Met a girl and now I feel melancholic all the time. It's a weird period where I don't know her that well and although we are talking, I'm anticipating finding out that she doesn't like me as much as I like her. Preparing for disappointment I already listened to Take Care last night.
>I chose not to be a family man, and my parents are dissapoint. Well, fuck you, I'm a human being, making my own choices. I'm not born and bred, obligated to give you gramdchildren. I chose career, and children would be fucked up and neglected anyways.
>To my ex: Thanx for picking the absolutely worst time to leave me, during our 8 years together. You should have left before my most troublesome year ever. Preferrably, before you started cheating on me.
Felt good, getting that off my chest. Thx, OP, for this bread.
I told you this, but you have a hard time wanting to discuss things. Apparently the best thing is to sit comfortably without talking about certain subjects, because it might get heated, or you know, we might actually solve some issues. But it's just easier to say "whatever, I don't want to do this".
We've been friends for 21 miserable fucking years. Early on, we had real issues, you would act like a bully, though I can accept that your behavior back then was affected by how shitty your entire family was. Is. I am sorry that you still have to acknowledge their fucking existence. Later on we would hang out everyday only to find you had to go live somewhere else and only come here every summer for a few days. That was devastating, because it just mixed with dropping out of school, losing my friends and basically many of my reasons to be a normal, decent human being.
But I came through. I came through and you know it. You stopped being obese, I followed years later. You started going out more, I followed as well. I thought you were better than me in many ways, and as my only friend, I considered you my role model for life. There were rough times, like Frank being a dickhead, but what you did wasn't cool at all. I know he's been always the same kind of clown, but beating someone down for $20 is not the kind of thing I signed up for. In any case, I ended up accepting it. You were a bit more aggressive, maybe because of your family. And you always had a knack for negotiations, you always follow the money. The issue is, that's been always the case, to a dangerous point.
Let's go back 2 years. I don't know if it was the fact that I managed to lose weight, that you trusted me enough to push me into getting back to school. You thought I could do it, and you seemed happy about it. I did it, I went back, made some friends, after a decade of just knowing and trusting you...
>>16419874 ...the first year was pretty groundbreaking. I thought I would be ridiculized to death and all, I had a pretty low self-esteem. It wasn't hard at all, my teachers and the class were pretty alright with me. It was the polar opposite of when I left that fucking hellhole. I felt like I was finally moving forward. I know you don't seem to like to talk too much about your experiences when you went back to school, but I definitely met some interesting people. I made some friends I would hang out with everyday... and then by summer, when I got to a point where I was comfortable, they were leaving me behind. They decided to live their life in a different way. I waited for you, and all you did that year was judge me for being with them, or any fuck ups. You weren't happy about my progress. I was finally proud of something in my stupid fucking life and you didn't seem to like it much. I tried hard to keep my cool. I was just waiting for the next year of classes.
And that's where I met this lady, Sarah. We became closer as friends in less time that I could ever become with you. We would do everything together, to a point where people asked if we were a couple. She felt for me an amount of admiration I wasn't able to cope with. She genuinely cares about me, and that's something that I could not imagine at all. If it weren't for her, I would give up on many things in this one crappy year.
And then summer happened. You came here with a good attitude, but it soon came down to negotiations. You didn't even believe that this woman and I could be even friends, because you never really had hopes for me, just considered me a permavirgin, didn't you. You came here just to see if I could do some buying/selling from you, only to treat me like I'm a dumb fuck. The only thing you saw me as, was another fucking client willing to get rid of an item for a very low price. Just so you can make money and be dodgy about shit. I can no longer call you best friend.
>get into big public uni dream school >parents tell me not to go, other adults warn me >siblings on board with my decision >I decide to go to dream school >be loner, who likely had autism/masochistic/paranoid personality disorder >go to school, seem to make "friends" easily >couple dudes on my floor hated the fact that I was a "nice guy" and that girls found me handsome >roommate suggests I look into girl I was friends with >start having feelings for girl I was friends with whom he suggested I look into >seemed like she had feelings for me too >she gets off sexually to hurting other people >start taking adderall >feelings start becoming an obsession >piss a lot of people off on addies >do shitty in school >all of a sudden the last day I was there people were laughing at me behind my back >change schools >still in love with girl >still taking adderall >i confess my feelings for her on text (I'm crazy on addies) >she ends up banging my ex roommate in my old bed >pretty sure she texted me in the middle of sex
>return back to old school one weekend >girl wanted me and old roommate to go in her room so she could kek me and hurt my feelings >I don't agree to going up to her room >ask random girl on the side of the dorm a question, >she doesn't respond to my question but goes on to tell me that "I'm sure you're a nice guy though" and how she knew who my roommate was >worried that my ex-roommate took a snapchat of my penis >worried that other people saw my penis flaccid >worried that they printed out a picture of my penis and gave it to girls so they could use my penis as a sex toy on valentine's day >don't know how I'm going to be successful with pictures of my penis out there >text a bunch of crazy shit to girl I had feelings for on adderall, she's kept all the messages
>>16420364 >btw, have to take medical leave out of new uni because I was going crazy on adderall >adderall made me manic, started getting way in my head >had to go inpatient at a mental health facility for a week >getting treated now for a mood disorder
>the girl has a boyfriend now but hinted at an inside joke we were both in on twitter >I haven't spoken or texted her in 9 months >she is still thinking about hurting me just like I think about her hurting me >ask a bunch of people on my old floor about a snapchat photo and everyone says it didn't happen (should I believe them?)
Should I engage these people and try to salvage a relationship? How fucked am I? Do I need to move to another state?
I knew a scammer like that named A he posts on here pretending to be other initials. We tried to tell him it's okay to be gay but he kept being a prick. He also molested his cousin A and B. They are now all in extreme denial and post here to feel better. It's sad.
I don't really want to forgive you for lashing out at me. The grain of truth in the things you accused me of is wrapped up in a huge mass of hurtful, insulting, condescending, demeaning implications that are, in reality, more reflective of your own insecurities than they are of my flaws. You try to paint me as being this deluded, insignificant, insecure person because that's what you think of yourself.
You don't make any real effort to understand my position because it's too satisfying for you to, in your mind, have finally brought me down to your level. Fuck you. Fuck you and your inability to accept that I'm smarter, more likable, and imbued with a greater sense of my own significance than you are. I'm sorry for the insecurity that you must have developed growing up in my shadow, but the fact that you've decided to deal with that by constantly trying to lord your positive qualities over me in an effort to make me feel bad, inferior, to make me feel as bad as you do about yourself, is unforgivable.
I've NEVER picked on your insecurities, always tried to reassure you and bolster your self-confidence, never taken an iota of pride in the advantages I have over you. I thought we could just be bro's and not have our differences come between us. But no, you had to shape your festering insecurities into a weapon with which to attack me, because you hated the idea that I would be more successful than you because of my lucky genetic dice roll. Your fucking childish, hyper-competitive masculinity has warped your worldview in such a way that you think everything I say and do is some kind of battle for dominance over you, and you react by trying to dominate me, when in reality I don't see things in that light *at all* and you're just being a fucking asshole.
I don't care that your dad is a bullying asshole and that "that's just how you were raised", fucking get over his toxic influence and stop using it as an excuse to act like a giant child.
I will force you to mature mentally whether you like it or not scammer. Don't twist things around you have been a passive agressive prick to me and everyone at one point. Let it go stop projecting your own sick and twisted mind onto others.
I want you out of my life because I want you out of my head. Ever since the day I last saw you, every day or two I have to fight a battle in my head against you because of how much influence you have over me. A decade of friendship, more privileged access to my head than perhaps anyone else, and what do you do? You play games with my head like a fucking catty teenage girl, a thousand little comments trying to undermine and undercut me, trying to chip away at my sense of self-worth because you can't stand the idea that I'm better than you.
I never think about being better or worse than anyone else, ever! You are literally the only person that I'm forced to think about this with, because it's the only way to explain why you act like such a dick! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can't you just be happy for me? Why does everything always have to devolve into a competition with you?
And the fact that you just RUN from accepting responsibility for all this, my god, that's perhaps the worst thing of all. Because that means I can't talk about it with you. At all. I would be perfectly willing to try and salvage this relationship if there was any hope of being able to talk out our differences, but in the face of any meaningful criticism about yourself you lock up like a turtle retreating into its shell and start defending yourself by lashing out at me. How incredibly ironic, that bit.
