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Can we get a work stories thread, /b/?
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Can we get a work stories thread, /b/?

I'll start with a short one.
>working at Menards
>standing under sign pointing to the bathrooms
>nigger walks up
>"hey muh mayne wheres da bathrooms be at?"
>don't say anything, point up
>"oh, okay"
>get a call later from GM
>nigger filed a complaint on me for disrespecting him
Hah. niggs can't into white boy humor
>get job
>get pushed around
>get annoyed
>get angry
>get fired
Story of my life

No stories?
My job is too boring to produce any good stories.
>be working at WalMart
>ringing up huge toy purchase for some 10 year old twat and his landwhale mother
>kid pays for toys with a $200 giftcard
>ring up giftcard
>hand car back and explain how the card isn't activated and I can't accept it
"Well then why don't you activate it?"
>mom speaks in really uppity, suburbanite accent
>I'm sorry, you have to go online to that, I explain
"I don't believe a word of that young lady. You'll be lucky if you don't get fired."
>walks away with her crying kid, giving me the evil eye
>later that day, get called into manager's office
>tells me a customer called in and claimed I had been extremely rude to her and accused her son of stealing a giftcard
"I'm sorry, Anon, but unless we have evidence you didn't do as this woman said, I'm afraid I'll have to write you up. You need to be more respectful, Anon. I'll expect more of you in the future"
>I essentially got written up for not telling a customer what they wanted to hear
Work for WalMart? I hear it's literally one of the worst jobs a person can have.
That's the kind of thing that's made me walk out of previous jobs I've had.
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>work at decent Ice arena
>hot rich moms all the time dropping off the kids
>im 21, hockey whole life, solid 1/10 no doubt
>I get paid to get numbers and give these milfs 'attention'
>they don't fuck around-- I don't even want to deal with our generation

'Work' :)
Fellow Wal-mart cashier here. I want to say I feel your pain, but I don't. At my store, we aren't punished for customer complaints, only warned. Then again, I've only been complained about twice.
The first time, some customer called in and complained about me putting produce in with canned goods (stuff got crushed). I had only been working for about a week.
The other time... An old crotchety bitch in a baseball cap made me restart her order after I had already scanned all of her large items via the hand scanner, then she made me void it all so she could go complain about my "attitude" and "scowl" that I had when she told me she wanted to split her items into four orders. The bitch sat at the CSM podium complaining for 30 straight minutes. I never made a face or said a word other than "okay" (neutral tone) after I had begun voiding things off to start the first order.
>I was told to smile next time, and no, I don't do that every time someone walks up.
It depends on what position you have.
It is pretty bad, in general. Low pay, managers that don't give a shit, bitchy customers, unhelpful fellow employees, etc.

It kinda is. I've worked at KMart and WaWa, and they treat both their customers and employers WAY better.
Here's another one from WallyWorld:

>all cashiers are told that, in order to increase trust between our customers and our employees, we need to start "trusting customers as if they're family"
>manager essentially says that if a customer claims they can get a better deal somewhere else, we should just give them the better deal, even if they lied about the price they saw in the store or if they don't have evidence of a better deal elsewhere
>pretty soon we have posters advertising this around the store: "If You've Seen a Better Deal elsewhere, We're Listening!"
>surprise, surprise, customers start getting greedy
>"the price on this coat was actually $10, not $25"
>"retard, those apples are only $.40 at Safeway!"
>"yeah, KMart is selling this for a quarter of that"
>another shocker: our bottom line isn't being met
>after two weeks of this bullshit, one of the head managers calls a special meeting
>calls out top five "worst offenders" who have "given away" the most merchandise
>thankfully I'm not one of them
>the top offenders were: a highschool girl, an old woman who had been working there since last year, two college girls, and a teenage boy
>manager informs the highschool girl and old woman that they'll be terminated from their job by Friday
>other "top offenders" are placed on "probation" and have to be "retrained"
>the girl and woman who were fired actually started crying
>manager's exact words: "None of that, now. You know what you did."
I'm with this guy.

That's one of the many reasons my company will probably go bankrupt before I have time to quit.
I got one
> be me
> be working at a library
> herp derp, working
> job is boring and easy
> retards could do it
> retards do do it
> man walks up
> "Anon, where are the computers?"
> computers are literally everywhere

this happened almost every say
Car Wash stories here. Any interest?
Wow, easy way to shift the blame for their own incompetence

Another Menards story.

>Assistant GM has the ability to overwrite prices
>guy working for some summer camp buys canoes
>"b-but they were $50 cheaper at x!!!!!''
>Assistant GM honors the deal
>total losses were like $900
>corporate fires him, no warnings/fines
>assistant GM never had any issues the 15 years he was here

I feel bad for him.
I'm listening, anon.
I'm listening
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I can somewhat relate.
My roomie works at Best Buy (amazon's showcase)
>people come in everyday of all ages, races, backgrounds
Questions are asked to him 8hrs/day
>what is a keyboard for
>why do I need microsoft if I'm buting this ($120) computer
>I need 3 tablets for under $300 for my new business

People are idiots, man....
Club bouncer here.
>At my usual spot by the bar
>Dude stumbles past, head down and drooling
>Tell him he has to go, let him find his friends
>He talks to his mate, who hands him a drink
>Tell him again he's had to much and needs to go
>Looks me dead in the eye and sips
>Grab drink, point to the stairs
>As we get to the top of the stairs, he grabs the hand rail
>Flailing front kicks all up in my face
>Avoid one, grab him and force him to the ground
>A knee on his arm and chest and holding the other arm
>Hes screaming and thrashing wildly
>Point in his face and say "SETTLE THE FUCK DOWN"
>He grabs at a metal bollard poll and hits me once, block the second one and pin the arm again
>Back up comes up the stairs
>1 grabs his collar, another and I grab the legs
>I hook it under my armpit but old mate just grabs it by the ankle
>Halfway down the stairs just starts stomping old mates cock
>Put him down and beat the shit out of his body until he slumps
>Take him outside, drop him, walk back in

Fuck I have a stupid job.
I'm all ears
Fuck autocorrect. *day.

> be me
> still be at library
> $12 an hour to do nothing. Good for teenager
> man who will be called Ray sitting at computers
> full bike gear
> thinks he is cool
> isn't cool
> frequently hits on the female Teen Librarian
> one day she asks if he only ever wears his bike gear (he literally has never worn anything else to the library)
> "oh no, I wear polo shirts, those never go out of style." pokerface.jpg
> I step behind a bookshelf and die
another one, but this happened to a friend

>friend is in charge of overseeing self checkouts, keeping an eye on people potentially stealing shit, needing help, etc.
>suddenly a middle-aged guy comes up with a basket full of wrenches
>set heavy-ass basket on counter and brings out a wrench as if he's about to scan it
>suddenly starts beating the screen with the wrench
>not just whacking or breaking it, but beating the ever-loving shit out of it from every possible angle until what it ended up as couldn't even be called a self-checkout any more
>every customer is standing back in horror, the guy seems crazy as hell
>old, southern homo manager (who actually fired the people form my last story) calls the cops
>situation is handled, man gets tased after three fucking cops have to tackle him down
>as soon as he's gone manager starts flipping out at my friend
"what was that? why didn't you stop him? do you know how much this is going to cost to replace? I can't believe you risked the safety of others just to stand back and relax!"

needless to say my friend quit soon afterward
Are those kinds of interactions common?
Very well

>deal with fat lazy land whales all day
>land whales always bitching about how their shit car that is falling apart doesn't come out brand new

>people constantly begging to have us clean their car for them
>always telling them no and to gtfo
>their cars are always trashed to hell
>food thrown all over usually rotting
>drinks spilled all over to the point you can't even tell what the normal color of the carpet is
Retail and working with the general public is straight up bitch work. Shitheels and consumer whores will treat you as sub-human simply because they can. It's a way for them to take out aggression and feel better about their own plastic fantastic chickenshit lives.
I usually take my car to get cleaned every couple of weeks. I never let it get ridiculously messy though, it makes me feel like a duck if I do.
>one day fat landwhale comes in get her car washed
>exits the wash and immediately starts screaming about some shit
>go over check on whats going on
>start going crazy about how I stole her kid's ChuckECheese tickets
>have no idea what shes talking about
>she goes into super sayian mode and flips shit screaming at other customers how the wash stole from her
>manager comes over to deal with fat bitch
>after 5min of her screaming she realizes she threw away the tickets herself and get pissed off we didn't find them for her and demands free shit
>boss comes out and tells her to never come back and proceeds to call the cops
>she instantly jumps in her car and leaves
When I used to bounce every Thursday was "urban" night. After close when we would clean we would have a huge pile of hair weaves that got lost when bitches would fight.

Any girl fight stories anon?
A duck? Since when are ducks notoriously messy?
I meant to say dick. But I heard they're right messy fuckers.
>worked at Jack in the Box while in high school
>early shift one day
>two fat spics come in as soon as I finish opening my register
>they only order $7 dollars worth of food
>pay with $100 dollar bill
>register only has $150 in it
>they get mad when I have to pay them in fives and ones
>they complain to manager
>manager tells me if I get one more complaint I'm fired.

