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>be single dad
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
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You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 213
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>be single dad
> kid is sixteen
>whiny little shit is trying to get out of a test by faking being ill.
stupid cunt forgot i'm a fucking physician.
>he goes to do test. comes back says hes going to be a fry-cook.
> i'm so pissed at the little bastard.
>over the course of the next two years i slowly pack my belongings.
>leave him when he's asleep. cause a shit load of trouble in community to bite him in the ass.

Hes 18, he better fucking deal with it
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>be gary
> gaaarry
>gary gary gary
'gaaaarry gary gaaary'

Should have raped his tender unbroken butthole before you left.

Your such a faggot for not doing that. gtfo
And leave him with your house? Goddamn, thats pretty fuckin retarded sir
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lel, joke's on you, vault dwellers have no possessions of their own in the vault

That three room suite was shit, dad got a hell of a deal by being the one to leave.
>be son with single dad
>told his ass i was going to be a fry cook
>woke up in middle of night by some hoe i used to fucks with
>told mi padre kicked rocks and errybody's pissed at him and i

>fuck this shit, im getting out of this vault.
>pink mohawk
>no charisma
>tell this bitch to hit the bricks if she knows whats good
>shoot black security guard in the face a bunch of times with bb gun
>take all his clothes
>plant bb gun on his corpse
>the perfect crime.
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>be genius
>smartest out of everyone I know
>every other fucker struggles to put together sentences.
>they lock me up because their fucking jealous cunts.
>some asshole with the hugest fucking wristwatch walks by my window.
My ticket out of here.
>i give him directions hoping he'll let me out.
>the door controls are next to the button for sterilising my room with hellfire.
>I give him my name.

Little fucker thinks it'll be ironic to set me on fire.
Fucking vault dwellers. oh wait.
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I read that in James' voice, WTF
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>tfw there isn't going to be a new fallout game for at least four years.
>four (4)
>be walking for ages, running from a past riddled with bad luck.
>feel so old, feel useless
>out of nowhere some giant blue feminazi appears out of thin air.
>bitch orders me to fix her fucking stuff.
What could it hurt? I might even feel useful again.
>crazy bitch locks me in a small room.
> repeatedly raped and fed nothing but noodles.

I miss my little sister
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> be in army
> I'm the oldest in our squad, was supposed to retire years back but they let me stick around cos I'm a good shot.
> my squad's a real bunch of cunts but they see me as a father figure. ones a little autist cunt who stu-stu-stutters every fu-fucking word, some fine white bitch who ended getting raped and some other shitbirds.
>one day this cracker in a trenchcoat comes to talk to me, I humour the little bitch.
''Hi, the name's Sterling, pleased to meet ya.
> white boy asks about my gun

He don't even know about La Longue Carabine.
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nah. 2 years tops. Especially after ESO bombs.
Realy hope they don't jsut rush this one.
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I just wanna play ping pong at Rivet City, sir.
Nah people are gonna gobble that shit up. No one wants to research and analyze video games anymore instead everyone gets hyped by the PR department and dumps there money into "pre orders" and fucking "alphas" god damn gaming industry is going right into the shitter
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>be leader of a 10 man crew of raiders

>wandering out in the wastes with 4, we pillage and plunder low level scavangers and take their shit.
>addicted to jet
>addicted to alcohol
>addicted to ciggerettes

>keep finding drugs
>keep partying
>crippled limbs
>no medical braces.
>limping around the wasteland and letting my guys take care of the dogs and wildlife and shit
>im dying so hard right now in downtown dc
>decide to raid underworld, and hope for the best

>get let inside by winthrop, he doesnt judge humans as long as i tell him i come in peace
>go upstairs with my 4 raiders with heavy and hard machine guns, leather armor, and helmets.

>start throwing frag mines off of the balcony
>ghoul parts and debris start flying
>everyones trying to escape but in tern treading on mines
>winthrop trys stopping me
>my team shoots him in the leg and he drops to one knee
>look at his betrayed face as he wonders why he let a group of raiders in here in the first place
>fire my desert eagle twice in his chest in slow motion.
>poor winthrop

>only the main wing experienced all this, everywhere else doesnt know who the hell i am, or why there is 15 dead bodies in the lobby.
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>be at neighbor child's birthday
>give sweetheart a sweetroll
>his face lights up.
>suddenly that little shit with the drunk mother shows up demanding my baked goods.
>kids fight. ruin party.
I bide my time.
>8 years later.
>chaos in the vault.
>children all grown up. see Butch run to investigate.
> let radroaches into his mothers room and lock them in.
>butch returns with that sweet boy from the party.
>he runs in, kills radroaches.
>turns baseball bat on bitch mother.

laughed so hard I lost my sweet hat.
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>on 4chan
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are you potato?
>implying there are no physicians
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>not knowing who the surgeon is

He's inspired.
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did I? or did I just imply that I find it amusing that a physician would visit 4chan? hmmm....
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>out of stinpacks
>one of my oldest raiders on my squad has a crippled chest, crippled leg, and a broken arm