Fuck you, and your new "friend" fuck man sfter 4 yesrs and a ton of promises she just deleteme snd blocked me that way? Never insult her or threst her bad, never cheated, fuck sakes she was laughing while I was trying to say goodbye, fuck life, only sex and death are real
What you need to grasp if this is you A is that at this point you are only projecting the story of what you did to start all this conflict to begin with. I do not talk to you or know you but you chose to project qualities onto me and towards others to uplift your overly inflated ego. All I am doing is trying to make you see that what you have done has consequences. You have harassed me and anyone who you think has a drive of their own in life. You can weave the story that you want but truth is you are still angry and obsessed that you also refuse to take responsibility and move on with your life. Instead you encouraged you, your family and your friends to attack others in some misguided form of vengeance. A vengeance because your lifestyle depends upon exploiting others. I did not agree with you or what you are doing and walked away with no intention of looking back. You chose to provoke and harass. I only pity you as a person and as a human being. That's the last I'll say to you honestly. Stop projecting, let it go time will heal all wounds. Done posting about this.
>>16420651 I am not "A". (I do acknowledge that I sound like I have an overly inflated ego, though, and I would ask forgiveness for this on the basis that, historically, I've been overly modest and internalized an excess of humility because [I think] I had difficulty accepting a healthy sense of self-worth. So, while it's entirely possible that I'm swinging too far in the OTHER direction and am now sounding like a pompous jerk, my overall intention is to internalize a sense of self-worth that can simultaneously withstand ill-intended attacks from others while still maintaining a sense of humility and modesty).
>>16420541 I've explored my sexuality with both men and women and am entirely comfortable with it. I'd suggest that anyone who accuses people of being "fags in denial" might have some introspection about their own sexuality to do.
>>16420696 I agree with you. I would go further and suggest that you shouldn't be an asshole to people who DO deserve it, because I think anger and aggression only begets more anger and aggression. The way to get somebody to change is to be calm and supportive and to reason with them - berating people to try and make them "see what's wrong" is an unhealthy way to get people to improve.
Another girl this year told me that I'm really cute; now she wants to go out with me this weekend. So I'm nervous because her and I want a lasting relationship, and the longest relationship that I've had lasted 2 months.
I have only 3 friends, I mean buddys I hang out with every weekend and drink beer. The rest of my social relationships are very unstable, so without them I would be very bored in my free time. Lately I noticed their toxic impact and behaviour, so I've stopped treating them as serious friends (we've known each other for 5yrs tho), but I stuck to them because I didn't want to be lonely. Last friday I got into argument with them, it wasn't necessary but I got really mad, and went home. At the beginning I was proud that finally I standed to myself, but then I felt depressed for my decision as I realized that I can't leave them. That event probably won't set us apart, but I don't know how to feel about this. I know I should leave them, but I'm too afraid to do this, because I used to be a loner a I know how terribble it is to stay every weekend at home.
>>16420967 No, I'm 19. Unfortunately, my first and only girlfriend in the past was into heavy drugs, and shit went downhill fast. I had to break up since it was toxic for my life seeing that happen to a person.
If you're a guy just move on. Improve yourself, read a LOT, volunteer, be in groups, have goals and activities you enjoy and give it time. Girls say one thing then do another when they feel like it. That's how it is, focus on your life. If you have haters, you're going somewhere and they're mad that they will be proven wrong. Let their miserable mouths blabber. Toxic people do not have an ounce of positivity in their body and they'll infect you with it. Walk away and don't let them cling onto you! Love yourself and protect yourself most importantly so you can protect and love your loved ones in the future. Not exploit them lol.
I'm meeting this girl for a catch-up this week and I don't want her thinking it's a date now that we're going for drinks rather than just chilling. It'll be a good time if we do actually get a few drinks since she's quite awkward and shy and it'll open us up a bit and potentially improve our friendship.
Yeah bitch I don't trust you. Keep your enemies close they say.
You tried to fuck me over to get with my ex. You wanted me out of the scene. You tried to isolate and control, even from my own family. You try to dictate who I should hangout with hahaha. No. And that's the reason I don't bring any of my friends to this apartment. They tell me something about you doesn't sit right and to not trust you for a reason. You're a liar and a manipulator.
Though I find it funny how desperate you are for attention when people are over and all I have to do is sit in my pajamas after a shower playing video games and your man won't follow you to your room. He'd rather sit in silence next to me. ;(
Your eyes are fucking insanely beautiful. It just wants to make me kiss and cuddle you and just stare at them. Though I'm sure I could make things happen between us, nothing will ever happen because you're 14 , I'm 19 and though you're really mature and in my country it won't have consequences. I'm not a pedo and I don't like being judged by the people around me.
How you can want a job How you can want to interact How you can want friends How you can want to be with family
I would like just to be alone, but you cannot live without money, where you must work, where you must interact, where people try to force themselves into your life because they think you are lonely. They can't understand not wanting these things, they think you are depressed, or need their help. It's just annoying..
>>16421008 hey, thanks for the words. I'm a grill but gender doesn't matter when it comes to dealing with these type of stuff. Actually I'm still improving on myself, what I like, reading sometimes but mostly play games, lol. What helps me a lot now is going to run while listening to awesome music everyday. The trick is in maintain yourself busy, but sometimes I break and I end up thinking about what happened with him and... well, it makes me sad because what I feel about him was so strong, well, I have to move on.
Luckily I have a bunch of good friends that supports me, and they say the same as you: that it's important to focus on and love yourself first. Obviously I'm not gonna exploit them, lol.
How the hell is it even possible to crave another human being to such an extent? You haven't even spoken to me in months, but that just makes me miss you more. I miss your smile, your laugh, your eyes. You're so perfect. And no matter what I do you just don't want to even talk to me? It makes me feel worthless. Like less than dirt. Like I don't deserve to ever be happy. Maybe I don't.
I feel like the most pathetic person in the region right now. A while ago an ex of mine introduced me to some stupid means of entertainment and for some reason I developed a "fixation" with a celebrity involved with it. I realized how unhealthy it was and how much the fixation was just a manifestation of my unhappiness and other related mental issues So I cut myself off from that media, worked on improving myself, tried to get away from my fixation. It never really did anything. It feels like this person whom I would never meet and never know kept popping up in my thoughts for no real reason. I was getting better though. I broke off my relationship, I've been out and about, working, dating, picking up hobbies. I was thinking about going to comic con soon, and when I saw an ad on craigslist for help at a booth I decided to take a look at ticket prices and see who all was going to be there.
Guess who is fucking going to be there. In my town. At the comic con I was going to go to. All of my fucking effort, gone. what is WRONG WITH ME
I felt the exact same way about her. I know she wasn't the only woman in the world and who am I to think I'm the only guy in the world neither. It was a growing experience for both of us probably well certainly for me it was. It was more of a revelation of myself. I miss her very much, I don't see her anymore and all the while I think about her. I almost forgot about her but I didn't want to probably the reason why I browsed these threads. I thought in my heart that we were soulmates even as persons. But there was hurt and I couldn't just stay. So I took my own advice and went on a journey to be a man. A man that can support a family in the near future, a man that can take care of his parents. And no matter how much pain the journey gives me I'll always think of her from time to time and say yup. She was my angel.
I guess I'll admit that I'm not over it. Wish I could say it to her but life is hard enough so I'll smile. Laughter is the only thing I have sometimes. One day I promised I'll look back and say I did it. I promise that I will.
I don't know what to do with my life. I'm so sad and lonely I just want to cry thinking about it. I'm only 19 but I feel like I'm getting nowhere. I feel like I'm drowning or suffocating. I'm scared of dying only to be quickly forgotten. I want people to remember me for a long time once I go, but I don't see that happening. I've gotten mad crushes on other guys but I completely disregard them because I've spent my whole life convincing everyone including my religious family that I'm straight. I just want to be loved so bad. I thought I was the person to never consider suicide, but as time passes I think about it more and more. This is all coming from the guy who always acts positive around others, laughing at just about anything. I'm never this negative in person.
>>16421775 Hey man, I rarely ever ask to talk to anyone on here but youre 19 and have so much to look forward to. Im a depressed wreck and its sort of ironic that im trying to give advice but theres so much you could do if you wait until college. Join some groups who have similar interestd to you. Who knows, maybe then you'll find a guy or whatever you fancy who might learn to love you for who you truly are.
>>16421773 I'm sorry for my broken english, isn't my native language, anyways, that what you say it's exactly that I felt with him. He surely was a big person in my life. I think we were soulmates, and hell, I'm not even a person who can express her feelings so easy but with him, I've felt secure, I've opened my heart to him.
The day we broke he told me that perhaps we met at the wrong time, a time when we can't be together -that was the reason why we separated- but if we are meant to each other, sooner or later we will meet again. At first I didn't understand, I thought that him didn't want to do anything to stay with me, but when time passed... I understood better. I was so happy the time I was with him, and I'm sure that he was happy with me too.
