I have a lot of friends who are like Harry.
I know he likes me, and I've made it very clear to him that I am only interested in a friendship with him. He agrees to stay "just friends", but speaks to me like this.
They send me flowers and letters, and ask to hang out one on one "just as friends".
The thing is, this makes me uncomfortable. They're acting like we're in a relationship, but that's expressly what I wanted to avoid.
I've mentioned several times that the way he speaks to me is over-affectionate and makes me feel uncomfortable, but at this point I've already corrected him so many times that It's easier just to thank him and move on.
I can't "ghost" these friends and just put space between us because then they call asking if I'm mad at them, and wondering why we can't just be friends.
TLDR: nice boys who want to be my friend keep taking it too far and make me uncomfortable. Is there a way for me to stop the lovey dovey stuff without losing them as friends/being a total bitch.
They're not going to stop. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and creepy. And you're being a complete shithead by letting it continue. You cannot provide what they want, and you're stringing them along under the guise of "keeping a friend." Stop that shit. You don't NEED them as friends. You shouldn't want them as friends. Because they are not friends. They are desperate shitheads who are trying to hide their true motives. They don't want you as a friend. They want to fuck you. And the moment you tell them to fuck off, it will be very clear to you that they don't want to be friends. They too were stringing you along this whole time.
So stop it with this stupid shit. Get some real friends. i.e. people who have no romantic interest in you, who don't do over the top shit to gain your favor. True friends are there for you and like to be around you, but they do not compliment you on a daily basis, nor do they go out of their way to accommodate you. Go get real friends. Independent friends.
>Is there a way for me to stop the lovey dovey stuff without losing them as friends
No. They will never be your friends.
>being a total bitch
In their minds. No matter what you do, they WILL be reduced to posting frogs on /r9k/. But why do you care? They're duplicitous jabronis who just want to fuck you. So don't worry about what they might think.
No, there isn't. If those guys are as fixated as you say they are, they'll keep coming after you until you either cave in or drop em.
I recommend telling them exactly what you said or something along the lines of "The lovey dovey shit makes me uncomfortable. I want to be your friend but not if you keep coming off like that."
Some will, understand, some will get mad and some will get sad. It's better you draw a line now and make a decision.
Now tell me this, what exactly do you get out of their friendship? Why are you still friends with Harry if he treats you like a trophy? Do you legitimately have no choice or do you like the compliments?
Maybe I didn't make it clear in my original post- I have CLEARLY told them that I am not interested in ANY romantic relationship with them.
I have made it abundantly clear friendship is the only level that I am comfortable with from them.
I've not been stringing anyone along. I have clearly rejected him and these other boys several times.
I have plenty of plutonic guy friends who don't hit on me, which is why I can tell that these particular guy friends are acting wierd and creepy.
I don't want to have to be a bitch, here.
I've already rejected these boys- do I have to literally block their numbers or tell them to stop talking to me? They're nice, I just wish they'd cool it with the compliments. I am not going to be the bitch in this situation.
>I love you friend
>No matter what you do, they WILL be reduced to posting frogs on /r9k/.
This. You're not being a bitch by laying down the truth and then rejecting their friendship because they continue to make you feel uncomfortable. But you probably won't avoid them thinking you're a bitch for not eventually going out with them. They're either going to wise up (which they haven't), turn on you, or keep acting like creeps.
Are you seeing anyone currently? Sometimes these guys stay your "friend" right up until you start dating somebody else, and then they have a meltdown.
No, I'm not dating anyone else.
But again, I've made it clear that I'm not interested in a relationship with them. They KNOW this- I've already rejected them. Are they just delusional?
>I how these guys treat me
>but I cant just cut them off
Fuck you OP. Either you enjoy the validation, attention, and possibly money these orbiters give you or you cut them off. There is no in-between.
I've been this guy. Clung to a girl creepily for 7 years before we were separated and I was forced to move on. I still have feelings for her, but I can't act on them.
Don't let that guy be me. Let him move on.
The only thing keeping me from ripping their hearts out is compassion.They're nice guys and they don't deserve to be straight up ignored for no reason. They deserve to have a clear grasp of the situation, which I gave them when I clearly rejected them. But I would much rather myself feel occasionally uncomfortable than them plummet into the depths of robotism.
