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Computer illiterate people who think they...
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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Computer illiterate people who think they know things.

Share your more infuriating stories. Gogogo
>be me
>working shitfaget job
>second in charge guy comes to print labels off computer
>boss was out that week
>error message
>program not compatible with current driver
>tries to explain to new chick the problem
>says someone must have unplugged the driver
>must be a problem around the back
>can't listen to that shit
>tell him what drivers are
>he doesn't get it
>explain difference between software and hardware
>he doesn't get it
>keeps saying the driver must be unplugged
>make up excuse to leave
>360 and walk away
>wank and cry in break room

what did i do to deserve this?
>>keeps saying the driver must be unplugged

How could he say that with a straight face?
he constantly has absolutely no idea of anything that's going on, won't listen to reason.

god i can't wait to get out of there
>be doing volunteer work for local community center
>slowly taking over all computer related jobs beyond sending out the monthly newsletter or doing accounts
>old boss quits because of management team being dicks, new one hired on
>is cranky old woman who believes she's always right even when she isn't, and that every single goddamn thing relates back to a story about one of her three sons
>constantly asks me to do stuff, then "helps" by fucking things up worse, usually by re-doing what i just did as i tell her what just took me 30 seconds to do
>has used a dozen ink cartridges for the printers in under 2 months
>her: "[anon], the printer has a paper jam, don't know why"
>she was trying to print on cardstock instead of paper but tried to blame it on someone who hadn't been in for a week, and it's the printer in her office
>today asks me to "fix" the photocopier, something usually handled by an offsite licensed contract dude
>"here's the manual, it will tell you"
>manual isn't even for that brand
>problem is that she forgot how to change it from A4 to A3 again already after last week
>copier is missing one of two paper trays
>her: "oh, yeah, that broke somehow the other week"
>place is a non-for-profit and her damage to printers/copiers alone has cost the business more than her paycheque in these two months
anyone have the pic of the thread where the guy's sister kept using his PC, got a virus on it, then sister told mom about it, mom threw out PC or something?
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that's the one, thanks anon
Fuck, I'm mad.
Those poor printers, they don't stand a chance.
An oldie but a goldie.
i can't even read the whole thing without wanting to falcon punch the screen.
The place runs on a shoestring budget, I can't wait to see how she tries to justify how she's costing the business more than double what they're paying her (she sent out fucking invitations in the post WITHOUT USING THE POSTAGE PAID STAMPS, FOR SOMETHING WE ALL GOT TOLD WAS COMING UP IN PERSON BY THE CEO for fucks sake)
If this happened to me the news would be all about some local teenage guy that killed his mother and sister ''because they took his vidya game computer''
old people shouldn't be touching computers.
I'm going to leave this gem here for evereyone.
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>Be me. Whole family is practically retarded.
>Whenever I'm over, I have to "fix" their computers.
>This pretty much involves nothing but uninstalling malware, which they are incapable of doing themselves, despite me having instructed them multiple times.
>Have to go through their long list of programs and ask: "do you know what this is?" for each and everyone, and uninstall it if the answer is no.
>If they try to do it themselves, they ask me for every goddamn one if it is safe to uninstall, and get nervous as fuck in general.
>Tell them to stop downloading things that they don't know what it is.
>They never stop.
>Always new programs.

How hard can it fucking be to be selective? At least my brother accepted that he lacks this basic skill shown in fucking vultures and got a tablet.
Speaking of old people, teaching my dad how to use Skype has proven to be pretty challenging. I swear my 11 year old cousin picked it up faster than him, and he's only 55.
oh god
"can you fix my computer up" is the bane of every person who is known to their family to have used a computer more than once

and it's ALWAYS that malware shit
Anyone have the one about the IT guy who got hired by his dad and doesnt really know shit, and just installs adobe reader on everything? He posts about his job day by day or some shit?
>be me
>not a computer geek, but know basic things most ppl see as advaced computer engineering eg. format, driver installation, cleaning registry, stuff like that
>agree to 'fix' coworker's computer
>she wants a new system
>tell her it's just the windows uptade gone bad that her usb ports don't recognize devices and you can just roll back to the state before the update
>she wants a new system
>ok with that
>install new system, drivers, all the software she wanted
>be done in like 2 hours
>give the computer back
>realise you forgot to take out system disc from the drive
>call her about the disc
>she replies that the computer is not working and that it wants to install the system
>drive to her place and check what's going on
>she must've just hit enter few times when the system disc booted and erased all of your work
>repeat the installation since you have all the drivers on a flash drive
>prepare to go home
>she tells you that you should've told her you don't know how to fix it instead of wasting her time

>few days later
>same coworker calls you and yells that she can't open invoices with pdf and can't install adobe reader she just downloaded and that it is your fault and you have to fix it or face the consequences
>be mad at her
>check the computer again
>she copypasted internet browser from C: to D: hence adobe reader downloaded to browser downloads on C and she tries to run the installer from copypasted location on D
>explain this bullshit to her
>she doesn't get it
>explain it like you would to a caveman that it's like she had printer on her desk and moved it to the other room and still trying to get printed documents from her desk
>she still doesn't get it and yells at you
>have enough of her shit
>never accept requests for 'help with computer' from anyone
Obligatory greentext story

ITT: people jerking off each other's ego based on the sole fact that they are tech/computer savvy. shiggydiggydoo.jpg
Which reminds me of my dad's work colleague who seems to believe every single one of those "your computer is too slow/you have a virus/YOUR IP ADDRESS IS SHOWING" popups. I've had to fix three computers of his now.
That's not counting the one that he "took in to get fixed at the store in town, and now the sound doesn't work". Because he never plugged the speakers back in.
We had an elected public official who thought that "Yellow01" was a back door password to every account on the domain.

Another thought that sticking some blu tack on the end of her network cable when she disconnected her laptop would "stop the internet from leaking out"

>>she still doesn't get it and yells at you

Why would she yell at you, she asked for your help and this is how you get treated? Jesus fuck.
makes me rage every time
Remember back in the day, when it was simple stuff like Bonzai Buddy and the Gator Wallet? Or Weatherbug on Windows 98?

Yeah....not so much anymore.

Just saved a coworkers PC last week, she had been running without antivirus for the last year and a half. Filled to the fucking brim with spyware and malware, couldn't even get into safe mode. Ripped hard drive out, scanned and cleaned using own pc. Virus go rid of two Windows services related to network, had to find the right entries in regedit to unfuck them. 5 hours, but I did save the Windows install.

Got paid, and got her nudes off computer. Fucking jackpot.
oh shit that one is fun thought I had it but I dont
>We had an elected public official who thought that "Yellow01" was a back door password to every account on the domain.
Wait-what? Where the fuck did she hear this?!
Yeah that's what this guy's were like: >>555987156
Complete clusterfucks of 20 competing fake antivirus or "computer speed boost" malwares constantly trying to get a few CPU cycles and bytes of RAM so they could show THEIR pretend legit-looking dialog box. He must believe every single one of those messages, seriously.
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>Got paid, and got her nudes off computer. Fucking jackpot.
After 5 fucking hours, you deserved those damn pics. Nice work.

> me sees friends machine loaded with malware
> <friend> do you know what's going wrong with my computer?
> <me> no idea. i don't know anything about them.

I'd rather watch the world burn instead of bothering to help. you can't teach the stupid no matter how many times you try.. so.. fuck 'em. let them work out their own fucking problems.
Haha I bet your poker face was amazing.

This is relevant TO US ALL.

Who knows. He was all fucking smug about having picked up something the IT guy didn't know
another story about a lamer...

> friend calls me in a panic.. only calls when there's something wrong with a computer

> <me> yo dude.. chill..whats going on?
> <m8> dude.. I was using my room mate's computer and now everytime i boot up internet explorer the home page automatically goes to a <incredibly dirty> porn page.
> <m8> she's gonna be home in 20 minutes or so!!!!

/me remembers telling him what to do the last time this happened: MALWARE.. but can't be bothered repeating myself.

> <me> well.. I really have no idea m8.
> <m8> oh wat! i'm gonna be fucked if i can't remove it! =((((
> <me> please excuse me, i have another call on the line.. i'll be right back.

/me hangs up the phone, diverts my landline number to a disconnected number.

Haha that was stone cold, bro. Pretty sure that's the last time he'll call you for help
This makes me rage so hard
it was. i was happy. just wished i could have seen the drama unfold at the house. i was told his room mate left not long after that 'incident'. moral of the story: don't be a fucking lamer. :D

This sounds like something that could have happened to me.


