So I've offered some advice here and there on this board, and a few friends suggested I do this as an exercise. I've been enjoying helping people out with their issues and the good responses I've received for them. So let me give you a little background
I'm a 24 year old who's had a few privileges in his life, having been able to travel the world and see various countries, mix and communicate with many different people, become familiar with business, entertainment and other industries since I was younger and having parents that pretty much would go to the ends of the earth to ensure I had the best possible future. I was homeschooled for a few years because we traveled so much that it didn't make sense, and I probably wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't been.
I'm currently a self sustaining person who's still figuring certain things out in his own life, and would identify myself as an outgoing introvert. I'm very much a solitary person that does enjoy good company whom I can have meaningful or stimulating conversations with. I've had 3 serious relationships, dealt with all kinds of relationship issues (my very first was probably one of the best horrific training exercises you could never wish on anyone), but everyone has some. That experience, I will go into if anyone's curious, but the point is I feel a lot don't learn major lessons from these experiences, and make the same mistakes. I've always enjoyed and felt I had a knack for helping people see things clearly. I'm pretty much all of my friends' personal therapists and cheerleader.
I wanted to dedicate this thread to helping people with any interpersonal issues they're facing. Relationships, friendships, your emotional/physical well being, maybe something is difficult in your life currently. Whatever is on your mind, ask. I will do my best to give the most objective viewpoint I can on the subject.
I hope I can help
Fuck, I'll give it a shot. Story time.
So, I have this friend right. We met at work and quickly hit it off. I decided after a few days to ask her out. She said she had a boyfriend, but that we could remain friends. I agreed, because I liked to talk to her and hang out, etc. I didn't realize that I'd get a huge crush on her and start acting all, well, creepy. I knew I was being stupid about it, but I couldn't help myself. I'd text her all the time. I was angry and dissapointed in myself. It sent me into a tailspin of depression, almost leading to suicide. I'm currently coming out of it though.
I think I'm over my crush, but the damage has been done. We still hang out (weekly DnD with friends), but I feel like she is avoiding me. It makes me sad because I genuinely want to be her friend. I've tried apologizing, but it doesn't seem to help. I figured I just give her her space and wait.
Should I try a more active approach? Should I just drop her entirely? I'm not sure if I'm going about this the best way.
What is the best way to find a quality gf? 1 that isn't a sloot and will stay with me for many years to come.
2. How does 1 overcome anxiety and develop confidence?
Thanks in advance
Well, it started with a girl I had met by chance in a chatroom on Stickam. I would sometimes in my free time troll the chats there when I wasn't in class in college (this was 2009). This girl was actually very cute and I thought she was attractive, but I mainly did this kind of thing because of the reaction I'd get.
She didn't get upset, in fact she thought it was funny. A bunch of people were flirting with her and trying to get more contact info and I was there to make fun of her. So, I guess in some weird cosmic way, that made me attractive. I would wear a mask and do stupid stuff on camera, it wasn't until she saw my face that she really started showing interest in me.
So fast forward a year and a bit, I've been carrying on a "pseudo-relationship" with this girl via Skype. I graduate university in September of 2010, and we both really want to meet. We'd done "stuff" on camera together and would talk pretty much every single day on Skype or some other level of communication. She flies out to me a week before Christmas, and we make love the first night after picking her up from the airport and going out to a fancy dinner together.
She stays the next 4 weeks with me, from what was originally going to be a 2 week excursion. We didn't want to leave each other. It was a "honeymoon" period we had been building up to. I remember the feelings I had at those moments, and how care-free, naive and happy I was. We'd spend some days just sitting around naked, playing video games, watching movies, she'd cook me things wearing nothing but an apron in the kitchen. She was gorgeous. Slender, average height, brunette with long flowing hair, literal perfect body. I thought I had hit the jackpot on my first, real girlfriend.
What transpired and developed, and that she couldn't hide very well in the coming months, was her mental instability.
