I'll drop my situation under the guise of anonymity for comments, and welcome others to do likewise here.
As some background, I'm in a semi-LDR, and get to see her about one weekend a month during the schoolyear.
Last night, I was on the phone with my GF, and we were both working on things while we talked. By the time I'd finished working, she seemed rather peeved that I wasn't as able to keep track of everything she said, as I'd been focussed on crunching numbers.
I picked up on this, finished working, and tried turning my full attention to her. She explained she was working on some poetry (a hobby of hers), and I said she should let me read what she'd written. She said she didn't want to, but proceeded to post it on her tumblr. I knew it'd be there, and went to read it.
Aaaaand then she gets pissed, saying I invaded her privacy. I don't quite understand why she would blame me for invading anything meant to be read by anyone, even if she'd asked me not to read it.
Upon texting her tonight, she says that I need to understand what it means to respect privacy. I apologized a thousand times for reading something she didn't want me to read, but am I in the wrong for believing I couldn't have invaded something literally anyone could have looked at? She has a tendency to overreact when something else stressful is going on, though I don't think her school or work-life is particularly intense as of now.
What can I do to mend this gap of understanding on both sides? I've tried explaining myself and asking her to take the internet's lack of privacy into account, but at this point, she's just shut me out, saying she needs time.
>if you are reading this, please don't be mad, it's just as private as you made your poem.
She wants the attention because she's brat. If she really didn't want you to read she wouldn't have put it on her tumblr.
She's just inciting argument for the sake of arguing. She's also manipulative and actively wants you to feel guilty/bad so she can have some sense of, I want to say authority but I can't think of the word I want.
My advice: If you haven't known this girl for very long, you should consider calling it quits. She will only get more toxic.
We've been dating for 2 years. I can call her out on her bullshit when I'm there with her, but it's significantly harder while she's away. I think i get what you're saying, like she wants me to owe her something, or use this as a scapegoat for her being unhappy, right?
She's too timid to let another guy do anything. She really doesn't like sex, bordering on asexual (which Im alright with, really don't have a drive for it, but will do it if she seems to be offering), so I rather doubt she's after another d. I'd honestly think she'd be smarter and be able to build a better excuse than reading a poem if she wanted to break it off. This was really just out of the blue.
>I think i get what you're saying, like she wants me to owe her something, or use this as a scapegoat for her being unhappy, right?
Yes, however her being unhappy isn't limited to inner-relationship events. Or she's just crazy and wants to see you squirm. I have more experience with the latter.
Think it depends. Does she know you know about her tumblr and how easy does she give it out to people?
If she keeps her tumblr totally anonymous I can understand but you should tell her, why she values the opinions or cares to show other rando's on the internet but not you?
Tell her to answer that question.
Coming from someone who doesn't use tumblr at all it sounds like she is overreacting a lot because why the fuck put something on the internet if you wanted it private.
So, how do I explain that she is overreacting in a way that makes me seem the least critical? If i text "I read a goddamn poem. I'm sorry." that would sound pretty sarcastic, but it pretty much covers what i feel i should say.
How do I counter?
She has Personal information on the page, and links to it from a blog about her personal life, so other friends besides me could see it if they wanted. With tumblr, as long as you know what the url handle is, literally anyone can view it without special security measures, which she did not have in place.
I asked her that question which you posed, and she deflected saying she's just mad that I didn't respect her boundaries, regardless of how available the information was, which I pointed out as rediculous, and she called me insensitive.
I'm tempted to post our convo to give better background. Think that would help judge the situation? I'm leaving out all personal information, so this can't get tied back to her or I.
I'm telling you man, she's arguing for the sake of arguing. She WANTS to be mad. Ignore her for the time being, trivialize her and stupidity if you want (which I strongly recommend), but the best you can do now is not feed her anger.
Brats will be brats, treat her like a child and make it known. A little side note, her lack of sexual interest is worrying, she's either lying or she'll eventually seek out other means for satiating those urges.
Here's the conversation.
If i wanted to cheat on her, I wouldn't hesitate. It would destroy her. She has an overly-inflated sense of entitlement to worship and control, which both I and her parents, who are the most lovely individuals, are usually good at keeping in check. I blame this on her going to a liberal arts college in which the feminist propaganda runs strong. I know I have better options out there, and I'm capable of finding someone better to be with, but I choose to stay. I'm kind of a masochist that way. I really do love her when she isn't like this, and she's probably just having a bout of overreaction. I just care too much and am in too deep to want to leave.