Why am I not worthy of anybody else's time? What makes me undeserving of their presence? No matter how much I reach out to people and try to become friends the only thing I get is rejection and another person avoiding me. All I need to be happy is for a person to treat me like like a regular human being, is that really too much to fucking ask for? I have been actively socially isolated for years now. People are always pushing me aside, and I can't stand living like this anymore. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need any fucking sign. I will give it my all to improving whatever is wrong, and I will do my best at any opportunity, just fucking let me have one.
After I have spent a whole three day weekend browsing /r9k/ and doing none of my homework, I decided to stop browsing -chans. I have survived about two weeks until I "crashed" yesterday and stayed at home and browsed all day and missed on going to gym and missed my classes. I feel so lonely, and -chans quench, or at least numb my loneliness a bit. I don't have any friends and find it hard socializing with people, but I feel like I need it really bad.
I'm starting a healthier lifestyle: junk food out, fruits and veggies in. And I prolly should eat more proteins and red meat with iron because I'm 99% sure I have anemy, but fuck it. I don't like meat. It's not even that I'm bothered that I'm a hamplanet (gave up hopes for having a bf ages ago) but my hair are getting shittier and I can't let that happen, they are easily the only thing I really like in myself. I'm too lazy to work out though so there's that.
well... I'm lonely. but I think I'm okay with that. every romance is fleeting, and that's not too bad, because at least for a moment we can pretend we loved. and every sad song seems to be about the fool.
I've known her since 2005 but neither of us were single or close enough to ever date. Happened to run into her at a college friend's party and I had flashbacks to all the times we talked for hours and hours even though we were both taken. She's talented, interesting, fun, insanely attractive, down to earth, and loyal but not zealous. The more I talk with her and the more time we spend together the more I think she's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's only been a few weeks so I'm not going to do anything stupid but I can't believe she actually picked me.
I feel so disconnected from other people. I figure a lot of it is basically self-inflicted, since for whatever reason I can't seem to just let myself have positive feelings. It's like there has to be some sort of feedback every time I feel remotely happy. I've tried burying that by smoking pot, but at some point or other, things start getting introspective and I'm left in a similar emotional state as when I'm sober. I don't really have any close friends in my town and all the ones I made while in college have gone to different corners of the country. Webcams help a little, but it's not the same as being able to really hang out with them.
>>16410256 I know I'm worthy. I think I'm pretty awesome. But I don't know if I can live the rest of my life being constantly surrounded by people who do this to me. I've moved from my home town to an island, now I'm preparing to move to another country. There's no escape from it, and I don't want to live like this anymore. All I'm looking for is someone to do things with and nobody lets me.
>>16410330 If you have the opportunity to go to parties then you never had a problem to begin with.
Alright so mean girls over there Jason and Freddy over here Zombie fat loungo fan in the lounge Some serious faggot artist type over there lol Some racist gorilla guy about to chimp out over there That one antisocial girl asking why she's here And then the nazis came in
>talk for weeks >make a date >talk all day about the date >disappears at the last moment, no contact for hours.
I know I shouldn't assume the worst but I'm gonna go ahead and assume the worst. Pretty big chance I've been stood up by this dude and it really gets me going. If you don't want to come out, just say so. It's really not that hard. That way I can get comfortable and not get my hopes up. yeah there's a possibility he got "held up" but even then you can cancel instead of making me wait.
I used to be one of the smartest kids in high school. I don't know why, but I just can't (or don't- how can I tell?) do anything anymore. I'm failing out of college again. I'm so dumb compared to everyone else now. I have no job prospects. People say I'm not living up to my potential, but I'm acting the only way I know how, so how can I not be? I used to think I was depressed or something. Well I am, but that's not the root of the problem. I'm just flawed somehow.
When I was "young" I thought being older was being different. It's not. It's about parts of yourself being multiplied 700 times. I don't know what part of me will be multiplied, that's the big question. I focus on myself now, and on people I really find interesting. I learnt what to value, even if I can't really define it. K, I just...I like you, I like to have sex with you, I like to talk with you. But you're a child and I'm not sure I can help you. Years before I would have give everything, but not now. If you are not able to manage your relationships, I only can give ideas. But I will not sacrifice myself. You're very intelligent, it's somewhat frustrating to see you being so predictable. There are so much things I need to tell you. I just hope you'll give me the oportunity to do so. I'm probably not the love of your life, but after me I really want you to know how to trat women. Kundera said a real man knows how to end his realtionships. If you really want to fuck thousands of women, I justcan push you to be a good memory to all of them. G. I'm sorry I can't take care of you. You gave birth to me for that reason. You wanted me to be an object. I will never be yours. I'm sorry our family story is so sad. I'm sorry you're such a broken child in an adult mind. I'm sorry, but between you and me I choose me. It will be hard to face your owndeath, but you wil be alone. I'll be alone too.
I can't get past the fucking earliest stages of actually dating a girl. Every time I attempt to get closer and make an attempt I crash and burn. My latest failure:
>Meet cute girl at bar i hangout >meet up with her and friends and play a few group games >we have a good connection and get along well >she always seems to be teasing me but it's for fun >finally after the second time of hanging out ask her out >says she'll be busy that day i asked >then she just finishes her drink smiles mischievously and leaves >few days later we're friends on fb and we're chatting back and forth >ask and again after things seem to smooth out >get silent treatment >hangout with her again and she still seems friendly >her friends begin getting passive aggressive towards me >think one of them called me a fuckboy
And now I can't make a move because I don't wanna look desperate. I'm pretty sure she's not interested but so far since my blunder we're always paired off and I get even more flustered and annoyed because I have no clue as to what to do.
I borrowed a friend's car, drove to another state, and am where I want to be. I left him a sizeable chunk of cash, and have arranged to have it towed in the morning. I had little choice, considering my situation, but I still regret it.
I have left letters at my apartment for my family, and a few close friends. I wrote you a letter, but I have left it with my mother; considering the two of you hate one another, if she decides to give it to you... so be it. Everyone believes I am going on vacation, so chances are it will be a while before I am missed.
Everything is in place. I'm going to listen to some music, pin a safe shot, reflect, and remember. After that, I'm done.
