I really like my boyfriend and we get along really well and I think our relationship could become pretty serious. Something he said though is bugging me He has a twin brother and yesterday we were driving and he said he thinks his he could never have a closer relationship with anyone than he has with his twin, not even his future wife or his soulmate. If he had to choose between his wife or his twin he would pick his wife though but only because he thinks it's what his twin would "want him to do". No matter how close he got to anyone, even the love of his life, he says he could never be closer to them than he is with his twin. This is kind of a big deal to me because I'm not living for much right now. Literally just living for anime and to find the love of my life. I want someone who loves me more than anything and I am the center of their world, and they are the center of mine. I want to be closest to them and them to be closest to me, and to grow old together and love eachother more than anything. For him to have someone he will always be closer to, even if he finds his soulmate is a weird thought to me. I don't know how I feel about this and I don't really like it. I don't want to fall in love with someone and them to be everything to me and the closest person to me, but me to never be able to be the closest to them or everything to them no matter what I do or how close we get... What do you think anons, what would you think in this situation and how would you go about this considering the relationship could get pretty serious? Thank you for any help.
Seeing her smiling feels like being stabbed to the heart. She is so beautiful. I still fucking love her. Why can't I get over her?????.. Why does it still fucking hurt? I haven't seen her IRL in months, and I don't think about her anymore that way, but just seeing a new picture of her on FB or IG always gets a tear in my eye. She is so beautiful. And I had her. But I got comfortable and fucked it.
Before my ex I was a total loser. she dumped me over a year ago. Started to practice the guitar, went to the gym and rugby training, got a job, entered college, quit the cigarretes and got involved with a couple girls.
Thing is I still feel like a loser, have anger issues and can't stand social events without getting anxious.
>>16360004 Proving him wrong would involve us falling in love and me getting even more attached to him and then if I failed I would have my heart broken. Trying to prove him wrong could end really badly. He has even fallen in love with someone before but was still closer to his brother. I just think trying to prove him wrong without thinking of other options or ways to look at this could end really badly. Thank you though anon
I've been dating this girl for a month. A few days back we were doing our flirty thing alone together, when suddenly we ran into the "what are we"-talk. >what do you think we are, Anon? >(teasing smile) what do you think I think we are? >(laughter) I don't know! >(more laughter) me neither, but I like whatever it is I fwubbed it. All I had to do was be honest, but instead I gave an unserious non-answer. I don't want to lead her on, but want her to know how I really feel. I see her as a girlfriend, and I want her to see me as a boyfriend.
>Go on POF >Tanking pretty hard >Link pops up "Take our silly stupid test!" >I love stupid tests >First question: Imagine someone is flirting with you >Realize that no one has ever flirted with me in my entire life >Realize I can't do this test >Realize I'm a piece of shit
>>16360192 >The fact that you need someone to make you the center of their universe speaks volumes about your ability to have a lasting relationship. I meant eventually. Like after being together for years and getting married. Not at the point we are at right now but down the line. That is not an unfair thing to want eventually if I would think of him the same way and want someone to love me as much as I love them. To be closer to someone than a person you are in love with seems weird to me. I want me and someone I'm in love with to have a super close bond. Also I have been in a 4 year relationship... I can hold a relationship perfectly fine. That is a silly assumption to make without knowing anything about someone's past relationships. >That's a level of intimacy that is unattainable for anyone outside of that bond. I get that it is a different kind of bond, but if you have a bond that close why not just marry your brother at that point? If you will never be that close with anyone else?
Why is it that every goddamn time I think I'm finally over the hormonal frustration/depression of being a 27/m virgin who has no chance at all with women, I somehow end up running into situations where there are cute women wearing kinky outfits to turn their boyfriends on and attract guys they're into, and the misery/jealousy/fap addiction starts anew.
>pay 400 $ out of pocket to live in a closet at my mothers apartment because I don't know how to move out on my own and nobody else pays bills so she needs me. >only make exactly that much so i don't get to save diddly squat >both of my older brothers are insane, one of them is a narcissistic ex con who's always lying to get his way and the other is a fucking schizo who overreacts to everything and wont leave me alone even if he talks for 3 hours straight and I agree with everything he says >don't have any friends or other family members that will take me in even if i spare some money >literally wondering what the fuck do i leave because i get chased out of the house regularly and can never get comfortable here
I keep having a recurring dream where I have to go back to New Zealand. I was there for a year and left. This doesn't bother me, but whenever I think of this I always think of my ex. I'm totally over her, but the fact that she's still in my fucking dreams bothers me, yet I don't really know why.
I'm such a happy person most of the time but sometimes shit really hits me hard. and then i feel guilty because what have I really got to complain about. I feel like I'm constantly pushing myself for a better future and never being able to enjoy the present. Nothing I've ever done and nothing I will ever do will be good enough for me to think highly of myself. I can't tell if I need to stop hating myself, or if I just need to be less shit. I'm not suicidal or anything but I really wish I didn't exist.
Q It just can't be as intense as you say it is. I'm not doubting you but I think you're mixing some internal feelings and created this idealized version of me and this relationship that realistically could never work.
Don't worry and get over it, in no time you'll see it was just a twisted fantasy that would never help you become a better individual.
You're the person I feel the closest to since we stayed up late that night and even when we argued it never changed for a moment. I don't know if this is a crush or a friendship bond, but I hope you understand why I can't be in a relationship.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck you fuck you I fucking hate you both so much. Fuck you fuck you. I know I'm a piece of shit but I deserve better than this. This is just fucked I don't even know what we are and you go pull this shit. No more putty from me bitch. No more I love you's
I guess it's on me tho. I shouldn't have go involved with you in the first place. It's happened before and has happened again. And I'm just left here feeling suicidal. I shouldn't be allowed to be near women
One year later and still obsessing over a camp counselor whose name I only accidentally found out through some online stalking. I can never add him cause he used a fake name during camp and it'd be creepy as fuck but he is my ideal and god I want him so bad.
>>16360269 >Why are you so jealous of deep bond? Because I want to have a deep bond with someone too. >Why does he have to "match" your level of intimacy? You don't want whoever you are closest to one day to feel the same way about you? >Is it that unbelievable to accept the fact that he has a unique bond with his twin? I guess it's not unbelievable but it isn't so bad for me to want a close bond with someone one day right? That is all I want in life seriously. To have a close relationship with someone and to love eachother deeply. I don't get how that is so hard to understand or how it is so unrealistic to want to find someone who loves me as much as I love them one day and for me to love someone more than anyone but for them to love someone more than me no matter what I do would hurt. That means I will never be the closest person to someone and being the closest person to someone is all I want in life.
I can't believe I bought into this stupid bullshit for so long. "I love you, I want to marry you, you're perfect, I'd do anything for you" Listening to you talk about how all you want is someone loyal and faithful. That's all I fucking was and now you leave? "Maybe I'm not -meant- to be in a relationship" then why fucking lead me on for so long? what kind of sick sadistic sack of shit does that?
That's why I can't trust anyone any fucking more. Everyone cries, 'just give me a chance! I'm loyal and kind and I'll be good to you! ' so I stick my neck out for the fucking underdog and he pisses all over my shoes anyways.
It's because you just can't be normal and come back down to earth. Even for just a moment, I would have liked that but you couldn't. I still want you but it's too much for me right now. I would have given it my all but I still saw the old you and that is something I do not want to be a part of anymore. The past is the past.
You add to people's stresses, I wanted to just be happy with you. It should be easy just smile with me one day then.
>>16358241 # I'm almost 100% positive that he talks shit about me though, plus I think he might already have a girlfriend. There's no point in pursuing him if he already has a negative opinion of me or is already in a relationship, I don't want to be a homewrecking bitch. We're two completely different people and we have totally different lives, he'll be 60 next year and I'm only 20.
