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>Is it normal for me to go to a club/bar by myself?
Yes. Stop overthinking this.
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
Some do, some don't.
>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Get over it by practicing and exposing yourself to it.
>I like someone. What do I do?
Ask them out.
>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.
>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
>XYZ happened. Did I fuck it up with this guy/girl?
Maybe, maybe not. We're not in their head, we don't know
>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing
>Would you date a virgin?
As long as they aren't insecure about it
>Someone has made it abundantly clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>
>That one guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships
No one wants to cuddle you. Stop asking
>Brandon or Female Brandon
Also piss off.
Question for Euro anons
So I've been talking with a Italian girl I met on Interpals a few weeks ago on Whatsapp. Granted, we haven't met yet in person, but from what i can tell we clicked so far. We have good fun conversations. Anyways, I almost feel bad for asking this, but is it true in Europe that sex isn't as big of a deal as it is in the US? Because I kinda want to have sex with her. I'll be in Italy next month and I think that would be fun. I'll only be where she is for a few days so I dunno, but it would be awesome. Now I'm not just trying to bang her, i am looking forward to just hanging out with her. So if I don't get laid it won't be a big deal to me, however I would really like that. What do /adv/?
I decided to give up on women forever. I'm only 20 year old but women have hurt me enough for 3 life times. I have been in 6 relationships/flings or just falling in love with a girl who did not reciprocate, and all of them left me being a trainwreck. I just don't want to take shit from you women anymore. I have such a bad reputation in relationships that most women that know me see me as a poor soul.
So I decided to say fuck off. Now I want to focus myself in other things, like saving the world, or shit like that. I might pay for sex sometimes, but I'm afraid I might fall in love with the hookers. What do you think? I sincerely want to die single now.
Sounds like you're the X factor in that situation, not women. You just said women see you as a lost cause. That means you are not a sufficient male. That's your fault, not theirs.
Do whatever you want. Pursue goals, success, etc. Having women around or not should not matter. But don't blame a gender on your shortcomings, when it's very clear you played a large role in fucking up relationships.
If you had a female friend who you kinda like and while just talking about stuff she says how she likes when people are spontaneous, if I were to spontaneously kiss her, she couldn't react bad to it right? At Worse Case she would just say "don't do that again" or some shit right? She was talking about the spontaneous shit just the other day, I should have just done it then. But I'm thinking about just grabbing her and kissing her the next time we hang out. I just hope I'm not stepping over the line.
This is what she said over text-
"Spontaneity is one of the things I like the most. I like people who can do things, talk or express their feelings in a natural way, without any planning or without beingforced."
Is this a opening?
Well, how would you feel if you said this to a guy who turned out to be gay and he grabbed you and kissed you? Do you think it'd be okay for a guy to be bothered by that happening to him?
If you want to find out if she's into you, do little shit and see how she responds. Like maybe find a an excuse for a quick shoulder grab, saying something facetiously or whatever. One that actually works well is whispering something that absolutely doesn't need to be whispered. Like if you're at a party and the music is sort of loud just find an excuse to lean in say some shit when you're already in conversation. The key is just to make sure it's in the middle of the conversation. Not just lean in and go, "I'm going out for a cig." See how she responds to that kind of stuff.
I don't agree with his conclusion, but human relations are far too complex to try to boil it down to one variable. This is a decent example of conflating correlation and causation actually.
People get bitter after a negative experience (or a string or them), and usually time is the best salve. It's quite obvious he's just venting during that process.
>if I were to spontaneously kiss her, she couldn't react bad to it right?
Life isnt a romantic comedy. The stuff they pull would probably get the cops called on someone half the time. Ask her out, but don't do anything stupid like that.
Any gender really.
Is it worth it being friends to an opposite gendered person or no? I ask this because there seems to be a stigma in which if a male doesn't get a girlfriend but a girl friend, for example, he's a cluckold. Same might go for the other side.
If it was worth it you wouldn't be asking yourself your question.
When an opposite sex person is MEANT to be your friend, you won't even realise that person is from the opposite sex. Really.
If you don't feel like this, then your friendship is deemed to failure, or at least it'll never be as good as a "same-gender" friendship. Too much drama and shit that is really unnecessary will come from it.
I know because I've been there and it sucks.
F yeah there are. You can ask them the questions you might normally ask here.
Being friends with chicks helps you be more comfortable talking to girls, removes mystery.
Chicks know chicks.
Theyre generally pretty caring towards their friends, in comparison to dudes. I have yet to have an offer to bring me soup from a dude friend, but chicks arent against showing they care.
>Is it worth it being friends to an opposite gendered person or no?
If they're an interesting person, sure. I think people stress out too much over this stuff. I have a handful of women I'm friends with, we have shared interests, etc etc.
>Chicks know chicks.
You lose me on this one. Always seemed like an incredibly awkward and bad idea to ask them to hook me up with their friends if that was what you were getting at.
Yeah no, dont ask them to hook you up, invite them and their friends to parties. Get invited to parties. If it happens or they see the perfect coincidence, theyll mentally ship you and try to set you up, but you dont ask cuz that is awk.
>Get invited to parties
I'm still trying to figure that one out, without basically inviting myself. I have a couple of friends in college right now, only one of which is really into that scene.
like it? Fuck no. They shouldn't know what the fuck is going on. It's supposed to be a way for you to see how she already feels about you. If it's changing anything in your relationship you're doing it wrong. It's just a little thing. It's not equivalent to saying can I fuck you later tonight. If she responds negatively you know she isn't into you at all. If neutral or somehow positive (by soon thereafter likewise getting closer momentarily or for an extended period of time) continue toward your goal accordingly.
Guys or girls both:
GF always has a negative initial response when it comes to sex or intimacy. I can usually get her going if I work at it, I'm actually very good at pleasing her. But the problem is that I have severe abandonment issues due to my dad not being in my life, and her denying me tends to make me feel hurt, angry and even depressed.
How do I work past this?
>I ask this because there seems to be a stigma in which if a male doesn't get a girlfriend but a girl friend, for example, he's a cluckold. Same might go for the other side.
You need to learn to recognize what's specific to 4chan, and what's actually true in the real world. That kekhold shit is pure 4chan.
My best friend is a girl. I do not, and have never, ever, wanted to date her. I have a girlfriend for that.
Except in rare moments, I doesn't even really process that she's male/female whatever to me, she's just my friend.
I've had a lot of female friends over the years, and I feel like I understand more because I've come to understand more people.
a friend and I were in flirtation for a year or so but didn't do anything but talk about it, we lived far apart at the time and we're both fairly shy. I'm in a relationship with another man now, I have been for three years, and I love him like I've never loved anyone before. I've talked to my friend about it and told him I don't share his feelings anymore but he seems to be in denial. He stalks me in every way he can and is a lot more persistent about talking and meeting up than he ever was. His stalking is the real deal, I could go to the police with it if I wanted to but I don't, I want to help him sort this out any way I can because I still think of him as a close friend. My SO is talking about marriage and even having kids, but I feel like I can't agree to any of those while I have this unsolved problem with my old friend. What can I do?
For ladies, or guys who have been in this position.
I like her, and am trying to get closer.
Thing is, I'm not sure how interested she is in me romantically speaking, we get along great generally.
I'd be fine with being rejected and just being friends, but I can't not try at all.
However, subtlety is not my greatest skill, and I don't wanna blow it and ruin the (potential) friendship as well.
What can I do without being too forward?
Because Northern and Southern Italy are like two completely different countries. Northern Italy is close to central European culture while Southern Italy is clearly Mediterranean.
As for what comes to your original question can't really give a definitive answer to it desu senpai. Even if Europe has a different view on sexuality it doesn't mean that she is like the majority. Just hang out with her and see where it leads.
Girls, what's a best way to contact you after we had a small fight?
I was texting my gf yesterday and said something really stupid and apologised and left her alone for the day. Today I texted her a bit and she's generally unresponsive. Is it a good idea to call later, in the afternoon or evening (it's around noon where I am right now).
Depends on the person. It's like expecting an asian to be extremely good at math, just because there's a stereotype about it. Some will, some won't. Some europeans like sex way more than the US, some are way more reserved about it.
