Feeling extra shitty tonight, because I know tomorrow will be one of the worst days of my life.
Can we get a baaw thread going?
ill post a bit
Why will tomorrow be shitty, OP? I'll listen, if you want to tell.
It's kind of you to ask, and I can't give you a greentext or anything, But it's because my grandma is going off of life support tomorrow, the woman raised me when my mom was workin, which was a lot. And ym dad was never in my life, so it's like seeing a parent pass away..
She's been addicted to prescription pills for decades now.. And it's finally taking it's toll. Her heart is too week for anything to work anymore, she's been fighting for so long, it's hard to see it end this way.
Went to see her in the hospital today, and I told her the basics. How much she means to me, that i love her. And just talked bullshit for a little while..
But no matter what, this is going to be probably the hardest thing I've had to do.
I had it when i was 17, beautiful blonde girl with blue eyes, we lay on the grass and talked and slept together (didnt fuck just slept and made out)
She stopped talking to me because I would never go and see her where she lived (about half hour drive from my town) only when she would come to see me
We were planning a gig in my town and after she stopped talking to me she invited some douchey basketball playing faggot who was a complete tool and i couldnt handle it, and broke contact with all those people except one who has been my best friend my whole life
She died two years ago of cancer.
I miss you leeah
If this is true my deepest feels go out to you bro, I know how this feels.
When I was 12 I had a similar experience. My grandparents lived one floor above us and raised me since I was born, parents were always working. I saw them as my perents more than my actual parents. One day I was upstairs with my grandpa as usual, grandma was out shopping. Suddenly his eyes started to roll and he began screaming like I've never heard someone scream before. 12 year old me had trouble understanding the situation, somehow I still managed to call an ambulance. Long story short, his intestines somehow tore apart and shit and blood was flowing all everywhere inside his stomach. The situation was so severe that the paramedics had to perform an emergency surgery on him right in their flat. Since I live in germany that's more or less possible since we have a thing called Notarzt, essentially a paramedic who is actually a fully certified doctor. Comes out only when shit hits the fan. They were too busy on saving him to send me out, I was in shock and couldn't really move. Had to look at the whole 30 minute surgery. They didn't even have time to give him morphine or something like that. Until today I still have dreams about his stomach being cut open and all the shit and blood flowing out combined with the screams that would any horrormovie look as if it's made by Disney. Somehow he managed to survive that shit, he still lives.
Thank you for feeling with me tonight /b/ro.
I'm sorry you had to witness something like that, and at a young age.
My feels go out to you, I know that something like that never really goes away.
Well everyone, I'm going to continue to try to numb my mind with drinking and TV and eventually try to get some sort of rest.
I want to thank you all for your posts, it really has comforted me some. Tomorrow may be that worst day I've had yet, but that doesn't mean I have to suffer tonight.
If by throwing away your education you mean quitting school for whatever reason I can only give you the advice to finish it. Did the same at the age of 16, worst fucking idea of my life. Joined the army at 17 since I had no idea what I could do, of course they put me in the infantry, no degree = bulletcatcher. Spent a year there and started focusing on my education again, collapsing every day from exhaustion and afterwards puking your intestines out changes your mind. I had seen what it is like to try to survive in the jobworld without a degree of any kind and trust me you do not want that. Now you still have the chance to avoid this, do it before it's too late.
Then do your best to pass this year, not muc time left but since you said might it should still be possible. Stop playing all day and focus on the subjects that pull you down.
Spending a month or two on things you don't like > trying to compensate for that afterwards over years.
That's a damn shame. I'm sorry, mate.
And by the way the thing that convinced me the most to start focusing on my education again was seeing all my friends partying their asses off while I was sitting in some mudhole with my rifle for weeks during an exercise in summer. That fucking sucked. Exactly during that summer I missed the chance to get with my crush who was actually into me by sitting in this godforsaken mudhole not being able to get to her. Eventually shortly before the end of this exercise another guy got her. I still remember her message on fb she sent 2 days before I came home saying that she's sorry.
For some reason I think self harm is worse than suicide.
Oh my god I do this all the time, and it only depresses me more...
I've lied to myself a lot over the years
Tfw stopped trying to convince myself
it's shit i tell ya hhwhat, bob marley ws her favourite muso, i cant listen to his album kaya without the feels... fuck it im gonna listen to it now anyway
this is her
The guy I love is on another continent and I probably won't ever see him in real life. I failed my most important test in university. I have few friends that I can't help but see as not friends. I need to find a summer job but I can't seem to.
Also I have to shit really bad and my fucking roommate showers in the morning just when I need to take my morning shits.
I'm just so bored. I feel empty. My gf broke up with me recently. I jump into these threads to feel something, even if it has to be mental pain or sadness. I want to be happy again.
lol what a bunch of bullshit
>all the good ones are taken
dude we are in our 20's only the dumb ones are married and knocked up, the good ones are just now finishing their college degrees.
>mfw you missed out on teenage love
did it and it sucks compared to adult love, being a teen and having to sneak around eachothers parents just to fuck sucks and then you cant drive, drink, or doing anything cool. as an adult i can fuck my gf in my own place and just live life.