I can almost guarantee with absolute certainty that it wouldn't work. He's a social butterfly and I'm an autistic (I literally have autism, I'm not using the generic insult kind of autistic), unfunny shit with no life. Even if we did start dating or whatever, he'd drop me faster than a hot potato once he realizes that there's nothing interesting or unique about me past my inability to form stable relationships. That's not even factoring in all of the family drama that would come from dating a guy more than twice my age. We'd have to switch around departments at work, which I'm sure neither of us want to do. If we did start seeing each other, we'd have to keep it under tight wraps. Even then, somebody would find out.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. It's how life is, and I have to accept it no matter how hard it is to swallow even if I don't want to. It's for the better, for both my crush and I. I don't even think he's the slightest bit interested in me, even if I want to believe that there's a chance.
I wish someone could tell me what am i doing wrong, why no one likes me. Am i an asshole? Am i boring? Am i creepy? Whatever it is it must make me an alwful person, because i dont even get to have a friend. Someone please just tell me what i have to do, i dont want to be alone anymore
When a man asks you out at all, either via text, phonecall, letter, or in person, please, never, ever ever just ignore them. At the barest minimum you must tell them that you are not interested and that further attempts to ask you out will be rebuffed. It is incredibly rude to ignore someones putting themselves out there like that, and even if they are repulsive and gross and shit they deserve to at least know you aren't interested.
>>16360749 the point of telling him is getting it all out of you. I had huge crushes on girls way out of my league, and only by stuttering like a retard and gaining such reputation I could learn to communicate with normies. putting all those failures behind, I could get in long term relationships.
if you tell him and it turns out he likes you, that doesn't mean you're going to instantly become a homewrecker. some things would have to happen, and your autism should help you to plan the where and when (and yo what extent) things can happen.
you're twenty, and saying or doing silly things makes me think of you as a total cute. and even cuter because your name is Taylor.
4chan is a bad place. I can't explain too much what happened but I just am so sick of judgement. I work hard for what I do I love it and then I'm bashed for it because I don't meet so and so standard. I'm sorry you're fucking salty because you're life was shitty and you didn't have the opportunity to be in our community as well as I am now. People need to stop being jealous bitches stop judging people they don't even know. I'm not immature.
You are literally the biggest scum of the earth. You are an overgrown kid who sits around, smokes weed/dabs all day, does drugs constantly, play your stupid PC games all day, treat your aunt whom you're leeching off of like shit, you bash all your friends & highlight their flaws, you have caused me great harm, and yet you still luck out with a rich aunt.
Guess what buddy? You're nothing. All you know how to do is do drugs, slander peoples reputations, make fun of them, call them names, and think you have no flaws at all. For the love of god your room is a giant fucking shithole with syringes all over the place, tinfoil for your heroin smoking, and all sorts of stupid shit...
I seriously want to fucking murder you and if you dare try to come after me via using your bigger friends because you're so scrawny for dropping you like a rock..I will molotov cocktail surprise your house.
You are nothing to me. You aren't even human. You are scummy leech who bad mouths everyone who helped you along the way and much more. People like you deserve to be fucking dead.
>dropped out of high school >twice >managed to get into uni >dropped out >don't have the heart to tell my family after they were so proud of me I've been going everyday an sitting in the library so they think I'm there. That or just hooning around in my car.
Ir was sad realizing how lost they truly were. They just were looking for a liferaft to grab onto. Even if they were trying to kill the only passenger in the liferaft they want to get into. They just were trying to survive in the only way they knew how; by screwing others over.
It was sad knowing that. I can't call you evil because your worst enemy is yourself. You are creating your hell on earth and you're suprised no one wants to burn with you?
I feel bad for you. You have to take care of yourself and isolate yourself. Maybe you'll face your demons too and change for the better knowing that you were responsible for the events in your life too. Being close to death is when you truly appreciate life. You are being an asshole because it's easy to sit on the sidelines and watch.
So, i like this girl, and we have a good relationship, we kiss, we hold hands, we sleep together. This went for five months, and then i decided to ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend. She says that i got everything wrong and that she is going back to her ex boyfriend. Then I realize that everytime that we were together, she was using me as a substitute for him. I really don't know what to do know. I want to be alone a little, but she says that I'm selfish, and never think about the others
>>16361410 Oh, I'm on a similar situation. Do you havê something that you can say that you are good at? Because, for example, I'm in a team to develop an app. You don't need to go to the classes to learn
>lol telling people to kill themselves anonymously is fine, it's the internet! It's not real!
I hate every single one of you faggots. Every day I come here and see you fucking people act like you're not morally accountable for anything, as if the very act of being anonymous frees you from being a decent human being. Your personality doesn't exist in a vacuum you shits. Not even close. The words you say to other people affect them just as much as they affect you, whether or not you want them to. Just because you can't see that shit happen doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
A lot of people that visit this place are going to look back in a few years, legitimately wonder how they became so miserable and miss the irony completely. Fucking hell.
>>16361434 I went to uni for something to do, practically free and I ironically I got to learn about depression while suffering badly from it.
And now that I don't have an excuse I have to join the real world rather than working part time at macdonalds. It's scary. Plus autismbux isn't an option since I need to be judged at unable to work for 2 years
I am so fucking annoyed being in party chats with players that I don't know. Unless they know I'm a girl beforehand, they always think I'm a guy. I'M SORRY THAT I SOUND LIKE A 15 YEAR OLD BOY BUT I AM A 27 YEAR OLD WOMAN OKAY!!! FUUUUCK!
>>16361009 So you're saying I should just put it all out there and risk what little reputation I have and make things SUPER awkward between him and I for the rest of ever how long I have left working at this place?
I know you're trying to help, but no. There's a good chance he'd tell everyone and then I'd be even more of a laughingstock than I already am. There's no way of telling him without any of it sounding really awkward.
I don't get how people can live their lives. ''Normal people'' I mean. Every person I know works 8 hours a day and on weekends they drink or do drugs. I can do that, I am fine with that, but I don't think my body can do this. I feel like I am addicted to alcohol and I crave harder drugs. Last time I went out I had to stay in bed for 30 hours. Is this really how people live? It's like we are all doing this, but I am missing something so they will go on to live their normal lives while I stay behind and get killed by my addictions. I know people who are 40-60. They used to live just like me and they went on to become successful happy people who don't even drink. Will I be able to make it? Sure, I can just stop this lifestyle, but then I will be missing out on friends. None of the people my age go out sober. I'd be a recluse if I gave up alcohol.
>>16360285 Creepily similar, are you me? Hang in there, anon. You were probably happier at a time in the past, but that's because things seemed more stable. You'll get there again, it just takes work to get to those stable points, but when you get there you can enjoy it while it lasts. It's worth it. Just don't forget to take a little time to enjoy the present, make that balance, it'll make the days easier.
>>16359965 Sigh, women are poor, poor things. Look, i understand that since you were a baby people shoved on your mind that everlasting prince/princess love bullshit and that you think profound relationships like marriage require unconditional love. But all this thing about you having your loved one making you the center of the universe is pretty absurd and unpractical on a healthy relationship. Or psyque. Its consensus on the psychology and psychiatric community that one must be content with himself to be able to have healthy relationships, for the lack of important aspects of a healthy mind will eventually fall upon those near in the social cycle, usually family or the loved one. The fact that you want to be considered the most important and loved person in the universe by someone else indicates a big insecurity that YOU have about YOURSELF, about your value. Expecting someone to accomplish this level of uhmm adoration or idolatry is pretty weird. You may have your bfs sexual and romantic love, but his fraternic love will aways be stronger AND THATS TO BE EXPECTED. We're talking about his brother. And it's a TWIN brother. Blood of his blood. Now that's unconditional love in a biological level. They have been together since day 0. You can't possibly expect your vagina to erase all that now can you? And why exactly do you need to be the most important thing in the world for him? What are you trying to prove (to yourself?). It doesnt mean he doesnt love you a lot. You expect too much of him. You should probably talk about what bothers you or insecurities at a psychologist, once you are feeling well with yourself you wont try to fill your personal holes by depositing hopes on your loved ones.