As for talking about it, I guess? We're way more open, if 4chan is any kind of judge (I know, I know). But she's in Italy, so it depends on her location, if it's old/south Italy, she gets into trouble.
To be fair, northern Italy is still kinda repressed, comparing to the other countries nearby.
Well teen pregnancy rates are a lot higher in the US IIRC, so. I'd say that the US is kind of more, how to put it, obsessive over sex? Like it's thought about a lot but the approach is more puritanical, you have to censor tv and blur out the songs, but at the same time it's valued or revered a lot in some circles, you have the hook up culture (myth or not), all that. So I'd say that maybe it's not that "it's not a big deal", but the approach is more natural, and it's not this thing that school tells you will ruin your life but the media tells you you have to have in order to be anything. Mainly I think it's just a stereotype about the Europeans being so much "wilder" than the people in the US.
Whatever you do, DO NOT bring it up to her with a "but you're European, you guys have sex all the time, right" attitude
It depends on the person. Sex is sex, it's not just cultural, of course it's always up to the individual person
One huge reason why teen pregnancies aren't as common in Europe as in US that when you can actually teach kids what sex is and how to do it safely without having angry extremely conservative, abstinence is the only way, parents all over you claiming you're ruining their kids the kids are much more likely do it safely when they try shit out. Kids are curious, and nothing works better in making them want to try something than telling them not to do it. And no matter how much you'd want your sweet little girl to not have sex at all it's not really the parent's decision. If they have no idea how to do it safely but still try it out it's most likely not going to happen safely. As a result you get a lot of teen pregnancies.
"hey, you want to go out sometime?"
Keep is casual, just don't instantly go with I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE PERFECT LETS GO OUT.
First one, rejection can be shrugged off by both people and moved past. Second one is way too strong and will make things uncomfortable.
It was a small fight about me not listening. Also she's preparing for an exam so she was stressed the last few time I saw her. Since that I just shot a few random messages and got replies that are a bit cold.
Usually I call her something related to whatever she told me she's up to a while back. Like she told me one time she was going for a run and I called her athlete for a while.
And I guess plural takes the direct edge off it a bit, like it isn't as confronting or something. It doesn't sound too good, now that I think about it. Bad idea.
Sounds like it's something you already do? Did she have a problem before?
Might be fine still then if you keep it "my favorite athlete or whatever the current thing is"
Our little athlete sounds like she's your kid and "our" is you and mom haha.
You're dating now though, yeah? With that, not too bad to upgrade from "hey athlete" to "my favorite athlete."
Though with never minded it much... Do you mean she put up with it, or liked it? If she just was going along with it, stepping it up my be a bit much.
It's been a while. We have a next outing planned, but that's quite a bit off too.
And she never responded to it, any time I said something like that. Now that you mention it, she might just be putting up with it.
I wonder if she actually has herpes or if she just rejected you and you're bitter, because posting a pic with "__ has herpes" type caption is such a juvenile bullying thing, just scratched here instead of the toilet wall
Some people don't like pet names or nicknames or similar. A lot of those people also realize it's not meant to be bad and not worth fighting over, so they say nothing because it'd just be needless conflict over something that isn't a big deal.
Good chance if she actually liked it, she'd respond or joke back the same way with you.
By adulthood most people have herpes. Especially on the mouth. It's just cold sores. Make sure she doesn't suck your dick when she has or is expecting an outbreak (also be sure she's using anti virals) and you'll be fine. Getting hsv1 actually helps to not get hsv2.
Got a quick question. Moving across country for a job. Can anyone help me walk through the pros and cons of asking my gf to come with me? Been dating 7 months. I'm 25 She's 27. I know what I believe to be each side but always appreciate other perspectives
>Moving across country for a job
>asking my gf to come with me?
>Been dating 7 months.
I say absolutely a terrible idea. But maybe add more about your relationship and if you've talked about it with her for a more detailed response.
I'd say we overall have a very mature relationship. When problems come we face them, talk about it and solve it. I love that side of her. We have a healthy sex life. I see her and stay over her place probably 2 to 3 nights during the week then on weekends too.
Out of all the relationships I've had I'd say this one has by far been the best in the "mental" category.
So good relationship, but have you told her you're moving for your job yet?
Though I hesitate to say good relationship when it hasn't even been a year yet. Still the honeymoon phase and getting to know each other better. Seems a big jump to move to another country and live together that early.
Not another country but from ny to ca. Haven't told her because I just recently worked out the logistics and came to terms with going. I'm telling her before most people.
Could absolutely be honeymoon phase and me being blinded by it. I'll put it this way though, I could see us wanting to move in together in a few months if I stayed here in new york.
How do I find a girl that isnt a bitch? I want a pure girl like the ones I see in anime.
How much of a red flag is it for a guy to be single for 3-4+ years if he is, for all intents and purposes, a decent catch?
Had some troubling relationships in the past, decided I wanted to be single. Hooked up with a decent amount of girls, but I got bored of it, and miss the intimacy. I understand that this is subjective, I'm just looking for a little insight into what other girls might be thinking when they are made aware of these things.
Don't go to places like bars for hookups, go to places like volunteer centers, college classes or church groups. Obviously bitches exist in these places too, but I'm willing to bet that you'll have better luck
This is asked all the time. The general answer is pretty much size is nice but isn't a determinant factor in relationships for the most part. But a big dick can make up for being a piece of shit much like a nice ass or tits can make up for being a bitch.
As long as you aren't kidding yourself, it's not a problem. Lots of people coast along without relationships for a while. But plenty are also undateable and pretend like it's a voluntary choice. It doesn't take long to tell the difference though.
Whoops, yeah you said across the country. Sorry.
I'd be hesitant.. To me, people should live together first, and it's too soon to say your relationship will last (at least, from the limited details we can get here). It makes it harder if moving in means changing your whole life that early in a relationship.
I'd say, sit down and just talk to her about the job and you needing to move. See what she says. She might say she wants to come, she might not. Don't think you should ask her directly or immediately if she wants to move, it's a lot to put on someone.
So bring up moving for job, see what she says about that, if nothing just sit and wait, let her think about it.
Is there any information you specifically want? I can offer more.
I agree with your point, I think a discussion is best because who knows if she even wants to go with me. I put the fact that we're together so often because it isn't a "weekend relationship." I'd say I sleep at her place 3-5 nights a week. We cook and do a lot together.
Not sure if there's any information more you can give that would help me give better advice. Getting pros and cons here probably won't help though, and I don't have any personally besides stuff I already said.
I meant the limited details we can get here online. Your relationship, from your perspective. We don't know either of you personally. 7 months is sometimes enough for people to know. Sometimes not. And that's what I meant by limited details, not you leaving them out. Why the best I can offer is talking to her, see if she brings up moving or staying.
Hope that helped though anyway.
Consider asking this as along the lines of asking her to marry you. She would uproot her life and spent a barrelful of cash in order to stay with you. Do you plan to be together for several years at least? What happens if you break up? How easy would it be for her to move back?
I could see myself with her long term. It wouldn't be awful for her, I'd imagine, as I'm paying completely for housing and food. Her going back would be relatively easy monetarily
Never, that crosses a huge line. By the time she can show/voice her lack of desire to kiss you it's already too late. Like the other person said, imagine a gay man or a woman you find repulsive just pressing her lips on yours because of an innocent, neutral remark you made. The damage is already done by the time you've jumped up and cussed them out. It's shitty.
Having said that, if you ever feel like a "moment" is coming (she's blushing, either makes lots of intense eye contact or has difficulty meeting your gaze, giggles, fidgeting, loaded lulls in the conversation), you can be pretty smooth and ask her if that spontaneity thing includes kissing. If you're not legitimately autistic you'll be able to tell from her face whether to go for it or not then.
>GF always has a negative initial response when it comes to sex or intimacy. I can usually get her going if I work at it
Some women rarely get aroused spontaneously, while they can still be turned on by someone else. Look up "responsive sex drive". Also talk about it, but my bet is that she's a woman like this, and if so recognizing that she is simply differently wired sexually and her response has to do with her and not with you could potentially help a lot.
Come to think of it, where do you girls draw the line between "cute" spontaneity and "creepy" spontaneity? Is taking her hand just as bad? What about other intimate actions?
