I don't hate them. I just don't date them, because I don't want to account for an extra person (or persons) in my love life. That's impossible if my date is a parent.
It's not even a bias against children, really. If I met a girl who was, say, the primary caretaker of a disabled parent, I wouldn't want to date her either. Ultimately the principle is that I don't care to make room for that many people in my life right now.
>>16418471 You single moms prioritize the kid first and foremost as you should. But it also means any guy who dates you is also going to have to deal with that kid, who may or may not be a little shit.
>>16418471 Depends on the guy. Most of them are scared of responsibility for another guy's kid, the fact you won't be their first and that there won't be lovey-dovey times with you whenever they want, because you are responsible for your child.
However there are also men who would be willing to take care of a kid, but they are hard to spot because all responsible grown-up men ready to have a family are taken by their 30s.
>girl in her genetic prime (late teens/early 20's) >can fuck most desirable mate (think Chads) >gets knocked up by Chad >of course he wants to slay pussy, not raise some kid >girl ends up in a shitty situation due to her own inability to make good decisions >not good enough for Chad anymore >has to lower her standards and find someone to support her >hello dating websites
I don't think anyone hates them, but it's really obvious that they've rode the cock carousel, are no longer as attractive as they were and have a wrecked body and NOW want to try to get with a guy that's maybe not so exciting, but is probably more stable and probably won't run off to fuck a younger, prettier girl.
>>16418471 >I don't hate them. I just don't date them
So much this. Being a single mom means that you probably are an irresponsible person who has a past of very bad decision-making. Most men do not want to raise another man's child, and/or compete for attention from their partner with another man's child.
>>16418471 myself personally i veiw them as undesirable because: a) has a history of making poor choices b) left due to their own selfish reasons c) had to leave due to abuse and are psychologically damaged d) forced the other party to leave because they are a toxic person
protip: There is no winning answer, the game is rigged.
>>16418539 >NOW want to try to get with a guy that's maybe not so exciting To be fair I think that for every single mom who wants the stable provider, there's another who is ready to just make the same mistake all over again. I've had a handful of single moms make a pass at me when all I could think was, "You're giving up the goods so soon that I'm almost tempted to stick my dick in your crazy." For them the answer to OP's question is thankfully that I don't stick said dick in said crazy. Poor kids who have those moms.
I don't necessarily see them as undesirable due to blatant poor decision-making or lack of wisdom. I can certainly understand someone doing that, and place no blame for it.
But I wouldn't be with a single mother because of somewhat irrational personal principles.
If I'm in a relationship with a single mother, I'm absolutely obligated to play a surrogate fatherly role to the child. Not because of social stigma, customs, or expectations. Personal principle would force me to do that.
However, personal principle also prevents me from considering any child without shared blood as mine. I could not justify being with her, as my treatment of the child would be immoral.
That make sense? It sort of feels like a pretentious, long-winded explanation of "i refuse to be kucked"
>>16418480 This guy is honest and tells the turth, ignore all that bullshit about poor choices, bad decisions and irresponsibility.
It really comes down to an anon not wanting to compete for time and attention with her kid.
FFS most of these weebs, neets and minimum wage earners feel pretty bad losing out to the chads, so losing out to a child rustles their jimmies so much more. And it's also really easy for them to put shit on a single mom because they can, when really, truth be told, the single mom probably wouldn't consider them anyway.
I like single moms. I like dating them and I like fucking them on a casual basis but I don't want full time relationships because I hate being tied down. So yeah I'm selfish just like the rest of the anons here.
I'm personally principled against raising a stranger's child. That is the main reason why a relationship with a single mother is not possible for me.
However, I'd be absolutely dishonest if I said that the responsibility IS intimidating, as well. I'm 23 and I'm unable to provide the level of support to a family that I want. So, yes, the responsibility is intimidating.
Of course, even if I was perfectly willing to take responsibility for a child, I wouldn't do it for a stranger's kid.