>>16361770 I dont drink, dont smoke, dont do drugs and have a very rich social life, and many of my friends drink a lot. Unless they are complete scum they will understand you dont want to drink/etc. And if your hangouts usually require you to get smashed or you suffer pressure from your "friends" you likely need better friends.
>>16361811 Sit down with him and ask what the fuck is up. If you dont dialogue you wont solve anything. Try to understand his reasons. If they are autistic, explain why to him. If he's autistic, leave him.
>>16361932 Vince. My name is Vincent but you like Vince better (: And I love you more than anything in the world. My initials are VM. I'm a stupid fool for what I did and I love you. I know it's you. You don't like me cutting myself and stopped until tonight and the very night of my relapse I find you here. Its a miracle. Vince
> in (my first) relationship with gf for 4 years, got together in a shared flat of 4 people > 4 years go by > i am no longer attracted to her, she no longer cares about her appearance > i have the feeling our conversations have become superficial and boring, i start feeling that our interests are way too different > she has gotten lazy and passive, whereas i realize i want to do a few things in life that i havent done > she constantly talks about our future, i don't wanna think about it > i start treating her bad. don't know exactly why, but maybe because i subconsciously feel that i am missing out on so much considering it is my first relationship. hate myself for it. > we argue all the time, i don't wanna give it up and hope that everything turns out ok and that it is just a phase. > few weeks ago, new flatmate moves in. she looks like a model, is very active and overall a nice and warm person > thisisnotgoingtoendwell.jpg > cut to present moment, i think i am in love with her. no one knows.
fuck my life, what do. i just dont understand myself here. i hardly even know the girl, so wtf is wrong with me? and how do i get out of this mess? pic unrelated.
>>16359877 Before this, my life was quite troublesome. I went to trashcanistan. I had a lot of really stupid dangerous hobbies.
I have a nice life now. I have money. I am comfortable. I want for nothing.
I just seem to have lost my mind along the way. The reason I am so happy talking to people is most of the time I'm imagine a tank breaking through the wall and crushing them to death.
Guy I'm trying to jew (GITTJ): Well anon great analysis of China but blah blah blah
Me: [insert econ facts gathered and time wasted in uni]
GITTJ: but my gut says otherwise anon
(What I want to say) Me: Does your gut tell you that I could easily murder you with this fucking pen? Right through your retard neck. Maybe I should bash your fucking head open so you get what I am saying through it?
(Actual) Me: haha you got it chief (as I imagine the above)
The even more terrifying thought is there may be other people just as insane as me who hide it just well.
I put it down to two things.
1. I have adopted turmoil as natural state. 2. Killing things and using violence as a valid conflict resolution tool is nothing some thing you can apply in the civilian world
I hope I adopt to the new norm soon. This being respectable shit sucks. I miss scuba diving and bargoyles. Even though I know those days are long since over.
>side note: World War 2 Era Nazi music soothes me into a better mood for some reason
God did things move fast. Why couldn't you have just asked me on a date when we first met? I would have definitely accepted it and we would see where to go from there. Knowing what you want in the long run makes it so difficult to just say "yes", I feel like that would be actually leading you on, but maybe it's because we haven't even met yet after that trip.
I really don't know... Holy shit, this is so weird
I cook for you, I clean for you, I wash your clothes, and the dishes and I even shower you. I help you into bed, massage your sore bits, and wipe your ass and goddamn it you can't even hold a conversation with me anymore.
You told me there was a fine line between being a girlfriend and a career. I think we hit that line when you told me we don't have the time to date. When you promised you'd look after me then told me you hadn't paid the rent in months. When I work 12 hours shifts and come home to you not even putting your food wrappers in the bin or putting your plate on the side.
I do EVERYTHING in my power to look after you, but who's looking after me?
>>16362292 They might now like like you but they enjoy talking with you try to make a move and if she says no just keep talking to her casually when you see her. Can't force them to like you but you can still be a gentlemen. With time you'll find someone who want to spend more time with you.
>>16362368 That's sweet of you, Anon. I'm morally clashing though. I started a relationship with him knowing he was in a wheelchair so why should it make such a difference now? Why is adult life so stressful
>>16362313 You don't want to hurt him that's good you care. Ask him to go drink a coffee at the coffee shop you want to see him let him know. Also let him know that even tough you know he want's to go for the long run, you would rather go a step at a time and tell him that you like him. Courage!
I hate living in Europe since the refugee crisis. I already have a new place to stay with my partner which is much safer and very anti-Islam. I'll be so glad to be out of this shithole with people tolerating this crap.
I worry that my erection troubles are costing me the girl that I lust after the most. She's such good fun but we've tried to have sex twice now and both times i haven't been able to get it up. Now she's not text me back when we were supposed to go out for drinks yesterday night and it's really stressing me out.
>>16362381 Couple counselor might be able to help him open up more about how he feels. I am not in a wheelchair but I could imagine how degrading after your wife wipe your ass could be, he could even hate himself for dragging you into his life. I know for a fact that his in a depression right now, do way you describe everything that his not paying attention to anything or anyone anymore. His dragging you down with him into his depression that what you feel that hopelessness.
>>16362404 I had that problem once and it was because I was overly stress about sex ended up having way too much anxiety. First let her know that shes the most beautiful women in the world, women tend to think its their fault you can't get it up. After that breathe man and take it slow, focus on her and not your dick, Hell forget you even have one and please her. Make out for a longer time and look at her and forget you exist. Massage her whole body. If your not hard yet, eat her out in till you're hard. Worked for me.
I'm 40 and have made a lot of friends, married, worked several places, joined IRL or online groups related to every one of my interests, gone to different churches/spiritual services. And yet I never really feel like I fit in anywhere.
I think it's because the times I've gotten comfortable in a place, I am more vocal about my opinions and less careful about hiding my irritation. Either I don't notice I'm doing it until someone calls me out on it, or I think I'm still policing myself but am apparently not, and suddenly say something that offends someone/puts them off guard. Even after mentally double and triple checking, I can't see where what I said is out of line or any worse than what other people in the group have said. If someone tries to explain it to me, I have trouble seeing the distinction. I keep getting told that it's not so much what I'm saying but the way I'm saying it. If I look super close, I can see that I might've been slightly more direct and less disarming/humourous than in the past, but I can't see anything rude or shocking in what I said. After that, people seem to be worried that I'm just going to go postal and/or say something horrible, and everything I say after that seems to be filtered based on that (like that experiment where 2 groups of people are given identical sets of statements but 1 group is told the statements are from a psychotic person, so they're more likely to interpret the statements as evidence of psychosis). I know it's human nature to do this.
Then it feels like my only choices are to continue as is and eventually risk getting kicked out, withdraw from the group, or just be extremely careful in what I say which leads me to feel like I can't participate much. Generally I shut up/lurk moar but end up just quitting.
This is something I've been working on since my teens, both on my own and with therapists. It's gotten better over the years, but it's still happening and I feel so isolated and worthless because of it.
>>16362484 This is my opinion and not some psy or someone with education. It seems like you lack empathy, obviously its not a major problem you have a family friends etc. Practice being more kind and be more focus about what the group is all about, be less focus about saying what come up in your mind keep that for the house and friends. You know people join those group to be part of something greater than themselves and figure out why you're there, to help and share your experience or the make new friends?
>>16362517 Thank you for your reply, it's given me some things to think about.
I have the same issue with my friends too, and have lost some in the past. The last ten years or so, I have had more success keeping friends. It's not as much of an issue with my husband, and I also accept that there are times in a marriage when it's best to bite your tongue until you've cooled off, so perhaps that's part of it. But often talking to people I don't realise I'm upset or even *feel* particularly upset, but they will mention that I seem upset. Getting in touch with feelings is another difficulty I'm working on in therapy.
I guess I join groups because I'm lonely and I think I'll find validation and comfort in a group of people that I can relate to and who can relate to me. Upon reflection I think it's probably the main reason I come to 4chan. I know I'm supposed to be looking inward for validation, not outward, and that's also something I am still working on in therapy.
