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Keep your questions short and sweet for more answers.
And please no derailing arguments.
Avoid asking these common questions:
>Is it normal for me to go to a club/bar by myself?
Yes. Stop overthinking this.
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
Some do, some don't.
>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Get over it by practicing and exposing yourself to it.
>I like someone. What do I do?
Ask them out.
>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.
>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
>XYZ happened. Did I fuck it up with this guy/girl?
Maybe, maybe not. We're not in their head, we don't know
>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing
>Would you date a virgin?
As long as they aren't insecure about it
>Someone has made it abundantly clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>
>That one guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships
No one wants to cuddle you. Stop asking
>Brandon or Female Brandon
Also piss off.
So 99.9% of women I know or have even met seem to hate metal. Whenever I ask them why, they usually just say it's too "angry".
Is this really such an issue? I always suspected there was more to it but didnt push the topic.
Hey, women, how do you feel about polyamory?
It appears regularly around my neighborhood (Specifically, this one guy had literally 3 girlfriends, and they are all comfy around each other). Of course, this makes me feel uncomfy to look at that.
On the other hand, it made monogamy looks kinda boring.
It looks fun, but monogamy looks more stable, from a man's opinion, anyway.
"Metal" is a pretty broad genre. I hate about 90% of it. But that other 10% is some of my favourite music.
It's not all angry, but some of it can be. I mean, people are yelling and screaming and banging the drums real fast, if anything 'angry' is putting it delicately.
You honestly like a guy as a friend, he asks you out and you deny him that and let him know you like him as a friend, he basically says goodbye respectfully and no longer initiates contact with you... How do you feel?
It depends. But I would say muscles are more attractive. The trick is having enough body fat to look like you're actually strong and not a faggot who spends all day at the gym so you can go home and jack off into the mirror.
>be married for four years
>we have a two year old
>wife mentions having more children
>say I don't want anymore children
>her: I'm having another child with or without you.
Should I leave her?
This wasn't discussed before marriage?
Also, whatever decision you make now should be based on what's best for your child. The best thing for a child is a happy, stable, loving relationship between the parents. You do whatever you can to make that happen.
when I tried to approach women, I got no interest.
now that I dont do it, I get interest from several.
what the fuck happened? is it cause I got in slightly better shape? I lift regularly but it still makes no sense.
Let's begin with the first of the male physical insecurity posts:
I have major red stretch marks across my back and glute and a few dots of minor, spread out atrophic scaring. Does this affect my physical attractiveness in any way?
Also, hairy nipples with bald chest.
This is a question for both genders, do you treat men with facial hair differently? After getting out of the service I grew a Meg that I keep in a "semi-professional" length, and people treat me differently in the two years I've been out.
And by no means am naturally very threatening to look at, as I clock in at a whole 5'4" and a buck forty to call my weight, yet people tell me I look aggressive and hard despite getting to know me as being respectful and easy going.
This. One girl at work told me it was gross. She liked Ed Sheeran, Mumford & Sons and Taylor Swift. I ridiculed her because she was seeing them all live. I think she probably was genuinely offended and maybe dislikes me a bit now. I'm not even a metalhead, but some genres I like.
Metal generally isn't for everyone. I guess most girls are into more "sensitive" or friendly genres like pop.
I'm a girl who likes a lot of metal subgenres etc etc, and I'm the only one in my circle of friends who listens to it. It's reslly just a matter of taste, regardless of gender.
Sad especially if we were good friends prior. Also a bit annoyed because why end a friendship when you can just accept that a relationship isn't going to happen? I know it'll be tough as hell, but if you enjoy their company before, why not just keep them in your life?
Women can tell when you're trying too hard with a single look. Now you're not trying too hard and thus appear more attractive as you're not coming across as desperate.
When the girl I'm dating and I first met as classmates, she was almost devoted. We had great fun that way, and she seemed really into me. We only shared one class, but we'd seek each other out inbetween classes all the time and met outside of school as well.
Then she met another classmate who shared every class with her, and they started hanging around each other all day. No need to seek each other out, since they were already together. She still liked me being around her and now it was the three of us most of the time, but it's slowly been building down. The guy's very similar to me. He talks like me, he mostly thinks like me, but he's unkempt, overweight and withdrawn.
Nowadays this girl's less eager to tell me anything. Anything that comes up in her life, she most likely told that guy already. At the last moment as an afterthought, she tells me something she had been planning to do, while they had been brainstorming it for two full days. That kind of thing. I feel like I'm being replaced. I don't think she's interested in the guy and it's probably not fair to blame him for this, but he's been taking all the time and interactions we have together. She also shot me down twice for future dates now, and with how distant and matter-of-fact she's been lately, I get the feeling she's going to cancel the one she had planned way in advance.
Girls, do you hate to tell the same thing twice to different people? Do you think she's really 'replacing' me?
Either gender, how do you take heartbreak?
I get the feeling that the girl I've been going out with for a while wants to drop me entirely. Ever since that first thought I feel exhausted, my pulse is racing all day, I'm anxious, my stomach stings with pain, and I can't keep any food down for long all week now.
Is this normal for heartbreak, or should I worry something's up with unfortunate timing?
Like, you're worrying if you might have medical issues?
Because it sounds mostly normal, a bit excessive.
Get it checked out with your general practitioner anyways.
Mild panic attacks and depression have a similar cure, force yourself to go do stuff, distract yourself.
Doesn't have to be fun, you can suddenly get mad productive.
Also, for the love of god ask her if that is really the case.
Without communication the relationship is doomed to fail regardless, and if things are heading the wrong way you absolutely need closure.
>Have a crush on a guy
>We're in the same program at uni
>Usually meet at a boardgame club
>We don't usually talk a lot because I'm shy
>He's a very social and good looking guy and could probably get a much more attractive girl than me
>My only trump card is that I like the same nerdy stuff he does
I'm pretty sure that if he liked me, he would have made a move - he doesn't at all seem like he'd get shy or nervous, which I guess means he doesn't. So is there any way to, IDK, seduce someone not originally interested, or should I just give up and move on?
You may be loosing your charm when you immersed in love too long term.
Broken heart is sometime suddenly happen for everyone,
You do not need to overcome it forcedly, because if your love is so thick, it takes long term to heal your mind.
If you find a cozy space, please preoccupation at there.
It'll save your hard feeling from suffering.
Hey, male anon.
I look normal, have a good job/future, etc, but I'm still a virgin at 22. The reason is that only asian girls have ever shown the least bit of interest. I'm not attracted to them at all.
Is there a reason why only asian girls would interested in me?
I've been dating this girl for less than a month and she invited me to her birthday. I got her a nice little ewok plushie, gonna buy her chocolate and I'm thinking of making her an origami cat as a handmade gift since she loves cats. Do you think that's a present that shows affection but isn't too affectionate?
My gf is 23, but for some reason has always tried to avoid information about sex. She's never masturbated and hadn't done anything sexual with a guy until she met me. I've touched her cunt a few times and she gets wet, moans, etc., but she says it feels "weird" and "scary" and that she doesn't like it. She touches my dick quite a lot, but I'd prefer for it to be a mutual thing.
I'm not sure what to do. I really like her and most other aspects of the relationship are great. We've been together about 6 months. I can certainly wait for things to get more intimate, but she once told me a story about a couple who didn't have sex for 3 years and then broke up because the girl felt like the guy was pressuring her. I'd rather not wait 3 years.
I'd say maybe suggest getting her to some sort of sexual therapist (on her own or as a couple) so she can explore why she's so off-put by it.
I'm not sure. It's a really tricky situation you're in. I can't think of any way for you to judge how long it's going to take without her potentially feeling pressured.
Perhaps have an extended period of intimacy with her that doesn't involve touching genitals, just being close together and naked, used to each other's bodies? Treat her to a nice dinner then follow it up with an oily massage? That sort of thing.
GF wants me to stop doing nice things for her because she feels bad she can't afford the time or money to do the same for me. I told her that she's always making as much time as possible for me, despite how hard it must be for her, and that's worth the world to me. She won't listen to me though.
Thanks for the reply. I think the therapist idea is a bit too extreme and I don't think she'd agree to it right now, but maybe further down the line.
Your second idea sounds good though. I have a tendency to get excited and turn things sexual when we're cuddling in bed for a long time, so I should dial back on that.
Generally when it seems like one race is particularly interested in you it means you are either treating them different or something about you is appealing to the culture most of them follow.