Can I just ask something here so I hopefully don't need to make a new thread about it?
I got a Barium Swallow a month and a bit ago, and it's been stressing me the hell out. Like really really badly, my anxiety has skyrocketed for a few reasons.
First of all, the guy who did the test on me is a moron that didn't give me correct instructions, thus subjecting me to more radiation than I needed to be getting (Barium Swallow is already 2 years worth of radiation which is a shit load compared to say a chest x-ray which is like 2 days worth). Drinking the liquid was fine, and everything went smooth, but when it came to swallow some food, I had it in my mouth ready and he told the person who was with him to switch the machine on then immediately told me to swallow. I have swallowing difficulties (which is why I went to this damn test in the first place) so I couldn't swallow immediately, I had to chew for like 10 seconds before I could swallow the thing, all the while this machine was on pumping radiation into me. This all could have been avoided if he had just told me it was okay to fucking prechew the damn piece of food I had in my mouth.
I know that might sound like I'm over exaggerating, but the other parts of the test had the machine on for like 3 seconds ish at a time, while that last one was one for like 15 seconds, pointing at my damn neck blasting me with radiation all because I couldn't chew and swallow the food fast enough.
Now I have a lump on my neck under my ear which has appeared recently, I've went to an ENT and they're sending me to get a ultrasound and then a biopsy on it if need be.
I'm sure it's going to be lymph cancer, despite my GP telling me radiation doesn't work that fast.
Can I not sue the cunt who performed the barium swallow on me for not giving me correct instructions? All he had to do was tell me to fucking have the food chewed up and ready to swallow, but he didn't say that.
I'm so goddamn angry, I can barely think straight.
>>16410916 I guess I'm getting neuropsychological testing for an executive functions problem (part of the brain relevant to taking action, decision making, etc.) but I don't know if that'll tell me anything or help. I hope
>>16410908 I have a few more years than you to figure it out but right now it's a large problem in my life, I've become accustomed to failure if I even try.time feels too fast and I see opportunities go by and feel indifferent
I hate how my life is and I'm too broke to change it for right now. I love my kids and my husband and I need to work on our relationship but I absolutely hate my job. I sit at a computer all day reading police reports and reading about a bunch of criminals that hardly ever change for the better. Then I bring home pay that doesn't make ends meet at all and I have to be away from my kids so much that I don't feel as connected to them as I should. I don't know what they're being taught at daycare and school and I don't know how they're doing really. I only see them for a few hours a day...and all for what? To barely make rent and basic bills? Wtf am I doing? I hate the state I live in. It's a financial trap.
I am in a dead end relationship. There aren't many problems, but it's just not there. Some days, yeah I can think "man I'm so lucky to have such a sweet guy who cares for me so much." but my problem is... Do I care for him that much? I don't think I do. The circumstances we are both in make it hard to leave though. Especially because I do care about him. We work together and live together. Bad choices all around. I know. But if I left him, he would have nowhere to go, would probably quit his job, and it would be all my fault. I can't live with that guilt, but I also know that I can't continue this relationship. I mean I have already developed a crush on someone that works with us but a different location. Like we instantly connected. I'm not gonna do anything slutty or anything but if I can feel this way about someone else then wtf am I doing here still? I need to figure this shit out. Fast. I just have such a big heart and can't throw someone I care about in the streets. Id just feel so selfish... Even though I know it's okay to be sometimes.
>>16410943 I've had the lump for over a month now. It's really hard, feels like bone (obviously it's not a bone though). I knew I would regret going to that Barium though, and I really do now, especially since it gave me 0 info about my swallowing difficulties (which I've had for like 5-6 years now).
I don't have a camera to take the picture, but in pic related is where the lump is located.
>maybe someone who knows more might be able to calm your nerves.
I should probably add that I do seem to have a phobia of cancer. No other disease or illness or anything bothers me.
>Also what do you mean by two years dose of radiation?
I just know that a chest X-ray adds the equivalent of like 2 days or something minor like that worth of radiation, while a Barium Swallow is the equivalent of 2 years worth. What's making me more anxious is how long the machine was on, pointing at my neck, while I'm desperately trying to hurry up and chew the food to swallow it. That part of the Barium could have went smoothly if the guy had just told me to chew the food before he turned the machine on. It took me like 10-15 seconds before I could swallow the thing.
I don't know though man, my head is fucked up with paranoia due to how long it took the doctors to diagnose me with Celiac Disease. I had that for 7 years before they figured out what it was (I was going to the doctors at least once a week for most of those years, and they kept telling me the pain was all in my head) before they finally realized what the cause was.
Anyway thanks, you've actually helped calm my nerves somewhat with what you said as well as your image.
>>16410790 am i the only one that thinks that sounds like a comfy way to go out?
>probably outside on a nice night >in a place that means something and brings feels >listening to music that is meaningful to them >get a good high going >remembering all the good >go out on a positive note mentally while getting insanely fucked up >die in a painless way >had the decency to put affairs in order
i hope you go peacefully even if that also sounds sad as fuck.
It seems I have talent at the one thing I've ever wanted to do but it's not viable to make a living from it. Out of a deep-seated sense of self-loathing I'm incapable of maintaining healthy relationships and hardly care to look after myself physically, so the future's not looking like much fun. I've enjoyed a lot of life so far but it's only going to get worse so I find myself seriously considering how to check out while causing the least disruption to the remaining few around me. I don't feel sad about it, just that it seems like it's nearing time for me to go. Maybe it's just a phase.
I want to think I want to kill myself, but I know at the same time I don't want to. Nothing has been working for me. I feel stressed, anxious, alone, weary, and depressed. I avoid talking to anyone other than 1 person about my problems because to the rest of them they either make it a joke or I have to make it a joke or else I'm some sort of buzzkill. For the first time in 4 years I tried dating. I talked to a beautiful girl, and ended up going to a dance with her, but after that she never texted back, never wanted to do anything, and then told me she wasn't interested, and after that I saw her in a park with another guy rolling around the grass with each-other. It made me regret trying to be social again, my extroverted tendencies becoming the downfall of my self esteem. I feel like a waste of life, a waste of money, and that I've failed myself and my friends. I'm not even that close to my own family. I'm scared of living alone, scared my school life wont be worth it, and now even my social life is decaying around me. I wish I was more brave, more attractive, or just a better person. I don't see why this is happening to me, because everything was much better last year, and even better the year before. I wish I knew what to do, I don't want to waste my life further and upset my friends further by killing myself, but I don't see how I can obtain a positive. It feels bleak, lonely, and dark. I wish I knew what to do.
i got desperate for sex so i fucked an ugly girl because why not? i began to regret it right away but i figured i might as well see it all the way through. but then she told me to pull out when i was about to cum even though i was wearing a condom. so i just got up and left.
