Hey, so here's the thing. Me and my gf have been together for ia little over a year and a half and we haven't had sex. That kinda bothers me, yeah, but the worst part is I haven't even like touched her butt or anything, I mean, I have, but she asked me to stop and when we talked about it later she said we weren't in the right place (we were on a bench, in a park, very ocasionally someone would pass by). sooo what should I do? this kinda bothers me and I want to solve it but I don't wanna pressure her or anything, so I haven't talked to her about it.
>so I haven't talked to her about it
you've been dating her for 1.5 years so now is the time for you to man up and start talking about things
what are your plans ? her plans ? want to get married have kids ? religious ?
otherwise ask her over for movie nite and be a bit more aggressive going for the chest rub :) and if that works keep repeating for several dates then go for the goal lower down......
well we don't really talk abou the future, we're both in college, and will be for the next 6-8 years at least, so we don't make plans, we kinda take it easy, I guess. and the movie thing could be a solution, yeah, but it wouldn't work, not with her. she has to feel comfortable and she never will in a room full of people
I've been in your place OP, it's not pretty. I felt unwanted and unloved, while struggling to make her go over her fears of sex [and her complete lack of sex ed, which was kinda sad for a 21 year old]. I ended up resenting her. In hindsight I should have broken up with her a long time before I actually ended things off. I loved the shit out of her and beyond the sex issues we got along pretty well.
Leave and find someone else. This kind of life is worth it only if you have a super low sex drive.
>she never will in a room full of people
why would there be a room full of people when you ask her over for movie nite ? put the dvd player in your room whatever
otherwise yes it is time for you 2 to start talking about these things
c'mon you've been dating for 18months do you want to keep dating her ? dating thru college can be difficult lots of other people available
If your relationship is number one, and sex is number two, how are you getting gipped this fucking hard? I mean how difficult is it to date someone who finds you attractive and fuck them? Holy cucks, Batman. I'd rather be alone than sexually rejected by a "girlfriend".
oh I thought you meant in a cinema, sorry haha I've said before that she won't come over, and movie night? that's really unlikely, I still live with my parents and stuff.
and yeah, things in college are different, but I think we're doing pretty great together, I know she really likes me and I like her too. it's just this...thing.
Nice try. It's pretty obvious you are 16 at most.
>together for over a year and a half
You didn't mention anything about being religious, which would be the only reason why adults wouldn't have sex.
I think it's time you start having a frank conversation about it. These things don't resolve themselves, and it'll only get worse over time as you bottle it all up.
It may not be comfortable and you may not get the result that you want, but the only way the relationship is going to grow is if you can communicate about these things.
You need to sit down with her and have a serious talk.
Sex is not something bad or evil, it's an important part of a healthy relationship. She needs to know that despite of how much you care about her, the lack of intimacy is not only difficult for you but it actually hurts the relationship itself.
Not always, my first gf was 20 when I hooked up with her and I've been in OP's situation [as I stated a couple of posts above]. She wasn't religious, but she was raised by a mom who treated sex as something shameful [despite the fact she was constantly audibly fucking her husband - even when I was visiting!]. So my ex was super scared about all things sexual and knew pretty much nothing about how things work.
In that case, you seriously need to do something. Start by touching her. Making out. Touching her in more intimate places. Get into bed together. Just turn up the heat. Seriously, how can you have dated for that long and not even touched her intimately?
and how am I even supposed to bring up something like this? we're both going through an important time in our lives, with starting college and stuff (we're both in med school so, yeah, tons of work) and I don't wanna ruin it, I'd rather wait. but I think I've waited for a long time and I have no idea how she feels about it (she just seems oblivious) and it's kinda killing me inside
>She does want to have sex with me. She"s just afraid.
It shouldn't be this hard to convince her unless she's guilty, deluded, or on anxiety panic level 9. I don't even know what to tell you, or why you're willing to cuck yourself.
Maybe try asking her what conditions need to be satisfied first.