Or maybe you look like some kind of yaoi character and they dig it. Who knows?
Definitely. The therapist thing was just the first thought that came to my head. In hindsight I think that just getting used to and enjoying being intimate with her without her having to assume you're trying to have sex is good. Self control is easier than you might think, even when you have a raging hard-on. You'll have to teach yourself that bit, but there are lots of guides online for non-sexual, sexy intimacy. Just have a look around.
Maybe really good looking guys don't like it. But average guys like me (I hope I'm average) really dig when a girl shows interest. Just start slow like asking him to accompany you somewhere. Or a concert or something
OK ladies, suppose you're dating a guy and things are going well. The current sex life is relatively "normal" with positions such as missionary and whatever. What if he wants to try different things such as a rimjob (for him or you) or domination (for him or you)? Would you do it? If so, why? Would you not do it? If so, why? I can't speak for all guys but I imagine our sex drives can get pretty wild if given an opportunity but what about girls? Do you want to experiment with fetishes? Also, Happy Halloween.
I am socially awkward, but thats not why I'm here
I asked the girl to the ball (prom, whatever)
She said yes
I have her number
I talk to her almost every day
The problem is, I'm getting really mixed messages from her, sometimes she seems interested in me, further than just a friend to go to the ball with, sometimes she doesn't. What can I do to figure it out for sure?
I've lost count of the number of dates I've had with women who asked me out. Half of the long-term relationships I've ever been in started exactly like that. I can't speak for all guys or even "most" but there's one pretty substantial data point for you.
this girl I see on Wednesday evenings in band practice always gives me this deer-in-headlights look to me and her face really brightens and she says hi and asks how I am and we talk for a couple mins at break. She seems quite nervous though when she talks to me but english isn't her first language so I'm not sure if she's spaghetting because she's at a loss for words because she's still getting used to speaking english or if she actually likes me because I am planning on doing SOMETHING soon before I fucking explode with anxiety and have a breakdown. At least I'd like to make it clear to her I like her without just being heavy handed and telling her like a sperg that she needs to hang out with just me somewhere.
Also, is it true that asking someone to coffee in Europe is like full blown date proposal?
Girl here. I have met a new friend. He's really nice to me, buys me stuff, "accidentally" touches me, casually mentions how he's single around me etc. Now even I can see he's into me and I'm interested as well, but the problem is I'm in my twenties and I'm a virgin. He probably doesn't expect that since a) it's kind of like finding a unicorn where I live, b) I appear to be - and am - very sociable/outgoing/talkative. My issue is, will this be awkward? Are guys generally disappointed their girlfriends aren't experienced enough or will he be glad he's my first? I kind of feel like my age is making this really weird and I'm insecure about it.
Ladies what do you think of a young guy (24) who has noticeable gray head hair? I haven't ever thought about it until today because I have a date on Monday. Its only noticeable because I haven't cut my hair in 6 months and my profile photos don't have me with longer hair.
I'm probably worrying about nothing. Besides I learned after growing my hair that is really wavy, which is just like hers. So she won't mind. I'm just a bit nervous since I haven't been on a one-to-one date for like 4 years.
Girls, how important is penis size in a relationship? I am 7.3 inches long and 5.9 thick, but I am a bit overweight (not obese but like bmi 28 and built like a brick shithouse), is that good enough? (Dead serious).
>I know it'll be tough as hell, but if you enjoy their company before, why not just keep them in your life?
Assuming he acts on it quickly, it's easy to get over it. But if he let it simmer, I wouldnt be surprised if he has put way more meaning into it than you'd expect and is easier said than done.
Just another reason to make your intentions clear from the get go.
>when i actually do it, it always fails...
Spoiler, dating is a numbers game. Every time you ask someone out, there's a good chance you'll get rejected. For every girl I really enjoy, I probably went through 3 or 4 where I wanted to walk out on the first date and many more that said no from the get go.
Learn to get over it or keep hoping the guy will notice your "signs".
Hurt, and I'd move on. Leave me out of it, poly people are like the new vegans with the way they keep going on about how monogamy is dead more often than not.
I think you just need to get used to it. When I was a teenager my friends all loved metal and I listened to and enjoyed some bands as well. I can still get into it with the right mindset, but if you were to put it on without warning I'd probably cover my ears on impulse. It is loud and it often does sound angry and I feel that until you actually know the music better and have learned to appreciate it, that's pretty much all you hear. Like how wine just tastes sour and coffee bitter and that's it if you haven't grown to appreciate them.
Zero interest. I feel that if there is one area in your life in which you need to go with quality over quantity, it's love. Besides, there is a certain intimacy in exclusivity by itself. It's not a compliment for nothing to tell someone "I only do this with you" or "I haven't told this to anyone else". If you have multiple partners that takes away that element of having one special connection in your life that is like a secret shared with one soul.
Not to mention I just don't really see the point. There are lots of attractive people, yes, but if you have five girlfriends/boyfriends you still only fuck 0.000001% or something of humanity. You don't "solve" this with having more relationships. And if they use the whole "but you can connect with so many people" argument... it sounds romantic, but it really is pretty shallow and lame, because it implies that you cannot emotionally connect with someone and be inspired by them if your genitals never touch.
It also seems to cause so much more new issues and problems than it solves. Who do you take home for Christmas? What if you want children? Are they all fine with having a less active sex life than you because you are worn out from all your partners? It's also one thing to not be jealous by the bare fact that your partner has other relationships, it's another to not be jealous when they have five partners and you are sitting around waiting for your turn.
I don't like bulging muscles in general.
Sorry, but I'd understand.
If she stands by this and it wasn't an angry lashing out in the heat of the moment she now regrets, I'd understand you want to leave.
You looked more relaxed and probably (partly) caught the eye of the kind of girls who get so nervous when they get explicit attention that they knee jerk want to get away from the situation and just shoot you down.
Your aesthetic appeal, sure. Attractiveness, no. They will fade in time anyway and it's not really an issue - but of course, if given the choice most people would say flawless skin looks better. Doesn't mean they give a fuck. I personally also think some faded stretchmarks make a guy look more attractive than none at all. Makes it more "real"... which might be weird to say about a real person, but I'm sure you get what I mean.
Everyone has hairy nipples, it doesn't matter.
She definitely changed your mind about you but the thing about "hating to tell things twice" is pretty insane. Not like it's a static experience where you bring your message and it's received. Telling someone you have a crush on something is a different world from telling a platonic acquaintance something.
I take it quite badly (not in the sense of dropping everything in life but just really, really prolonged grieving, theorizing about what went wrong, angry arguing in my head, writing soppy heartbroken letters I'll never send etc) but don't have physical reactions that are as strong. It does not sound alarming to me, though, if it doesn't continue forever... the things you mentioned are pretty normal indicators of stress and anxiety.
Bring up the story. Ask her if she can emphatize with the girl. Use it as a way to get into a serious conversation about both your feelings on this. It's important to know whether she feels anxious about sex or all around kind of repulsed by it, for example.
Keep it small money-wise (eg a rose or card with a sweet message on it instead of bigger gifts) but keep being attentive with your time. You (hopefully) also get enjoyment out of doing this and she can't dictate it, but you can't expect her to not feel guilty if you treat her to material things all the time.
Thanks! Sure. I have been rimmed and told that partner that I was interested in returning the favor, he was mildly intrigued but ultimately too uncomfortable with the idea psychologically. It's not even a really big thing of mine and I wasn't too disappointed he passed, but I wanted to because it's very intimate and felt primal, like having them feel there's no part of their body you'll shy away from. Also the idea of getting to hear/see someone's reactions when they experience a completely new type of physical enjoment.
Would also be happy to try domination as long as he wanted to actually try it and not make it the new dynamic in our sex life.
I have plenty of fantasies. I'd love to try pegging, having a guy drink from my breasts, bondage, voyeurism, sex on MDMA, sex outside, would kind of like to try mild watersports (not in the pissing on someone sense but more having a really full bladder and having someone tease you with that, watching you squirm if he pressed on it a bit etc), pregnancy sex IS a huge fantasy of mine... and I love stuffing (overeating, not so much on myself but on others) and would love to first pamper a lover with homemade food and then spoil him after he's oversatisfied and burping and all. Also interested in trying stuff with hypnotism roleplay and tantra. I probably forgot some still. Right, maybe not so related to the rest but I'd love to eat someone's pussy before I die.