Sorry to hear that my man. I periodically cycle through wanting to be happy, and not caring. Why'd she leave you, if I may?
true, but knowing you will never be able to experience that sneaking around and trying to get away with things with your girlfriend... That memory will never exist for someone who never experienced teenage love
I was planning to ask her tonight. It wasn't really clear at the time, so I wanted to clear it up with her. I think that she just didn't see us going anywhere. I took one of h texts the wrong way, and I said some things I shouldn't have. Never let your anger or emotions get the better of you...
I dont think they are missing out on anything really. 18 to 27 has way more potential for cool experiences. the only thing i feel is legit about that green text is that you dont have any responsibilities. but with that you are limited as fuck.
noooo nooo noooo this did not happen
I had the most amazing girl you could ever ask for, seriously when 2 people just connect I could talk to her about anything forever, she was cute and she loved me, and I just threw it away, that was 3 and a half years ago, I still think about her everyday.
I'm in a relationship with a girl who is amazing, and has had a horrible life, and deserves nothing but happiness for the rest of it.
So I sit here in this relationship doing the best I can to make this girl as happy as I can, hiding behind this horrible mask.
>I'm still holding onto the girl that I just let slip away
I've got a name and a handful of online ones lol. Who's askin'?
"She was beautiful. She was also very sick."
really the only one i have with any feel-relevance to me tonight
So this happened
>Dream to join military since a little kid
>finish school, start joining
>put through 9 months of bullshit just to join
>finally get in
>go to training
>Tough as hell but do-able and what I wanted
>Few days in and long term girlfriend spirals back down into depression
>Her cutting and getting dangerously close to attempting suicide again
>Try to fix by distance but nothing works
>Go directly to my Flight Lieutenant, explain the situation and ask for some way to bring her here
>Told its not possible, but I could discharge in less then a day and be returned to help her for compassionate reasons
>No other option so I accept.
I'm back and helping her now, and she's slowly getting better again, and I'd do the same again for her. But I'm fucking depressed that after all this time waiting and jumping through hoops, I'm stuck coming back. Worst of all I had to make up some bullshit about it being to hard to tell her because if she knew she took me from this it wouldn't end well... I feel trapped /b/
I know that kind of feeling man. you just have to tough through it and endure the long suffering. don't give in and say or do something that could hurt her, because you know sure as well that it would hurt you as well in the long run. it sucks man, but do your best to keep your head up
I've been around a while, I guess
Sorry I don't have a story or baww photo to share, but it read thru as many stories as I could. Feels to all of you /b/ros
Doesn't matter how many times you delete them, man. They'll find their way to you
West Coast US. California, specifically
Hello loneliness, my oldest friend, I cannot say it's good to see you again
Your arrival reminds me of earlier times, when my only friendship was yours
But I suppose you've always been there, your veiled contempt has always carried me
You lifted me higher than you thought, when you only sought to drag me into despondency
You were the solace in my solitude and the pleasure in my pain
You gave me self destructive tendencies, I manifested day by day
As I try to say goodbye to you, with a fleeting chance you'll stay
You carry me further from your scornful grip, with every swipe you take
You're the architect of your demise, the sheer irony of your consequences
When you seek to make your friends break themselves down you kindle the spirit to fight back
You are my favorite enemy, and for that I must say bye
You leave me knowing, even when I'm lonely, I'm never really alone.
No job, no school, no gf. The last few years, I've been devoting my life to helping one of my friends. And when I was going through a rough time, she tried to sabotage the only thing I had left. A lot of my friends are gone. I'm lonely. And I know I need to stop communicating with her, but I don't know how.
If that stands for San Joaquin, yeah I'm in the valley. Why?
welp, wth ill write something.
i'm back from out there /b/, i had a job, had money, got fit, talked to people, became social..
but guess what, it doesn't work, no matter how hard you try to get out of the hole, the feels never go away, you just distract yourself for a while, but you're still you, you still lived through shit, and that's what defines you, and if life's been shit, you'll have shit inside your head, always, it just takes a free evening, to start thinking of those shitty moments again, how bad life's treated you, how she left you, how they never really cared.
So this time of "success" comes to and end, disruptive thoughts about her come more often, now it just takes an hour or less of boredom to get depressed, i left my job because fuck people, but it feels good, I'm back /b/
Parents, currently. I start college in the fall though. That's about the only thing I have to look forward to
Sleep tight, friends. Or have a good day. Depending on where you are. We'll meet again in another thread
At least some of us will
that's genuinely scary. it's almost two years since she did what she did. i haven't been sober one night since, and the soft stuff doesn't work any more. as i type i'm surrounded by nitrazepam, diazepam, tramadol and oxycodone, which i bought mere days ago. i haven't got out of bed for more than a few minutes, since last november. this... >>553060709 ...is accurate. it's no joke. i truly think i'm dying.
>be me, 16
>meet new best friend, bffles 4eva
>bffles turns into boyfriend, then to first true love
>date for two years
>save all notes and letters in box
>shit goes wrong like always, we break up
>still remain bffles, talk every week
>life is passing by so quickly, everything changing
>be me, 19
>diagnosed with autoimmune disorder
>on lots of crazy treatment
>bffles getting into drugs bad, had secretary find him OD'd but he came back
>told him I was pissed at him for it
>he ODs again, dies thinking I hate him
>be me, today
>visiting old roommates, saw they found some old stuff of mine
>letters and photos from him
Just kill me now pls.