Other thread maxed out so here's a new one
Tell me your secrets /b/! greentext stories are welcome as are pics related if any.
Bumping with saucy redheads as always.
Also if you post your dick with a heart drawn on it I will write what you request on my body.
my makeshift newspaper tampons?
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE ANON
nah unless someone explicitly asks me advice again
Posted this in a different thread that started about banging teachers, wasn't exactly on topic but I shared in there, two years ago when I was 16 I banged my friend's mom. Pic related.
Sure okay. Let's run down the list of how mine is more original.
>You just played off my joke
>Mine explores themes of mortality while your's is just "MUH VAGINA"
>Your's maintains more or less the same twist as the joke being parodied so therefore is less surprising to someone hearing the joke and half of what makes a joke funny is surprise.
>Women aren't funny.
fucking loled, I had to google titillate and ocelot!! wtf...
Lets explain why you're wrong
>your joke is not your joke you did not write it
>mine is one I came up with on the spot
Okay so i dont know how to green text but here's my secret
>go out with gf for 10 months
>Been kissng and fucking fucking girls the whole time
>about 6 months with, she gets raped, dunno what to do and get paranoid. Start yelling at her abd shit
>Bitch unfriends dude
>still fucking other girl
Im a piece of insecure shit, whatever.
>have neighbor that is a boy
>we hide in bushes in the back yard and touch each others weiners
>kiss each others penises and dick lips
>i try and fuck his butt but we dont know what to do
>still get hard thinking of it today
>straight male now
now show me your fucking feet OP
Yo OP! What do you do for living, goddammit?
>sonja is my favorite
>she waist some time on date site
>I really like her.
I broke up with my ex cause she wanted to have a threesome with some nigger. There were other reasons, but that one was the straw that broke the camels back
I've been having dreams where someone I used to know keeps showing up in them for the past 3 weeks. I'm not sure why. I'd talk to them, but I'm a faggot and have no idea how to go about it.
I told someone I was going to rape their toddler over the Internet, then lied saying I was hacked and that it wasn't me when they tried getting the police involved.
I failed 3 community college classes cause of personal problems and cause I'm a fucking moron, and lied and made it look like I didn't fail with the power of inspect element. I plan on making them up before I transfer and without hopefully revealing I lied about it.
>perry is a nice guy
>but sometime, he is a complet jackass
>it's bad perry, Bad!
TFW you failed at drawing a heart... Now I have a shitty heart on my dick. I can't get it all off....
well I like them, I feel like I can actually get somewhat close to how it felt when I first started smoking. I'd like to get a rig someday soon
Yo slut write "Cage Kennylz shits on Eminem" across your fucking ass.
>be 18, gf 19
>live together with plans to get married, dating for a few years
>gf is a little kinky, asks how I want to experiment tonight. I tell her I'll think of something
>bad day at work, forget to even consider
>get home, rummaging for dinner, "did you think of anything Anon? "
>realize she'll be upset, considering options when I notice carrot in vegetable drawer
>bring out carrot, and she smiles. Asks me to clean and peel it, she'll be waiting
>clean carrot, peel it, round the small end. Realize to my concern that large end is bigger than my Johnson, might hurt her
>start with small end, she moans and says she likes how weird the cold feels inside
>"is that the big end Anon?"
>tell her it isn't
>"try the other way"
At first it won't fit, and I tell her. She reached back and forced herself onto in (she was on her knees, doggy), and moaned like a complete slut
I watched as her skin pulled tight and inside her with every thrust a I took back control. She was shaking and panting
I reached for her clit, and it was being raked against the carrot by the sheer fact of how stretched she was
Before I could even touch her, she started humping the carrot like an animal. She kept going and started making noises I'd never heard before until she came and feel on the bed
She claimed when we broke up that this was her favorite sex thing we did together, I know it was because it was so big by comparison
I've never told anyone /b/
I'll give you a clue, it involves people.