The only reason I say stranger's kid is because I was approached to be a godfather to my close friend's daughter- if necessary I would support the children of those I am loyal to, like good friends or family.
This is 4chan, of course most of the guys are going to say that they wouldnt date a mom, but in reality there are a lot of guys that do. Im a mom and i have had way too many guys want to date me, including a 19yr old. Im 27 btw. GUYS: oh but they probably just want to fuck you. ME: uuum no. They honestly want an actual relationship with me. I dont put out like a whore and i told them that.
>>16418471 I've had a couple of friends date single moms. Never seemed to work out. I would consider dating a single mom if I was older, more financially stable, and wanted to marry into a family rather than make one myself.
>>16418837 >ME: uuum no. They honestly want an actual relationship with me. I dont put out like a whore and i told them that.
So you're in a long term committed relationship now?
BTW, why make a connection between having sex and being a whore? I know lots of single moms who need and enjoy sex and I'd never call any of the whores.
Sex is wonderful. Sex is good for physical and emotional health.
Women who trade sex for attention are whores. Those who hold out, baiting the hook with the promise of sex if the anon will just committ long term, those are the real whores, not the ones who simply say "Hi Uncle C, can you take me out this Saturday night, Aunt Betsy will sit for me, and I mean I asked her to stay all night... OK?"
>>16418554 Your logic is fucked. How do you know if she didnt just adopt a child or just chose to get artificially inseminated? Not only that, but your saying that she is damaged because he might of done horrible stuff to her. So what! Everyone is damaged in their own way, its the way of the world. Im very damaged but you wouldnt know that about me because i dont play the pity card or a victim. Shit happened to me and so i moved on. Who fucking cares.
Hate is too strong of a word. However I have no interest in dating them.
>The Child It comes down to two ways here. Either she puts the relationship first, or the kid. If the former, shes an unethical slag and I want nothing to deal with her. If the latter, that's pretty much what I'd expect from her, although it puts a significant strain on the relationship.
I can't be spontaneous, everything costs more, and it'll often involve a third party.
>The Ex's If the father was responsible, he'll be a part of the childs life forever, and by extension the woman. There's a good chance they may shack up together for the kids best interest. In any other situation, it would be reasonable to tell her to not be involved with her ex's.
If the father is irresponsible, he may still try to be involved in the childs life, and again by extension the woman. There will likely be fights over custody and child support, and I'll have to deal with all of it among other things.
If she's a widow, I can empathize. However these so rare they're hardly worth mentioning.
>The Woman I'll be real here. Most single moms don't seem to understand the position they're in. It involves an extra level of bullshit the guy has to deal with, but they don't get that. I'm not going to put myself through hell if shes going to be a whiny little snot over it. Nor do I have any interest in being the kids pretend father. I don't plan to go to chuck e cheese and pretend to be one.
So at the end of the day, I'm completely happy with being friends with one. However I have no interest in asking her out.
>>16418500 >Most of them are scared of responsibility It's not fear. It's just generally just not worth the effort.
>>16418872 Uuum no, thats not what i do. Im old school when it comes to dating. I dont put out until we get to know each other. This stuff we got going on nowadays is ridiculous, giving out sex on like the second date. I love myself and my body, i have self respect, so i wait a little bit. Three months is enough time to wait for me but i have waited for less.
>>16418471 i dont hate them at all. theyre easy to fuck. i just wouldnt consider having a legitimate relationship with one. i would not be comfortable with/able to raise someone elses offspring, and said offspring would always be more important to her than me.
>>16418471 Because it suggests carelessness on part of the female, unless you were raped or your partner died, it shows you've already entered into a relationship with intent to commit and have FAILED, or were simply extremely CARELESS.
Next issue is, the new suitor(male) that hates "single moms" will NEVER truly be apart of you or your child's family, he will no matter what be nothing more than just a man. But even if he is over to overlook that and show you and your child support as if it was his own, it still goes back to step one.
