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Wazzup /b/, Joe back again with more stories...
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network issues. Refreshing the page usually helps.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 104
Thread images: 50
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Wazzup /b/, Joe back again with more stories for you. Will post last 2 stories in between story for anyone interested. aight lets start

>be me
>sophomore year
>last football game of official season at school
>decide to get drunk as fuck and go to game
>grab a 12 pack of dos equis
>chug all of it in 5 minutes
>getting pumped as fuck
>start walking to school
>oh shit the beers kicking in
>lightweight at the time
>get to school parking lot
>look over to field and see security taking tickets
>poorfag me has no money
>what the fuck am i gonna do
>remember that the bathroom has a back door thats usually unlocked
>gonna sneak in through there
>i gotta go all the way around the fence crouching so no one sees me
>the names bond, james bond
>finally get to bathroom door
>open the fuck out of it
>its unlocked
>walk right in to see some dude just taking a piss to the left of me
>he looks shocked
>put a finger to his lips
>”shhhhh. keep peeing.”
>guy gets a little hard
>walk out to bleachers
>find some of my friends sitting around
>”haaaai guzz.”
>”oh my fucking god are you drunk joe?”
>”lol hell yea”
>”jesus christ joe”
>”im-burp-im fyyyyne guize”
>”someones gonna find out and youll be so fucked.”
>”n-no ones gun find ou guiz”
>mfw these motherfuckers think im gonna get in trouble
>feeling like no one could fuck with me
>decide im hungry
>shiit i need money for that
>”h-h…hey geyz, u-u guys got any muuney?”
>”jesus christ joe, just take this 20 and dont get in trouble”
>lol why the fuck did you just give your drunk friend money you retarded piece of shit
>go to snack bar
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story 1
Story 2
Story 3
story 4
This was the stupidest fucking thing I've ever read. You made all of that shit up and it wasn't even remotely funny, I didn't even know that was possible
>the names bond, james bond
TankFex reporting in. Where are the other six disciples?
Disciple Dick Killer reporting in.
Hell yea
alpha as fuck, man
Leave this place, you filthy heretic.
Anyone else around yet?
You'd have to be 11 to find this shit even smile worthy
>guy gets a little hard

Peak kek
If you don't like it then leave.
Nobody is forcing you to read Joe's masterpiece.
>Dick Killer
Prepare for the tide of blasphemous trolls, my brothers. But stand strong! Let the dankest of dope and the spirit of the Alpha flow through your veins.
>stumble over to line
>friends mom is in charge of snack bar
>gotta try and be sober joe
>clear my mind of all thoughts being affected by alcohol
>fog in my eyes clear up and i can see straight
>keep concentrating joe
>go to your sober dojo
>plug myself into the matrix
>start to walk right and stand up straight
>thats it, almost there
>download sobriety onto my brain
>my turn to order food
>”hello mrs. momanon, nice to see you again. id like a slice of cheese pizza and a dr pepper please”
>mfw im pulling it off
>she just stares at me
>”is there something in my teeth maam?”
>”are-are you ok joe?”
>”i-eym fin m…”
>oh shit, i was so drunk i thought i was sober
>i cant get the words out
>she keeps starting at me
>”i juss rully six rite now. y need sum medic”
>she doesnt say anything
>i walk away, defeated
>i never got invited over to friends house after that
>stumble over back to friends
>realize i still have yoked friend money
>hes built like a fucking tank
>decide to hang out for a few minutes so i can say i ate food and used all his money
>see this bitch with huge titties
>shes ratchet af but whatever
>shes one of those hoes who looks like complete fucking garbage half the time
>and the other half, she looks like kate uptons hot sister
>go over to her to spit game
>”hey joe, whats up”
>”y-you look hawwt ass FAAAK… tinite”
>”joe, are you drunk?”
>im panicking
>wat do
>”yea. im white boi wasted rite now”
>mfw still cant believe i said that shit
>she starts laughing her ass off
>”thats fucking awesome joe, thats hilarious”
>tell her im tired af and i gotta go sit down
>shes down
>put my arm around her as we walk over
>gonna get so much pussy tonight
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pls go
They really weren't lying when they said /b/ was the shittiest board on this website
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What the fuck is up, my joe/b/ros? Snekdogg has returned for another amazing night with you all. How are my blessed anons, this fine evening?