We make the effort to see each other every few weeks/months. She was in Missouri, myself in Florida. So distance was an issue. Money, however, was not. The second time I saw her, I visited her home this time. This experience became scary. I saw her get irrationally emotional about various supressed things I didn't know about. I met her family, and then I saw her interact with her family.
There were warning signs that I dismissed, in my naiveté and head-over-heels attitude toward having a girl that, in my eyes, was seemingly perfect (for me at that point in time). She would get snippy, or triggered and upset by some of the strangest things. One night we were sleeping together in bed, I, in my sleep, pushed her away from me. Me, not knowing or being aware of this at the time (because I was well, asleep), must have done this because I was hot. I hear rustling and awaken to see her fully dressed, sitting in a chair, glaring at me angrily. I'm still half asleep and I utter "Hun why aren't you in bed with me?". She then is almost on the verge of tears, yet angry in her tone saying "You pushed me away from you, why don't you want me near you?". I'm like "What? Hun I'm asleep, how could I possibly remember pushing you? It wasn't intentional obviously". She then comes back over when I ask her to come here, and hold her. I tell her get undressed and back into bed, and sort of dismissed it.
Let's fast forward a bit here for contrasting. She stayed with me through the summer of 2011 (arrived May and left late August), almost like a live in situation. She had no obligations at home and nothing to fulfill so it was doable. This was probably one of the best and worst things I've ever done in my life.
This is where the story gets a little hazy, because I suppressed a lot of this stuff. It was just too much. She became isolating, manipulative, horrifying. She was guilting me for wanting to see family or friends. I witnessed her have weird crying fits. She'd suddenly get really horny and wouldn't stop until I would finish inside of her, digging her nails into me.
People and others around me saw the toll it was taking on me on the surface, they had no idea how crazy she actually was. I started looking up and reading about various behavioral patterns of hers. By the end of the summer I became so distraught and desperate with how terrorized and afraid I felt of her, I made a thread on 4chan. I described her behavior, what I'd been through, what it was like, how I felt trapped, alone, afraid, really scared and having no idea what to do.
The first response came only minutes later, describing to me to look up Borderline-Personality Disorder or more commonly known as BPD. They provided many helpful links, and told me stay strong, and that you have to get out of this or it will destroy your life. How right they were.
Every single article, every single website linked, was absolutely dedicated to this disorder and described it to a tee. It was like someone had written out my summer autobiography, it was terrifying. I was still a wuss, I didn’t break up with her, because I was “afraid” of how she’d react. I didn’t break up with her for almost another year. It took her breaking promises about getting help, lying to me about where she was going and who she was talking to, and constant “suicide” attempts to wear me down to the nubs. She was the boy that cried wolf with her pill overdosing.
It was an attention grab, one that I became numb to, which is horrifying when you think about it. I remember at one point, when she said “It’s all your fault I’m doing this”, that I just didn’t care. I didn’t care if she offed herself, it was almost like freedom at that point. Freedom from her terror. I remember when she was admitted to an in-patient facility after one of her failed (but more severe) suicide attempts. Calling me, crying and begging, pleading not to break up with her, not now, not then, it could be more than she could bear. At this point, I was so worn down emotionally, so removed from reality, I didn’t know how to handle any of this. This was never anything I had experienced or been knowledgeable in.
She was formally diagnosed with BPD almost a year after I had diagnosed her myself. With a few trips having been made between the previous summer and August of 2012, the last time I ever saw her was when I made one final trip, almost as “confirmation” for me to find out the remaining answers of where I stood in all of this. What she was really doing behind my back.
If you’ve ever dealt with anyone that has BPD, it’s probably been a woman, and it’s also soul shattering if you had been involved romantically. This girl, I found out, had been talking to 50+ guys on various different messenger services. Flirting, sending pictures (explicit), talking about very personal, intimate details about herself and basically leading all of them on and teasing them. I caught her lying about going to a place for the day when she was really meeting up with some guy that took a train from Illinois to spend the afternoon with her. I caught her red handed because of what was on her computer, on her phone. I needed to know, I needed to know exactly what she was doing because she would take my things and go through them, claiming I’m cheating on her, I’m doing things I shouldn’t be behind her back.