AND THEN there's the fact women are dreadful enough as it is, it's also pretty difficult to trust a woman who is most likely pitted against her husband, and then to see the bias nature of courts towards women in custody and alimony cases and the likes, it's hard to feel comfortable around a woman who is essentially defrauding some one through legal means.
Then there's all the little stuff, such as time management, just petty dumb shit, stuff people should care less about but they do because they're imperfect irrational beings.
Don't let that last statement confuse you, i wasn't defending women, or single moms, they're terrible.
>sources? Yeah, I'm a dude who grew up around these women.
>>16418958 >Guess what, if you have a kid of your own with her this kid will be also more important than you. But the kid with blood will still have the stronger bond generally speaking. I'm not saying a stepfather can't love the kid, but it's not the same. Especially if the kid is already somewhat developed and not just an infant.
>>16418554 True, I've had 2 long relationships, both with a narc and a borderliner. Get a date, if she had divorced parents at a young age or a dying parent whom turned her away then there is a good chance that a personality disorder is at hand. Check out Wikipedia for this. Abd read the forums about them people. Gives you a great insight.
Doesn't have to be but there are high chances.
I now have a relationship with a mom of 2 aswell but we both live on our own, certainly not together. Don't ever want that again. We have the agreement that our children get always to be the first instead of our partner. Works for me and her. If one of us wants to be on their own so be it. The less obligations the better.
>>16419044 >>16419072 Actually blood doesn't make that much difference. I shit you not - if the kid's real dad doesn't give a fuck about him, the kid will love you, respect you and look up to you 10000 times more than to his real stupid dad.
>typing in numbers because that's the only thing some people understand
>>16419119 >Actually blood doesn't make that much difference I was making a hyperbole, but yeah, it still makes a difference. And honestly I was talking from the parent's stand point, not the child. Of course a child can choose their own father figure, but being an adult man, you've probably seen plenty of this shit, and that biological bond can really push the relationship a distance.
>>16418876 >How do you know if she didnt just adopt a child or just chose to get artificially inseminated? Unless she's loaded, this still doesnt really counter the poor decisions argument. Besides, let's be real here. It's more likely she got knocked up the old fashioned way and the relationship went south. If I had to make a bet about where the kid from, that's the one I'd make every time.
>>16419119 >I shit you not - if the kid's real dad doesn't give a fuck about him, the kid will love you, respect you and look up to you 10000 times more than to his real stupid dad. Maybe in a perfect world, but you're also brushing off the "YOURE NOT MY REAL DAD" shit you'll have to go through if things go serious. I've dated a couple of single mothers, and kids arent as nice as you make them out to be.
Then there's the issue where the father is actually responsible. Great for the kid, but where exactly does this leave the stepfather? I'd probably rather the father just dropped out 100% compared to that situation.
it's not a hate it's just that single moms are perceived as damaged goods, whether they were knocked up as a teenager or had some abusive boyfriend or whatever reason they chose to bear the burden of a child as a single parent. These girls almost always come from lower class families and make low incomes due to not being able to go to school or even dropping out of highschool.
Myself? I've dated several single moms because I make enough that a kid doesn't really bother me financially and I can get a more attractive looking gf because no one else wants them.
>>16419141 There's this issue when there's a few grown-ups who are responsible for shit they've done in life and try their best to create a patchwork family. Which is just as full of problems as a normal family is. My real dad would beat me up as a kid, I wish my mother would divorce him much sooner and spared me humiliation and insecurity problems in my adult life.
And yes, kids are a mess, they are naughty, they poop, scream, make you feel bad on purpose. If they are your real kids it's sure much sweeter and their poop smells of flowers and their screams sound like angel choirs in heaven.
>>16419192 >Which is just as full of problems as a normal family is. My real dad would beat me up as a kid, I wish my mother would divorce him much sooner and spared me humiliation and insecurity problems in my adult life. You're making it sound like that's par for the course. It isnt.