Joe be with you all. Hell fucking yeah.
Snekdogg! Doing good /b/ro. Just waiting on Joe to post the next part of the story.
>Dick Killer
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Oh, bloody excellent, /b/rother Dick Killer! fuckin' awesome to be with you all, again. Anyone want me to start posting last night's stories?
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Niggers can't fucking handle all this alpha, my fellow brother.

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>we go to the students section
>called "the village" because student gov was uncreative and retarded
>go over to some people i know from school
>stumbling as im trying to stand on the bleachers
>bunch of people i know realize im drunk and turn to me
>"joe, let me smell your breath"
>smile like a retard as i exhale loudly
>"holy shit your wasted"
>no shit, sherlock
>just start laughing
>everyone else starts laughing
>"because we want to see and the people in front are standing"
>mfw i gotta stand up on a shaky bleacher row because the cockmongers in front are standing
>realize the same cockmongers are all wearing camo
>notice tons of people are wearing camo
>what the fuck, didnt know this was vietnam
>see some 500 lb neckbeard wearing camo t-shirt, camo cargos, camo bandana, and camo socks
>eating a bag of doritos
>like a party sized bag of doritos all by himself
>holy jesus, what is that? what the fuck is that private pyle!?
>sir, a bag of cool ranch, sir
>fucking private pyle
>turn to bitch i brought over
>"5 dorra suki suki, i rove you rong time"
>"what the fuck joe"
>"i dont know"
>put hand on her ass and squeeze
>she starts laughing
>you think this is a fucking game
>tell her i gotta piss
>stumble off bleachers
>national anthem comes on
>really gotta piss so i ignore it
>some big fucker asking me if i hate my country
>what the fuck are you implying you albino gorilla
>telling me im a damn communist
>lol ok you fucking psycho
>start to walk away
>he starts getting up off of bleachers, still yelling shit at me
>oh lordy
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This is the thread I've been waiting for.

Googleplex here.
>holy jesus, what is that? what the fuck is that private pyle!?
Lost my fucking shit
Feel free.
Half the fun was the conversation we had after Joe finished telling his story.


What the fuck is up, mein neger? Snekdogg here, bruv.

God damn right, it was. I'll start postin' for lurkers!
>hes coming after me saying some shit about how his friends died so i was free to be a little shit
>dude is going full rage mode
>realize im fucked
>keep walking and pretend i dont hear him
>hes trying to keep up with me so he starts running
>and by running i mean jogging
>and by jogging i mean waddling like hes a penguin made of jello
>his fat folds are flying all over the place
>his manboobs have gone awol
>i slip into the crowd
>james bond v2
>sergeant diabetes cant find me anywhere
>he gives up and walks his flabby ass back to his seat
>his pits and collar are drenched with sweat
>go to piss
>original friends that gave me money find me
>"jesus joe, weve been looking for you everywhere"
>"ive just been chilling and eating"
>they give me a bottle of water to help me sober up
>fuck you and your gay shit
>drink the water anyways cuz im hella thirsty
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Moar stories from last night for you amazing motherfuckers.

Ah, my brothers! It pleases me that we are all together in this time of reverence. Let us hear of the alpha-as-fuck tales of the almighty Joe
Type faster, don't leave me blueballin
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Already revving the engines for this thread and helping start the night off right with some greentext stories from the night before, /b/ro.