>theres not much i can do for you
>take all of her stuff
>dismiss her to the fate of the wastes

>immediately the rest of my gang club the living shit out of her with sledgehammers and baseball bats.
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Oh hi Liam Nees- I mean Dad, I'd like to introduce you to my new friend, he says he can make me a lot of money just from doing a one-off job.
Theres physicians on 4chan. Just not OP
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hahaha what the fuck
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>be working.
>telling lazy fuck ghoul to gets some drinks to the shady guy in the corner.
>This fucker from way back shows up, John or James I think.
>asks me for directions.
>he cant understand my accent. racist prick asks if my dirty Irish mouth's been at the bottle for too long to talk straight.
Fuck this guy.
>give him a free night the hooker I manage. order her to give him the herp.
> an hour later he leaves.
> not a day later his dumb bastard son shows up looking for him.

Persistent little bastard.

you are the most retarded fucking person ever
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>Be loyal pilot for glorious Chinese nation
>Take off for a bombing run
>See bright flash
>All systems offline. Plane going down on American soil
>Somehow survive the crash but can't move
>Paralyzed from the neck down
>I guess this is how I die
>Radiation turns me into a ghoul
>Shit. Now I live forever
200 something years later
>Some filthy American strolls up to my body
>What does this fat fuck want
>Still paralyzed
>Fatass grabs my sword and clothes
>He proceeds to undress
>Oh fuck what are you doing

Damn Amerifats. I don't think we could ever bomb their country enough.
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>Be radio show host
>dumb fuck wants to find his dad
>has no idea about the good fight
>tell him he has to fight the good fight before i help
>kid dies
>hahaha good fight
>good fight is love
>goodfight is life
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Look out!
top kek
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one mo
Best one so far
>plant bb gun on corpse
>the perfect crime
My sides exploded
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God-fucking-damnit Bethesda, just give us something already. You've had like three years to work on it and we know you guys have been scouting around in Boston. Make the announcement already.
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I didn't mean to quote the r34; I was just replying to the thread in general.
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>the perfect crime
Top fucking kek
Any more of those? They're funny as hell and hit me in the hardspot
op. you are a douchebag.
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>be working round the vault
>suddenly new co-worker arrives. some white dude with a hot wife.
>3 weeks before she gives birth I start seeing her when her husbands busy. gets to a point where we're banging every other day.
>the husband James finds out, heated words. I leave.
>she dies in childbirth
>he never looks me in the eye at work.
I thought i Got off scott-free.
>one day at work he opens the vault door, goes to guard and blames me.
>Guard goes to arrest me, james has a gun and shoots me in chest and knocks guard unconscious.
> he runs off and bumps into overseers daughter.
>I can hear him talking.
'I need to leave, the guards have killed Jonas'

Fuck you james
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got a few others.
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>Be Courier
>Alpha as fuck
>Rocking the gardener getup
>Some chip delivery?
>Bitch please
>Mojave is for pussies
>Take a wiz in goodsprings grave on the way
>Elvis wanna-be demands chip
>"The mojave isn't a casino James Dean, go fuck a cactus."
>Sheds a lonely tear infront of Mongolian Caesar lovers
>Pulls his wife Maria out
>Unloads a whole clip of Green Giant pea shots at my unshown face
>Wake up to dirt, dirt and more fucking dirt
>Oh look, there's my piss in my face
>Pass out
>Wake up to this
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be on guard duty at work
> regular comes through door looking to do some business with the boss.
> annoying bitch also on duty with me.
>she asks regular if he's got anything to throw her way.
> he gets pissy and threatens to tell the boss. she backs off.
>I let him through
I knew for a fucking fact he wasn't actually the guy who usually shows up. I just want to get the bitch in trouble.
> the guy comes back covered in blood holding some air filters.
>his cunt friend in the red beret shoots me in the neck.

The thanks I get
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>be me
>born in badass tribe
>my dreads show my awesome deeds
>everything is going swell
>oh fuck Legion
>fucking Vulpes Inculta
>no more family, no more tribe, nothing
>Twisted Hairs wiped out
>assimilated into Legion
>we Frumentarii now
>discover dam
>the old world is beautiful
>discover The Divide
>a nation taking it's first breath
>a fresh start, a new life!
>see courier with old world tech
>America wakes up
>there was time now...
You obviously have not played the game. James didnt go to vault 101 while his wife was alive, he went after the PC was born.
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Pic here.
This is the first character I don't remember.

I dun goofed on that one. Forgot the dweller was born in Rivet city.
I'll try harder to remember.
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>I'm so proud of you son
>I know you'll do just fine, your a good kid

>blows up megaton
>joins slavers
>wipes out vault 101
>wipes out rivet city
>Kills Harold
>Generall mass slaughter
>carries out Edens order.