>If they are your real kids it's sure much sweeter and their poop smells of flowers and their screams sound like angel choirs in heaven. You missed the point. That ultimately you know they're your kids, that you love them, and vice versa. A step kid can say you're not their real parent, imply that bond doesnt exist to begin with, and it carries more weight than a regular tantrum. Especially if you entered the family when the kid was 8 or something.
I'm not saying that people can't love their step parents and vice versa, I'm saying the process will generally be significantly more difficult and people need to be honest about that. You and others aren't.
I hate single moms that look to date weeks after they have separated from the father of their child. I have seen so many situations where the single mother dates, gets serious with another guy, and then breaks up to try and work it out with the father... Only to start dating again a few weeks after that fails. The child never gets any stability.
>>16419203 >That ultimately you know they're your kids, that you love them, and vice versa. Actually not. There are many women who feel obligated to love their own kids but they can't and feel guilty for not loving them. Probably not a huge group, but they exist.
I don't mean to say it's just as easy to love a step kid, but it's not impossible. Each kid is different and I believe these kids are much harder to love, but love is a process that you work on. Personally I would tell this kid accusing you of not being their real parent some words of truth >I know I'm not your real parent, but I love you as my own kid. You don't have to love me back, however you should respect me because I'm your real parent's beloved one. I'm going to stand on your and her/his side whether you like me or not. You have to earn their trust and respect and sure it's not easy, it's just that people aren't trash you can throw out because they are malfunctioning >unless you're my dad who refuses to go to therapist since 20 years because he's absolutely fucking normal
>>16418523 >Birth control can fail. >Abortions are expensive,and limited in certain areas. >The pill gets screwed up if you miss a single day,or take it at the wrong time. >Morning after only works on people in a certain weight range. >Adoption can be hard on someone mentally.
People can also be divorce,and is it solely her fault if that happens? Probably not. It could be,but probably not.
>>16419261 Exactly >immature guys who leave after they learn about pregnancy How come there are so few single fathers? They would have so many chicks wetting their beds once they admit to being a single father.
>>16419279 You should seriously know the answer to this. Kids are usually awarded to the mother unless she's a complete fucking mess. Also a lot of times the man doesn't want the kids, or the mother is single to begin with. A woman can't get a man pregnant and then disappear
>>16419247 It sounds more like you romanticize the idea of some man running in and replacing your biological father more than anything with the way you keep going on.
>>16419261 If birth controls and/or condoms fail, 99.9% of the time its due to personal failure. Stop using that as a crutch to avoid owning your mistakes, if a woman can't handle taking a pill at a specific time she shouldn't be having sex to begin with.
>>16419318 The average condom failure rate is actually 12%, but even then they explicitly state its typical use, not proper. When its through perfect use, it drops down to 2-3%.
Meanwhile, if you're taking medication that can turn make your birth control unreliable, hey maybe its a good idea to stop fucking for a while.
The vast majority of people who get pregnant despite condoms and BC were just being idiots, pure and simple. If we're going to balance our assumptions around the minority, we may as well drop the topic altogether.
Because I was raised by one. I basically got front row seats to see her destroy men's lives and drain them of their wealth. She's incredibly proud of how strong and independent she was for raising me all on her own, which is hilarious because I'm a a colossal fuck up, and also because someone else paid for everything at pretty much every step of the way.
>>16419290 youdontsay.jpg >>16419299 I just know the other side from what most of this thread represent, which is >there was already other sperm on this chick, too much effort, doesn't calculate for muh sperm >>16419303 Lovey-dovey romantic whimsical magic, shitloads of kittens videos, volunteering. Not that hard desu.