So I'm new to relationships and for when it comes to touching girls when in a relationship, do I just go for it, and see if she is fine with it, or slowly move my hand to let's see her breast, or do I just do the retard thing and ask her?
tldr; How do I know when, and what I can grab?
You are being absolutely ridiculous. 5-5.5" is average and most men still get in relationships throughout their life. It's not "good enough", it's very big anywhere outside of the porn industry.
Question for the ladies here:
Do you guys jerk off to and fantasize about guys you know in real life, or is it mostly just general fantasies or what? I'm just curious how it works for you guys.
Completely depends on the women. Vaginas vary in size just like penises do, there is just no easy way to measure them (or even have a general idea of what your own is like in this regard... doesn't help that if you're not aroused it's way less long) so people tend to kind of forget this. But vaginas differ as much from one another as penises do (and like with penises, there isn't a significant link between height/build and genital size). For some women, yeah, it'll be too big. It won't fit in their mouth comfortably and/or you will hit their cervix in their favorite positions and/or it'll be doable but you can't go ballsdeep and always have to be mindful of not going too far. For others, it will be great. Some women even enjoy the sensation of having their cervix hit. Some women want to feel "stretched out" and miss that sensation if they're with smaller/less thick partners. Plenty of women go crazy over the visual aspect of a big penis. It really is just a matter of finding the right fit for you. No guy has the ideal penis for every single woman out there.
I've noticed a trend of females hiding their sexual past for fear of judgment. Don't females realize guys go through this too? Alpha douches don't mind sharing if it's part of their emotional manipulation game, but as a "regular" guy I don't like bringing up past fucks because the girls I attract are the jealous type.
Maybe this is more a PSA and less a question.
TL:DR Males & Females are both jealous af, so don't be ashamed of the past.
I don't think this is common. Not certain at all though, just haven't really heard of it being a thing.
Either someone I know in real life or a general fantasy where I imagine that my eyes are closed and I just focus on the tactile sensations, breathing etc, not who it is or how they look. I very very rarely fantasize about fictional people but even then it's way more about their type (eg someone older with a certain bodytype) than picturing a face or a very specific body, more the "vibe" you'd get. These fantasies are mostly fleeting and not things I dwell on.
I don't just masturbate on people I find attractive looking, though. I need more than that to be able to get off on someone. How it feels to hug them, how they smell... mostly I need to either have been physically close enough to have an idea of their scent and body, or they are so flirty with me that I can vividly imagine the kind of sexual dynamic we'd have or how he would react etc. I can't just come to someone's looks/body in a sexual situation.
No, never. I don't self-insert, either. I make up two fictional characters based on my preferences, though honestly most of the time I don't imagine the guy at all. It's more about what the girl's doing/what's happening to the girl.
Eh, it's still different though. Women are jealous of a past lover being better or her partner having been attracted to someone else, but I've never in real life and only once online heard a woman speak about the physical aspect of this with the flat disgust men talk about women who are experienced all the time. In my language there's a word for women who have had a lot of partners that roughly translates to a piece of food that someone else has slobbered and drooled all over. That is pretty daunting and men (not that they should) don't face sentiments that extreme typically.
I don't think I'm the right person to answer because I've never done physical things with someone I didn't know well (I took your question to be read in a hook up context, that is) so it is hard for me to judge. It seems uncomfortable though, even in a roomy car... I almost wanted to say that you could drive her somewhere quiet where you can just lie in the grass, but if you are thinking of a one night stand thing most sensible women would of course not be crazy about that taking a drive with the stranger part. If it's any consolation, if this was the scenario you had in mind the girl in question would probably be pretty drunk and very horny, though, not like she'll go to a checklist of seeing if you are still worthy.
For the first time? Go slow, gauge her reactions, work your way up to it. After you are comfortable being naked and sexual together it should be fine to just grope her/slap her on the ass as long as you also touch and cuddle her non-sexually regularly enough.
Is it possible if you ladies intimate to your significant other at the time of a break-up belief in eternal love of some kind of belief in getting back together that it means there is a desire to get back together eventually?
My fiance left me, and the feelings for her have only grown. I've probably already fucked things up too much to fix it.
Of course it is technically possible that she wants to (now or some other time), but that's not of much help to you... no one can tell you how she feels about you or what's going through her head.
>Women are jealous of a past lover being better or her partner having been attracted to someone else
That's a very real concern for men too you know. Half of the reason so many men are insecure about their dicks is they're afraid they won't measure up to an ex.
I didn't mean to suggest it was exclusive to women, just that women are from my experience and observations 95% of the time more concerned with these thoughts than with actually having negative emotions about the bare fact that she's not his first. Which the majority of the men I have talked to and known in real life and online have been open and vocal about.
If I believed we were 'stuck together' like that, I wouldn't have left in the first place
Idk about you, but most guys who have extensive sexual histories don't need to say anything, you can just tell from their personality and how they act
Never done it, but I guess that sort of thing would be okay at parties? Probably not after clubbing or something. Let me guess, you live at home and don't want to bring girls back?
Too big, no thanks. Also I don't think I could date a guy who rounds his penis measurements to the nearest tenth of an inch
No. Just no. It'd probably lead to the breakdown of our relationship if my partner was previously monogamous
Depends on what he wants to try. I'm not comfortable with everything
I say the first two are enough.
Ask questions about not-school
Me and my girlfriend have been together for four years. I've been considering marraige lately, because I really can't see myself with anyone else. She's pretty much perfect for me. [spoiler]So, just take that in to consideration before giving harsh advice, as some people tend to do when this sort've thing comes up.[/spoiler]
She works in retail, and often gets harassed by guys. She says that about once a day, that a guy comes up to her and tries to hit on her, or says something really stupid and sexist. She says that when this happens, she goes into the break room and waits for them to leave, and that she doesn't want to say anything that will cause a scene.
I've given her some advice, telling her to get these customer's names or to tell her boss that she is being harassed, but she says that she's afraid that if she makes a ruckus at the workplace every time this happens, that her boss or coworkers will start to get tired of it (Which I guess is understandable). This hasn't really been a big problem until here recently, where she has decided to post on facebook every time it happens. As her significant other, I feel really awkward and torn, because on one hand, I want to defend her and give her advice, on the other I don't want it to look like I'm bothered by this to a degree that I'm making a scene on her facebook.
Also, is she just doing this for attention? Why is she posting this on facebook? Is she testing me to see how I'll react?
Before my boyfriend I was exactly like >>16412926
>No, never. I don't self-insert, either. I make up two fictional characters based on my preferences
But now I think pretty much exclusively of my bf.
I made sure to discuss all kinks, preferences, limits, turn ons, and turn offs before entering my relationship. My partner and I knew beforehand we were very compatible in that area.
If you've given her all the advice you can, there's not much else you can do. Just let her vent every now and then.
>Also, is she just doing this for attention? Why is she posting this on facebook? Is she testing me to see how I'll react?
She's venting. Other girls may have experienced the same thing, and so they can relate and provide sympathy and advice that you can't because you haven't been in their shoes. There's almost definitely no malicious intent there.
Those of you without girlfriends who want one
>Do you think having a girlfriend will improve your life?
>How? How not?
Those of you with girlfriends
>Has having a girlfriend improved your life?
>If so, how? If not, why not?
Bit of advice: if you're seriously thinking of marrying this woman, don't jump to conclusions about her behaviour like that. You won't have a happy marriage if you're constantly thinking that everything she does is to piss you off or to test you.
Guy with girlfriend, here.
I like my significant other because it means I have someone to come home to. We share everything together, and we have a lot in common. Once we got more developed as a couple, I wasn't afraid to express myself honestly, and now I have someone that I can share anything with.
The benefits or "penalties" of every relationship are as diverse as the people you could date.
Sex is great, too.
I've had 32 sexual partners in my life, and 7 were actual relationships. I preferred the relationships to the flings.
i met this girl, last month or so who is my roommates sister, we've met a few times, through random events, like goin back to dorm with train and tram together or a birthday of somebody, and we've been talking nicely (joking a lot), i tought i should give it a shot and ask her out.