It's not that it's creepy, it just leaves no room for the other party to object, you effectively force yourself on someone. The only situation in which this can work out is if it is already very well established that you are attracted to each other. Eg, if you have talked about liking the idea of having sex with the other person under the guise of flirting... she might still not like the kiss, but it's a wholly different deal because it doesn't come out of the blue and she did express sexual interest.
Grabbing someone's hand is way less bad because there's no harm done if she doesn't like it. It might feel a bit too much and it's an awkward moment with possibly an awkward aftermath, that's all. Having someone's mouth on you when you want nothing physically to do with them is gross. You swab bodily fluids. It's a completely different thing. People shake hands just to meet each other, again it can still be a bit awkward but it's not in the same realm.
It's hard to draw a definite line because where that lies depends on the amount of positive signals you've gotten. If everything's been strictly platonic, a kiss on the cheek out of nowhere is uncalled for and weird. If you've talked about personal things and exchanged lingering looks and she just said something affectionate, it's not weird at all.
Focus less on how much you like her and more on the vibes you feel from her. This is somethign most people have to learn, but it's not impossible at all, people accurately and often in a very refined way respond to people's implicit social cues all day long.
To put it simply creepy spontaneity is assuming it means sexual spontaneity if it wasn't brought up that way.
Being spontaneous can just mean random, or fun, or coming up with some weird thing to do. And it's much more likely that unless the topic was specifically dating/flirting spontaneity
As a general rule of thumb for you guys,
"creepy" = behaving more intimately than is appropriate for your current level of relationship
This is obviously subjective, but when a girl finds you "creepy" that's probably what she means. They also might say it about someone they dont even know personally. This means for whatever reason their impression of them is that they're untrustworthy or have displayed some kind of sociopathic behavior that she's aware of.
Hope that helps.
Depends on the individuals. My friend's parents got together when they were 17 and 24. Chances are that you and her are at different stages of life and it won't work out, but there's nothing to lose by trying.
I love it as long as there's enough mushy/non-sexual affection to not give off the impression that he's solely interested in that.
It's of course subjective but I think most women enjoy this stuff especially in the honeymoon phase.
Where can I find crazy qts who were abused heavily by their own parents as children?
And before anyone judges (like some mean girl on soc) I just want someone who understands, someone who relates and can tolerate my depression and possible PTSD. And I'd do the same for her.
I don't care how much of a sad love it is...
Don't really want a normal gf since being unstable is obviously a complete red flag for normal girls, and they could only try to understand if I have a (rare) bad day
Questions for everyone.
I'm bi guy who cross dresses at home, would you date someone who does this?
My room mate who is a guy and very good with women thinks It would intimidate both men and women.
Therapist dictates my treatment... >Online? 4chan?
Last time I got "involved" with anyone online she was 4,000 miles away, and a lying schizophrenic
I'm British, in a very rural area, if anyone posts same postcode it's another male. Besides, if a girl were to post I doubt her childhood would have been as bad as mine
>If someone doesn't like you for a none physical reason
...what? So not liking someone because they're a cunt is wrong, not liking them for not being aesthetically perfect is fine? You got some backwards logic there.
If you were walking down the street and passed by an unhinged crazy, you'd just ignore him and keep walking.
Try and bring that same mentality to the internet. These people don't need more attention.
>Therapist dictates my treatment
You should be able to say that you feel desire to talk to peers who went through similar experiences. It doesn't have to take the place of regular therapy but could be an additional thing. If there is zero possibility of hooking you up with an actual group they might at least know a website where people gather to swab stories/current backlash and issues from their childhood.
Is it possible to like someone, but be completely uninterested in what they have to tell?
This girl loves to tell me how she's doing. She loves how I react to it and how I'm interested in it. She takes my flirtiness with a smile. She loves going out with me. But she never asks how Anon's doing, or what's on Anon's mind.
No one ever asks how Anon's doing, or what's on Anon's mind.
Can't it just be that I'm a shitty storyteller and she likes me for my personality? If I bring up what's on my mind unprompted, she (or anyone else for that matter) zones out almost instantly.
>By adulthood most people have herpes.
What the fuck? It's more common with certain minority groups, but it's at a rate of 1 in 6. That's hardly the majority.
Question for girls...
I met this girl like a month ago... We've been going out several times, we hold hands and stuff, been kissing quite a lot, still, I believe she has her shields up because she's going away to do a masters in texas A&M in february. I've told her (casually) that I'm not fixed to this town and I could do a masters on the same uni (I've been wanting to do a masters for quite a long time, since I graduated actually, so I really have no problem at all, two birds with one shot right?).
When she holds me it's amazing, she holds me really hard, and when we kiss it's really cool too, I think I'm falling really hard for this girl, it's been quite a lot since I felt this way (I'm 25). Our talks through whatsapp are pretty brieff, but we've been talking every night for at least an hour on the phone, the chemistry is quite good, we have a pretty similar way of thinking. We've been talking on the phone because she had to go to do some bureaucratic stuff back in her town. She's comming back this weekend. I'm kind of scared that she's not looking for anything serious, and I'm also scared that I mess things up with her, I think she's my Ramona Flowers hahaha. She's said that she likes me, and has also asked me what the hell are we going to do... Since we just kind of met I told her that we should keep dating and we'll think of something in the near future.
I really like her, please give me good advice, I don't want to scare her off with my crazy "got in love in a month" attitude.
>kind of geeky, likes anime and books
>I'm a mechanical electrical engineer
>kind of geeky too, likes comics, books, and video games
Fucking hell I'm so lame, I'd like opinions or advice. Thanks in advance.
>"creepy" = behaving more intimately than is appropriate for your current level of relationship
A girl called me creepy when I was just going over some physics notes with people in a group. The term is heavily abused, there's no getting around that.
so why do people recommend going to bars to meet people?
it seems like the most awkward thing ever: you, alone at a bar counter with no friends, drinking by yourself and maybe watching a game.
how is this an ideal situation for meeting people?
It's not ideal. Bars are just a way to spend your free time in a way which provides more opportunity than sitting in your house while drinking and watching the game. I don't know about you, but strangers tend not to meander into my home at night. However shit the odds are, in public > alone.
What you do at the bar is up to you. You say you'll sit alone at a bar counter with no friends, drinking by yourself and maybe watching a game; what do the people who recommend bars do?
I have the exposure part down. The practice is what gets me. My job (exposure) has me working in the city near a college so naturally I get some pretty nice 7+'s regularly. But at the same time, I'm on the clock so I can't really officially approach them. How could I go about flirting/approaching in subtle ways where my boss or said girls wouldn't get mad or offended or something?
Same way you find a good (anything). Start local, give it a shot or two and see what you think. No one forces you to return.
>doesnt seem ideal
What is it with you and ideal? I just told you that none of this is ideal. The reason why it's suggested is simply that it's better than drinking alone at home while you watch TV. Do you socialize with your TV? No. So even the most remote opportunity to interact with another human being has better odds than being on your couch.
No, it's not awkward. No one cares. If you interact with other people, the only thing that matters is what you two talk about.
If you still feel weird then don't do it. You don't have to take constructive opportunities. It's only an idea for people who do.
I'd never recommend that, especially for trying to meet potential partners, because there are mainly people looking to drink and hook up.
If you are looking to drink and hook up though, then go ahead.
Might could be. I have a somewhat similar problem with people. I really suck at story telling, and have absolutely no sense for timing when it comes to making things sound suspenseful or comedic and I'm also am pretty detail oriented, so when I start recounting something, I can visibly see and feel people slipping away as I tell it.
But there are also times when I know people are completely and totally engaged because it's something I'm speaking about with complete authority, conviction, and conciseness.
That said, I also have the opposite problem with my girlfriend where she often asks me what's up, and has said before she wishes I'd open up more and tel her more of my problems.
I dont have my own place though
my only option is if the girl offers hers. thats IF I manage to talk to a girl in the first place.
im in great shape but still seems like a longshot at best. besides, what girl goes to a bar to pick up?
I mean, a bar to me seems like a place where people go to either get drunk, or be depressed and drink by themselves.
it doesnt seem like a cheerful place to socialize. alcohol or not.
im not trying to be negative, im just worried about being seen as some deadbeat drinking by himself.