These boys have nothing to offer me that I don't already have.
Yes. Somebody might've told them "if you ask a girl out and she says no, just keep trying" and they believed it. I mean, just look at how many movies where that shit pays off and the main character always gets the girl in the end. It is ingrained in their consciousness that their persistence will eventually pay off. For them, it's not over until you have married another man, or died.
They might not really think you're capable of making a decision for yourself and that you just need to be "taught" how much better being with them would be. They also generally can't comprehend why anyone would choose to be alone since loneliness is suffering for them.
These are all generalizations and may not apply to some individuals. But generally this seems to be how these types are, I think.
Why is it my responsibility to be the bitch here?
I have already rejected him clearly. I have met my social obligations by clearly communicating that I am not attracted to him.
It just pisses me off that I'm literally forced to be a bitch for his own good.
That damages my image of myself, which pisses me off.
I don't want to be one of those stuck up bitches who won't even be friends with a guy.
Being a bitch means getting in their face, insulting them, etc.
Ceasing to respond to their messages is not bitchy. It's a better use of your time.
Stop shitting up this board if you're going to sit there and make excuses. None of them are good and you're being retarded.
>they don't deserve to be straight up ignored for no reason
There is a reason to ignore them, though. They're not being nice. They are being douchebags that disrespect your feelings by ignoring your request for them to treat you reasonably. This behavior is patronizing and degrading and you shouldn't encourage it.
Like that other anon asked, what exactly do you even get out of maintaining contact with them at all?
They clearly aren't interested in you as a friend and you're coming up pretty short on reasons why you feel the need to continue interacting with them in any capacity.
You're telling me that ignoring someone isn't bitchy?
If you walked up to a girl on the subway and asked her how her day was going, and she flat out ignored you, that would be even more bitchy than her telling you to leave her alone, because she feels like you're not even worth the effort that it takes to communicate back.
I appreciate your advice- but I'm looking for a way to stop them from gushing over me without damaging my image of myself by acting like a bitch.
They're actually good friends. They are there for me when I am sad, they're fun and add to a group dynamic, they introduce me to cool new things.
It's everything like normal friends- they just also occasionally say something that is a little too flattering
As a guy it's tough to put myself in your shoes because the sexes really are so different, but I guess you just have to repeatedly make clear your intentions. Maybe we're different, but I can't even imagine being in a 'friendship' like that. Oh well, I suppose that's an evolutionary difference between males and females. Females will gladly use non-sexual partners as protection for themselves and their offspring by other men.
OP, you seem pretty convinced that if you try to give these guys the boot and stop talking to them it would make you a bitch. But it wouldn't. What you're doing now is being an enabler, by allowing your friends to practice bad behavior and acting like it's acceptable. This is a far worse thing to do than to be a good friend and call out your friends' bullshit by refusing to put up with it. Enabling them is being a bad friend, and what's worse is you're encouraging them to think it's okay for people to treat other women this way too.
I guess I understand what you guys are saying- that I'm actually being more bitchy by enabling them than I would by ignoring them.
I enjoy their friendship, but I'd give that up if it meant that their quality of life could be improved? I just want to make sure this is the right choice. Is it possible that they'd meet someone else and then a friendship between them and me WOULDNT be as wierd? What if I hooked them up with some of my sorority sisters or something? Could I keep them as plutonic friends if they were no longer interested in pursuing me romantically?
from what we can see here they seem less like friends and more like they're trying to get in your pants.
a normal conversation between friends isn't a one sided barrage of compliments. if you enjoy their friendship as shown, you're just enjoying his affection.
the best choice is to hang out with people not attracted to you, nothing will be hidden. friends don't put friends on pedestals!
If you want to go through all the effort of making them a desirable human being so that they can get laid, by all means. Based on that laughably terrible string of texts, you've got more than enough work cut out for you.
Guys in relationships also can't hang out with their single female friends too often or else it starts looking weird for entirely different reasons. There's likely no easy answer to the problem that makes everyone happy at that end of the day.