So i did, but the reactions wasnt the ones i tought will be. first asked if she want to come next week, she said she will be too busy whole week, i tought whatever, it might be true, than i ask, if the week after it will be good, she said that she doesnt know yet, but she is in, and asked the next thing: it will be a friendly meeting, right, because she got in the past misunderstood meetings like this, im like wtf and said: didnt expect that, but sure i just want to drink something and talk with her, so she agreed to the meeting, but she left to "study", i was a bit sceptical at that part (sat 19:00, sure, whatever) and havent got any specific day that will be good for her, just: we will meet up, so i only know that she will be busy this week, but still dont know what about next week.
Is this fucked already or is it possible to make something happen sometimes in the future.
i planned to write to her at the end of the week or so, to ask a specific date, but im worried a bit that i will get the same response.
>Do you think having a girlfriend will improve your life?
It won't fundamentally change things, but it would be nice to have someone I can talk to on a close level on a regular basis, among other things. But if you already dislike your life, it won't do shit for that.
I can understand his perspective. I only bring up problems to friends if I'm trying to figure out how to approach it. Talking about it for its own sake is displeasing to me.
I seem to be extremely unattractive to women. I mean, not replusive, but they just don't seem to be attracted to me. I got cheated on by my first gf (I'm 24) with a guy who's name she didn't know when they had sex a few minutes after they met. Girls just don't seem to have passion for me at all, i've never had anyone kiss me after meeting me, or even flirt with me at all? My life is, well, a misery, but it hasn't always been a misery, this weighs heavily on my mind.
Girls honestly, is there much I can do about this? Can I go from a guy who is sexually non-existent to the kind of guy girls cheat on their boyfriends with (Not that i'd go with that, i mean this metaphorically) after meeting them a second earlier? Please be honest. If its about my looks, then isn't that admitting superficiality? I've always been told by women, my friends, girlfriends etc, that they go mainly for personality. Further, if it is looks, why don't you fight against it? If you know superficiality is bad, you must thereof feel obligation not to engage in it? i actually feel geninuely so depressed and cofnsued by all of this
Is there any way I can help make you less nervous on dates?
I try my best to make the situation easy, I understand it can be nerve wracking. But I went on a date with a really sweet guy the other day but he was so nervous he was shaking. We usually have really great easy conversations over the phone but it was obvious being in person was getting to him.
It's hard to make conversation because some guys just tend to shut down from the anxiety and i'm sure they're great guys but it's hard to keep interested.
There's no need to be sexist. "Alien" isn't bad. Just different and foreign, which I can appreciate.
When women "vent" in this way, it seems very shallow and conceited. I'm not saying that it is shallow, I'm saying that it seems that way. Women also have a tendency to hand themselves backhanded compliments like, "Oh it's so hard being attractive and having all these men come on to me" or "Oh my tits are so big that they hurt my back. Gosh look how huge they are."
My girlfriend does both. Sure, her back may really hurt or it may be hard being attractive, but when a guy talks like that, we all call him out on it.
"God, it's so hard having such a big dock and fucking all these girls."
From my personal experience, if you just verbalize your interest, it should be enough. It may come across as too direct or creepy to women, but of you tell a guy that you have a genuine interest in him in the middle of a date, then it takes a little of the edge off. Maybe even encourage him by telling him when he does or says something you like.
God, I always get shaky on first dates. Sometimes I don't even feel nervous, but I notice I'm shaking.
PLEASE HELP ME? It seems like the, I don't know how to even begin. Your post made me start crying ffs. 32 sexual partners? How? How? I feel i'm a retard attending harvard university, every single day of my life. How do you do it? Why can't I even get, I don't know, flirting? a smile? Arghhh
>My life is, well, a misery, but it hasn't always been a misery
So you've been able to attract women before. You had a girlfriend and all. But you still came to the conclusion that it's your looks.
>If you know superficiality is bad, you must thereof feel obligation not to engage in it?
The world doesn't exist in absolutes. The more attractive you are, the less magnetizing personality you need. You need a whole lot of one or the other to be the kind of person to get sudden makeout sessions. For someone who's bitching about superficiality, you seem like the kind of person who would cheat if given the option.
I'm not a grill, but you're being such a whiny bitch that you count as the opposite gender.
>Why can't I even get, I don't know, flirting? a smile? Arghhh
This is one of those things that can't be diagnosed over the internet. There's a good chance that your IRL friends and girlfriends have pointed out some of your flaws that you can work on.
If it's any consolation, a lot of sexual/economic success has to do with taking advantage of an opportunity. You've likely had more chances than you realize to take a girl home.
What is either shallow or conceited about venting about being approached in an unpleasant manner while working your job? Unless you mean doing it on facebook, in case you have a generation problem because then so many things people throw online are no different.
You start out by saying alien wasn't meant negative and that you can appreciate it, only to continue to defend why knowing your girlfriend, it is most likely that she is fishing for attention or humblebragging and not having a sincere, understandable or even just neutral goal. Whether you just hold her in very low esteem (also consider your first thought was that she was trying to fuck with your head by posting this for also you to see) or she really IS such a shitty person that you can constantly count on her drawing attention to herself in the least obnoxious way as socially possible, I'd say both are worth reflecting upon if this is someone you see yourself marrying some day.
fembots: how hard is it to differentiate between guys that are too nervous to make an advance, and guys that just aren't interested romantically
If I just play it cool and don't go full sperg mode, can i camouflage as someone who doesn't think you're cute af
>It's not an "alien" concept unless you're fucking autistic.
/adv/ is a bully free zone, watch your language mister
I'd only really feel nervous unless I felt like you were looking judging me for whatever reason. Like going "oh" and then acting uncomfortable after you ask me about my interests.
Beyond that its mostly going to be on the guys end. If he has any sense he should calm down significantly by the next date or two.
>how hard is it to differentiate between guys that are too nervous to make an advance, and guys that just aren't interested romantically
Why bother differentiating? They may as well be the same thing.
Very. Especially a certain kind of shyness... eg he will be overeager to avoid looking at your body so he basically either looks at your face or not at all. Which is the exact same way a guy acts when he is is just not attracted to you at all and wants to avoid giving off the wrong vibe at all costs. Or has a very temperamentful and jealous girlfriend sitting right next to him following his eyeball movements. Either.
Happy women with self respect are not crazy about guys who don't seem attracted to them at all.
Okay, let me express this differently. Because I don't think the tone was conveyed properly through text.
I felt that the concept of venting about something like this was "alien" to me, meaning different and unusual to comprehend. I then realized that the individual that responded to this was probably correct. I then went on to explain what my initial reasoning was, and why that concerned me. However, I realized afterward that it was wrong to think that my girlfriend had ill intent.
The whole reason I even brought this up in /adv/ to discuss with strangers was because I had been having an internal monologue about it for several weeks and was unable to come to a conclusion.
It is important to remember that, in relationships, people are dynamic and they change. Their intentions and actions don't always make immediate sense to us, and their goals are always fluid, even at their best. It may very well be that my gf had intentions of humblebragging, and that's not really a problem. It may also be that I do hold her to "low esteem" as you'd put it. But, I hold her to the same standards and reasoning that I would hold anyone else, and she still comes out being a person I'd want to share my life with. She also knows exactly how I feel, and she'll even be reading this thread later.
The easiest way is to make it a dirty talk request and blurt it out when she's fondling your bulge or grinding on you during foreplay. "I want to feel your mouth on me" etc.
If she's so cramped up, passive, whatever that you feel this is no option at all, initiate a talk about sex at a comfortable non-sexual time and talk about oral sex. If she openly enjoys when you go down on her, tell her how much it turns you on to taste/smell/please her, if she does not, ask her if there's anything you can do to make it more enjoyable for her. Then use that as an intro to asking how she feels about performing it, whether she's done it, if not is she curious etc. The trick is to talk from the angle that it is another fun sex act that not only lots of men but also lots of women love, not already approach it as you asking her a one sided favor.
Actually I just reread your question - did I misunderstand and did you mean to ask how you start one? If so, there are lots of ways that would be very hot for (most) men, like moaning that you want to taste his dick out of the blue during heated foreplay, or doing it as a completely out of the blue surprise while making a show out of unbuttoning him while looking up at him, teasing him by kissing and licking other parts of his body and coming going closer and closer to his dick and so on.
Men, how will you be be spending your Halloween alone tonight?
Girls, how did you reject the guys this year?
I have no issue with the word alien or you not having thought of the venting angle. It just struck me that all possible motives you had mentioned for your girlfriend referred to a lousy habit or character trait. Even after another poster had framed venting (which CAN be incredibly annoying and self absorbed) in a more positive context to show what someone might get out of this, you still went on to say that to you it appears shallow and conceited.