I guess a coffee shop would be more ideal, although not as relaxed an atmosphere. i'd give bars a chance but if I didnt meet people i'd probably end up drinking a lot cause I feel bad or lonely/bored.
Are my posts invisible or something? Damn, I don't ever get any kind of feedback on these threads. I get that other people have more important problems but fuck can someone at least try to help me get the ball rolling just a little bit?
How can I subtly suggest to the person I am dating that they improve their posture without seeming rude?
They are extremely self confident so I feel very awkward to say anything about it, but it's noticeably bad because they spend a lot of time on the computer.
It's as much an aesthetic thing as a health issue.
People don't lose their loner status by not doing shit about it. It takes work, and it's not easy. Those who TRY, and put in the work reap the rewards. Those who are lazy/emotionally stunted, fail.
You mentioned coffee shops. That's fine. Some guys go out and meet women through these types of venues. IMO, coffee shops and other such "low key" venues are much more relaxed. People and women specifically are much more obnoxious at night (bitch shields). It's a different atmosphere.
Try coffee shops, try bars and nightclubs. Try them all, and see what works for you. You'll eventually figure out what works and what doesn't. It's all about how much work you put in, and how quickly you learn/adapt.
Btw, it's totally possible to order non alcoholic drinks at the bar/nightclub. Nightclubs are less strict.
That's just HSV-2. More than 3 out of every 5 have HSV-1.
>HSV-1 is the more prevalent virus, with 65% of persons in the United States having antibodies
>epidemiology in Europe is similar, with at least half of the population seropositive for HSV-1
How long? 1 or 2 dates, you can maybe bring it up, but it might also make you seem like a busybody depending on the rest of your personality. If you've been dating for a few months, just playfully touch their back and say, "You're going to have back problems if you keep sitting like that you know"
so I go to a bar, sit at the counter with a drink, and watch the game or whatever.
what makes me worth talking to other than my appearance? I take good care of myself, but I doubt looking interesting is enough to make others care, or break the ice.
im willing to try but it just seems like a shot in the dark desu.
A neat trick to get people to do something is talk to them like they already are.
"I love it when you stand so tall. Makes you look so confident. It's really good for your health too!"
They might make more of a point to stand like that around you.
Sorry but what options do you have? PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE or just go through the fucking motions, placating your ego.
>what makes me worth talking to other than my appearance?
You don't get it. You need to have a certain level of social aptitude. People are busy and generally like the status quo. BUT, somehow new connections are made everyday. Some people have too many friends. Some women really want to meet someone.
You'll say "hi" and they'll say "hi." What's next? You better have some sort of plan. Some sort of conversation starter. If you are INTERESTING, they will have an INCENTIVE to keep on talking to you. YOU have to decide on what's next. Some do this naturally, some need to apply themselves. You do this more and more, the better you get at it.
>so I go to a bar, sit at the counter with a drink, and watch the game or whatever.
Them you'll be like the many other miserable fucks who lack initiative. That's up to you.
>im willing to try but it just seems like a shot in the dark desu.
I don't get this attitude. This is something (making connections with other people) that is EARNED. Other people will also have their own opinions, questions and concerns about you as well. It's a two way street. But it is YOU who is initiating, not them. Drop the ego. Nobody owes you shit, friendship or otherwise.
Have your post stand on your own and don't reply to OP. I glance through and find posts that aren't replying to anything since those are usually the questions and not conversation.
I also thought you were having a conversation with someone since I had to reread the OP to understand what the hell you were saying.
Flirting on the job could cost you your job. Practice picking up chicks on your own time.
Wow finally. Overall thanks for replying. And for the advice. Never even considered the thing about replying to OP. If anything at least I'll have that to take away from the thread.
I don't go to said college though, so I can't talk to them there (a guy I know got arrested for being on campus while not attending. But he was also a lot older so idk how this works). In fact I live about 30 minutes away. And I can't do the bar scene. I've tried so so hard but it just doesn't work for me. Level 75 social recluse. I'm trying to lower the level but I'm not anywhere near ready for bars and parties. What else could I do? I currently live in buttfuck nowhere so everything is a bit of a drive.
Reading thread conversations in the meantime. Maybe I'll pick something up from it.
College towns have events. Find cafes that have open mic, trivia, what have you. Practice going up to people afterwards and saying, "wow I really liked your slam poetry. How long have you been doing that?"
40% of all new genital herpes infections are HSV-1 because of the increased practice of oral sex. You didn't know you can just as easily get 1 genitally, as well as 2 orally?
Implying that 1 is exclusively oral and 2 is exclusively genital is outdated and disingenuous.
i'd like to meet girls, meeting people/making new friends in general would be nice but yeah. why would a girl go to a bar by herself anyway? I can see why guys do it, but why would a girl be alone at a bar anyways? and if she is there with her friends why would she talk to a dude by himself? even if I look good I doubt that is enough.
im willing to try i'm just trying to picture a scenario where this is actually successful.
Tell her about the abandonment issues. If knowing that pushes her away, it's gonna hurt for a little while, but you're both better off. Better that she learn now than years down the road, or worse, your relationship falls apart from other related reasons and you're left to wonder "what if we'd talked about that thing?"
Hey, she may even end up being super understanding and things only get better from here.
But definitely tell her. Holding it in is like stashing away a ticking time bomb and hoping you somehow figure out how to diffuse it somewhere down the road before it goes off.
I just got out of a 2 + year relationship because it turns out she had some stigmas about my issues. I'm not a helpless idiot who didn't try to fix himself, but it was a constant challenge, and it became clear that she saw my shortcomings as a red flag. When I realized that, I didn't feel nearly as bad that we weren't together anymore. Wouldn't have lasted anyway.
when you have sex for the first time where do girls typically expect you to cum?
i know life isnt a porno so i'm not gonna try to re-enact a facial scene. do people normally just cum in the condom and toss it?
How appropriate would it be for me to take a girl ive been seeing out on a date to the beach. Our last date was intimate ice-cream talk-time and i want to do something abit more fun. I was thinking we could catch the train to the beach and enjoy a nice day having fun together where the date could possibly lead to potential hand holding or head on shoulder action on the train ride home. Im not being pushy with her for the lewd because i want her to feel comfortable with me and its also would be my first time with her. She mentioned on our first date that it was her first "real" date with a guy and that she was having alot of fun. She grew up in a country setting so i guess all the boys she use to know were basically family. We will be getting a few hot days coming up over the next week i.e +33*c so its pretty much the perfect weather to go to the beach. Any- advice?
I was reading our university's monthly magazine. Most of the articles are pretty sensational and pretty bad to be honest. There was an article saying men always think about sex because these see these studies we found on Wikipedia.
But, I'm curious, do women actually think men are just sex addicted mongorols?
Also, my first year of college I had to take a first year english class that is mandatory for all students. Unfortunately the only classes that had slots were on the topics of feminism.
I was the only male in the class, and to be frank it was 1hr of females shitting on men without sources. I usually just sat quietly and I did really well on my papers.
I don't really understand why women have so little respect for men. I remember one common saying was men pay women less and discourage them from entering high paying fields. But, as a CS major, all of them women CS majors have already dropped out. That is a really small sample size, but I don't understand how it's the man's fault women don't seek high paying jobs.
SO, why the disrespect? We are human beings with feelings, passions, and divinity in our souls, just as everyone else. We aren't mindless sex murderer 3.0 robots.
Can you be more specific? I'll try to explain why I asked.
>Girl I like sent me a friend request earlier
>Don't have too many pictures (though there are some pretty recent ones) , never write posts on my wall, most of the stuff my friends write is just on birthdays
>Haven't changed my profile pic in roughly 2 years
>Now freaking out that she might think less of me if I accept and she sees that my profile is pretty sparse and outdated
Not even a chick, but CS is apparently one of the biggest fields with the most prevalent gender based discrimination and harassment; be it at major companies or minor.
I've got a friend who works with a defense contractor and he admits a lot of the office culture is pretty biased towards men, and same thing is true for my cousin who who worked her ass off to become a project leader at Intel.
Yes it is possible. Coming from the receiving end, too (she fell for me).