>none of that was you was it?
> [speech %100] Nope.
>I'm so proud of you son
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>Be me
> Apart of town where everyone is crazy
>Decide to leave
>Setup camp right out of town
>Some nigger comes by
>Wants to overthrow ruler of town
>Hell yes
Guess who
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>take up courier service
>get some sort of poker chip
>have to bring it to some big famous guy
>on the way over
>see a bunch of guys in mongol clothing
>how the fuck do I know what mongols are im 14
>they're fighting soldiers
>and getting rekt
>mongolbros capture me and knock me out cold
>man in a fine checkered suit standing over me
>makes me watch the mongols dig a grave
>the suit guy is just grinning at me
>takes the chip from me
>lights a cigar with his lighter
>"Time to cash out"
>mongol bro: "will you get it over with"
>"Maybe Kans kill people without looking them in the face..."
>drift in and out
>pulls the chip out of his fine checkered suit
>"You've made your last delivery, kid"
>"From where you're sitting it must seem like an 18 karat scene of bad luck"
>pulls out a silver pistol with gold accents, engraved "Maria"
>"Truth is...
>oh god please no
>...The game was rigged from the start"
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This is a good thread
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>be Torr
>all these fucking idiots running around muttering some senseless gibberish
>some asshole in a blue jumpsuit wanders up
>finally makes some god damn sense
>who needs the int stat
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She's in the National Archives. Cool backstory too.
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>Wake up and some doctor tells me I've been shot in head but he's healed the wound.
>Smash his fucking brains in after he makes me go through some more tests.
>Go down to local bar, some gangsters are harassing the old lady who owns it.
>Solve the dispute with a stick of dynamite.
>Proceed to be attacked by the rest of the townfolk, kill them all with my bare hands.
>Walk to the prison where the powder gangers are located, smash all their brains in with a tire iron.
>See the lights of what looks to be a city in the distance.
>"No. There can be only one."
>Grip my tire iron tightly and begin walking steadfastly towards it.
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Hated the first two games
I think they've been working on it since New Vegas got released. I mean, seriously, they would be retarded not to have taken a hint and started on it.

I bet it's going to be expansive as fuck
>be hotel proprietor
>one of our towns sniper's shows up with new wife.
>he's such a loyal resident but his wife's a stuck up harlot.
>go to legion, ask to sell her as a slave.
>they say theyll come round tonight.

Sold the bitch for a discount in return for them dressing up as molerat men to fuck with the local bum.
What the hell for? It was actual roleplaying, back when shit you did actually mattered. Plus, when some little shit was giving you lip, you put C4 in their pocket and ran like hell, problem solved.

They've most likely been working on it since Skyrim was released (New Vegas was made by another developer and Skyrim was released after it anyways) or at least since the last DLC for Skyrim was finished. So it's almost certainly been in the works for the past year and a half or so.

Lousy interface and an even crappier way of tracking your goals. And everyone looked the same so you searched like mad for the one idiot you needed to talk to.
this is accurate
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black mt bro
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It's really not hard if you're not a mongoloid, people will typically tell you where to go. Only thing that gets me is I bought a copy like a year ago since I lost my other and the encounters are all fucked up, I run into 5+ giant radscorpions every step I take.
I liked the early games. But I'm spoiled. My first favorite games were the early Bioware ones. Baldur's gate and Neverwinter.

these days I like voice acting and fpp and non-isometric shit
actually, sidenote, i'm excited for Wasteland 2, but not enough to participate in early access
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>Be me
>Killing that asshole who looked at me dirty at the bar last night
>Giant metal disc out of nowhere
>Weird looking mexicans doing funny shit to me
>make me talk about my life n shit
>go to sleep
>wake up a while after
>weird looking guy wakes me up
>tells me its been 100 years of me sleeping

shit was so cash
If anybody still cares. You can ask her to follow you, if you don't complete the quest she acts as a third follower.
1 was really god damn clunky, but I would definitely prefer 1 and 2 to 3, it was basically Oblivion in the wasteland. New Vegas was my favorite though, god damn was New Vegas good
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>be begging for caps
>trying to repay some debts.
>new face in town walking towards me with gun drawn.
>he has a major head wound, we have common ground.
>think he wants to be friends.
How wrong I was.
>within 3 minutes I have no money, no clothes and a severely bruised ego.
>a month or so passes.
>battle for hoover dam can be heard miles away.
>suddenly a fucking airplane flies overhead for the first time since the war.
>something drops from the plane.