Whatever, it's your relationship, I have no clue whether you are happy or compatible or whatever and even if that is not the case it is not my business. I was just lurking and it struck me that you seemed to by default assume she must have some at best irksome and at worst mean spirited intention.
I start to fantasize about a guy I know irl, but then sometimes the guy changes along the way. It can be distracting sometimes, but it's also a good thing, cause I get to know who I really like subconsciously.
Let her vent, but also make sure she can vent to you as well. No need to always give advice on how to solve issues, sometimes it's better just to nod and support.
this feels like my biggest problem since i moved countries, really. in the culture where i grew up, it was so easy, guys who were interested just didn't give a fuck and would ask me out no matter what.
and then i'm in this new place, it's like... guys are so shy/cool, it's a really big turnoff. i do start to notice the difference between shy and cool after a year or so, but it's hard. idk i think you could still trick me easily with that camo.
One guy, simple text message that I was not interested in a follow up date. I was too much of a pussy to say it to his face, the date already went pretty fucking terribly but after he kissed me on the mouth after I'd clearly refused twice I was just done and wanted to go home and deal with that mess later.
Girl I like changed how she texts me. Much shorter replies now, sometimes not at all, but her behavior in person is the same and we're watching a movie in her room tomorrow.
What cues should I look for to see I'd she'd be receptive to me making a move? Right now I feel like I'm getting mixed signals, like she pulled back in her affection because I wasn't as interested initially.
No problem! Nothing interesting, I worked my cashier job (small store so one cash register, need to do all the purchases as well as answering questions etc) all day, made myself a bowl of soup to not feel as hungry anymore when I got home and have been lurking internet since. I should start making more food before I'm too tired and just want to sleep or I'll never clean out my fridge before it goes bad but little motivation.
Very interesting response I'm sure. What about you? What would you like to do that you're not doing?
How do I let a girl know I'm only looking for a FWB relationship and not an actual relationship?
I went on a date with a girl last week, the girl was really cool but I could never see myself dating her (smokes cigs, dropped out of college, etc). We ended up sleeping together and now she texts me constantly and even refers to me as "babe" (which kind of creeps me out after only one date). How do I go about letting her know that I just want to be FWB?
It's too late for that, you'll have to accept it was a one night stand. How do you ever figure to pull off a FWB-deal when she is already being clingy and mushy after one date and night? You are not on the same page, you need to both be casual about it to have proper casual sex.
Sorry, I was just projecting my insecurities on your responses. 4chan tends to do that to everyone, right?
Thank you for your help. I'll give thought and consideration to everything you've said, though.
Girls will call a guy creepy for trying to approach them but being socially awkward about it, without actually doing anything sexually predatory.
A guy who is charismatic and handsome can get away with a lot more aggressive behavior and not get called creepy than a guy who is homely and awkward.
because the fear of being called creepy makes me afraid to approach women, as I'm socially awkward and bad at flirting/small talk and know most of them will just think I'm creepy.
Being called "creepy" is a signal to us that what we're doing is wrong. If we're deliberately going too far, we know it's wrong and we just don't care then. And that's cool.
Most of the time we're going beyond our comfort zone with no idea what's appropriate. So we're doing things we have never done before in ways we have never done before, and it feels unnatural, but we want to learn. We're called creepy because we haven't been able to learn yet. It doesn't matter whether we go too far or not, we get branded "creepy" anyway. And that's not cool.
I'm not that gal and actually don't really agree. I think creepy is a pretty hefty insult/accusation.
But you have to realize that other people can't look into your head. And just like shyness can be easily mistaken for arrogance, awkwardness can easily be mistaken for a more eerie type of social "malfunctioning". It is important to remember that from a young age onwards, girls have been socialized in many forms to be on their guard and look after themselves - ranging from parents telling them about "all boys are the same" or "men who hand out candy" to girlfriends commenting on girls who went missing/got killed that they were stupid not to see their fate coming and avoid it, stupid to get in the car with someone, stupid to lose sight of their drink for a moment etc. So there is an awareness that there's a lot at stake, and while of course the incidents where you are actually in danger after rejecting someone are very rare, it is more common for guys to lash out in other ways (trying to verbally hurt you as much as possible, badmouthing you, threatening you) if they get rejected. Every girl who has never experienced this has at least heard the stories and knows this is a possible outcome.
To be continued...
So that is where the creepfactor comes from, and confidence takes it away. Best example I've come up with so far is this. Imagine you had a one night stand with a woman and are cuddling in the morning, and she lazily rolls closer to you, looks at you with a tilted head and huge grin and in between pecking your face says "yeah - I - tooootally - lied - about - birth - control by the way, you better check that mailbox for when I'm coming for all your money and shit" then looks at you with sparkling eyes. Not creepy at all.
Now imagine that instead she looks at you in a sort of shifty way from a bit where you are, and goes, "h-heh, w-wouldn't it be funny if I actually wasn't on birth control and was pregnant haha". That would freak you out. At least it would make you do a double take and want to get the hell out of there.
The reason for this is that the hesitance and insecurity (more likely to just be, well, insecurity and social awkwardness and lack of comedic timing) makes it seem like she might actually be weird about it because it's true and she feels guilty. Or she's overall deranged and it's showing now.
So basically, although of course some girls are cunts and just make fun of datingwise incompetent guys, it also happens a lot that what to the guy from first person view is obvious overwhelming nerves and infatuation, to her might look like - is his face so weirdly twitchy and blank because he is nervous or because something's off in his head?
This effect is further enhanced because, like in the example where you might have impregnated some random one night stand, the girl in question has a lot to lose and is in a vulnerable position in her own way.
girls call ugly guys creepy as an acceptable byword for repulsive. saying, 'i didnt like him because he was ugly' sounds shallow and mean, whereas 'i didnt like him because he was creepy' sounds a lot more socially acceptable
thats all it is. if you want to prove me wrong, name one creepy attractive guy
How is a girl in a vulnerable position when a guy asks her out? She has all the power, and can lob frivolous accusations of sexual harassment at him to her heart's content. If you're asking her to go somewhere alone with you, maybe, but it's not like she's gonna get raped and murdered at Starbucks.
What's the point of even trying with women if you're a socially awkward man and competing with scores of guys who intuitively know what they're doing?
Seems markedly better to just buy a wife from Russia--if not simply off yourself.
I was having a conversation with a girl and this another girl that I like was in the same room and noticed we were talking so she entered our conversation and instantly changed it into a inside joke that I have with her, basically blocking the other girl from the conversation. Is it possible she was jealous that I was having a conversation with someone else?
If you are sincerely socially awkward, actually think it through. You are minding your own business when some complete stranger stops you and makes it apparent that he is interested in you. You have to on the spot evaluate whether you are interested in him physically, he seems trustworthy, he seems like someone you might have something in common with. There is a risk that you are going to have to shoot him down - if you have ever had difficulty telling someone no, imagine when the no isn't about something in your life or something circumstantial but about that person not appealing to you on a personal level.
Sure, some girls are arrogant or very comfortable with these social situations and for them it's powerful. For the average girl with a normal dose of awkwardness and inexperience it is in its own way nerve wrecking.
And as I already mentioned, there's the risk he flips and gets nasty if you tell him no. There is a risk he is not straight forwardly going to ask you out but just talks to you while getting closer and closer and trying to touch you. And while if you're in a public place it's true he can't do much with people around (though on the street folks would happily pretend not to see most of the time, anyway), the agreement to go somewhere alone with him on a date (will he pick you up? get to find out where you live? have your private phone number? your facebook with lots of information linked to it if you want to find it all?) does imply the potential risk of that date being threatening, scary, unpleasant, whatever.
I'm not going to imply that you won out with this because you haven't. But you have to realize that a lot of the guys who know it intuitively NOW, have overcome former awkwardness by socializing and developing higher self esteem and more emotional sensitivity. It's never too late to actively be around other people more so you grow comfortable with what's normal and what isn't. But cold approaching probably is not for you (yet).
Would you consider ignoring clear signs of being uncomfortable and disinterest and being unable to take no for an answer as being creepy? Because I certainly do, though lots of guys don't seem to. Those sorts of behaviours are what get you labelled creepy, not your inability to flirt. You just think it's your inability to flirt because that's a lot more salient to you.