I've said that I have. and it made her feel uncomfortable, supposedly because we were in public, but I've invited over and she always had an excuse. not feel like insisting, specially because she never suggested something like that herself
I didn't say she wants to have sex with me. I know she finds me attractive, it's different. difference may be subtle, I know, but it's there. and I'm not cucking myself, I've said I've tried to do more but didn't work
yeah, I've thought about that too. but I mean, she has complimented my body and stuff, she really likes kissing, kissed me down the neck and stuff aaand on her tumblr she posts pictures of actors and such that she finds cute or hot, so, asexual? hmm
ok, so have you talked to her straight about this issue?
My guess is that she's waiting for the "right one" to have her first time with.. so you are not that person. Can be something different tho, but if I were you I would be just blunt and direct and ask her what's her deal is with it.
does she masturbate? has she orgasm-ed before? Is she into any kinks?
look stuff up online and show her see if she's into any of it. talk with her see how she responds to nurturing, see how she responds to domming. study these things anon. is she reserved for a reason? does she want to wait till marriage or is it not important to her?
There's a lot of things you can do without being direct, if being direct is met with "This is inappropriate/awkward." responses.
welp, there is your problem buddy. How the fuck are you supposed to have sex with someone when there are people around?
Girls sluttiness increase exponentially when you are alone with them. Try that and report results.
I love it when you guys don't read the whome thread and just assume stuff.I have invited her over. she said no. we've been in very quiet and even isolated-ish places, no people passing by or to be seen for like half an hour or more.
>bluntly asking if she masturbates is inappropriate
>but me trying to stick my wee wee parts in her pee pocket is chill
God damn anon, I hope she breaks up with you. you're fucking autistic. Even if I was implying you just asking her that bluntly, which I wasn't. There's still ways to find those things out.
God damn, you're a fucking potato.
Dump her and find someone that is willing to fuck. Don't give her any explanation on why you left her, just be vague and tell her you don't find her attractive anymore.
Of course, she'll jump the first chad's dick available but that's not your problem anymore.
Find someone who actually wants to be with you and not some girl that only wants your for the free attention.
I've thought about it, but it's easier said than done. I really like this girl, wish I could work things out with her and though I start to resent her I don't wanna hurt her, not really
You don't get how women think at all. You are her safe guy, someone to fall to if anything else fails.
That's why she doesn't dumps you, for her you are free-attention + beta-safe-guy, there's nothing to lose for her keeping you around, specially if she isn't giving you any poontang and you seem to be fine with it.
Honestly, do you think there are any difference between your "relationship" with her and a regular friendship besides the kisses you might have give her a couple of times?
Let me ask you something, do you have any friends in common you guys hang out with?
if the answer is not, she probably doesn't consider you even worth to hang out with her friends.
Open you eyes OP, stop putting pussies in a pedestal. That's why you aren't getting any.
Sorry to say, OP, but >>16394413 is most likely right. If she has sexual desires (which she might not) she doesn't see any of them with you. You're not someone she wants to have sex with.
There are far too many stories of "I was with my gf/fiancee for years and we never had sex because we were waiting for marriage" that end up with "she had sex with a guy at a party the first week she was in college".
Basically, your options are to man up and start being sexual, or break up.
well first of all I'm not beta, I can think of 5 other girls that I know are interested in me (3 of them actually told me). second of all, she has gone out with me and friends of mine, and I've seen her friends too, but she doesn't go out a lot, so I never actually went out with them, would be just me and a group of girls anyway. lastly, I don't put pussies in a pedestal, this is not my first girlfriend and I am a rational guy, not a delusional self pitying loser who'd do anything for a fuck
so basically I should either force her into it (even though she may not feel ready yet) or leave her? that's rough, anon. btw, I'll be back in a few minutes, do keep this thread alive, kinda making me feel better, weirdly
No one is saying you should force her to do anything. If after a year of a relationship you guys
aren't able to have a straight forward conversation about this issue, I would say there are more serious problems with your relationship than the lack of sex
If there are more women wanting your dick, why are you wasting your time with someone that isn't give you any?