It depends on them, honestly. There's a chance they've only been giving you the time of day because they thought there was a chance of getting in your pants, and they'll drop you if they get over that. There's also a chance they have potential to be more genuine friends if they weren't so desperate to get laid or even if they just grew up a little. Unfortunately there's no way to tell until they either nut up and realize they've been acting like jerks, or reveal that they're secretly ten times the jerks they're being now.
But either way you're not doing them or anybody else any favors by letting things continue as they are.
It's not really dependent on sex as much as it is dependent on attraction. For example, I put my female friends and my non attractive male friends in the same catagory- they're unattractive friends. They're there for me through thick and thin, we talk about ideas and help eachother grow as people, and we hang out and go do stuff- but there's no sexual element to our relationship.
Guys who I find attractive are a different catagory all together.
I think the trouble arises when one friend finds the other attractive, and catagorizes them in the "attractive friend" catagory, and the other friend catagorizes their friend in the "unattractive" catagory. Then, the two people are pursuing two diffrent types of relationships, and things get messy. It would be the same case between a gay man with a crush on his male friend, and a straight guy who only sees his gay friend as a bro.
Well that brief texting exchange wasn't an accurate representation of our relationship.
I don't even consider guys who just compliment me like that as "friends".
The guys I'm talking about are quality friends, who also sometimes take things so far. They're not your typical beta orbiters- they have interests and activities, plenty of other girls who are interested in them, and are fun to be around. I'm simply not physically attracted to them. But they are hilarious and add a lot to the dynamic of my friend group when we all hang out. I genuinely enjoy their company as human beings- I'm not interested in them for the attention they show me. That's the exact problem- they show me too much attention and it makes me uncomfortable. I wish they were less fixated on me specifically.
I don't see what the issue is. They're into you, you know it. Their attention is worth the discomfort of that knowledge, so what's the big deal. There's a market, and supply and demand will regulate themselves. If you want to be a good person, tell them point blank what isn't going to happen. Sure you can try to set them up with other girls, but that sounds like a pain in the ass for someone you know mainly wants your body.
Having been caught in someone's orbit someone once, and having had girls orbit me. There's no real way to get them to stop orbiting if they're that far gone.
By the way, just thought I'd let you know, "plutonic" is a type of rock formation found in the center of the earth.
"platonic" is a friendship that is non-sexual.
I know this isn't at all what you meant, but when I read your texts, my first thought was: "Plutonic eh? So she wants him to keep orbiting her like a planet?" xD. It gave me a good chuckle.
Best of luck!
You should be clear and very honest with them. Tell them you're uncomfortable with it and see what happens after.
Had an orbiter. Was my best friend for a long time then he pulled this "I'm in love with you" fuckery out of no where. I tried being polite but it didn't work. He always asked why despite I was dating my fiance at the time. It eventually got to the point where I sat him down and explained the exact hows and whys I would never date him. Eventually we stopped talking because he continued on with it. There are times where I miss our old friendship but I did what was healthy for myself.
there was a great prohfet by the name of chris rock who said: ever since you was 13 every guy been trying to fuck ya, anytime he bein nice he offering the D.
the soundbyte from when harry met sally movie should suffice here: men and women cant be friends because the sex part always gets in the way....
>He always asked why
God, I hate that.
>Why won't you date me?
Because I'm just not into you that way.
>But WHY though?
Every single response followed by another why, like that game children play, only perfectly serious. It's maddening.
just be assertive. correct them a bit more sternly. or, come to the realization that these people are not interested in friendship, and are in fact only keeping in contact in an (rather tactless) attempt to fuck you. unfortunately, this is the case 90% of the time. do you really want to be friends with someone like that?
Nah, not true. I've got female friend's who I think are legit attractive, but that I'd never sleep with.
My best friend is actually a girl, and while we've hooked up before (both drunk, bored, horny, and single, and just said why not), I've never really entertained romantic thoughts about her, and nor has she for I. When I met someone else, we just stopped, and the thing is we became closer friends after, because by then we'd seen each other laid bare, figuratively and literally.
Sex is just sex, and you don't at all have to let it control you.
Just have sex with him once and make it terrible on purpose. Ridicule him for small dick/whatever.
>implying you don't want to screw him
I've bet you've screwed random Chad Thundercocks in your life. Just consider this a Chad. Get it over with and you can drop him out of your life.
