>never had a girlfriend before, hardly any friends
>it was during holidays
>first week of holidays passed with me staying home almost all the time, was getting pretty tired of this
>one day my mother interrupted me while i was playing starcraft just as usual
>'anon, your friends want to talk with you'
>i wanted to talk with someone pretty badly but not exactly then
>well, they're my friends, what could i do
>'hi anon, come with us, we're going to the party'
>it was Mike, we knew each other from school but he was just making fun of me most of the time, never thought of him as one of my friends
>i just wanted to refuse and return back to playing starcraft
>'come on, anon, it's going to be fun'
>he must've known what i'm trying to do
>'i d-don't know, mike'
>some girls chuckled
>'you don't really have a choice, anon. you're going with us,' mike said, smiling like he always did
>'well, let me just do something first,' i said and returned to my room
>'yeah, yeah, tell your internet friends you're going to have fun tonight, anon,' said mike and some girls chuckled again
>few moments later i was on the way to my first party in ages, and, well, first real party in my life
>i didn't know the guy who organized this party. his house was huge and there was like fifty people inside already
>i knew some of them from school, never even talked with most of them, though
>'welcome to the party, anon,' said mike and hit me in the back a little too much. 'just do whatever the fuck you want, be yourself, anon,' he then said, leaving me alone. the girls went with him of course
>there was of course this one girl already at the party which stood out from the rest. she was a beautiful brunette and everybody knew her, even me, which is weird because she wasn't even from my school. her name was Lisa
>i didn't want her like most of the guys, probably because i didn't want to delude myself that i had any chances with her at all
>i just wanted to dring something as fast as possible to gain some confidence and maybe even try to have some fun
>suddenly my crush
>oh my god what is she doing here?
>she was just sitting there and talking with her female friend. i don't think she even knew who i was at that point
>meanwhile Mike was trying to pick up Lisa. he wasn't the only one of course, but one of the more successful players from the whole bunch
>'hi anon, you here?'
>it was David, one of my actual friends
>'here, have a drink,' he gave me a beer
>'let's talk, anon,' he then said. 'come on'
>we sat at the same table as my crush
>she didn't seem to care, no one did
>meanwhile Lisa and Mike started dancing, she was wearing sexy black short dress. most of the guys just looked at her for a few seconds, then we all pretended we don't care
>after several minutes of meaningless talk with David i started to feel a little drunk
Please help me keeping this thread alive.
>'are you having fun, anon?,' Mike appeared out of nowhere. he seemed high
>'yeah, i am,' i lied
>'see that bitch, anon?,' he pointed at Lisa who was still dancing. 'hoe's going to be mine tonight. cheers, anon,' he drank more beer and went away
>everyone near me remained silent the whole time. they probably didn't suspect that Mike "liked" me that much
>'do we know each other?'
>it was my crushes' friend, but she seemed curious, too
>'y-yeah, i've seen you before i think'
>'I'm Alex,' she introduced herself
>'Zoey,' my crush did too
>'nice to meet you, anon,' Alex smiled and i just wanted to be much, much more drunk than i already was
>'time to find my girlfriend,' said David. i forgot about him completely. 'cheers, anon'
>oh shit what now?
>'so... do you have someone, anon?,' Alex asked. Zoey was looking at me the whole time, but remained silent
>'no, not really. not at the moment, at least'
>oh my god what the fuck am i saying?
>'cool,' she said, smiling. Zoey smiled too
>'and you?,' i asked just to say something. it sounded stupid, though
>'it depends, anon,' she was still smiling
>i don't think i have to say it but they were both pretty drunk
>'y-yeah, i understand'
>i didn't, though, and it was pretty dumb thing to say
>'i'm glad you do, anon. cheers'
>what the fuck am i even doing here?
>inb4 walk the dinasour
>inb4 prince of bel air
>inb4 its all ogre now
Don't care if fake, continue writing
>suddenly complete silence
>music was still playing of course
>Lisa hit Mike
>'what the fuck are you doing, bitch?'
>'i heard how you called me. just get the fuck out of here, Mike'
>'you know? from whom? wait. maybe anon told you something'
>everyone instantly looked at me. i couldn't move a single muscle
>'it was anon, wasn't it?,' Mike continued. 'why would you believe this retard?'
>i know i should've done something, but i just couldn't. i remained completely silent the whole time
>'it's none of your business, Mike. just get out,' Lisa replied
>'come on, anon, say something,' Mike turned to me. 'if you have the courage to to talk behind my back, you can say something now'
>i just couldn't say a word. woudn't know what to say anyway
>'you're drunk, Mike,' said David in my defence. 'anon was with me the whole time, he didn't speak with Lisa'
>'shut the fuck up, loser,' he replied and then turned back to Lisa. 'you fucking whore can just fuck anon for all i care if you like him so much. i wouldn't want to be with you anyway'
>'maybe i should,' she looked at me
>she started approaching me
>oh my god what the fuck is happening?