In fact, anecdotally to that, I almost gave up the majority of my outside contact. I lost some friends because of her. My family were worried for me. There was no way I could have been doing anything, nor was that something in my nature. I’ll never forget the time we had gone to Disney World (her family came down and visited) earlier in the summer of 2012 and I went with her and her sister to the Magic Kingdom for the day. We dropped her sis off in the evening and went back to my place. My girlfriend falls asleep in the passenger seat, and the phone buzzes. I pick it up thinking it’s mine and someone’s texting me. The text says “Hey sexy, I haven’t heard from you in a while, how you been baby?” with a smiley emote.
I remember feeling sick. I remember feeling angry. I pulled the car over, got out, and took the phone with me. I unlocked it and started going through these texts. Dozens, hundreds. She had been using other texting services instead of the one that’s standard on the phone to hide her activities. I screamed. I screamed so loud you could hear it for miles. We were near the beach. She stirred from her sleep in the car and saw me standing outside the vehicle looking at the water. She gets out and says “Whats wrong?”. Tears rolling down my face, I yell at her “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? This, this is what’s fucking wrong” shoving the phone in her face with the texts pulled up. I thought today maybe would have been finally a normal day for once, we had a nice day out, at a theme park. And it was capped and ruined with this.
There’s probably so much I’m forgetting and it’s because I don’t want to remember anymore. I just know how I felt during this period when everything went wrong, how hopeless, pathetic, afraid and alone I felt, and constantly anxious. And when I got out, I realized if I survived this, there isn’t anything life couldn’t throw at me that would stop me. This probably only scratched the surface of how severe the mental anguish was as a result of her. I wasn’t the only one she affected, it was everyone in her life. I’ve changed a lot since I cut thing off with her, and I don’t hold any animosity toward the experience. I think it made me realize how great life is, and how much exciting stuff I have going for me in my life and career, and how good my friends are. I bounced back when the majority who deal with someone with BPD don’t and never do. I still feel moments of PTSD as a result of it, which I only found out was a symptom of dealing with someone with BPD.
But it changed me for the better, I’m alpha as fuck now and don’t take any shit from anyone. And people respect that. I command large crews of people on film shoots across the country (soon world) and I’m respected because I treat every single person with respect, and they see it. It made me a much stronger, more forceful personality, and it’s attracted a lot of people to me as a result. I guess I have her to thank for that. If there’s questions you have about the story, I’ll happily go into more detail and try to recall other parts of it as best I can
Hey sorry, took a dinner break and started writing responses and accidentally clicked back and undid all my writing. Had to rewrite all of this.
Well, the real question I guess is, how much time has passed between you "apologizing" and when you started hanging out with friends? The thing is, don't "try" too hard. She already as you described seems weirded out by the whole thing, so space would probably be the best thing at the moment. There is nothing more unattractive as neediness to a woman (unless you're already in a relationship and it's somewhat controlled).
Don't actively pursue her or try to start convos, just be a part of the conversation with friends, jump in and talk when there's something to say. Reduce how often you reach out to her for the time being, especially if things are still on weird terms. The main thing that would help is again, knowing the time frame all of this has transpired. That would help me get a better gauge of the situation to help you out.
1. Well, there's honestly no secret to it. It's just about luck, but there are certain ways to go about helping your odds. Out of my major relationships, 2 were not sluts. The one I met through a mutual friend going out one evening for a movie and dinner. The other I met through online dating.
I find that being around groups of people you share common interests in and can first develop friendships with are the best ways to find people worthwhile honestly. That's the easiest way to date and mingle and meet with as little pressure as possible. You get to know people quite well before ever "dating" them that way. If you like someone, suggest going out with them one on one, if they say is this a date tell em straight, yeah it is.
2. If you read the above story I posted, overcoming anxiety and building up my self confidence was a huge part overcoming the scars left behind. What I'd suggest is the following, and it's somewhat considered a cliche.