Keep thread alive.
Nice blog, OP.
Bumping for the glory of my Lord and Savior, JoE.
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May his bad-assery shine lovingly on you, TankFex.
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Moar of the stories from last night!
>tell them ive got a bitch to get back to
>they tell me i need to just chill and drink my water
>finish water and tell them to get more
>friends names are cuke and wells btw
>they go over to water fountain to fill up bottle
>left with this fucking retard friend named keefe who always fucks everything up
>tell him i need to piss again and i cant piss while hes watching
>he turns around
>sneak over to door
>yell "MY NAME IS KEEFE" and run out the door
>mfw my name is keefe
>run over to the village again
>see bitch standing around
>talking to this ultra alpha i know
>we'd chilled and skated a few times before and we had this mutual 'youre chill' agreement
>hes like a sponsored professional skateboarder though so he always gets waaay more pussy than me
>go up there to get my lady back
>fucking squeeze right in between them and start talking to girl again
>skaterbro is hella pissed but femanon doesnt really care
>tease that bitch a little with ass and titty grabs
>she puts my hand on the front of her shorts
>here we go
>take her behind this huge storage container thing and push her against fence
>try to make out but ive never been this drunk before and ive always just been high making out at parties
>decide to just unzip my pants
>start taking my dick out
>"what the fuck joe!"
>"omg youre too drunk right right now"
>she leaves
>knew she would want my dick again next week so i dont give a shit
>walk out from behind container
>keefe, wells, and cuke find me again
>im not a toddler, were the same age. dont act like your my fucking mom
>decide i dont have anything better to do so i go with them this time
>they have more water and make me drink it
>oh shit my stomach
>my jaw locks and that sour flavored saliva starts filling it up
>i know whats about to happen
>run to bathroom
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Googleplex's probably-not-alpha-enough story.

>had a moped.
>shit was cash.
>could fucking go anywhere on it.
>come to stop for traffic as I was pulling into a road.
>woman driver behind my comes to a stop.
>fucking knobhead boy-racer smashes into the back of the woman and sends the car into the back of me.
>hear screech of tires and then hit with surprise car buttsecks.
>knocked clear of bike. No major injures. bruised arse cheeks and a sore ego.
>idiot boy-racer acts like it's my fault for obeying road signs.
>goes to court and the fucker tries to sue me for damages.
>no solicitor, no representation. decides to defend himself.
>ends up costing him £900 in my 'emotional damage' fees, £100 court costs and a banned driving licence.

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Karma's a bitch, ain't it, /b/ro? Shit's hilarious when THEY need to pay YOU for fucking your shit up, even when they think it's your fault.
The best part? I got a XBOX HUEG payout in insurance. I gave the guy an option to take a "driver improvement course" and he turned it down in favour of court.

>open stall and just start puking in the toilet
>remember that the puke was the color of sand
>dos equis is dark beer and water is just clear
>should not make beige liquid
>start thinking girl poisoned me
>am i gonna die
>what the fuck am i thinking
>friends follow me in and see what im doing
>they step out
>keep puking
>i can feel the alcohol being purged out of my system
>skaterbro ends up walking in
>he sees me and starts laughing
>tell him to shut the fuck up
>"no joe, im laughing cuz thats so fucking chill"
>feels like im trying to funnel a niagara falls of vomit through a straw
>apparently thats chill
>we end up hanging out more because of this incident
>i find out hes a drug fiend too and we end up experimenting with a lot of shit throughout the years
>finish puking and i go and sit down
>friends bring me more water to drink
>sobered up a lot
>feeling like shit after all the vomiting
>it was a bad comedown and im almost crying telling my friends there so nice
>mfw my friend tells me hes gonna take me home so i dont have to walk
>go home and pass out and sleep for 14 hours


Good to see all my disciples here. Thought i would start with the shittiest story so that we can save the best for last
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Moooooar. MOOOOAR.

fucking maximum-tier kek right there. Made him your bitch like a true Joe disciple. Hell Yeah.
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>"No joe, im laughing cuz thats so fucking chill"
>"so fucking chill"
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Sup JoE and co.
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I suppose I'll go ahead and offer up my own personal story of my first time tripping.