Some people stay, some people pass, but life and time goes on. It's really hard, but we have to move on, cheers dude.
So, is this how it's going to be? Okay...I don't know if you want war, but I'll take you to war. I'll take all you motherfuckers to war!!!!! No one is going to escape my wrath. All you cocksucking backstabing faggots and whores are going to get what's coming for yall. FUCK ALL YALL!!!!!
Here I am, I'm back. I'm back to what I left behind. I hate it, but I hate all of you more. This is what you wanted, right? So deal with it bitch!!!!
My girlfriend and I are getting back together after I stopped acting like an inconsiderate fuckboy, and despite moments when she acts comfortable with me she still acts distant, or even doesn't talk to me on some days. But we still go on dates, kiss, and all that. I'm fucking confused.
I don't try because I know I'm going to give up anyways. I realize this is a shitty self fulfilling prophecy, but it's completely inescapable. Even if I was do something today, it's only a matter of time before I'm back to square one. Why put myself through that again?
Fell in love with best friend awhile ago. She goes from relationship to relationship pretty quickly. Her past is a pretty good explanation. Never had any issues with any of the guys, they were pretty chill. I've gotten to the point where I know her pretty well. Not interested in dating, just fine being friends. Half way through semester and first year introduces her to another first year guy and they hit it off. Guy is nice, easy going, worked in our field since he was young, I'd date him. Can't stand being around the guy, and feel threatened. He's younger and steps up socially. Emotions have been flaring up lately as well so this fucking sucks. Already felt like I've been losing touch with everybody else in my program too, so I'm starting to feel crazy about losing a friend.
my girlfriends best friend hates me and is gonna quickly become a pain in my ass as she tries to subvert my girlfriends respect for me and our communication. my job sucks. and I'm always broke and on the verge of financial ruin.
but god forbid if i try to assert myself just a goddamn little so I can dig myself out of this hole.
this shit is going to get out of hand, and we'll all be lucky to not have all our shit wrecked by it.
I know I'll make it through, always have, always will. made it through some of the worst of what the world has to offer.
Shut-in NEET for 10 months. Got a call for an interview+exam. The position is temp-to-hire with good pay. I'm nervous since it is fast-paced and hard, but even if it's temporary at least I'll cease being a NEET for a handful of months. This is no way for a human to live.
Zeppelin- You're the only thing to stop me from ending it all. That small chance that one day I will see you again leaves too much for me to dare chance missing out on. I don't want to bother with career if I'll not have you to live life with. It might be pathetic, but truly, you're the last thing I have interest in. "But I still love you so, I can't let you go I love you- ooh baby I love you."
Feeling like I'm going to start spastically laughing when I'm around you people. Probably because I feel like rejecting everyone would make things better. I already know it's because I'm still figuring out how to best cope with stress.
Just sent all letters out today,including some belongings an whatnot. Strangely enough I had fun sending it all out,but there's no turning back now.
I'm turning off the lights and leave the phone at the doorstep with this thread open,but battery will be dead anyway by then. I'm going out now for the longest trip in life. Might be my shortest as well.
I have some anxiety issues when trying to talk to women in public places.
I don't know what would be a comfortable distance to sit near them in a cafe/bar/park/any other public place where you can sit and chill out and probably start a conversation with them without looking and sounding like a suspicious weirdo.
>>16422202 No,but that guy inspried me to finally go with this. It's dead night but all I could think of you guys. I better leave the phone inside so I can't get it back anymore. Now the lights are out for real.
It was so weird though, "there you are" still no? That's a shame.
It is a weird painting but Liz said not to change it. I'm not convinced because I never noticed they're not holding hands, it was the way I interpreted it. A good conversation piece though. Because they are holding hands. Art that can't be sold, so who do I give it to? I hope you do finish my Pan painting if I don't. I've made a stock take of paint.
How could you leave me like this?
"dunno, you're very far away"
I imagine you went through the same, but couldn't they quickly make us happy? No.
I can't even imagine what my exhibition would be like. A few strong pieces but I need another 40.
I was right and she was a scammer who wanted to record me jacking it over Skype so she could blackmail me for £200. After she refused to send me a time-stamp I called her out on the scam and she admitted and still asked me for money. I posted an article on the scam to her Facebook wall so the other lads she was messaging would know what's going on. I don't feel bad in the slightest.
Grandma, it's been three years. I told you once that you will dance on my wedding, but you've gone away too soon and so did the boy I loved and was supposed to wed. I was left alone to rot alive here without you. It was All Hallows Day not long ago, and I went to visit your grave, and his - I realised I hate living like that. I carry on with my daily chores but deep down I hate myself for it. What kind of punishment is it? Why ficke fortune took you, took him - but left me? I won't ever love any man as I loved him, and no family member or friend will be closer to me than you were. I have a modest life, empty but convenient, yet I can't find solace in that, I'm co constantly drifting away and away, and no anchor to hold me down. I wish for death with all my heart, I do. But wishes rarely come true, so I will have to take care of that myself. I hope you will forgive me that. You were such a strong person, survived death of your parents, and husband and child. Survived the war. But I can't, I'm weak and I can't go on much longer. I hope you will forgive me. And you my love, I know you would understand.
You're a real dishonest, self-defeating shithead. But still, the times when you were being yourself - I was really, really attracted to you. I wish you didn't look at yourself the way that you do. And you're too old to still have such teenage insecurities about your body. You shouldn't have gone and ruined a chance you had at being happy simply because of your insecurities and fears. There's nothing I can do about any of that. I already tried. But I sincerely hope that the rest of your whole life isn't like this.
>>16422210 you're in a real shit situation - it wont get better unless you could calm down, but you can't calm down because you're aware of your own anxiety. You just gotta read some books. That's really all I got. Read some Raymond Carver or Chekov.
Experiencing tons of stress at my first big job as a junior software developer because there is a project deadline coming up and we are not done. My girlfriend refuses to have any sort of packaged foods in the house because she has a healthy food obsession and I want to break up with her for restricting my lifestyle as well as other reasons. I hate her right now.
I don't have any friends, it's been 2 years since my last gf. I go out all the time because I hate being this alone, and I know I won't meet anybody by just staying at home. But because of how often I go out, I also know that I won't meet anybody by going out either. I just don't know what to do. It's been 2 years since I've spoken to somebody outside of required social interactions and pleasantries.
I feel kinda worthless right now, and it's a shitty feeling. Its my own fault that I feel this way, I over think and take things personally when I probably shouldn't. And I can't get anything done when I'm all sad like this. I just wish stuff could get back to normal.
I want you to stop hugging, touching, tickling, handholding, arm linking with me so we can begin a normal friendship. You got over our short lived relationship a lot easier than i did, and if i dont set up some physical boundaries im going to become increasingly depressed until i say something mean to you that i regret, but im weak and i dont have the heart to tell you to stop.
>>16422573 Known someone awhile. We finally got to meet in person. I felt like we really clicked in person. He said and did a few things when we were together that made me think there was maybe something more there. Since then, he's been pretty quiet and indifferent toward me. I don't know how to proceed.
>>16422689 Yeah... I miss my person a lot, but they won't respond to my messages so now I just need to wait it out, hope they come back around soon. For you, I'd just say be nice and be honest. If he doesn't accept it/you, then he wasn't right anyway. Good luck!
>>16419656 I'm worried about Christmas. It's stupid, silly, and childish, but I'm worried I won't be able to make up the $500 I need to get everything I want to get, plus wrap. I worried because I'm putting myself at risk working so hard and not saving my money or even buying enough food, while the family I'm buying for is always supporting me and trying to help me succeed. I'm afraid they'll be disappointed in me for being irresponsible, and I'm afraid I'll disappointing myself because I only have about $100 of spending money from each bi-weekly paycheck. It will all be worth it in the end, though.
What does it matter if I wanted to see your fucking boobs. You're a girl, I'm a guy why does that weird you out for the rest of your fucking life? I hope you balloon up to a fucking Goodyear blimp bitch
My entire teenage and early adult life i just want a girlfriend, in the past 4 weeks alone 2 girls have literally thrown themselves at me but i shot both down because i was scared and didnt know how to act. Now here I am, still alone, with 2 girls that I most likely wont ever fucking talk to again. FUCKING GOD DAMMIT WHY
>>16422798 Talk to them. If they're throwing themselves at you, you're doing it for a reason. It's hard to get a girlfriend but the right girl will help you figure it out and deal with any awkwardness and stuff. Good luck.
I'm trapped between the idea of using altruism as a means of self validation and the rationale that I shouldn't let people walk all over me. This leads to either hesitation when making related decisions, or regret when I act without thinking, regardless of whether or not things worked in my favor.