Go get a notebook. Get a pen, start writing your skills. What are you good at. What are things you enjoy, what are hobbies you like; then go in depth about each of those things and why you're good at them, why you like them. Find out how you can expand on them.
Then, new page. Write what you'd like to do. What things you'd like to change, maybe about yourself, your lifestyle, your body, whatever it is. Set goals. Build yourself up by following through with goals. Start making weekly goals for yourself, and daily ones too. You'd be surprised how much of this sort of thing is about introspection and relying solely on yourself, not what others think. You need to learn to love yourself first before you can be confident and not worry about anything. Confidence is merely getting to the point where you don't give a damn but you're happy. Happiness comes from within, you need to determine for yourself what makes you happy really.
I'll try to give the best estimates I can, my time frame is a little screwy.
It would be about 8-9 months when I met her, maybe. About a three weeks after we met I asked her out. two weeks after I asked her out I started crushing on her. Then between two and four months of depressed creeper mode, off and on. It gradually got worse and worse. During moments of clarity, I would try to apologize and explain things, only to go right back to the same thing. It took another two months for me to start to get over both my depression and crush, during which I barely spoke to her. During this, we are both at DnD every week (mostly). I apologized about 2 months ago.
Now, the weird thing is how she responded. If she was upset, she didn't let it show. She constantly told me that I wasn't acting creepy, even though I was sure I was way out of line. Even her boyfriend was strangely cool about the whole thing, maybe because it showed that I was actively trying to resist it. Or maybe it really wasn't as bad as I thought, IDK. I'm really surprised that she didn't just tell me to get out of her life.
I've basically been doing exactly what you described since I apologized. Just sort of being there and only speaking here and there. She gets really silent when I try to speak to her so I don't do so very often.
Some days I think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Some days I'm sure I messed up pretty bad. I don't really know to be honest.
I like to think that I can read people pretty well and figure out how they feel, but I've never been able to do that with her. I can't even understand why she never told me to fuck off.
It sounds to me like you're overthinking and overanalyzing a lot about this whole situation. What do you mean by her getting "really silent"? Are you sure you're just not over-thinking things? She might just be attentive and you just a bit self conscious because you don't quite sound completely over the whole emotion of it.
If she expressed she's been okay with your behavior and even the BF is cool, wutcha worried about? Play it by ear, keep just being laid back and cool about it and let time heal the wounds.
Look, I know how you feel hung up on this girl because you like her and it's hard because she has a BF. It sounds to me like you're just upset that she ended up being so cool and you hadn't found someone you had this much in common with, so you panicked thinking this was your only shot.
I guarantee there's plenty of chicks out there with similar, if not the same kinds of interests as you that are going to come into your life. I mean, who knows, she might break up with her BF and you could eventually have an in (just don't count on that for the time being).
If she hasn't told you to bugger off, then stop worrying. But don't overthink this anymore. Just continue about your life. You don't have any possibility of "getting with" her right now so what are you worried about? Have fun and be cool about it, there's nothing to figure out here. Treat her like you treat your friends!
I feel like I already knew that. Mountain out of molehills...god I'm stupid.
Thank you. Hearing it from someone else makes me feel a lot better about it.
Old Soul, I'm 21, preparing to get out of college next year, and I feel like I've done nothing with my life. All I have is school, school, and that's it.
I've tried to write professionally and develop my skills, but it feels like I have no skills or hobbies outside of school. And it feels like I've got no time left before the real-world hits and I have no time at all.
Is it a time management thing? Or am I just overestimating how little time I have left?
How do I get over my insecurity about my small penis? When I'm erect I'm about 5 inches, but its minisucle when I'm soft, and women laugh at it a lot. I'm not even very good with it, and I've never particularly enjoyed sex because when they removed my foreskin they fucked up, I barely have any sensation in my penis. I really only have sex because you have to do it to have a relationship, but now I'm so self conscious about my dick that I'm afraid to show it to women, which leads me to not getting the intimacy I want.