>be me
>be 19
>have discussed tripping on shrooms months in advance with gf
>decide to trip on a full moon, we're into mystical shit and that kinda stuff
>gf whips out bag o' shrooms in her room
>smells like amazeballs, take a big ol' whiff of them bad boys
>Look through bag
>bag has a fucking cigarette butt in it.
>still manage to both eat half an eighth, got 20 dollars off of the eighth for the cigarette butt in the bag
>decide to go to local catholic cemetary to trip balls
>takes us a while to get there, shrooms start kicking in as soon as we get through the hole in the chainlink fence
>We settle down at this guy Foley Anderson's mausoleum
>set down candles and shit for full moon ceremony
>pop open a bottle of big rooster wine, gf ended up drinking most of it
>I am tripping balls like no tomorrow
>"Anon, trees are BREATHING" I say
>gf is laughing and enjoying herself and watching me roll around on a blue blanket on the ground

Hey, Mikey! Snekdogg here, muthafucka! How you doin', /b/ro?
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Just chillin man, whats up with you?
>mfw i saw this thread on the front
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>Start crying, wishing my uncle was there to trip with me since he was real big on shrooms and tripping in general
>Gf comes over and consoles me
>go back to having an awesome fucking time seeing trees breathe
>laughing my ass off at how amazing it all is
>gf and I end up chilling on this guy's mausoleum steps, staring up at the moon
>seeing colors and incomplete squares made out of rainbows in the sky
>me and her end up packing our shit and heading to a friends house to crash
>ended up spilling wine all over the mausoleum
>passed it off as an offering to the guy's resting spot.

Not so alpha as the rest of you guys, but it was goddamned amazing.
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Not much, chillin' and relaxin' all cool, my nigga. Gonna fix some coffee and settle down into this thread for the night. Good to see ya, anon!

>passed it off as an offering to the guy's resting spot.

Yeah man, kickass to see you niggas in another joe thread!

God damn it, that ending made me kek like blowjob mans story
>he never found out who puked on his coffee table
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I felt kinda bad for us spilling all that wine on that poor guy's resting spot - Still rather spiritual about that shit, but alas, it was pretty fucking hysterical!

Awesome to see you fabulous motherfuckers again.
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>spring break of sophomore year
>everyone at school is at mission beach partying it up
>not rich so parents cant just send me there with 5000 dollars for a week
>all my other poorfag friends are gone in other places
>san franciscio, wisconsin, conneticut
>mfw im the only one left in town
>skaterbro from earlier story was telling me about how he did this shit called dxm
>i was high on clonodine at the time so i didnt really pay attention
>a few days into spring break im so bored and gone through all my weed and pills
>remember he said something about dxm being delsym or something
>go to erowid
>find out dxm is just delsym or robotussin and nothing else
>look up everything about extraction and all that
>tell my mom some bullshit about having to get notebooks or something at cvs
>mom takes me there and gives me 20
>walk into store, grab 2 bottles of delsym, a bottle of gatorade, a notebook, and some axe
>put one bottle of delsym in my pocket just in case
>go up to register to pay
>dude tells me i have to be 18 to buy the delsym
>"oh, ok"
>pay for everything else and walk out
>go back home and prepare the extraction
>put on my lab coat
>safety goggles as well, dont want chemicals getting into my eyes
>fill empty and cleaned jug of milk 3/4 up with cold water
>pour in the delsym
>pretend its a shake weight and shake vigorously for ~5 minutes
>place in bathtub and let sit for at least 2 hours
>once two hours are up, grab scissors or razor knife and start cutting into the jug at intervals
>once the thick, foggy mixture at the bottom is all thats left, cut the rest of the jug off
>place tray of mixture under a light to dry out
>once white powder is all thats left, scrape it up and put into another liquid
>i prefer gatorade, but water or juices are all ok
>no carbonated beverages allowed
>now that gatorade is full of dxm, im ready for the fun

Continuing soon
Likewise, /b/rother.

Been waiting all night for this thread. It was hot as balls last night so I've been up since 1 AM waiting to see the next Joe thread.
dude. i hit up my guy today about getting shrooms soon. that shit is so cash. cant wait to trip again.
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Oh shit, /b/ro, I'd love to trip wit'cha if I could! Shrooms are fucking amazeballs. Was even better that my first time was with my gf as a tripsitter, and she's taken a metric fuckton of shrooms and acid over the years.