PS: Men don't want to be "friends" with women. If we want friends, we find a group of men to hang out with. We don't want to be your tampon or "best buddy". You have women for that.
Because it's about you.
>you want friends
>you want people to talk to
>you want to feel better about yourself
But yea, fuck his needs. He's just there for you girl. He needs to do as you say.
Truthfully, you should marry one of those three because you'll be able to drain them for every penny. Better yet, marry and divorce all three one by one. You won't even have to work a day in your life. Pick the most beta, let him diddle you some, pop out a kid or two (18 years of financial aid), divorce him, take his shit, repeat process.
unfortunatley it is. its a fact of life.plus how do you know for a fact the love of your life isnt one of these friends?
for him to be your BFF and more first you have to see if he is right for you. forget these white knights who come in waving thier sword (dick) around trying to defend your honor.
those are people who shouldnt be worthy of your time.
well said. with a problem though give it to a man once and he will want to go there again unless its the worst screw he has ever had.
I'm surprised he didn't pick apart every item on your list with some kind of excuse or a plea to give him a chance to change each individual aspect of himself listed, as though it would change anything.
What the fuck is this shit? I don't see how she's being a bitch, ignorant to the fact friendship probably needs to stop given people lack maturity yes.
Bitchy with no humanity? No. You're a confirmed retard
It's not true. I have plenty of friends who are platonic. They're not attracted to me and I am not attracted to them, so it's not difficult.
I abstain from sex for religious reasons.
They know this about me, so I don't know why they'd still pursue me if all they were interested in was fucking me, since I've never had sex before.
Trust me, it works. I had this issue in high school.
>infatuated with girl
>she'd never go out with me
>met her a few years after HS
>I was doing good for myself, apparently she wasn't
>we had sex
>she didn't tell me she had two kids (including a mixed one)
>sex was horrible, worst in my life
>a decade of built-up excitement turned into something I still regret today
>I wonder why I ever liked her
Haven't talked to her in over five years and don't plan on talking to her ever again, but I can tell you I was clamoring for her almost daily from the time we graduated from HS until I ran into her at a store a couple of years later. She tries adding me on facebook once or twice a year trying to "rekindle". I found someone who was appreciative of my time from day one and am much happier.
These boys are in for a hard reality check when they finally realize you're a horrible human being that would make a terrible wife. You can speed that process along, or not. Your choice.
Notice how she wants to keep "HER" friendships. It's never about her friends, but her. She wants this and that without considering the wants of her "friends".
Fact is, she is using these poor boys because no girl is going to put up with her bullshit, and no alpha male is going to tolerate her whining.
Okay, well buttsex and blowjobs then. I'm in the deep south and every ultra religious girl I knew that "abstained" was down for that. Used to fool around with the Bob Jones University hoes. Biggest freaks in town and all of them were good little Christians.
? Why the harsh tone here? Please don't project your frustrations on me when they're not applicable.
Also, I'm finishing my last two years of undergrad with the intent of continuing on to dental school. If anyone would lose money in a divorce, it would be me.
I actually enjoy work. I'm not interested in taking advantage of someone when I'm more than capable of earning it myself.
Anyone who is mentally sound will put their feelings first. You forget her feelings matter just ad much as theirs. Stop self projeting, its disgusting. They agreed to be friends, they need to be honest with themselves, given shes already been hknest from the get go.
Because you need the harsh tone, honey. You have a lot to learn about men.
>I'm not interested in taking advantage of someone when I'm more than capable of earning it myself.
You're already taking advantage of these boys you're complaining about. Why not step your game up? Take their money, pit them against each other, have some fun with it. You gotta drive these boys insane, not to the point of suicide or anything, but you have to break their will like putting a slave in chains.
Your only alternative is to hook them up with other women. Maybe you have some fat friends or something?
Kinda wanna know what you said for personal reasons.
Was seeing this girl for a while when she finally told me she didn't feel anything and I asked why. She just said she didn't know, but I kept asking. Never got a concrete answer. I feel like I could use the perspective because reading that shit made me cringe about it hard
Why are you projecting so hard? Am I supposed to put aside my own interests for the good of these boys who won't even respect my boundaries? I don't owe them anything- i WANT to offer them friendship. I'm being a lot more considerate of their feelings than they are being of mine.