Mfw when I thought it was Ncr dropping in care packages for us.
>Be me
>Mining man until I die
>Well, kinda
>Would be if those cunty Deathclaws would go piss off and die
>Couple days go by, just listening to the radio
>Then a stranger shows up
>Wears nothing but a tuxedo and a party hat
>Tries to run by me, stop him and tell him whats up
>Stares me dead in the face and telepathically communicates too me
>Pee alittle
>Tell him I'll pay him to go 86 the Claws
>Dumb bastard agrees and runs off
>Guess I'll be keeping these caps
>Hear earthshattering explosions come from the quary, prolonged gunfire, the works
>He comes back drenched in Deathclaw blood and holding nothing but a 9mm
>Stares me dead in the face until I give him my caps
>Relent and he runs in to Sloan
>Kills the Molerat and one of my men
>Teleports out
>Creepy prick
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>Arrive at the gates and admitted in
>Decide to study the local fauna and culture.
>Invited into strange tower hotel, at the top a man on a large screen quickly becomes insolent.
>Smash up all his robots and break my way into a room where he's suspended in some machine.
>Open it and leave him hanging, cursing me as I walk out. Disease will kill him soon enough, besides I want him to see my plans for his city he's worked so hard on and preserved through the end of the world.
>The moment I'm out the door I begin savagely beating every living in habitant in the town to death with a golf club.
This is accurate, pretty much every encounter with a big character in this game
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>be swinging
>muhummana bahumhuh Ncr
>badumbadumbadum Pacer mahumana
''mahuhhhmmmm badooh mahumana''
>bamama poor old Rexie dumbadoo

Thank you very much.
Top kek
I was waiting for this.
Thank you so much.
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Are we doing this for locations?

>keep out, the plants kill
>Pfft yeah whatever
>Kills mantis outside

3 minutes later...

>runs out of entrance
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>Be dog
>Chillin' in the scrapyard with my master
>Fucking raiders come out of nowhere
>Kill my master
>I proceed to fuck them up
>Random person shows up
>Faggot steals my kills
>Enslaves me
>I follow him around carrying all his shit and told to find him supplies
>Assholes always go for me first when the dumb ass gets into fights
>Sends me back to his vault
>Sit there forever
>Never see the fucker again
>be lowly alien worker
>captain doesn't let us have disintegrators
>one day repairing some stasis chamber in the engineering core
>gigantic pinky-coloured giant comes in
>"why is his head so small and are those his eyes?"
>must have eaten expired squid worm food to be seeing this shit
>giant proceeds to chase me
>tfw no weapon
>tfw I can only run from this colossal fleshy-thing that looks like a stretched out alien with a pygmy head
>fucking hate the captain even more now

pls screen cap.

Anybody pls.
i smell google translate just from that first line lmao... watashi mo means 'me too' but im suspecting you typed 'be me' into google translate
yeah I'm not even sure that it will translate back the same way either, but yeah I sure did use google translate
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best thread i've seen in a while. have my wallpaper

best ones
" We be groovi'n an moovi'n
Seeing the fallout girl images makes me wonder, are there any new vegas mods that let you bang (more) characters with chr/speech checks? Preferably with scenes.
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>wandering through Vegas
>LCK rating 11
>see NCR camped out in some science building
>'whatcha doin, man?'
we want to get the generators up and running
>'bitch I know all about generators.'
do you know anything about theorhetical physics?
>'I have a theorhetical degree in physics.'
you're hired!
>mfw dumb cunts can't even turn knobs man.
>some asshole comes along, thinks he knows what the flashy lights do
>gets generator running
>sparks shoot out of slots
>NCR gives me all the bitches and caps I could ever want
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Are you thinkin of Sulik? Torr has a very intelligent conversation with you.
Ah fuck I'm a retard (like Torr). Haven't played for 10+ years.

>be caravan boss
>hottest bitch in the mojave
>get stuck in some shit ncr outpost
>get word caravan got wiped out
>"well shit"
>get drunk
>fucker shows up in shitty clothing and oversized watch
>spews shit at me
>tell him to fuck off to crimson caravan
>he leaves
>go back to drinking
>faggot comes back, looks like he killed some fucker for his uniform
>get too drunk
>end up selling out to his ass
>hate his ass entire way
But wait, there's more!
>faggot redeems himself
>kills bitch boss and the tweedle dums
>get company back
>i want the d
>go for courier
>courier's not there
>"Dear redhead, went to bang the dude with the same name as the guy from zelda"
I knew he was a faggot
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>be me
>try to save the world from the god of murder returning
>save this little faggot child of bhaal from being sacrificed
>raise him by myself
>get killed trying to protect him
>and then he became the god of murder

what a fucking ingrate
And that's only if you have high INT, if you put it at like 3 or lower he actually sounds smarter than the rest of the characters in the game lel
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>be on UFO for ages now.
>no family left
>make friends with one of the alien engineers while he's making repairs.
>new prisoner shows up
>he and some black chick break out
>engineer says captain will reward me for getting them cornered to be restrained
>direct them through narrow hallways trying to do so.
>new guy bumps into my alien friend
'dont kill him he's peaceful', the last human language my friend ever heard before his face turned to goo.
>fuck this
>direct new guy through to bio labs to get torn to shreds by abominations. he survives.
>no one can finish him.
>eventually takes over bridge.
>starts battle with another ship, fucking wins.
>everyone celebrating.
>i'm the only one on the communication systems now.
>other ships closing in.
>turn around, new guy has killed Mr Cowboy, Mr samurai and that pansy Canadian and is now carrying their armor to the teleporter along with every other unique object.
>try to stall him til ships arrive to atomise us all.
>suddenly disappears, never comes back.