>be me, working with my collegue in office
>hard day working, im super focused
>in comes intern, 8/10 qt3.14, black hair, dark eyes, slender body, she a dreamfuck for all working staff.
>she been bothering us all day with same questions over and over.
>i was too concentrated with my work but in the background i hear my collegue yell at her:"TITS OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE."
>intern doesn’t flinch
>she stare at my collegue for like 10seconds
>i notice cunning plan forming in her head…see it in the eyes
>seems like hours before she reacted
>suddenly she lifts up her blouse and bra at same time. Out comes these perky C-sized Bongo’s.
>instaboner times two. Office feels suddenly warm and too small.
>now our turn to be shocked.
>she give big defiant look at both of us while putting her blouse back on. "you boys will help me from now on with everything i want or i tell the boss"
>intern leaves with evil glint in her eye.
>i look at my collegue and i say:"didnt know you were a /b/ro
>”myeh, 4chan is ok and this was just like a reflex” he says like a true boss.
>he like a spartan warrior who just murdered predator.
>i say:"oh man, we slaves to her now.”
>collegue:"no fucks given, we have free titties tnx to /b/ if we play it right we get to see more of them"
>this was 6 years ago and since that moment it was (and still is) a wild ride. my department became much like the island in the hunger games to my collegue.
thank you /b/ we love you and oh yea my secret:
i’ve send my cum in an envelope to the teacher of my kid, because she called him a retard. The lad was only 3 years old. fast forward 5 years. Turns out my kid wasnt retarted at all and has highest grades of his class. Fuck that kindergarten bitch. Anyways nobody found out it was me who send her that. not even my wife who is a close friend of her. Although she said it had a familiar smell. (thinking: what the hell? you two been smelling that shit????!!)
not really embarrassing. I felt like a piece of shit afterwards though.
>be at party with best friend and his insanely attractive qt3.14 gf (9.8/10)
they had become really close friends after breaking up
>sitting at round table, smoking with everyone else
>his ex and me has been flirting all night
>she sits on my lab
>best friend sitting right next to us
>she starts caressing my cheeks
at this point I was too drunk to think straight
>her warm lips gets me extremely hard
>sensually laughs with her mouth 1 inch away from mine
>we start kissing
>after 10 minutes of making out
>see's friend is getting a bit uncomfortable
>pulls him outside and ask's if he is alright
>he says he doesn't mind (clearly lying)
>we leave party
>she calls him and they talk for like 2 hours with me listening (they both end up crying)
>she drunkenly tells him to bring me back to the party, as she would have loved to fuck me
>I drunkenly walk home
I don't hear a lot from this guy anymore, I just know that they have distanced themselves from each other.
it's now 6 months later and she's keeps texting me.
>mfw I just ruined my best friends relationship to a girl who meant a lot to him.
Nope. But getting all this shit out of my system makes me feel better, so I guess I'll just keep going.
I can't get off. Like if I were to try and jack off, most of it would be me punching my dick until it got hard, and then 20 minutes of beating it rapidly until I cum. My ex girlfriend, other than being a fucking cunt, also liked to make me fuck about 7-10 times a day. There were a few occasions where she would violently jump on me in the middle of the night and force me to fuck her. She was fucking awful at sex and couldn't give head for shit.
I gave someone a picture of my penis just so they could draw pictures on it. Picture related. It isn't the first time I've done something like that.
I'm french you fucking fag:)
I use darkcomet, I buy some crypter online on crypter. org, then I send to people.
But to go faster, I hack some botnet panel (who is not mine) and I ask the bots to get my rat.
Easy like ABC.
That was obvious. You had a boss that walked into you yesterday and you spend a lot of time in 4chan posting nudes. Hm..Do you work at home? Are you support?