I've never done anything more than kiss. I'm actually christian, not pseudo christian. Sex itself isn't evil or immoral, but the lust that comes with adultery and sex before marriage is what I'd like to avoid. Kissing is as far as I'm willing to go before marriage, as I don't want to become a slave to my desire. Oral sex, fondleing, and sodomy are just as sinful as premarital sex to me- it all falls in the same catagory of lust.
>They agreed to be friends,
Did he sign a contract? No? He never agreed to nothing. It's all a game to the desired resolution: a relationship.
And you see how well honesty has worked out for her. I used to be one of these dudes. Honesty doesn't work. You have to break their will. "Being friends" is always a stepping stone to "a relationship" regardless of what she says.
How is he a friend? Are women really so insecure that they need those stock answers and pandering to feel good? Maybe he makes you feel good, but after your next serious conversation with him, ask yourself if you could have had the conversation with yourself. If yes, that's not a good friend....
Actually there m8, the thing is that many people are in relationships with women who weren't interested in them at first. I'm one of them. My girlfriend went from interested to not, time and time again while I was pursuing her. Now we're talking about moving in together. People change their minds all the time, so your sheltered, cynical "people can't be worn down" shpiel is total bullshit. My suggestion to OP is that she take a second look at the nice guys who are interested in her, and WHY she isn't interested. Either that or stop leading them on. I know she's claiming she does the opposite but fuck, guys eventually give up when they're shown a locked door. Nothing keeps us trying like the idea that she might be interested someday. That's what worked for me at least. Just saying.
You're right that I have a lot to learn about men, but I don't think I'm taking advantage of them in this situation. I've openly rejected them and told them that I am not interested in a relationship. They told ME that they are happy just being friends with me.
How am I taking advantage of them if they're the ones who are openly making choices here? No one is making them stick around and be my friend, and I've already made it clear how I feel?
You're really not though. Through friendship, you are offering them a false sense of hope. These are emotionally fragile people that you're taking advantage of, whether you realize it or not. Like having an elderly lady sign a Will under false pretenses.
You don't owe them anything, true, but you'd be better off giving them a little something. It's like hedging your bets. Sometimes it's best to bet a little on the other team to guarantee some kind of favorable outcome.
Since the whole sex thing is that important to you, okay, don't fuck 'em. But you gotta have a slut friend or two that rides cock for sport. Hook 'em up. That will get them off your back, guaranteed. Put them on another woman to deal with.
Inb4butthurt betas but sure.
-I'm in a relationship. I'm very happy despite it not being perfect.
-I'm not sexually attracted to you.
> u dont hav 2 b sexually attracted 2 sum1 to luv them.
-yes you do. I don't care how mean this is, but this is a fundamental requirement. Beauty in the eye of the beholder.
-You sit on your ass as a dropout playing videogames thinking you'll make it in the industry.
-no real life experience. Aka no job, no attempt in an interview, etc. Lives off trust fund. Badically a lazy fatass.
-doesn't emotionally or intellectually stimulate me.
He got really asshurt sbout the physical aspect but sometimes there is just no chemistry. My fiance isn't 6''5 with rippling abs. He's barely 5'7 with a gut but he makes me laugh and discusses philosophy with me. There was just nothing pleasing sexually or romantically about my ex friend.
I had to deal with him asking and me trying to explain for months before he finally began to cut it out, and I'm still not sure if he ever really understood. It's like trying to explain to someone why you're not gay, or why you prefer apples to oranges. If you're not into someone, you're not into someone. I shouldn't have to make up an excuse like his dick isn't big enough or I don't like his jokes or some other superficial bullshit, I just don't like him that way. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that know girls that they just wouldn't be interested in dating, so I don't get why this is a hard concept to understand.
He's a good friend in a lot of ways.
He and some other friends came to visit me when I was hit by a drunk driver and had to go to the hospital. He opens my mind to new perspectives and ways of thinking when we discuss current events. He taught me how to longboard and how to shoot a gun. We have lots of inside jokes and good memories together. Stuff like that. He's just a good pal.