Now I roam the earth's higher atmosphere searching for my quarry.
I'll find you Vault Dweller, i;ll find you.
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>already hilarious
>google translate that shit
>sides have transcended this dimension

Personally I feel that 1 is the weakest in the series if I absolutely had to rank them. It's certainly not a bad game but it felt somewhat short and small compared to later entries in the series as well as other rpgs and while the mechanics were all there I felt some were underutilized. For example, you had all sorts of noncombat skills you could pump points into like Lockpicking or Science(hacking) but it seemed like they were only usable very infrequently.

But yeah New Vegas is the best. It's not just my favorite in the series but probably my favorite rpg or videogame in general. Everything about it worked- a large world to explore, a great deal of freedom to build the character you want both statwise and roleplay-wise, lots of morally murky decisions to make, memorable characters and storylines, several unique but well-fleshed out factions, nice mechanical tweaks to the Fallout 3 formula, most major objectives could be solved multiple ways be it combat, stealth or diplomacy and so on and so forth. I really hope Bethesda takes note of the things Obsidian did with 4. Granted I expect to like 4 a lot - I really enjoyed 3 even if NV ultimately did everything better - although admittedly I'm a little nervous that Todd Howard will be in charge.


I don't think I've ever noped as hard in a game as I did in that vault. I basically sprinted through with a flamethrower and my finger pressing down the mouse button the entire time. Dunwich building in 3 didn't have shit on plant people.
>be tunnel snake
>tryna work my tunnel snake into the overseers daughter
>that beta kid i always used to bully shows up
>"b-back off her guys"
>tell him to fuck off, we're the tunnel snakes
>he tries to hit me
>retard doesn't realize that theres 3 of us and 1 of him
>gets the shit kicked out of him
long story short he ended up saving the wasteland
That pic is fucking moronic. You pick your gender in the vault.
You've hot the wrong game buddy.
Yes sir. I always make sure Im packing at least 1000 flamethrower fuel before I go into that hell hole.
>I don't think I've ever noped as hard in a game as I did in that vault. I basically sprinted through with a flamethrower and my finger pressing down the mouse button the entire time. Dunwich building in 3 didn't have shit on plant people.
That sounds about right
AAHAHHA! fucking bueno.
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New Vegas =/= 3
Fucking die, faggot. I got the right game.
I read that and thought what an asshole father
then i saw the picture
and knew you were talking about the fo3 storyline
im dumb
Honestly I just used a submachine gun and it worked against everything. Never had an issue with the plant vault.
The PC isn't in a vault in FNV bro.
You pick your gender at docs house as the entirety of the opening cutscene is first person. The picture makes sense.
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>be me
>local thug on poor side of town
>me and couple other fags run scam
>me and few others are the "thugs"
>goes good for a while
>one day some faggot that looks like he can handle himself gets the tour through the ghetto
>play time, pretend to getshot
>laydown pretending to be dead
>checks our pulses, i start freaking out but stay still
>he throws c4 everywhere
>detonates it
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>be rooted to ground
>trees everywhere, beautiful
>bob finally has friends
>out of nowhere some dirty hippies in rags show up
>start worshiping me
>bob says Should tell them to piss off.
>too late, theyve set up a fucking village around me
>old couple arguing about salves and shit.
>some wanderer turns up
>kills everyone
>looks at me
Please kill me too I think over and over, bob wont let me talk.
>stupid fucker thinks i'm just a tree and moves on
>still stuck in ground, cant run, cant look around, cant even scratch my fucking nose.

Fuck you bob.
Yeah, I'm not going to get into a fight with a fellow fallout player master race. You've got the wrong game. Not really an issue. I'm just pointing out.
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>Be protectron
>Waiting to protect shit
>Some dude finds me
>Reprograms my shit
>I ask him what I should do
>Begin fisting his ass
>Tells me to go to local business and report to owner
>Fist owners ass
>People pay me to fist their asses
>This is not what I was programmed to do
for the love of god someone tell me this thread is archived.
That. Fucking. Vault. Ah but so worth it for the aer 14 prototype. One of my favourite weapons.

You're making the mistake of assuming killing them is enough. Only complete immolation by purifying fire is acceptable.
tell me where your son lives
give me 3 months and i make the man out of him you couldn't
your sons failures are yours as a father
someday you'll realize that and in your weakest moment it'll be this thougt that crushes you
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>be 19
>enlist in NCR because thats what my dad did
>"I'm proud of you son"
>bullshit, I hate doing this shitty job
>nothing to do, just wander around outside
>id rather be at home playing on my pc
>see figure in distance
>its the courier
>he fucking kills everything in his path
>stuff of legends
>rumored to be able to stop time
>feeling scorching desert heat
>he approaches
>sweat dripping down my forehead
>start to say something
>dont want to fuck this up
>oh god the fucking heat
>say first thing that pops into my head
>cant fuck this up or im deadmeat
>spaghetti falling out of my pocket
>"Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter"
MFW I thought Fallout 3 for the XBOX 360 would have images in it like this. :(
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>be hanging with friends in alley mugging passers-by
>one guy pulls a knife, we repsond with pool cues and brass knuckles, no chance.
>put his body between dumpsters.
>new guy in town
Fucking tourists, easy pickings
>wave him over, hes not wearing anything but a vest and unerwear, poor fool.
'get this fool boys'
>he pulls a gun
>oh shit
>some kids toy
>hit him with a pool cue.
>he points toy gun at floor
>suddenly lasers
>friends die
>i lose my legs to fucking orbital space cannon bullshit

Get this fool boys.

get this fool...

