but he started getting progressively worse, so even when I'm home I avoid him.
It's been this way for the last 2 months and I'm about ready for it to end.
I feel like an asshole, but I literally hate seeing his name on my phone now.
Does he work? If so, wait until the weekend to break up with him to give him some time to recuperate. You could do it over text since it's an LDR, though a phone might be better. It's a judgement call since he's kind of crazy. Be firm and honest, tell him that you can't handle these things. Don't hint towards hope for the future, you need to make a clean break and cut contact at least for now.
to clarify, over text like an instant messenger, not text message. also a phone call*
I personally think over an IM would be better since he might start freaking out and not give you a chance to explain why you're doing this, and if you're a pushover he's less likely to convince you to stay.
That's the thing, he doesn't work. He's not at Uni cause summer so all he does now is bug me or think about bugging me.
He doesn't understand what being tired and busy means. He doesn't get that after working 9-9 every day (in a customer service related industry) I just want to come home, eat dinner, watch a show, and sleep.
I'm sick of dealing with other people problems and moods all the time
>>pic related I have over 50 voice mails from him just this month. Either upset and crying or telling me he's sorry and he loves me.
I felt for the guy until I got to this. Are you serious? He calls you leaving messages crying? This kid needs to grow up.
>He mentioned being clingy and it was sweet and not hard to deal with because I didn't use to work all the time.
Okay, NOW I feel for him again.
You knew what you were getting yourself into. You are abandoning him. You KNEW about it, and now you're just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy you have no time for him.
She can encourage him to if she'd like to, but people only change if they see a problem, want to, and feel like it's possible if they put in the effort. I used to be like this (although a girl) and even though it drove my partner insane, I didn't know what to do about it. Change can be hard but it's possible, but a lot goes into it besides someone else wanting you to change. When I finally got to the point where I could figure out how to change myself I was able to do it, it took a long time and a lot of failure until I finally was able to succeed. Op, if you are leaning towards this option, then definitely tell him how you feel and see where it goes from there. I also had a friend "trapped" in this situation and it took a lot to actually break up with him. He would use the threats, and keep talking to her, texting and fb messaging her constantly, but eventually she just stopped talking to him altogether and after a while he just stopped contacting her and she moved on.
Everyone is clingy.
It's part of being in a relationship.
I thought he was a normal person; he behaved like a normal person for the most part.
Just me not being around has brought out the worst in him, I guess.
I want to be around, but even when I am he's just crying and askig why I don't have time for him.
I'm not out with friends. I'm not cheating. I'm literally at work and then I come home and sleep.
You yourself knew what you were getting into, and you yourself claim you thought it was sweet.
Now that you are "so damn busy," suddenly you don't have time for him. Don't you see what's going on here? You are abandoning him, and he recognizes that. He is responding to your abandonment.
You knew what you were getting yourself into and now you can't be bothered. Gee, it must be nice to be able to drop your feelings for someone at a moment's notice.
You obviously don't care about this guy at all. You might as well leave him.
he's the boob that let it get this bad. fuck it dude, tell him everything, explain your side as best you can. make sure you don't tell him to change for you though, might make him have an insecurity panic attack. he is going to have a panic attack, just make sure that he doesn't think his insecurity can fix it by changing or whatever. he just needs to grow stronger on his own.
If I didn't care you think I would be on 4chan advice?
I've talked to him about the issues for 2 months. He never acted out before. I wasn't abandoning him I was at work, like an adult.
I have explained and tried to make him relax, but nothing will make him happy other than me spending every waking moment with him.
I only NOW have learned that He doesn't understand relationships, he just needs someone to fill his time.
I can't be that, even though I would love to.
No, you obviously don't care, because your reaction to this behavior is to run away.
Look, you might as well just leave him. If you're not willing to work with him then just go. Let him move on.
Next time, if a man tells you he is clingy, you know better than to lead him on into thinking you could handle it. You clearly cannot.
>he complains about her not being around
>she tries to fix problem by being around
>instead of being a normal person he just cries and complains
>pushes girl away
Rinse and repeat.
"Stop running away from a burning building"
You are just as delusional as he is.
Op, this guy really needs to grow up and relax. If he doesn't than you should leave him.
Oh man I was the same way op is talking about. I wanted to spend every waking moment and sleeping moment with the girl I had been with almost two years. The only girl I felt I trusted enough to vent and actually share my feelings with. But apparently girls see that as weakness. She wanted the same thing "space". So I tried to kill myself a few times yadda yadda... Long story short yes, yes you are abandoning him and all you're going to do at this point is cause him pain. At this point you've made up your mind. You don't wanna fix this and you are just trying to find the answer you wanna hear
I disagree that it means she doesn't care. I was in a relationship like this and no matter how much of my partners free time was spent with me, it was never enough. I reacted the same way. They couldn't handle it anymore because nothing they would do would work. I ended up breaking up with them because they couldn't give me what I needed. Then I focused on myself and my issues, instead of putting them on someone else. At the time I only thought it was the other person who was in the wrong but I was a mess myself. I had unrealistic expectations of my partner and I had to deal with my own insecurities.