I can't even tell you how anxious I been to see this thread since last night's endeavor. Been quite literally gushing over it, on the inside. Y'all niggas is some alpha muthafuckas.
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>put one bottle of delysm in my pocket just in case
Shit man, that was smart

Captcha: lmioff Law
Here be the finished story of tonight from Joe!
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>8 PM
>good time to start tripping
>chug the whole gatorade bottle pretty fast
>~1000 mg of dxm in there
>im getting ready for the trip
>9 pm comes
>nothing yet
>think i did something wrong and just drank nothing
>watching some movie or something
>decide to go see what lil bros are doing
>as im walking through the house, my legs are feeling kinda tingly
>probably nothing, brain feels fine
>brothers playing super smash bros
>"hell yea, bro. hand me a controller"
>choose sonic because i appreciate his fast lifestyle
>also because sonic is based as fuck
>hes crushes me
>mfw blasphemy!
>trying to ask how he beat me but i just start laughing
>fall on the floor giggling like a maniac
>arch my back and put my weight on my knees and chin
>i have become a snail
>"what are you laughing at"
>"i dont know man, im gonna go to beeeeed"
>electricity is jolting through my legs
>go to pee
>feel myself channel the lightning through my dick
>im gonna break the toilet with my thundercock
>stop just in time for the toilet to not shatter
>go to my room
>slowly feel the electricity rise up through my body until around 11
>my thoughts are getting fucked up
>ready for mad cevs
>turn off the lights and cover the window and any other lights at all
>look up at the ceiling and chill

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Nigger, pls
ur gunna c the spooders
kush too strong
I damn near pissed myself at the "I HAVE THE POWEEEEER!" part. kekekekekek
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>feel the bed fade away below me
>im weightless now
>everyones gone to bed so its complete silence and darkness
>pure meditation
>start seeing the stars around me and realize ive soared into space
>start flying through space at supersonic speeds
>im legitimately crying from the beauty of it
>soar through the universe until i come up on my spaceship
>i land inside it and lay down on my bed
>meta as fuck
>im still convinced i had a legit out of body experience that night
>i start imagining myself in all these situations and it feels like its actually happening
>my spaceship is stretching out into impossible dimensions and shapes
>i know im tripping and im in my room, but i also know that my room is no longer attached to our physical world
>i know that it is away from everything else
>away from everyone else
>its just me
>in my own universe
>it was such an amazing feeling to know that nothing could bother me or hurt me as long as i was tripping
>need to check the time
>alarm clock has a button that cycles through 4 brightness settings
>turn it up to the 3rd one aka medium brightness
>its 1:15 am
>ive been tripping for like an hour an a half
>realize i couldnt tell whether it was 10 minutes or 10 years
>forget to turn brightness off and look up
>light from clock had cast on my bedside lamp
>silhouetting the lampshade and lightbulb
>kinda looked like this
>immediately recognize it
>it sees me

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>it terrifies me
>i stare at it for what feels like eternity
>it is speaking to me
>it can communicate with me via thought
>communicate back with it
>i have to speak to it since it cant read my thoughts
>only put its voice in my head
>know that it is important i ask it a serious question since i dont know how long it will stay
>before i can say anything it speaks again
>"you most likely already know my name"
>"yes i do. i dont know how, but i know it"
>"you are the first being from this plane of existence i have made contact with. my title in my native tongue is incomprehensible to you humans. what is it in your language?"
>"you are the giant evil eyeball"
>mfw his name is what he is
>"hmmm. i see."
>i know he has much wisdom to bestow upon me
>"im ready"
>"good, shall we begin"
>i feel my brain start to gyrate
>i cant handle it
>these words and knowledge are beyond my capability to understand as a human
>i must try to persist
>i need to save as much of the knowledge as i can
>only save bits and pieces
>next thing i know, hes gone
>look over to see clock light is off
>turn it up to check time
>3 am
>i have been receiving this knowledge for an hour and 45 minutes
>make sure to turn light off before looking away
>need to calm down
>my brain cant barely think
>feels like my brain is sore from working too hard
>turn on tv and watch boomerang
>id taken my contacts out a long time ago so i have to squint hard to see tv
>the audio is very slow and the video is shaky and the colors are just off
>cant tell what is wrong, but something is
>watch the most mindbending episodes of yogi bear and the flintstones ive ever seen
>pass out after i turn the tv off