Fuck that place, I've seen coworkers drop shit on the floor and still serve it to customers
all sorts of unbelievable shit goes on that I would never expect to happen there

>people have a hard time trying to figure out what fucking neutral is

>old people bitching about how they are on a fixed income and they deserve a free wash

>had an old guy fall asleep in the tunnel that takes about a minute

>old guy gets his carwash
>employee drying off cars at the end
>old guy rolls down his window to give a tip
>end up rolling his window with his hand still out with window
>begins screaming and can't figure out how to roll his window back down
>employee gets in the passenger seat to roll the guy's window down
I just got a job at wall mart in Canada as a overnight stalker. How much off a assfucking am I in for? I got hired as a temporary and they giving me full time hours is this normal or are they testing me or what?
I got a story to tell.

One day, we were really busy and some guy called in for his wifes (or daughter, I don't really know) prescription, wondering why the insurance wouldn't pay for it, insurance only pays for like 2 pills per month, so he had to fork out money for the rest (Weren't even that expensive, like 2 dollars a pill.)
That took 20 minutes to settle, so then before he hangs up, he tells me to get his ready, which was a total of like 6. I say theyll be ready and hang up, print the labels and forget to count them because I had to go and do something else (like I said, we were really busy)
He comes in and not a single thing was done, would have taken all of five minutes to get them ready, forever hates me.

Same guy comes in the other day and I accidentally switched a bottle that he didnt want that day. Comes in and makes a big deal out of it and tells me not to serve him again.

Other than that I just deal with old people and druggies all fucking day.

Fucking pharmacy man.
> still at library (I worked there all through highschool)
> Be derping around, not working as always
> hear a commotion near computers
> probablyjusthomelesspeople.jpg
> look over, the homeless people are entertaining
> fat bitch is screaming at guy. Both homeless youths
> girl hits guy
> ohshit.jpg
> guys friends hold him back
> he's he'll a posted
> librarian come over
> calm down guys
> man storms away
> party's over
> man comes back
> jklol
> he starts yelling
> conjures beer bottle (literally, nobody saw it before now)
> places it on the ground and stops on it
> beer everywhere
> what a waste
> man pushes librarian for no reason
> everybody leaves
Middle-aged white guys who think they're tough and/or sexy are some of the worst customers. But the worst are obviously the niggers, especially if you live in the South

>be checking out land-hippo sheboon wellfare queen
>has three-foot-tall hair, the waistline of a fucking small lake, and enough half-naked, crying, screaming niglets to make Harlem look like Beverly Hills
>ringing up a fuckton of frozen dinners, cookies, and just overall shit food
>sheboon is constantly beating and screaming at her kids
>caries a baby in nothing but a diaper on her hip
>suddenly goes quiet and smells baby
"uh oh, looks like Shan'ee'qu'i'la'qua'a's's diaper"
>she sets her niglet on the fucking conveyer belt near her groceries and undoes her baby's diaper
>lliquid shit starts leaking onto the conveyor belt
>quit scanning her items and tell her she's not allowed to do that
>she starts screaming at me, calling me a little cracka bitch, trailer trash
>meanwhile, the conveyer belt is still going, with diaper still on it
>diaper falls off the belt, smell of nigger shit wafts down the line as diaper hits the floor
>other people in line look at sheboon in shock, horror, and disgust
>sheboon flips out and leaves the line, leaving me to deal with a mountain of unpurchased merchandise, a line of impatient customers, and a pile of rancid shit smeared on the conveyer belt and floor
>manager loses his shit and starts chewing my ass in front of the customers
>even though he saw me calmly address the woman, he still acts like I'm to blame for what happened
>says I should have been paying closer attention to customer and her kids
>some old as hell customer is standing nearby and hears what my manager's saying
>walks up to my manager and taps his shoulder
"Now listen here, flit. That young lady didn't do nothin'. Wanna get mad at someone, get mad at yourself, lettin' all these spics and niggers in the store and expectin' her to babysit 'em like an fuckin overseer"

old fucks are great
I love some old people.
Don't ever, for any reason work for TJ Maxx. Terrible company. They pay minimum wage for you to do everything in that store from unloading trucks to loading furniture into customer's vehicles to mopping floors, to running register. And some of the customers were downright miserable. They actually offered employees insurance for their pets, but never mentioned insurance for the actual employees. It was like a sick joke.

>Working register
>Late 20's/early 30's woman with newborn child come through
>She's nice enough seems like a normal transaction
>She bought a large chair
>I bring the chair out for her load it into her escalade for her
>She seems suddenly annoyed
>Tell her to have a nice day, she says nothing, no thank you let alone a tip
>As I'm going back inside see her get in the driver's seat and immediately get on her phone
>Not 5 minutes later the store manager approaches me and asks me why I did not talk to that woman's child
>I shit you not, woman actually waited until I loaded her chair into her vehicle then immediately called the store from her vehicle and complained that I did not "acknowledge" her infant child
>Manager tells me to go home for the day
>What? Why?
>"You don't need to be here right now."
>Fuck you, I'm not coming back
>I lost my $7.25 per hour, 12-16 hour a week pittance job
>No tears were shed
Just another example of company propaganda bullshit getting in the way. Not that I even bother with these shit jobs anymore, but I learned pretty quickly to avoid places altogether that "treat the customers as if they're family" or "really reward those go-getters that give 110%" yet everyone still gets no more than minimum wage.
The place I work now, my boss may be an idiot, but at least he's real with me. I do a good job, he buys me beer, I do a bad job and he tells me to stop fucking around, simple as that.
If you're a late-night stocker, you've landed a pretty sweet deal. Especially if they're being nice enough to give you full-time status.
Most WalMarts in the U.S. only give employees (including managers) part-time hours.
At least in my experience, fewer assholes come to WalMart late at night. Just weirdos, but not assholes.
>Be me
>Working at walmart
>walking through the electronics area
>see brother grab a pair of headphones and head to the bathroom
>check bathroom 5 minutes later, see nothing
>look up and spot a box stuck on the ceiling by chewing gum.
At least once a fortnight.
Ha shit, we have to deal with hip hop crowds on Fridays and they're always the worst. I have plenty mate.

>Notice two Aboriginal girls getting in each others faces
>Ask them what the problem is
>Completely ignored
>They have 2 others with them, a guy and girl
>Explain to me they're cousins, and its all good
>Try to get their attention again, wave a hand in front of their faces, nothing
>Suddenly its on, bigger girl grabs her by the hair with both hands
>I grab her wrists in one hand and push them to the door with the other so she cant actually yank
>As I'm moving them, girl 3 starts biting my arm
>Push 2 girls, turn and push her onto a couch
>Dude takes a swing at me, duck under and throw him down
>Pick up 2 girls, still fighting and start carrying them to the door
>Dude takes another swing and connects to the back of my head
>Push girls again, hit him with a 1-2
>As I turn, 1 girl has made it to the door and they have some distance
>Turns and throws a bottle
>Just misses my head
>Grab girl 3 and dude, drag them to the door
>Mates at the door suddenly notice the commotion and lend me a hand with the others
>Back to work, shirt covered in blood
When you say bike gear, I just picture some fuck sitting down, reading a book with fucking kneepads and a helmet. Please tell me that wasn't the case.
>young douchebag kid comes in
>drives a '67 Chevelle
>half way through the wash starts to panic
>puts his car in drive and starts turning the wheel
>drives straight into the fucking wall
>car is literally falling apart after
>hood falls off
>parts laying all over the place
>starts saying how the wash put his car in drive and turned the wheel
>we manage to get the car out
>somehow its still drivable
>kid gets in it and is screaming
>puts it in drive to try and peel out
>ends up slamming on the gas
>tbones a customer pulling into the lot
>bitches some more about how we made him get in another wreck
>cops show up
>guy gets his car impounded for driving with suspended license
Jesus christ. This is why I hate wal-mart and corporate America in general. The corporate higher-ups are so fucking removed from reality and everything gets blamed on the minimum wage slaves. So fucking backwards.
Same here
What? Why?
Is that really a serious offense?
Pretty close, actually. He wears the tight shirt and compression short things. You know, the apparel of the frequent bicycle commuter.
>>Work at a chain petstore.
>>Get warned about "the bird lady" by a few other workers a few weeks in.
>>She calls the store, dipshit cashier transfers it to me.
>>Shes made because her parakeet is playing and won't drink it's water.
>>Complains she lost a parakeet when she let it fly around the house with the windows open.
>>We were supposed to bring a ladder and come get it out of a tree.
>>Complains I don't know shit about birds. (Admittedly my expertise is reptiles, not birds)
>>45 minutes this goes on.
>>Finally I had enough
>>"Ma'am, is there anything I can ACTUALLY help you with or are you going to waste MORE of my time berating and belittling me. There are customers, ACTUALLY in the store who LEGITIMATELY need my help."
>>Hang up before she can say anything else.
>>Week later boss calls me into the office
>>"Anon a customer complained you were being rude to someone on the phone? I'm gonna have to right you up."
>>Fucking bird lady.
these threads are why i'm always nice to people in retail.. all the shit you guys have to put up with is insane.
I don't have full time status I'm a temporary with the chance of becoming part time but im working 37 hours a week. I have Stories as a Staff Cadet Working in Vernon I have plenty of stories if any one wants to hear them
I'm listening.
By the way, are customers in Canada generally better-behaved than in the States?
I also work at a car wash and I had this really old guy drive into a small stone walled garden that is next to the drying lanes at about 5 mph and when I walked around the car and asked him if he was okay he had no idea he had hit anything. The really scary thing is while talking to him he seemed completely normal apart from not noticing slamming into the stone thing.
>have a job at electronics store as a sale clerk
>its also an internship for school so i get paid 50% of the time and intership paid 50%.
>internship ends so i tell my boss
>he's like alright
>2 months later i didnt get more pay for the days i worked
>go talk to my boss
>"i don't know about that, do you have it on paper?"
>discussion arises
>guy just duped me out of 350euros
>resist the urge to strangle him
>i drop the subject and go back to work
>steal a memory stick pro duo and an ipod nano from the store
>turn into a general slacker
>late for work almost every day
>he tells me to be on time and do my shit
>always reply with: "i'm sorry sir, it wont happen again" in a super polite fashion
>still come in late and slack around
>boss calls me to his little office
>he is acting superior
>lean forward and put my elbows on the table and look at him nonchalantly
>pisses him off to no end
>he starts yelling: I WANT YOU THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE
>yes, that has been clear to me for a while but thats not going to happen is it?
>he throws me out
>laugh my ass off
>quit few months later just because
>go back there and find out he got demoted and transferred to another store
The funny part is almost every other place I've worked at is both more efficient and more understanding than WalMart.
At KMart I actually got wage increases every few months and good employees were recognized.
>>nigger filed a complaint on me for disrespecting him
>then we all laughed about it in the employee lounge