This guy clearly doesnt understand what it's like to work 12 hour shifts.
OP, the same thing happened to me. I was working 12 hour days, and to top it off, sometimes they were overnight shifts.
The guy I was dating at the time (LDR also) first started acting just like your boyfriend, then found someone else to replace me. Just another chick off of some videogame we played together.
Replace me, meaning he cheated on me while still trying to have me in the sidelines. Kept telling me they weren't dating until a good handful of people I never met messaged me and showed me what was going on. It wrecked me
I'm glad hearing this from someone who is on his end.
Working on yourself and being happy as a person makes every relationship work better.
I feel like he's being very immature and emotional.
I wish I could help or be what he wants, but I physically/mentally just can't.
Why would you be an an unhappy and unfuffiling relationship?
Are you serious?
Well honestly it wasn't as simple as that. My partner kept hanging out with people too (not just school/work) and it felt like they were taking priority over me. I couldn't handle it and was afraid of being hurt. And I was right to break up with them because a couple days after we broke up, they went and kissed someone they were hanging out with, holding hands (they called and told me) and eventually ended up dating. They needed a someone positive in their life and I needed to figure my own stuff out.
She was already leaning towards that - it says in her first post. I believe she as more or less looking to make sure she was making the right decision and if so, how to go about it. That's what I got out of it anyways
Did he freak out and think you were doing other things/cheating or that he "wasn't a priority"?
Working all the time has made me literally comatose when I get home lol.
I am sure he'll find someone else eventually, but now he's at the "I'm going to die without you" stage.
It's hard to fix things or even break things off right now.
Don't listen to this dingus, they're clearly deluded on the idea of Disney romance. Real relationships happen in the real world, where there is a balancing act between all the things that need your time and attention. If he has all this time to go crazy on you, he clearly has nothing else going on in his life that needs his attention. Maybe it's time you two moved on, since you're at two different places in life and he can't seem to handle that. If you're already starting to resent him, there isn't much that can fix that short of him just magically not being crazy anymore.
I feel it would be best for him if I break it off, even though we care about eachother.
I've tried to make it work for 3 months, but it's been falling apart to the point that even seeing his call makes me feel like I have to be prepared for an emotional attack.
So, I want to figure out the best way to end it because I hate hurting him this way.
>I don't think I want him gone forever.
You need to make a decisive break, none of this "maybe we can try dating again later" stuff. You either want to be with him and work things out, or you don't. I think you should definitely break up with the guy, but don't give him any hope for the future. That's cruel and it will make it harder for him to move on. Even if you DO want to try things later, you need to word it as a permanent thing. It's not fair to have him waiting around for you.
>If he has all this time to go crazy on you, he clearly has nothing else going on in his life that needs his attention.
Yeah he's not working or in school atm.
He has all the time in the world to sit around and miss me.
I miss him, too (and it's not like I just magically started ignoring him or treating him like shit), I just started working more.
No mater what I do or how much time I do spend with him it's not enough.
I have started to resent him and it's terrible.
I know. I want to be with him and I feel like this could be a great relationship, but right now it won't work.
I could just end it and if it's meant to be, in a few months whenI have more time, I could try and see if he still wants to be with me.
But that seems so selfish :(
I would be straight forward and honest with him. Acknowledge his feelings and make him feel validated, but also be firm and don't let him sway you back. Tell him how you feel but try not to use an accusing tone or make it seem like it's all his fault. Even if he shouts, try your best to not do it as well because that won't get anywhere. You don't have to follow this advice, but it's just a suggestion. If anyone else disagrees or has things to add, I hope they can so it can be as helpful to you as possible. Also, I wouldn't do it over text. Either phone or in person. If in person, do it somewhere private but not at your own house because it's easier to leave than to try to get someone else to leave. If he is threatening towards you then I would maybe do it where people are close by but can't hear your conversation. Those are just my thoughts though
>He's going to cry, yell, call me names, and threaten suicide.
Those are problems that he has to deal with himself, and if he stays in a relationship with you, he has a false sense of things being okay, however slightly so, which is also bad for him.
I was that guy but not allowed to be as crazy per se. Long distance relationships are unnatural. They make no sense. Maybe you should just be friends if you can't be with each other in person enough to have a real relationship. You shouldn't start things you can't actually do.
Anyway sorry he's doing this. Something probably happened to him in the past. I'm sorry he's ruining your romantic feelings with his insane bullshit.