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>giant evil eyeball
Jesus fucking christ Joe, you were trippin madballs. Also shit it was evil?
The amount of faggotry in this thread is overwhelming
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no u
>i wake up the next day feeling really weird
>my brain is really cloudy and everything seems really far away
>when people speak, the sound is delayed and it sounds far away
>like im in a canyon and theyre trying to call to me from the other side
>lots of echos too
>really, really sensitive to light
>my skin is cold to the touch all over
>have a lot of trouble peeing too, like i know pee is trying to come out by i have no control over my bladder
>feel like this must be a side effect of the giant evil eyeball's infinite wisdom
>cant remember anything he told me, but i can suddenly do a lot of basic parkour and gymnastics which i couldnt do before
>day is uneventful
>wake up next day feeling totally normal
>thursday now so im a little more than halfway through spring break
>decide to trip again
>we go to target later that day and i take two bottles this time
>i was 6' tall, 200 lbs so i was gonna take 1350 mg so i could have ultimate trip
>dont want to extract this time so i just mix the delsym with gatorade and water in another milk jug
>big mistake
>tastes like complete shit
>keep trying to dilute it with more water and sugar and gatorade but doesnt help at all
>waterlog myself a bunch of times
>almost throw up from the disgusting taste
>to this day i cant drink fruit punch gatorade because i have taste memory from the dxm
>finally finish jug and feel so sick
>watching pacific rim
>movie starts feeling weird
>doesnt feel right and just seems shitty to me
>decide to just turn all lights off and listen to music while waiting for the cevs
>turn on some cudi and tyler
>not only speeds up the time to trip, but intensifies it
>yank headphones out and throw my phone across the room
>notice that my smoke detector light is flashing periodically
>makes me rage so hard
>turn lights on and notice that there is a golden hue to them
>pull a chair over and start to think of a way to stop light

no, that was just the name i gave it
you're literally why i go on /b/
Can you still do all that parkour and gymnastics? I do parkour occasionally and no lie having the almighty Joe as a parkour buddy would be like a blessing from the Giant Evil Eyeball
>pacific rim

oh shit joe is a junior in high school
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>decide the best way to stop it was tape a tshirt over it
>grab some scotch tape
>not duct tape
>scotch fucking school tape
>get on chair with a shirt and tape
>chair is maybe 2 or 3 feet tall and super sturdy but im shaking around more than michael j fox competing in a log roll
>remember im a sexy little cheerleader and i know how to balance on things
>somehow manage to hang a heavy large tshirt up on the ceiling with 3 pieces of scotch tape
>turn lights off and get back in bed
>start tripping nuts
>convinced im a secret agent being chased through san francisco's china town by the chinese mafia
>actually fucking badass
>im diving through windows and jumping over canals and shit, its awesome
>since i drank so much of uncle obama's dxm piss whiskey earlier i have to get up to pee a lot
>always feel really weird when i stand up, like i just levitated and turned vertical on the ground
>always dramatically slam my hands down on bathroom counter and look myself in my eyes
>jesus christ i looked like a fucking serial killer
>little control over facial muscles so my face drooped down, my eyebrows and mouth made me look like i was frowning and my eyes were wide open and extremely bloodshot
>always get the same levitating feeling when i go back to bed
>decide to try and summon GEE again
>turn clock light on
>there he is

First Joe thread here, holy shit I've missed out on a lot. Laughing my ass off. Not thought of a cool nickname yet, but I do have a story I hope you guys will like. I'm a Britbong btw.