Right here, and it's still fucking golden to read through again and again
makes me want to hoot up a kindergarten
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I can't think of any other profession or skill that would be treated in this way.

If your car is acting up and you ask someone who knows about cars to fix it, you don't yell at them when they try to explain the problem in simple terms to you. You humbly admit you don't really get it but you trust their judgement.

You don't fucking say "I want a new car, I don't care if you can fix the current one" and then complain to the car expert when the new car doesn't have every single feature your old one did or have all the buttons in the same place.

God damn it.
where's part 2?
I repair computers on the side
you have pretty much described almost every job. Not that its hard but it takes forever because the quantity of bloat and age of the computers defy reason
>If your car is acting up and you ask someone who knows about cars to fix it, you don't yell at them when they try to explain the problem in simple terms to you. You humbly admit you don't really get it but you trust their judgement.
I guess common sense and decency aren't that common nowadays.

Jimmies have been rustled, bustled, and tussled.
pleb detected

there you go anon
post noodz dork

one more for the road... the life of a techie..

> /me was called to fix a computer of a guy that was a neo-nazi skinhead, a friend of a friend.
> was told that it may have had bad ram or something.
> arrive at the house to meet this skinhead and directed to the room with the machine - he leaves and steps outside.

/me is not a fan of nazi skinheads

> I boot up the machine, ran my tools disc in dos mode, everything was fine
> winxp boots slowly ..then the desktop picuture loads: adolf hitler. lulz.
> ram doesn't seem to be the problem
> ran anti-malware tools - many infections

so.. i'm waiting for the scans to complete..

/me copied a file over but DAMN. accidentally hit delete.
> /me opens up 'recycle bin'

> 500mb+ of videos with titles like ebony, ivory etc.etc.
> /me is curious so I run windows video player..

YEP. black dudes fucking white chicks.

>/computer: <scans completed> <malware removed> <rebooted machine to clear out the rest of the shit>
>/me then copies all the files from the recycle bin to C:\!YOU LOVE BLACK COCK
>/me shuts down the machine.

/me says: "all good, m8."
/skinhead says: "you're a life saver! thanks m8!" - hands me his cash.

>/me gets into car and leaves.
never heard of any complaints afterwards, surprise surprise ;D
anyone have the ending?
Once I had a 15 minutes argument with my father in law about Firefox. He insisted that it was a virus.

He also paid for Kazaa and Norton and now he's dead.
Is it decent money? I lack hardware skills (programmer in college, only know the basics of the machine, like putting one together), but thinking of learning it better partly for personal growth as well as some money on the side.
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How to repair peoples computers
1. Don't be a dick about money, if the person is poor, do it for 20 bucks. They are poor for christ sake. If they are rich, charge more but don't charge bullshit bestbuy prices or you will never get return business and get no word of mouth.

2. Tell them from the start that "I'll repair it, but I'm going to be a dictator about it. If you use bullshit software, you're not using it anymore. I will not tollerate shit like realplayer".

3. Install anything you will presume they will potentially use, PDF, Librioffice, codecs packs, etc.

4.If they like old video games. Install some old emulators and roms. You have no idea how much they were worship you if the person is down with that kinda thing and can play shadow run again or whatever.

5. Make DAMN SURE they are ok with pirated versions before you do a reinstall.

6. If they are old and use it as a facebook machine, get approval first but install something like ubuntu. (or make a small partition with ubuntu on it and call it their "backup OS". This is really impressive to them and they wildly appreciate it if windows ever crashes again.

7. If they are paying you well. Put in the extra effort. If its an old computer, tweak the settings for faster load times. If they are a teenager who likes cool shitz. do some ricing. Organize their shit.

8. If its an old person who has a bunch of small documents get approval and Install dropbox for them. In case they fuck something up and need to come back to you. Being able to save their precious documents will make them think you are god incarnate.

9. If its windows 8, Install classic shell.

I never get a complaint.
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>friend asks me to check his PC
>his Internet connection is down
>I sit on the chair and begin clicking around
>suddenly, his 2 younger monkey brothers and his father enter the room
>the father says to me 'Maybe there is no Internet because printer has no ink".

mfw they all fucking look at me for hte answer
dude how do you advertise your services?
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What would have happened it he put on a BIOS password? Bestguy faggot wouldn't know what to do.
I honestly do not believe that this ever happened nor do I believe you actually have a job at all.
>Tech support at university helpdesk
>One of the professors, a bitchy Indian lady, is a regular
>Everyone has to work with her at least once, minus the female staff (she refused to be helped by other women)
>Oh boy, it's my turn today
>She begins with a myriad of questions without pauses in between
>"I would like you to install Microsoft office and Matlab on my computer and take off this software that you put on last time because my computer is not working the same as it should..."
>Tell her lets do one thing at a time, start with Microsoft Office... 2006? That's not a legitimate Office.
>"It is from my home country, make it work"
>Look on disk, it is Office 2000, complete with crack and torrent info.
>Tell her I cannot install pirated software.
>She flips her shit, demands Matlab
>Sorry, we don't install that here, that is the math department's deal.
>Try to resolve 3rd problem, something about some programs are gone
>Turns out clean desktop wizard ran and moved all of the shortcuts to another folder
>Pawn her off to another staff because my shift is over

I have plenty of stories.
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ye shit was hilarious

another one:

>my female neighbour teaches IT in high school.
>got diploma from fucken zimbadwe
>asks me to help her fix her printer because it doesn't work
>i come over
>check the software

mfw when she fookin didn't plug it into power outlet
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>faggot in class is talking about the upgrades he will get for his pc
>ask him to show me what hes getting
>mfw shittiest i5 cpu and one of the most expensive x79 motherboards
>"you need to change the cpu or the motherboard"
>"no i dont have money for an i7 so im buying an i5 and then ill switch later"
>"but the i5 wont work at all on that mobo you should get an i5 2500k and a cheap z68 its all you need for gaming"
>"this is more complicated than think you should probaly do some research before telling others what to do"
>"ok then but dont you need a graphicscard?"
>"i already bought a hd3870 from a friend its a pretty beast card
>mfw hd7900 series was already released

god i wish i could have seen that arrogant cunt try to build his pc just to see him bend all the pins on his 500$+ mobo
Because ppl are just ungrateful and want everything handed over to them.

I was treated like a tech specialist from some generic IT store. Not to mention that the second time I got to her place (copypasted browser) she called her husband who talked to me like I was illiterate. I will forever remember the exact phrase he used: "If this problem exceeds your skills, then I'll take the computer to a real IT specialist". Never treated this chick with respect ever since.

Not so long ago her superior started to observe her work tho. Turns out that after 5 years of work she is incapable of sending an email without help. Feels strangely comforting.
>If its windows 8, Install classic shell.

That's how I got my dick sucked.
"did you turn it off and on again"
"is it plugged in"
If that woman is too dumb to install it herself, what the fuck would she even sue Matlab for?
Thank you good sir
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yep, sadly, that did happen.. that's my job: fixing machines of incompetent lamers, morons and the clueless.. it's enjoyable but it's not great for your mental health. that's why i'm now chatting in /b/ in my spare time. I've completely lost my mind :D
Not really a lot of money. I have a full time job, so it's not like I'm dedicated to it for support. My money depends on the customers. I get a lot of doctors and nurses who will pay around 40/80 for a repair. my poorfags I just charge 20 bucks. I do some work for a guy who runs a business. So he regularly asks for my help. He'll pay me 20 bucks for something minor. 50 for something more involved and 100 if he needs it in a rush. Also takes me out to dinner and discusses politics and shit with me.
Doctors will pay me around 100 to 150 but they usually need their shit done that day.
If it's a hardware problem, I go over it with the customer and make them buy it. Walk them through amazon and explain what they need and whatnot.
>after 5 years of work she is incapable of sending an email without help

... how? I'm guessing she wears tops that expose cleavage.
Stories faggot
>Most infuriating story:
>The entire time I worked at Best Buy
Tell the other stories
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>/me nods.

the horror.....
the horror.......
The worst part is, the employees were worse than the customers. I expected the customers to be dip shits, but not every single other employee.
I dunno, the university had some standalone Matlab suite that you could get installed through the proper channels. We were not the proper channels.