>be in office as security guard
>door closed
>has like 3 signs on it
>everyday same people
>run right into the door

annoys the shit outa me

more minor annoyances

>people running into my door
>unlock door
>don't say anything because if they read they'll know when it's unlocked
>stare at me
>i stare back
>they try their luck on the handle again
>tfw it opens
>hey can I get a new pair of glasses
>I have a window next to my desk that they could have just stopped at
Time for the best one
> man comes into library
> everyday shot
> he has child and wife
> normal shitty family, goes to wreak havoc on the children's section
> man goes to bathroom, leaves wife and child in library
> time passes
> more time passes
> in total half an hour passes
> patron comes up to desk and says man is passed out in bathroom
> call 911, EMT's come
> passed out guy is father from earlier
> passed out because he overdosed on heroin while in the bathroom
> is being resuscitated in front of his toddler and wife because of his OD
see this is different because you actually make an attempt to clean or have your car cleaned. Everyone that comes in that gets their car cleaned out tends to have never cleaned their car since they have gotten it. People come in with used condoms, used tampons, moldy food, ruined carpets, seats ripped up, crap falling apart everywhere, dog shit, pet hair all over, anything you name it, and they expect that their car is going to come out brand new. There is only so much we can do and this isn't a detail, we aren't shampooing the car on the inside.
I did that for a couple weeks my first semester in college when I was 18. Some really tall, skinny retired stat trooper kept trying to talk to me about christ and how I need to read "my bible". Some fat fucking redneck dude kept trying to get me to come over to his place and chill and drink beers but the vice was all off. Later found out the dude was a registered level 3 sex offender.
Petstore guy again
>>Mexicans 9 times out of 10 buy parakeets and/or shit tons of goldfish.
>>8:15pm, 45 minutes to close, a herd of beans enters the store.
>>Their brood of rabid children scatter like roaches.
>>They walk by "hi there, need any help?"
>>"no, no, we look"
>>they walk over to the parakeets
>>15 minutes go by ask again
>>"n-nooo we look"
>>work on closing shit, papers, drawers, ect
>>10 minutes to close announcement, they're STILL there
>>Ask again
>>"we look"
>>5 minutes
>>9:57pm "we wan de birds"
>>they buy parakeets...one for each of their 7 children
>>checking out, its now 10:15, took forever catching the ones they wanted, God forbid I catch the wrong soon to be neglected bird
>>"OH we need fish too. 40 of the goldfish"
>>have to stop and wait for new guy to catch them. Dumb fuck actually counted them.
>>They go to pay in cash. $10 short.
>>they put a few things back, pay and leave.
>>takes up 45 minutes to clean up the mess their unsupervised children made.
>>on the way out, lock the door. They're in the parking lot. One of the kids let a bird out of the box.
>>I wasn't racist before. I am now.
>"I don't believe a word of that young lady. You'll be lucky if you don't get fired."

What kind of sick fuck dangles a job over your head like that because they were in the wrong.
Oh yeah, and Asians always try to exit through the emergency exits that say "alarm will sound" all over them. General nuisance but we can't do shit.
Yeah this job honestly scares the fuck out of me when old people come in. old people should not be behind the wheel. Terrible reaction time and can barely see where they are going. There people that have died because of some old person running them over and still don't even notice they ran something over.

I've talked to some old people and they say they aren't even allowed to be driving by themselves without another person with them, and yet they still do.
Did your manager bitch at you for closing so late?
No, you're a fucking decent employee that shows up on time and does their fucking job. Seriously people don't get how hard it is to find an employee like that.
>>I need 3 tablets for under $300 for my new business

You could get that easy on e-bay
>>Petstore guy again
>>bout 3 years in
>>every manager loves me
>>customers love me
>>I just like to talk about reptiles all the time and this job lets me do that
>>woman comes in irrate
>>evidently she was sold a chameleon, tank, and entire setup but the bulb for the heat light burned the plastic crossbar on the screen
>>shes screaming at a manager about it as I clock in
>>"that guy! Thats the mother fucker who nearly burnt my house down!"
>>I didn't help her, it wasn't my name on the contract, I wasn't even there the date on the receipt
>>swears up and down it was me
>>boss covers for me, refunds her
>>few months later, im in on my off day picking up supplies for my reptiles, bugs mostly
>>she sees me
>>I complained to your corporate about you, you'll lucky they didn't fire you
>>"ma'am. Im not on the clock, and im not in uniform, so please, let me finish my shopping and you better either get used to me, or find somewhere else. Im not going anywhere"
>>store gets an email next day, she complained again about me to corporate
>>Iget offered a manager position
Nah, he actually bought me a soda for my patience...win?
I believe this

>dad bought me my first car
>ford focus station wagon
>pullin in dem bitches yo
>tells me it was the most disgusting thing he's ever seen
>car was burn and black from him ashing cigs
>spit tobacco spit on the floors
>never cleaned it
>he finishes and the car is fuckign spotless
>never let my car get that dirty ever
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Apart from old people, do you ever get the douchebags blasting their music and texting at the same time or the people who somehow misinterpret one or both hands like my pic as accelerate?
I generally find that having a clean car makes driving less stressful. I couldn't drive around in a shit heap that doubles as a trash can.

And really? Used tampons? Fuck.
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Yeah, or anywhere else. But no. They go to Best Buy. To get overcharged up the ass for the most mediocre shit

Its theft, and he doesn't care, because as an employee, you get bent over, screwed, and spit on when done. Its sad. Thats why sad people work there....
>working shoe sales
>old crusty woman comes in
>She says "Time for new shoes"
>I smile for commission
>Suddenly I look down and see her "old shoes"
>A pair of 25 year old new balance that are literally falling apart.
>Geezer says "I have worn these for over 20 years".
>That Fucking Smell .
>I told her I had to go to the bathroom
>I puked and went home
>never came back
kill yourself.

she's not even flaunting the fact she's a grill.

the TITS OR GTFO thing is for camwhores, you newfuck.
yea they are I find allot of Americans are very selfish and get pissed when things don't go there way

And okay let me start
>Be rank of SGT
>kid comes to me crying
>what happened?
>SGT Anon told me my bed has more wrinkles than his grand mothers cunt and all the other cadets laughed at me
>deal with kid and teach him how to make bed 1 on 1 in my free time
>Kid talked to Platoon Commander and told him about how i showed him how to make a bed properly
>Platoon Commander freaked out at me about how im not making sure I'm not taking enough time to get rested (Guy was Bipolar)
>Next weeks training pan comes out and I'm on duty for 3days straight
Petstore guy again.
>>Woman apporaches me one day.
>>Asks how good I am with fire bellied toads
>>"bombina orientalis? Ive kept them since I was probably 7 or 8"
>>She asks how to sex them, she has a group but doesn't want babies
>>explain captive breeding requires several key things or they simply wont breed, the risk of accidental tadpoles is slim to nil, but that males make a soft duck like call and during the mating season grow pads on the insides of their thumbs and pinkies which are very difficult to see with the naked eye.
>>" oh cause I read on the Internet that if you squeeze their heads, only the males scream"
>>I had nothing to say. I was literally speechless at that.
>being this new
fuck it i got one
>walmart last year
>im 20 working in garden center 2 months in
>old man 60's at least buys 10 bags of topsoil
>one of my duties is to help load peoples dirt orders
>i help him and he actually picked up at least 4 of em outta 10
>mexican guy rides up mid 30's tops with his son probably 17-19 yrs old
>tells me he's going in to order 40 bags
>it begins
>him and his son goes inside while i start
>they come back out a little bit later im about halfway done almost
>both of them start talking in spanish and i hear the phrase "grasa moreno"
>now im a big black dude not obese but definetly chubby and im no fool but it looks as if they are making fun of me
>mind you they still havent helped with any bags of dirt and im like 30 bags in now
>now the jokes aside im already pissed cause the whole time hes talking to me in this thick mexican accent telling me how he doesnt want any ripped bags and how he wants em stacked a special way
>anyway i got about 8 bags left to go so they hop inside the car to let me finish
>i picked the last five bags up from the bottom making sure to rip two huge palm sized holes out of the bottoms o each one as i set them down on the truck
>dude got home with at least 200 pounds of topsoil everywhere back there fuck him
Full time college student now, but I used to do pest control

>are you spraying sugar water
>can you pour me some of your chemical so I can keep it for later
Or better yet
>"I have roaches everywhere!"
>dirty dishes piled to the fucking ceiling smelling to high heaven
Or the occasional person that would follow me around spraying Raid on top of anything I would do. Retards.
no one decided to tell that guy to go fuck himself?
>firing people for following orders

Terrible reason to be racist. How about blame dumb HUMANS?
Hmm sounds like poetic justice

Only time I bought anything from Best Buy was a HDD because I needed to download ESO before it released.
>work at walmart as a cashier in the ghetto
>Two fat broads walk in, one is sunburnt all to hell
>huff because they have to wait in line for 5 minutes
>I ring up their lawn chairs, not the cheap kind
>"Ma'am I'm going to have to check with my manager to do a price check"
>Manager calls me in later
>"Anon we got a complaint that you were very nasty to a customer and she had spent over 100 dollars"
>That sunburnt broad only bought fucking chapstick after I told her I needed to get a price check
>Didn't get written up because since the woman lied about how much she spent, manager was willing to bet she wasn't truthful about my behaviour.