I'm 25, and it feels like everything that's led up to this point has essentially left me nowhere. I've bought everything I want to buy, and all of the time I'm not in work is mine to spend.
So why can't I get anything done? Why do I just sit here at my PC doing nothing all day and night I can? Why can't I ever meet anyone I get along with so that I actually have someone IRL I can talk to?
I know these are problems which are constantly leaving me depressed, but I seem completely incapable of either a) figuring out how to solve them b) having exhausted everything I could try to solve them
The fact I'm a lonely 25 year old sat at his PC whining about how shitty he feels with his life speaks for itself.
>on wednesday we chat for a few minutes >on friday I add her on social contacts because why the fuck not >next day we talk for hours and she agrees to come to a concert to which I admit I wouldn't go if not for it being an opportunity to see her >I spend a great evening with her and regret leaving >text her I want to do it again >she wants it too >she texted me this morning >we're going to the movies on tuesday and she wants us to have a drink first
I feel like I'm on a cloud. I rarely get along so well with people.
I lost my virginity yesterday. It was also one of the shittiest days of my life. Two fuckers parked their cars basically touching mine, in a way that I couldn't get out. Me and the girl had to search for one of cunts to be able to leave. I got lost 3 times on the way to the hotel due to the GPS fucking up, almost crashed at a point. When we arrived, only the shittiest room was available (I was getting the best for us).
I was very angry at that point and started feeling sick to make things worse. I just wanted to give up and die but she was very kind, said that she doesn't care, shit happens. We started having sex, but I never told her I was a virgin, because the last time I did this, the girl broke up with me. I tried to fake experience with the shit porn taught me, and to be honest it worked pretty well for some time, until my mind blanked entirely. I had no idea what to do anymore and started to make stupid mistakes. She started to get confused and I just bursted "look, I'm a virgin". She got angry, saying that I should have told her before, as she was once on this position and would have totally helped me.
The sickness I felt earlier got stronger and I was unable to sleep the whole night. She wanted to sleep hugged to me but I just kept pushing her away since I was almost puking at that point. It was terrible and she started to feel really sorry for me.
She still hasn't talked to me since I dropped her at her house this morning. I guess at least I should be thankful that I had the chance of getting with someone who was very comprehensive despite the amount of terrible shit I had to make her go through.
I'm in love with the idea of us. We'll never end up together, I know you hate me, but the delusion that we might cross paths someday and suddenly connect and bond is too good a fantasy to shatter. I don't want to accept that you can't stand the sight of me, or that I irritate the piss out of you; because that's the reality of it. I want to believe that I have a chance with you so that this hallucination that we're meant for each other never ends, I don't want to know how much you really hate me, what you say about me behind my back, what people tell you about me, or how stupid you think I am. That'll ruin it all.
I'm living in a dream that I don't want to wake up from.
I don´t even know what to write, or how to put what I feel into words.
I just feel really really shitty. I feel alone and abandoned, and I feel like I often get emotionally abused. My parents probably think i´m a weirdo, or maybe they don´t really think about me that much at all. What they think about is themselves, but don´t we all do that? I feel left out and misplaced in society, and I feel like everyone is just fucking superficial and careless. I hate having to work for a useless piece of paper, just to get the things i desire, and to create experiences for myself. What really matters in this life has been completely forgotten by everyone, and now we´re navigating life using our minds, instead of acting on what we feel. Everyones a phony, because i´m a phony - and I have no clue how to be real or just be myself. I´m anxious most of the time, I fuck up pretty much all relationships I try to build with people and I always, ALWAYS sabotage myself. I start smoking, binge eating, cutting out every healthy aspect of my life and replace it with poison. Sometimes I really wish that I could just die, just because I know that I don´t fit into this world, and because I have visited realms of consciousness that display far greater beauty than what this life could possible offer. I have felt infinity and life beyond death, and I just want to push the limit - but I feel entangled by my family always talking about how someone close to them doing dangerous or challenging things will hurt them as well. I am not afraid of dying, and I actually look forward to the day that I can leave my physical shell, and explore something deeper than this. I pray for a world where people can reveal their deepest darkest secrets, look deeply into each others eyes and just love each other. I wish we would all care for everything living on this planet, and take charge of the changes that this world so desperately needs. I wish everyone was free to do whatever they dream of.
There's a chance I've pissed away a year of my life.
I forgot to hand an essay in at the end of first year and am waiting to see the results of my appeal. If it hasn't gone through, I have to stop doing second year now and am stuck waiting till the end of the uni year to redo that essay then begin second year again next september.
I've never felt completely confident about the course I'm doing, I'm good at journalism but see nothing but stress and financial difficulty if I choose to continue with it.
If the appeal goes through I'll carry on - I'm almost halfway through, I can't give up now. If not I don't know what I'll do, another year at uni doing a degree I hate? Drop out and find a job? Or switch degrees, be 2 years behind all the other freshers but know for sure what I'm doing is something with a career I'll enjoy ahead of me.
Thing is, I have no idea what that is. All my life I've just bounced from job idea to job idea, never holding on to a single one for more than a couple of months. I have a couple months experience in most everything surrounding the entertainment industry but not enough skill in any individual one to get a career.
>>16363729 20 year old student here, we're in the same boat mate, don't obsess over it, stop worrying.
I lost my mind in 2014, joined dating sites, posted ads, did everything I could to finally get a gf. All it did was make me clingy as fuck when I finally had a girl into me and it fucked me over in terms of my education.
I scared her off in less than a week because of how obsessed I became with her. Still kissless, still a virgin, but hey, at least I've seen a girl's tits now I guess. At the cost of stopping all the progress I was doing in terms of education because of losing her.
Look, 19's nothing mate. We've got our entire fucking lives ahead of us. You're a med student for Pete's sake, you're going to be drowning in pussy once you graduate.
But you have to learn to stand on our own before you can stand a chance with others. You aren't a failure because you haven't had a girlfriend yet, you're a failure because you're letting that make you believe you are one.
You're a fucking med student. You've succeeded more than most people your age so far, don't let one weak link break the chain just because other, weaker chains, have a stronger version of that link. 10 years time you'll be better off, with more women under your belt, than any of your peers right now can imagine. Just make the rest of the chain stronger and it'll strengthen that weak link with it.
I know I shouldn't do it but I can't help but compare myself to others. I'm not even surrounded by average people so it's pointless. For example, I can't help but be jealous of some people in some of my courses because they're richer and have better grades than me (not because they're more talented, but because of external circumstances,mostly luck and their parents' money to travel abroad). I could ignore it by myself, but they won't stop reminding me that it's "weird" or even "wrong" that I don't do things they can afford, like I'm a disgusting weirdo. I can't relate to most people because of that and it feels awful.
I have an appointment with an endocrinologist I don't know to see if my treatement for GH defficiency didn't have any dangerous side effects. But I had my diagnosis when I was 7, so I forgot a lot about the treatment and the ghd itself. I'm scared of what the doctor will tell me. It's not even like I knew other people who had the same problem as me and who could give me explainations, so I'm going to make a fool of myself in front of the doc. What do I ask him?
>>16363881 Do not worry bro. If you have GH defficiency, hormonal suplementation should have no serious side effects. But well, your doctor will know. And no doctor can recommend medicine that can hurt you for no reason. It is in our oath!
I asked this girl if she wanted to continue dating and hanging out but because I added an exclamation mark it just came off as really weird and awkward. It was either asking her to hang or asking her to sext/play around so I played it safe.
Like, I'm talking to a girl who seems like it could go either way and I imagine that once I finish my cut she'll be into me and I prefer her to the girl I've just messaged because she's taller and, to me, that makes me feel like she's stronger and more dependent.
This is why I've never bothered with relationships tbh. I would much rather casual dating than being fully committed until I get my own place.
>>16363898 Thanks that's good to know! But it wasn't for "no reason" because my previous doctor calculated that I was going to be at most 1m45 tall at most without the treatment from what I can recall (currently I'm 1m58 but I'm a young woman so it's still considered "acceptable"). 1m45 would have fucked up people' perception of me for sure.