>They told ME that they are happy just being friends with me.
Not like we're known to not lie or anything.
>How am I taking advantage of them if they're the ones who are openly making choices here? No one is making them stick around and be my friend, and I've already made it clear how I feel?
Yes, but it's clear you want to keep them as "friends". You've got two choices: scare them away or force them away. Otherwise it'll continue to be a problem.
Sorry if you didn't want it, but that's one of the perks of being a woman in today's society.
>They know this about me, so I don't know why they'd still pursue me if all they were interested in was fucking me, since I've never had sex before.
Because they are either:
The weird, "So pure!" types
because they're the same type of guy I regularly have to peel off my best friend because they instant they hear that she's gay, it's like their brain switches to conquest, "It's a challenge" mode.
But given that the message you showed us, very probably the former.
>"Emotionally fragile people"
They're not. These boys, as I said earlier, are normal. They have girls who have crushes on them, they play sports and have hobbies, etc.
Also on principle- it is not my duty or responsibility to make these boys decisions for them and live their lives for them. They are responsible for their own actions and decisions. They are not like children or the elderly who are biologically less capable of proper decision making- they are young adult males in the prime of their life.
And yes, I do think I'll hook them up with my sorority sisters and maybe that will get them to focus their affection elsewhere. But again, these boys arnt just looking for sweet lays- they have plenty of sex. They're looking for love and companionship.
> I'm sure there are plenty of guys that know girls that they just wouldn't be interested in dating, so I don't get why this is a hard concept to understand.
If there is zero chance of getting pussy or some other reason to keep them involved (ex: job promotion, friend's girl, willing to give me money, hook me up with slutty friends, etc), then no, I don't maintain friendships with such people. They're of no strategic use to me.
>He's a good friend in a lot of ways.
Because he wants to be with you.
>He and some other friends came to visit me when I was hit by a drunk driver and had to go to the hospital.
Because he wants to be with you.
>He opens my mind to new perspectives and ways of thinking when we discuss current events.
Because he wants to be with you.
>He taught me how to longboard and how to shoot a gun.
Because he wants to be with you, and his interests in guns shows that he's a "manly man" and can protect you, further trying to increase his prospects of, you guessed it, BEING WITH YOU.
>We have lots of inside jokes and good memories together.
BECAUSE. HE. WANTS. TO. BE. WITH. YOU.
>He's just a good pal.
Did I mention it's because he wants to be with you?
Ever play chess? That's what this is. He's moving his pawns around trying to capture your heart piece by piece. When he sees you in the hospital, he wants you to know he'll be there for you, you know, in a relationship. He's "opening you up" to new ideas because he wants you to think that way, so you have things in common, so you'll be more attracted to him.
This is all simple shit. He's playing a game and you are the prize, and until you end the game, he's going to try his best to win the level.
remember this not everybody has a moral compass, its up to you to work out who is worthy of your time. have you told them you are a christian girl and you are practising abstinence?
you have answered your own question. you want to stay a tomboy. guys have guy time with other guys. not girls just you have girl time with your friends.
expecting a guy in his 20s to still do the things he did with girls when he was 8 is unrealistic.
guys usually mature by the time they are 25+
and they start thinking about settling down.
You know, if they're otherwise successful people, it's possible they're just trying to pop that cherry. You're a woman so you wouldn't understand, but there's something powerful about being the first to plow the field. Bragging to your friends, knowing that girl will remember you until she dies, etc.
Lots of power. Big ole thrill out of having that kind of control over a woman. Fun. Hard to get would just make it that much more satisfying.
I meant like, maybe a coworker or classmate if not an actual friend. But
>They're of no strategic use to me.
Jesus christ, how callous. Do you measure the use of same gendered friends or family members judging by strategic value as well?
There are multiple things to be gathered from human relationships.
I desire friendship from my female friends and my platonic male friends and I still put in a LOT of effort to make sure they know they are loved and appreciated by me.
This particular relationship started as a friendship. He wasn't interested in my romantically at first, but then his "goal" shifted when he started to like me. Then, realizing that his new "goal" couldn't be accomplished, he wants to salvage our friendship since he originally enjoyed that in the first place.