I have more stories
Pleb, go fuck your cat and leave us.
It's okay to be new, leave him be...
no. Mexicans are so fucking out of it 24/7 its not even funny.

like they have no idea what's going on around them. just fucking blank stares trying to piece 2 simple fucking things together. its like watching a baby put the shapes in the holes, except infuriating.
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>be 'jack of all trades' of a small company
>basically the IT guy, janitor, coffee guy, research and development, etc.
>on a friday, most people are working on another location, including the boss
>have minor experience in customer service.
>company phone goes off after few hours of work.
>get a woman with a speech impediment, says she demands a refund on a certain product.
>"i'll look into it, could you give me your full name and order number, madam?"
>she sounds utterly surprised that I don't know out of my head which product she ordered, or what was wrong with it.
>after 15 minutes of insults and slurred speech, find her order.
>it's a towel, bought half a year ago.
>she demands full refund, because it wasn't the right colour (red), even though I can see she bought a blue one.
>explain to her that you can't return products like those after half a year of usage.
>she demands to speak to my superior.
>pretend to talk to someone else, make footstep noise, lower my voice.
>"yes, this is anon.inc, how can i help you?"
>lies about me 'verbally assaulting' her, says i said that she could fuck herself with the towel.
>assure her 'I' will be severely punished for this behaviour, ask her what she initially called for.
>"ah, i see the order here, but it seems you bought this product half a year ago. due to hygiene standards, we can't accept this product used."
>she rages and hangs up eventually while i try to contain my laughter.
Petstore guy, this one is good...at least I find it funny.
>>Going out one day to grab carts
>>Winter so I throw on my coat and grab my ball cap, I was kinda in a really bad mood.
>>See 9/10 at 3.14 walk by me. Eye contact. And Im grabbing carts like, no chance.
>>See her in the store later with a manager by the hamsters.
>>Offer to take over
>>We chat it up, I tell her I breed reptiles, and she asks for my number
>>thinking hell yeah.
>>we go out the next night, shes like my cousin is one of the cashiers there
>>then says "I asked you out cause you looked like Dylan klebold in the parking lot"
>>why do I know that name...from a band?
>>he shot up a school in Colorado
>>never text that bitch again, best not to stick One's dick in crazy
>>Next 3 weeks her cousin keeps coming at me "why wont you call her anon? Why wont you text her anon?"
>>work was awkward when I was scheduled with the cousin
its not OK to be a faggot, though, and that's what's happening.
Its ok to be new, its not ok to be a braindead turdsandwhich.
HAHA that's fucking rich
I guess, but it's not like either of you should get offended by it.
>16 yrs old
>first day at marble slab
>get ~2 minute "training session on how everything works"
>hr later negress walks up and orders
>complains about how long it took but sits at table with food
>comes back up complaining about hair in ice cream
>long black strand, my hair is light brown and short
>she bitches at me
>manager walks up and starts bitching at me
>calmly take off apron and just walk out of the store while they are both squawking at me
Never again will I work in the service industry. Mad respect for the people that actually have to out up with that shit.
Both of these are Fucking awesome.

I work at McDonalds so I naturally get middle aged woman bitching to me

>fat, ugly, late twenties bitch starts lying to me about her order being wrong
>I give her a sincere look, deeply apologize, and give her some free shit
>start eyeing her off even though she is ugly
>by the end of the transaction she wants me to be up inside her

I do this all the time with middle aged females. Its actually pretty funny
What a fucktard. What was his deal? Drunk?
Ever get a house wife to pop a button or 2? Man that bitch wanted it right then and there
this is funilly true
Niggas got this down to a science

times and everything
Here's not entirely wrong. I work with a bean now, dude needs to be directed everytime he finishes a task. But damn can he work. Hes great at the job, but doesn't understand the mechanics of it.
and its just a warehouse distribution center.
Im a pretty good looking guy. I honestly get females starring me down every shift I work. Whenever I royally fuck someones order up and they come back angry I pit the charm on, its actually funny because you can see them getting angry at themselves because they can't stay angry at me. Countless times I've had hot females say inappropriate things to me on the late shifts
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Harassing wimmins for happening to be wimmins pressures them to share fewer lulzy stories.

Harassing camwhores for being mindless attention fiends, desperate for eyeballs, pressures them to stop shitting all over the board. Bitch above me was contributing, and if not thanked, at least not harassed.
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I worked for Wal-mart in Western Maryland as Asset Protection/Loss Prevention.

>Followed this really suspicious group of people around the store for over 3 hours...
>They had baskets full of shit
>They must have spotted me and ditched their shit...
>Stop them anyway, they had nothing.
>Fired before next week for making a bad stop.
>They get banned from Wal-Mart in the next store down the highway less than 1 week later for stealing.
I started a better paying job and just keep the petstore job on weekends, and I just don't care to be there. So I spend 8 hours hitting on chicks all day. Get shot down alot but whatever. They stopped expecting me to work cause I claim Im letting the new people do tasks to learn them.
But if a person is on /b/, they aren't leaving anytime soon. While I agree, fuck that dude, no need to get mad about it,
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>They get banned from Wal-Mart in the next store down the highway less than 1 week later for stealing.
Were they black?
>"jack of all trades"
>the bitch of the company

Pick two (2).
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I called him a pleb and told him to go fuck his cat. I was chuckling to myself when I said that. Ain't anywhere near mad, bro.
Be me working at a funiture store women comes in with a return. Its large about $350 and the registers dont have that much. I tell her company policy is that we can mail her a corperate check or she can have store credit. she is probably vietnamese i think but she looks me directly in the eyes with anger and says you wouldnt do that to a white customer. i stop in my head im just wut? but i say ma'am its store policy we dont carry that much cash in a register storms off angrily ask manager to talk t her cause fuck that.
They were white trash, worse than niggers in my book.
A picture is worth thousa...
lel dont even know wtf you guys are on about but the fact you had to explain you arn't mad is a dead giveaway umad

people are fucking stupid

I always leave professionals to do their thing, except when I was a kid and we got air conditioning

These russian dudes were teaching me everything.
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No work stories here, but I got a story of a time I went to Walmart when I was 7.

>be me
>7yo, look a bit like a girl
>walk in to buy some bubble gum
>fucking hubba bubba niggas
>get to cashier
>nice guy at the cashier, looked like a biker so I was scared at first
>bionicle tattoo
>"wow thats so cool"
>conversation about bionicles for 5 minutes because nobody else was in line
>pay for gum
>on my way out of the store, 3 guys that look like high school students, maybe grade 11 step in front of me
>nobody is noticing
>two of them grab me by an arm
>other one walks behind me and starts kicking the back of my legs
>starts kicking harder and harder each time
>I start to cry, and my cries turn into screams
>crowd forms around us, old people trying to tell them off
>see something moving closer in the crowd
>its the fucking cashier
>this shit belonged in a fucking Jet-Li movie or some shit, I tell you.
>cashman bolts through the crowd and punches one of the guys holding me right in the jaw
>see a bit of blood on asshole's face
>other guy gets behind him and grabs him arms
>cashman doesn't fucking care
>flips guy over his shoulders and onto the ground
>fucking elbow drops him
>the last guy pulls out a steak knife
>I shit you not, that was a fucking steak knife. DINNERWARE.
>steak knife guy lunges toward cashier
>scared cashier might get hurt so i start crying
>my tears probably fueled his rage, now that i look back on it
>cashier pulls some crazy fucking disarm move
yes mexicans are retarded

that's why they work simple jobs us humans don't want to do.
TJ Maxx story. We had 3 doors to the store, 2 to enter, 1 to exit. From inside the store, the 2 exit doors have big red signs saying DO NOT ENTER. The exit door has a big green sign saying EXIT.

>Baby-boomer aged dude shambles up to first entrance door with big red sign saying DO NOT ENTER, naturally the door does not open. He stands there starring for a good 30 seconds.
>Walks up to second entrance door with big red sign saying DO NOT ENTER. Of course it does not open so he stands and waits.
>Finally walks up to door with big green sign saying EXIT, the door OPENS FOR HIM and sure enough instead of exiting he turns to me (I'm watching this from the register) and screams in that raspy older man voice "HOW THE HELL DO I GET OUTTA HERE?!"
>Before I can reply his walks walks up and they leave
>Later on the wife called to complain that I had somehow "confused them about the exit."