You know, when I was in college, that's all I felt I had too. I had a very intense degree though, it was a 4 year degree condensed into 2 and a half, so imagine having class 5-6 days a week, much longer lectures and labs, and having classes at all hours of the day, sometimes at 1 in the morning going until 5am. This was to mimic the kind of work atmosphere I'd be experiencing as well (I work in film). My free time consisted of sleeping, working on projects/homework, and a little bit of free time to hang with people.
What that experience taught me above all else was, as you've mentioned, time management. I was a bit younger than you during this time (ages 18 through 20 during my degree) and it quickly put into perspective just HOW precious your time is that you spend focusing on things that matter.
You have to ask yourself what you see/define as important. I can tell you right now, if someone is telling you they have everything worked out at your age, they're lying. Or, they've got rich parents who have them set. My parents are very well off, but I didn't expect a handout, nor did I want that, I wanted to achieve something for myself and have something of value to engage in. You have to put yourself in the mindset that there is no time like the present, and it's not "too late" to take up new hobbies, develop new skills and find new things to do outside of school. You're 21. You're so young you have no idea. Your life has even begun yet, and it won't even for a while after you graduate.
Tell me, you say you have "tried to write professionally". What draws you to writing? What kinds of things have you written? Are you not feeling fulfilled by it?
I think the main issue I see here is that you've convinced yourself of several things that may or may not neccesarily be true.
I don't want to cross examine you but, you say women laugh a lot? How many women have you been with? How often does this happen? How many of the women have you been with "laughed" at it?
I think one of the problems here is the quality of the women you're with. You have to take a step back and think for a minute what kind of person laughs at something you have no control over, namely, the size of one's penis. Not a very mature, or smart person.
I'm really curious as to how you've come across these women honestly. If you're picking up sluts at the club, then maybe I could see that. Those are people who aren't relationship material because they're short sighted, into the whole "omg hes hawt i wonder how big his dick is" mentality. Used up and worthless by their mid-late twenties. So if that's the case, go find a better quality of people. If it's not, please correct me and elaborate.
Secondly, I've only ever been circumcised so I can't really speak for the "difference" you may be experiencing, what exactly happened when they operated? Was it one of those emergency operations where the foreskin was stuck/tearing?
Continued from >>15630304
Look, it sounds like you're in a bit of a vicious cycle of self-consciousness about the whole thing. 5 inches isn't "small". It's right around average. You say you're "not very good with it", but really, what is there to it? Based on your other accounts of women, it sounds like it may not be you but the people you're with judging you based on ridiculous (potentially slutty) standards. As I've said before, I would suggest finding a better quality of person to get involved with to see if things change/improve, because really, who the hell laughs at someone's penis? Women are WAY more insecure about their bodies and fixating on everything than men. All I can suggest is accept yourself for who you are, embrace and love it, because honestly, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't convince yourself that there is, some things are out of our control.
I have somewhat of a deformity with my chest (a bit of a sunken chest) and it made me very insecure to show my body off to women thinking they'd think I was a freak or they'd leave me because I didn't look like guys on magazine covers. EVERY single women I've ever been with didn't care, in fact they don't even really notice it. They loved me for exactly the way I was and they didn't want me to change it or get it "fixed".
You have to get in the mindset that you don't have any real reason to be worried, and if someone rejects on the basis of the size of your penis, is that someone you really would want to have anything to do with in the first place? I mean really, who wants to win the approval of someone that shallow?
Why would people ignore me ?
I get ignored by people a lot. I started with my group of friends, who progressively stopped sending messages. At that time, I was going through a break up and they didn't do shit for me since the girl I was dating was a friend of them too (besides calling her a slut).
We stopped talking and the last time I hung out with one of them was 6 months ago.
I'm pretty friendless but I don't think I look desperate. I know it's shit but I try to be friendly with other people as much as I can.
In college, I'm really lonely. Know only a few people, and most of them don't say hi to me when they're with their group of friends even if I do it first.