>be 18
>house party going off, everyone's excited
>walk my ass there because fuck the bus
>it's two towns away and atop a huge fucking hill
>dragging my booze up this fucking mountain of a street like Frodo
>get to the top, fist the skies
>get in the house, crack my bottles
>everyone's having a good time
>blunts are rolled, a circle is formed
>puff puff pass, couple of people going apeshit 'ahhh shit son that's hella dank' and generally looking like fools
>goes round to my friend, lets call him ziggy
>he takes a drag
>immediately blows it out
>'ziggy what the fuck was that?'
>'i took a drag man, what are you talking about'
>he takes another drag, everyone fucking laughs in his face
>'that's not how you do it'
>show him the error of his ways
>take a huge drag, hold it in
>i feels it
>release, so good
>feel my whole body tingle in green-induced goodness...
actually i still can and im getting better at it. can do some solid parkour. no building jumping but i can do flips and wall jumps and stuff
what the fuck? didnt pacific rim come out a few years back. i was a sophomore in 2011-12 and i swear it was pacific rim i watched
nah bro came out last fall, we the same age then
just looked it up, came out last july. might be mixing up another trip then. i just know everytime i watch the first half hour of pacific rim i get the same shitty taste in my mouth of drinking that gross mixture

>hear a noise, the mating call of the backstabbing bitch
>my ex is here
>my fucking ex is here
>my fucking ex who cheated on me is here
>she keeps her distance but eyeballs me all night
>she has four friends with her of varying quality
>one girl is a 8/10 qt3.14 easy
>blue hair, red lips, full on ramona flowers
>her friends immediately start talking to me
>ex is just stood on her own like wtf
>her friends have ditched her, holy shit
>the night rolls on
>beer bong time
>my ex is crying in the other room because i wouldn't speak to her
>ramona is flirting with me mega
>fuck this, make my move
>'hey, wanna step outside for a sec?'
>speechcraft increased to 65
>we're shooting the shit
>everyone's inside on the beer bong or fucking around with the tv, time for the secret weapon
>pull a fatty from my shirt pocket
>i could almost hear the zelda treasure jingle
>we share the fatty, i make a pass
>one of the best kisses I've ever had
>we head upstairs, find a free room
>party host's parents room with a fat padded king size bed
>lock on the inside of the door
>get my fuck on
>meanwhile, my ex has been talking to simon
>simon is a neet virgin who loves my little pony and has a poster of gave newell in his room
>that he drew love hearts on
>he's comforting het and talking shit about me
>they go outside and down the street
>she slurps his dick in a kid's park
>police come past
>they both get slammed with being drunk in a public place AND indecent exposure AND sex acts in public
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Fellow countryman, let us bask in the warm glow and wisdom of the almighty Joe.

Hallowed are Joe and Snekdogg!
don't leave me hanging Joeee
>"yo, whaddup giant evil eyeball"
>"hello joe"
>we have a funny conversation
>realize gee is a super bro
>hes been my dxm trip buddy ever since then
>suddenly the cops are chasing me on my bike
>going down street in the middle of the night
>only some streetlights to light up road, no cars other than cops
>"woop woop, giant evil eyeball, get on, we gotta roll"
>we pull through an alley and go in between a few buildings before we reach his apartment
>"thanks joe, ill see you later"
>"yea, no problem man"
>ride away and black out
>next thing i know im waking up on an alien spaceship strapped to a table
>break through the straps and start sneaking around
>realize im on cals ship
>he abducted me
>a little backstory, cal was this dude from my school who was a senior when i was a sophomore
>he was super tall and skinny with long ass arms and short legs
>he hung out in our group and everytime he fucked up or pissed us off wed be like, "goddammit cal, you alien son of a bitch"
>anyways so he abducted me and i was on his ship
>have to go around stealthily
>realize he has all my friends abducted to
>oh no you dont
>stealth kill an alien guard by choking him out from behind
>james bond triple kill
>get a laser rifle from the aliens corpse and go around killing all the aliens
>hallucination fades away before i can kill cal
>he got away for now
>i pass out
>when i wake up, i have the wednesday feeling x10
>ultra light sensitivity
>can barely hear people they sound so far away
>super paranoid about everything
>so much amped up energy too
>just do parkour and gymnastics in my room to get that out
>but i feel so shitty
>i can barely think an intelligent thought
>it takes until tuesday of next week for that feeling to finally disappear completely
>look it up on erowid
>find out that if you are going to consistently do high doses, you should space them out one every 15 days to alleviate hangover effects
>moral: always research drugs and be careful on your first time

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Blessed are those whom embrace the alpha-laden glow of Joe. HELL FUCKING YEAH.