I honestly have to wonder WTF is going through these people's heads.
Furniture store guy again

Its a faily upscale store not too bad usually good customers closing one day female co workers is being talked to by the manager i over hear them as i go to supply closet " sorry so and so you'll have to do it its the womens restroom use the gloves and be careful" I come to find out some women had smeered shit all over the restroom and she was made to clean it. Like i don't even know what would a make a person want to do that but im just gald i didnt have to clean it thankfully.
lel, i make twice the minimum wage for doing simple shit like bring coffee once in a while, or to fix a computer, all while I get paid to learn programming language as well. if that makes me a bitch of the company, so let it fucking be. better then whatever mcjob you have, m8
>flips steak knife guy over his shoulder in a similar fashion to the second guy
>giggle because excited
>cashier picks him up and throws him into a nearby desk with free samples on it
>kicks the guy square in the chest
>table fucking splinters, but doesn't break
>steak knife man slides off the table
>someone had called the cops
>cops run in with tasers out and everything
>cops thank the man for helping me
>assbags are cuffed brought to a hospital
>walks over to me, picks me up, and we call my parents
>don't let go of his sleeve for 2 hours until they get out of work and pick me up
>crying the whole time, the middle area of his arm is soaked in tears
>parents take me to a hospital to get my legs checked out
>need cast because both legs are broken
>cont... gonna get some coffee
fake, but proceed
> be highschool many years ago
> work as waiter in retirement center for rich old fags
> finish lunch service, have to go outside to pressure clean a freezer
> come back in about 30 minutes later
> notice napkins every 3 feet across the entire dining room area
> notice trail goes to bathroom
> mfw old person shit themselves and dump shit out of their pants on every step
> mfw entire dining room smell like old people diarrhea chunks
Ok, so when I was in England (I'm travelling Australia right now) I was a psychiatric nurse.

We had this one patient, extremely aggressive due to his dementia. Overweight, built like a brick house. Physically harmed staff and patients on numerous occasions, but you know, he was ill and when he wasn't aggressive he was lovely. We couldn't bath him because it would literally take five staff to restrain him and the stress it would cause him wouldn't be worth it. Shower was so risky too because he had poor vision and would lash out and fight, meaning he might slip. But he let us give him strip washes. He ate healthy too, like veg meats fruit etc... His family would sneak in really shitty foods though.

One day I saw him trying to hurt his daughter (he didn't recognise her) and she was physically restraining him, so I pulled my alarm as you do. She started shouting at me saying I'm pathetic, a little girl, waste of space. They then went to the local paper essentially saying we never feed or clean him.

Another time I was working on a PICU as a student. A male patient wanted a drink so I the offered the female patient in the room one also. She stood up and shoved me to the floor and started stamping on me. I pulled my alarm and no one responded straight away. That was fun.
>managers that don't give a shit, bitchy customers, unhelpful fellow employees

That's true of a hell of a lot of jobs though, even for much better pay than what you probably get. Customers are bitches no matter what your line of work
fuck off nigger
>anon you have a visitor
>its the cashier and some cops
>cashier man gives me a hug and shows me a police badge
>wonder why cop was working as a cashier at Wal-Mart, but dont ask because i thought that "I'm a cop so its a secret" shit in movies was real
>small conversation
>they leave
>never hated the cops ever since
>and nobody will believe me.
Pic related in first post, it looks vaguely like the cashier.
good for you, just know your place as the bitch of the workplace and not some "jack of all trades" who has mastered multiple skills
Do you have a little box you carry around, and when shit goes down, you just pull a lever in the box, releasing an "alarm"?
This is the only one i got
>Working at Toys R us
>Its fucking holidays.
>way the store is set up, there is a service desk by the door, and then 7 other checkout desks that are totally partitioned off from the service desk.
>the service desk is also checkout 1 so its always open for check out.
>in other words the store is set up retardedly and you have to make a mile walk just to get the next checkout lane.
>Im working in one of the regular check outs.
>its the fucking holiday season. So i have to deal with huge line of people and im working as fast as i can.
>I do as i was trained and yell out to the line, that if they wanted faster service, the service desk could help them.
>So one family picks up and moves to the service desk.
>By the time they get there, a line has formed. not my fault, it happens.
>So they have to wait in line, and then they complain about me making them wait in line to my manager. (they were retards though because they were nearly at the front of my line, they didnt need to go the other one.)
>I go on break, because people talking shit wears on my nerves.
>on break, manager comes in
>"anon, you got a complaint today"
>I know but if you let me explain...
>she cuts me off "A man called the store and talked to me. He was in line when you redirected that family and saw everything and heard their complaint. He was the general manager of neighboring store. he said that you handled the situation perfectly, and that if i punish you he would talk to the general manager and have my ass."

Good people exist.
thats awesome dude!
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We have these little alarms that we press or pull that we can just clip to our shirt or pants. Well we did, I haven't nursed in a year almost now
Jesus christ fuckin people dude
Doing security in a nutter cunt hospital would be a dream job for me
begging for pills, or shit doctors actually prescribe them opiates?
>need cast because both legs are broken
how was the wheelchair?
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Same difference
Should've had coffee before greentexting.
goin on 60 hours without sleep dont trip me out you fuck
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In England we don't have security in psychiatric hospitals. It's fucking shit. If it gets too dangerous and seclusions not available we have to call the police. Normal hospitals get security though. But I remember being 21 120lbs or so, 5ft 3 with similar bodied staff, no males, and having to restrain a huge ass guy. It's dangerous.
If she was really a 9/10 you couldn't make an exception? Are you kidding me. You fucked up bro.
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the fuck did i just read
shut the fuck up nigger
wtf so you got fired for doing your job?

What is this country coming to
don't work at fucking wal-mart then, tards.

And his name was Christopher Dorner
Not me, but kinda related.
>Friend is a bouncer
>He's a good guy, ex-rugby player so hes big as fuck
>Guy is clearly drunk, he gets the call to take him outside
>Guy is fighting
>Friend gets his arm around him and starts pulling him out
>His dumbass girlfriend starts hitting my friend with her purse
>She spits on him
>Friend has had it at this point
>Says "If you spit on me again I'm going to slug you"
>She spits right in his face
>He fucking haymakers her
>Clean KO
>Grabs the girl by her leg and drags her unconcious body and her boyfriend out of the place
>Throws boyfriend to the curb, drags gf away from the door
>No shit the cops get called and show up
>Friend explains what happend
>"Sounds like self defense"
>Cops throw bf and gf in the drunk tank
10/10 ain't worth it for a crazy.
That's a real tough break. You should get a nursing job in Australia. There is plenty of them going, the pay is ridiculous and the security is through the roof
Fucking Jason Stamos saved your life


keked hard at the dinnerware part
He needed to be able to find his way back to his table anon
I fucking love old people
Today at work, I work at McDonald's, in a small tourist trap town, neega lady congress up to the counter with her 10 kids abd old as hell mama, demands that I ring her up for 10 cheeseburgers. "An y'all bedda make damn sure those are the dolla menu burgas." I ring her up for the dolla burgers give her her bag and pray to god they all leave. 30 mins later this bitch comes back, thru the drive thru, and said she ordered McDoubles! And that I over charged her on her 5 large sodas, which at my store arent a dollar they are 1.49 before tax. Are mcdoubles are 1.39 the cheeseburgers are a dollar, like the bitch had ordered!!!!! "Sorry mama, or drink prices and burger prices are clearly posted on the board" call manager over.. he replaced her massive mcdouble order, didnt ask for the regular burgers back, because the 10 nigglet babies inhaled those as soon as she opened the bad, and he refunded her sodas. What the? I hate the blacks.
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Work at taxi call centre in the UK
>old woman phones up from Tescos
>requests taxi to take her less than 0.2 miles down the road
>tell her thats fine but also say that its 0.2 miles just incase she wanted to walk and not waste money on a taxi
>'i've had an accident' says the pensioner
>'okay' i say fearing the worst 'are you injured or hurt?'
>tells me shes covered in her own shit and vomit and Tescos wont let her back in to clean up.
>tell her that no taxis will take her and apoligise
>asks for my office address to send a letter of complaint
>give it to her
>fucking bitch called the police sirens and everything accusing me of verbal assault and threatening her with violence.
Damn, all I'm reading is whiny buthurts full of inflated self worth and arrogance that will ensure shit tier treatment of those around or under them. If you work in costomer service, no doubt cushy easy job, no life threatening risks, no out of work time commitments, no way if civil and intelligent to lose the job except when you believe you know better than your training or to ask for approval. A week in the forces would ruin you.
>work as clerk at albertsons
>schizophrenic homeless man is a frequent shopper
>sets up shop at one the tables by strabucks
>stays in the store
>all fucking day
>at night he sleeps on the wood pile outside
>this goes on for about a month and a half

we finally kicked the crazy motherfucker out when he started fucking with peoples shit at the self check out. i'm more surprised that my store director let him stay for so long, since he's the biggest ass in the world
Why do you people always take shitty jobs? When I was in high school I got a job as a lifeguard. Cost me $100 dollars to get certified. Got hired by the rec center. Coworkers cool. Patrons ok except for some noisy kids. Got paid $9.00 an hour to start. Got a .25 cent raise every 6 months. Eventually got water safety instructer certification which you can get for half price if you are a life guard and raises your pay to 13.50. Can get more certifications to get up to $20 an hour. Almost never had to save anyone. I had to go in early someday to do pool maintenance but basically they usually only needed like 1 person to guard at a time so you sat in the stand for 30 min and then the 2nd guard would swap you out and you'd essentially be on brake for the next 30 min. Why the fuck do all you people take jobs at shitty walmart?
Great. Go back to your shit tier job and stfu. The forces? It's all bullshit and a lost cause. Good for you, the ultimate in working for nothing.
The economy isn't the greatest. Do you honestly think I work the worlds shittest job for no reason, there is literally no other jobs going
Damn, your manager is an oblivious retard. Have they somehow still got their job?
>this level of stupidity

Do you even know how the job market works, Anon? I hardly think so.
Nigga you seem like a kool dude. I'd be your friend man, just you, me and your reptile negroes.
Look at all the posts in here about people getting canned for doing their job

You on the other hand, are in much greater pareil. You fuck up, someone dies. Lawsuits. Then if you save someone with CPR they'll sue your ass for breaking their ribs.

idk people are fucked. Plus what kind of question is that, work is work man. Be grateful for your job and don't knock the others who are trying to make ends meat. Also it seems a lot of these stories are from the past.