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>he stares for a moment, looks at his pip boy with a vague expression.
>magically pulls out power fist

It's over idiot.
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>Chillin around town with my niggas
>Talking about some guy whos been killing our homies
>Legion shows up and starts being dicks
>Crucify everyone
>Smash my fucking legs with hammers
>Let some honkey run free
>Worst day ever
>Waiting to die
>Motherfucker walks in that's been killing all my homies
>Ask him for some Med-x
>He says no
>Tell him to fuck off
>He shoots me
>Run away
>He kills me
>Jokes on him I was going to ask him for a favor
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>be me
>Be running a town in a cave
>everyone is my age or younger
>Except Sticky. But he's leaving soon
>Be patrolling the wall
>A wild Mungo appears
>Tell him he can't come in
>He asks what he could do to get in
Nigga you better go free mah niggas from them slavers
>He leaves
>Comes back with raiders
>I'm sold into Slavery
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>be Dave
>election tiem in the Republic of Dave
>some fucking nosewipe pissant vaultcunt told my wife to run against me
>win election anyway
>fucking beat my wife senseless for trying to usurp my thr-
>I mean beat me in a democratic process
>goodkarmaguy vaultshit assassinates me
>haha, now he's gotta kill kids

>lose election
>flee to Old Olney
>vaultfuck tries to steal my goddamn key
>nobody escapes the Republic of Dave with good karma
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> be strong independent Dunmer Womyn
> most people are pretty jelly and intiminated by a woman like me
> canthandlestrongwomyn.jpeg
> be housecarl for Jarl Balgruuf the Greater
> y no woman be Jarl
> fucking patriarchy
> one day white cis-scum nord enter the hall wearing nothing but a loin cloth a torch
> he seeks an audience with the Jarl
> i walk towards him to halt his approach
> he obviously can't handle a strong woman
> he avoids me and jumps up the long table knocking over goblets and shit
> he then runs up to the Jarl, exchanges a few words and then runs off again
> ask Jarl wtf that was about
> mfw being ordered to fight along his side against a dragon
obvious troll is obvious
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>be resident at Tenpenny's tower
>some ghouls want to get in, no fucking way
>they come to the door every fucking day
>one day, white haired chick with Lee Van Cliff hat comes in
>telephatically ask me to say to owner I'm cool with ghouls
>I'm not
>one day, white haired chick with Lee Van Cliff hat comes in
>telephatically ask me to say to owner I'm cool with ghouls
>I'm not
>one day, white haired chick with Lee Van Cliff hat comes in
>telephatically ask me to say to owner I'm cool with ghouls
>I'm not
>one day, white haired chick with Lee Van Cliff hat comes in
>telephatically ask me to say to owner I'm cool with ghouls
>I am
>Wait... what?
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>Be me
>run little shop in a small town
>sell a bit of this and that
>Guy in a vault jumpsuit comes in
>Tells me to "Hail the glory of the Empire of Vault 101"
>Ask him if he'll help me research for a book I'm writing
>He elects to study the effects of radiation
>A few hours later, Bright flash of Light
>Fuck it burns
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>study radiation
>flash of light
>my sides
>nobody escapes the Republic of Dave with good karma
No matter how hard I tried, no matter how long I experimented, I still had to steal his fucking key.
These are too good, sauce?
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>be me
>greatest mind in existence
>spent century or two since base was abandoned solving mankind's philosophical problems, what else can I do to pass my time?
>tribal guy walks in with misfit band
>decide this is my chance
>convince him to help me transfer myself into a brain in a mobile body so I can go about researching the world
>watch in anticipation as tribal guy makes his way down to the body part storage
>tfw tribal retard destroys the one cybernetic brain in storage
>seriously rustles my jimmies when retard fails to retrieve any intact human brains
>retard even fails to bring out an intact chimpanzee brain
>thinking to myself I will just have to wait a century for the base to become populated again and another cybernetic brain built
>wtf, how does this guy manage to breathe?
>retard picks up one of the human brains that have been rotting away on the floor for half an hour and squishes it into the robobrain receptor
>no no no don't push the transfer button no fuck off I don't want to be transferred into that rotten dysfunctional thing
>tfw no speakers to contact retard with
>twf when retard had to blast security apart on way down
>made good friends with Torr
>Hear theres a new guy in town
>He thinks he can run the place
>Stand around waiting to jump the kid
>He walks outside
>Fuck him up with a rolling pin
>Steal his sweetroll
>Not on my watch, bitch.
you are not exatly making it better.
He will be your legacy to the world and it`s a shame if you`re not going to do something to straight things out.
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>be sitting in my tenpenny suite
>reminiscing about my adventure with argyle
>oh how i miss him
>learn some ghouls are trying to join our community
Oh joy.jpg
>try to convince tenpenny residents to allow them in.
>they dont listen
>a friendly young man shows up at the gate.
>we chat inside about our neigbors outside.
>ask him to convince the others to let the ghouls join.
>over the next couple of days after they move in, my old neighbors start to stop appearing for breakfast and walks round the lobby
>the ghoul leader roy, lovely fellow, asks me to help him find something in the basement
'sure thing roy'
>ask if the other residents would help
>he says hes already talked with them
>get to basement door