>inb4 women can't support taktaktakta sexism taktataktka feminism
Write what you think on your thighs OP and open them
redheaded goddess is that you?
its bumping <3
ho god, use no ip and use 80 port (don't use skype at the same time) and all will be find. Or use vertexnet, it's a botnet nice and sweet.
admin admin123 zeus botnet
Don't ruin it not mine
Okay, secret. I'm straight white cisgender male. I've been in an abusive relationship with a girl that was so fucking bipolar she'd be happy one minute and throwing plates the next. I've spent so many years of my life wrapping up part of my identity in who i was with I kind of lost myself, and the only reason i stayed with her so long was that I was afraid of being alone. Whatever the opposite of "fear of commitment is" I have it. It's not a good thing when who you are with is a horrible person.
Well I'm no feminazi
But I like equality and all that shit
So yeah, I guess but I don't scream about anything because in the end it'll just get lost in a sea of faggotry trolls and women who hate men and also hate women who like men.
I like women who like men who like women too. We are soulm8s
>I told someone I was going to rape their toddler over the Internet, then lied saying I was hacked and that it wasn't me when they tried getting the police involved.
LOL u w0t!?
>I failed 3 community college classes cause of personal problems and cause I'm a fucking moron, and lied and made it look like I didn't fail with the power of inspect element. I plan on making them up before I transfer and without hopefully revealing I lied about it.
Who'd you lie about that to? I don't get it? Who did you have to edit the elements for?
that's one of the probs I have with both Feminism and Masculism: they strengthen misogynists and misandrists in their beliefs/feelings.
All for equality but against fem and mas movements.
I have been good i started camming more braved up to it, kind wish you would visit me
been saving this for you (webm)
don't be so rood to the lady
Shit tier fucking ass. Get out of here you dumb bitch. Eminem is a fucking poser. I hope you get strangled in your sleep tonight when your dad comes in to rape you again.
that's rood, you're rood
lol, they don't cut off the clitoris, female circumcision just cuts off the clitoral hood, the skin that covers the clitoral gland, the equivalent of the penile hood, the skin that covers the penile gland
Here OP, write "Hi Andre" on your pussy & show tits.
I find it hilarious that America is against female circumcision but for male circumcision (because America is pretty much ruled by the jews) and they don't get at all that these two things are the same. Whenever you bring it up to them they say that's different! yet it's not at all.
Either you are against a barbaric tradition done solely to lower sexual pleasure or you aren't. You can't have it both ways.
here's another of my shit-tier
you can kiss it on your way out anon
that is so hot, such a tease :3
Garbage! You have no ass even when you are trying to pop it out. Shit tier genes = this shit tier dumb bitch. Kill yourself you skank whore.
There's actually about 4 stages of female circumcision, from just removing the clithood, through to removal of clit, inner and outer labia, and sealing up most of the vaginal opening. Its why female genital mutilation is a better name than circumcision
America isn't run by Jews. America is run by MONEY. And doctors LOOOVE money. It's that simple. There are plenty of Jews that don't circumcise their kids.
Jewish mom on circumcision: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfnqN3YgTd8
Well you dont have to be nude or show your face. <3
well there's also 4 stages of male circumcision, a simple slice, preputinoplasty, a dorstal slit and a 4th one i can't remember
>crush from highschool got drunk
>me around at the time
>just kind of hanging
>end up getting it on
>going up her skirt (+ points for personal fetish)
>came inside and whatnot
>kind of just slid panties back over and fell asleep on couch with her
>fallen asleep like that before at her house
>tomorrow she doesn't seem to notice anything
>still hang out with her
>want to tell her
>dont want to ruin relationship
>Why did you say you'd fuck their toddler?
Honestly, cause I thought I could get away with saying it. There was some raid on some video on youtube being done by either /b/ or /v/ or both. Anyway, I thought nobody would ever see it but obviously they did.
the way she's twitching is so fucking hot omg
Since you guys are posting so much about circumcision I'd like to add that I actually abhor the idea. It's a fight my man and I have gotten into a few times. He wasn't circumcised as a baby, but something happened and the skin stopped growing as fast as his penis (or something along those lines) and he had to get cut as a 10 yr old. Worst pain of his life. So his argument is that it's necessary to prevent shit like that and mine is that cases like that are pretty rare and we shouldn't do it "just in case" something equally as terrible MAY happen in the future.
it was one of those big brown envelopes that come with a bubblewrap inside. so yea, you better bag it.
i wasnt thinking of the soggy part myself at that time. I just knew that if you put cum in there, they cant see it in between the wrap. hence she will automatically stick her hand in to feel if there was something. not getting soggy was just a plus.