>inb4 troll post w/e you got me
No shit nigga. What years were you there, I might have bumped into you.
Hohohohoholllllllyyyyy fuck, I literally thought "isn't Dylan klebold a lead guitarist for somebody?" Googled it, felt like a tard
Guess I'm just to inexperience in the workplace then. Now 22 so I've been a lifeguard for like 8 years. It's really fucking easy to be a
Lifeguard and they'll hire anyone who's certified. Most of the time when people get fired it's some teenager who's always late for work. I can definately see people having no options other than to take a shitty job but I thought that's what college is for. You have no one to blame but yourself if you pick a major that doesn't do anything for you though.
I love fucking old people
I do agree but now that everyone in my generation is going after degrees it makes them that much more useless. College does not equal a job.
college + not being a complete retard like the other 80% of people are = job.

or grad school.
I fucking love fucking old people

I was picturing a guy sat at a library computer in motorbike leathers.
>be chef in the uk
>american septic tank tourist walks in (open plan kitchen so i can see her)
>asks for a duck wrap
>I whip one out really fast
>waitress takes it to the table
>merifat cuts it in half and looks at it in disgust
>"is there any meat in this? I can't have it, i'm a vegetarian!"
>it's called a duck wrap
>Working in Target
>Talking to coworker about hours
>lady comes up and starts bitching at my friend about how he'd have more hours if he'd stop complaining
>Friend looks at her like he's about to punch her in the face
>"Mam, have you ever worked in Target?"
>She loses her shit and I walked away laughing
>bump into her a moment later and she starts going on about my friend complaining or whatever
>When I get to the customer service desk after our encounter, I'm laughing my ass off
>She comes up after checking out and has me call my manager
>I call my manager laughing over the walkie talkie
>Lady gets even more pissed off
>Tells manager that my friend and I cussed her out or some stupid shit
>Managers call us in separately into the office to interrogate us.
>I sit through my session laughing my ass off and telling the manager that the lady was absolutely full of shit
>Get off with warning
grad school for sure

The field I'm going in I don't have to worry about that though, the retardedness.
Work as night clerk for days inn.
at about 7 am guy starts asking me why our third floor vending machines are always out of order. tell him i just started working here and i honestly don't know.
procedes to demand the number of the owner.
can't do that sir.
well I'm ganna investigate this situation.
Ok good luck.
i told him they didn't work before he checked in. i could have put hI'm in a room on any floor but no he had to have that room
> We had 3 doors to the store, 2 to enter, 1 to exit
> From inside the store, the 2 exit doors have big red signs
>The exit door has a big green sign
Well from the way you changed the number of exit and entry doors it does sound confusing
couldent agree more
>9/10 qt3.14
>100/.01 crazy
>get her preggers after joining navy for science and completing schooling
>steady job
>fanfuckingTASTIC pay
>great benefits
>she suddenly starts accusing me of fucking a girl I know 16 years ago and that lived on the other side of the US
>like I'm mailing my dick to her
>she starts beating the absolute shit out of her self with a marble pestle
>after calming her down
>she starts freaking out about the kid
>its okay, we can get through this
>she doesn't not want the kid, she just doesn't want me to HAVE a kid
>wait what
>"if you don't get me an abortion, I'm going to kill it when you're sleeping; I swear to god"
>fucking WHAT
>call cops on her
>they take her to psych ward
>let her go after determining the bruises all over her and the apparent cuts on her inner thighs looked self inflicted and she wanted to check out
>she starts telling friends and family that I beat her
>no one believes her
>she gos and gets an abortion
>I get a bill in the mail later because fuck you
>lose my shit
>she drives from South Carolina to Oregon back to her family
>absolutly batshit insane mother tries to build a case and sue me
>we divorce
>turns out that she has a long standing case of self inflicted harm and has failed multiple psychological evaluations
>find out that she was fucking like nine other guys when we were married
>she threatened to cut ones dick off if he told anyone
>I end up not paying her anything because we had a few standing arrangements with the marriage
>she called me trying to get back with me
NOPE, crazy isn't fucking worth it. I don't have yo pay her shit....but thats not often the case.
Holy shit shut the fuck up dude. You have a lot of growing up and wising up to do.
i'm pre-law at the moment. love it. gonna continue and succeed. expensive, yes. worth it, hope so.

what's your field?
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>Work at Pizza Hut
>Lady calls in, orders her shit. Then asks for ranch
>I tell her that it's like a dollar or whatever it was because the manager is next to me
>She starts cussing me out
>She gets quiet as well all of my coworkers
>Lady stops bitching and lets me complete the order
>Suddenly one of the waitresses goes "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH"
>Then everyone starts laughing
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>goddammit. people like this are soo fucking lucky that I have morals and slight empathy. People like this, customers and employers makewe want to find out where they live and kill them and their entire fucking shit family. The slowest, most painful death man has ever and will ever know in the history of their existence, hunt them down one by one

wow there are some fucking crazy stories on this thread
> work as janitor
> get bored
> saw vacuum
> fapped, vacuum sucked my cum
> feelsgoodman

then i'm going on to physics
That bait
No you are literally to stupid to understand what I was saying.
>>tells me shes covered in her own shit and vomit and Tescos wont let her back in to clean up.

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papa john worker here.
You have no idea how much I fantasize me telling off nigger customers.
>Working at Target
>Laughing my ass off because nigger ladies left their baby in the center of main aisle
>Code for missing kid gets called
>Bust out laughing and pretty much yell out, GREAT YOU GOT YOUR BABY STOLEN DUMBASS
>Next thing I know they come over to chew me out because they heard me
>Have me call over manager
>They leave before he gets there probably because they stole something
>I explain to him what happened and he starts laughing and tells me not to worry about it
I just noticed how fucking retarded your speech is. Doesn't even matter if it's satirical, kill yourself
ooooh, i've got a buddy who's doing that.
great starting pay.. i'm fucked directly out of college with a poli-sci degree.

thank god for inheritance.
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>just reading this make me want to rage so hard
>how do you find it in you to not want to beat these mother fuckers within an inch of their pathetic lives?

HA too good
Thats funny all im hearing is horrible humans, mostly females who think they can lie and make up stories to get young people fired over thier own hurt egos even though they are wrong and retarted.
>Writing for magazine
>Tell random guy on Facebook that he is a stupid communist for not loving hot american boobies and how fat people are not model citizens
>He starts basically stalking every post that I write on and finds out the magazine that I write for
>Writes my boss telling him that I was very disrespectful and that he kept trying to ask about the magazine but I kept telling him to fuck off and was rude towards him
>I talk to my boss about the incident a day or 2 later when we discuss whatever interviews that I had set up for the month
>Boss hysterically laughs about it and was glad that I told the guy to fuck off

I love writing for the magazine

It's weight off of your shoulders when you finally do
Check out notalwaysright. There's thousands and thousands of stories about shithead customers. Almost all of them are women.
no you literally said you have 2 entry doors and one exit door.
how does that then become 2 exit doors and one entry door? hmm? are they magical doors? do they go to outer space anon?
Lol good luck man
>be me
>Never had a job
i wanted to say it, but i'm too high to rap my head around it and was afraid of being shat on.

thanks tho
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Alright I got one.
Everyday this one prostitutes calls our store for a food delivery. The reason we know is because the hotel she stays in is notorious for that and plus she looks like a hooker according to the drivers.
>Prostitute makes an order
>Driver takes delivery
>But she happens to not be her usual room for the delivery.
>Driver naturally returns back to the cave.
>get a call about 20 mins later from prostitute saying that her delivery never came in.
Brace your self /b/ this has got to be the most stupidest thing I've her heard any one do.
>Prostitute- "I've just saw one of your drivers just make his delivery to some one at the hotel but he didn't give them anything so I was wondering if that was my order?
I hope you are a student or something, because else you already fucked up, anon.
I remember I was ditching high-school as a sophomore (end of the school year so I didn't really care) and I walk in with my bag and everything, I walk Straight to this little spot with all the headphones and grab a pair of $30 headphones and just walk around carrying it, looking for a blind spot in their security cams.
When I found the spot I put the boxed headphones in my pants and head to the bathroom. I just go know the stall and open the box up, flush the security tag, put the box in my bag and leave the store. I would do it again but they Changed location and I can't find a blindspot anymore
won't fuck a 9/10

you goddamn herploving faggot
vice isn't a magazine.
damn, you americans are pretty fucked up

I think I was a freshman in high school.. Friend tells us 'none of the cameras work in wal-mart they're all fake, my cousin works at a wal-mart'... So, being the genius I am, I get everyone to go to the deli, as you just get the food and then pay for it at a register.. We walk around throwing chicken nuggets over isles trying to hit people.. Start walking out, three large negros grab us, get taken to a room with over 60 small monitors, and the camera guys are watching people and laughing their asses off. Tell me I'll receive a 300 dollar fine in the mail. Never got it.