It depends on how far away you are and if you have the ability to close the gap. My overall advice though is to not get attached to the idea that this is your only option or your best option or what have you. I met my "puppy" about five years ago, and ever since, I haven't had a girlfriend or a date because I know how she feels and she gets super upset when I bring up me dating someone or being in a relationship in general. But she's also a recovering suicide hotline user so that's a factor too, I'm sure. Very fragile. I say and pretend that I don't care and that it's my life to live, but ultimately it's really wearing down on my subconscious mind considering I've given up a good number of relationships to appease her, even though I don't feel the same kind of affection towards her. I love her but I'm not IN love with her, you know? And at the same time, she hasn't tried to get a bf/gf (she's bi) at all to my knowledge, even with my constant pushing her towards it.
Either way, if you can get out of it, do it. I know it sounds like you're on the opposite end of my situation, where you're the one who fell. You need to not do that, because all you're doing is limiting yourself and attempting to limit the other person in the sense of dating. You'll get upset when s/he becomes more than friends with someone else, and you won't even bother trying because why should you? You want to show them that you're fully committed to them.
Just my two cents on the whole LDR thing. A little bit of projecting desu but I think my point still stands.
I'm an egalitarian, I hate all people equally. Do some guys treat me bad jump on the sex wagon to fast? Yeah. Are some women demeaning sucubuses? Yeah. Some feminists are assholes, some a chill. The world isn't black and white, you can't just good vs. evil this shit, everything's one confusing blob of grey. Welcome to the real world.
How large is the population of women who have qualifications for intel though? I'm sure the ratio of men who get into intel that are qualified is pretty low.
So, take a small population pool, and add that on top of normal hiring rates. I wonder if the proportion of men:intelmen, women:intelwomen is similar if that makes sense.
I haven't seen it firsthand, so I really doubt an employer will look at an astonishing resume from a woman and reject it for a male.
I understand contempt for society at that point, but I don't understand why then people use that as a point for how shitty the whole subset of men is. It just feels disrespectful/poisoning the well to assume any man is a pile of shit because of shitty things that have happened.
Idk if that makes sense, I understand the anger and frustration of trying to get on equal terms, but at the same time those men at intel didn't get a job based on gender. They got the job because they are some of the brightest minds.
Notice I said the culture, not the hiring practices (whether those are biased or not is another discussion).
The best way I can explain it to you is, we're back in high school, and every other kid is off in their own cliques, but you are segregated out and have to sit by yourself because no one has the same interests and everyone hangs out doing their own things; and everytime you join in, everyone just looks at you weird and start to feel uncomfortable because you just feel like you're a stranger intruding in a completely foreign world. And that all slowly grinds on you.
Is this girl DTF?
>sort of dating a girl for the last month
>she gets back from a trip
>tell her we need to do something this weekend
>"I can spend the night, you can come to church with me on sunday if you want"
We have some history, but that was before she converted to Catholicism last year
Another issue that is a bit of a doozy
>have always used kissing/making out to get a girl in bed
>said girl has a yeast infection in her mouth from antibiotics so kissing is off for this week
>still want to get her in bed if she stays over
How can I work my way to the lips below if I can's start with the lips on top?
>But, I'm curious, do women actually think men are just sex addicted mongorols?
As a guy I have to say yes. Men actively desire and seek out sex. While women like sex they are more passive about their desire. If they run into the right person who turns them on they will have sex. Women in general will not activity seek out sex. If us men weren't such horndogs humanity would cease to exist.
>she converted to Catholicism
How devout is she? Interpret it how you want and premarital sex is ok? Only ok in God's secret back door? Offended that you would ask for sin in front of Jesus's eyes?
I understand the analogy, but I'm having a hard time converting that to the work place.
So basically men don't treat women as equal in intellect or look at their work as inferior?
Do people really do this? Have people witnessed that?
Again, I don't really have a reference point, so I have a really hard time trying to figure out what exactly is implied by office culture being biased towards men.
In fact the only reference point I have proves the opposite. I work at the university help desk and one of the techs is a lady, and everyone has a great deal of respect for her around the office because she's fucking awesome at fixing things in her field.
Obviously, a university setting probably isn't were the issue is happening, but I don't have a good basis to understand the contempt deriving from the suppression of women.
I've seen studies and numbers trying to give a face to discrimination, but I don't really give them much credit. It's really hard to see the truth in a situation where tempers run hot.
I can't remember who told me this but, it was something like,"Tempers run the hottest in situations, where compassion is needed the most." Tell me if I'm wrong, but I feels as if most of the data is most likely not true. I don't think data is the solution to subjugation, nor is having contempt for all of the other group aka men.
Whenever I read articles trying to classify all men as people who think about sex ever 7 secs and nothing else, it just seems to me that respect and divide between genders is slowing disappearing. When really the answers comes from compassion and love for the fellow human, so hate mongering will simply leave us torn.
She is an every sunday type of person. None of her family is religious. I like the general philosophy and was raised a catholic, but I don't care for the spiritual aspects of it.
She has also been off the half dozen psych meds she had been taking for years. In general she seems much better off her meds. My understanding is those kill sex drives. I am the first person she has been romantically involved with in a few years.
I got burned by my ex a year ago when she started going to a fundie church and stopped having sex with me. Looking to avoid the same mistake.
So I finally decided to ask out my lady friend, so I message her on fb hoping she would reply to the first message of "Hey, I was checking out imdb and noticed that more than half of season 5s out..." (she likes some shows, I download them, its childish i know but its all I got, shes hard to relate to without knowing her more and the only way that can happen is go on a date)"
Hoping she would reply with ANYTHING because then I was about to say "would you like to get coffee over the weekend and maybe watch it?". She didn't reply at all, but seen the message, and now im thinking she's misinterpreted it, as if I wanted her to initiate it or ask me out, who knows.
How do I fix this? Should I message her (24 hrs later) saying "I was going to ask if you'd like to catch up over coffee on the weekend?"
>I was going to ask if you'd like to catch up over coffee on the weekend?
Don't call attention to the time gap. Pretend it didn't happen. Just ask, instead of announcing you asking.
"Want to catch up over coffee on the weekend? I have season 5 downloaded and we could watch it."
hey girls, would you ever accept the apology of a guy who was your best friend and got really jealous and then ruined the friendship?
this girl was my best friend and I still love her eventhough it's been 6 months without talking to her. I absolutely want her in my life, but I don't know what to do so she forgives me! This is one of the worst heartbreaks I ever had
So you're saying you don't believe the empirical data because, in your view, it's biased. And you also discount the anecdotal evidence because, from your limited vantage, your one experience is different?
Yes numbers get fudged, and people can exaggerate. But that's like saying, "Oh hey, I don't believe in global warming because, i remember that one time when i left my room, it was pretty hot that one year."
Wanted to fight a dude who was talking to her in a party, followed her once I was angry with her and confronted her in the street, and other shit like that.
I'm not sure if she's angry or scared, really. Probably both things.
Mostly, if you want new ones ask.
Probably not if you were acting like that, partially because I wouldn't trust that you wouldn't do something crazy/potentially harmful to me
>Probably not if you were acting like that, partially because I wouldn't trust that you wouldn't do something crazy/potentially harmful to me
yes, that's what I thought. So maybe I should make her trust in me again? That's what I'm trying to do.
You don't make anyone trust you, you earn it. Its hasn't nearly been enough time for you to make significant changes other than guilt. I'd give it a couple years, if ever. Deal with yourself and go to therapy. Leave the poor girl alone.
Sorry, I'll re-reply and actually answer your question this time (I was too busy laughing my ass off to actually seriously answer before.)
Ok. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with inferiority complexes or whatever the fuck. I brought up the schoolyard analogy intentionally. It's about the common cultures that are prevalent in the work place. You're demonizing it and that's why you're having it not connect.
I'll give you a more innocuous example:
If every single person in your office is massively in to Fantasy football and it's all they ever talk about during breaks, and they all meet up outside of work to do have drinks do drafts, but you have no fucking idea what the fuck the first thing about fooball is, and any time you try to talk to anyone about anything else, someone else chimes in about that amazing play or whatever the fuck, and you're the only one in the entire office who doesn't participate. You're going to feel left out.