1. you come second to the child 2. your gf has no free time 3. you might not like the kids 4. you may be forced to have more kids than you want, if you want to have your own 5. if you break up, you may never see her kids again; which if you've raised them for years could be significant 6. the spectre of the ex partner, who may or may become crazy, intrusive etc etc 7. it shows a bad track record for the girl 8. looser vagina 9. financial burden of the kids 10. they kids might not accept you as a figure of authority, and that makes them unbearable to live with
it's not that guys hate them, they are just not as desirable at partners
>>16419355 >>16419363 When I said >>16419350 I had pictured when I got my Sapphire version from this kid. He had played all the way up until you fight your rival on the path under the cycling road, aka one of the most unfun points in the game and a few badges under his belt. Congrats for getting that far, but now this is MY game and it's gonna be MY adventure, and I don't really like Treecko that much anyways. See what I'm saying? I guess it doesn't translate that well into the single mother thing when you go into this kind of detail but I felt the need to clarify.
>>16419389 >Babies are expensive. >Don't wanna deal with baby. >Don't wanna deal with mom. >Can't sleep with person who just had a baby for 3 months. >Doesn't give two shits about baby or mom >One night stand >Thinks he will lose freedom >Have to be responsible now >Can't chill with bros with baby
Stuff like that,probably. There's probably tons of shitty men to go with the single women. If they were alright,they'd probably take care of the kid sometimes. Enough to go on dates or something.
>>16418471 My best friend is a single mom. She's also a beautiful and intelligent woman; ideal in pretty much every one of my aspects.
Except for the fact that she's a single mom. I'm not ready to deal with children of my own, let alone someone else's child. Her circumstances are rather unfortunate, but that doesn't make the prospects of dealing with her mess of a life any less unappealing.
I wouldn't even bang her, because she is terrifyingly-fertile.
Imagine a single mother as a table in a cafeteria with food spilled on it. Had it been you who spilled the food, you might be inclined to clean it up. But since it was someone else who did it, it's easier to just sit at another table without the mess.
I don't have any intention of having kids of my own. I have no desire to raise kids. I don't at all expect every single mom to be looking for a father for her kid, but if the relationship persists for any length of time, that child will inevitably become part of my life and I am just not comfortable with that.
>>16419449 Except no matter what, you're still a kek in the end if you get to be with her, as someone else made that thing and had actually experienced her before you. You're now watching the development of a pillsbury doughboy.
>>16419375 This. Especially the last one. My cousin moved in with us because her parents were having a huge custody battle and my mom was the godmother. She was only related to me, my brother and my mom and she made sure she emphasized that when speaking to my step dad. She was an absolute unbearable 7 year old bitch to him because she didn't respect him as an authority figure. In almost 14 years I've only ever seen my step dad raise his voice in anger twice. One of the times was at her. That shit will wear you down.
>>16419415 >in fact you discovered a whole new strategy Yeah, let's teach said Treecko the Bullet Seed TM! Starting a new meta, nobody is as sly as me! Let's get 3 Zigzagoon to passively Pickup items while we're at it!
Completely leaving the OP topic behind, your argument was complete shit because of where I said the kid was in the game before I got it. There's really no room for improvement or variation at this stage, aside from trading or something. It's a pretty straight line.
>>16419288 To be a single father you have to take responsibility beyond what a single mother would. To be a single dad you actively have to want to take care of a kid or have already been in a position where the kid was yours anyway(wife dies)
With a single mom that's not necessarily true and while I don't think single mothers are whores I do see why the duality exist.
>>16419435 Well the alternative is ruining your life. And no I wouldn't go through the pregnancy, I would just get an abortion. Actually I wouldn't get an abortion because I wouldn't be pregnant to begin with.
>>16418471 I do not hate them, I just wouldn't date them this may change with age though, I'm 23 and a single mom that age has quite clearly made some poor decisions, unlikely she's educated and I wouldn't be able to (or want to) support a family emotionally nor financially yet.
that said when I'm 30 or 40 (and she is too) all of this would probably matter way less, if at all.
Everything is just a lot more complicated when there's a kid involved.
Part of you feels like things automatically inherently get more serious and less casual because there's a risk if you meet the kid, they might get attached to you and you to it, which makes breaking up an extra daunting idea. Even if you both are dating casually, logistics are always a bit more messy because you always have to work around the mother's schedule, and her place tends to be off-limits.