Fuck Wal-Mart.
so she forgot to mention the new room number is what this boils down to? ok thats dumb but I dont get why its the most stupidest thing ever?
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Caillou thread eh? well if you insist.
>Write for horror site

>Other site that we worked with is an all female site.
>Apparently a guy tells them that they're sexist for hiring only females
>Which is true
>They start going on about men or something stupid
>I don't even remember what the fuck I had said to them that pissed them off
>I believe I said that the initial guy had a point
>Which was building into me saying "WU TANG CLAN AINT NUTHIN TA FUCK WIT"
>Regardless, they write my boss at the time complaining about it
>He talks to me about it, everything is fine
>Comes back later bitching me out because I said that juggalos are a sick joke played on the mentally retarded
>As well quoted Steel Panthers song Death to all but metal
>50 cents a fag, so is Kanye West, shooting hot sperm on each others chests
>Get fucking banned from writing for 3 weeks or something
>Told that it gives site a bad image
>Don't give a shit
>Set up working with magazine

I read a bunch of shit that the bitch wrote after I was suspended which was a bunch of sexist femnazi babble bullshit against men essentially calling to segregate men and women.

Fucking stupid. So glad I write for the magazine now.
who are these dirty, filthy humans who make retail work so bad? really there are so many out there. they are angry and they want the employee to know how mad they are, and they blame it on YOU. can't we just gas these filthy degenerates?
Because she saw the driver and did absolutely nothing. She then called to tell us that. It was beautiful.
I didn't know that magazine even existed
Thanks bro. I'm going to enjoy that site.
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>late twenties

are you 15?
I have a few sides of A4 typed out about why I was fired from an insurance telesales job, some are pretty good, anyone want it posting?

>my shift was 5pm-9pm
>imagine the shit you get every call
i'm so sick of disgusting customers. sometimes the best employees do the nitty-gritty.

so sick of right-wing idiots spewing the lie of working hard gets you somewhere. it's a lie.

some of the hardest working people make minimum wage and get yelled at by customers who are just selfish, spoiled little shits

spit in their fucking face
> be working at Papa John's as a delivery driver
> sand-nigger manager always smokes weed in the store at night
> manager offers a new employee a hit of a waterfall bong.
> new employee takes hit and passes out on the floor
> he starts to foam at the mouth
> manager calls 911
> I leave the store to go on a delivery
> come back to the store 20 minutes later
> 2 ambulances and 6 cop cars outside store
> cops are looking through people's cars for drugs
> new employee apparently had a seizure (I have no clue how weed could have done that, unless it was laced with something.)
> new employee's parents made him quit the next day.
> no one ever got arrested or fired
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lol middle aged in late twenties. confirmed for pre-pubescent.
He had obviously injected too much marijuana before taking the hit and ODed on it.

top kek though
Since we're sharing.

>work at lax
>job so rest, a monkey with autism and down syndrome can do it
>work in booth as cashier for parking lots
>have big ass signs all over car side of booth that read "insert ticket here" with big ass arrows
>people hand me the ticket
>they see me put it through the outside machine
>usually get the response "oh sorry" when the customer it really special they say "oh, you've done this before"..
>ring em up
>shake my head in disappointment

I know it's not that bad, but just irritating when people won't read the fucken huge ass sign.

Also, when we close a booth, we put a yellow traffic cone at the entrance. You'd be surprise how many people think that it means it's open..

Lastly, there are always at least 2 booths opened, but they always go to only one. Almost as if they like to wait. The longer you wait, the more the cost is going to be.. Fucken customers dude.
Dat picture sceeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaarrrrryyy!!! Take it away!!!
Menards employees don't have break rooms. We have a public sitting area to eat our shitty lunchs at, while still getting stopped by guests.
oh sorry

> delivery driver for papa johns
> co worker of mine gets mad when people don't tip him
> he comes back from a delivery without getting a tip
> goes to the back of the store and takes his shirt off
> starts yelling profanities and flexing his muscles
> he does this about every other day
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Stupid phone..
>job so easy

Same co worker

> never takes off his papa johns car top sign
> is afraid of scratching his car when he takes it off (the car top signs are magnetic and the corners are rubber so there is no way he could scratch his car.)
> he has the car top sign on his car literally 24/7

very amusing, I wonder if he got out of any speeding tickets
This made my day
>Fucking Jason Stamos saved your life
>Jason Stamos
Jason Statham
Should be going to bed but fuck it.

>Worked for Office Depot
>Many great stories but one stands out
>Just started working about 3 weeks in
>walk up to confrontation of garbage Manager (Lets call him anime dweller) and Veteran man
>Veteran man wants to return his 4 $60 HP ink cartridges.
>Bought these fuckers on Amazon supposedly
>Manager said we can't do that since they were never in our system
>"Oh well it's the same serial number correct?"
>Manager says "No, not all of them have the same serial number, we cannot just return something that was never in our system"
>So you're telling me you're not going to return these?
>No, we can't
>So what is stopping me from going to another office depot and returning these?
By this point I knew this motherfucker has stolen these items from another OD or store
>Well I do suggest you try to return them to amazon since any other Office Depot cannot return these without a receipt and since you didn't purchase it from us.

>This is fucking ridiculous, this is how us vets get treated?! I fought for this country for you bastards fucking yap yap yap yap.

This point he hops on his crutches and grocery bag of HP ink and limps out of the store and Anime dweller tells me he's been fed his discription before of him stealing from other stores and trying to do this in the past.

Get called into Store Managers office next day

>So anon I see you were with anime freak last night
>yes I was
>You witnessed what happened with the man trying to return HP ink?
>Yes why?
>Well he called corporate and I need a written statement of what happened last night to send to corporate.

This motherfucker Vietnam vet literally called and chewed out corporate over his stolen ink that we couldn't return to our store and we got reemed for it.
Lol fuck that guy.
Lol super tired

even funnier if you imagine stamos doing it
that is literally the coolest gif i have ever seen.
Also if you search his name Stamos, Statham shows up.
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>working at walmart 6 years ago
>one of the two maintenance workers for night shift, other one is a 75 year old man
>taking out all the trash in the store, about to head out to parking lot to pick up all the garbage from the trashcans and clean any big messes
>as im heading out the doors see old man near registers
>hey, can you get the trash from the front bathrooms while i hit up the parking lot?
>ok anon
>finish parking lot, go to back to throw everything in compactor
>old man shuffles up to me, red in the face, voice waivering
>i dont know where you get off trying to be head of maintenance around here and bossing me around anon!
>all of my wat
>he shuffles off to get a manager while i stand there confused as fuck
>get called into office, why are you being this way to old man anon? You never let him use the riding scrubber either he says, and this and this and this!
>literally the week before i asked him if he wanted to use it because i felt bad and he told me he wouldnt even know how to drive it and declined me teaching him
>immediately requested to just become a stocker so i didnt have to deal with that bullshit again

Same co worker again

> he never changes the oil in his car
> ends up buying a new beater car every 4-5 months because the engine blows up
> I can never contain my sides when he come to work with a new car
> he will sometimes bring his dog to work (his dog is a pit bull)
> his dog will sit in the passenger seat and will bark at customers when he's parked in front of the store
> manager always yells at him for bringing his dog along with him
> still brings his dog to work anyways.

The look on the customers face is priceless when the dog barks at them.
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gotta bump this so I can read them all...
>2 enter doors one exit door from outside
>tturns into 2 exit doors one enter door from inside

Must just be some weird labeling
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Different co worker

> co worker of mine is constantly stoned or high on pain meds
> been doing this for the past 4 months
> I've noticed he'll randomly yell something and just walk around the store like nothing happened.
> pretty sure he had drain bamage from all the pills he's been doing
This guy sounds like a legend

We got a new manager a few months back and she ended up firing him because he was nuts. I miss him though, it always made my day whenever he flipped out.
makes me think of when plankton flexes with anger in the spongebob movie
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If people took their job this seriously I'd stop using their name and start calling them "wallmart"
Nailed it
Man, I remember selling computers for Circuit City when I was in college (they still had brick and mortar stores back then)..one day some 'groid comes up to me and says "AYO, WHERE I GET MO' MEGGABYTES AT?!"...I showed him our RAM display, he saw the prices and said "NAW, FUCK DAT!"
How dare he want to keep his shitty job so that he can afford to live!
>be me
>work in a office
>my "neighbour" is an idiot
>one boring day
>suddenly he 90° turns to me and say
>"uh...i was just thinking if...uhm...if we were in an universe where each of us have 5 clones, could you be able to recognize the real me? And could i be able to recognize myself?
>"err...i dont know man..."
>"it would be really difficult right?"
>"yes but...what do you want to say?"
>"eheheh...as you know, my fart smell is different from yours, and so on with others. So, if i fart in a bottle and then i make it my clones do it too, i should be able to recognize mine, right?"
>"man, i dont know really...maybe yes"
>"you know what? Lets try this"
>boring day
>"ok lets do this"
>farted all day in bottles
>the smell doesnt change
>"so, i shouldnt be able to recognize myself"
>"wanna have a drink tonight?"
>"sure bud"
>hes one of my best friend now
I should try this on chicks
You never know, it could work
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>steel panthers
>mah nigga
I kind of want to figure out what the fuck got them there and find out how to make it stop
I wish more bands had the balls of Steel Panther
I want to cut her head off and fuck it.
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>Overnight stalker
Iv never learned so much about how shitty minimum wage jobs are at 4am. I appreciate all of you for droppin some knowledge.
There's a reason I work graveyard. The less interaction I have with these people the better.. Can't stand a full 8 hours of stupidity.
You must be new here...
I feel it
You're a temp, they can give you 8 hours. Part time is 5 hours. As for Walmart, overnight shouldn't be that bad, aside from your Bullshit coworkers. Also, this is all based on my experience here in the u.s. I could be off a bit.
yeah man wtf be up wid dis cracka as bitch sayin stalker an shit?
These stories.. If there is anyone in this thread looking for a job keep these stories in mind.
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>Well from the way you changed the number of exit and entry doors it does sound confusing