For what you said you barely hang out with your gf. You sound like a submissive cuck.
No. But you need to make moves. If she's not ready after over a year of dating, she won't be ready for years to come either. Just start by being more touchy feely. Get her over to your place where the two of you can be alone. Take charge and escalate things. Of course if she resists... then, well, that's a very bad sign, and basically means she doesn't want to have sex with you. Ever.
I just recently turned 20, and I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, so I've been in your shoes before.
She's going to be prude if you're her first boyfriend, my girl was pretty prude too.
Are you attractive? Does she feel attracted to you? That's what matters the most. You have to look, feel, and be dominant.
That doesn't imply being a fucking toolbag, but you need to be all of that to get her "in the mood" or whatever you wanna call it.
Make HER want YOU instead.
You love her, that's understandable and I totally see where you're coming from. I know you don't wanna leave her because:
A. I know that she's gotta be absolutely beautiful for you to put up with this.
B. You've invested yourself so much into this and you don't wanna throw it away.
So don't throw it away, just work on it and mostly yourself a little bit.
I'm somewhat taken aback though cause a year and a half is a bit too long, this wasn't my case, but everyone's different so don't worry.
When this relationship is over (and it will be), you'll realize how wrong you were when you typed this.
I'm not the person you're replying to, but you do sound young and everyone with a little bit of experience knows better than this, that's why people are telling you to move on.
I am attractive, I mean, I am really fit and I've been told I'm handsome quite often.
And yeah, you get me anon, she really is unbelievable and I really do like her. I've been trying to be more "distant", as in less open and more flirty, because she always says I'm "cute" and cute is not the best of words to describe someone you wanna have sex with, imo, so maybe I have to change the way she sees me a little. and thanks, anon, what you said really hit home. really man, you get me, thank you so much for this.
well, I haven't asked lately because we always have tons of work for college, so idk. but I think it has to do with her father too, she once mentioned that, maybe he's not okay with it.
thank you man, I guess I really did need to talk about this, never talked about it to anyone, I just bottle it up, pretend it's all good. and it is, I mean, sex isn't everything, but I think you guys see my point here
dont jump her with the question "why dont you wana have sex?" ask her how she thinks things will be in the future, if u will marry or move in, if she wants kids, the kids thing is a good starter for the sex convo too
If you need a relationship that involves physical contact or sex more often than ZERO times, then you need to dump her. You can find someone who is more sexually compatible.
Women do it all the time and get praised for it.
Remember: More than ZERO times a year. Think about that.
I would do that, if she wasn't who she was and I didn't feel like I do about her. she's really special, she reallt is.she may hurt me in the future, or I may hurt her, true, but it will all be worth it anyway. she is worth it.
Nobody is telling you to dump her. Just that sex is a natural part of a relationship, and if you have been dating this long without it, it does put it into question just how serious your relationship actually is.
Are you retarded? Women's mags talk about how important it is to find a sexually compatible partner.
What if the situation was reversed and the girl wanted to have sex daily but the guy was only willing to have sex once or twice a month? Women would tell her to leave to find someone more compatible.
It is absolutely stupid to stay in a relationship with someone you're not compatible with. That creates resentment, which ruins it in the future no matter what.
Saying its shallow to want somone you can have sex with is like saying its shallow you want just a fuck buddy or shallow that you want just an emotional but non-sexual thing with. Its a judgement call based on society to moralize or feel superior to people that want a different life choice, just another method of social shame and control. It is within my right to find someone who wants to fuck every day over someone that only wants to do it once a week, because that's the kind of thing I want with another person. It is their right to find somone who is happy to find someone who only wants to fuck once a week like they do. We are all happier when we are honest and find the right person for us instead of ignoring our desires to try to not look shallow.
Unless you people don't agree with maslow.
But you want a relationship with a close emotional connection and sex, right? If that's not happening, she's not the right person. A girl in your situation would've jumped ship within the first month of not having everything they want in the relationship.