I feel like I need to change direction in my life because I feel like I'm genuinely not that great at the career I'm currently trying to pursue. The problem is that I don't know what I SHOULD pursue and I'm under a lot of pressure to finish up and start succeeding. It's starting to drive me up a wall and I'm afraid its going to lead to another suicide attempt.
As far as I look back, I was a terribly unsocial troglodyte. Now, I have evolved and improved to a point of seemingly normal level. I am proud of how far I've gone, even if it was without my loved ones' existence. I hope she sees me from the heavens above, noticing how far I've gone in life and such. She was the only one I've ever had the pleasure of talking to, sharing feelings, and the only one I felt was worth hugging. If you're up in the skies reading as I typed this letter, I have two phrases to say:
Tatianna, I just wanna be happy again. What I would do to make you mine. I don't want to live this life alone anymore. I'm sorry I'm a fucking creep. I fucking can't stand myself for it. I just want a girlfriend who understands me and is okay with the awkwardness. Once you get to know me I'm not like that at all usually. I just want a good person to be a part of my life. All I want is someone to love me and encourage me and my dreams. I don't have anyone here for that anymore. She died a long time ago.
I hate everything about it. I hate how my dad is an alcoholic drunk, who has literally lost brain cell's making him into a god damn bigot.
My Mom is a god damn slob who can't take care of herself.
and my brother is a lazy piece of shit who wont take responsibility for anything he does, let alone actually have the decency to fucking come home to help out.
what's even fucking worse is that I can't fucking leave! I'm stuck in this god forsaken city because I still have to finish college, and I still want to have a good paying job. I don't have a girlfriend because I don't want to end up like my father, and I don't have a social life because I want to succeed in school so I can get done faster.
but that's exactly what everyone keeps fucking harping on me the most. "Why aren't you social anon?" "why don't you smile anon?"
I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, I AM SO FUCKING DONE.
and yet, I don't even have the courage to end my life.
My father is a drunk piece of shit as well. My mother is not only a slob, but she's quite interdependent with others, especially me. This fucked me up. My brother is also a lazy asshole.
And indeed, assuming you're in the same place as I am, this place is kinda shitty. I'm in a big county wherein everyone acts like city folk.
I just spaghetti with girl acquaintances, but I'm now just slightly more social. College fucking sucks, and I'm trying to win by a hairsbreadth.
The biggest difference between you and I is the fact that my world crumbled thanks to my mother's NEETness catching up to her. I am now living with someone else who not only supports herself, but is actually teaching me how to function in the real world.
No one questions my social stance as everyone knows I'm a recluse, yet they support me anyway.
It'll get better, buddy, you just have to dance the dance. As we both dance the dance, we'll succeed.
I can't tell whether people are becoming interested in me, or my ego is just inflating.
Like, some fucking 10/10 g.o.a.t girl (personality and looks) kept looking at me, but it might have just been because I kept looking at her. And even if there was intent, I wouldn't have done anything because I'm still pretty beta.
I am stuck in a paradox of self-depreciative over-estimation.
>work retail managing >hate all of these fucking mongoloids that work under me >thinking about looking for another job >hate everything about this shit job and retards that work for me >get the paycheck >suck it up for another two weeks slowly on the decline hating these faggots more and more >keep telling myself it pays for school and i'll only be here a little while longer
I'm starting to regret the decision of moving in with the girl I care about. The thought of her being around is sickening and I don't think I'll be getting along with her since I called her out for being the local PD's cumdumpster. At least it's a step away from drugs being in the house constantly.
society supports all but I fall through the cracks. family supports all but I fall through the cracks. just short of approval, short of good enough. short of personhood. your hypocrisy is criminal. beware the corner you're pushing me into, don't want me too close to anything flammable. I'll burn the house down, scorch the land. I leave those that corner me stranded and walk through MY world to anything new. ruin, and fire are my element I keep hidden. playing hopscotch with the path stones till I find one that fits. till life finally weds me with that sweet blind security, so insecure and messy.
if this is the way my path leads I'll follow it. she's never led me wrong. never. even when I thought death was my only option, that ending it was the best way out; I learned and progressed.
I have to shit-test everyone in my life because so many friends and relationships have turned out to be fucking awful people. Pedos, abusers, rapists. You would have never expected these people to be them. Now my bf is starting to hate me for screening him for these things because he feels like I never trust him. I need some god damn empathy but he needs some god damn respect from me. I'll worry for days about something horrible about him being true. I can't stop. I'm switching medications and crying like a bitch and I hate myself and I don't want to talk to anyone besides him because human interaction and life is so unbearably miserable.
I've come to the decision that I can fully trust you with my heart. You've shown that you have my best interests at heart and legitimately care for me. I pledge myself to you until you decide to cast me aside. I am yours. Stay kind.
O so scurried of being judge so use drugs use drugs all day act high and mighty oh no ho take everything seriously a ha mad on Chinese cartoon site man just they poor emotional control very poo bad bah a bye a aha
I just can't begin to understand why you make me feel so shitty. I love you and you love me but we barely talk. You're distracted by games. I'm working and I have college courses. Maybe it is just me not being able to trust you.
I think this relationship is tearing me up inside.
I'm not one to beg for attention. I hate doing that and it is making me resent you. Not only that, but when I have a real issue you act like it is too much for you to handle when I tell you that all I need is someone to listen.
If I fucking wanted your inexperienced advice, I'd god damn ask for it.
You're still dependent on your parents. You're shitty with money. You dont support me emotionally and I feel like we are just in it for the sex.