>Working summer
>Boring as fuck, wish I had something to do
>Regret wish immediately as an obnoxious woman comes in demanding computer help
>She doesn't actually have computer with her, so can't actually help much
>Doesn't stop her from staying for an hour
>"So I'm running CentOS, but he keeps hacking me"
>"This guy I know, he is cyberstalking me. The moment I plug in my computer to the internet, bam! He's already got everything even before CentOS boots"
>She goes on and on about how this person is able to hack her at all times
>Ohnoes, random dude has haxxed her firewalls and stolen her important documents that he is now holding for ransom and blackmail
>Other tech and I shoot each other a look
>It is very clear she is insane, so me and other tech just give her asinine advice to get her to go
>"You know, you two young gentlemen are very bright. I'm actually trying to start my own company and I need help making it"
>Spends another half hour describing her idea for a 'Facebook for people who need medical advice'
>Jesus christ at this point I'd pay her just to leave, but fortunately she wants to go finally
>"I'm going to come back later looking for more recruits!"
>Fuck no, tell her to call instead
>Give her the phone number to the Phone Helpdesk, don't feel bad since they've done the same to me many times.
Dunno, not my department. I guess she's really this fucking stupid.

+ cleavage won't do sice she's not the pretty sort, nor have nice boobs.

Anyway, those things doesn't matter. The only thing that reaches my heart is that she thinks herself authorized to complain about things she doesn't have any idea about.
And what really gets on my nerve, she calls everyone and everything dimunitive. Let's say you'r name is Ben, and she calls you Benny, even if that's the first time you're talking with her. Words such as 'computie', 'hattie', 'housie' are common in her language.
Bonus rage for calling Dorothy 'Dorotella".

This made me download Adobe Reader.
> dumb cunt boss with a below-90 IQ owns a catering service
> whatever...pay me
> "Anon I have bought a wireless printer... install it
> printer is just laying there...no box no cables nothing
> get to installing the software
> done
> grab printer
> "hey boss where is the powercable?"
> " Anon, I just told you it's wireless"

There were these like....5 seconds of disbelief, whereafter i packed my shit and left without saying a word

I refuse working for someone that retarded.
This guy is so lucky and legendary. I'm gonna start downloading adobe reader and act like him. Maybe I'll get a raise or something.
ITT: Neckbeards with no qualifications thinking they know something.

did she want to fuck you?
Yea show a random flowchart, that shows your knowledge.
It's not a flowchart and it's relevant to the subject
>have first pc for a week
>stepdad tells me his laptop has a virus
>asks for help
>I take a look
>virus is the worst I have ever seen
>malware, adware galore
>try to get rid of it
>clean up the laptop as best I can without a complete reinstall
>next day he comes back
>desktop is completely locked up
>work out its some clever virus that pretends its a windows update
>save his data and wipe laptop
>everything seems fine
>days pass
>my stepdad went to my dad after I "failed to get rid of the virus"
>my dad thinks he is master pc expert becuase he used to recover peoples data off drives using this magical cable. All it does it connect an internal hard drive to another pc.
>plugged infected laptop harddrive into his own pc
>virus spread
>windows updated
>now his computer and laptop have desktop freeze virus
>I come home from school
>stepdad is there
>"Virus came back"
>my dad is standing there with his ancient hard disk recovery cable
>my buttocks clench
>I walk into the computer room
>see my computer with the back open
>bricks form in my rectum
>dad speaks
>"the virus disguises itself as a windows update and infects other computers"
>we all stand there silently
>"your pc is also has the virus"
>poker face
>now have three computers all useless until they are wiped
>not allowed to fix them myself because I apparently "had my chance"
>call friend who is savvy
>he arrives
>we re-install windows on my computer
>uses disk to recover files
>loads up disk in bios
>all four of us stand around watching it go though all the recovered files
>suddenly realize everything on my computer is being listed by filename
>quickly try to get everyone away from the pc by saying its going to take a while
>nobody listens
>it gets to my porn
>bricks project from my anus at high velocity
>everyone has poker face
>i die
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Poker face is appropriate in that situation since everyone in that room knew that feel.
Here's one of my favs:

>Get call from Phones, they want to pawn a customer off on me
>Sure, it can't be that bad, pick up call
>"I can't connect to wireless"
>Start trying to troubleshoot, end up getting to her device manager and there is an unknown device, but still nothing
>Ask her where she is, turns out she's 90 miles north, nowhere near campus or wireless or anything
>Tell her that's why, hang up, think it's over.
>It's never ogre.
>Ten minutes later she calls back. Then after another ten minutes she calls back again, and even gets her husband to try to help
>Fuck me, tell her I can't figure it out over the phone and she's have to bring it in.
>"Ok I can come in tomorrow."

The next day:

>First of many phone calls for the day
>"I'm down at the loading dock, please help me carry my computer!"
>I head down to find an absolutely gargantuan lady at the dock and a desktop tower
>Carry it to the elevator as she waddles behind me, panting heavily
>10 mins later we complete the 2 minute walk to the helpdesk, get down to business
>She starts going on and on about "I want it to go faster, and have all of the viruses removed, and get it to connect to wireless, and reboot windows, and..."
>Oh thank jeebus, an opportunity to just format the thing and be done with it
>"And that will get off the viruses and make it run as fast as when it started and make it seem new again?" "Yes, just let us do our jobs."
>She leaves it, but incessantly calls every 10 minutes for a progress report and more asinine requests, like a new desktop background.
>Her desktop doesn't have wireless, but has broken modem. We reinstall windows but can't install the modem driver, it's just fucked
>Get her computer back, amazed that her computer is still running, thinks we're wizards
>Still get calls every 10 minutes until she gets home, where she claims to get wireless again
>Don't even care, please stop calling


...that's why it's called the inkernet
No its not, history of network protocols is not interesting.
Ever heard of truecrypt? Making a container with even just a simple password works wonders for stashing porn.
I would have fucking killed my family if they ever did this. My sister actually used to use limewire every single day.
or just be an adult who has porn and it's none of anyone else's business

fortunately I taught my sister well so she's more knowledgeable than my parents
Yes, still. You don't want all your porn just out in the open, for example when a friend comes over and wants to do something on the internet.
Nowadays I can just say "sure" without thinking they might discover anything.
this is like a bag of ice that cools me down after fucking >>555984990
thanks anon

hahahaha look at my ID
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>inviting friends over
>not showing off your porn collection
this is me right here, everyone always bitches "i have to fix your pc again" shit if you do it right the first time you wont have to do it again. it sucks for repeat buisness but at the end of the day you not only "fix" thier machine you prevent it from getting fucked again even if they love to download every exe that crosses thier path...most of the stories on here are from people who say "okay i ran some tools, machine fixed" without even trying to prevent it from getting fucked again.
I'm into cosplay porn. Japanese cosplay porn.
90% of my dled porn is japanese cosplay porn. That's generally not regarded as a "cool porn collection", so I hide that. lol.
6:30 am, can't sleep, fuck it more stories.

>Week before classes start, the dreaded Week 0
>Dorms have set up a 'Resident Technical Assistant' program, where a self-proclaimed computer-savvy person could help people on their floors
>Turns out most are completely incompetent
>One RTA in particular stands out as being particularly bad
>Sends a Korean gal who does not speak good English over to us, and she hands us a support ticket number
>Look up the case in our database
>"Yeah so I installed an antivirus and cisco clean access, but she came back and had another antivirus installed, but I couldn't uninstall it so you guys deal with it"
>Faggot couldn't recognize that 'Windows Antivirus 2011' was a virus
>Apologize to the girl for this guy's faggotry and get her working
>This guy's support ticket spreads around the office like wildfire, everyone thinks its hilarious
>Later hear that RTA got fired pretty fucking fast

Week 0 was always a wildcard. The year before:

>Working with a gal's computer to get it up to the university's strict connection guidelines at the time: Symantec Antivirus (not norton but still cringeworthy) and the stupid Cisco Clean Access bullshit
>Her computer is slow, end up chatting for about 2 hours until it's all done
>She gives me her number
>Boss walks over
>"Did she give you her number?"
>"Officially, don't do it again. Unofficially..."
>Proceeds to high-five me
>Just picked up someone at work
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you are fucking faggot.
thanks champ
>worked at hotel
>phone call from room upstairs
>"is there some trick to getting on your internet"
>no, you just connect to it the way you normally would
>"well it ain't working"
>ok, which network are you trying to connect to
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This is the first thing after countless years in 4chan that has pissed me off.
I have anger mangement issues and I would if went off.