Now imagine "fantasy football" was picking up chicks at bars, or cars, or random internet memes, or even every other single aspect of life that you find interesting and can relate to.
Prejudices do happen and women do legitimately get discriminated against and injustices do occur
>my girlfriend got chewed out one day because she pulled a pen on someone when they snuck up behind her and grabbed her ass (she's a rape victim btw). A lot of small shit like this kept piling up to the point where she'd have days after work where she'd have pull over driving home, having panic attacks. One day, her boss chewed her out so bad, that she ran to the bathroom and started puking. Her boss said, "I hope you're not pregnant because we're not paying for that". She quit on the spot, and threatened to write a report to HR if they didn't give a stellar recommendation
But it's also that if it sucks working somewhere when you have no one to relate to, and it makes it so you don't want to work there.
Girls are so incomprehensible for me. I recently went out with a girl few times - first couple of times were just lunch, sussing out if I was interested. Then the third date we went to the movies and I decided that I'm into her, so the fourth date I decided to invite her somewhere more romantic. She waited a day to respond and then said it was too far away, so I suggested somewhere closer. The message is marked as seen, but I sent it like 24 hours ago and she still has yet to respond. I figured that she must'nt be into me and I may as well cut my losses, but then today she came up to me on the street from behind and tapped me on the shoulder. We had a brief chat during which neither of us mentioned the message. If she doesn't like me, why would she go out of her way to approach me on the street and act friendly? If I was going out of my way to avoid replying to someone's message, I certainly wouldn't approach them. I really can't understand if this girl is interested or not.
For girls: I was at Jamba Juice getting a free birthday smoothie, and the cutie girl at the cashier was very cute (lmfao). She said happy bday to me and as usual I said thanks, but then when I got my drink she personally walked to me and gave it to me and it was also a size bigger. You think she was hinting at something like I was cute or some shit and if so, what if I went back one day and saw her there again? Do people normally strike a conversation with an employee and ask for their number?
I work in tech and I've not seen any difference in how men and women are treated. There's a lot of women in my current job and atmosphere is great overall.
Not having anything to talk about could be a problem but mostly only on smaller companies, if you're working on a bigger company there are bound to be people who have same interests. Am I interested in all the girly discussions? No. Also I really couldn't care less about any discussion that involves kids but it's understandable parents find it a common topic. There are also topics that I like and they might not be at all interested. But as there are plenty of people working there are also plenty of people to talk to. Being a girl and not having anything to talk about at work really isn't a valid excuse for why women aren't more common in tech. Or well it's just as valid reason for women as it's for men to complain about. Being a women doesn't mean that you're some magical creature that can't find a common topic with guys, especially if you're working in the same field. What about the hardcore anime fans? Or bronies?
People being shitty and discriminating against someone based on qualities they can't do anything about are just shitty people. Shitty people aren't exclusive to tech and if you've got shitty people in the place you're working at take it to the HR or your boss, depending on who is being shitty. Don't complain on the internet how everyone in tech hates women just because there are shitty people at your workplace.
A chick from class approached me out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to smoke with her, we never talked before that. We drove around and smoked and then got food and then walked around a park and talked more. She wants to come to my apt this weekend to watch a movie and smoke. What is going on? Am I being set up for human trafficking? This is unprecedented and I don't know what to make of it. I'm a shut-in and I only ever go outside to go to class and get food. What is going on?
Work at Starbucks, I bring things to customers if I have time and it looks like they're not noticing their shit is getting cold/they're regulars
She's chatting you up, given you haven't talked to each other in class you can probably take it as she's seeing how you two get along. In which case you have a pretty good chance of getting laid if you play your cards right and don't act like a complete social retard.
For either gender:
How does flirting work? What even is it?
How do I know if I'm actually in love, or it's just some false attachment because I'm a sad sack who's sad and doesn't talk to people often?
Beards. Proper maintenance and growth, and opinions from females on beards.
>GF always has a negative initial response when it comes to sex or intimacy.
You're not just, like, forcing yourself on her regardless of the mood, are you? That's a whole different can of worms.
I had a classmate say before class, "Oh, I don't hang out Anon. I don't like him." Which is true, he doesn't. I was a little peeved, so I said, "Yeah, is that why you invite me to study?"
He called me an asshole and added, "This is why we don't hang out." And a bunch of other people backed him. Granted, I replied like a prick, but I was just minding my own business when I overheard him say this, so I feel like my response is at least somewhat justified.
>How does flirting work? What even is it?
Flirting is just playful banter with a sexual undertone. It's basically a little like sarcasm in that you say a bunch of over-the-top things you don't mean (usually sexual), and thereby lampooning the absurdity of it, while also call attention to the truth behind it. Flirting, by definition, has no actual intent of follow through.
>How do I know if I'm actually in love, or it's just some false attachment because I'm a sad sack who's sad and doesn't talk to people often?
Simple question: Follow this check list:
Do they like me back?
Would I be sad if I never saw this person again?
Do I find myself occasionally thinking of their needs before mine?
Have we known each other for longer than 6 months?
Are there things about this person that seriously bug the crap out of me, but that I feel like I can put up with?
If you say Yes to all of these, still no guarantee, but if you say No to any of these, No. That is not love.
>Beards. Proper maintenance and growth, and opinions from females on beards.
Beards don't fully kick in 'til the age of 25ish (varies with genes). Some people just can't grow them.
If you want to maintain a beard, let it grow for about two weeks (more or less depending on speed of growth) grab a beard trimmer, and start looking for a shape that compliments your face and head. Certain beards can make your face look rounder, or more blocky, accent your chin, or whatever else. Look at your face in a mirror and decide what suits you best.
Try to keep your beard even on length. It helps cut down on the scraggly look, and also gives your beard a more thicker, fuller appearance. Trim from your ears down (i do this every 2 or 3 days. I also keep my cheeks and neck shaved)
People will tell you that you need to use a proper beard shampoo and conditioner, but I always just use the same stuff I use in my hair and I've never had a problem with it.
Basically it's conversation that also involves the purposeful expression of appreciation/desire.
So, let's say you see your aunt wearing a dress, and it just strikes you as an awesome dress. You might say...
"Thats an awesome dress aunt *cocksucker*"
If I translate that into flirtatious language towards someone else...
"That dress looks awesome on YOU, I really like *insert detail about dress* and the way it shows you natural *curves/shape/beauty*"
>love vs loneliness
Love is a deep appreciation, trust, and affection in a romantic way. You'll feel it some day, but youll feel a lot of infatuation and attraction in the form of crushes first.
>beards how to
Studies have shown that on average, beards do little to attract women, but are actually quite efficient at making other men uncomfortable/inferior.
They also show that most women prefer clean shaven faces. There are always exceptions.
I have no idea how to put flirting into words, but I can do it. Its weird man. Im sorry.
I find a good way to know you're in love is when you're having an awesome fucking time with your friends, then you go to the bathroom or something and start to miss him. Or you're all laughing and making jokes, then you check your phone and see he's texted "goodnight" and you wish you were there snuggling.
That might just be her being clueless, and not realizing its rude not to answer back with an answer or a "let me see how much homework/work I have to get done".
I have a friend who doesnt fucking give anyone a great answer except for "hmm, maybe" then hours later will say "we still up for lunch?" So fuckin annoying.
So I say just ask again with a "So did you want to go to (whatever you suggested) (tuesday) night?"
So, guys, I'm F/bi and in my first relationship... I tend to look at a lot of les porn and check out cute girls when I'm out, and my bf has jokingly suggested a couple times that I try to pursue a girl. I asked him kinda seriously about it a week ago and he said he doesn't care and to go for it... his tone was still kinda joking, though. I have a feeling he assumes that even with permission I won't have any success (I'm really awkward), so isn't taking me asking seriously.
What do I do here? Go for it and if he has a problem with it, say, 'you said this was ok'? I cam't figure out how seriously to take his permission. How would you guys feel about your gf legitimately pursuing girls while with you?
It entirely depends on him and his personality.
My girlfriend is bi-curious. Her first kiss/semi-relationship was with a girl. She's expressed interested in going further.
Personally, I think i'd only be ok with her experimenting if I was in some way involved, and even then I'm not sure.