Even with people I don't know it's the same thing. For instance, yesterday I was exiting the library and in front of me there was a guy I share a few classes with. He saw me and as we were both leaving the place, we shut the door on me instead of holding it.
Also when I asked a girl I talked to a few times before class if she could watch my stuff a few seconds, she didn't even looked at me and left a few minutes after.
I don't get it. I don't feel like I'm monstrous or look like a serial killer. I haven't done nothing to these people but yet they seem to have an issue with me. Or maybe it is just me who's going mental ?
It's all about perspective. You're going through a potential small bout of loneliness/MAYBE mild depression after the breakup.
I literally just broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago, and my biggest worry wasn't so much ending it as it was losing the potential group of friends I made as a result of her, and them taking sides. To my surprise, they didn't run away. In fact they reached out and said they're still my friend and always here for me, and they care about both me and my girlfriend, no matter what happens.
I think that's something good to take away from it. If these people that were your supposed "friends" stop talking to you because of this break up, they weren't really your friends. People that matter will be there for you in your time of need. Surely you have some people to talk to, even family?
Loneliness is a state of mind. I find that after real emotional shocks like this, engaging your mind in a constructive or thought provoking activity that stimulates your brain is the best way to get your mind off of it and move on. Everyone has to deal with the "restart" button a few times in their lives after situations like these.
Continued from >>15630380
I had to do it twice with two previous relationships. You're in college right? Aren't there groups you can join? Find people with similar interests to spend your time with when you're free, and you'll get over this before you know it. Find a nice group of people who are accepting and want to include like minded people.
The fact of the matter is, most people don't care about others on a day to day basis, they're too caught up in their own world thinking the same sorts of things you are. Take girls for instance, thinking "oh my god why dont i have any friends why are all other girls prettier than me why cant i fit in why cant i be just a little thin why cant i this that" etc etc. All you have to do is look around at how insecure we've made everyone as a result of a longing desire to feel "special" when getting dozens of likes from complete strangers for posting a selfie on Instagram. Talk about trying to stay relevant...
You should try focusing on cultivating QUALITY relationships with people too, and not worrying about the quantity. Really you should just keep living your life and doing the important stuff you need to be taking care of, and start engaging in some hobbies and maybe group activities with people sharing similar interests. I think a lot of this might be in your head :)
I'm very, very scared of relationships. I have been hurt time and time again. Everything I ever thought love was happens to be a delusion. It's gotten to the point where I can't enter a relationship because I'm just thinking "Yeah, let's see how long it takes for this one to cheat on me or leave me for someone else".
And then there's people here and there saying that cheating is okay, that I should get over it... Like I said, everything I thought love was has been shattered. What do?
I know exactly where you're coming from, because I've wrestled with the same thoughts. It solution starts with the following. What kind of people have you been seeing? What are their values, their morals? Secondly, what are your standards? What are absolute deal-breakers in an intimate relationship, that under no circumstances, you will ever accept because they don't meld well with your ideals?
I was cheated on. In the story I posted earlier in the thread, it made me feel insecure and that, maybe, this was all there was out there. So I was avoiding hurting myself by staying if others were just going to do the same. Wrong mindset completely
So let me stop you there. You need to take a step back from where you are right now, and think about the situations you've been in and the people you've been with. Who were they, personality wise, what things were priorities/important to them (drinking/partying etc), what was their family/home life like, and what were they doing with their lives?
I ask you to ask yourself all of this because it helps put in perspective what you're dealing with. Low quality people with issues in any of the above areas listed use those problems as a means of justifying their behavior.
A good person raised with good morals and values doesn't cheat on principle, no matter how badly they may want to if the situation is bad. I didn't cheat on any of my exes, if I didn't like things I ended them (not before at least trying to resolve them for a while). Don't listen to assholes on this board about cheating being okay. It's 4chan, there's going to be people like that. Think about the kind of person that cheats, that has complete disregard for another person's emotions and feelings that they're "supposedly" exclusive to; you have to be screwed up one way or another.