Also I'm so happy that both my biological parents were and still are pretty damn good with computers despite being older. (Around 35-45)
>couldn't even get into safe mode
>running without antivirus for the last year and a half
>Implying anti virus isn't always a scam

>Implying you're the computer literate one just cause you plugged a harddrive into your computer
Don't be ashamed of your sexuality, son.
Own it man, make it your thing. BE the japanes cosplay porn guy. Or make more non-normalfag friends.
>work in desktop support
>User had phone wiped
>Why did you wipe my phone anon?
>dont blame me im trying to help you
>but why did it wipe
>idk how many times did you get the password wrong?
>really because unless you tried to wipe it it would not have wiped unless you got the password wrong
>no I just plugged it into the charger and it wiped
>you are lying
>I'm not
>fuck you why you lie to me
>lose job
  ?
? ?
>Working at Electronics section at Wal Mart
>Old woman approaches
>Old Lady: "Can I download internet for free?"
>Me: "Sorry, that isn't possible"
>Old Lady: "Pffff. Thanks for nothing. I guess they'll hire any idiot here"

You get a lot of retards in there as well.
>People buy cheap pay phones
>Majority don't know how to set it up
>Instructions on the box
>"Open Box. Put battery in phone. Call 1-800 number. Enter activation number. End phonecall. Phone is activated"
>Always have me do it, even though I'm not suppose to.
>While trying to navigate phone menus, get bombarded with 1,000 questions.
>Other customer have to wait till I'm done, they get buttmad because they have to wait an extra two minutes.
some people just don't care. for example:

>/me borrows laptop from friend
>/me downloads file.. opens up default folder..

>/me discovers video after video of stuff with titles likes 'chicks with dicks'

>/me says, "DUDE. what the?"

/me always assumed he was only into women.. like.. forever..

><m8> oh yeah.. excellent videos. you want a copy?


>/me naah thanks m8.

*what the hell just happened here?!*

><m8> oh.. yeah.. ok. never mind.. hey, wanna smoke this bag of weed?
><me> yes. yes I do.

my world changed that day.. everything I thought I knew about my friend of many years had be rearranged in an instant.. and he gave not one single fuck, like a true champ.
Post nudes faggot
>repair computers as side job
>can't really call it repairing, it's just deleting malware and shit
>always carry ' the magicUSB-stick ' with me
>whenever a person left the room i'd stick it in
>i'd also do it when they were in the room tbh
>when i'd plug it in a prompt would come up in the top-right of the screen
>"Would you like to turn on the antivirus?"
>-OK was the only option
>When OK was pressed. Every single browser username and password that's 'remembered' would be stored on the USB-stick
>mfw i let some people press OK so they think that they are fixing their pc themselves
>mfw they smile when i ask them to press OK
>mfw i checked every now and then to see the list growing
>the amount of stupid passwords some people make. Their exact birth date, their last name, sometimes their pet's name and three numbers

I've never actually done something with the passwords, which was initially what i was going to do. I just felt so powerful looking at the shit but i've stopped my devilish ways.

>mfw any 12 year old can make this 'magic usb-stick'
>internship at IT section at a social welfare work
>lots of old, handicapped or crippled people
>this one lady who calls almost every day is always on the PC
>she asks me to "download solitair" cause she can't find it
>the day before I was installing several programs (adobe reader etc.)
>removed all the icons from the screen cause I'm autistic and hate it when the screen is full of icons
>tell her she has to press start and go to programmes
>she yells at me saying it's too complicated and that she can't handle all this stress
>I go back to the office and the phone rings again
>It's her she wants to talk to my boss who's sitting next to me
>She complains about me and wants my boss to give me a warning
>He hangs up and just laughs
>For the rest of the year I was moving solitair to a different folder every day

Fucking solitair and old ladies man..
>Sorostitute can't remember her password
>We check it in as a general troubleshoot, plan to run a tool to dig up the password
>New tech opens up the laptop and starts it up
>Inputs random password because he think it would be hilarious if it worked
>Didn't work, but the password hint comes up
>'Name School Year'
>Second try he puts in her first name, university acronym, and 1990
>Password works
>New guy just made $20 for 0.1% effort

>Guy comes in looking distraught
>"I just spilled water on my computer"
>It was a beer
>Offer to pull his hard drive out and back up data
>"Oh thank god. Please just get my porn and anime"

>Guy comes in looking distraught
>"I just spilled water on my computer"
>It was bong water
>Open up computer to retrieve hard drive, a bunch of shake falls onto our desks.
>Guy gathers it up and puts it in his pocket like nothing happened.
>Why would anybody smoke a cocktail of shake and lint?
>Tell him to stop putting his bong on his computer, he just gives a defeated "ok"
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I just don't want to hear this stereotypical "LEL YOU'RE A WEEABOO" shit because I like cosplay porn and anime.
Only happens because of those fucking weeabootakus being obsessive.
OT cringe story:
>At MtG tournament
>Nerds and fatguis everywhere
>but there's one guy
>skinny, long hair, looking pretty feminime
>greasy as fuck
>wears anime tshirt with kawaiidesu grill on it
>takes out his fucking playmat
>doesn't stop talking about animu, see people trying to avoid him, he's just one tenacious fucker
>go back to my car
>see weird fiat 500 parked right next to my car
pic related.
Why would anyone do this. Because of this I can't officially proclaim that I like anything japanese without being regarded as a total faggot.
You have any links to good cosplay porn?

For some reason I think most of it is terrible.
Not computers, but I buy and sell cellphones for a living. Most calls go like this:


I have a Verizon phone. How much will ya give me for it?

>what kind of phone is it?

A touchscreen

>what kind of touchscreen?

A droid

>could you give me a model number off of it?

Doesn't have a model. Its just a droid. Dumbass

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>A surprisingly large number of people had porn of themselves on their computers
>Pic related, definitely on of 'em in her dorm room
>Return countless computers to people whom I had now seen nude
I think Mizuna Rei and Chika Arimura are awesome most of the time.
Really, you can't watch the whole thing though, some stuff in the beginning is unbearable. Just skip to the bj/fucking/whatever you like.
I guess I also have a thing for partly-dressed women, so that's another reason.

If I were in 'Murrica, I bet it'd be a pickup truck with "NERD WAGON" written on it.
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>Chika Arimura
Thank you, looks good.
I too think partly-clothed women look better than naked women most of the time but so far the cover of cosplay javs have mostly deceived me and I ended up disappointed.
>disclaimer: The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.


Most of these situations arise from not knowing how to handle people.
If you do not present yourself as a respectable person, you will not be treated with respect.
Clear language and clearly drawn lines go a long way.
Especially if you visit other peoples houses.
You have obviously never worked in the service field or had a job in general. Underage b&
>Skinhead brings in computer
>"I caught a virus, take it off"
>Check it in for a virus scan
>His password is "Der Furher"
>Desktop background was him and his buddies wearing swastika armbands
>Goddamn it Coeur d'Alene
>Not an uncommon occurance
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>be me
>be 12 years old, didnt have my computer for too long
>mfw my friend spend half an hour trying to teach me how to copy paste via ICQ so I could re-send a chain message
>mfw I was so desperate I wanted to eventually write everythin in hand because I didnt want the dead girl to come in the night
>mfw I was basically retarded
they're obviously photoshopp'd
>friends brother has had computer for years, worked once upon a time
>gf wants computer back. "hey anon can you have a look? you're good with these. had a tech friend look at it and couldn't work it out"
>graphics card rattling around loose inside, hard drive unplugged...wtf ok
>put it back together, win xp boots up, several folders on desktop labeled private
>mfw full of gf old pics wierd BDSM shit,fucking random guys and saved cyber convos. real private.
>put anti virus on, MS office normal people shit
Dude obviously never sat at a computer in his life
You need to remember that IQ is a mean bell curve--50% of people are below 100. You sound like you have never been in a situation where someone who brought their computer to you for help have tried to take a backseat troubleshooting position.