This is gonna end up ugly if I don't confront you. But, honestly I don't see the point anymore. You are too lazy and insecure to admit to your own faults and it doesn't help that your so god damn stubborn.
You've made me scared to open up to you now and I've told you this. So, fuck you, too.
I wish I fit in somewhere in the world, or found people who looked forward to being around me.
I try so hard to socialize and make new friends or find a group to be apart of but no matter how much I put myself out there nobody seems interested enough in me. Nobody talks to me unless I talk to them, nobody invites me anywhere. It just makes me feel like i'm bothering everyone by trying to talk to them and be their friend, or like i'm intruding on people's lives.
I just feel so alone, and no matter how much I try to surround myself with people it seems like nobody is interested in me, even as a friend.
I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I've been told i'm funny with a good personality. I try very hard to get to know people and ask questions about them. But even then it just doesn't seem like enough to get people interested hanging out or chatting more. I doubt anybody thinks about me or remembers me when i'm not around.
>>16412798 How old are you and how large a city/town do you live in?
I remember some of the most awkward, socially inept people seemed like they were trying far too hard, seemed too needy. If you have some kind of hobby, see if there is a public outlet for it. Dungeons & Dragons? Many game stores have public D&D games.
I feel like every day I'm farther and farther from the societal norm. I feel like this is a false reality and it's closer to shattering. Though I know logically that's not the case, I'm finding it harder to imagine consequences - like my life functions on a moment to moment basis, not day to day or month to month.
I have such violent urges, too, but I can only describe them as violent in retrospect. I don't think I want to hurt people, but I feel curious about how it would feel to do so, and I like the power that comes with it. I also have weird waves of narcissisim - where I feel such disgust for them.
I am not sure what I want to do. Real life isn't foggy like a dream, and I don't feel like I'm delusional or anything, but real life feels no more real than a dream. I feel like I could ruin things or steal things and it would be no less normal than breathing.
I don't really plan to do anything, it just seems strange to feel this way, when everyone else seems to function so normally. At the same time I don't remember feeling any different ever, just as if things have intensified. Though my memory seems hazy, like a dream, too...
I've recently finished university and I'm applying for 'real' jobs while I live at my parents house. I am confident with that part of my life. But I want to have sex with a girl around my own age instead of prostitutes (which i've had many times). I've never flirted with, been rejected by, or done anything with non prostitutes.
I have no idea what to do. I have zero social life or social circle, which I'm completely happy about except that social circle related advantages are the only way to get girls in the UK. I've realised that cold approaching girls seems to be a bit of a may may, and even when people admit to doing it they have horrifically low success rates (at even getting the girl's number). Online dating isn't an option because I'm not a Chad, though I'm tall, smart(er than average), /fit/, read lots of books etc. so I'm not some giant vidya / anime sperg with a neckbeard.
What the fuck do I do? I beat myself up over not talking to girls at the store, yet I also beat myself up for being so deluded that I think approaching girls in random places is a worthwhile tactic. I bet I would just come across as some guy who wants the sex but without the work of a friendship circle (though I know approaching means asking for a number, not sex).
The advice i hear about joining clubs seems pathetic and for desperate people. I have interests that I'm in to, it just seems so phony and cringeworthy going to some yoga club (LOL) to transparently go after women rather than pursue a genuine interest.
Are all other males living it up or do they have barren sex lives? The only thing that keeps me sane is Sturgeon's Law (90 % of everything is shit). I tell myself that as soon as I put in any effort in to anyhting then I'll ascend above 90 % of people at it (including the people who don't do "it").
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH A TEENAGER I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS ONLY CAMMING YOU MADE THE CHOICE TO WHIP OUT YOUR DICK AND MASTURBATE WITH HER SECONDS AFTER YOU TALKED TO ME I CAN'T GET OVER IT AND IF I BRING IT UP YOU GET ANGRY AT ME FOR STILL HURTING YOU'RE FUCKING 25 YOU SHOULD NOT BE FUCKING AROUND WITH 16 YEAR OLD GIRLS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU I HATE MYSELF
>>16413283 shut up you saggy philosophical faggot he's going to blow his brains out because a girl doesn't like him. it's not beautiful. writing it in a flowery way doesn't make such a dumb and permanent act romantic.
>Halloween event in the mall I work at >upwards of 800 kids trick or treating >stores are invited to buy candy to hand out >I buy 5 big bags of candy out of my own pocket >run out quite fast >grocery stores nearby have no candy to sell either >put up sign saying my store is out of candy >guy walks past with his kid >"Candy? " >"Sorry I ran ou-" >he yells cheapskate at me >feels bad man
been on the other end of that. Been the mouth-breather worker and found that bosses suck and only like the ass-kissers. Put myself through 7 years of that shit for college then finally got a good job in a good career.
I feel you. I'd hate to be a boss over the people I used to work with. Fuck retail, man.
Life would be so much easier if I didn't have these feelings for you. I try but we had this connection . What is sad is that we never had an opportunity to get to know each other from the get go. But yet we've had every.
>Not being a ninja-pornographist It's like you're wishing to be caught. >Having a gf that doesn't understand that you have needs and she may have a headache sometime in the future And she's just a prude.
I struggle with a dependency to romance. I became damaged through an abusive relationship, and now I became a burden in relationships.
I want to find a girl who is patient enough and willing to put up with my shit but it feels hopeless. All I ever hear from girls who reject me "Oh you know, I know so many other girls who would want that! There are so many other girls into that! And I've met them and know them! You would be perfect for them!"
I don't know what memo I missed, but this is all I ever get, and every girl who says this, has never given me one of their "friends" to meet. But yet they are all the fuck around me, apparently wall to wall amounts of women wanting to date me. Must be why I'm still alone right and still getting rejected right?
It's been a great Halloween even though it was a last minute thing for me to go out. It's just a shame that there isn't anywhere to go after midnight other than one or two places here and one is notorious for fights and the other is notorious for drugs.
It's been a good night, lads. It's nice to see that I'm attractive.