The world is a fucking beautiful place yet I'm sitting in some cold suburb, crying, alone, and hoping that the girl I like messages me and likes me back. Some part of me wants to take advantage of my youth and money (I don't have much but I could get away from it all for a while) and just go crazy. I want to hop on a plane and see the world. I want to watch a sunrise over the ocean, I wanna swim with sharks, I wanna climb to the top of a mountain... Something. But, nope, sitting here crying over some girl and trying to figure out if I'm too fucking beta/clingy and if it's all worth it. And all of this loneliness has just shown me how boring my life is, like literally sitting here on 4chan and doing nothing with my life. Fuck, man.
>>16422870 I don't know, is the issue. Like I'm crying over a girl who I care about deeply cause we're no longer in contact for the past little while, and that makes me feel shitty. I don't know what to do. I text her but get no response. In her defense, she did warn me about it, but it doesn't make being ignored much better. I know I need to stop basing my happiness off of shit like that but I'm having a hard time doing that, cause one day she cares and we're doing great and the next minute she's ignoring me. And this has happened before and it hurts every time. And when it happens I wanna do dumb shit. Last time I came this close to boarding a bus and just seeing how far it would take me. I know I shouldn't cry but it's all I can do when I feel this dejected. I'd literally be fine with being friendzoned right now cause at least I'd know where I stand. Life is rough when shits like this. I also hate myself cause I know that all of these emotions will be gone whenever she messages me again, if she ever does. My phone will buzz and I'll be super happy again cause hey, the girl I like is talking to me and we're doing good, life can't be too bad. And we'll do fine for a bit. But if this happens again I'll be like this again. So its the fact that I can barely regulate my own emotions that pisses me off and makes me sad, like this girl has a grip on me and I know how fucking beta that makes me... I wish I could smoke again or drink again. Damn it, M.
>>16422870 I wish I could just make it happen and the more I think about it, the more I think that if she texts me again I'm gonna give it one final shot and just be direct and honest. That's not like me but I feel likes its all I can do.
This armchair psychologist sure doesn't know what they're talking about. Reminds me of a guy named blue and his blue cohorts from effiel 65. Yes it was a catchy song but it also covered depression as well. Over all I would recommend this song to armchair psychologists worldwide.
>>16422896 being direct and honest is the only way, especially if she is causing you to feel emotions you have not felt before. if you be honest with her, you will get what you need to hear. if she continues to ignore you after knowing about how sad it makes you, then she is selfish and you need to look elsewhere or consider only wanting to be friends with this person. maybe they wont be on and off forever with all the ignoring but if it makes you feel like shit to wait around then is it worth it or what is worth to you then.
I'm really sorry but I don't know how to help William. I genuinely have no idea how to help him, or if he even needs my help. I spoke to his mother at the funeral, tried to offer what little bit of support I can, but she never called. I don't think there's anything I can do, Ren. I know you wanted me to help him out with his problems but I don't think I'm qualified. He needs better help than me. He needs real help. Still, the offer to his mother stands, and I sincerely hope you won't hold my inaction against me. I would do anything I could to make good on my word, but I just don't think there's anything I can do at this point. Either way, I love you, and I miss you all the time. I think about you when shit's going great and when it's going awful. Somehow you always manage to bring me back from the brink. I miss you, man. There's just not enough I can put in this little text box. Even if I could put it into the proper words, the words that I can't get out of my head, I'd still be talking to myself, every bit as inane as usual.
>>16422922 Yeah, true enough, man. I don't think she knows exactly how much it hurts and I don't wanna sound like a crazy person or super clingy, but you're right. I'll be honest next time we talk and see what happens. I feel like a fool but I'd feel like a fool if I kept on accepting all of this shit anyway. Might as well take a shot and see what happens. Ugh, christ. Life and relationships are both so shitty sometimes.
>>16422961 wait you ppl aren't dating then? then why are you all worked up about it or then go after it and she would not act like that or shouldnt if she was with you. and the longer you wait the more bad you will feel because you mentioned you wanted to go on a bus
I thought my purpose in life was to enrich others' lives without causing any trouble for anyone, but recently I heard one of my best friends say that my life is pointless. That I might as well die. Well Damn.
>>16419656 It's been a year since we broke up but i still think about you even though i try my hardest to forget whatever happened between us, I would be lying if i said i haven't thought about sending you flowers to your house in hopes that what once was something can be it again. There's things i wish i could change and things that i never got the chance to do. To this day i'm still waiting for you.
I'm dying inside. My mom has been 5 days at the hospital and we still dont know when she will come home and when she will get better.
I cant believe this is happening to us, she is my only family and I'm devastated cause the last days everytime we get good news it turns out to be wrong or we get worse news.
My mom has always been a good mom and a good person. This is so fucking unfair. I cant understand why nothing good has happened to her in the last weeks. Fuck, I dont even know what to do, I'm so tired of crying and my prays are not responded.
What do I have to do to make my house a home again? to get my mom back healthy? to get my life together?
>>16423021 Sorry to hear about you're mom anon, I couldn't imagine what i would do without my mother either, she's the center of my universe. But you must not give up hope, i will pray for you're mom so you can have her back home.
Don't project and judge what you can't understand about others you pompous projecting prick. Stay mad about other people's lives. You're mad either way, you are a crab in a bucket and you will always be mad at others for whatever they are doing with their lives.
Some people just like to take their days off sit back, edit, write, read, listen to music all day. You're just jelly and insecure. It's all right blue you're a man child trying so hard to be a bif boy by bullying others behind their backs. Have a taste of your own medicine.
If I had said something I don't think it would've helped, but fuck, you're gone and I'll never get you back and at the back of my mind I feel like it was my fault even though it's irrational. Also I'm like 45% gay and I'm pretty sure I'm crazy or something like that
Got out of an abusive relationship. Surprising thing is, I still think she's not a bad person, for what that's worth. I think she's just really, really delusional as far as romance goes, and for that reason won't ever be able to have a healthy relationship until she fixes herself. I wasn't even certain that she was the toxic factor until I told her I wanted to break up, when she started insulting me, comparing me to her exes, accusing me of breaking her heart, talking about how hard she was trying for me, denying that she could possibly have done anything wrong... and so on and so forth. I'm really glad she said all those things, because it totally validated my choice. So yeah. I'm not really telling my friends about it, because I don't like talking shit about exes, but I really wanted to just talk about it and this seems like a good place for it.
Weird. My experience is drastically different compared to yours.
I was but a worthlessly lonely guy in the corner who would look like Elliot Rodger's bastard cousin. Now I'm far more social than ever because I'm in it.
It's weird, but I went from 0 to 180 in a matter of seconds. The only thing killing me here is the homework. I dislike the fact that the challenges are higher than ever, and that I HAVE to take it in order to get good money and shit from it.
So, as good as changes were to me, it's slowly killing me, like cancer from alcohol
Your immature and passive-aggressive vague-blogging used to bum me out, but now it's just really concerning how far you've decided to retroactively victimize yourself.
Holy fuck, not everything that someone does that manages to upset you is "abuse". I understand that you were hurt, but not a single part of his decision was intended for the sole, explicit purpose of hurting you.
"BUT THE WORLD IS OUT TO GET ME! ME! ME!"
You're going to wind up an insufferably bitter, self-pitying person if you keep on like this.
Stop going through your diaries to find situations that you can pass off as red flags; when you write to vent, you're only going to write about things that made you feel bad.
Just move on with your life.
You're entitled to your feelings of hurt, but I doubt you're going to grow from this. Every time you call him trash, garbage, scum, etc. and openly "reflect" on how meaningless your time with him was, and decide how unworthy he was of that, you're choosing to dehumanize him so you don't even have to consider how he's hurting now, too.
He left you because he wasn't learning how to manage his depression while in a relationship with you and he realized that it was going to fester if he let it go. It just absolutely blows my mind how you made it seem like he was asking you to swallow glass for him when he wanted to be friends afterwards because he still cares about you.
TL;DR: I'm fucking glad that you decided that you were done with him, because I was goddamn tired of watching you hurt my friend.