>Gal brings in computer
>"My computer is broken"
>"Ok, what's the problem?"
>"I don't know anything about computers."
>Blank stare
>Boot up her computer, Microsoft Antivirus 2010 pops up.
>Tell her she has a virus, will uninstall
>"Don't uninstall that, I couldn't get rid of it so I just paid for that last month"
>She took the scambait, tell her to cancel her credit cards, go to uninstall it anyway
>Calmly explain that I'm doing my job
>She starts crying
>Facepalming intensifies
>Get her computer back in working order, tears of anguish don't seem to leave
>Thanks me and leaves
>mfw I had to spend four hours teaching my friend's mom how to use a flash drive. Four hours later she still didn't know what the fuck she was doing.

captcha: fisting themselves
>Be me a twenty year career PC tech >help desk pic salesmen and oem >system builder. Current job at PC >shop in wealthy area. I manage the >store with one other guy who is a >close friend. We have about 5 >teenage kids working as techs >because the jew bastard I work for is >cheap as they come. Standard >practice for PC repair we take a 30 >dollar non refundable deposit.
> fat rich bitch comes in with ancient
> PC complain the hard drive we
> sold her won't work with it.
> one of the kids takes her deposit
> and lines it up for a diagnostic.
> fast forward two days later
> her PC is on a bench and same kid
> who took it in is having a look.
> he calls me over to have a look.
> our drive is hanging loose in the
> case with floppy cable jammed
> so hard into it the pins are bent
> the fuck up and it has no power
> attached. Thus woman assured us
> that the drive had been installed
> correctly because she was
>a "computer person".
> I take pictures of her "work" call
> and explain why she sucks.
> she argues with me explaining
> how stupid I am. Truth eventually
> comes to light that it's her bosses
> machine and she is getting paid
> for the work.
what the fuck are you doing
>20 year PC tech
>doesn't understand greentext
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>Mother is typical computer autismo
>Internet explorer with 3 toolbars
>Default search engine is bing and homepage is some weird search engine that kinda looks like google
>install chrome and make it default browser
>homepage is new tab page, not weird google ripoff site
>"I want my google back"
>"I dunno how to fix it"
>mfw she complains to father and he laughs at her
you failed
>be me, 18
>moved to a new city because fuck my hometown
>poorfag because 18, live in a shitty area with 2 lesbians and their kid
>both were fat, one was flaky but nice, other was a bull dyke with anger issues and bad tattoos
>work 10.5 hours every night at a warehouse
>getting ready for work one night, bull dyke asks if she can charge her ipod on my laptop
>fuck no (lived in the kind of area where you don't want people knowing you have a laptop. or anything nice.)
>put it away, go to work
>come home at 11 in the morning, find her on the couch with my laptop
>bitch what the fuck did i tell you
>sigh, take my laptop from her, don't bother listening to her excuses
>"I just needed to charge my ipod, I didn't download anything"
>mfw I get back upstairs with it and it's fucking crawling with viruses
>she had tried to download itunes from at least 12 wrong sites
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I see what you mean.
If I encounter people who are such kind I make very sure that I appear to be very straight, strict and clear, while still being what one could consider polite.
My ex-military background helps a lot with that. (although I am mostly a nice guy.)

I learned, that if I let them start to argue they will not stop.
This is especially important when making house visits.
>both mom and dad (they've been divorced for years)
>yet they do some things the same
>they want to go to a website?
>they type it in google search, not the address bar
>every single time
>it gets worse from there
Who the fuck is this faggot -Panda guy. Do you really just want everyone to know who you are or what? Why post on an anonymous board and announce who you are all the time? Go back to tumblr faggot.
That's pretty much my response when anyone ever asks me for help with pretty much anything. Nope, I don't know.
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I would then destroy every one of there personal belongings. Let them get mad, and continue to do so.

Let them pry it from my cold dead fucking hands.

This is why I am glad I am a single child, because of shit like this. I would of beat my mother like the whore she is, and soap socked my sister right in the woofer of a cunt.

>My jimmies are beyond rustled.
>be me
>age : Too old
>work on computers normal tech shit described in this thread.
Girlfriends dad, my flat screen monitor died after the last thunderstorm.
>did you have it plugged in a surge protector?
No but the computer tower was so that works.
>facepalm, not even gonna ask why they were separated, bring it over if you want and I'll take a look at it because it could be something as simple as the power cord simply burnt out.
Oh I have an extra cord around here
>cool, then you got this. Give it a shoot.
Two weeks later
Here is that monitor I told you about you can have it if you can fix it cause I bought a new one.
>rifle through my airline lugage bag of random power adapters, find one that fits, standard as fuck
>sure enough works instantly
Oh you got my old flatscreen working, you must be pretty good at this
>yea It was pretty messed up from that storm but I managed to salvage it.
You got trolled, hard. I do this shit to my legal assistant all the time. Never told her the driver was unplugged; going to do that so she gets down and tries to see if something is unplugged.
Install Linux on their computers
> we also had a guy bring his computer in to get the ported removed from his browser history before his wife gets him from business trip. He pays me extra to put his machine ahead of the line of other repairs we got lined up. Find said porn history it's mostly granny porn and a smattering of tyranny porn. I remove it all and call the guy to tell him it's ready. Fact is his porn ain't shit in comparison to the filth we see on a regular basis.
I can imagine scenarios worse than my best friend coming out to be gay. Would still be my best friend.
One of my buddies wrote a program to display a black screen with white text that scrolls the various files on a drive. Occasional the text is red or green. The program does nothing, he just goes to clients (which are mostly old people around here), sets up a scan for malware/viruses, then opens his program and sits there for 2 hour occasionally typing. They always massively tip him.
>Local teen kills family over video games
I'm always eager to help people out with their computer problems, and often I try to take the time to teach them something about their machine. To some people this is a godsend; to others, I'm just talking their ear off like they have better things to do.

Most of the time, the secret to being good at tech support requires pattern recognition and the ability to use a search engine. I straight up told someone at work once that I am basically charging them to Google things for them, and they replied, "Well why learn to do it when I can pay you to do it?" I was dumbfounded by this at first, but in her own way I guess she had a point. Do you want to wade through the shitstorm of top hits for your problems' search terms? I mean, a fuckton of people are computer illiterate but can describe a problem well enough, while others are knowledgeable but completely unintelligible (but can sometimes manage to say a string of words that make sense every so often in context). It's especially infuriating when looking up a fix for something has a first result linking to that pretentious "let me google that for you" shitstain of a website.

Maybe I should just put "Professional Googler" as my job title.
>Maybe I should just put "Professional Googler" as my job title.

Clearly you mean... "Database Code Interpreter".
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suprise would happen?
Rather, "Database Retrieval Parser and Interpreter of Manually Input Text and Parameters from Users." You know to make the title superfluous yet self-euphemistic-explanatory.

Or "Faggot" if you would prefer. That works too.
you realise that if you're above the 50%, then you shouldn't look down on people you class as stupid, chances are they are only of medium intelligence, they just seem stupid to you

made my whole life more depressing
The rage is fucking boiling up in this fucking thread. I love/hate it.

His mother and sister are both complete bitches. Computer illiteracy or not, they shouldn't be that bitchy. I have computer illiterates in my family but they don't argue like this whore
I found out my mom has gone through 7 different computers. She claims the hardrives go bad. I found out she deletes anything that she feels is "making her computer slow" like system32. She gave me all the broken computers.
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He's a faggot who was the "leader" of the UK anonymouse. Is it boring without a facebook group my dear?

your 11 year old cousin is 55 years old?
It's not really about looking down on people, it's just recognizing that some people legitimately aren't very smart. For some it makes them incredibly difficult to work with; for others, it's just an obstacle that needs to be approached differently and just explain things more simply.

One last story.

>In high school, got a job at the IT place in my school district
>They managed the websites for all of the schools in the district
>Most of the websites linked to an old WASL domain, which renews a domain every year but with one year higher in the url
>wasl2006.org expired and got re-bought by some porn spam company at the time
>One of the older guys in IT visits this link for whatever reason and starts throwing a shitfit
>Runs over to us
>We reply, "You counted?"
>Before we can really conclude what happened, he fits of rage out of the office again
>Don't see him again
It continues...
>this year sometime around Feb
Same guy, we had to evict some assholes from our apartment complex up north and they left 2 laptops behind we can't get them to work.
>bring over what you have
Yeah looking to sell them if they will bring in some money
>these laptops are 2000 and late man
>googled brand and model and pulled up ebay for sale prices
Well damn no good for anything but parts then
>well I can get them to work if you want to use them around the house for documents or for the kids schoolwork
Sure and you can keep the ugly one with the missing keys if you fix the other that still has the power cord.okay?
>sure throw $40 with it and I'll get it done.
>boot ugly PoS, BIOS password dell... fucking great....deal with this later. Other one boots up Windows longhorn... Lulz when bottom has XP media edition key/ loot :100gb of music from this goofy looking army brats ex-laptop/ rosettastone/ notice blue flash of light fucking camera with what I assume was lojack/ thank Odin this wasn't connected to web/ come here little bitch/ deepcleanse whole computer after destroying pictures of me and flashing everything that holds memory. Sticker of smiley faceover camera, look at that dickcheese. See it blinking periodically while looting and rooting. Lulz, complete wipe and fresh installs all around, camera gave up. Give back to g/f dad.
Why is that sticker there?
>idk I don't like the camera, it works though so where did you say you got these
Sticks to the story
You can keep the other one though thanks
>be me
>work for an ISP
>woman calls, new customer, internet not working
>ask her what lights are on on the router
>is it plugged ?
>no but it's a wireless router

>another one
>most retarded call ever
>woman call
>tell me wifi doesn't work
>ask her if she can plug her laptop with an ethernet cable
>tell me the router is too far away
>ask where is it
>tell me it's in the ventilation conduit
>what ? why ?
>tell me secret service is spying on her, she know they can see her through the router
>tell her it's nonsense
>tell me I don't know what I talk about, she's been threatened before and that they are observing her
>put on hold
>go smoke a cigarette
>fuck this job
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Never have jimmies been so rustled
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>no but it's a wireless router
As long as you don't pollute!
Yeah, you can't even grasp how stupid people are until you work in a call center.