Most of the richest people in America are jews, most jews are in favour of it.
If not for jews this would not be the huge thing it is in America, you don't see it in any other civilized countries.
Why is it still legal to do this horrible shit to children in 2014? I mean if a guy wants it, go the fuck for it but mutilating a childs dick like that is fucking disgusting.
Another OC of my lady for you
Remember only Op gets to save
what about it ? I am a baby and that's how it felt
when I was a kid I almost had to get it, it's fucking terrifying. anyway It's relatively rare and It's a procedure that involves local anesthesia, so "just in case" is going a bit overboard IMO
plz come and talk to me
Never occurred to me to. Though I do now.
I'd post a picture of my ding a ling with a heart on it just for the sake of the thread, but I don't have a pen lying around
why so angry anon?
just bc I didn't feel like slandering the name of an artist I respect on my ass cheek so that you can send it to all your friends to prove you are worth more than a sad neckbeard with a few shitty "raps"
this thread is doomed at this point
Okay beautiful goddess of an OP, i'll tell you my secret, since you've been so generous.
This began happening around 3 years ago, I used to play this game called World of Warcraft a ton. I met someone I considered my best friend, and he had a sister who began talking to me and happened to play as well.
We got pretty close, talked and texted a ton, was a lot of fun. First real feelings i'd ever had for someone else. But it was online. I lived in California, she lived in Missiouri. We were both from military families as well, so we were constantly moving.
Eventually I get suspicious that she may not be real, due to her brother slipping up a few times. But I cast the doubts aside, being that we've skyped, talked over the phone, and all sorts of other stuff.
I also know their father, who played the game. She wasn't on one day, wasn't responding for a while, and asked him where she was. He told me he didn't know who that was, and we begin discussing this, trying to figure out the confusion.
Come to find out, the dude who was the 'girls' brother had done this before, but not in these extreme conditions. Apparently, the fake 'girl' that was made up to trick me consisted of three people, him, and 2 other girls. The personality and girl I had come to know was completely fake.
This wrecked me and completely fucked me up for any relationships, I even tried to commit suicide a few times. Began cutting, (Down the river), taking drugs, smoking, all the shit.
I'm fine now, i'm better of from it in my opinion. Shit makes you stronger. But yeah, that's the short story of my biggest secret i've told one person. And now, /b/. There ya go.
Don't take a picture of your cock on my accord anon, I'm not OP haha, just some dude who was intrigued by your story. and you said it felt good to get it off your chest, so I thought I'd listen.
I'm not cage you dumb bitch. The fact that you think feminem is a respectable artist is fucking pathetic. He is garbage and stole his shit form cage.
DUMB FUCKING SLUT DIE!!!
ill be waiting my goddess
I guess here's something recent I did. I had a 2 hour session with jailbait on omegle and got her to show her tits. I gave her a fake name and number when I started to get a little bit friendlier with her.
the battle is lost. when you start replying to them
on a real note. I hope you die soon.
studies have show there is a correlation between angry men that hate women and circumcision
you can not hate women if you have a foreskin, the feelings it makes you feel just wash away any hate towards women and any anger
you sir, need a foreskin to feel the love a foreskin makes you feel :3
bbbyyeee kisses and hugs lovely femanon <3
Next time I'll have a pen and more secrets to splurge
I'm cut. I understand why it was done as common practice in the past but I don't believe it necessary today with modern advances in hygiene. However, I don't think it should be banned.
My dad elected to get it done when he was 13 and they used anesthetics and all that so not much pain involved for the person being operated on.
"pour Francois <3" written on you lovely pussy, like the pic you did here : >>549854002