The fact that your bf brings it up suggest he might just think the idea of you getting with another girl is hot, and isn't threatening.
Some people say it's better to ask forgiveness, but when it comes to issues of trust and relationships, you don't' fuck around because once you lose it, there's no guarantee of ever getting it back.
Communication is the corner stone of healthy relationships, and I'd have a legit talk with him first before doing anything if you want the relationship to last.
He might be thinking that you getting it on with another girl opens up a possibility for a threesome or at least getting some action with whoever you find. It might also mean that he wants to tap some strange but doesn't want to suggest open relationship yet and is waiting for you to hook up with a girl and then bring it up and go all but you did it too on you.
Or he doesn't find you pursuing other girls threatening and is fine with you doing it.
I'd only be comfortable with my gf pursuing other girls if I was involved in the sex. But people aren't the same so just talk to your bf about it.
He does think it'd be hot if he could watch us, whether in person or on video... he's not a very sexual person though so him angling for threesomes and open relationships seems unlikely to me.
He's not so great at serious conversations and it's hard to ever figure out what he's actually thinking... he tries to dodge or downplay concerns. I guess I'll try bringing it up again before I do anything... I definitely don't want to mess our relationship up. Thanks, guys.
From my experience, most of the women being hired around here as programmers are being hired because they're women, not because they're any good. They have some internship program going and one of the few girls got maybe 30 offers while most of my friends who were just as talented, struggled to get one.
In the workplace, it can translate to some pretty bad scenarios. Some places, it doesn't make a difference. But in others, all the guys will look at a girl and think how incompetent she might be. And guess what? Chances are she probably isn't anywhere as competent as she should be. Why? Because sheer numbers. Lots of the most mediocre male programmers won't even get job in the field, while every female will get a job no matter what. And finding the super intelligent women? May as well be a fucking unicorn.
Most of the most successful women I know, they won't even bat an eyelash at 'male dominated culture'. They don't give a shit, they just do their own shit and it does them good. As far as meritocracies go, tech is the closest you'll ever get and some women get just as annoyed by this affirmative action bullshit (because of incompetent women programmers).
Because of sexual selection back in the day. Older men tend to have aggregated more resources, more status, more power, ect. so the women who went for older men had the most prosperous offspring.
Ladies, what makes a good first POF message? And to one of the few non-sluts I found on this shit, so she probably has some other kind of issue, but we'll get there when we get there.
But first message?
Who should I listen to for advice?
So I've asked people in a forum and a real life friend of mine for advice. My friend's advice is the opposite of what almost everyone on people online said. Who should I listen to?
The issue is this:
I kept in contact with a high school teacher I had a crush on. People online call me a sxxx and said that his wife will be super angry if she finds out. People online said he may have feelings back for me. My friend said that keeping in contact with an ex-teacher is not big deal and that he probably just enjoys chatting with me.
We just send each other a bunch of texts around once every 2-4 weeks. The texts talks about how we've been lately and we also sometimes discuss about TV shows we are both fans of.
I don't think they're less respectful unless that's all a guy does. Kind of like how a guy doesn't consider fashion and makeup a real hobby for girls
Knowing nothing about the situation, I'd have to agree with the online people and say it's a little creepy. However, I'm assuming your irl friend knows the teacher and thus has a different perspective of it.
Given that he's probably significantly older than you, and probably aware of your feelings, the fact that he's staying in contact with you gives me the impression that his intentions aren't the purest. That said, I only know what you've told us and your post was somewhat loaded by you mentioning what other people online have said.
I'm in sort of a long distance relationship with a girl I met online and have been talking and getting close with for a while. I will be visiting her next month.
She used to send me pictures if I asked, not even lewds, just normal pictures so I could see how she looked that day.
But now she simply won't send me anything. She won't even take a selfie and send it to me.
Nothing between us has changed, we still text all day, call all night and are excited to see each other soon, she just refuses to show me a picture or video Skype anymore.
What can I do to change her mind?
That's possible, but again, I don't know all the details and I don't know what's going on inside his head. I'm really not going to rely on your own rating of yourself, there are a lot of factors that might mitigate it.
I actually remember this poster from like a month ago....
I'm pretty sure if you go on /b/ or something, someone probably still has that giant infographic thing of the teacher who used to come to /b/ and brag about that student he was banging, and one day he posted a picture, and people followed that back to a pseudonym instagram account that had a million pictures of them together, and then sent the pictures to his wife and to the school district, which got him sacked and at the center of quite a few news reports.
Because 4chan has a history of dealing with teachers and students, and that's why you get creepy. (But for some reason, the female haters still hate and ask why creepy is creepy, when they have Elliot Rogers as an answer <.< *shrug* I've only been here a couple months... and it's been on here too long xD)
She was talking about how her shrink wants to have her institutionalized for a short while. She hates the idea and doesn't want to comply.
>they can make me do a lot of things if they want to, but one thing's certain: I'll never talk
>they could just drop by the museum and pick up some devices for that
Over the line? I probably just should've said "true" and left it at that.
I don't get it, to be honest. Even so, I don't think you picked the right time to make a joke and she might have been offended. If you want, maybe text her and apologise for the joke if it offended her?
Don't ask him that.
Egalitarian here. You fuck my brains out, I'll do the same for you.
I can tell my gf always prefers it waaaay more when I'm rough, but at least she tries, and it's hot when she does.
I thought it was pretty easy to connect the dots, but that happens a lot to me, I guess. Should I really bring it up again? Wouldn't it be better to just say hi some other time and pretend those last messages never happened?
Guy here, but I haven't had that issue so much, but I also play them in moderation. For a lot of guys they often eclipse their more significant responsibilities, and it's a pretty big deal.
I doubt a woman would be keen on a guy ignoring her and his responsibilities if it was through football instead either.
Not really my thing. Others are into it though.
Is there a difference in behaviour between
>interested but knows you are too, so takes it easy and puts in minimal effort
She's okay with anything I do, does anything I ask and goes out with me, but texts minimally (since I started getting more serious), doesn't respond to any teasing, touching or flirting, and no longer burst into extreme laughter when I say something meant to be funny.
I feel like a long-married couple, and we're not even exclusive yet.
>what exactly are "my responsabilities
Hygiene. Paying the bills and doing your studies in a reasonable time frame. Keeping the house clean. Blah blah. Lots of guys procrastinate with that stuff to keep playing.
>Do I have a responsability to be available and ready to entertain her ?
To an extent. If shes feeling ignored while you're playing games, it's not going to go well.
The worst I've dealt with is some playful teasing over the topic, because I don't let it control my life.
Honest opinion on:
>Guy going down on you
I know every girl is different but I was a little shocked to hear my friend doesnt like oral sex because it "feels akward him just being down there"
A bit of a chore to be honest, and I hate the little jets of precum, but not too bad overall
I don't see the point. Surely a handjob or blowjob would be better?
>Guy going down on you
Sometimes good, but can get uncomfortable when it goes too long because I get too sensitive
>I dont see the point, surely a handjob or blowjob would be better?
You're underestimating how much guys can enjoy your boobs.
I see blowjob and handjob as more of a way to get you to the point of finishing, and a titfuck as a finishing move
Is your teasing/touching/flirting enough to please her? I like it when my boyfriend acts basically like a stalker and forces me like a rapist would because everything else is too bland. I hate it when he acts soft and cuddly and expects me to feel anything just at that. Rape first. Cuddles after.
They're alright. But gag reflex keeps me from going too long.
Wouldn't really work on me. But I imagine it'd be weird, and generally not enough pressure for the guy.
It's only ever felt uncomfortable or painful. Or need to go to the bathroom. And not much for me to do but stare at the bed or wall.
>Guy going down on you
I may have just had people who were bad at it, but it just feels awkward. Doesn't do anything so I end up laying there wondering if I should just make him stop, and how to do so without killing the mood like "yeah that did nothing for me"
Eh, I think it's okay then. Some teachers like their jobs, and want to know how their students are doing as adults. Just passing their class or grade or whatever... not the kind of thing that makes them feel like they made a difference.
There is nothing wrong with keeping in touch with old mentors but I'm curious what would posess people to call you a slut and to be suspicious of your motives to the point where they'd think you were trying to get to sleep with him.