Damn it. Even the extremly poor farmers in damn Malavi who sleep on the floor still have gfs, wives and kids.
I am probably over 100 000 times wealthier than these guys, and i have everything i need besides i have to work most of the time.
But for fucks sake, why can't i get a gf? Why can't i have a family. Why am i doomed to live my life isolated from most people just because i happen to be an average white guy with not so many friends and not so many interesting hobbies.
Am i really such a bad person that im worse than these people at the ultimate bottom of society in the world?
I'm never going to get over June 29th. It's the day that I fell from my high. The day I learned that loyalty doesn't mean what I thought it did. The day I got told that I need to rethink everything I had done for the past four years. The day I walked into my first real job interview, got asked the "gotcha" questions I thought I was prepared for. The day I learned that the truth means nothing. The day I learned the true meaning of insider politics. That I can't trust anyone.
All I do is replay it in my head. Replay getting told "Well, it didn't work this time and went with someone else. But if we have another opening, we'd love for you to give it another shot."
Try again? If you didn't want me the first time, why would you want me to try again? Either I'm good enough for you or I'm not. If you give me another shot, are you really 100% trusting me? Are you really wanting to hire me? No, you're not. And I swear if for some reason I walk back into that room for another interview and you start with anything that references that interview, I'm going to call you out on being unprofessional and I'm going to walk out. I'm not going to sit there and take that from you.
You had your chance. You had your chance to lock me up for 30+ years. Someone who had roots in this town. Someone you could count on to not leave at the drop of a hat. But no. You thought that wasn't enough. You didn't trust me. You didn't have confidence in me.
But you think I've tried to make myself better? I wish I could say I did. But every time I start, all this floods back. I just get angry. I get upset. I get depressed. The seeds of doubt you planted are growing. You've made me think you're right, that I'm not cut out for this. And yet deep down I know I am. I've done it. I think back to when I was on top of my game. And I wish I could channel enough for that to make myself better again.
I need to believe in myself and I was, not who you're turning me in to.
I'm starting to think I have serious job seeking/application anxiety.
I currently have a job right now that I'm honestly embarrassed to tell people about. It doesn't make good money and I don't really like most of what I'm doing. I still have to live with my parents who are on social security.
I have no idea what to do with my life. And every job listing out there either has too many requirements or is a job that would cause me to hate life even more if I took it. When I try to apply to a job, the whole process causes me to be nervous the whole time until I stop trying and do sometime else. It was very hard for me to even get the job the have now.
My family members are giving me flack about me not getting a better job and it only makes me not want to bother anymore.
I feel like a fallen person. My future seemed so bright when I entered college. How did I reach this point? I know how. No matter where I went, I couldn't make any meaningful friendships nor could I do well in school like I used to. The first time I stayed overnight on campus during orientation, I had a premonition of pure loneliness. I ignored it and it came true.
I wish I could redo the last 6 years. I wish I knew what to do.
see you fuckers complain about your partners to the smallest detail everyday, I feel like I'm watching Seinfeld meanwhile I feel stranded in a dessert and you have the guts to tell me how I should feel, how the fuck do you know how should I feel?
My ex and I broke up about 9 months ago I still miss her I think about her everyday everyday when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep I can't help it I try to forget about her but I can't it's been so long but yet she still on my mind I don't know why god help me I'm currently talking to someone else right now but she's always on my mind I feel bad for the person I'm talking to because every time I talk to him she's still on my mind I loved this girl with all my heart and she just left me hanging high and dry it hurts now that I think about it she was my sunshine she gave me a reason to look forward to waking in the morning I can honestly say I forgot what it felt like to be happy until I met her she gave me a spark and now I feel like it's gone I feel as if no one elses going to fill that hole that she filled I miss her so much I still care about her once in a while I'll text her I don't know why its pointless I know she won't reply everytime I think about her I try to push her as far ahead as possible but she just keeps on creeping up on me she gave me hope she brought me back to life now I just feel like an empty shell I try to paint a pretty picture on the outside but on the inside I'm just so damn empty I still love you Ruba I hope you're happy I hope you're loved and sometimes I wonder if you think about me just as much as I think about you sometimes I see something that reminds me of you or reminds me of something that you said and for a brief second I feel happy again Oh You make me smile
Had sex with my girlfriend's lesbian friend who just recently got back together with her ex-girlfriend who cheated on her. I don't feel bad in the slightest. I actually feel slightly alpha. Guess I'm just a shitty person.
I would genuinely be interested in finding out if would enjoy murdering somebody. I don't particularly care about other people, at least not people I have a connection with. It might be fun, like satisfying a primal urge. Wouldn't risk the trouble though. That's about all it comes down to. But I wonder if one day, if the situation presents itself, I'd be totally okay killing another person in cold blood.
>>16359877 Strangers on 4chan are the only people I have left to talk to. I had two friends but one parted ways a few years after college when he moved. The other has found more interesting people to be around after moving and no longer calls me or messages me unless I contact her first. I've been told that I'm "gifted" and "talented" as I was growing up but have had zero ambition in life since junior high and just squandered my skills by playing EverQuest and WoW instead. I'm a serious and cynical person and I don't particularly like anything about myself. In fact, if I met me at a party, I'd be like "that guy's an ass". I've met some people that have similar interests as I do (watches anime, plays games) but 9 out of 10 times they all like my least favorite things so I have absolutely nothing to talk to them about. Often they're shocked that I don't like Attack on Titan or Death Note and want to argue about why it's the Greatest of All Time which just irritates me and causes me to go Gran Autismo and rip in to their favorite shit and tear it apart.
I'm told I'm handsome occasionally. I disagree. I have zero self-confidence and people often take what I say the absolute wrong way from how I meant it to come out. I look unapproachable but the only thing I've wanted my whole life is for somebody to invite me to hang out with them or go somewhere just once. My whole life I would hear other people talking about the party that everybody was at. Or I'd hear my "friends" talk about how they all went mini-golfing or whatever the fuck then ask what I had done that weekend (leveled my high elf cleric). The only times I get invited somewhere is if I overhear plans being discussed and ask about it such as who's going.
tl;dr - I don't like myself, and it doesn't seem like there's anybody out there who wants to actually be around me
>>16364861 I cheated on my now ex-wife with my lesbian best friend. Then I slept with her again. She's engaged but I'm probably going to do it again. Because who really gives a fuck? I don't and to be honest that's all that matters.
I just really like spoiling my boyfriend. I'm a bit upset right now, so it's good to think about nice things right now. He's pretty sweet, so I love giving him things. Like games and baked goods. I just like making him happy. I wish I could cook for him every day. He's just a swell person. I hope your day was better than mine /adv/
I'm tired of people showing me time and time again why I hate them...why I'm better off not interacting with them. Especially why I'm better off not getting too close to them. Why the fuck didn't you think further ahead? You knew how fragile I was, yet you blew through me like a fucking tornado with no thought for my regard. I really didn't need this. Before you destroy another person, make sure you know what you fucking want before you ask for it. I was doing so fucking good staying happy on my own. I had actually started to get the hang of it. Then you ruined that. I don't know how or why I got attached so quick. I knew I had something to be fearful of but you reassured me that there wasn't anything to be fearful of. Thanks. Lesson learned. What I learned today: we're seriously better off alone...and it makes me so sad. >Pic related
Now I'm wishing a group of people would jump your ass to knock some common sense into you.
You completely disgust me and I wish I wasn't too nice for my own good.
A few years ago when we first met, I noticed a few things were off about you. I ignored them, after all everybody has their quirks.
As time went by, I started to get bad vibes from you again. When things ended between us, it was like a viral infection that reached wide and far.
You been dead to me yet you insist on trying to stick around to make yourself look like the victim.
All the bs you have put me through the years and knowing you get to walk around when you have said and done some truly fucked up shit is starting to piss me off. I tried to ignore you and ignore your existence, I finally snapped.