However, I think he got to this point for a reason.
Yes. He thought I was lying about going to work. He would ask me to take pictures of my workplace to prove that I was actually there, but then would try to question the validity of them. "Well, ALL stores look pretty much the same" "But its blurry" etc. I would take pictures from BEHIND the counter - which could have gotten me fired - and in my work uniform. I would retake blurry ones. I would take them within a minute of him asking, and he still wouldnt believe me despite it taking at least 15 minutes to get to where I worked
Learn to take a video, idiot, it takes 2 seconds. Send him a pic of your employee tags and your uniform on you, you or he can't deny those.
God you people are stupid, you're not even fucking trying. Just break up with him already, he won't be happy because he doesn't trust you. He probably thinks you're too pretty for him.
Wow. This dude needs to grow the fuck up.
I was like that, super clingy, it didn't take until she left me, for me to man the fuck up.
He's insecure, jealous and a baby. Not your problem to deal with. Those are HIS issues, and you can't solve them.
Bottom line, if you're unhappy and not satisfied in the relationship, and it's been an ongoing thing, with no change in sight... Then probably gotta make a hard choice.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that isn't healthy, and to me this sounds this way. Like WHO actually takes videos to prove where they are?? If my bf is that insecure and doesn't trust me then why would I be with him, especially if I do my best to show him that I'm trustworthy? I know my bf gets insecure once in a while and of course I do my best to tell him that I love him and comfort him so he doesn't feel that way. But when he gets that and knows that I'm not going anywhere or hurting him, he feels better. It's not a constant ongoing thing, maybe once a month. And he does the same thing when I feel insecure. There needs to be a balance and sometimes what you do should be enough to show them, it's tiring if someone has to prove their love constantly and have it be rejected. I also wouldn't want to be threatened either. Basically to me it seems like a form of manipulation because they are trying to make you feel bad in order to get what they want. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that either. No matter how much I care for someone, I'm not going to be with them if they bring me down and feel like what I do is never enough.
Honestly, it's too late. You hate seeing his name on your phone? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Not wanting to connect is a sure sign that you aren't too interested anymore. You have already begun to resent him. OP, the relationship is over. It's no one's fault, least of all yours.
You could try to salvage it by talking to him about this direct problem. But be warned, crying and clingy partners are always ready to guilt-trip you into staying. He needs to work on his excessive emotions; if he simply cries and apologizes with declarations of love, you're eventually just going to be annoyed by him even saying "hello" and "I love you."
This is not how a relationship is supposed to be! There should be more happiness than stress. End it, OP.
And note, if he mentions suicide, such as "if you break up with me, I'll kill myself," then you need to end it immediately. That is straight up manipulation, meaning he's playing you and saying anything to guilt you into staying with him. If he seriously says that shit, contact the suicide hotline and dump his ass. There's no excuse.
My serious gf of almost 4 years cheated on me so I kinda feel for him.
I'm going to have a really hard time trusting girls from now on.
He's being flat out ridiculous though. If he can't get over those things himself then you gotta end it. Just be honest and lay it down. Then end all contact if need be.
>especially if I do my best to show him that I'm trustworthy
>Like WHO actually takes videos to prove where they are
I would, because I have nothing to hide. I don't mind proving anything I have to prove because I'm not a sneak person. I'm not the one constantly needing to validate myself through attention because I don't need it.
>Bring me down
Yes, because it's the world's plan to bring you down and make you conform, they should just take you at your word and that's it because your word is LAW. What you say and do is the 100% truth even if there is inconsistencies. No one's forcing you to be with these people, honestly.
OP if you're still here.
your boyfriend was pretty much me in my first relationship. when it turned into an LDR, i did all of those things.
you seriously need to break up with him and let him find his own way. that's what i would have wanted, personally. he probably doesn't even understand or realize he's being clingy (like i didn't) and the only way he will is to be alone. it'll be messy and he'll try to guilt you into not doing it (i want to die/i can't live without you/i need you/i love you so so much/ etc etc) but he'll be fine in the end.
you need to do this, for him. he obviously hasn't matured mentally enough to be independent, and he never will if he thinks he can lean on you.
i could write a ton more about this but yeah. just break up with him, and maybe in like a year when he figures out how to stand on his own two feet, date him again if you'd like.
some people never learn how to do that, but that's how long it took me.
reassuring him, answering his calls, texting him back, whenever I get the chance I spend as much time with him as possible, I'm not constantly texting anyone or messaging other people, etc. Although in my last post, I was just referring a situation like that in general.
I'm not saying that I wouldn't do it, but if my partner was actually skeptical of me and thinking I was doing things when I wasn't, I would find that hurtful.