>halloween >family is throwing party >didnt even let me know when it started >fucked up at my job >have to meet with boss over it >if i lose this job im fucked >ill lose my house >find out i have schizophrenia >untreated for years because my moms a cunt >have no friends but one who is a selfish twat >but no other friends so deals with >i suck ass at the one thing i want to be good at >no matter how hard i try im awful >talk to bf >vent to him about how upset i am >seems genuinely caring >then feels me up instead >spend 50% of halloween in tears
midgets talk big also mental midgets they also cry then they try to make others cry but then get mad when they smile instead so they become psycho midgets who hurt others but only the mental midgets here on these threads they also are insecure so they make you that too but just smile at them they need a happy meal or get laid or something lol
I am so lonely. I married someone who seems completely unable to show love unless it's of a sexual nature. His family are bullies. I was bullied into converting to Islam against my will. He knows I am deeply depressed but he just ignores me whilst I cry alone, often all night. I can't go to bed because he gets annoyed that my crying disturbs him. He knows I feel suicidal but he ignores me...once even encouraged me to do it. He has gotten physical on occasion knowing full well I have a past history of abuse.
I just seem to have jumped from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. I am desperate to be loved. It kills me.
I found solace in an online friend...but we developed feelings for each other. Nothing sexual ever happened, but there were feelings that felt like love. He often told me he loved me. I was starting to feel hopeful. However my friend has now decided we cannot be together right now. He's probably right...but my heart still hurts. He no longer tells me he loves me or anything that makes me feel good or hopeful. Maybe I didn't deserve it anyway but it was something to cling onto.
>>16414504 Having been given the name of J by my troll parents, I cannot possibly explain how much these threads annoy me. It's always J who makes people give up their religion and turn to the dark side.
How can I get over my goddamned hormones they are literally the only thing keeping me from becoming at peace with the universe.
I went from being a smelly awkward nerdy kid who almost failed high school because of World of Warcraft to being an engineer who people look up to, respect, and ask advice from. I've hit this crazy mystical place in society where I get along with nearly everyone I talk to, and a lot of people that would've otherwise treated me as just another face in the crowd notice me and go out of their way to start a conversation.
My biggest issue is that I'm a total perv who has been single his whole life. I'm the type of person who likes documentaries, board games, and talking about life. Yet inside I'm so fucking turned on by women that I talk to and want dirty kinky sex with all of them.
It's a battle though, because the sensible "boring" side of me is powerful as fuck, so the type of woman that my pervy side drools over is never attracted to me, and I can't bring myself to delve into the world of getting wasted at clubs to change this. I hear my friends talking about their escapades and meet the women they're sleeping with that week; I get really jealous.
I just want it to stop. I want to be happy that I'm avoiding drama landmines like those same friends say I should be, but my psyche reminds me every fucking day that I don't get laid.
I'm maybe about to enter a relationship and I'm scared but excited too. We've been talking for a while and met up for the first time. It went well enough and I have no idea what's going to happen next. So I guess the confusion scares me, the feeling of being unsure, but it's worth it.
So in band at my college, the band director gave us the music to a Christmas song. It's a trans-Siberian orchestra song so it's got a lot of guitar in it. The guy we have playing guitar doesn't ever seem to play anything, he just stands in the back of the room holding the damn thing. I play a lot outside of band and I'm trying to learn the part on my own so that I can come in and play it whenever everyone is putting up their stuff and the band director can hear me. I honestly don't anticipate him letting me play it, I'm more or less just trying to be an asshole so that maybe it'll encourage the guy, who is supposed to be playing guitar, to get his shit together. Maybe he'll think if he doesn't learn the part, he'll get replaced. He can play, he just doesn't play with the rest of the ensemble. And if he does, no one can hear him. I'd like for the rest of the band to be able to, maybe even the audience. He doesn't sound like shit, when we're getting set up he'll play Rush and it sounds fine. And it's not the amp, that thing can get LOUD. He just won't play.
That's it, this is the last straw, I'm fucking doing it, there WILL be no stopping me.
I will change my diet for the better and try to exercise. My body is so bent out of shape, it's just sad. Even when I was fatter than my grandpa, I had more shape to me than before. Now I'm left as a former shadow of an Acrofatass.
I don't know how, and it may take me years to fully transform, but I WILL become a man with toned muscles and abs, I WILL run a medium-sized marathon, and I WILL especially become as flexible as a yoga practitioner!
I just need to find ways on how to do all this without gyms and weights. Otherwise, my mind is set. If I don't achieve it now, there will never be another chance. As the old saying goes: "JUST DO IT".
(That, and I need help with literal brain food. Like whatever helps my brain function better.)
I hope it's okay if manage to explain my feelings for you tomorrow. I wont' get another chance, I think. No, don't worry, I know I am not your type and you are super into her and I am already learning to accept this. Go get her. I want you to be happy and you deserve it. You are such an amazing woman and you were made for amazing things and for someone who takes your breath away as she does. It legitimately makes me happy to see you so happy. I just want to stop hoping for someone I can never have. It's that little shred of the unknown that feeds it. I need it gone to let me heal.
And I pray to God that this won't ruin our friendship. It's a risk, and I don't think you would do that, but I'm tired of hurting and hating myself every single day. I am trying to keep you from knowing just how seriously depressed I am and this isn't helping. I need to heal. Let me go, please.
WEEELL NOW SINCE MY BABY LEFT ME WELL I FOUND A NEW PLACE TO DWELL ITS DOWN AT THE END OF LOOONELY STREET AT HEARTBREAK HOTEEEL WHERE I'LL BE, I'LL BE SO LONELY BABY I'LL BE SO LONELY I'LL BE SO LONELY I COULD DIE
I'm well aware anything positive he writes is to you not me, it's why I dismiss everything immediately. Anything negative he writes is to me, that's why I remind him that I am the one that walked away only to have a knife in my back. Now you two can be quite happy together, much like your not subtle messages months before I removed him said. Congratulations, if that's the word you sought. You and he can stop skulking about in places neither should be in now and focus on your happy ever after. I didn't even need to personally getto know you to know which mmessages were yours, you stuck out too much and didn't change anything from the last time you tried to antagonize me. As things are, as long as you stay to the places relevant to you, it'll be as if I never existed. He loves you, you love him but both of you were to keen to flaunt that. I have never been interested in games, nor a stupid competition. I exited the rat race as soon as it became one, I know I made that clear. Enjoy your second life together.