In two years I've seen everything, you have to deal with retards, paranoid, people who try to explain your job to you but somehow call for help anyway. People who try to impress you but just repeat some words they read here and there... It's a fucking nightmare.
It's not excused. Stupid people are not problematic unless they refuse to realize that they are stupid.

Stupid people who know they are stupid never create any problems. They just say "Hey man, please fix my shit I have no idea what's going on"

What makes them annoying is not their stupidity, but their ignorance, and that's two different things.
i did computer tech support for a long time and heard a few silly ideas but nothing too ridiculous because they were calling to listen to me. one time though, i got this asian guy and people always thought i was being mean to laugh at him but it was fucking hilarious when he said:

"i down-loh... net-ah-scap-ah navigatah". it had a rhythm to it.
Give php tips to friend. Mention HTML. Bystanding bitch barges in: "I know HTML!" Proceed to ask her what she's used it for, knowing what to expect because HTML is nothing by itself.
>The first thing I made with HTML was a hit counter for my piczo page

She copied a bunch of HTML to add a hit counter to her fucking Piczo page.
I understand, I understand, I'm currently teaching my grandma how to use a computer, she's doing well but it's funny having to explain what seems so evident in a really careful and precise way. Like using CCleaner. This shit is the simplest thing ever. I still had to explain step by step. I'm lucky to be patient.
lol i feel your pain bro, I am officially ' the computer guy ' in my family and now my GF's huge family. Anytime anything on any piece of technology breaks they ask me to come and fix it. And mind you I didn't care doing it for my family of four, but now that I mistakenly shared my 'talents' with my GFs huge family of like 20(extended family all live in the same fucking town) I am there personal computer/tech slave that takes payment in the form of thank yous, laughter at their own stupidity, and the occasional grandma cookie.
I actually think it's their stupidity that makes them annoying, cause it's their stupidity that makes them deny their obvious ignorance... That's the way I see it.
Are there really sheeple this gullible to believe this piece of adware/malware/shitware does anything useful?

Sure is summer as fuck here. 10/10 troll making me respond.
Is she a feminist by any chance?
Stupid ugly people are the worst.
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Lol still cant get over nigga makin grandma use cc cleaner....
my roomate put tin foil over the router because he thought the microwave was fucking it up.

meanwhile, in reality, his computer had problem and would try to use ip adresses that were already in use.

i gave him a static ip and now it works fine. but not before he bitched about every possibility being the problem, cause for some reason his computer having an issue is a personal affront to him?
>history of network protocols

>hoot up a kindergarten
>Hoot up
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One from my early days with minicomputers.

Ask someone to send me data on a disk. Small envelope arrives with 8-inch disk - folded in half and half again. It stayed pinned to the noticeboard for several years.

I also do general electronics repair and I've never had anyone scream at me for fixing their stuff, but with computers it seems common if the smallest thing isn't exactly as it was. I put it down to being hostage to a machine they don't understand and fear, and take it out on the repairer.
>searched everywhere for tutorials on how to flash this fucking dell.
>remove battery.
>lulz fuck my life when battery is under everything. Completely disassemble laptop take out battery. Enter password... fuck
>do it all again to put battery back in.
>ubuntu on flash drive with a few tools
>no surprise longhorn here too
>change admin rights to all profiles/remove passwords for windowsvista and longhorn boots
>run newly aquired "russian hack" for getting dell bios password reset passwords
>sucess, go into bios, change password to "something easy"
>loot legit office keys, more music/ old tyme movies
>lul'd at Morpheus and limewire
>Wipe and vista auto reset
>nojack on this one to worry about, stickered cam anyways
>looked up keyboard, $10; power cord $30 good to go.
>be me
>dad buys lappy for my great aunt last christmas
>gives her the gift, they decide it would be great if she left it with me for a couple of days so I can remove all the bloatware and update to 8.1 and all that bullshit
>she is frantic about earthlink being her home page and search engine
>I explain how retarded this is
>gets it back from me a couple days later
>can't understand why no internet explorer
>"where's the internet?!"
>can't understand why netscape or earthlink or whatever the fuck isn't home page
>can't understand why her "Recipe" search bar at the top isn't there like normal
>horrified to think about how many toolbars her other comp had
FURTHERMORE: I noticed poor people like to use these garbage programs. Its snake oil. Stoo buying pabst or smoking pot for a while and SAVE some money to buy new puter parts. Upgrading is easy and no program is gonna make up for ur shitty hardware. Doesnt matter how many printer spools or those 10 background processes (that u couldve ended yourself easily in the time it took u to find ccleaner or supposed booster software) you stop. Fuck fuck fuck y are some of you people so stupid.
>being this retarded
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>using gf macbook pro to browse for gifts for her parents anniversary
>her cousin comes in
>says "don't buy anything on that"
>i ask why
>she says "its more expensive to buy things on a macbook pro"
You live with your step dad and your real dad?
>"your pc is also has the virus"
what kind of family is this?!?!
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>be me
>2 days ago get invited to movie night at friend's GF's house
>she knows i torrent and I am 'the movie guy'
>she asks me to get 22 jumpstreet.
>that movie came out like a week ago
>tell her no its too soon for movies like that
>asks me why,
>then explain to her difference between dvdRip and Cam quality
>she has no clue what I am saying
>I tell her we will find another movie on popcorntime and stream it its easy
>get to her house day of party
>20 people are there
>she wants to set up a projector in her backyard
>Bitch is the worst host and totally unprepared
>shitty projector from 2000's
>no HDMI port for my 2013 Macbook pro
>no power plug for the projector
>asks me what I am going to do to fix it
>20 people angrily waiting staring at me
> Bitch this isn't my house If it was all this shit would be in order and working
>I mcguyver a new power plug for the dumb projector out of an old radio power plug, cut my fucking finger carving away plastic so it fits
>'jeez anon wtf are you doing? you crazy' says party host
>i am trying to save your stupid fucking party
>finally get power cord carved out and projector working
>realize I have no way to connect my mac to her old ass projector
>get her shitty walmart hp computer from like 2005
>512mb ram
>download popcorn time(movie program)
> discover at this point her internet is the shittiest internet I have ever seen.
>speedtest.net'd her home wifi
>mfw 1mb/s
> no way will we be able to stream anything
>ask girl wtf is wrong with her shitty internet
>I end up tethering my phone
> after all of this bull shit i install program half the party-goers are gone at this point because the shit took so long
>everything is set up outside with projector and computer
>'ANON pick a movie'
>after all of this i pick ride along with kevin hart and ice cubed
>suddenly she walks by and knocks computer off of table.
>breaks computer
>ends movie night
>i leave
>only reason i did all of this is because girl was qt (9/10)
>You counted?
My sides exited the earth at escape velocity.
I tried to explain greenhouse gasses to my mum and she downright refused to accept that water vapor was one. Then her know-it-all friend joins in and (obviously) takes her side. Stupid fucking cunts
>suddenly she walks by and knocks computer off of table.
that fucking ending, kek
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Mom buys new hp notebook and printer.
>notebook doesn't have optical drive
Mom can't figure out where to put install disc for printer
>mfw she bakes shit tonnes of goodies and pies to get me to come over to set it up.
>wireless network printer needs no disc for setup, came with one anyways, told her it was full of spam and junk she doesn't need clogging up her new computer.
>keep it with the box incase you need to take it all back one day
>show her how to connect it and have her write down step by step in actual notebook.
>everything up and running
>mfw pies coming home with me
My power went out and it won't connect anymore
>is it still plugged in to the surge protector?
Yeah I moved it though
>go over there plugged into wall but not the back of the printer.
>still mfw rage is buried by oncoming diabeatus

She already has you around her finger. She has already lost interest in you. Good job anon.
my girlfriend thinks IE is the best browser and uninstalls every other one i put on her computer

it infuriates me
>>fuck you why you lie to me
what's wrong with ccleaner?
nigger for a '20 year pc tech' you sure can green text.
Apparently some people get butmad over you using a program to clean up your disk and fixing registry errors.
>mfw yet no picture
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> says ccleaner is adware/malware/shitware