That seems like an incredibly outlandish accusation and I can't help but wonder what you're not telling us
have no problem with it. I really like it.
well, im A cup so i cant barely do anything even if i try but bf loves my small chest, and sometimes he rubs his cock on my nips.
turns me on a lot, specially if when i doing reverse cowgirl, he inserts his finger on my butthole. I find it super hot, and instantly asks him to put in.
>guy going down on you
well, at the first i was somewhat ashamed because i never shaved down there, never had so much hair and it doesnt liked a jungle so i didnt have a reason to do it. Bf told me that natural bush its a huge turn on for him, so he ate me out anyways and... it was awesome.
Yeah I think he is that type of person
Well, I was his best student. We became "close" when we found out we are fans of the same author. He tried to invite our fav author to my city as he knows some influential people, but unfortunately that didn't work out
I have no idea why people called me a slut. I never called him hot or anything.
Be yourself around him and if he is totally comfortable with that and doesnt mention anything he can "help you work on" then youre good.
I'm a switch, so, on occasion or somewhat regularly would be amazing.
Have you lurked much? That's the general response to girls posting advice on 4chan. Girls are always sluts, and if they explain why it's not like that, they're lying.
Not everyone thinks that way. It's just r9k branching out or people trolling. Don't worry about it.
But plenty of people give good advice too about how the world works outside of 4chan. You just have to wade through actual advice and people just venting online
I am devoutly Catholic and I have been seeing a girl for about 2 months now, spending a lot of time together.
How do I express to her that I have zero tolerance for cheating without sounding like a weirdo?
The last time I had someone close enough to be considered a girlfriend I told her that if she ever cheats I will be gone within the hour, no second chances, no ifs or buts. She broke up with me the next day and I want to avoid that.
>How do I express to her that I have zero tolerance for cheating
If she cheats, break up. Starting a relationship telling someone seriously that you're done if they cheat... Makes it sound like you already expect it, or just don't really trust them.
This could apply for both.
My girlfriend was hit on by some guy who a friend knew at a bar and has now become friends with him apparently. This probably makes it sound worse than it really is, he's a sub par community theatre extra who dresses like he's a turkish rug with a matching floral fedora. However i can't get over the fact that they met by him flirting with her and literally inviting her to his house.
I can see how i'm a controlling asshole who is a no.1 fan of monogamy. But she is really upset that i disapprove and my very nature is to dig my heels in. I've devoted my life to this woman and love her to bits but there is no way that i'm going back on my opinion of this guy. Everything about him rubs me the wrong way.
I even tried to ease my mind by asking people who knew him about their general opinion but they couldn't give me anything to ease my nerves. Actually they gave me the opposite and i heard several accounts (mostly from colleagues and people that he's worked with) that he is notoriously difficult to work with and a real 2d character.
Where the hell do i go from here? It will take considerable measure to change my mind and i think she likes the guy as a friend.
Pick related: he's got that tight chino dinner jacket thing going.
Super fun, but might be because I got some mad skills in it.
I'll do it combined with blowjob or if it really turns on the guy. I wouldn't suggest it on my own. It's meh for me but I wouldn't mind doing it for my partner if it gets him off.
For some unknown reason I actually love anal.
>Guy going down on you
If he is good at it, a thousand times yes.
My two go to favorites:
What are you passionate about?
What are you looking forward to?
Make sure you yourself have an answer to both of these. People love to talk about things they're interested in, so once they get started on something, you just have to listen, and ask listen questions for clarification to keep the convo going. Smile, laugh, and make an occasional joke and you're golden.
>have xth date planned with girl in a week
>was initially this week, but she's way behind on her studies
>apparently she's meeting a guy to study with on the other day this weekend
>guy keeps hitting on her whenever us 3 are together
>guy keeps clinging to her so it's always 'us 3 together'
The guy's cool and friendly, but I can't stand the way he keeps trying to make a move on her, and especially not the idea that she actually agreed to meet up.
Should I ask her out again and offer help of my own on the day we originally had plans? How can I stay in the picture with this guy trying so hard?
Yes. I think she looks adorable, and it's a time where I can just stare at her for an hour and enjoy basking in her every detail.
I also have a sleeping fetish, but that's besides the point.
i remember how i looked at my ex gf while she sleeps.
i sometimes put my ear to her hearth and just listened to it and enjoyed it like it was some kind of music.
i also used to kiss her tenderly somewhere on her body and tried not to wake her up. i kissed her cheeks, lips, buttocks, thighs or wherever i felt like.
still kinda miss that girl...
>he's not a very sexual person
He might be trying to make up what he feels is a deficiency in your relationship. Since you are more sexual, maybe he's insecure that he isn't enough.
I wouldn't go through with this.
Maybe she's feeling more self conscious. I know I have streaks where I want to take tons of pictures because I feel attractive, and other times where I can't look myself in the eye.
Maybe pay her some compliments and ask her if anything's on her mind?
Depends on the guy, mood and situation. Generally it's no fox pas, provided you don't double down if he reacts negatively.
Being a good person helps. Making yourself available also helps.
Girls: what do you think PUA community? Do you find their methods legit?
I recently read a guide and I can't deny that it somehow worked, not relly for the sduction techniques but rather for the "boosting confidence methods"
not a girl but I tried this before. It depends on the person, if you meet some hardcore feminist you can expect bad things to happen, fortunately most of the time they were nice and friendly.
No. Though it may boost confidence it does it in the most toxic, counterproductive way possible. But some people are bright enough to see that and pick what practical good there is out of those methods without adopting the ideaology.
I need advice in general, not neccessarily from the opposite sex..
I have the chance to fuck an extremely attractive girl that ive actually always wanted to fuck, the only problem is, she is a friends (more of an acquaintence, we're not close) they were together for some time, and broke up on bad terms, about a year ago, i was friends with them both seperately while they were together.. a little backstory on this dude though, he is good friends with a few of my good friends, but we are not close.. hes a good dude, when hes not drunk, and im coming onto month 6 of the longest dry spell ive ever had since i lost my virginity, she'd also be the first girl ive fucked since i broke up with my gf of 2.5 years, it is a guaranteed thing if i go to her house tonight like she asked me too
I'm not worried about my good friends in my immediate circle, aside from one, whom i have alot of respect for.. and i am willing to face the consequences of my actions, but im battling my conscience at the moment
Anyone else been in a similar situation? If so what happened? What do, brehs?
>inb4 beta not getting his dick wet at the first chance
Nah, never had a problem with it and two of my exes were a bit shorter than me, none of them have ever complained about their height too. But yes, ocassionally some gals and guys says that I'd never get a bf because of my height and because I'm a bit tomboyish. Didn't care about it, lol.
In my country the average man has 5'7, the woman 5'4, and im 5'8.
Girls, imagine this. You've met up with this classmate a few times, but you're very busy with your studies these past weeks. So busy, that you asked the guy to postpone your next date together a few weeks. He's okay with it.
A few days pass, and then he asks you if you want to spend the day you'd initially meet up studying together.
Is it inappropriate to ask? I want to see her again, but I don't want to seem too needy by persisting too much.
Girls, how do you handle unrelenting hate towards another female acquaintance? This bitch is driving me up a wall. Generally I just ignore her, but recently I found out she decided to book a vacation to the same destination as me and we're on the same flight + attending the same event during this trip. FML, wat do?
How to differenciate between politeness/friendliness and attraction?
I have a gf, but there's this chick I'm a bit susceptible to and she is always kinda near me in class, sometimes throws signals like "showing her neck" and going out of her way to say my name at the end of sentences.
Girls: has your boyfriend ever bought you lingerie? What did you say? What would you say or think if he did?
This Christmas will be the first one with my girlfriend and by that point we will have been dating for three months. One facet of our relationship is an intimate sexual relationship. The weekend before Christmas, I'm cooking her a romantic dinner and she's going to be staying over in my apartment (we will be alone) for two nights. It's going to be an amazing weekend, I have a ton planned, but I was thinking about the gifts I want to get her.
I was thinking of doing a play on, like, "naughty or nice," and getting her jewelry of some kind to fulfill the "nice" part and then buying her lingerie as the "naughty" part. I think she'll find this cute but I don't know if that's just my horny inner man talking.
What do you think?