There's someone I love, or used to love. I don't know. The more I look at her, the more I see her getting into serious shit. I realized that I can't keep helping her any more without going down myself.
She has a feance and she has a boyfriend. The guy has this inferiority complex and lets/watches others fuck his girl. She wasn't like this before. I feel like she made the wrong decisions. I want to tell her that shes making the wrong decisions, that it's going to blow up in her face, that relationships like that don't work.
But, I just can't. I feel if I did, she'd stop talking to me. And that's going to happen anyway. I feel so horrible as she barely talks and has conversations with me. And when she does, its only for an hour or 30 minutes each day.
No one hurt me, I'm probably just worried about everything that's about to change.
I'm not replying to your texts because most of them are just stupid or useless, what else can I say? This isn't me asking you to entertain me, keep doing your things and I'll do mine. I just don't see why any of that is important at the moment.
Am I not here to be judged? My opinion should be worthless most of the times and the other times I simply don't have a clear answer anymore. I realized I have no idea what is going on and it's fucked me in the head pretty hard.
Anyway, I'm just saying it's not that bad and I'm okay. I still think this game is pretty Ridiculous but if you value so much my opinions on fucking comicbook nerds and shit I can give a try.
My girlfriend and I broke up mutually last night after a couple months of dating, since it was impossible to see each other regularly. I'm not sad about that, but I'm frustrated in that I have no idea where to go from here. I have no idea where to meet women as I'm an introverted, nerdish guy and my last relationships all happened by accident.
im so fucking pathetic, goddamnit, i want to kill myself. i cant overcome yet with all of these shit, its been a fucking year almost and even if i stay the busy as possible, i feel even more shittier every day
Realise I have no sexual desires, and every time I have had sex it was just to please the other person as I got no pleasure. Been with my girlfriend about 5 months, and whenever I get depressed she tries to cheer me up by telling me I'll make an excellent dad and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I don't want to be a dad, don't want to spend the rest of my life with her, but too cowardly to tell her. I'm finding it harder to be in a relationship where they love me more than I love them, than ones I've been in that were the other way round.
It's been two fucking years and I still love my ex.
I was cold to her when we were together, and pushed her away a lot because I was afraid of just how much she meant to me. She wasn't perfect either, she was really immature in a lot of ways, but I always thought we'd be together forever.
When we broke up she moved halfway across the country, and we don't even talk to each other anymore. Every day she's the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep. I've been in a huge depression ever since she left, sometimes so deep I've disassociated and had suicidal thoughts, and every day I felt like I was walking through a fog. I'm doing much better now, but some days I still get incredibly sad.
What the fuck do I do? I feel like I missed out on the one chance to be together with my soulmate. Every day I just feel like she was the one, and I fucked it up and will never see her again. I'm terrified that this feeling is going to last my entire life.
>>16415497 Did you find out when she told it straight to your face? Mine did. And she even knew I was in love with her. But she didn't tell me for a long time. And when she did,she went on about how he's so cute and adorable and all that shit that just makes you want to die and makes you wonder why you were even in love with her.
I try to go out and either meet people but no one's there when I am or it's all of these douchebag guys I don't want to talk to. Will probably change if I did it more often, but it's still pretty discouraging.
Every girl that I'm interested in is either uninterested, has a boyfriend, or puts me off for some other reason. Doesn't help that I constantly misinterpret people.
Q You probably have no idea how much you mean to me, I think you're so very special in many ways. I'm just not sure how much I can trust anything else anymore, everything feels fake like a production or something. t
Hi /adv/. Lately I've become very distant with friends, and always reject them and come up with an excuse when they ask me to hang out with them. Usually the excuses vary from "I've got a really difficult test to study for" or "I'm busy that day" "Car broke down" etc etc I'm not a shy person, I'm extremely outgoing and always have a smile on my face. I've noticed a pattern in my friendships. Every year I get a new pair of friends who in the beginning I get very close to, but then things get increasingly distant when nearing the end of the year. But now I just really don't feel like talking to anyone. I constantly want to be alone. I want to start sitting in the libraries and talk to no one. I began isolating myself from all my friends when I realized we're all separating after our graduation (We graduate at 19, we do one extra year where I'm from. Currently 18) I'll be going to England after graduation and so don't feel like making any bonds with anyone anymore because I know they're going to be just some people I knew inevitably.
TL;DR: Should I stop isolating myself from everyone?
>>16410254 You need a desire; a drive. an ultimate goal you can always work for or a dynamicly changing one. I'm saying exactly "people want what they can't have" If you have everything then there's nothing to want. A human being needs a drive and something to keep you going, obtaining, improving, (possibly achieving, but not alone)
I fucking love her (hate her a bit too) she is weird, I'm weird, we're not wired, she's perfect, she's a dream, my muse, I want to die, kissed her two times, happiest moments of all my life, suddenly I died for her, I've never felt like this for someone, her skin, her words....I miss her, I miss myself.
Never listen to empty advice by fearful men and women who's lives are dictated by society and pride. They are slaves coping with the illusion of freedom. They fullfill their lives through material and superficial means. They chase short term happiness but suffer long term hollowness. You will be judged by these people if you are a free man or woman. Use your choice and walk away for if you are truly free. You find your own way, you create your own way, never doubt your uniqueness. Ignore the lazy observers with clattering teeth. They are cursed with lazy feet.
Never listen to slaves, for slaves love their masters and will teach you how to love their master. Obsessions and delusions they will infect you with. Vices and sick fetishes they will share with you. Not aware that it is a cycle of slavery and domination not community and protection. A sick perversion rampant in this new age and some call it love.
How dare you say you love someone. When love is a feeling that allows you act in good. No your love is possesive, fear induced and guilty. You are in fear not love. Love is gentle, patient, understanding, and kind.
You are lost if you browse here. You'll look but you will never find what you are looking for while you are hiding, blinded by drama and distarctions that YOU create around yourself. You will distract yourself from what you are running from. And by posting here and blaming yourself and others for your creations. You are generally wasting your life.