What? I don't even know what you're going on about here. The world? Law? I was just stating my opinion on how I would feel and how I believe I would react if I were in a situation like that. I've been the insecure person so I have been on that end. And also I've been through enough shit to know what I want for myself. And that's why I said I wouldn't be with someone when the negatives outweigh the positives.
>working 9-9, 6 days a week
okay, who, and what the FUCK are you? I work 5 days a week, 7-3:30 and I can barely handle this shit. I'm falling asleep 12 hours a light, and my LDR GF, she doesn't like it but takes comfort in the fact that this job will help me pay for a trip to see her at the end of the summer.
But really, 9-9, 6 days a week? What the hell do you do? How much are you being paid?
I agree a lot with this. The same thing pretty much happened to me. The relationship was so prolonged and my partner just kept distancing their self more and more, and it hurt way more than it probably could have.
The dating again thing doesn't always work though. Because that's what we tried to do. It was messy and I was so anxious and sad all of the time, and we just couldn't put it together. I would much rather have tried my best to move on earlier, because it was so painful. Although everyone is different, so I would do what you believe is best for you and your boyfriend.
This guy said it better than me. Break up with him now explaining that you don't feel it and he needs to learn to be on his own, because if you don't experience any more of this, maybe you'll be able to look at him in a new light in the future. It's either that or just keep enduring this until it's all ruined.
my dad leaves me at least 2 voicemails a day if I don't pick up, saying "are you home safe?" and "did you eat?" and "do you need anything?" everyday. I'm 18 too, so I don't see the issue with 2 voicemails a day if the guy really cares.
Learn to phrase your ideas correctly. Only paranoid people think someone is 'bringing them down'.
>reassuring him, answering his calls, texting him back, whenever I get the chance I spend as much time with him as possible
Ok, but you're not the one with the problem OP has.
>I would find that hurtful
Because you're soft. This girl is probably obvious and clumsy but meticulous, that says a lot about a person. Meticulous people are usually either the most trustworthy or the most untrustworthy, the untrustworthy ones miss options and don't read situations as they come but more as they expect them. He probably either sees that, through inconsistencies in her personality thus sees the obvious avenue of her cheating on him. If she leaves him instead, he'll learn how trustworthy she actually is and that she wasn't just stringing him along.
I don't think the voicemail thing is obsessive and creepy, I never listen to my voicemails anyways. The fact that he's crying and expecting someone to listen to 2 voicemails a day when it's a fucking bitch to get to the voicemail menu is ridiculous though.
Meh, I'll learn what I want to. English class was incredibly boring to me.
And I never said I was. I was just answering your previous question.
Yup I am very sensitive, and fair enough.
All I was saying is my thoughts if I were in a situation similar to that. Not saying that it was exactly what she should do.
I work in finance. I am pretty much a paper pusher and people worker at the firm I work at.
I'm trying to get my career started and build relationships and he sees it as "other people being my priority".
Anyway, I just got back home and this thread got really weird and hostile.
Then just fucking leave him. For fuck sake. You're not helping his anxiety.
Lie if I ever heard one. You work in finance but work behind a counter. You work in finance, but you work at a store...
OP I dunno why some people are being so hostile here. Assume trolls and don't reply.
When you break up with him you need to have a complete break. Don't talk to him or see him etc for at least 3 months. You can warn him that you aren't going to reply so he doesn't think you are dead.
This isn't for you but for him. If you keep replying to him he will stay obsessed with you and give him hope
Guys are upset because they see themselves in OPs boyfriend. Anyway OP, this guy is emotionally abusing you. I can say this easily because I went insane during my first serious (and LDR) relationship. It's not healthy at all staying with him for either of you.
Sounds like the first relationship a friend of mine had. In the end, the only solution was to GTFO.
For future reference, avoid LDRs and don't date guys who have no friends, as that seems to correlate with being clingy and obsessive like that.
same here, bro
I feel you
mine broke up with me in march and had a new guy same week. I even flew out to see her the day after she broke up with me and told her if we could be together i'd move to her the next week.
Didn't work but i ended up moving to the area shes in, in the beginning of june. :/
shits hard, shes all i can think about, she was showing me rings she wanted the week she broke up with me and had names for all 4/5 of our kids..
ive slept with 12 women since she broke up with me and i still wake up at night thinking about her even tho she cheated on me X amount of times.
Question if you're still here OP, is it online or is it long distance?
As in have you met him? Or do you see him often?
If it's been a year and you're not happy and he doesn't make you happy. Quit the relationship, end it quickly.
Not because how he's acting, but because you don't feel for him the same way. Yes, his actions can cause you to feel like that but it's your life and your feelings matter more than anyone elses. If anything happens to him, it'll never be your fault.
You come first OP, your feelings matter more.