It's just more potential baggage, headaches, and responsibility than most guys are willing to put up with, especially when you're both young.
>>16419261 >>Abortions are expensive,and limited in certain areas. >Morning after only works on people in a certain weight range. So if your child asks why he exists you will tell him that you could not financially afford to get rid of him or that you where too fat.
>>16418471 Because it's their own fault for being selfish shits. The person you have children with should be based on how suitable of a father they will be, not because you "love" them. Choose fathers, not men you want to fuck.
>>16418471 You seem focused on the physical aspect of having a kid in the picture, but what about the emotional?
>Man dates a single mom for a long period of me >gets attached to her and child/ren >Things eventually go south and the couple breaks up >Man now gets emotionally severed from a family, instead of just a person >Kid/s gets fucked up by losing another father-like figure >Everyone's twice as unhappy
In almost every scenario, it's more trouble than it's worth.
Because most likely the kid is gonna grow up and be a piece of shit like his\her father. Why should I suffer for your mistakes? Some douchebag who you naively believed when he said " I love you" is probably the reason you're currently in this position. If you're a widow, then sorry, but at least your not starving to death.
I don't want to get arrested for trying to discipline the child, when all he has to do is go to his school and tell the teacher that I diddly'd him >all because I wanted him to learn common sense and eat vegetables
The first girl i really talked to was a single mom. It didn't work out for whatever reason but i'm glad i never went further with her, it just would have made things worse because it never would have worked out.
Because I don't want to be raising another man's kid while your libido falls through the floor and you can't figure out if you're going to be a bitchy housewife or if you just can't give up the party lifestyle yet.
I'm 19 now, started dating a single mom when I was 17 and lived with her for a year in my appartement. (She is now 24.) Officially she still lived with her ex because she had to but she was almost always at my place when the father was taking care of the kiddo. (She lives in an institute for young parents who still need to learn how to parent.)
At first she was a nice person, not to good looking but she did a lot for me. After a while though I started to learn her true self. She was craaaaazy as fuck.
But a side from that to stay on topic, the problems related to this thread are that she needed to make time for her child. And because of that you don't get the feeling that you're special. You rather get the feeling that some dudes seamon grew a living being in your gifriends stomach that she needs to take care of and in some relationships (Not mine) she expects you to take care of which grosses you out. And what grosses you out further is that your girlfriend sees her ex because of the child. If you really love a girl it's not a great feeling that she still sees her ex. It makes you think about them being together, or how they were together. Which can freak you out especially when you're still in the stages of learning to trust each other. Another problem is that you're confronted by the fact that if you ever get a child with her, it isn't the first.
My husband passed away 4 years ago and men won't even give me a chance anymore when they find out I have a child. It stinks but nothing we can do about it, men shouldn't be forced to talk to us if they don't want to. I never wanted to raise my son without a father though, it's going to hurt him more than me.
A lot of people seem to have covered all the points, but basically it comes down to:
-ex daddy might still be around
-kid costs money and attention
-woman's spare time is cut severely
-kid is a constant reminder of your lady being used goods
-feeling like a tool for raising some other guy's kid
-the odds of her giving you your own children are significantly lower, she already has her hands full
-feeling like a woman's number 2 forever
-the amount of girls available that don't have children are very good
Single moms are good for a fuck only, definitely not relationship material, never will be. And mind you, I am not a picky guy at all. I'd take a relationship with an uglier girl, single moms are just NOT an option unless they are fucking rich
Another reason why you don't want to date a single mom is that if you date her for a while, you could be considered as assuming a parental role to the kid(s), and suddenly you're obligated to pay child support... for a child that isn't even yours. It's like playing with fire.
If you're in your thirties you can probably get by. Some guys will be fine with it but you can't really blame them for not wanting to include a third party in their relationship who will always be more important than them. There's no shame in being a mature single mom.
That said. No guy in their 20s is interested in that kind of baggage, and if you had a kid when you were really young, despite what young mothers tell themselves, it's a huge red flag that you're immature and irresponsible.
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