Look at yourself in comparison to others in your life. Strengthen yourself to handle hardship. Do not carry other's judgement or burdens with you. For those who judge will be judged themselves and those who attack the peace of the innocent have no peace of their own. They hope you'll lose it so they can have it all. Be careful and protect yourselves for the world you are put in is meant to be dangerous. Survive it your own way.
Not posting after this. Yes do not trust scammers.
Do you remember when you used to spend hours messaging me about your ambitions and goals? You seemed so happy to talk about your plans and I would praise you for being so goal driven. What happened to that man? What happened to steal your drive from you? Even after it went you still had some sort of spark to your personality, so where did that go? Why do you seem so different now? No longer ambitious, you just spend all your time shitposting how much you love someone. Where did your spark go? What happened to the sweet bird that would spread his wings and fly freely? Where did you go?
I am a backstabber. I feel worthless as a human being and the thing is I probably am. I have been attracted to my best friend's ex boyfriend since the first time I saw him, about a month ago. The same night we took mdma and both me and her reacted very badly - but she was more experienced and did everything she could to help me. She was an angel. I went to her after a day, told her the truth about how I feel about him and asked for permission to date him. She denied, saying that she would only allow it if I loved him and wanted a relationship, not a fuck buddy. I obliged and promised not to get into anything with him. Seeing how miserable I was, after two weeks or so she said she would be happy to see us together. I still knew it was bullshit and she was just trying to stop me from being sad (she is a fucking angel), so I again reaffirmed I will not touch him without permission. I was frustrated after a break up and with my way to get this guy being 'blocked' and she knew it, so although she was sick she took me clubbing. Everything was going good for a week or so, untill yesterday. We had a small get together with friends, watching a horror movie and stuff.There were five people there, all knowing about him and her. Halfway through, he hugged me at a jump scare, then it went downhill. Long story short, obviously, we fucked, against all of my promises. I confronted her, of course. I have almost lost a friend. She forgave me, made me write one of her essays (we're in college, still, the fuck), but the trust is broken. Plus, now I'm probably seen as a lying, back-stabbing bitch by some of my friends. I have lost faith in myself, having done everything I usually stand against. I don't trust myself anymore and I'm afraid of hurting other people who will ever put their trust in me by giving in to my instincts and some wine. What do?
>>16410258 Hey. That's great. I've been doing the same thing for a couple months. Cut out pop and only drink water, I have pop and sometimes fast food. But I still drop 20 pounds. And it feels amazing. You don't have to workout, maybe just walk here and there and it'll count.
FFuuuucckkk why do she have to be with that guy ... if i had been born 2 years earlier we would definitely be together, but noooo. she dates that older guy... At least she can be a good friend for now. and maybe he will leave her
I..don't know. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I had everything. I was so in love. Then you came along and made me feel different. You showed me just everything else I was missing out on. When you leave a room you leave cols and dark. But when you're here its warm and bright. I'm falling in love with you and I just fucking can't stop my self. I can't even have these feelings. But I do.
I can't stand 2 of the 3 people I call my best friends. I would just leave them if it weren't for the fact I pity them and I feel too awkward to fit in with my other friend group. I spend too much of my time with the two to feel like I fit in with the others. Plus one of them gets way too upset when I try to do something for myself. I'm honestly trying to hold out until I can improve socially or leave town but it's just getting harder and harder to not sock one of them in the face for all the bullshit they spew everyday. I feel like a horrible person
Girl, You're a bully. Like, you're in your mid twenties and imitate teenage characters from mean girls. Is your brain fried? Delete my number. If I see you in public I'll pretend I don't know you. Like what do you contribute to society? Sucking the dicks of your friends boyfriends and exes doesn't count. Be a basic bitch bar slut. I want none of that lifestyle. Bye!
I just want to an hero. I've spent 25 years training myself to be socially invisible, and now I'm incapable of anything else. I'm never going to have friends again, I'm never going to have a girlfriend again. It's easy to just say that I should just focus on something else, but that's impossible. Last new years was probably the worst night of my life, This one is rapidly approaching and I don't think I can handle another one.
I started smoking weed occasionally 4 years ago. Summers since then involved hanging with the same stoners and experimenting with a lot of harmful substances. I've been clean for 2 months but my lack of life experiences has made me an awkward wreck to talk with. I'm really afraid that my mind blanking is caused by my past drug use... I'm now the quiet guy that watches everyone having fun at parties. I honestly used to be super sociable and now I'm depressed on the daily thinking about my perceived lack of identity. I ask questions, rarely make statements, and cannot open up to strangers because I don't have anything to offer them besides school work and drug experiences. I rant to collect my thoughts.
I want my ex back, but I need to move on. I can't wait around for one dude to make up his mind. 4 years down the toilet. He doesn't even bother to text me back immediately. He waits days, and says he "forgets" because he gets busy with work.
I used to be a priority, and now I'm just a fuzzy memory.
I started dating on OkCupid to forget about him, but I keep meeting aggravating guys that I'm just not attracted or drawn to. I messed around with one last night, he's all about me, but he has all this baggage with his ex.
Is this what happens? We all have one person that we just can't let go of? Fuck.
Don't smoke cannabis oil that has been extracted using a solvent. Fucking hell don't even smoke homegrown weed. My friends and I used hexane to extract thc oil and I smoked that shit for a month before I stopped. Even "lab tested" extracts have enough solvent in them to bubble from a lighters flame. As for the homegrown claim, if the plant was raised with miracle grow in an environment near a busy roadway...you better believe there are more than trace amounts of carcinogens in and ON the plant before you even smoke it.
If you're a stoner you should be taking pride in smoking healthily because daily exposures to small amounts of toxins creeps up on you.
I'm falling in love with a friend who has a bf in the army and I don't know what to do. She's been there for me through everything I've gone through and vice versa and I've even began to feel she could be the one but I stop myself knowing it can't be. I don't want to be the douche bag thatvruins a relationship so she is completely unaware of my feelings though I'm afraid she might feel the feeling is mutual. What should I do?
I had hoped that I would have been able to go visit my cousins this weekend, but unfortunately I was unable to, as their family had some sort of halloween thing, and weren't at home during the weekend.
