>guy I am dating asks me out on Monday for today
>next day get plans to see other guy and cancel
>he seems irritated even though I didn't tell him it was with another guy
>invite him to my birthday the same day
>he says maybe I'll think about it
>the next day he asks me to get coffee with him saying "we should talk about some stuff, it won't take long"
Is he going to break up with me? I don't want that, I actually like him. I haven't responded to that message yet, what can I do?
>Is he going to break up with me?
I sure do hope so.
>I don't want that, I actually like him.
Should have thought of that before you turned into a slut.
>I haven't responded to that message yet, what can I do?
You should kill yourself.
It's just a terminology thing. "Dating" used to mean (and to a lot of people still mean) being in a relationship.
Besides, OP is talking about "breaking up" which rather implies there's something solid to be broken.
Also OP is retarded for trying to invite him to something right after canceling something else. Way to double-dip.
You cancelled plans with the guy you are dating to see another guy, that sounds to me that you're not as into him as you lead us to believe.
But answering your question, he's probably going to ask for more time together. Have you blown him off more tha this one time?
yes, hes going to break up with you. i would too. if i get even the slightest suspicion that a girl im seeing (even if were not official) is blowing me off to see someone else, i drop it like its hot. i dont expect exclusivity if it hasnt been discussed, but i dont like being misled.
Regardless of what you may think, when you get in a relationship it is an exclusive thing. If you want to go out with another guy then dump the first. Don't whore around behind his back.
I was supposed to go to a movie premiere of his on Thursday of last week, but I got off of work around 9:15 and the movie was at 9:30. So I called him and told him I was coming and couldn't stay long and sort of guilt tripped him into letting me out of it.
Ignore all the slut-shamming from the zero-experience tards who just jealous because they can't even date, let alone do it casually.
>Is he going to break up with me?
>We aren't exclusive and have only been on a few dates.
You don't "break up" with someone you're casually dating, you just stop seeing them.
So if you're choosing to use the words "break up", that kind of suggests you should either reassess what it means to casually date, or reassess how you actually feel about this guy, because that's kind of a slip.
Either way, you're jumping to conclusions. Just hear him out, and deal with it then. No point driving yourself crazy over this when you can't do anything.
perhaps that was a little blunt but the point is valid.
people need to realize that stringing someone along while dating someone on the side is a terrible thing to do. imagine you really love someone and then you find out they are sucking dicks on the side, without you knowing.
wouldnt you feel hurt or betrayed? it's selfish.
Dating casually isn't a new or outrageous concept. Plenty of people, men and women alike, do it. If you want to be exclusive with someone, you have to make that explicitly clear. You aren't an item until you agree to be an item. You don't suddenly become boyfriend and girlfriend because you go out for coffee a couple of times. It's a way of exploring your options BEFORE making a commitment; dating one person exclusively before you know if you want to be exclusive is silly, and limits yourself arbitrarily.
If you misunderstand the concept, that's on you.
oh I see, you're one of those "we arent official" types.
in my eyes, if you are dating you dont fuck people on the side. but what would I know?
isnt it common human decency not to lead people on?
>told him I was coming and couldn't stay long
>sort of guilt tripped him into letting me out of it
Typical manipulation. How hard is it to be honest? Instead you make him guilty so that he let's you go, so that you can wash your hands of any wrong doing by saying "He said it's OK!"
You are never supposed to assume. Both sides should be honest from the get-go. Never assume it's completely monogamous, and similarly, never assume your dating partner isn't going to be offended if you don't tell them. From day 1, it should be made crystal clear to the other person that you are or are not seeing other people. That way they can decide from the get go whether or not they want to go on the date. It's a deal breaker for some, and others don't give a shit because they're doing the same thing.
>never assume it's monogomous
why the fuck not? it's a date. why would you date multiple people at the same time? and why would you not tell the guy/girl that you are seeing other people?
it's incredibly selfish, and disgusting tbh. you are leading people on unfairly. and you feel no remorse at all for it. why?
I think you should make it explicitly clear that you are seeing other people. then it's ok. let people make decisions based on this knowledge. dont go out with someone and give them the impression you arent seeing anyone else.
No, if you're on a date with me, you're on a date with me; stepping out to do anything with anyone else, sexual or romantic or platonic, would be disrespectful. If you go on a date with a different girl the next day, you're similarly on a date with her. If you get your dick sucked, whatever, sounds like a good night. If you choose to become official with her after getting your dick sucked, you break it off with me and anyone else you're casually seeing.