I hope you get your ass jumped and beat to a bloody pulp for all the bs you have created.
Normally I'm not one to get overly angry, I'm just done dealing with this crap.
Tired of being too nice and tired of being mentally exhausted by inviting the wrong people into my life.
I'm going to be starting fresh any way luckily......still hope I can see you get your ass kicked before I move.
>>16364987 If you hate yourself so much, punish yourself by barely eating. One meal a day or none, whatever. Suffer, and learn to enjoy the pain. Resort to bulimia if you have to. Until you're thin and better and ready to become someone you can love. Then enjoy a life being better than other people and punishing them for it. That's my plan.
>>16365076 They won if they've broken you. Like Rocky said it's not how hard you can punch it's about how hard you can get punch and still get up to fight. Sylvester Stallone wrote a book about his life, worth the read if you think you got it worse than everyone else.
There is a point where I just can't be sympathetic anymore. You talk about your life being "ruined" and how you're "always going to be alone because no guy finds you attractive and your genetics are cursed" since your sister's mentally deficient. You go on and on about how miserable you are; how your mother's a raging nitpicky bitch; how you're constantly having anxiety problems.
I know damn well 95% of your problems could be fixed by you leaving that shithole college of yours and telling your cunt of a mother to go fuck herself. Which I have told you. I even gave you the psychological equivalent of this advice. Hell, your own THERAPIST told you that this environment was giving you PTSD symptomology and I told you my mother went through the same thing, and the only thing that saved her from an early stress-related demise was getting the fuck away of her job.
And you still refuse to take any of this advice. And surprise! You're still miserable! IT DOESN'T TAKE AN ENGINEERING MAJOR TO FIGURE THAT SHIT OUT.
If you're going to continue to wallow in your own misery instead of saying "enough is enough I'm not putting up with this anymore" then I just don't have any more fucks to give.
I'm 23, never been kissed, had sex, or even been in a relationship.
And I'm not bothered by that. I'm actually happy by myself.
What bothers me is that I have a hard time giving a shit about everyone else's relationship problems. Listening to my friends complain about strife in their marriages or trying to get a date or something similar just fucking annoys me and I mentally shut down and inevitably end up tuning them out.
I'm almost certain this isn't some cliche sociopathic trait but this lack of empathy can't be normal by any stretch of the imagination.
I think I'm turning into a horrible person. I don't even think I should share why. The things that are on my mind are just awful. I'm not even disturbed by them. Just afraid I might turn into a monster. I almost like the idea of me being the most evil and disgusting human being in the world.
>>16365253 We all get tired and feed up with other people problems. Just ask them not to talk about that shit around you because its not interesting to you. If they start talking about it remember them and if they don't stop just leave.
>>16365277 Iktf, one of my major issues right now is my parents moved my family from L.A to vancouver BC when I was 12, and when I was 18 they moved to Santa Cruz. Now they want me to move back to CA but I just despise the entire state after being in Canada. I don't even know why or what changed my opinion. As a kid I loved L.A
>break up about 3 months ago(mutual decision) >breakup isnt messy or shitty, go our seperate ways >about a month ago start thinking about her and how great it was to be with her >run into her at a party tonight >talk a little about trivial shit >want to tell her how i feel so maybe we can try again >cant get it out >finish my booze and stumble home pissed at myself i dont know why i havent gotten over it yet, but i somehow end up thinking about it nearly every day and its killing me, it feels like theres a hole in my chest, and i know it would be a terrible idea and unfair to her to bring it back up but i cant keep it out of my mind. my hobbies dont distract me enough for me to stop thinking about it
>>16365371 how long ago did you move? maybe time will change you.
I also know that feel, but its the feeling when there is no good take out except persian and asian. And the fastfood here sucks. And food prices are high, and alcohol is ridiculously overpriced. And vancouver is 3rd most expensive city to live in right now. Rent costs here are a joke.
I've lost all motivation to do anything. I don't like playing music or drawing anymore. I've left my roleplaying group because I've lost inspiration and feel like it's an overwhelmingly monumental task to participate these days. Video games bore me, there's nothing worth watching on TV, I can't get past the first chapter of any book I pick up now. Even my job as a programmer drags on and I count down the hours and minutes until I can get home, strip my clothes off, and just sleep. Even porn has lost it's appeal to me. I go through a few pages and my dick, it does nothing. I've been fine on my own for my entire life and suddenly it's like decades of loneliness has swept in all at once. It's like a wet wool blanket is draped over me.
>>16366102 Way too little amount of information. Maybe you get a kick out of self-harming your emotions. Maybe you've a hard time letting go. Id recommend to ignore your urges(block the website's) and build some self worth. Also keeping busy with activities.
Don't twist things around blue it was you who and your relatives that created this situation. Your MLM failings are not my fault, nor is your high almighty attitude and nor is your vile toxic tongue. I treated you like how I was treated in the end. I tried to be a friend.
I made mistakes but I apologized. You on the other hand. You are a psychopath.
Thanks for everything you have written. Trust me buddy keep going with this. Everything is being saved.
You're waiting for someone to put you together, yet you push them away. Waiting for someone to “save” you, but what is it that you’re really waiting for? You talk about how all you want is a guy who’d do anything for you. You're a liar. I don't think that you even know what you're looking for. I’ve tried to be everything you want, everything you need, but I mean absolutely nothing to you and I don't know why. The more your hopes and dreams fill my head the farther that I fall for you! I guess if someone doesn't love you back it really isn't such a crime, but still you lead me on and waste my time. I don't have the time to waste on you anymore. So I tried to forget you, and hope that eventually how I felt would go away. For my own sanity, I decided to close the door on us. Hoping that when I forget you, maybe I'd stop feeling so bad, and you know what? Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. Not a single day. Even after everything, you're still somehow part of my life, and you won’t go away. Everyday, wanting you to notice when I'm not around. Everyday, thinking, “When will this end?” “When will I start forgetting?” And everyday I go on thinking, and thinking, and I never stop. Every single day. I’m going insane! If I were senseless, I'd prefer it! And you just sit tight and watch it unwind. It's exactly what you want! You, the Queen of Hearts, what would you do for me if I needed you? Absolutely nothing!
And you want to know the worst part? I’d still do anything to make you happy. It never took any convincing for me to always believe in you. I’d die for you, and I’m not sure if it’s because you mean that much to me, or if I’m that worthless to myself. If I could start it all over again, I’d go far away and keep myself from you. I don't want you to hurt, and I don't want you to fail. But you know what? I think you'll be just fine! You've got your short sad life left, at least, that's what I'm counting on. I'll let you get right to it. You're someone else's problem now. Go make some new disaster! Right now, I want you gone. Take all the dreams you've sown. Take all your lies and leave me alone.
>>16366046 I finally did it! I told him that I have fallen in love with my cousins, he didn't react in a hostile manner like I was afraid he would. We had a good discussion about the reasons for my feelings towards my cousins, the nature of my feelings, and my fears related to all this. He was very understanding, and not judgmental at all.
I feel like a big burden has finally left my chest. I have never told anyone in real life what I feel towards the girls this straightforwardly, outside of the girls themselves.
My therapist urged me to talk about this with my mother, whom I fear might be suspicious about the nature of my relationship with my cousins, but I am still too afraid of how she might react. Few weeks ago, when I was visiting my cousins, I could have possibly stayed there for few more nights, but my mother told me that I couldn't. When I asked why, she just told me "You know why" very aggressively, which didn't answer my question at all. I don't want her to think that I am some sort of pedophile trying to get into my cousins pants.
>>16366502 Could be, or could be not. That is probably why my therapist urged to discuss this thing trough with her, but again, I am super afraid of how she would react if I flat out told her that I love those girls.
I'm avoiding most of my old friends now and I don't really know why. I always log in on steam on offline mode and play games by myself. That's right, even online I'm anti-social. I just don't feel like having many friends. I lack female friends. That's it! I want to hang out with both guys and girls. And maybe get a gf. Though, I don't express emotions that much, It doesn't mean I don't have any.