>complete silence everywhere, music stopped to play long time ago
>she bent down and kissed me
>i didn't even move my lips, she did all the work and it felt fucking wonderful
>'fucking whore,' i heard Mike whispering
>suddenly cheers from everywhere. people started laughing
>Lisa sat next to me, embraced me and looked at Mike. he was pretty angry
>'get the fuck out, Mike. no one wants you here,' she said
>'you're batshit insane, bitch. are you going to get laid with anon now?'
>'maybe,' she answered, smiling
>what the fuck
What the actual fuck is happening I that gif.
>I shouted to mike
>He turned around slowly and said "What the fuck do you want "
>I jumped at him and starte sucking his cock
>I felt him getting bigger and loaning while a solid 3.2 inches filled my mouth
>I hear it in the distance
>Such a faint sound
>THE SOUND MADE ME TURN INTO A TEENAGE MUTANT TURTLE FROM THE 80s
>He came in my mouth, filled me with rainbows
>I turned to Lisa
>she came on spot
>she was clearly very drunk, but that should go without saying
>she looked at me for a while, not saying anything
>i don't know what happened to Mike, was to shocked to notice if he left or stayed
>people tried not to pay attention to us because it would be weird
>except for my crush, Zoey, and Alex. they were looking at us all the fucking time
>'do you like my dress, anon?,' Lisa asked me
>'y-yeah, it's beautiful'
>'so... anon,' she said ten seconds later, while rubbing my chest. one of her legs was on me. 'what else do you like about me?'
>'i-i like your hair... i guess'
>oh my fucking god that was atrocious thing to say
>'aren't you sure?,' she asked, pretending to be sad
>'no, i am. you're very beautiful'
>oh my god she just yawned
>i bet she thinks i'm a retard or something
>say something, just say something
>'a-and i liked that kiss'
>'yeah, me too,' she smiled. 'why don't we go upstairs, anon? there we can kiss as much as we want'
>i heard that Alex started to chuckle
>'yeah, sure... i mean, yeah, why not'
>oh my god i hope no one notices
>'follow me, anon,' said Lisa, grabbing my hand. she stood up and started pulling me somewhere
>i heard people laughing behind my back
>Lisa was laughing too
>i wasn't, though. and i bet everyone just saw that boner
>Inb4 pylons, dinosaur, level 80 tauren cheiftan, zerg rush, spaghetti, potato, x gonna x, jews, cp, dinosaurs, walking, chrisopher walkin, shrek, BR!?, monster mash, black hawk down, etc
Type faster nigger, I got shit to do today. Masturbating is just one of them.
>We walked upstairs
>sounded like a spooky movie
>we walked into her grandmas room
>her grandma wa on the bed looking at me
>"Is this the one" her grandma asked
>Her grandma slowly took her clothes off
>I felt my boner, grand 5mm
>"MATAWAKA CLOCK CLICK"
>A NIGGER POPED OUT AND STARTED THROWING COTTON AT ME
I feel like I'm reading a TV show from the early 2000's.
>we went to the bedroom
>'now, anon,' she said, while closing the door, 'where exactly do you want to kiss me?'
>'everywhere,' i said without thinking
>didn't make a move, though. i think she was waiting for me
>i wanted to fuck her so badly i didn't even think about being shy
>i approached her and kissed her in the lips, she still didn't want to do anything and i didn't quite know what to do
>'what are you waiting for, anon?,' she asked. 'i'm all yours, do with me whatever you want.' she smiled
>i never thought i could get a boner that big
>'did you have sex before?,' Lisa asked me
>'you could start by taking off my clothes, anon. let me help you,' she said and then slowly took off her dress
>she clearly enjoyed my hesitation
>she was wearing black underwear and she looked magnificent in it
>she jumped on the bed
>'it's your turn, anon, take off everything'
>i immediately started to undress while she was observing me and smiling
>'now take off your pants, anon,' she said. i didn't hesitate this time
>i took off the last piece of clothes i was still wearing, revealing my boner to her
>'nice cock,' she said that like it was completely regular thing to say
>'oh come on, anon, no need to be shy now. just do whatever you want with me. like all these things you always saw the pornstars were doing'
>that's exactly when my excitement finally gained full control over me and my body
>she was still smiling when i jumped on the bed and embraced her whole body. i started kissing her
>first i just kissed her on her lips, but it wasn't enough for me
>i just wanted to kiss her everywhere
>i kissed her on the neck, then started licking it
>'that's right, anon,' she said, taking off her bra. 'kiss me wherever you want'
>when i saw her breast, i knew exactly where i want to kiss her
too many details, clearly fake and not even funny, kill yourself
>Her breast shined in the night sky
>I sucked and sucked until she came
>ECERYONE JUNOED IN NIGFA NOGGA OGGACHCAKA
>OH GOD ANONSUN MOREE
>I HAD A TRICK UP MY SLEEVE
>I RAN TO MY HOUSE AND BROUGHT BACK MY LAPTOP
> I slowly typed it in on my Starcraft game I left on
>"show me the money"
>ZERG CANE FROM NO WHERE WITH MONEY IN THEIR MOUTHES RUNNING INSIDE OF HER
>BIGGER AND BIGGER AND OH NO
>her true form
>uncle nigger ogre of bel air
>giving a shit
>i started playing with her tits, she was still smiling
>biggest boner of my life
>she reached for my cock, started gently touching it
>she jumped out of bed and bent down to give me a blowjob