I agree that he is Nice to me because he wants to be with me, but he was also nice to me when he just wanted friendship with me.
>op is Helen of theta
Ok there's your well-baited compliment
But in seriousness, I don't know what's up with "these boys." It makes no sense that they're popular, get a lot of pussy, and devote this much time to you. I feel like either you're overstating their interest in you or their success elsewhere. Whatever the case, tell them point blank you don't enjoy having their romantic affection, and you don't want to be friends if they can't be around you without giving their romantic affection. If they get a bunch of pussy and play sports they'll be absolutely fine hearing that.
Yes. I keep friends as long as they're beneficial and then I go elsewhere, with two exceptions. You gotta keep a few road homies if you ever do something illegal or something and need an alibi or helping hand, but usually you can dump people on the wayside and upgrade.
Family members are completely different, because that's a blood bond. You can't replicate that.
Yes, he knows.
But that's not true. I have other guy friends who are platonic and who don't like me romantically.
It's simply not true to say that men and women cannot be friends- it is a matter of attraction rather than a gender based divide.
I am I attracted to some of my male friends in the same way that I am unattracted to my female friends, and the same could be said from a male perspective. In the same vain, a male who was gay and attracted to a heterosexual male friend would cause similar problems to a male being attracted to his female friend.
>He wasn't interested in my romantically at first
I hope you don't think that. Every girl I've ever been "friends" with, I knew I wanted to date/fuck/marry/whatever the moment I laid eyes on her.
He wanted to salvage the "friendship" because it gives him another opportunity down the road. It's typical addiction behavior.
Some people (like me) love gambling. Others love drinking. Some love a particular woman who doesn't reciprocate. We'll keep playing until we can't play no more, win or lose.
I see right through you. Maybe OP it's time to come down from that pedestal you place yourself on. This guy is obviously not taking the >"lets be platonic"
thing they we you seem to think he is. First of all he's treating it like a game of she's only pretending she's not interested but she actually wants me. Your a complete dumbass if you think bragging about him liking you and simply calling him >cool yourself in text is going to stop this. You're egging him on and the only way to stop it is to NOT BE FRIENDS WITH HIM!
They're not being nice, they're being sneaky. They want to fuck you and they think they can worm their way in by flattering you. They aren't your friends, they're trying to find a loophole in your idea of friendship and trick you into dating them.
They aren't respecting your boundaries despite repeated requests. That's not the behaviour of a friend. Cut the fuckers loose. If you have real friends who don't pull this shit, you don't need these idiots.
I was actually that guy Harry for a while and I really do feel bad for acting like an idiot to some really nice girls, but ah well. I've learned from my mistakes so I'm confident I won't pull that kind of shit again and if I flatter someone it'll just be by connecting the dots in convo.
>I'm very thankfull of that but....
here's the problem I guess.
It'd work much better to be clear immediatly
>Harry, dude wtf, cut thit lovey dovey crap 'mkay! It's kinda pissing me off! you don't say that shit to your bros right?
perhaps then ad some of that nuance and deeper explanation, but talk like a bro if you want to be treated lik one.
Let me hit you with it straight.
Men and women dont usually have platonic relationships, like... 99% of the time its not platonic.
So basically, stop being friends with them, if they are a guy who is your friend who ISNT already fucking a hotter girl or 3, AND you happen to be particularly interesting then they are hanging around waiting for you to fuck them.
Its hard to deal with the reality of this when you first come to understand it but its the truth.
Jesus. Of course men and women can be friends. I have several female friends who I have been close with for years. But, I do not find my female friends attractive sexually. I believe that for the friendship to work there has to be a degree of physical distaste between the friends. Just enough to ensure that sexual feelings don't arise.
OP I suspect you are attractive and I am afraid that these dudes are just not really going to hear you when you tell them that you're not interested. Sure they will nod and say that they understand, but basically they are just doing anything to be near you. Beauty is a big advantage but it does have some drawbacks, and this problem is one of those.