> confirmed for kiddy pleb that thinks because he built a computer in his basement once or twice that makes him a "tech"

Don't tell me, your idea of a "tech" is someone who works at bestbuy.
> /me

what the fuck is wrong with you
>to get the ported removed from his browser history before his wife gets him from business trip. He pays me extra to put his machine ahead of the line of other repairs we got lined up. Find said porn history it's mostly granny por

the thing is i already have a girlfriend and it is not like I want to date this girl, she is my friend's GF.
She is just so fuckin hot haha
I'm afraid you misunderstand me, the issue is that there are droves of them
>be doing volunteer work
Stopped reading after that. Where the fuck do you think you are, you helpful piece of shit?
hehe i ran outta text.
after I left she appartently went to a redtube?
and rented a physical dvd for her and her BF to watch after everyone left.
i didnt know people my age still rented dvds
> Be about 2001-2003
> Grandparents get a new computer
> Get "high speed" Internet
> It's early 2000's so still slow as shit
> I'm looking over my grandmother's shoulder because she's looking something up for me
> Clicks on a link
> Loading bar with a blank white page
> She starts wiggling the mouse over the toolbar
> "What are you doing?"
> "When I do this it loads faster"
> Invisable facepalm
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>fucktard narcissic pervert got himself in charge of a voluntary organization my mother volunteers in
>meet the fucktard in a family dinner, as he's also banging my mother's best friend
>brags about him knowing all shit related to money, as he works for French equivalent of IRS (ie all he knows about money is stealing it, and spending it for the most stupid shit and giggles)
>brags about having spent shitloads of the contribution money of the association, just so to buy a fucktarded very expensive accounting software nobody in the association knows how to use
>ask him why he didn't install something free instead, seeing as the amounts of money they deal with are meager anyway
>tells me it's impossible to get free software for that, as it requires certification for such a software being legal to manage all the accounting for a voluntary association (France... a communist shithole)
>ask him the name of the certification
>google it, and bang: FOS software exists with just the proper certification
>fucktards answers me it must be pirated software, as those certifications are very hard and expensive to get
>laugh at him
>tells me he knows errything about money
>asks me how they could have paid for that
>teach him the difference between product and service business models
>teach him that someone saw the use of paying for the certification of a free software, as it's still less expensive on the long run than what he bought
>fucktard had never though it could work like that
>fucktard still proud of having spent shiloads of others' money for a fucktardingly expensive software no one in his association knows how to use
>claims to be computer literate
>posts .gif
>its a jpeg
fucking faggot

so like...one video?
Here is a recent one:

>Friend's sister, old classmate of mine
>"My laptop broke, I have all sorts of important stuf! I have my year's final project inside" (kinda of a massive fucking problem in Italy)
>Brings it to me
>Boot. W8 BSOD
>There is something wrong with the boot.ini
>"I'm gonna need the intallation disk to use the recovery tool"
>"We threw it away"
>You bitch what
>With the W8 serial I can at least download it and install through USB
>"Can't find it"
>Then I'm gonne have to wipe out
>"Can't you like whipe out the problem, but not my files?"
>Spend hours tring to find a cracked W8
>Meanwhile she stalks me on whatsapp every few minutes
>That's it. Open laptop, get harddrive out and copy files on USB
>Semi-nudes of her gf and fluffy shit (yes, she's lesbo, 2/10)
>The "final year project" is a fucking .txt file with 4 lines of text.
>Give her her broken laptop back and USB
>"Figure it out yourself or buy a new one"
>She still has my USB
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he should check his privileges. if men made computers that were female friendly, we wouldn't be having this discussion.
inb4 feminazi
they had a right to be bitchy. he lives under his mom's roof. it's her way or the highway. he's lucky he isn't my son
work for an autistic retailer / ex car salesman / south of the border immigrant who spent 10 years in LA selling bmws, thinking he all tough shit.

now he has an online store and i work for him.
ive designed programs that can spy on his competition, keep track of his inventory, and monitor products that people appear interested in..
Did this all in my spare time..

yet the dumbshit still takes hours out of the day trying to explain how he wants it done, how he wants his business to operate, which is really the dumb fuckest way possible...
doesn't think there is anything of value in the programs i made, which are basically a marketers wet dream..

he doesnt understand technology, doesnt keep track of his books, his sales or expenses.

His business is going to fail. i tried to save it, but i no longer care.
dovevi comunque chiavarla a spregio. Mi deludi Anon.
Love these threads I feel your pain being the family IT guy. Its nowhere near as bad though mostly simple things. What programs would you guys recommend for better pc maintenace and peitection?
Currenlty using CCleaner for most problems.
that was truly awesome. 10000/10 best story in this thread imo :D
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Please god tell me this is bait....otherwise, you're just another stupid cunt....and stupid cunts need to just STFU and stay off the fucking computer.

Nuthin, has its uses. This is /b/ remember
i dont get this why complain about a problem without trying to fix it? i mean litterally nothing is stoping a women from being a programmer other than herself
Asexual here, 2/10 was just for reference
I used CCleaner for registry error/deleting temp files and malwarebytes for regular scans. (I got a free premium key)
>be me at work
>project manager fancies himself a computer pro, is macfag with basic understanding of stuff, completely overrates his knowledge
>has the entire department convinced he's a tech god
>have macbook pro at work, shit suxx
>upgrade to mavericks because project manager uses it at home and is tired of sync issues
>after upgrade my macbook immediately starts having weird problems
>looks like firmware issues
>Google that shit, is firmware issues
>tell project manager and line manager about it plus how to fix it
>am told that this requires a professional
>2 weeks in still nothing solved
>3 weeks in they call a genius and have the motherboard ripped out, put new one in
>still doesn't work
>me still pointing out how that's a firmware issue that can be solved
>4 weeks in they decide to wipe the thing completely and set mavericks up again
>me pointing out how maybe we should try mountain lion again since that worked
>mavericks reinstall
>new problems appear, fucking broken piece of shit
>haven't been able to do my job longer than a month now
>talk to IT, suggest downgrading to mountain lion
>project manager macfag approaches me, asks why I've been talking to IT
>tell him again. about the firmware issue and try to explain
>guy looks at me all serious, lights his pipe
>"son, I know about firmware. it's impossible to fix firmware. I had a firmware problem once and needed to get a lot of hacking to fix it. hacking is hard, VERY hard"
Bump to keep thread alive
Most famous bread I ever toasted in
>hacking is hard, VERY hard
>ive designed programs
screenshots of programs.
Too bad most of it was bullshit tho, cool story worth reading.
>takes first networking paper
>thinks he is now the smartest
Fucking genius
I don't believe this is real. There is no way.
eh. its actrually online and it contains information about his entire business. If i released it to 4chan it would destroy him.. fucking tempting
A guy that I did a build for did nothing but bad mouth his old.computer, consoles and console players, then went running to his neighbour to brag that his new build was better than his neighbours ps3, someone else's Xbox, blah blah blah.. I asked him if he was ok installing steam to the new storage drive, yea sure I know what I'm.doing..

Next day I find he sat for ages downloading a game he already had a backup for (and I told him) and installed it onto the system drive not the storage drive... I could have choked him... Especially after all his big mouth bragging and I know what I'm doing bullshite... Just like John snow, he knows nothing...
My jimmies have become more unstable than ununoctium
thats what you get for using norton

I'm going to have nightmares about this shit.
every fucking time i read that shit, jimmies ruslted hard.
I'm lucky that my dad knows how to fix basic software problems and that my mom recognises her own ignorance and just lets me fix shit and she accepts it when I'm right.
>mom cant read text on shit tier website, it flashes for a second then ia invisible until refresh
>anon halp
>prnt scrn
>paste in mspaint
>omg anon you're a hacker!!!
>explain that i took a screenshot
>Be me.
>Girlfriend's father rings up ranting about his computer not working and not letting him watch the tv.
>*sigh wtf*
>have to drive 30+ fucking miles because he lives in the back of nowhere.
>Spend 30 minutes listening to him rant about "fucking BT wankers" etc stopping him from doing stuff.
>1 minute later, I realise that the TV he is trying to watch is on the BBC website and that he can't access it because the family filters are set to strictest setting.
>...why the fuck the family filters blocked the BBC I don't know but whatever.
>turns out that he specifically asked for the strongest filters to stop "all that sex and porn" from being on his computer
>spend another 30 minutes waiting for him to find his BT password so I can disable the family filter bullshit only to have to listen to him ranting about BT and computers as if it's their fault and not his.


