So, there's this attractive woman in one of my university lectures who I've met eyes with a few times. The guy who sits next to her puts up his hand in class a lot, so when I turn to look at him, I kind of look at her more, and then she'll look back...
At first, I made nothing of it, because I'm a creep anyway, so being caught staring at girls is nothing new. I didn't think that she might reciprocate the attraction.
But, the other day, I was putting my name on the sign up sheet for something, on which we could select from multiple time slots to go on some tour. She was directly behind me waiting to also put her name on the sheet. When she did, she seemed to intentionally put her name on the same timeslot that I did, and then sort of giggled.
I could be making too much of it. There were only three slots to choose from, and we both picked the most popular ones. But, I dunno... I didn't make eye contact with her, so I don't know if she was looking at me when she giggled... but I did get that vibe that it was directed at me... I could just be delusional, though.
Anyway, since she is attractive, it seems like an opportunity to strike up a convo with her when we do go on the tour.
However, I've been going through a rough patch recently. Not really sadness, just numb ennui, lethargia, stress, and purposelessness. I've been binge eating a lot as a consequence, and don't really feel attractive or confident.
In fact, I'm not even really interested in pursuing girls right now. But I feel that if this is an opportunity, and I don't take it, there will be some point in the future where my interest in pursuing girls returns, and I'll regret not taking this chance, the same way I've missed so many other chances with beautiful women due to my idiocy.
So, I dunno, I guess this is two questions.
1. Was she really sending signals, or am I just crazy?
2. How the fuck do you flirt when you feel like an ugly sack of self-loathing shit?
1. Sounds like you really think she made the signals, but your low self-esteem wont let you admit it to yourself. Be honest with yourself. You think it was intentional, and you hope it was. You are afraid of being wrong, and that if you are, it will confirm that you are crazy (or at least don't understand people as much as you hope). Someone who wasn't there can't really judge whether she was sending signals or not, but it sounds like you think she did.
2. >I'm not even really interested in pursuing girls
If you really mean that, you can use it. Try to talk with her WITHOUT the pressure of flirting. If you are as far down as you make it seem, you need the practice.
>same way I've missed so many other chances with beautiful women due to my idiocy.
Just for fun, I'm going to recount some such examples of this from my past because why not regale the internet with tales of my betaness
>Have QT.314 in one of my lectures
>One day, turn around and catch her staring at the back of my head
>Instead of using it to start a conversation, awkwardly walk away, which probably only makes her feel creepy and self-conscious (oh shit I got caught staring), when I totally would go for that
>Course is about comic books, and I'm a nerd, so I can't help putting up my hand a lot and spreading my autism
>If she was ever attracted to me before, she sure as fuck isn't now that I've revealed my power levels
>If you really mean that, you can use it. Try to talk with her WITHOUT the pressure of flirting. If you are as far down as you make it seem, you need the practice.
That actually makes sense. I can use my lack of current interest to my advantage so that I come off as aloof rather than all nervous like I usually do.
> Sounds like you really think she made the signals, but your low self-esteem wont let you admit it to yourself.
That could be it. I mean, that very thing has happened to me a couple times in the past, causing me to severely shit the bed.
At the same time... I dunno, the dude she sits beside that I was talking about earlier is pretty good looking, so I have no idea why she wouldn't be all over that instead. They sit together, but I don't see them interact much, so I don't know what their relationship is, but if I were a chick, I'd go for that over me any day. I mean, I'm a skinnyfat weirdo with a patchy beard (I pull at my beard hairs when I get stressed, so I essentially have a bald spot under my chin now). And since I've gained weight, I don't even bother dressing well anymore, because my good clothes don't look good on me anymore and I don't give a fuck about myself.
That's why it makes no sense to me that she would be interested in me.
>I mean, that very thing has happened to me a couple times in the past, causing me to severely shit the bed.
Here are some more examples
>Be in high school
>Moderately attractive girl who is sort of in popular circles
>One day, her friends push her in my direction and go "OMG you should just go talk to him since you like him" or something
>Think "it couldn't possibly be me."
>There is literally nobody behind me.
>Still rationalize it as them talking about somebody else who maybe I can't see because I dunno maybe an invisibility formula has been discovered that I just don't know about and everybody has already figured out how to detect invisible people but me
>Go about my day like nothing happened and don't even think about after that until it dawns on me over a year later
On the one hand, she wasn't really my type or what I'd go for. On the other hand, fuck, she was mildly attractive and had quite an exceptional posterior, and I should had realized that high school is about having fun rather than starting serious relationships with people you are 100% compatible with. Shouldn't had let the fact that she wasn't really my type get in the way of at least having some fun together and fooling around. Oh well.
>This was also in high school
>Always goof around with friend in bio class. Some girl who sits near us always laughs at my jokes even though she's not part of our convos
>One day get partnered with her for assignment
>I notice that she seems to be making an effort to mimic my sort of dry sarcastic humour, as it to try to impress me
I think the reason I didn't do anything about it was because she was a grade lower. Which doesn't mean anything at all, because a single year's difference is meaningless. But for some reason, at that age, being in different grades feels like you're worlds apart. It's stupid, but I felt like I'd be a pedo or something.
Is anyone being entertained by my stories of embarrassing cluelessness or should I stop now
This one is one that still stings:
>Again, in high school
>Girl I've been acquainted with since middle school seems to be showing signs of interest in me
>For example, when I was in charge of picking my group for a drama class project, she stared at me and smiled, and was excited when I picked her
>Looking back at entire time I've known her, realize that she's been sending signals since middle school (she used to start convos with me on Facebook out of the blue)
>Coincidentally, right after I find out, I get her for secret Santa
>Decide to get her Harry Potter wand because I remember how she said she always wanted it
>Over Christmas break, decide to ask her out
>Too beta to do it in person, so do it over Facebook
>She doesn't respond for a while
>I'm really beta, so this upsets me
>When school starts up again, I become pissy as shit because I dunno I guess I'm stupid and think that's an appropriate response
Never talk to her again
This one hurts me most because I legitimately became a huge dick to someone who was nothing but nice to me. I mean, she had a legitimate excuse for not getting back to me, but I took it as a rejection, and I obviously did not take rejection maturely. I was such a little bitch, goddamn, I was embarrassing.
It's not even the fact that she probably would had said yes if I asked her at a more convenient time instead of being a dick that hurts me. Just the fact that I was an asshole to a sincerely nice person. She probably wouldn't had ended up being my type, I just got caught up in the prospect that somebody actually liked me, and then got sour when things didn't 100% go my way.
I definitely do not have a nice physique, especially these days, since I've gained weight (I've literally been going entire days of eating only candy and pastries recently).
I'm skinnyfat, but I was cursed with feminine proportions, so I've got large hips and thighs. I'm pretty gross right now and I'm regretting the fact that all of my pants are skinnyjeans.
Perhaps your dubs speak truth.
I've been too swamped with work and school to go to the gym recently, but as soon as the semester is over, I think I'm going to try to drop the weight I put on.