Saying that men shouldn't be shamed into staying in sexless relationships and should be as accepted as women for trying to get what they want in a relationship is "resentment towards women"?
Thanks for proving my point about cultural/social attempts to control people through shaming language.
no anon, that's not what I meant. what I mean is that you refer to girls as if they were this cold selfish being, something of a psycho really, just trying to please itself. and I gotta say i disagree
I have too. I also tend to hate most women, but I don't hate all of them because some of them are good people. Damn, letting my emotions out is making me feel better. I should do this more often.
>inb4 nice blog
No, im feeling very peaceful and positive.
There's some things people don't understand, however.
Girls don't automatically sleep with any guy who prospects them for sex. Girls pull away from creepy bar guys that kiss them out of nowhere. Why? Because they have been told they have freedom to choose who they do and do not want based on their own criteria. It comes from themselves.
No one picks friends or lovers because of trying to be good for them. You don't hand your number out to every girl you meet do you? If a girl, you don't hand your number out to every guy, either.
When we choose a friend or a sexual encounter, we base our decision based on how they make us feel, not on the idea that we should serve them in order to be selfless. We sometimes sit through boring movies or thing we don't like in order to foster a friendship or sexual relationship, because we want that thing to continue.
When we first meet a friend or a possible sexual or relationship prospect, we don't know them at all. We have weeded out all the other people around us for either friendship or sex, and focused solely on this person of whom we know nothing. This should be self-evident by the fact of the existence of the many thousands of people you come in daily contact with without wanting to go bowling with or fuck.
We choose who we want in our lives based on our own desires and motivation. Without this motivation, we would not even try to speak to them.
It's just a fact that everything we do is motivated for our own gain. Give and take in relationships is the mechanism by which relationships are sustained more for our own benefit.
How could anyone break up when they stop "feeling it" for another person, if they were always thinking of the other person's feelings and didn't want to hurt them? They'd stay in that relationship for some faux-altruistic purpose even though they no longer have feelings for them. Relationships would never end if people were selfless.
A popular girl was very nice to me for a while, always seemed happy to see me. She wanted a picture with me at a football game. I was very confused. She had a boyfriend who was objectively very much more attractive than me.
She was bullying me, right?
If you were a sad sack all the time and uninteresting as a person, then she was probably needing you to be into her. Some people can't handle not having enough attention, sexually or friendship-wise.
its naive to imagine that an attractive girl doesn't know she's too attractive.
Because, like girls who have "daddy issues", boys also go for girls that remind them of their mothers.
We go after the feelings of childhood that were created by the parent who's gender we're sexually attracted to later in life. It just "feels wrong" to be in a relationship with the opposite gender in any other form than the one our parents modeled for us.
I will try to make sure I don't do it to anyone else, as I consider it the worst evil. I think Socrates said that the only harm that can truly come upon you is harm to your soul.
actually, people are quite nice. It's just that monogamy is a joke. divorce rate 60% + people be cheatin yo. The few that are actually living monogamously throughout their life's are boring as fuck and have very low sex drive.
protip: it's not monogamy if one is cheating, even if the other one doesn't know.
confidence before looks, fam. in most cases.
It just happens to be that good looking people tend to be more confident. Self-fulfilling, but can be hacked.
no, but you probably could've played a better game at not football.
OP, what most people ITT aren't telling you is that you have to become more attracitve/seductive towards your gf.
based anon is >>16394520
Learn from people who know game. Don't be a tool, but understand what tools understand.
OP here, thanks man, that's what I'm gonna do, I'll try to be a little more 'distant' and you know, confident. I'll give my best to actually seduce her and not just be the nice guy she can depend on (which is where I'm at rn)
OP here, I'm going to sleep, /adv/, thank you for this, I think it helped. I'll keep updating you on the progress I make, may even make a new thread if this one dies (hope it doesn't). take care, anons
how is bissexualism a choice? bi people don't choose to like both sexes, they just do. true, they have more choice because they can either be with man or a woman, but still, that's nott the point