I get the feeling you're really inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Your feelings reflect what I thought dating was when I was a teenager, before I had any real relationships. But dating casually is a very common and accepted way of exploring potential love interests before diving in headfirst to a real relationship.
No, I date people one at a time (I just can't. I just get confused dating multiple people. All the conversations just start to meld so I have absolutely no idea who said what and it becomes impossible for me to keep track of).
Anyway, given that you chose to completely ignore my question, I'm going to go ahead and assume that means: No, you have never had a girlfriend, or even actually been on a date.
That also means you have absolutely nothing to contribute here because you're viewpoint has absolutely no relevance and you're just speaking out of your ass.
so what if the girl im seeing is just sucking my dick casually, no relationship? and then I choose to continue seeing you casually, under the impression that we may date.
is this acceptable?
sorry, but I dont think using people this way is normal. but hey, whatever floats your boat. we dont all have the same ethics after all.
A FWB, you mean? Also not a problem, as long as it stops when you form an exclusive relationship. My boyfriend had two FWBs and another potential love interest when I started seeing him. I had one potential love interest other than him. After we decided we were a good fit, we knocked our shit off with everyone else, and we'll have been together for four years as of this December.
If that sort of situation doesn't work for you, just make it clear to whoever you start dating that you don't do the casual shit.
I see, well some of us value loyalty. but im glad your poly/whatever arrangement is working, I guess.
I just dont understand why people wouldnt care that someone they love is fucking someone else on the side. what good is intimacy if it isnt with one partner?
then again im not a slut so this is all foreign to me.
You severely misunderstand the concept. It's not poly, and you don't owe any loyalty to someone that you go out with a few times to "feel out" the situation. Our relationship is monogamous.
We came to the conclusion after a few dates that we really, really were into each other. We decided then to be boyfriend and girlfriend. We stopped seeing other people. We only love each other. We only fuck each other. We're likely going to marry, probably in 2017.
I didn't think this was a difficult concept. You're not boyfriend and girlfriend just because you went out to eat, or kissed in a movie theater once. What country are you in? Maybe things are done differently there, I'm in the USA.
That's exactly what I said in that post.
>From day 1, it should be made crystal clear to the other person that you are or are not seeing other people. That way they can decide from the get go whether or not they want to go on the date.
Stop wasting your time. You're talking to desperate college kids who have never so much as held a girl's hand. Of course they're going to be under the impression that the first person to give them a chance is going to be their one and only for their entire lives.
You're right. I just didn't realize that casual dating was such an alien concept to people. Probably have been led to over-romanticize the pre-relationship phase by media influence.
You should understand that 4Chan is an international page, meaning that there are people of all types of religions and belief in here. You shouldn't think you're better than everyone else here just because some don't believe in sex before marriage or having multiple partners before been exclusive. You should broaden your mind a bit and stop been so thick headed and egotistical. There are millions and millions of people that honestly believe in dating as in hanging out and just talking with that person and kissing and sex as something between couples only or husband and wife. Grow up. Same to all the others in this thread shaming in the people they automatically judge as virgin children.
No one is going to argue that. It's common courtesy. Adults interested in adult relationships, who are wise to the dating world, have those conversations because no one wants to waste time.
Try talking to people who date in their 30s, 40s or older. They know exactly how it goes.
i married my first bf, so i have 0 experience here- but i always thought there was a "casual dating" phase where you just date different people to get to know them vs a "in a relationship" or "serious dating" phase that's exclusive to one person?
someone educate me please
Way to out yourself as a newfag to /adv/. If you spent any time here at all, you'd know that this isn't a hugbox of diversity. It's a cesspool of trolls and desperate fucks. Take that shit to tumblr if you're so concerned about people making generalizations. They're made based on knowing your environment. You clearly do not know the /adv/ environment.
I'm a dude.
Like I said, I date women one at a time.
I have a girlfriend that I love.
I was abstinent (meaning I had opportunities to not be) 'til 24 because I was conservative with the people I dated, and wanted to wait 'til I found the right person.
You realize you are the reason why so many virgin men get looked at weird right?
all im saying is it's inconsiderate to see multiple people IF you dont make it clear that you are seeing multiple people.
omitting that fact cause it doesnt come up isnt good either.
Is nice to see people like you accept your position as a wannabe troll or a desperate virgin just by wasting your time in here. Also, not everyone here is like that fag.