I never said anything remotely like that. I just said it's not nearly as relaxed and empowering as guys seem to think, at least for an everyday girl who's trying to figure out how to navigate these things herself.
It's magnitudes worse to be a guy unlucky enough to be born repugnant, putting yourself out there and getting crushed every time. And now I'm expected to feel sorry for the very same people who do that to me without a care in the world?
You are not expected to feel sorry for anyone. But you come into an opposite gender thread to ask perspective from the other side. I've done my best to explain why innocent awkwardness can look sincerely creepy to an outside girl, and why it's not a straightforward fun position of power to be asked out. You read my comments and latched on to the things that aggravated you most and spat out your resentment over that.
What do you want from me? Or from anyone for that matter? Are you juts looking for things to get more angry about and more worked up over?
It is not fair. Life is not fair. No, cute girls don't spend their nights crying because socially clumsy and physically below average guys have trouble forming relationships. You don't spend your nights crying because kids are dying of poverty and hunger worldwide. People are all busy with their own problems, their own hopes and dreams. They will never take another person's life, that they never have experienced, as a frame of reference for their own experiences. Nothing will change this. There are plenty of people better off than you and the majority of the world is worse off than you. Either you waste more of your time lapping up 4chan negativity and doing other shit that passes time and might stimulate parts of your brain but you won't remember on your death bed - and eventually blow your brains out or become that person who is always complaining about the cards they were dealt. Or you work with what you've got, like everyone is trying to do.
I'm watching a movie tomorrow with a girl I like in her room; I've been getting mixed signals from her so I dont know what cues to look for to gauge interest. When can I make a move?
So this girl is coming over to my place to go bar hopping and watch some horror movies tonight. She's been sending signals that she wants to mess around and I'm not sure how best to approach this.
I'm a virgin and don't know whether to tell her before/during we fool around or afterwards. I really like her and she seems to really be into me too. How do I best go about this without fucking it up?
> Or you work with what you've got, like everyone is trying to do.
And how much of that involves being sorry I offended girls by daring to think they might want to talk to me? How much do I have to think about how bad the poor girls have it, having the choice of whether they start a relationship with someone or not? I don't get that opportunity; I would do anything to have someone else be interested in my person. But yeah I'm really sorry I'm putting someone else in an awkward position, how 'creepy' of me, what was such an ugly person like myself thinking I could actually have a meaningful relationship with another human being?
I have nothing, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Apart from have high and mighty fuckers such as yourself tell me I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve the same happiness that comes easily to others
I already, literally, told you that you don't need to feel sorry for anyone but the whole point of these threads is to learn what it is like from the opposite gender's perspective. You literally asked how she is in a vulnerable position, I did my best to try to explain what that feels like and where it's coming from. Now you are losing your shit because by doing so I somehow implied that you owe them constant lamentation of these things.
Get a grip on yourself.
First of all, you're talking to two people here. I was the original questioner, he just followed up on it.
Ultimately I agree with what you're saying. Women have no pressing reason to feel any empathy for romantically unsuccessful men.
But similarly, men who are repulsive to women have no real reason to feel any empathy for them, either. The vast majority of Western women are totally oblivious to the suffering of men left behind by modernity, so why should we care about women or their concerns?
It's really sad that it's come to this, but I don't see any option for unsuccessful men but to opt out of women entirely. The only thing you can do is focus on improving yourself and being happy alone. Get rich, patronize escorts as necessary, maybe get a Slavic wife when you're successful enough. But if you keep striking out with women no matter how hard you try, you just have to take the signs as they are.
I have not said that whatsoever. If you want to somehow break this cycle of negativity you have to warm up to the idea that you are partly projecting your own intense feelings on this on what others said.
What I said was that an awkward way of dealing with social interaction can come across as creepy. This has little to do with physical attractiveness, other than that people will be more blind to these signals if someone is hot - which holds true for all flaws ever.
I also never said it is an awkwardness that you "cause". It is an awkwardness that arises because both people are personally involved, it is a situation that the far majority of people have limited experience with, and if either or both parties involved have difficulty with confidently showing their enthusiasm and liking for the other person that can make things strained and weird thus resulting in the creeplabel. It is not a static but something that happens in a dynamic and even more subjective, in a dynamic in a specific situation and setting. I already told you to get out and get more social experience. Confidence isn't thinking that you're the man, it's believing that you're not less of a person than others or have less of a right to exist and live your life. This is most easily acquired through social inteaction with people growing to like you, finding a place within social settings. It will also give you thicker skin because if you want to become friends badly, you will also overanalyze things you do and think you fucked up all the time only to realize no one really gives a fuck. And it will refine your social intuition and make you less scared of the doom scenarios because you realize that it's way less weird and embarrassing to ask someone out on a date than to call rape because someone asked you out.
These are things you can't theorize. You have to experience them thoroughly for yourself.
I'm a 20 year old guy. In college. I have the generic fuccboi haircut right now, but I want to shave my head. I don't care if I look bad, but someone told me in going to attract a lot of attention. Is that really true?
I was talking in extremes for the sake of the argument. I do not think highly of women who are callous about rejecting people. It is no different than being callous about others' feelings in any other situation; it's at best insensitive, possibly narcissistic or downright cruel. However feeling bad when you reject someone decent is a far cry from investing your life energy in pondering the fate of unfortunate anonymous strangers, which no one does and with good reason.
Also as I mentioned in the post you quoted, I don't think the guy I am/was talking to owes women empathy. He is well within his rights to want nothing to do with their thought processes and motives, I just don't think it is beneficial if he hasn't fully given up yet.
I fully disagree. Most people out there want companionship. Everyone would like a partner who is 10/10 but there's not enough of those, and studies show that ultimately people have a strong preference for a partner roughly of their own attractiveness. I get the idea that guys on here just often have a wholly stunted idea of how you "get girls". They try to approach it as a videogame where you go through a number of motions by yourself and then, bam, you unlocked the pussy. No one would claim that if you want friends, you just have to find good hobbies and make them laugh a few times and they'll like you and want to be around them. Everyone understands it's a matter of chemistry and having things in common and of trial and error, of learning when to say something and when to just listen, when to drag someone out of their house and when to not smother them.
The men who are good with women aren't men who tick all the boxes or who have figured out the magical programming code. They're men who are good with women, meaning they know how to engage themselves in those interactions, how to show themselves in a both sincere and flattering light, how to strike a balance between showing sexual interest and showing interest in their person, between being assertive and not being pushy, between showing their best sides and being their true selves with all the petty habits. Some people are naturally better with these social things but for by far most people they are things that have to be taught and refined throughout life, not a matter of PUA steps.
getting girls is easy.
just be attractive.
I know from experience, my personality hasnt changed at all after lifting weights yet I get far more interest now.
lets just be real. your initial impression is ALWAYS physical. and you cant see a personality. so whats your best way to get girls?
Also forgot to add but the things I mentioned in the second post are more for seducing and dating someone (relatively) unfamiliar. But as I said most people are hungry for company and not exactly every girl has guys falling at her feet. In a lot of these relationships between young people it is simply a matter of randomly talking to someone and being taken with the way they smile at you, or how friendly they are towards you. In cold approaching you go from the situation where you are the buyer and she is the seller, but it is not nearly that straightforward in most situations - if you don't go after women much more conventionally beautiful than you are, that is.
I am really tired and feel like I'm not explaining and expressing myself well at all but I hope if you have no clue what I'm rambling about now, eventually you'll be in a situation where you realize what I was talking about.
The awkwardness stems from the fact that as a disgusting person no one wants to interact with me. But, most also dont want to be egregiously mean, so they true to reject me in the safest, most defused way possible, which is fiddly and 'awkward'. Doesn't matter how I approach people, message people, start conversations or whatever. I have plenty of practice (I have tried hundreds of women), its not my lack of social ability that is the problem, just my fucking genes
Girls, I haven't been in a relationship for a while, but things are looking like it might end up that way.
My only question is, how can I do my end of a relationship if I'm constantly busy and live pretty much on my ass doing work.
For example, the semester has really got going, and as a Math/CS major I spend a long time at the computer programming or doing practice problems.
If I'm not doing that I'm probably 5 feet from my desk practicing my instrument,... on my ass.
I work two part-time jobs, and I'm taking 18 cr hrs of class, one night lab, and wind ensemble.
Basically, when I get home, after sitting on my ass all day at lectures, I work on school work until I can't be bothered, read some forums then sleep.