You were my friends for all my life, and I thought the day would never come that I'd need you like I have been needing you during these last months. And you were there for me, eventhough I had left you behind for so long. You probably do not even know, but you have helped me go through my hardest time. Without you, without those dinners all those nights that I would have been totally alone and hopeless otherwise, I don't think I'd be here still. I seriously considered to end it, and you were there everytime, without you even knowing. I hope you see that you made my life have a meaning, and made me understand what real friendship is. Now that these tough times have passed, and everything is ok again, I can see what I have gained, and at the end of the night I can sleep quietly knowing that I have nothing to fear, for I have someone who will always stand by me, MY FRIENDS.
im always feeling guilty for having thoughts of being with a girl that id really want to pursue a relationship with. I'm never committed to anything revolving around work, its an ongoing developing habit and it gets worst every month. Everyone around me seems pretty accepting of the fact and say really nice things, but I know I'm a failure. I'm scared of what I'll be like after hs, it feels like everything is falling apart. But in reality its just been building up. I make up for my lapse in logic with information I don't understand and backfires in the future. I wish I was hardworking, dedicated, and able to help others more.
>>16423199 If they have the tools to manage and cope with it, that's different. Being in a relationship where the other person is expecting you to be the rock all the time just means you're both gonna sink.
>>16423234 I enjoy learning about the prohibition era, my great great great grandfather was actually a famous moonshiner from the Carolina's. Languages are fun as well right now I am on French and Russian. I know Japanese, and I'd love to learn Korean. Send me a line aniki
I'm still slowly chipping away at anxiety and panic attacks. It's likely better than it used to be, but I'm getting tired of regressions. I can't meaningfully fix my core issues and I know that, only my psychological response can be altered.
My biggest concern is vertebral artery dissection or compression. My spine has a moderate scoliosis, my neck has problems, and my jaw is all fucked up. I have trigeminal neuralgia that's taken years and years to learn to manage. The fear of a stroke stems from a lot of places I'm doing quite poorly at reconciling. Life has been a miserable battle since day 1, there's nothing I'm not using, and if I acquired some sort of brain damage I worry I'd talk myself into not finishing the job.
Tired of it. My brain is a bit screwed to begin with though. I'm tired of feeling artificially limited, I'm tired of not getting anything done. Had a bit of a panic attack earlier and my mind is still all fuzzy, but at least it didn't outright lock down. I can't even write a basic idea out half the time, what a defective joke.
Chick in my Gen Bio class feels the need to be as deliberately scathing as possible with every comment directed toward me. Outright thinks I'm stupid because I'm from the South. But I don't have the heart to tell her I feel the same way about Midwesterners, because I don't feel like getting in a shouting match with a high school grad with no life experience or sense of humor.
I have raped two girls. Those are usually the mistakes that haunt me the most, besides between ages of 13-15 fondling and sexually abusing my younger sister on a consistent basis almost every night.
No, tonight I think about my youngest sister, the one whose life I have probably screwed up the most. I really was an insane, psychopathic kid and I still am one as an adult.
Every chance I had I abused my younger sister. She was 8 years younger than me, and all throughout her toddler years and elementary school years I abused her. I would kick soccer balls at her in the backyard, at her head, which probably did irreparable damage and killed brain cells, even without thinking of the psychological harm. I would hit her with basketballs on the patio, and probably threw a ping pong paddle at her head a few times too. In the pool I would throw her into the water against her will, and she would cry. I would only do these kinds of things when my parents weren't looking so I wouldn't get in trouble. When she was a baby I would pull the pacifier out of her mouth and not give it back to her and she would bawl and cry. I can't even imagine all of the psychological implications of these abusive practices. When she was old enough to understand, I would tease her and call her names and make her cry. I would push her over while she was walking or running outside or in the house. The thing that I don't understand is that when I was doing all of these things, I never felt a shred of regret or guilt. But now tonight, as if it all happened yesterday, I feel extraordinary guilt.
My question to you is how do I punish myself for all of this, for all of these terrible things I've done? What's the way I can hurt myself the most? I can't kill myself because that would give me a way out of feeling the guilt, which I deserve to feel. I hope their is a torturous hell for me, but I can't be sure of that, so killing myself to get there isn't a for sure thing.
Some girl I met on Tinder just started freaking out after I asked if I could see her face or if I could get a picture of her. I sent her nudes and everything. I just blocked her on kik. She even has my number. How fucked am I?
>>16423366 >throughout her toddler years and elementary school years I abused her. I would kick soccer balls at her in the backyard, at her head, which probably did irreparable damage and killed brain cells, even without thinking of the psychological harm. I would hit her with basketballs on the patio, and probably threw a ping pong paddle at her head a few times too. In the pool I would throw her into the water against her will, and she would cry. I would only do these kinds of things when my parents weren't looking so I wouldn't get in trouble. When she was a baby I would pull the pacifier out of her mouth and not give it back to her and she would bawl and cry. I can't even imagine all of the psychological implications of these abusive practices.
Jesus Christ I am a piece of shit I laughed.
Why was I allowed to breed and have children anon.
Dude I am crying because I am laughing so hard at this shit.
I'm entering this one alone, thousands of miles away fron anyone I love or know. One or two of them may still love me back, as expected of a mother and a sister.
3 months ago I was fired from my job, I left everything behind and started work in Colorado. Put aside my biotech project to save starving people and the environment, losing a potential opportunity to fly to space in the process. Left mostly everything behind at least, the heartache stayed from last year's relationship. Two weeks after moving here I found out my rebound gave me HIV. When I first found out I intended to suffocate myself with helium. It didn't quite make sense to kill myself after finding out I have a virus that's eventually going to kill me.
Slowly coming to terms with that fact I'll be on meds until I die of co-morbidities, and will likely spend my remaining days alone because I'm not selfish enough to attempt the idea of sex.
What kills me the more than the HIV is that I will never get to tell her I love her. She's depressed and all I wish I could do is be the one that makes her smile. Actually I don't even care if its me or not, I just wish she had the happiness she deserves. The most I can be at this point is a friend. As much as suppressing the strong feelings I have hurts, helping her is the only thing that brings me true happiness. I go without paying my own bills at any opportunity to support her. I miss her close cuddles so much. Waking up to her beautiful eyes, and squeezing her while we procrastinated getting out of bed for hours. I will never have her again, but experiencing everything I did with her gave me a clear understanding of what it's like to feel completely happy.
But today is my 25th birthday. I've survived father abandonment, maternal neglect, foster care, getting expelled, being homeless 6 times, alcoholism, trauma from abusive relationships, home wrecking 'best friends', loneliness, heartache, and up until now HIV. Whats next?
My insecurity is tearing me apart, professionally, romantically and socially. Professionally because I either stop caring and don't get shit done or panic and spend too much time on a simple task. Romantically because at least once a day I start imagining my gf cheating on me. Socially because of the first 2 insecurities I get toxic and dismissive of my friends.
I'm into you but the fact that you are my cousin's ex-girlfriend and were into my friend who kept rejecting all your advances because his best friend was my cousin makes me feel like I'd be a colossal dick if I made any moves.
>>16423158 If this isn't you two, I hope you're not in my situation. Because nobody needs this inane shit. Ignore this.
If it was you two the amount of revisionism I just witnessed was astounding, one I recently removed from contact, and his only "friend". gj minimizing your role
I'm not the only one sickened at the amount of retroactive victimizing. Every single drop of responsibility is gone from any actions he chose to take. How long before we never had a relationship and I was angry at nothing? I just pop into his life and made him feel sad, poor guy :c
Why a pass for depression on everything? It is forbidden to depress him but if I asked him to say one sorry about the littlest that hurt me, even a fucking joke he agreed wasn't worth a fight. it's a guaranteed fight from him because "I'm too sensitive. looking too much into it. Seeing things. Obsessed."
You're the one fucking dehumanizing him. Literally din du nuffin, and to be angry at him is to be angry at the virgin fucking Mary. That's not a person.
Depression has nothing to do with lying to my face, or refusing to acknowledge my issues seriously. Mocking me for them but expecting me to use baby gloves for his.
Cry a river with the fucking depression. Everybody's fucking depressed. I am. You are. This is a board for the depressed. I'd be his brand too if I went out of my way to fucking avoid other's attempts at contact and alienate them, and then cry about how everybody has been alienated.
In any dispute there's one side, the other, and the truth, and I can fucking guarantee yours is one side regurgitated through your mouth like a fucking pet eating scraps.
TL;DR If he cared, why was it always a fight when I asked if he did? When I asked him to apologize for something that hurt, or to invite him to something / do something for me?
Fuck me for having issues with him when he's already got so many, right? That's your point?
Hell, Why are you saying this instead of him? Say it to my face.