Could you describe the situations you're telling me about, the times you thought something was love when it was a delusion? This isn't something that should happen many times.
Well, I'm the kind of person who doesn't see shades of gray, an action is either black or white, right or wrong.
I have been cheated on, and then left for someone else twice. It's not that I fail to see that I might be flawed, but I can honestly say I gave all my relationships my all, I used to start a relationship hoping it would be the last. I used to think that love was unconditional, that you were supposed to fight for a relationship if things weren't going right. I stand corrected.
It seems as if relationships are disposable nowadays, and I feel that no one can move out just a little bit of their comfort zone, I feel that everyone is very selfish when it comes to feelings.
I seriously would like to be proven wrong, seriously, nothing would make me happier than to be proven wrong.
Well, two things. I had the BPD ex use the "I thought love was uncondtional" line on me after cheating on me. I learned from that experience, it is not.
Do not forget what I'm about to tell you. "Love" is only possible when it is established and built upon a mutual foundation of trust and respect. It is not a tug of war, and it is never supposed to be fighting for dominance. Yes, if there are issues in the relationship but the pros outweigh the cons, things should be corrected between both parties and a good resolution is found that helps everyone.
HOWEVER, your post still doesn't describe to me what exactly happened, but rather, you've been left twice. Look, nobody in their right mind enters a relationship hoping for it to be anything other than a success. This doesn't justify someone cheating on someone if they're not happy.
Again, it sounds like you're mixing with the wrong kind of people if they're willing to cheat instead of work out problems. How old are you? How old were they? There's too many variables here, I need more information like all the questions I've asked in this post and previous ones to give you a better answer.
>Tell me, you say you have "tried to write professionally". What draws you to writing? What kinds of things have you written? Are you not feeling fulfilled by it?
I mostly do it as a way to get out of what I do for my schoolwork, which is all 'science' stuff, and it's all numbers and facts, and that sort of thing. And the problem-solving is nice and all, but the creativity and personalization? Not there at all.
But I write short-stories, and right now I'm working on an essay to submit to a magazine. I'd like to write professionally, but I'm going to college. It's not a lack of fulfillment from the writing, I just feel like I haven't accomplished anything while writing. Its been a few years since I started, and none of my stories have been accepted yet.
It's more a matter of my schoolwork seems unfulfilling, and something that I've been trying to get good at (writing) hasn't been showing much progress. So my problem I guess is more of a fear that I'm spending all this time and I may get nothing out of it.
I feel like my grief reaction is really unhealthy, and it's getting worse instead of better. My best friend killed himself about eight months ago. At first I really tried to approach things pragmatically; I worked really hard and didn't have much of (possibly suppressed) an emotional response to it.
I moved for a new job in January to a place where I don't know anyone, so I have way too much time for introspection. It is making me miss him more now than ever.
Our camaraderie really made me who I am today, but you can't really lead a conversation with new people with "my friend died and I'm really hurting", you know? But everything reminds me of him – music, intimacy, intelligence – and it's conflicting.
I just don't love that I meet new people and hide all of this and they still tell me that I seem "broken" or whatever platitude is the flavor of the day.
I guess I am having trouble balancing out, and wanted to know your experience with grief over time, and how best to interface with others while working things out for myself.
Well what do you define as progress? You don't become the greatest writer that ever lived overnight. Rome wasn't built in a day. I've spent years getting better at writing and learning from great authors. I didn't get to where I am today without practice.
Being "accepted" by your peers or teachers isn't necessarily a good thing or something you should worry about when it comes to justifying what you enjoy. Writing and storytelling is subjective. As long as you develop how to use language well to describe a world, you can't be called talentless.
Start branching out, start making time for new hobbies, different pursuits. Branch out your skills a bit, you'll find things that resonate with you and you'll have your mind at ease as a result of it.
I'm 19, just bounced out of the military and was unemployed for a while. Was playing video games and having a good time with friends and stuff. Got a job last monday, so feeling pretty good about that, so it's going good I guess. I don't know what to do with my life though, I'm thinking I should work a year and then study some form of engineering shit or something.