'is that blood I smell?'
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>Be me
>Be an ugly motherfucker
>People run scared
>I'm not even hostile
>Decide to go Live in a cave with some other Ugly Motherfuckers
>Some weird guy in a blue Jumpsuit comes in
Hey Bro, been a while since we had a visitor.
>Go to give him a hug
>Accidentally Claw the shit out of him
>mfw I killed the only visitor I've had in Years.
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>be me
>mayor of town
>life is good
>all my friends live there
>boss of everyone
>let one adult into town
>adult runs around shooting my friends
>mfw we're invincible
That feel when you find Argyle's dead body, I had dearly hoped he'd teach you THE EAGLE CLAAAW

Please tell me you understand what this thread is.
just say you know what's goins on
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>Dad leaves vault
>Girl I've helped and protected all the years helped repay me by helping me escape.
>Not kill anyone on teh way out, at most broke arms or legs with baseball bat
>Save the dick's mom
>Stopped the overseer from being killed
>End up in Megaton
>Caught dick trying to blow it up and killed him
>HHelped create most useful survival guide ever.
>Settle disputes across the wasteland
>Helped with the good fight
>Helped a priest keep his vows and to get the slut to stop being a slut.
>Helped the android.
>Helped the freed slaves
>Helped the ghouls
>Don't kill the superheroes
>Don't kil the vampires, but make a deal
>Killed the slavers and rescued everyone, no losses on my side
>Helped the kids in the cave
>Helped the old lady with violin
>Go back to vault and save day again.
>Get told to GTFO but I don't mind, they're all safe and alive.
>Rescue Fawkes
>Be friendly to president eden and convince him to do right thing and an hero.
>Go save the wasteland again
>At the purifier
>I'mma die if I go in. The supermutant breathes radiation and will probably be healthier going in.
>Figured I can help more people by not self-sacraficing and let the supermutant get a buff.
>Let him do it.
>Whole wasteland calls me the biggest dick ever.

Fuck you Fallout. Fuck you.
Fucking stupid cunt
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>be Me
>have dumbshit son
>Dumbshit makes me so depressed
>become an Alcohol
>Years pass
>Wake up one night from the alarms
>decide to Alcohol while the security takes care of it
>Dumbshit son can't help
>Little pussy is afraid of a bug
>Has to get James' son.
>He shoots me instead
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>????? ??????? ???????
> ????12?31 ??????1 ?????
>? ???????
?????? ????? ????
>??????? ??????? ?????
>?????? ???
>?????? ??
>??????????????????? ??
>?????????????????? ????????36???????????

??????????????1?400? ??>??????????????????
>??????????????????? ??>??????????????????? ?????????

>tl;dr ???????????? ?????????????????????
>Tl:dr Bonfire of large and small Takare over Dan, overnight Kagura are exhibited a pine Kaguraden.

Too late
well damn. i just got so excited i didnt even look
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>be 18
>raised by distant single father
>constantly bullied
>get nowhere with female friends
>one day wake up, dad's left for good
>guards are after me
>people around me are dying
>im getting shot at, so are other residents
>find overseer abusing his daughter.
>kill him and chief of security to save her
>she thinks im a monster
> irun as fast as i can
Is this life now?
Is this is how its supposed to be?
How can I go on?

>wooden door offers me a sex change.
Wooden door offers me a sex change. My sides.
Just wow...
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>>wooden door offers me a sex change.
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>Wooden door offers me sex change
Death is a preferable alternative to communism.
>be enclave soldier
>last day on job before retirement
>told to guard the jefferson.
easy stuff.
>getting old.
>Hearing playing tricks on me

I could have sworn I heard communists detected or something.
>01000010 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100101
>01000010 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101011 01101001 01101100 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100101
>01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101110 01101001 01100111 01100111 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 01110111 01100001 01111001
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>@@[=$+<_--*]@@? @@[$((*#8#%]@@.
>@@[$((*&^#%]@@. @@[*.......]@@... @@[$((*&^#%]@@
>@@[$((*&^#%]@@. @@[*.......]@@... @@[$((*&^#%]@@.