He'll be ringing up moaning about his computer not working after deleting his system files next knowing my fucking luck.
fucking wow.
I got one
>be me
>sitting in class in uni
>projector wont stay on for more than 1 min
>teacher calls for IT tech
>cant work out whats wrong with it
>2 more IT techs arrive
>they conclude it must be the bulb
>one of them says must be the bulb says he changed it last week
>there is a small led on the projector saying temp
>all that is wrong with is it need the filter cleaning out which it has a warning for on screen
>wasted like £400 on 2 new bulb's that we not needed
>take prerequisite computer literacy class in college
>first day
>discuss how to turn on the computer, use a keyboard and mouse, open programs
>what the fuck this is unbearable
>people are asking questions
>people in their 20s are asking about how to open programs and use right clicks
>meanwhile I'm dicking around online
>fuck me I'll just muscle through the semester surely it has to get better
>2nd day we learn how to start a word document and how to save it
>we get assigned homework
>make a word document and save it to a flash drive
>that's it, I'm so done
>that was my last day of college
>dropped out that day and have never looked back
Bump to keep bread fresh
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>be me
>be yesterday
>talking to my old neighbor
>im bitching about how my new internet is slow
>she tells me to go buy a new server
>buy a new server
>a new server
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>hacking is hard, VERY hard
wait what
>AMD is not a good piece of software

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Damn OP. your thread came at the right time
>pretentious father who thinks he knows shit
>watching shitty History Channel documentaries with his friends
>Something about evolution of man comes up
>I happen to be there
>he starts spewing his wise ass comments
>on how humans are just one race and blacks came to europe and became white
>can't hold the cringe
>I try to tell him in front of his bros that you shouldn't get your info from a tv show
>that there are other theories and that the internet is better updated
>he shouts on how the contents of that show is "science"
>implies I'm religious and don't believe in evolution
>conversation stops akwardly
>still cringing/raging since yesterday
well i might as well contribute.
>Friend of mine bragging about his new PC that he will get
> says that its a great machine with beats audio
>instantly knew it was a piece of shit with the way he talked about beats
>ask him about other specs on the rig
>2TB hard drive and a gaphics card "better than the PS3"
>can't take this guy seriously with all this
>try to suggest prebuilding is much worse and less efficient along with it being more expensive and how it would be smarter to just buy parts individually
>says that he needs the 2TB hard drive for his music because he only had a 300GB hard drive and it was almost full of his music
>whenever i try to convince him of something else he falls back on how great 2TB is and that he has to have it for music

He is a good guy all around but he was just so thick headed about computers. Ech.
I know the airplane companies boost the prices for tickets depending how often you go to check them . They go int-o your cookies or something to see . Following the same logic this could happen if you don't know the prices for something.
Humans as we know them now originated in Africa. Then a group split off and went to Europe, possibly bred with Neanderthals and did god knows what else. But yes, we were once the same. I bet you're a white supremacist or something?
this is actually possible because the could render differnt code depending on your user-agent.

yet surprisingly snake -like business model.
I don't disagree with that exactly. The point was it's not as simple as a poor documentary and it's much more complex than the narrative most people think.There's a variety of theories,each one being pondered.That's science.
There were many different species of hominids at the time. the Out of Africa theory is being challenged by new fossils found in Asia. no racis
Fuck that class. Every college/university has that pre-req for whatever fucking reason. Thankfully I tested out of it, my girlfriend however missed the deadline for testing out and had to do two semesters of it.

Holy shit some of the homework they got was hilarious. One was "Go to such and such website and write down the headline of the article"

I shit you not, some people actually had trouble. Motherfuckers 18-30 having trouble with going to a website. How in the fuck, I could understand if they were in their 50s/60s/70s etc but that is just idiotic.
I also work as a repair tech and NOTHING pisses me off more than the "lazy user".
>i put a CD in my cd drive and its not working
>explain how to open My Computer
>When you put the CD in there, does anything change on the screen?
>no now im putting USB stick in and its not finding it neither
>Okay... Can I please confirm that you are in fact putting the CD and USB into YOUR OWN COMPUTER?
>wtf of course i fucking am wat do u think i'm... Oh, oops, my bad. lol was puting it in stephanies computter next 2 me lol
>The word Fucktard was uttered for the next hour
In a nutshell.
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>pc can't run games I like
>my dad wisdom:
>you just need to reinstall windows you got to much programms
>prove him wrong
>reinstall everything, it still works like shit, no surprise really
>maybe it's needs more ram
>mfw I have an ecdl diplom and he tries to call me a "computer pleb"
your customer was an engineer
Red box* red tube is a porn site lol
>anon my new printer isnt working my husband installed it for me and it wont working
>Okay, when you say "not working", what exactly happens when you press print?
>nuthing i dont press print please come do it for me
>All you have to do is press print, it's not that hard, surely you've done this before?
>yes but im afraid i'll brake it further plz come do it for me
>Simplest fucking job and she's flailing around in metaphorical shallow water a metre from the beach while sharks rip her toes off
>Okay, fine, I'll take a look. Can you show me exactly what you were doing to try get it to print in the first place?
>see anon printer wont print its broke
>After I disposed of the body, I mounted the axe on my wall as a memento.
>be me , guy tells me he builds computers.
>go around his house he just assembles them.
>hey guy you should come over my place.
>comes over sees my computer that takes up half a room.
>wow anon what operating system you use.
>Don't have one it's called a quantum computer it uses algorithms to solve problems.currently using interger fractionation.
>hurt durr I thought they didn't really exist.
>ok please leave before you say something else that stupid and I lose all respect for you.
>not knowing quantum computing in 2014
>being this potato

Story goes from rage to top kek. Good job old boy!
The thing with asians is that it is thought that there were two groups who left africa.
The asians left first and buggered off to asia to fuck and eat rice and hit eachother with swords
Then the other group went to europe and stuff happened and the plague
long story short, they evolved separately from eachother or something

may have just thought of this
high as fuck
>read niggas green text
>green text gave me aids
>interger fractionation
Lost it.
Why in the hell do you use a quantum computer?
That's why I'm saying it doesn't make sense to say the "human race".
Humanity as we know it was ,hundreds of thousands of years ago,comprised of a variety of species. The racial differences of today come from that fact. We are one species now but it's not simple nor pretty.

Watch this video. Food for thought :
>Be me trainee Accountant
>self taught in a number of languages
>funicular director asks if I can't help with printing invoice attached to email ( he knows I'm savvy in this sort of stuff)
> 300+ per day
> write script in VBA to export all attachments with inbox of shared mailbox
> then .bat to print all files
> test test teats and test again
> all working fine
> job is completed by the click of a single button
> boss so baffled he decided it must be f'king witchcraft or something
> tells me he doesn't trust it and then calls IT dept asking if there is software to do it..
> Technician confirms my script works fine ( non programmer but some understanding)
> boss goes online and can't find an out of the box solution
>FD gave him a motivational talk about he know hates me
> but all is good because I am qualified and earn nearly double his wage.
I'm starting a group called.
Super anonymous.
It like an uber haxor on steroids on more steroids.
Like the Lance Armstrong of haxors.
fuck i hate that shit!

MFW I am pulled from Magnolia because italian manager for HT couldn't sell stereos like me.
Dad was coder - I'm coder - Brother is engineer
living the easy life...
duh, otherwise they couldn't have left earth
Welcome to being a doctor. My patients come in thinking their google-fu 2 stronk, they know better than me

>don't want to hear my opinion on what's really wrong
>want validation they are right
>refuse all treatments I recommend
>come back in 2 weeks angry that I didn't fix them
>talk with my uncle about windows 8 touch screen functionality
>he starts telling me that there is a sofware that can turn a normal screen into a touch screen
>tell him that this is no way possible
>keeps arguing with me that it could turn his cathodic monitor into a touch one

He still believe that he is pro with computers.
>learn to greentext
I hate when people don't even know basic shortcut commands like Control-C for Copy and shit. It's not THAT hard to remember the basic ones.
You can do that.
It's called facititated LCD conversion look it up.
It not hard to do can write the code in python in about thirty minutes.
This story makes me upset
>When people still think "delete system 32" is heehaaw hilarious.
It should be delete windows x84 now that would be a kek.
>be me
>live with dumbshit of a mom
>have to label everything that even has an on and off switch toggle in the house
>every time she was an asshole I removed the labels from everything
>had to call repair man every time she couldn't get something to work
That is the speed at which things leave Earth, yes.
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