I'm in love with a woman who doesn't love me back. She did love me but after a couple of months she just turned off emotionally. We still sleep together both literally and sexually, but it's not the same. To Anons that just want some sex, understand that sex outside of a caring relationship just doesn't compare with sex with someone that you genuinely care about. No comparison whatsoever. I'm 40 and thought I might never love again, and now ... God, this hurts. I'm crying right now, sitting in front of her house. She has become increasingly verbally abusive. She fucked her neighbor, told me, did it again, and told me again. She's trying to drive me away but I'm just too needy, too pathetic, too lonely to read the writing on the wall. I have accepted that there is nothing that I can do to make this work out. Nothing; yet I still cling to her desperately. I've cried more about this girl than over anyone else in my adult life. I have suicidal thoughts; and I have a plan. ( improvised pipe shotgun) Not going to do it most likely but I don't know for sure. Fuck these emotions! It doesn't help that I'm trying to stop drinking after over 20 years of heavy abuse.
Today is the day. From hating my family (and crying whenever I argue with them because I do care) I now simply cannot stand them. I have been stressed for the past hour even if I'm alone.
My older brother is a guy who somehow married, found a job and didn't become a criminal (he proudly tells me of the time some weed dealer ripped him off and he pulled out a knife). My younger brother is, generically, an asshole. He talks behind his friends' backs then goes out with them anyway. Pretty similar to my older brother except he's a little less trashy and violent, at least with hands, During arguments he once told me he wanted me dead and another that he wanted to stab me in the mouth ("I was just kidding"). They are very close to each other though. If we are playing table football, they will be the ones in a team. Last time we played it, they both told me I'm very good at pissing off people. I never got in a fight though, unlike them.
My mother died when I was 17 (22 and a half now). My father pays for my living. Financially I have nothing to complain about: went to international school ,lived abroad 5 years, uni benefits etc. On the human side, I could write a book about it. He is very clever (graduated at 43 cum laude) and has proved to be mentally strong (did 6 months in Afghanistan and had no mental illnesses afterwards). One big issue is that he is passive-aggressive.He is also very anxious. I really do not want to sound ungrateful but I cannot stand him either anymore.
Brief example: ask my younger brother where my change is (we split shopping bills. gave him 30 euros instead of 28 because bills). He used it to buy napkins which cost 2.40. Ask him to split it up. Says 1 euro is laughable, then says he has all in his credit card. Tell him he is too western. What is the reason I tell him this? Outside Western Europe (Eastern Europe specifically) it is not easy to use credit cards. Not many ATMs outside of cities, not many places accept them. It was not a deliberate insult. It was more of a statement.
He storms outside telling me "Fuck off, I don't want to discuss" with my father and his Ukrainian wife watching (she is a good woman. very patient and caring.). My father says nothing. He tries to justify him saying "he went straight to the car". I then proceed to tell him how my brother has got some of his "shit personality" (rough translation of my words. profanities were there in the 1st place). Not being a hypocrit I also told him how I told my brother the same thing. He leaves telling ME to relax with his wife following along.
I would have never wanted to say this but I will study hard to graduate so I can become financially independent and not deal with my family. I'm sick and tired of feeling bad because of them. Since I'm in primary school I've been having trouble with them, but it could have been teenager issues. I'm 22 and still feel the same way so I realize this is permanent.
Lastly,I wrote here because I have no other choice. My close friends in town are not the same friends I share secrets with, even though they're some of the people I trust the most. My best buddies live both in other continents so I cannot always write to them saying I'm stressed because of my family. I have always been single so no feminine partner (not that I'd want to. I've been despising many women since I travel. They get all flirty when I come back from travels, once I'm here for a while I'd only make their news by resting in peace.)
PS ( I almost forgot this one): that time when my father, while I was hitch-hiking through Hungary, told my younger brother who was about to become 18 that "you (plural) are going to make me die from anxiety". 2 hours ago I had this small discussion and this shit is ruining my day.
Currently struggling to feed myself and my parents are super pissed at me. I quit my job like they asked to go back to college under the assumption food/rent would be taken care of once my savings dried up. Now I feel like I burden to everyone as I have to borrow money from my friends and my parents have 3 other kids to take care of plus bills. Thoughts of ending it or walking away have been on my mind nonstop for the past week especially since I have at least 2 more years of college left while my friends and gf are graduating and possibly moving this year.
You are basically the one I have been looking for, but you are in love with my best friend. I'm hoping that your trip to japan makes you desire someone else so when you come back, I can be there to save you.... Wendy, he doesn't deserve you.
>art is shit >can't do 7th grade level math >ugly, fat >terrible personality >have an amalgamation of mental illnesses and physical problems The only enjoyable thing about my existence is video games, anime, and other media that makes me feel emotions other than emptiness and hatred.
I used to spend a lot time on /tv/ before and now the addiction is a hhundred times worse for some reason. I would know what to do if my life goals were crystal clear but as of now I have no idea how to proceed.
I could spend my time drawing but I don't know if that would be of much use in the end, watching movies all day would probably be more productive and beneficial at the moment because it improves my English skills and it's (hopefully) somewhat related to your field. I can get my head around this IT/programming or whatever later, it probably won't make a huge difference anyway.
That's it I guess, I'm just not sure how to make good use of my time.
Well, I have to wait a month to hear from her. Probably would have been a good idea for me to ask what we are before she left. I'm turning down girls anyways because I like what her and I have right now.
In other news, so happy to have this harmonica! Can't wait to learn me some tunes for when I hit the road
This nihilist perspective on life is both depressing yet motivating.
Life is short and I want to be a hobo like my grandfather.
I fucking hate how my mom REEEEEing at me and at my dad when we just don't give a flying fuck about chores. What the fuck is with women anyway, why don't I understand how their brain works,when I'm actually am a grill myself?
But you're talking to these pieces of a man whose trying to make it Through the puzzles, travels, struggles, battles The body pillow pimp trying to snuggle with my shadow We could stay proper keep the clothes on, no pressure Just hold me and pretend like you've known me forever
So remember when I asked you out? Probably not, you're a fucking mess. You turned me down and I was alright with that cuz you're still cool. Remember when my mom was in rehab? Remember when you were the only one who was willing to listen and help me through this shit? I do, it was at that moment when I fell in love with you. You denied that you had feelings for me even though we both knew that wasn't true. Despite all that I said I would give you space and not bother you. Remember that night when I gave you a ride home and you kissed me in the rain? You really fucked me up, and now you won't even look at me. I don't know what's going on with us but I will say, not knowing is driving me absolutely insane. Can you not just be straight forward with me? Remember when I blew off that sexy little blonde to just sit and talk with you for only a few moments longer? I hate you for what you're making me into but it's been so long since I've actually felt this way about someone. Honestly I know I could do better, easily in fact but there's something about you that makes me feel things again. I'd rather feel these shitty fucking feelings than nothing at all, so thank you for that.
You're a mess and its rubbing off on me, but I'm still glad I met you Danielle.
I feel like the most stupid person in my department. I know you were always smarter, but it is so unkind that you simply refuse to speak to me anymore. I'd prefer you to insult me rather than simply pretend i don't exist. I might be a conservative asshole but i do have feelings, and you all are making me feel so damn alone. I just wish you realised i am human too.
I want to reconcile with a friend but I'm not sure how to? I wish we were friends again,, I really wish. But it just seems so difficult to talk to her again. Eventhough I've been told she does want to talk, I just don't see how to do it.
>be bi (don't shoot me) >hanging with bestfriend at other friend's house >It's quite chilly, mention "wow, I'm really cold". >He says "Do you wanna hug? I heard that's a good way to warm up >He embraces me tightly, I return such. >We hug closely for like 15 seconds >Other friend walks out of house and we awkwardly detach from one another
I come in to these threads and read about all the shit people are thinking and going through and think "damn".
I've found after taking the drugs, social media, and smartphone out of my life I've been a lot happier, even despite the serious bullshit I was putting up with for a while. Can't wait to get a vehicle in the next week or so and job and all that.
I suffer from an internal conflict of knowing my daily sugary drink and cigarette habit will kill me faster, but I love smoking and drinking surgary drinks. That's about it. Bums be out a bit. Some people in this thread are going through some rough shit though.
A lot of my friends say I'm a great wise interesting guy, good fashion sense, when I talk to girls they always seem interested in me and my friends say that they're totally into me etc etc
But tons of people I know seem to get girlfriends or get laid and I don't, it's been 4 years now. I don't know what to do and I'm sick of waiting for "that right moment" cause it never seems to appear, and if I go out of my way to try and get laid or get gf it'll seem desperate. I'm just a regular dude who wants to work on his career and I have a number of hobbies.
What could I possibly be doing wrong? No one ever seems to tell me.
>>16423353 I'm in the process of being pushed away by someone I care about a lot, and trust me when I say that if they give half a shit about you, which they probably do, they'd love to hear from you. Message them, man.
>Want to learn about Paganism/Wicca >Do some research online and such >Literally nowhere to find out about it in my local area
And no I don't mean I want to become the ultimate lord of edge, I'm serious. It's the only faith that really fits how I view the world. It's the first one since I left school that makes me feel comfortable, at least from what I've read.