Look OP, don't do this to him and don't do this to yourself. Be open and up front with it and just say "look, you're getting real clingy and it's starting to creep me out". The sooner he hears that, the sooner he'll live you alone and the sooner he can learn from it and work on not being creepy to other girls out there. I know you don't want to be a bitch but sometimes, being a bitch is the only some people will learn.
this convo here is really creepy. he is calling you girlfriend, not friend.
do you really not see that he is just in a realy dumb and creepy way trying to set himself up closer to you?
And you tell him you know it is platonic ( written like this btw) and if he maybe could tone it a bit down? Girl, with this text you know it is not platonic for him. He is fixated on you and seriously believes that if he is always nice and telling you he loves you ( "platonic" rofl), that maybe you will grow to love him , too.
He is beeing manipulative,
he is a little bitch with now self worth, seriously.
he is annoying you with it and does not stop.
You are not telling anything clearly with your answer to a message like this.
next time tell him in clear words he needs tto stop call you girlfriend and that he loves you. that is not acceptabel. And that he needs to shut down this shit and get a girlfriend. That is not you.
do jnot ever take presents like flowers from him again. tell him so.
If you want to take them, maybe you want this kind of affection, than you need to think about what you want.
These guys are the worst kind of creepy loosers and you can just help them better themselves if you are brútally honest.
And you sound like a total pushover who cannot say no , or express a strong opinion.
Change that, it will your life better and people who really care still will like you.
But now you stopped beeing clear.
you told them how it is, they ignore it. that is inacceptable.
Do not ask them to respect the boundaries, order them. be blunt. they trie get more lovely-dovely with every message. telling you it is meant platonic.
And every single time they lie to you. that is not beeing nice. that is fucked up.
just answer everytime, and i mean really everytime, with something direct like "cut the shit out , i`m not your and told you it will not happen." No maybes, no could yous, no please.
Taht is not beeing a bitch, that is beeing upfront and honest. these guys are a problem for you and standing up for yourself is not beeing mean.
these guy need to learn that that or they will stay loosers forever.
>s there a way for me to stop the lovey dovey stuff without losing them as friends/being a total bitch.
They need time and distance, so that their feelings have a chance to cool. There is no other way; your constant presence in their lives is reopening the old wounds, which keeps the pain and the feelings fresh. You mean well, but this arrangement just isn't going to work out. It never does.
I am sorry, OP, but there is no other way. You need to give them time and distance. You may even need to force time and distance upon some of them. And while this doesn't need to be forever, in practice it will probably turn out that way for most of them.
don't be a bitch, just be a bro!
what would harries male friends say if he talked to them like that?
>would you pwease be more plutonic?
>Dude wtf? cut that shit!
if he's all confused about that just explain
>treat me like your male friends or fuck off
though it seems like you are sort of enjoying the attention or something cuz the above seems so obvious.
Putting some distance between you too is the best you can do. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that he's a good friend, he clearly likes you a lot and would love to have you as his girlfriend. Trust me, he'll probably>>16431625
never stop but learn to contain his feelings.
I think I used to be a little bit like that guy when I was younger. Just don't give him anything to work with man. If someone comes up to you in the street, fuck, even if a friend starts talking to you in a way you don't like, just disengage.
That said though, from what I've read it sounds like you're being fair and honest with him. Keep on doing that. Don't be afraid to 'hurt his feelings' or whatever bullshit - at the end of the day you've gotta be strong in these situations or it snowballs into some way worse shit.
I never get why some people are so eager to remain friends with shitty people. Just make new friends. It's not difficult.
If they were spectacularly interesting, fun and kind people then I'd get it. It seems unlikely that is the case most of the time.
I used to be a clingy guy like the ones you are dealing with. Best is to be very mean, honest and to cut them off. The relationship in his head is toxic and he can't severe the ties on his own. Chances are you are being nice as fuck which is why they still talk to you. And no, you can't just keep them as friends clearly they can't handle it.
Isn't that them taking advantage of her then? Pretending to be okay with being friends because she was naive enough to believe it. Guys and girls can be friends, so it's not completely out there. They're just taking advantage of her being unsure and not outspoken enough to tell them to fuck off.
>don't give him anything to work with
That works better as a plan B than the "right" way to deal with it. They're desperate enough to keep pushing through radio silence, unless you first make clear how you feel about it.
>they WILL be reduced to posting frogs on /r9k/