Snekdogg hath spoken, my negros.
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The whole fuckin' story for you guys to enjoy. Fuck yeeeah.
Holy shit. I wanna meet GEE.

I'll post another story I think you guys will like.
>be 17
>full on fuck the police mode
>sneak into the park at night with friends with weed and booze
>police checked us every night around ten, let us stay if we were quiet and had no contraband
>my bag had a hidden makeshift hidey hole in the lining where we stashed the fatties
>my friend had hidden a cache of alcohol in a nearby bush
>police leave, goodnight officers
>we get our smoke on and our drink on
>our friend, let's call him tyrone - he's a big black rugby player and the most alpha of us all
>pulls out acid
>what, where, why, how
>i don't want any, neither does my friend katie who i was desperately trying to get in
>friends smoke up and pop acid
>me and katie leave them to sperg out
>she tells me to follow her into the play area
>swings, roundabouts, see saws and climing frames...
thank you based snekdogg. you are truly enlightened
we can all me GEE if you truly believe in joe and accept him into you trip
im sorry joebros, but i gotta get up real early to work tomorrow so im gonna go. please continue to keep the joe thread alive and post any screencaps on the twitter
also archive this shit mikey so i can read it late

thanks /b/ros
No, thank YOU, based Joe
Got u Joe, heres the archive my niggas
http://4archive. org/b/thread/558973907
>'come swing with me'
>we're swinging, i'm way too into it
>blipped from the weed, my whole body feels like a celestial powerhouse punching through the stars
>my asshole feels like a wind tunnel in the best way possible
>i'm literally so high
>katie is laughing, calls me a big kid
>tells me to slow down, she has something to tell me
>i bring my ass in for a landing
>'i don't know how to say this'
>go on
>'well, basically i've kind of had a thi-'
>wanna fuck?
>her jaw slackens and silence falls
>i'm too high to dance around it
>i like you too katie, let's fuck while no one's around
>'wow, i don't know what to say'
>we kiss, she saddles me atop this climbing frame watchtower
>i fuck her against the balcony part
>berry my dick, best feeling ever
>pop in her mouth, feels good man
>all of a sudden screaming
>horrifying blood curdling screaming
>run over to friends
>where the fuck is tyrone
>friend points to the sky like motherfucking e.t.
>his giant ass is on the roof of the town hall
>what the fuck
>how the fuck
>he's sat there just laughing
>'tyrone get down you fucking idiot'
>there's like a fifteen foot drop if he isn't careful, because he was on the lower roof on the side of the building
>he starts to climb down
>his wide ass crawling back down the wall like a snail
>he drops to the ground, starts clapping
>then all of a sudden
>his face goes pale
>his eyes roll back into his head
>piss begins to flow
>he falls to the ground
>no no fucking no
>blue flashing over the way
>police car, must have heard the screaming
Also if any of you want the archive of the first thread
http://4archive. org/b/thread/558792227

Im out, peace
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Sorry guys, but Snekdogg's gotta bugger off as well tonight. I been sleep deprived, but I'm glad I got to hang with you fabulous motherfuckers again, tonight! KEEP UP THE THREADS, MY NIGGAS! Love posting with you anons.
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night niggr
>quick, help me guys
>we all haul his big ass up
>drag him into the shadows
>'the fuck do we do now?'
>look behind us, heavy bushes and foliage
>sorry tyrone
>drop his sleeping ass in the bushes
>tell everyone to sneak around to the other exit
>'what about you?'
>i fear nothing
>sneak between the shadows like sam fisher
>two cops approach, flashlights out
>crawl behind low cover, peeking around the bricks
>my foot hits the bag of booze
>why the fuck is it here
>torches on my position
>dead silence
>i'm fucked
>'they're not here'
>the cops stand for a moment, they must know i'm here
>they turn around and leave
>head back to tyrone
>where is tyrone
>where the FUCK is tyrone?!?!?!

Goodnight, fair herald.
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