Not so much an 'off my chest' thing, but I didn't feel like it was worth it's own thread.
On new years eve, if I don't feel like I've made some progress in my social life, I'm going to kill myself. That doesn't mean that I need a qt-gf by then, but I need to feel like I've made progress by then.
I'm taking some weekend courses, and trying to go out somewhere for dinner/coffee/drinks as often as I can , but I'm still struggling with the social anxiety. I do these things knowing they're going to fail, and then feel worse because I've wasted my time, money, and have still made zero progress.
So, basically I have 2 months to at least start fixing myself. Taking suggestions.
know one girl who I would feel comfortable texting 'happy new year' to at midnight at a minimum. I don't need to be dating her, I don't even have to be with her, but it can't just be some rando that I'm just texting to fulfill that requirement because that entirely defeats the purpose of that criteria. That's a start, and I'd know I was making progress.
>>16425804 I'm 30 something and the social anxiety is still there. I don't think we as humans were designed to be how we are today, therefore alot of us don't adjust very well. Find others with the same problem, and start there. It's much less anxious when you know the other person is feeling the same way you are. More people feel like you than you think.
>I'm 19 >Successful job >In love with significant other >Great living situation >Good relationship with my family >After 6 months of hard work, finally bilingual >Has spent the last few months trying not to kill herself
Can't seem to pass my classes or stop hating the shit out of myself. I have an overwhelming amount of privilege, and I'm a perfectionist with extremely high expectations of myself, these things makes me guiltier and hate myself more. I have elaborately deceived everyone into thinking I'm doing well in school/life. Even though I am loved/looked up to by others, I am guilt ridden because I don't think I deserve any of it. I get anxious and nauseous every time I go to class/go near my University campus, and so it's easier to skip class. I'm so fucking done with dealing with myself. I'm so fucking afraid someone will find out I'm not as awesome as I seem.
>>16425804 Anon, it sounds like you're being very proactive with your social anxiety and it isn't something you should brush off. That kind of self-awareness takes time and it sounds like you've done lots of hard work to get there. You are on the right track - with each moment you engage in situations that provoke the social anxiety, you are desensitizing yourself to the concept of it. Progress can be slow and it's easy to fixate on what you haven't done rather than looking at the steps you have taken. I think you have already started to fix yourself, but you need to be more forgiving to yourself for the rate of your progress. Good luck man, stay strong.
>>16425942 Maybe take some time and do things differently? Spend a summer doing physical work living in the woods or go to an impoverished country and help somehow. Use your privilegeday status wisely and don't get into what others think because ultimately it doesn't mean shit.
Today, I went to a job interview at 11 AM for a landscaping position. I got to the man's address (which was his house and not an office building) and the guy lived in a fucking mansion.
Mansion might be an exaggeration. It was big, though, maybe three stories and 70 yards in length. Recently-built, nice lawn, upper-class neighborhood, many-acred property, one house in the neighborhood was just a garage where he kept his equipment, security system, etc. His "office" was just a huge room easily the size of the first story of my house. I never knew a landscaping company owner could do so well.
The part that gets my goat, though?
This guy, who I thought must have been 27-35 and looked young, was only 18 years old. We talked, and he told me about how he started landscaping at 14. No inheritance of money or passing-down of a company, it was all his blood and sweat.
Meanwhile, I'm a 24 year old college dropout, who lives with his dad for no rent, been unemployed for 4 1/2 months, prematurely bald, no real skills besides average art ability, and can't decide whether what I want in life. Fuck me, I was even late to the interview because of construction traffic and my GPS sent me to the wrong house, but I know I should have left earlier, even though I tried and I somehow ended up leaving later anyway.
It doesn't help that I have a 26 y/o sister who became an overachiever at 12, had a perfect high school and college experience, and now works for Google.
Then, my brother, who is 14, is an A-B student who does five different school sports and just recently came 4th place in a state-wide summer sports event.
I keep reading about people, especially famous people, who did amazing things in their teens and twenties; fought in wars, acted in movies, made or beat world records, got the gold medal, became CEOs, traveled the world, etc.
All I can ever think, is; Why can't that be me?
If I knew what to do, I'd do it. But I don't know.
>>16426108 First thing you need to do is stop comparing yourself. I do realize this is far easier said than done, but it is the only way to move forward. However, there is a bit of a caveat when I say that. You don't want to compare yourself to those who have excelled to the point of allowing you to languish in a defeatist, dead-end attitude. What you want is to use it as motivation. You're so young still, your life has a lot left in it. Some people peak early, but others don't find themselves for many many years. There are plenty of famous people who didn't become who they were until they were in their 30's or 40's. You don't need to be then, you need to be happy with yourself. You're not going to become a millionaire working in a homeless shelter, but I promise you those who are so inclined are much more satisfied with their lives than they would be as a CEO.
My life is in shambles. I am a college student with 50 thousand in student loans paying my way through it simply by trading stocks and jobs. My employer just fired me due to a mistake by the bank (bank deposited check twice) and currently have the fbi up my ass thinking I print checks. My accounts are frozen and I can't pay any bills or rent and my landlord is trying to kick me out. My father refuses to help me whatsoever and my mother physically and financially cannot help me out either. I have a number of medical problems that are hard to live with constant severe pain. I have to take pills every 6 hours or have unbearable pain. I'm over life as a whole. I don't see the point in going on miserable day in and day out, the only thing keeping me going is my fraternity brothers who keep me in check and my girlfriend who helps me out but I think is getting tired of it. So really what I'm asking is.. Cyanide or an overdose of my current medication.
>>16426139 I know how you feel. I swear you wrote this about this bitch that I have to work with.
It's funny, I don't think she knows that sometimes it really gets to me, I don't exactly make it apparent how insecure I am or how bad my confidence level is. But other times it's like she's RIGHT on the cusp of realizing that she's being a cunt. I don't think she always means to be, she's just a hardcore narcissist with no concept of empathy. She's the kind of person who will get mad at people for only bending MOST of the way backward.
>>16423849 I ain't who you're looking for, because our situations are different, but that's some shit and I'm sorry you're dealing with that, bub.
Yeah, there's some bias on my part, but I sought out both sides of the story and I can respect there were fuck-ups. The fact that there were fuck-ups on both sides while one half is claiming all the pity and placing all the blame is where I'm aggravated.
If your someone hasn't bothered to hear your side, anon, you may as well not count on them from now on.
>>16426214 Well, I don't know your circumstances, whether its drugs, relationships, money, education, whatever, and what exactly you did, but you know you fucked up and as much as it sucks to be back where you were a year ago, you can do it. I did it. It sucked ass but I did it. Hard but worth it.
Slow down jack assumption. Dont be like Effiel 65 that world isn't blue for everyone. Not everyone is depressive. Some just need outer space sometimes how do you think genuises came up with their apple products or whatever is relatable nowadays. Through stone cold stunning solitude and focus. Plus whoever is badgering the monk is only disturbing the channeling of peace on earth 2016.
Sometimes at parties, after everyone gets drunk, a grab as much food as I can get away with and walk off with it.
Also I have a crush on this Pole, and every time she gives me stares, I look down, and vise versa. We're both of good build, but she's much brighter and kinder than me, with my only redeeming trait is functional strength and properly placed fat.
I don't know what to do, man, I really don't. My life is full of regrets yet I'm so young. Every time I look back, I just develop more self-hatred, more rage. Every time I look in a mirror, I want to explode, like I want it all gone.
The girl I like probably thinks I'm a loser.
Every year is a shit storm.
My parents are fighting nearly everyday, and the only fucking thing that's keeping together is the fact they're Christian.
I don't want to feel this way anymore man. Fuck I tell myself to keep going through, but I not sure how much I'm going to keep going through.
I'm lazy, I'm repugnant, I can't connect anymore, I feel like my IQ dropped by a 50 points, I feel like my EQ dropped even further, and I'm in a rut.
I don't want to feel this way anymore man, I really do.
The only reason I haven't offed myself is because of my family. I'm a weight on them, but dying off is even worse.
>>16426219 I've had addiction issues since a teen. 27 now. I moved away for a while. Stayed sober for months, but when I relapsed there I moved home. At home I have stopped using drugs, but I replaced it with alcohol. I drank heavily for 6 months. Finally quit drinking this week. I'm back where I started. I lost my job due to drinking and I'm back at my mom's. Same place I was at 10 years ago, unemployed, broke, and at my mom's.. My mom wants me out of the house this week. She offered to send me away to sober living anywhere I want in the US. I've finally made decent friends that don't use drugs. They are alcoholic though, and I just can't drink successfully. I don't want to leave my friends though, but at the same time I want a better life. This is the first time I've had real friends in a long time. I don't know what to do. When I'm sober, I'm awkward and quiet and can't make friends. When I'm drinking I don't hold back. People like me finally. I don't want to move away and start over. Life seems to suck.