On the weekends, I basically wake up and crank out the weeks programming projects, due weds, which usually takes Saturday and Sunday morning. After that, I usually play some video games or go out and do any errands I need to do.
I feel like I use a great deal of my time, and idk how to show affection and interest if I'm basically doing my own thing most of the week.
desu I'm not really in favor of the MGTOW thing on an intellectual level--a girl I was chasing started dating a greasy manlet and I'm just butthurt and kinda venting. In my heart of hearts I more or less agree with you.
Attractiveness is attractive?! Stop the fucking presses.
That you become more desirable if something physical is added to everything else you have to offer, doesn't mean it's hopeless if you can't rely on your looks.
>you can't see a personality
If you've ever fallen in love on first sight, you'll know what you respond to isn't the most conventional and generic shit like that she had the best rack you ever saw. It'll be a certain freckle or chipped tooth that makes her smile endearing and cute, or a certain movement she made that reminded you of home in a weird way, or her smell, or the supple way she moved out of her chair that suddenly turned you on.
Yeah, initial impression is always physical, but the physical entails a whole lot more than your bare looks. It's not for nothing that people rave about someone's eyes and smile even when they're strangers and other parts of their body should sexually be more interesting to them. It is because even while you don't know them, it implies a certain personality and gives you a feeling of being kindred or whatever you'd describe it.
>If you've ever fallen in love on first sight
Which is an absolute bunch of nonsense. You don't fall in love with a person when you've had less than two paragraphs worth of conversation, you project the kind of person you hope they are, onto them.
Stop trying to ask women out everywhere, try harder to make friends. They will give you experience that simply approaching (no matter how scary) a stranger won't. Inb4 you tried and failed, it's a long term project. You need to hang out with people a lot to grow a sense of comfort and belonging. Especially as a man you need to do things with other men and have experiences together to be and feel included over time.
we ignore ugly people all the time.
the absolute best way to attract people is in fact, shallow. be attractive. thats all it takes. you arent going to fuck someone you dont find physically appealing, are you?
I always thought that was more or less implied by the term. That you immediately took a strong liking to them and that you were never disappointed. Not that you were off the deep end after one glance.
Either way, it doens't matter, substitute it with immediately taking a liking to someone. It's not true that someone's physical being gives nothing at all away about who they are. Their looks don't but their movements and behavior do - it's a world of difference whether you make eye contact with a girl and she flashes you a huge grin and wink, or she has a brief deer in headlights look in her eyes then casts her eyes down, or she giggles and blushes etc. If you see someone in real life in "action" you will not know who they are as a person but you will pick up on something that can highly appeal to you. It is not either 100% one or the other.
Condolences about the greasy one.
I'm not going to fuck someone I don't find physically appealing, but I don't need to find someone visually appealing to find them physically appealing. I see a lot of people. I work whole days by myself in a store and have for over a year, I see thousands of people look me in the face and all. I have seen drop dead gorgeous guys whose beauty I could appreciate, but who did not make me feel hot or cold because of the indifferent and unsympathetic way they acted (not meeting my eyes, being curt with their family/girlfriend, shit like that). I've seen completely average guys who made me immediately feel a bit weak in the knees because the weird stiff way they held their arms while walking in combination with their bangs reminded me of my first crush back when I was eight. I've had middle aged men with comb overs, double chins and guts get me so wet it was bothersome because of the way they charmed me and the cheeky way they looked at me and let their attraction show.
Everyone who tries to claim that appearance doesn't matter is trying way too hard to convince themselves, but it's not the whole story by a long fucking shot.
but you are going to ignore an ugly guy.
it's human nature. we all do it. you arent going to go out of your way to get the attention of an ugly guy.
but if someone is a 10/10...sure you are. thats why looks matter.
thanks, it's really sad. She was so qt and perfect and I think we had lots of chemistry and common interests, but the little fucker just got in first and sees her more often due to living circumstances. so fucking rustling
But yeah, at the end of the day as a man you just have to focus on self-improvement and take what you want, since nobody really gives a fuck about your problems lol.
For initial attraction and being approached, yeah. For long term relationship success it matters more how good you are at being in a relationship and dealing with people emotionally.
Guess it's good there are constantly situations in which people who would not have picked each other out of a crowd still interact and get a chance to look past the first impression.
but your best bet attracting a girl is to be attractive.
you cant just assume people will think "hey, that guy seems like he's cool". you can only make judgements based on appearance until you talk.
See answer to the second part. Being in school together, studying together, being coworkers, being in the same social clique by chance, being part of the same club or hobby course or amateur political party and so on all provide openings to talk to people who would've potentially deemed you uninteresting at first.
Its well known that people sort other people they meet very early on. If you get sorted out of a romantic bin (because youre not attractive) and dumped into the friend bin, you are done. No hope
Question for men:
Say your girl has some bad stretchmarks and is still losing weight. Would you rather she be naked in bed, or wear lingerie to cover up the offending areas?
Question for both sexes:
My mind goes blank and my eyes roll when I'm having sex, like I'm about to pass out or something. Is this normal, or do women usually retain their ability to form coherent thoughts?
If you ask out a girl much too early and she rejects you is it still all over? I don't even know her too well and it was more of an impulsive spaghetti moment than anything so a rejection was probably expected, right?
What about a normal looking guy who clearly is very active and ambitious?
Something about love being based solely on the best looking kinda makes me feel hollow and empty.
Are humans not evolved past this?
Something in my brain tells me that their is a certain romanticization of features. Romantic in the literary sense.
Our creativity tells us what is attractive.
Or do women really just whip out check list and if a man passes all the state instituted requirements, only then you will even acknowledge there existence.
Why do you have to make the world feel so cold for everyone else?
I'm almost certain what you are saying is false. We find peoples projections attractive.
I guess though, our race has been reduced to staring at a phone instead of marveling at the features of nature and the world around them.
I find it a marvel that on this great sepulcher in which we are bound to die, that people are willing to die like a slave. Instead of conforming to what "everyone" thinks, why don't people let their independence wander.
Sure, physical appearance is a thing anon, but I think you might be hyperbolic in stating it's everything. Else, you are already dead, rotting prematurely on your grave while the barren scrapes of your subjective mind melts into oblivion.
I had a crush on a pretty ugly dude for about four years, it didn't start until two years after I met him, but we couldn't make it work. Distance and drastically different personalities.
here is my point.
a guy could be a wonderful person and have an amazing personality.
but YOU CAN NOT SEE THAT. your initial impression will ALWAYS be physical.
that's why looks are so important. it's like getting a job interview. how do you get the job if you dont get an interview in the first place?
I don't think it is.
I think inside everyone, there is beauty, and genius.
A genius only that self could posses, yet some refuse to let it shine, be it because anxieties or etc.
This is really what I seek in woman. Someone who is creative and does what their heart seeks.
I could care less about how attractive someone is. I seek someone with a flame in their heart.
It was his personality. It was the whole "opposites attract" thing. But we were completely volatile together. It was toxic, and if we weren't completely delighted with each other, we were so pissed that we wouldn't talk for days. It ended with a fight so bad that we didn't talk for two years. I only reached out to him about two months ago to apologize.
I like guys that challenge me. It's a weakness of mine that I have to fight, because there have been a few minor crushes since that were with similar guys. But you can't build a lasting relationship on controversy.
>YOU CAN NOT SEE THAT. your initial impression will ALWAYS be physical.
Sure if you're a vapid slut that has a hollow personality. If you are an intelligent person you will realize there are many aspects to the human person. Remember people do value you on personality too.
I am willing to give everyone a chance before judging them.
however, the way people think is usually shallow. which means if I want to get the attention of a girl, I need to be fit/attractive. being smart/funny isnt good enough.
Your looks open the door, but your personality locks us in the dungeon and turns the lights off so that we're stuck, frightened and confused, in your hand-made cage that also serves as a bedframe.
I'd rather have an ugly guy with a lot of personality than a handsome guy that can't hold a conversation. I managed to luck out and get a guy that is both attractive to me and interesting, but there have been a handful of 3-4s that made me feel warm and fluttery.
> I'd rather have an ugly guy with a lot of personality
Who never gets inside the dungeon or whatever the fuck because hes locked out the door. You 'lucked' out, but of your own direction; you chose that guy over uglier ones with similar interesting metrics
im dating a girl and i'm embaressed of how bad she looks in most of her facebook pictures, so i don't want to list myself as "in a relationship" with her. she's been asking why, and i'm not sure if i should just tell her that she looks like shit or if that's asking for trouble
she looks good now, but she doesnt take many selfies i guess
seriously dude, fuck off.