How do I find out what I want to do?
>I'm a 24 year old
>mfw older than old soul
I don't even know if I have a question so much as I'm just venting. I used to think r9k was full of shit with their whole "bitches and whores" thing but lately it feels different. I was less bitter and jaded when I was a virgin. First there was a girl who was the first girl I'd done anything sexual with. Then shit just went south. It became incredibly obvious she was just using me because I reminded of her ex and complimented her, after I told her I wanted a relationship she gave me the whole "eh I don't see us being a thing ever happening" and then spent a week fucking some dude 20 years older than her and then pissed and moaned to me about him not wanting her and how she'd quit her job, drop out of school, and do anything for him if he wanted her. This being a guy who was 20+ years older, a drug addict, and was making fun of her behind her back the whole time she was pining for him, and now she has a boyfriend and still fucking hits me up for compliments by sending nudes my way or flirting. I'm not gonna lie, I fell so hard for this girl but now I just hate her. She disgusts me. Whatever, I thought "eh. it's one girl, buck up and try again sport" but it's not. Only girl I know in real life who is after me has a boyfriend, so I figured I'd try online dating. Holy shit it's even worse. I know this sounds like bragging, or something I shouldn't be upset about but I try tinder and have 300 matches and the bulk want to meet up. Yet fucking again they're all turbo sluts. Half have boyfriends or "some guy I'm seeing" but still want me to fuck them. I literally just had some girl tell me she wants me to send her to her date with some guy with a stomach full of my cum. The worst is lately I've been fucking these girls solely to take my frustrations out, and I keep trying shit to piss them off but they don't. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Like everything around me just disgusts me. Most of all including myself.
money I guess, not really anything else.
I basically also live for my body now when I dont work. I basically work, work out and then sleep.
I dont do it for any specific goals though, I only do it because I like it, which somehow people have a really hard time understanding for some reason. Why would it be weird to enjoy taking care of yourself, even if that means sacrificing social shit like partying and stuff, and maybe also eating all those gooey ooey pizzas and shit.
Whatever, I think I just want to be rich or something because it feels like money is the only thing missing in my life somehow. Also if I had like 50 million dollars I could just sit on my ass, play computer in a fancy house with my friends and work out when I want. Dunno, maybe it is shallow or something but I feel like I'm missing something.
I really like this one girl. Problem is she lives far from me and I don't drive. I don't know how to ask her out or anything because of the distance. We go to school together but schools about to end and she's graduating while I'm not. I don't know what to do but I really want to be with her but don't know how. I've never had a gf before but I'm not awkward around women but for the most part I do drunken hookups. This girl is different and I don't know how to proceed.
I don't know what to do. I can't deal with this feeling. It's at a point where my head just hurts constantly, I have this constant nausea, and I want to scream at myself or someone. What pisses me off most is, no matter how many girls I fuck or (try to) treat like shit, I can't get the first out of my head. How in the hell am I still just some faggot who can't get over a girl? I genuinely hate her, I'm not making that up. But still she's in my head and it's her shadow is there with every other girl. The whole reason I even started tinder and shit was because she tried it and told me about her success so I figured I could match her. I hate to admit it, but I think part of all of it is a thought in the back of my head. Way in the back I feel like if I can just match her, if I can just be a real "man", then I can win her. Which is stupid. She's a shitty person, I don't even talk to her anymore, she won't want me, etc. But still. Another part was I thought it would help me get over her, but instead it's just making me kind of hate women. No less then I hate myself though. I don't even feel like I'm me anymore. The only person who gives me any semblance of hope not everyone sucks is a friend of mine. But lately I can't help but look at her in a hateful way too.
>adv thread from some 24yo who thinks he has valuable advice to offer
>click reply to read
>80% of the posts are from OP
I have posted already in this thread. I'm this guy: >>15630390
You have no idea how I can relate to you. This is exactly what I meant when I said that everything I ever thought love was, was a delusion.