>>16366938 Except I don't have sexual feelings towards my cousins. Just extremely strong feelings of attachment. I fear that my mother may think that I want to take advantage of those girls, which is something I would never do.
>>16365713 >What is a psy? It's a word I've only ever seen used in fiction to refer to individuals who possess some psychic ability or other. Anon seems to be using it as a shortened form of psychologist/psychiatrist.
>>16366943 So if one of them started rubbing herself on your crotch -or if both of them did- while wearing short skirts or something -no one else is watching-, you wouldn't let them, right? And you wouldn't get a boner at all. Psht, absolute denial.
>>16367020 To be fair, what sort of guy wouldn't get a chubby if someone started rubbing themselves on their crotch? I mean, the physical simulation from pants rubbing your junk is sometimes enough to get a mild erection on.
I feel like life has made me so callous and cynical I can't connect to anybody anymore in an authentic way. I have become the wall I use to protect myself. I'm stuck between needing to feel loved but refusing to believe that I can be.
>>16366984 hm. I suppose that makes sense. I have no health insurance though and don't know the first thing about talking to a psychologist/psychiatrist. I wouldn't want to just waltz into a building and be like "hey I got some shit to talk about maybe some meds to be put on". Especially when I know nothing about that particular person's work.
I'm a 24 year old man and I lie compulsive on the internet to complete strangers that my life isn't actually as pathetic as it really is.
I have no idea why I do it. The only theory I have is that if I lie enough times, maybe I'll start to believe the lie. Maybe the reality in front of me will transmorph into something more like the lie. And eventually I'll start acting like the person living the life I lie about, rather than just lying about it.
Man, I'm fucked. I can't even tell the truth to myself.
>>16367075 >"I'm stuck between needing to feel loved but refusing to believe that I can be."
This fucking feel man. I think it's the cause of most of my failures with women.
Even on dates with girls or talking to girls in public, I try to pretend to be confident but even so, I really feel like I'm just trying to fool the girl. Like she'd never like the real me, who could? Even when my mother and father tell me they love me, I can't even believe it. I've accused them of lying multiple times, gotten angry enough to leave their house when they tell me they love me. My mother avoids saying it now because she knows how upset it makes me.
I'm a huge, porn addicted, perverted virgin, and I'm scared I'll be one of those creepy guys who post their dicks on /b/ if I don't get laid before I get a certain age
I've wasted my youth on one girl who never liked me romantically, and ignored every other girl who approached me in the process, I'm a GODDAMN FOOL.
I (more than)sometimes wish I was a girl, just because I've always been envious of..almost everything about them and their freedom of expression..and their ability to be able to express their emotions without seeming weak.
I've always felt like I sit on the outside of my circle of friends and family, and I truly, truly wish I could believe people when they tell me they love me.
I consistently think of suicide, and everything around me feels like a bother to do, even if I want to do it! I want to go to the doctors, but I can't afford to go. My memory is terrible and I get consistently frustrated with everything, no matter how small, and I don't want to admit that it might a mental deficiency.
I want to change, but I'm scared if I take meds that'd change aspects of my personality, or make moves in my life, people would stop liking me and think I was an asshole. I sometimes feel like I'm not the same person regardless, and this new person I am is very regrettable
Worse part is, I try to keep it inside because I don't want to sound like one of those whiny ass teenagers that go to Hot Topic - obviously not healthy in any way for me.
Nice to know I don't deal with this alone. It's been about two years for me since the condition was just tolerable. I've gained like 30 pounds and my hair's started receding. So now on top of all aforementioned, my confidence in my looks is an issue all over again.
I feel like my life is a puzzle, but all the pieces got thrown out the fucking window, or the family dog bit them into oblivion.
I just quit smoking weed because i felt i was tired of everything, i have no friends, never been in a real argument with any of my former friends they just all seem to move on. Started school in hopes of making new but i fucked it up all just talking shit and saying stupid things, i still hope they'll understand me at a later stage, no one is particular bad though.
I spend most of my spare time staring into the air thinking about random things, imagining stuff or watch esports because i hate all the shit series / movies which are being made these days except for 1 or 2 occasional good movies. I do work out abit from time to time because i hope it'll atleast fill the space, but in the end i'll probably always be horrible socially.
Can't really say i care about girls, i've considered if i was gay but theres nothing there so ill stick to being asexual.
I've spent my entire life trying new stuff and the only thing i've found somewhat interesting is sitting infront of a computer, but even thats gotten pretty boring lately.
I took 1800 mg of Vyvanse in the span of three days over two years ago. Did it twice.
Have been hospitalized twice from alcohol poisoning.
I have taken so many drugs to such an excess that it has unmade me.
Every day is a constant struggle to maintain even the slightest amount of levelheadedness. There are still moments when I can calm down enough to see how hard I am on myself and how much needless worrying I do.
Every day is worth living, if only for a moment of calm in between long stretches of time.
I barely drink anymore, and am going to quit smoking this week. I'm 40 lbs overweight from living a sedentary lifestyle for so long; I plan on changing that this week, too.
There is so much more good in the world than a lot of people let themselves see more often than naught. But, it's there.
Every day is the best and worst to make the changes you want to see in life. That's what makes them worth every second.
This wasn't how I envisioned my life, but hanging onto a memory of what I wanted it to be instead of looking for ways to make it better will get you nowhere fast.
The only time I ever feel okay instead of horrible is when I'm drinking, couped up in my room. I'm going to try to cut back on the booze and I'm scared. Last time I tapered the depression was fucking heavy.
I can barely take it anymore.. I've got 10 euros for the rest of the month, drugs are taking over my life, my bank account is about to be closed because I'm so fucked up and keep loosing my cards.. Sitting here on my bed for days, can't eat, can't motivate myself to go to uni.. My ex-gf, the love of my life I tried to forget numerous times keeps coming back into my life and this makes it so fucking hard to get over.. I can't express my feeling no matter how hard I want to. Life's very very dark at the moment and I am seriously loosing my will to live. Fuck man. :(
I'm not sure where my heart stands anymore. I've got a girlfriend of a few years now, and generally speaking everything is going great. We both work, planning to move out together soon...
but I fucked a girl at my buddies house the other night, we've been flirting on and off, talking andseeing eachother romantically on and off since august. I'm not sure what to do, I didn't really have any feelings for this girl before I slept with her, but now that I have I can't get her off my fucking mind. 5 minutes of drunken sex and I end up like this.
I'm just not sure of what to do. So fucking confused.
I have that one good friend, I really love her, actually a bit too much; she rejected me before and I'm okay with it 'cause she's a really good friend. But when she talks about her and her imaginary boyfriend (yeah so she's in love and in a relationship with somebody else, except that somebody doesn't exist in my reality so it created a weird sense of injustice in me which is probably the main source of my problem), I get really annoyed and bothered. To be honest we didn't talk for a while and then about a bit over a week ago we started talking again, everyday, and I realized I missed her random stories, unusual humor sense, and the sense of comfort and happiness I have when I talk to her. But today she brought up the topic of her boyfriend and I pretended to be all chill about it, of course, and then tried to change the topic, which didn't really work and I think my saltiness showed. I'm really annoyed at myself, to be honest. I just want to keep her as a friend, but if I feel salty every time the topic of relationships comes up with her, it's kinda bothersome, unless we avoid the topic, but then again... It's kinda awkward to ask her and I don't want her to know I still have feelings for her. I remember her thinking some things I say are a personal attack or implication of something because I like her and I'm salty about her not liking me back. Even if they aren't related at all. In the meantime I had something along the lines of a gf but didn't like her anywhere as much as the friend (actually I cut off the friend earlier because I felt bad about it), I also had some sexual partners, and I also have a girl who could be my gf right now (it's honestly a matter of me asking her out). And I have enough of friends, so I'm not lonely. I also have a bunch of hobbies and activities so it's not like I have too much free time at my hands. So, how the fuck do I fall out of love? I mean, it's actual bother only once in a while, but I just wish I didn't get bothered at all.