Oh well, hopefully I will be able to see the girls again soon. I know that I will see them again at last in December, but I would like to be able to see them sooner than that. I miss their company so damn much. Without them, I am in a constant state of loneliness.
>>16417072 My ex broke up with me for her ex boyfriend. It took me a bit to figure out on my own. But after replaying the relationship in my head it clicked. She use to be very affectionate and one day she stopped her affection, cold and distant, and wanted to have less sex. There were things that I did that were bad but forgivable. >>16417072
On the 31st of December i will turn 21, i will also finish another year that i feel i have wasted. I don't know what I'm doing with myself anymore. I had a stupid thought when i was younger that i would kill myself before i turned 18 so i never thought of making something of myself so that i wouldn't have to struggle as much as i am. I feel like the whole world is moving on around me and I'm still stuck in this rutt. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing in life, i don't see anything in my future. I was such a bright kid too, i did everything i was meant to, i worked hard in school, did as many extra-curricular activities as possible and was a well behaved and polite child. I don't understand what changed. The thought of "adulthood" puts me into an anxious fit, i get so scared that I'm just going to fuck everything up. I don't know what my life is going to be like and it scares the shit out of me.
>>16417061 Eh I know she'll just ignore me. I'm probably gonna shoot her a message tonight anyway, it just sucks knowing that she probably won't respond cause she's going through stuff and wants to be alone. I'll always respect that, it just makes me a bit sad. And missing the girl who is basically my best friend and I like her too. We'll talk again some day, hopefully soon.
>>16417158 if she ignores you then maybe she isn't worth it and if its a friend who doesn't go to you for help through stuff and ignores you instead then think about that best friend; you like her too sounds like a case of the friendzone
A guy I was dating choked me unconscious in bed against my will. I was too afraid to leave him but after months of what felt like hell I found the strength to shut out his blackmailing and manipulation. Its been over a year, I'm terrified of him and find him disgusting. I havent been able to hold a relationship bc of all the trauma. I want to forget him But the thing is i get off to the thought of being in his place fucking me.
>>16417188 I'm not even mad,it's just been a whole while that I joined some other forum where you're not anon. And that was around 9 years ago when I still was a retarded fuck who doesn't know how to behave on the internet. The worst thing I did back then was pretending to be my older sister on a hentai forum just to get some attention.
>>16417258 I feel degraded and disposable from everything he's done to me. I wish I could understand it.. I think I feel safe when I'm treated that way because I let myself become conditioned to the feeling of being under someone elses control. It happened when I was much younger too.
>>16409864 He does NOT understand introversion. He claims to be an introvert, but is irritated when I want to spend some time alone. Jesus christ, dude! I got dinner with you and your sisters yesterday, hung out with your roommates and neighbors and slept at your house in the evening, got breakfast with your parents this morning and I'm going to eat dinner with you tonight. Now you're irritated because I want to sleep alone in my own goddamned bed tonight? Sometimes I just want to shout BACK. THE FUCK. OFF. He needs to just give me some space, christ!
>>16417313 What does this have to do with anything anon was saying? Most likely someone in her family was controlling and manipulative which is why she seeks this behavior in a partner. Sounds like she's a victim through and through.
>>16417373 Sorry friend, I'm stupid, but what do you mean by discoveries? I can explain the situation or my thoughts, she may see it cause she goes on a few boards including this one but I'll keep our anonymity and change personal details... Eh, whatever, I'm not gonna say anything that she doesn't know anyway.
Plus shes always really protective about her phone. But once when she let me look at it, and this was at a random time I didnt see anything. Maybe im just overthinking because were recently starting to recover slowly, and i mean incredibly slowly from splitting up.
u gotta drop ur seriousness man, grills dont like burnt hotdogs bra, gotta be cooked right not chillen neither gotta smell right just remind her of dem milkshake moments two straws one cup aight snoop dogg
scammin ur momma get paid like no otha i lub her cuz im into incest look at my blue shirt reppin my love so deep like the ocean i roll wit my cousin he my nigga but den he suck me off we become tighter togetha now we rule the road but then get rekt see u in heaven
I had a thing for this girl and my feelings were getting deeper until last night when I hit the town with my friends and I realised that there are plenty more fish in the sea and this girl's a basic bitch at best.
Sure, she told me about her problems but she was subtly asking for compliments and if I couldn't provide any sort of confidence-boost she would just reply "hahaha" and kill the conversation.
I'm back in the saddle and she can fuck off. It feels good to get over someone before it's too late.
>>16417404 She could be, doubt it though. But whatever.
I don't even know what to say cause it is a rather odd situation and I know that whatever way I describe it I'm gonna come out sounding weird or ultra beta, so whatever.
Basically we met around a year ago, had a great friendship, had some less close times but recently talk at least once a day. But she's going through some personal issues about various things. She just tells me she's not gonna talk for a few days cause I deserve better and stuff like that, then a few days later (I think the max amount of time we haven't talked was 4 or 5 days) she comes back around and we're normal again. This only ever happens when things get rough for her, and sometimes I see it coming. Same for when we fight, unless I do something really dumb it's normally when she's not doing so good and one of us misinterprets something and we argue. So I can tell when she's not doing good, cause when she's doing good our relationship is great, when she's doing bad it suffers a bit. I always miss her when she's gone and she says she misses me, so I think we're on the same page about this. I just wish I could be there for her, or that she'd trust me and rely on me more for help, or something. I don't even know what I want. When she's doing bad she doesn't seem to believe me or trust me, says I don't know her, etc. So that makes it kind of rough, or at least stresses me out. Cause I wanna move forward, I like her and she likes me so no matter how slow we go it just makes sense to me, or at the very least keep the friendship how it is, but its hard to do so when stuff like this happens. At least I don't think it's my fault any more.
It feels kind of good to type it out at least, I'm prepared to be called a beta loser cause actually typing it out and explaining it helped me a tad. So thanks adv.
Being alone makes me hate myself sometimes. And it's not just that I'm not talking to anyone, it's that I'm not talking to the specific girl that I like and value as a friend, so I'm sitting here feeling all unfulfilled and shit. I shouldn't place my happiness and self worth on one person, eh? Hoping that we talk again soon.
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