Anyway, this whole thread is a waste of time and I'm not even sure what OP is trying to accomplish since she shouldn't have hang out with a guy that couldn't handle her meeting other guys. She brought this upon herself.
And I'm saying that if you've never been on a date, it's impossible for you to know what the common conventions are. It's 2015. People casually date. For the vast majority, that is the default assumption until people mention otherwise or say the word "exclusive"
That was on my 2nd date with my girlfriend.
virgin men used to get a bad rep because of embarrassment and childishness.
Now it's getting a bad rep because of shit like /r9k/ and Elliot Roger.
Fucks sakes you are ten ply bud
This thread exists because people want you to be mad about it
It's a daily troll thread even
I know you can't recognise them because really don't know any better
But God dam atleast be able to pick out the daily woman hate general troll threads
I'm not offended by it. I just don't see the relevance. Also maybe people would take you a little more seriously and not assume that you're really young of you didn't use grade school attacks in every post.
You sound like my whore of an ex. She was always like "I don't have to say who I have been in the past nor you cared about my sexual past". She then broke down one day saying she had massive daddy issues and fucked like 30 guys and regret it. Typical women.
I'm not sure how I sound like her since my post didn't imply anything like that, and I also personally disagree with her, and I'm also a guy.
It sounds like you just got hurt in the past and are projecting super hard on everyone.
I'm not defending anyone. There's nothing to defend.
I'm saying if she fucked both guys before they were officially in a relationship, then it doesn't go against what she was saying. It's not relevant.
I'm not going to call you a slut or whatever for seeing multiple guys casually while dating. You don't need to be exclusive when dating.
That said, you said "break up". If you're not together, you don't break up. There's nothing to break. If there is something to break, then you shouldn't be seeing the other guy.
But you're a total scumbag to the first guy for ditching him for another guy then worrying if he'll stop seeing you. He should, because you chose another guy over him
Can't believe you all kept arguing over this. Nope. I have fucked two men in my life, both of which I had a relationship with, and both of those relationships lasted several years (still in one).
Not sure why you're so keen on fueling your bitterness, but since that answer probably didn't satisfy your hate-lust, here you go: I don't think it's wrong to fuck people you aren't dating.
Hope that helps.
The problem isn't that you're dating multiple people. If you haven't both agreed to be in an exclusive relationship, then you're not. If he assumes you are, then you have to correct him and tell him you're not. You're not in a committed relationship, you're just dating. People do it all the time, especially as you get older. When you're looking for a relationship, why try 1 person at a time to see if you're compatible over the course of a few dates? Why not date several people and find out faster who you like or don't?
The real problem here (to any mature, reasonable adult person) is that you made plans with dude 1, and canceled when you got a better option with dude 2. That's bogus and not cool to anyone. If you make plans with friend A and then friend B invites you to a party, you stick with what you scheduled first.
If you're going to break an appointment to spend time with another human being (whether date or hanging out), then you don't go have fun with someone else. You call it off because of work, family, emergency, health, etc. Those are socially acceptable conditions. But dumping date for another is an asshole move.
Yes, he may want to stop seeing you. If you don't want that to happen then too bad. You should have thought about it before you canceled on him. Canceling on him to do something else more fun is a great way to say "I don't value you as a person as much as I value this dude. I don't care about honoring commitments I made with you and I don't respect your time." Would you want someone to say that to you?
you dont find it the slightest bit wrong to date multiple people at the same time?
who cares if it is more efficient. you shouldn't use people like that, should be one person at a time. not this poly-mory nonsense. giving someone the sense that you are dating them while fucking other people on the side, is incredibly dishonest. if I knew I was dating someone that was seeing another guy on the side, it would end on the spot.
I'm married, and I personally only dated one person at a time, but unless you're in an exclusive relationship, you shouldn't assume. You're not their significant other yet. The more dates you go on with a particular person, the sketchier it becomes, but it's not poly anything because you're literally not in a relationship with them yet. You also don't need to be sleeping with someone to date them. But yes, you should also always be open and honest with people you're dating.
my point is, if you are "dating casually" you should not be intimate with other people. imo, it's dishonest to the girl/guy who is trying to form a relationship potentially. yeah, you arent "exclusive" yet, but do you think they would stay around if they knew you were dating people besides them?
I find it dishonest. and I doubt many men or women would stick around knowing this truth.