Intelligence level: American.
>been a surg tech for 6 years
>2 years at a gun and knife club(lvl1 trauma)
>I've seen it all, from swamps of dagobah to "not why, but HOW did you get that in there?"
>enough stories for a book

>mid 20's guy with foreign body bladder
>we pulled 10-15 .22lr out of his penis

>another late 20's guy, foreign body bladder
>bracelet stuck in urethra
>not female "tennis" bracelet, ginormous mans bracelet at least 1/4'' wide

>autistic teen, foreign body vagina
>small asprin bottle with condom stuck in vagina
>been there 4 days
>if I could bottle that smell, it could be used for chemical warfare.

>older man, foreign body rectum
>3 wick candle
>new definition of hershey highway.

>30's woman, foreign body rectum
>fairly large dildo, ALL THE WAY IN, created a vacuum and couldn't get out, neither could we.
>had to do ex-lap, cut her open to pull it out
>dunno how long it was in there, but it was still vibrating
>doctor was amazed and sent it to pathology, and put a special request asking for battery brand
>15mins later phone rings, DURACELL

>meth head goes on meth binge for several days
>leaves metal cock ring on for said several days
>comes in with necrotic penis

>priest has infection from shooting up morphine
>infection from using tap water to make soluble

I have stories from every orifice.. I'll try to remember some mentionables
I'm not familiar with the term "foreign body" can you elaborate?
Foreign item. Then discovered.
Had a feeling. Thanks.
Soz. Something not of our body.
you said doodoo
>He's asking to be slapped
>but I know I shouldn't
>working in Main OR, get call from Labor and Delivery
>need a tech, current tech staff couldn't handle the case
>get up there
>botched abortion, done way past 2nd trimester
>had to anatomically recreate baby to make sure all the gibblets were removed

I swear a lot of cardiovascular surgeons are vampires, they love playing in blood
>doing some case either a-v fistula or fem-fem/fem pop
>surgeon has artery clamped, cuts artery
>looks at us
>flashes clamp, opens and closes it
>gusher of blood straight up
>does it again giggling

>neuro surgeon that would on 1/2 cases do this
>be in the middle of craniotomy
>look around to see who is paying attention
>says abruptly, "UH-OH"
>looks around to see reaction
>after a few seconds very non chantilly says, "juuuuust kidding"

for a while I worked at a place that had a Department Of Correction floor where all prisoners would come if they needed surgery at hospital, had LOTS of maxiofacial trauma.
>lock in a sock
>inmates would have pad locks, and place in a tube sock, would swing it and crack niggas jaws
>we would do at least 3 a week

>about to do a cysto case on female
>horrible hygine
>while prepping I laughed and said, "mmm doritos"
>nurse dry heaved and thanked me for forever ruining doritos
>that nasty crotch smelled just like cool ranch
wasn't aware green berets like yourself frequented 4chan
>get degree
>unpaid internship doing I dont even know what
>get full time position
>everybody is out of the office doing some sales event thing
>first day was yesterday
>just me in the office so I read the daily mail a bit and made a spreadsheet
>second day today
>basically just me in the office so I read the daily mail a bit, went for a long lunch + beers with my old boss and made a spreadsheet

Life is good.
>pica, the mental condition where you eat non nutritional items
>had a teen that had a stomach FULL of her hair
>I mean years worth of hair

><2yr old foreign body airway
>we get these randomly
>always joke that what we retrieve is our pay
>usually a penny or dime

>had this one patient, inmate that would self harm on a monthly basis
>from pen caps in urethra to cutting
>most common, and just about every month or 2 he would get a paper clip, undo it and make it sharp and springy
>compress it and wrap with paper, then swallow
>when paper dissolved clip would fuck him up and he got a free trip to hospital
>officers say that they think they have some kind of control when they do this, and/or drugs
>surgeon that always operates on him threatens to put a zipper on his chest since he has to cut him open monthly

>breast augmentation
>after both are in we set the patient up to check for balance
>slap titties around make sure settled
>yeah they look great to me!
>19 years old manager of a pizzeria
>Food service is drug den so I'm offered everything under the sun
>Work under the influence all the time
>'Anon, want to try some acid?'
>Worked fine on shrooms before
>Dinner rush begins and I'm tripping balls
>Can't tell if cheeseburgers for a sub are cooked or not
>Regret my decision and decide to find a simple task I can't fuck up
>I will just wash dishes
>First load I put in the dishwasher happens to be when the fucking thing breaks
>Loud ass crashing noise
>Storm out of work 'I'm going on break fuck this shit'
>Didn't return until the next day, no fucks given by all.
>That's right, they're tardier than mine, that's right, they're tardier than mine.

On a side not, tardier is an actual word.
British equivalent here, been doing it for 2 years now.
Full time position after internship.
Sports office.
I update our booking system.
Play table tennis in the office.
Regular breaks for coffee, meetings or "just to get some fresh air".
Get paid for 36 hours a week, only do 28.
Co-workers who don't mind chatting about TV, films, games etc.
Travel expenses, lunch expenses.
Company car if I could drive.
Lots of conferences, pretty boring but we always get set up in swanky hotels.

My contract ends this year...I don't how I could work a regular job after 5 years of this, this as good as it gets, it's all downhill soon...depressing as he'll.
/r/ sex rejection spreadsheet

>paraplegic comes in for something
>we drug him for induction, but he has high tolerance
>he just gets high and starts talking about this stripper
>she grinds all over me, and puts that twat in my face
>were all laughing madly

>this one day we had a ortho surgeon with a scheduled case that wasn't in the hospital yet
>patient in OR waiting for doctor to show so we can start
>someone from the bathroom mimics doctors voice and says hes here
>patient goes under
>no doctor
>wake patient up

>we call general surgeon to ask location and ETA, patient on the table waiting
>he says hes in the parking lot
>we put to sleep
>20mins later we call doctor
>hes driving
>he was in another hospital parking lot leaving...

>for amputation you have to cut through bone
>something called a giggli saw and lipston amputating knife
>when one doctor is ready for amp knife he calls for the "O J knife"

>another ortho doctor has some of his own instruments
>large rongeur is called "pit bull"
>large elevator is called "rottweiler"

>we haze in the OR, jokingly of course
>ask new people for the otis elevator
>or the drug NoMoveAtAll

when we do perirectal or anything genitalia usually the dressing is held on with mesh panties, we call the panties
>stripper panties
>holy panties
>he's he'll a posted
>work at le fancy supermarket as a teen
>be working
>lady comes up to me with a pack of 6% fat milk
>'excuse me, is this 6% fat milk?'
>help her out with her obviously hard problem
>walk away and laugh for 15 in the back

this sounds so boring when i read it but her fucking face man
from my understanding you do more in the UK
like clean and set up anesthesia equipment
all I do is pull items, do case, put away items
we have anesthesia techs, and turn over help
I usually bag trash and wipe down equipment though.

>we have these radiation exposure clip ons we have to wear
>you can set them my old tv sets and gather enough trigger a warning level
>one time as a joke someone put a coworkers one they found on a c-arm and shot it directly for a long time
>when they got results from that batch they said he should be glowing
>he got to do cases with no x-ray, thus no lead gown - lucky

Nah... that spreadsheet was ugly as fuck. If I made a sex rejection spreadsheet it would have fucking pivot tables and vba and shit.

Your job sounds cool though... considering med school to be surgeon. Only problem is the $200k and 10 years it takes to get qualified...
This is how i wanna be as an old man
I have a few interesting anecdotes from the operating theatre.

>working with locum plastic surgeon
>really long complicated name
>panic and call his Mr. Popadoppalis
>whole room he's quiet
>receive the stare of death

>moving a large (about 300lbs) patient from a trolley to the operating table
>takes about 7 of us to move him
>he has a catheter in
>catheter catches on the table and explodes all over my crotch
>smell like piss all day despite showering several times

>working in A&E
>man comes in after being stabbed, somehow walked to the hospital with a knife in his side
>half an hour later someone else arrives and asks for their knife back
We do. We assist with the anaesthesia, and we can also work in recovery and other specialist areas if you do the extra training.
Sometimes it's not the horrible stuff that sticks in my mind

>Security Guard at a commercial/industrial park (shared contract).
>Pissing rain so some of the kids from the Art Institute in the Industrial area take shelter in the underground parking lot of the Commercial area to smoke some weed
>Big empty space has been made; theives made off with overhead pipes in a CCTV blindspot
>Tell the group they can't smoke there because of some stolen pipes
>"... ... ... But we all use paper."
>I have no face
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