First, Who cares if you're listed as bf on facebook. All people do is post memes.
Secondly, Fuck off harder, do you really care that much about your image?
The uglier guys were mostly unattainable due to distance. Internet meetings, you see. One that I do live near is simply married, and I don't fuck with that.
That being said, of course I'd choose someone who is handsome AND interesting over someone who only has one of those traits. But only having one of those traits doesn't make you automatically hopeless in the dating scene. Having NEITHER of those traits is what ruins you.
I'm finally in a fantastic relationship and I think have found the woman I will marry.
But I still watch porn, and it is taking a toll on our relationship, despite still fucking my gf. This is something that pre dates her. I've been watching porn for years. And I am willing to give it up. But she needs to realize that this is going to be a struggle. Not something that can be easily undone. What are your thoughts?
>Say your girl has some bad stretchmarks and is still losing weight. Would you rather she be naked in bed, or wear lingerie to cover up the offending areas?
Naked, probably. Its not a big deal imo, but I have some myself.
>My mind goes blank and my eyes roll when I'm having sex, like I'm about to pass out or something. Is this normal, or do women usually retain their ability to form coherent thoughts?
Mind going blank? Yeah that sounds like something I'd see in a hentai. My eyes roll back when I cum, but I've never lost control over my mind.
Yo girls, how open would you be if a guy that's in a 2 year program with you at school asked you out? What I'm asking is, how heavy would you weigh the consequences knowing you're going to see this guy every week for at least three more semesters?
My boyfriend drank too much and had a n emotional episode. I'm used to him crying here and there and expressing himself, but this time was more extreme. Now, it feels awkward. How do I stop feeling like this?
I'll admit, I'm super embarrassed about my height, I got fucked over by genetic lottery, and I'm a whole 5'3" guy, and my whole family is on average 6'4".
How much do you femanons put into height? Is an automatic no-go? It mainly seems that its just a automatic no in most cases.
[most] girls prefer guys that are taller than them. just go for short girls and you wont have a problem..
and yes, it is an "automatic no go". i'm 5'7" and i would never put effort in meeting a guy that was shorter than me.
If you were talking to a guy you met online for about a good month and a half, having really pleasant conversations and plan to actually meet in December. If everything went well while hanging out, would you object if he went in to kiss you? Kinda random question, but that's my case coming up. Talking to a girl I kinda like, and I'm meeting her then. I don't expect sex (although it would be awesome) but I'd at least like to kiss/make out with her. She's really cute and she has a fun personality and thus far we've been having fun talks.
is there ever a situation where a girl invites you over to get *drunk* in her room and doesn't expect something to happen?
i've been friends with a girl for 3 years, we talk a lot and neither of us have been what we considered *drunk* (i'm 21, she's 23) which is where this started. i just don't know what to expect from being drunk i suppose. in a drunk state do people tend to just make moves on everyone regardless of if they actually like them romantically?
id like to read guys/girls point of view on this:
so, ive been on a sort of ldr with this guy for a year, its from my same country but he went to other country two years ago, never meet him irl but we had several friends in common that i know in person.
we texted almost every day, and only skype the weekends due to our schedules. also, spent together new year through skype, and sent him a package for his birthday with handmade gifts and stuff.
apparently we were a couple but never talked about it; when i asked him about our relationship, he says that id be impossible for us be happy together because of the distance, he was not sure when he will return, and says that id be better if i only focus on my studies -im on 2nd year of college-. he says that he loved me a lot, that i was an amazing person, and he really wanted to ask me to be his gf but he passed for a similar ldr experience before, and isnt really works.
to this day -couple of months have passed since we "broke"-, im still sad, we dont talk as much anymore, but sometimes he sends... indirect signals? like songs, or images through his profile to probably "caught my attention", although im not so sure about this because we like almost the same things and probably im overthinking it.
the questions i have are, he didnt overcome what happened in his previous ldr to not want to commit with me? he knew that id be with him until we finally meet, and support him with everything, or did i understand something wrong?
no, if the guy is shorter nothing will change that lmao
if you're the SAME height, you can work with that. but for the most part the only thing that can transcend the gap would be you being so rich that you could guarantee them a good life.
I have a number of friends that are about 5'5" at the tallest. I can guarantee that their heights don't get in the way with picking up women. It's their personalities and their good looking faces that gets them in. I'm 6'4" and I'm batting a big goose egg with dates these days
i'm not really NOT attracted to short guys. i have crushes on plenty of shorter guys than myself. but when i consider dating someone i see their height and i don't let myself fall for them. i know it's cliche but i like feeling protected and that generally means someone "bigger" than you
Hey femanon, we should hangout for research purposes.
gamefly had a offer where you could restart for $1 for 30 days so i did it so i could play mario kart 8. my trial expires on the 11th. i want to cancel so i only have to pay $1, when should i ship it and cancel. can i wait till the 10th or 11th to ship and cancel my sub or i have to ship it a couple days before so they get it by the end date of my sub?
Any advice state your sex though please
This girl likes me a lot, I'm considering maybe biting the bullet and trying a relationship after 4 years of being single, but I don't like her, would it be wrong for me to get involved with her when I don't have feelings for her? Mind you not to use her, possibly build a relationship
Should or should I not tell her that I wanna give it a chance even though I don't have feelings for her at the moment ?
>girl I like at work
>she's moving home at the end of the year
>figure fuck it she's not going to date anyone at this point but may as well at least try and take her to dinner
>ask her to dinner, don't really set a date but she says yes
>haven't gone yet, see her yesterday
>Ask her what she's doing for halloween
>she's going on a date
>still talk to her all day and joke around with her online
Give it to me straight, is she fucking this guy right now. I'm just sitting here, alone on halloween finishing homework and it's fucking killing me just thinking about this.
>you want to take her to dinner
>some chads coming right in her
How long do the effects of "falling for someone" last? I'm falling for a girl that i recently slept with and she's literally all I think about. I don't want to make a bad decision so I'm waiting for it to wear off but it's been like 4 days and I can't focus on anything I just want to talk to her all day
She might be, and she might not. Depends. Besides, you asked her to dinner. Not to start an exclusive relationship with you. So she's went on another date on a holiday when people often pair up to go to parties.
I mean, she did say yes, it was more on me for not really setting a day.
feels fucking heavy man
Would my chest(pectus carinatum) be a dealbreaker for girls? 18 and had a girlfriend before.
Don't do it, that's dumb and it will waste both of your time.
Just tell her you're into her, she's already seen you naked
That pic is entirely useless, but probably not unless she has a thing for big chests
>tfw I'm slightly overweight because I can't do full proper PT anymore
>tfw I could lose my slight bit of pudge but ale is to good
>tfw been told I'm a good cuddle, but they're worried about my service history because I apparently have night terrors I don't remember
>tfw after ten years in the military I don't know how to properly socialize, much less meet females since I refuse to publicly announce I was in the military.
>tfw even if I met a lady I liked and could be with for a length of time, my hobbies are horribly autistic and boring to the average person.
Is there even hope for a broken man like I am?
I can't say I like one more than the other. I guess out of those, looks are the least important, but I honestly couldn't rank the others. Who the guy is as a whole is important to me
I didn't say they weren't important, I said they were the least important.
I'd rather an average looking guy with a good personality than a good looking guy with an average personality.
I don't know how, the whole reason of dating a guy is for his looks. my current guy is probably the most boring guy I've ever met, but he's attractive, and looks good in the public.
Be gentle and understanding.
As long as you keep in mind the inexperience and insecurities you've likely had, the age difference won't hurt a bit.
t. guy who is falling in love with a girl 8 years older than me
Ignore the flat out negative advice.
It's very important to figure out where both of you are in life though.
A difference in perspective and ambitions might be a dealbreaker.
Besides that, being understanding and all of the other generic dating stuff.
I don't have any friends who are successful with women.
Can anyone else help me? This cunt has had 32 women. I've had one, who cheated on me. Can someone explain this disparity? Please.
Just whiteknighting here and saying you seem really awesome and are likely far too good for 4chan and should consider getting off here before it hurts your spirit
now back to hating women and myself and everything and especially successful people like you who have earnt nothing beyond their genetics