I feel like I'm slipping through the cracks. I'm not a lonely person: I have a great family who live just an hour away, I have a few generally good friends, but I very much feel alone in everything I do. I work in a place where everyone is 10 years older than me, it's also a very male dominated profession so no opportunities to meet women. The one person who I've had an invested interest and previous non-commital relations with has suddenly lost all interest in me since our friend from abroad has returned for a few months and they're really close again (who treated her like total shit when he was last here). He seems like he has grown up though, and if she's happy then I can't really complain, but this happened just when I felt us getting very close again. I am obsessive to a healthy extent, I have some minor abandonment issues (my maternal dad left me when I was young), so I have fears of bearing my feelings and attachment to people. I live in the middle of the city, I work a lot and don't have a lot of money and don't really go 'out', though I play guitar for a couple of bands. I've never had a relationship, though I've experienced love and intimacy with this one girl. I've always felt like I'm not good enough. I'm 21 and I have my own place and a job as a technician which I love, and really I'm incredibly lucky in many aspects, but I have a consistent feeling of emptiness and anxiety. I'm the only single one out of all my friends with exceptions the girl I was talking about before, they are always in relationships and I really admire that, but it's also a hurtful reminder, it definitely feels like no-one has ever felt that same way about me. Anyway I liked writing this, it's nice to just regurgitate these feelings.
to be honest family i'm not doubting you and i'm glad for your "help" but it's still that old feeling of what the hhell do i do now.
couldn't care less about my studies, advice or "life Hacks" at the moment, i'm here looking for clues of when and how. seriously, i don't know if i can take IT for so long considering how hard it is. I can, actually, but it's going to be suchh a painful period of time.
kinda used to it now but if you're staying here forever, which is what it's looking like, you're gonna see a lot of shit. If i knew for sure you'd be staying here for like 6 months or something it would be easier to focus on work too ;)
all i can think of wtf did i get into and when the fuck is going to happen
I met a guy, he liked me but I wasn't digging the idea of me liking him so I told him that. He stopped talking to me before that but now I miss talking to him and now Im starting to feel things for him. But my pride is bigger than my feelings so I guess he'll never know this.
>be neet >parents threaten to kick me out if I remain unemployed >siblings ridicule me for being jobless >get a job busting my ass at night-early morning in a warehouse >making decent money, more money than siblings >politely tell family they'll need to 'hold it down' during the day >constant music blaring, screaming, etc. >constantly remind them past two weeks to be quiet >running on little sleep the past few days >nervous since I'm going to learn how to operate a forklift >finally scream "Shut the fuck up" after being woken up again >parents tell me my attitude needs to change or I'll be kicked out
I can't sleep or eat very well, I work and go to college- so those take up most of my time- I'm just horribly depressed after my significant other left me and it's been a long ass time. I want them back but they did me wrong. I feel like a waste of space, think about jumping off a building everyday.
I trust you. I don't know many people who go to their tutors house to do school work, but I doubt you guys did anything more than work. If the tutor was the same gender, it wouldn't bother me as much.. I just hope you don't consider replacing me.
>Cunt of a parent complains that I don't bring in money to cover rent and shit >Apparently is unable to understand that the reason I'm in college five days a week is because her dumb ass insisted on it, instead of letting me immediately get a job after high school >IT'S YOUR FAULT, YOU'RE SO LAZY
It is not my fault at all. You knew the risks of sending me to college instead of helping out at home. You reap what you sow, you fucking bitch.
I talk to a lot of girls who have boyfriends and, honestly, these girls are some of the best friends that I have.
Their boyfriends probably think I'm a "beta orbiter" (if they browse 4Chan) but I have literally zero interest in ever seeing these girls naked since they're like my bros.
I don't really have time for a relationship so I just have a bunch of female friends. It's not the same but I would rather be able to talk to girls casually when I have time than have some bitch throwing a tantrum because I didn't text her whilst I was in a lecture.
>>16361893 >implying there aren't 50 betas a day on this board who want advice about how to find a manic pixie dreamgirl gf that will magic away all their depression Man, why does everyone on this board hate women
Today I was talking with my friend (he was sitting down). his friend who is next to him starts squeezing his thigh to annoy him. I looked down at his legs, and thought that they were very nice legs and that I would like to squeeze them too. So I gave him a good squeeze near the knee. I have a boyfriend though, and I'm constantly being impulsively touchy with boys (never anything too erotic though) because I've been used to the idea that no one will ever like me so as a result I act grabby with all boys. I don't/wouldn't do anything sexual with any of them, but I've just gotten used to being touchy.I'm going to try to stop acting like that, for my boyfriend. I've been feeling guilty about it the whole day. I know a leg squeeze, especially one done playfully to annoy a friend (one I would have done to anyone else anyway) is not such a big deal, but it really bothers me that i had that thought (that his legs were nice) before squeezing them. It makes me feel like I disrespected my boyfriend somehow. Is this worth making a big deal about? Am I just nervous because it's my first relationship?
Recently I've been thinking about him a lot. I don't know why, I guess I like him?? But I don't know the reason, I've only know him for a few months and I can't get him out of my head. I hope these feelings go away cause I am now remembering how crippling it is to feel this way. To want to talk to them all the time and do things together all the time, but you are unable to cause well.... we barely know each other! I also don't want to bother you, I just wished these feelings would go away. I haven't felt this way in ages and it's suffering.
I stood by you for the most shitty things you've done. I hope you know I am the only person that actually genuinely loves you. This isn't some trip I'm on. You're the biggest cunt whore to ever live. No one and I mean no one fucking likes you. Your parents hate you and your siblings thinks you're a cunt.
I hope to god you get help for your mental health. It's the ONLY way I'd ever talk to you again. Even then it'd be distant. Honestly, my life is better without you.
Also, I hope your vagina becomes infested with maggots bitch.
I've always wanted to find the perfect girl for me, someone to just be happy with and devote myself to. Throughout high school and college I would always say to myself things like, "When the time comes I'll meet her", and would picture myself in the future as having somehow gotten just the right girl. Now at 26, I've not really made much progress. I was with a girl I met on Tinder for about 5 months. We had a lot of fun, but early on I had a feeling that it wouldn't last. We sort of pushed each other away and it was just about a year ago that I dropped her off for the last time. Each of us knew that we wouldn't be back together. This weekend I was out with my sister, her bf and a friend. They all basically told me that they never liked the girl I was with and were so glad we broke up. At first it was kind of a relief knowing that I avoided something bad, but then it was much worse realizing that the one time I thought I had found someone no one thought we should be together and so in the end I never even got close to finding a real match. They were probably just happy I found someone to spend time with. I'm a good looking guy according to girls I know, and have a good job with what should be a bright future. There's just something about me that won't allow me to click with women. As much as I've always wanted to figure it out I just can't. Next month I'm flying to Germany to meet a girl who I met online and have only Skyped with. We've talked for the last 6 months, and really I just feel like this is my last shot at having anything real with anyone in the near future. If something can work out with me moving there I want to just go and start from scratch. Am I crazy for flying to Germany from the US for this? I figure that at this point anything is worth a shot. It's time to take chances.
>>16368845 >have some bitch throwing a tantrum because I didn't text her whilst I was in a lecture. If this is what you think dating is like... If you're dating a woman, you love her and want to be with her. Therefore, she won't be a crazy bitch who throws tantrums due to her inability to use simple logic. Unless that's the kind of girl you love.Too many men fall for crazy women like that and make every other guy think women are just crazy idiots you put up with to get laid. It's depressing. If a woman is a crazy bitch, don't date her. If you're dating a woman, it's likely because she's not a crazy bitch. You know, I'm sure it was just an offhand point about how being single is more relaxing, but I can't get my head around the logic behind that specific statement.
Also, how is casually talking to girls comparable to being in a relationship? Not being argumentative; am actually wondering what you mean by that comparison
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