I can't focus on studying cause I'm feeling all fucking dejected and lonely. I wish I could just talk to my friend but it's not that simple. I know I need to just man up but I can't and now I'm probably gonna fail this midterm cause I can't get a handle on my emotions. Christ...
Man you gotta stop, drop those rolls. COME ON, COME ON! you brought earplugs right? COME ON COME ON + magical statistical numbers and self diagnosis' COME ON humble bragging because COME ON alright get out of my sight and improve your life
I will never be a normal person again. I had been feeling better and I had been becoming a normal person more and more every day until today. Today I was getting left out and disregarded during something fun and exciting at work, and out of nowhere I just buckled. I had been overcome with the such an overwhelming wave of depression I can't compare it to any other experiences. After shamefully walking back to my desk I couldn't even focus, I just felt stunned and panicked. I had to leave early because I was on the verge of crying despite my best efforts to hold back.
I stopped off at Subway because I was in way too shitty of a mood to deal with cooking, and who else but a slightly younger university couple on one of their first few dates would appear behind me in the long line. They were genuinely enjoying each others company and they were being their genuine selves. At this point my depression had been converting in to anger and my chest felt like a jawbreaker. I'm surprised I got out of there without getting much attention.
When I parked my car in my narrow driveway it occurred to me that nobody has ever cared to talk to me like they were talking to eachother. Then from nothing I had begun crying like I haven't cried in a long long time. I didn't care if anyone saw or heard me. I wanted people to see or hear me. I was a mess tumbling to my front door hardly supporting myself. I got inside and continued to cry the best I could.
I will never be a normal person again. These unresolvable feelings will always be tucked in an area of my brain I can't touch, and can come at any time. No matter what happens, I will never be the same normal person I used to be. This is my high point.
Thank you anons.. It just sucks to have to move somewhere and make all new friends. I want to stay and keep my friends but I know I'll still drink. But even if I move 2200 miles away there will still be alcohol there and I can't imagine staying sober forever. Very scary feeling.
>tfw oneitis suggested that we should go out somewhere once we're on break
I'm probably over thinking it, we're just friends hanging out right? Is there any chance he's into me or if it's a date? What should I wear? Should I wait for him to officially plan it and text me or should I be doing it? I initiated the last time we went out though. Oh fuck.
Most in shady practices like MLMs are sociopaths to others outside their circle. Gay Jays are gay people in denial but pretend to be masculine to keep up with appearances. Then there's career men who lie for the progress of their organization or cause. Then there's sociopaths who have extreme trauma from childhood that constantly learned that lying was the only way to be accepted. The there's compulsive liars and cleptomaniacs but are also sociopathic in nature. Then there are cult leaders and higher ups in organization that lie about their credentials and loves to portray an image to the media for marketing purposes.
TL;DR Anyone can be a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, histrionic and all kinds of diagnosis. Most people are products of their environments and culture. Psychiatry has taken advantage of these diagnoses to create an industry to sell you a band aid fix. When all you needed was a good old fashion intervention, physical diet, theraphy, a confession booth and a good support group to recover from bad traits and behaviors. Parents should know this better.
I can't see myself being worth anyone's time. There are far too many people in the world that would make a better partner than myself. I have fears of not pleasing a partner overall. I'm afraid of sex. I don't see myself going through with it. I'm afraid of the thought of falling in love with a guy, and telling them that I am afraid of sex. If I ever ended up with someone, I don't think I can be angry at them for having sex with other women. I would want them to be happy. I love to be there for people, and do whatever I can to help, but I avoid relationships. I force myself to stop thinking about love and romantic fantasies. If thoughts had a consciousness, I would not want to forcefully pair them together with me. There is always someone better out there. Someone that can provide more happiness. I really hate myself, but at the same time, I want to think differently, and actually be able to feel something.
I hate when people "type,,,lkie thsi,,," when they're supposedly having a panic attack or are crying. If things are really that bad why the fuck won't you just calm down instead of pounding illegible shit online?
>>16426499 You might have to be honest about your fear of sex. To try and understand why you fear sexual intimacy and why your physical body responds in anxiety towards the thought of sexual intimacy with another person. Have to ask where does it stem from? From experience honesty and instropection helps a lot for any problem. You may want to talk to someone or a therapist that you can trust about this.
>>16426525 If I ever get into a relationship, I would definitely tell him about it, but I fear more of his response to it. I wouldn't want anyone to be in a relationship with me without letting them know what they're getting themselves into. I fear sex because I feel like my body is repulsive. I lost 40 lbs so far, and I'm continuing my weight loss, but the feeling won't go away. At the same time, I also find it strange and off-putting. It might be a combination of fear and disinterest, but I'm not sure. I don't want to label myself, but for the longest time, I felt like there was something off about me. Depression, or dehumanization disorder, or both. You're right, I do need a therapist pr a psychologist. I've been pushing aside myself for other people; hiding my feelings away, but now it's progressively eating away at me.
I'm really sad and just wanna get drunk or something. I wanna do something dumb and I want my mind off of her. I don't know what I want but I know that I can't take much more of this. I need something.
Usually I don't care about my sexuality but I think I'm bisexual. I really love my friend and I love my boyfriend I have now. I feel like a fucking teenager getting giddy about this shit or caring about it. I'm just so sexually attracted to both of them. I want to tell my friend how I feel about her but of course it would be awkward. We joke about sexual stuff a lot with each other and we "flirt" but she has a boyfriend too so I think she's just straight or doesn't want anything more with me because she's in a relationship. Fuck, I love her, and not in a friend way. More than that. I want to kiss her and take her out on dates and hold her hand and cuddle with her. And she's making me more sexually attracted to girls, I love women's bodies and they're sexier than mens but I can't imagine myself having sex with a girl. I would never lick a pussy and would never give or recieve penitration, maybe rub their pussy at the most but I just love fucking boobs and want to do everything to a girl's boobs. I don't know what I am anymore... bicurious maybe. But I JUST don't see me doing anything with a girl's vagina. So maybe I'm boobsexual.
How my every single carress and whisper in your ear makes you unsure of what you've gotten into. How I'll assure you every step of the way I love you. I'll be holding your hand, hearing what you have to say, gripping you throughout the night. I'll be the one that makes your day. Days, months and years may pass but with you is where time is eternal. Slow, steady and caring. With you is where I belong. Good night.
I fear that I'm falling for someone who will never be able to maintain a relationship. I'm already kinda hurt by their lack of trust, the way they act sometimes, etc. I wanna give it a shot but my fear of the unknown and confusion about everything have me overthinking it all. And I know I'm gonna be told that it won't end well and it might not but some weird part of my heart always fucking screams at me "hey, it's worth it!" so I keep on trying. I'm afraid I'll make a fool of myself. I don't know if they're willing to work hard and work with me so that we work out. Oh well. Wish me luck, adv.
I tried to go on a date with someone sometime ago. Needless to say, in spite of me being blunt and to the point, I got completely shut down. Thankfully, I saved myself from looking like a total loser, and instead just look like a semi-loser. The good news is that she didn't lead me on for too long, and she had the courtesy to be upfront. The bad news is that now I realize she's taken. Furthermore, she had a kid with this guy.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go sob on a porch. Not cynical, but just very very sad.
Relationships aren't always luck and faith. They're also about building trust, shared growth, rapport, intimacy, emotional support, and eventually family. Self independent individuals that share within in the community. Couples share goals, dreams and ambitions together. If you show faith and trust in your interest make sure they know it and encourage them. Love is mutual, sacrificing, wise and brave during times of hardship. Faithful, kind, compassionate, supportive and caring in times of growth. A little of both goes a long way.
>>16426715 I know, and I'm down to do all of that. As autistic as it sounds that's really all I want, a loving and trusting relationship. But then they get scared cause of their various issues and it becomes near impossible for me to do that stuff, like when they don't trust me. But thanks, that's a beautiful sentiment and it gives me some hope and guidance for my possible future with them.
You seek me, you will not find me Go if you must go, don't blame me My intention was to let you know That no bones shall shatter anymore This was the ride you chose, I care Trying to kill the ghost, I'm dead I'm grave searching to replenish my soul, who's there?
I'm scared, could it the be the one that got away? Just my imagination, I can't be rattled My bones will not shatter looking for clues No tombs, only stone rocks etched to their name
I was only hoping I would find one rock With the words...I love you
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