>tl;dr: @@[*.......]@@... @@[#-!!!!-#]@@!
>be me
>ne a killing macchine
>you niggers can't read this anyway
Be me
Have to go with some faggot ..
Killen' all the radscorpions,
Follow faggot around. Save the vault with the faggot.
(My greater than button isnt working)
Well that was fast
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>be on business trip to Vegas for first time.
>go to fanciest looking casino.
>greeted by some douche in a suit and masquerade mask, who is he kidding?
> look over his shoulder to see 4 angry men. three of them look like farmers. The first is some old dude in a suit, the second looks to be his son, the third is dressed as a farmhand holding a fucking shotgun.
>old dude simply shouts 'they done took my boy'
>farmhand shoots greeter.
> their fourth guy runs up to me in pyjamas with a golf club.
>Give him my best line:
'I don't talk to nobodies, not when I'm having the time of my life.
> get shot by his flying robot.

Fucking couriers.
Put me in the airship fuck sleep state of a metal generation basis I also this
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now i wanna play fallout
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>be me
>Homeless, Useless in a fight, completely Broke
>beg for basic supplies by Megaton.
>one day a New face shows up
Excuse me sir could I trouble you for some Water?
>Explain that i've been drinking the Irradiated Water from the Nearby River, but at this point I'd rather die than drink it
>He gives me Water
Thank you so Much stranger, you have no Idea-
>he shoots me in the face
>Mfw I have no Face

that is a very badly made art.
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>be town doctor
>average day until creepy as fuck robot cowboy slams a corpse on my table.
>fix him up, take bullet fragments out of his skull
>make him whole again
>ask him:
'how'd I do'
>suddenly his whole face starts to shift and change in colour.
>this ungrateful fucker undid all my work and made his hair blue
>im so pissed I initiate the territorial stance of the mojave
>My head neck unhinges in fury so my head may take its true threatening posture.

He looked me straight in the eyes and stole my cigarettes.
>My head neck unhinges in fury so my head may take its true threatening posture.

My sides
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>must have eaten expired squid worm food to be seeing this shit

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>be toaster
>my brilliance recognised by even the lobotomites in my own domain in Big MT
>the courier takes me to the sink, my new kingdom.
>returns me to a physical form
'Good, you serve me well apprentice'
>he gathers my lesser brethren to be harvested
>he watches in awe by my power and is inspired to take Big MT in my name.
>I am lord of the mountain.
>disciple searches for new treasure to give me
>meanwhile I educate the sink's peasant personalities of my brilliance.
>out of envy and fear they destroy my physical form with a flood of water.

They will rue the day will when they have bread but no way to toast it.
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>Be Me
>Be the go-to bot for all info Vicki and Vance.
>Courier comes in
>tells me Vance's Machine gun and Vikki's Bonnet is missing
Naw, nigga, it's right there, see?
>It's seriously sitting right there
>He tells me I've been hacked
>nice try, I'm behind 7 proxies
>The next day I'm promoted to sheriff
>tfw you read this in his voice
Just guessed it was something like that and translated with the power of internet...
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>shoot black security guard in the face a bunch of times with bb gun
>take all his clothes
>plant bb gun on his corpse
>the perfect crime
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>newfags don't remember the physician
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>be Me
>Be the richest Motherfucker in DC
>Have my own tower and everything
>Step out onto my balcony to shoot random shit
>Fucking eyesore out in the distance
>heard rumors there's a Nuke in the middle of it
>Have Mr. Burke Check it out
>Mr. Burke hires some pasty faggot from a nearby Vault to detonate it
>Little faggot cost me 1500 caps
>Give the Vault faggot a permanent room
>Ungrateful asshole helps a bunch of ghoul Niggers invade
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>Be olde tyme country doctor
>Housecalls and everything, man. I don't fool around
>Some robot drags this fucker with a bullet wound through his skull to my front door
>Spend 12 hours fishing lead out of this asshole's brain and putting all the wires back together
>Sew up his face in a rough estimate of what is was supposed to be
>Dude wakes up, then demands I sew his face back to EXACTLY what it was
>10 hour procedure
>After doing that, we go through medical history and yadda yadda
>Try to walk this guy out of my house
>He proceeds to steal everything not tied down in my house like he fucking owns the place
God. Fucking. Dammit.
>Couple hours later
>Douchy McDoucherstein (his given name, I shit you not) shows up again
>Wants to have a battle royale with some desert punks in town
>Asks for EVEN MORE SHIT from me
>Fight urge to cunt punt this dickhead all the way to New Vegas
>Refuse. Fucker has random ass gun battle in town anyway

Now I'm picking bullets out of my siding. Fuck.
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>be 15
>me and bro tossing a strange ball we found in one of the old Vegas buildings.
>found old books on something called football
>looks like there's other equipment that we wear to play.
>put it on and go outside.
>find ourselves in a crossfire between NCR and some crazy football players.
>pick up nearby blade for protection.
>NCR wiped out with my friend.
>some guy with a coyote for a head congratulated me for surviving where others hadn't
>gives me a commendation
>gives me a promotion
Fuck me. This sounds like so much fun. I literally just killed everyone in Underworld today. (Been replaying it recently. So many hours.)
I waited 10 years for fallout 3 to come out, cry me a river kiddo.
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r u 4 cereal?
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