>i just sat down and looked at her, touching her beautiful black hair
>oh my god she was good at it
>started stroking it faster, then licked the bottom of my glans
>'you like it?,' she asked, while looking at me with a smile. her tongue was still playing with my penis
>'yes, don't stop,' i answered. i was already pretty close to cumming
>she took it all down her throat, i knew i was going to cum soon
>then she just took my glans into her mouth and started playing with it with her tongue
>i started cumming
>she swiftly took it off and started jerking me off, my cum ended up both on her face and in her mouth
>i closed my eyes while she laughed
>when i opened my eyes, she was licking my cum from her hands
>'did you like it, anon?,' she asked me
>'yes, it felt great'
>'i'm still turned on you know. don't tell me you're already done'
>i didn't say anything, just took her hand and made her stand up, then i took off her panties
>she was completely shaved
>i made her lie down on the bed, then i started to lick her pussy
>i didn't know if she'll enjoy it or not and i didn't even care, i just wanted to play with her pussy
>'yes, anon, that's it,' she said. she wasn't smiling anymore. 'just keep licking it'
>i started fingering her
>she bent back her head, her breast lifted up
>'don't stop, anon'
>she started to get pretty wet, and i felt that my boner is back
tfw reading this shit is more fun than actual sex
>My boner is back
>oh shit what have I done
>Iron Man 4
>BACK IN BLACK
>she turned into a nigger
>I HIT THE SACK
>She hit my nutsack
>Her dick got bigger and bigger
>NIGGERS FROM SPACE
sorry it takes so long I'm a beta nigger and I have windows vista I'm a random girl btw xD xD 1!1?!1
yea but still aren't blowjobs like pizza?
even if it's bad it's still good.
but then op implies that she gives good head, how can he know without getting head before?
>her body was perfect
>'i want you to fuck me, anon,' she said with a serious look on her face
>i stood up. when she saw my boner, she licked her lips, which was pretty sexy
>'do it,' she said, lying down on a bed
>i put my penis inside her, it felt wonderful
>i started slowly
>the i went faster and faster. she started to smile, tightening her fists
>she was tighter than i thought she would be but then again i didn't exactly have a good comparison back then
>she started moaning, but quietly
>i was feeling a little exhausted at that point, but obviously that didn't stop me
>'yes, anon,' she moaned, 'fuck meee'
>that was sexy as fuck
>i was just about to cum the second time, when she closed her eyes and started moaning, this time a little louder
>then i came in her
>suddenly the biggest exhaustion in my life, i just lay on the bed next to her
>she started laughing nervously, while covering her face with her hand
>'i can't believe you just made me cum, anon,' she said with amusement
>'yeah, me too,' i replied. then we just lay there without talking to each other. i was touching her beautiful hair and she didn't do anything, just lay there with me
>she stood up first, several minutes later, and silently started putting on her clothes
>i was observing her the whole time
>then she looked at me and smiled, but that smile wasn't intended for me, i think she was just amused. then she just left the room without saying anything
>She goes back to giving me the 8/10 blowjob
>Her face turns into pizza
>The grease dripping down my shaft
>The door opens
>He orders me onto the floor
>I walked the dinosaur
>go to party
>host of party is close friend and a girl, she has bf
>always wanted to bang her, just not meant to be
>Another girl, girl 2 there, a year younger than me, also has a bf but he's not at the party
>host and bf sneak off upstairs
>wander house with girl 2 and random guy 1
>door to girl 1's room open
>dress up around her stomach, bf has his pants off and is going to town
>cheer him on and walk downstairs
>Girl 2 complaining she's not getting dick tonight
>tell her I won't tell her bf if she won't
>dare her to get naked in front of pretty much everyone
>She does after much pressure
>me and random guy put one in her before the night ended
>all end up in hot tub at end of night
>underwater groping while bubble jets are on
>everyone getting a touch of everyone
>girl 1 is so tight still want to pound her to this day
>get handjob/footjob from two random in the hot tub
>still don't know who to this day
didn't matter, had sex
>after that i left the party without talking to anyone. i was exhausted and just wanted to sleep for the rest of the night. so yeah, that's basically everything important that happened that day
>next morning i logged on facebook
>mfw 15 messages
>most of them was meaningless, just some stupid emoticons and shit like that
>then i saw a message from Zoey
>faster heart beating
>by the way yes, i did feel fucking great thinking about what happened last night. i was no longer a virgin and even though that doesn't really mean anything (seriously), back then i thought everything is going to change now that i had sex
>so i started to read Zoey's message
>'hey anon, i really liked talking with you yesterday. let's do something together soon'
>'sure. what do you propose?,' i replied instantly and then went to bathroom to masturbate
>when i got back the answer was already there
>'Rob is organising a party tonight. let's go there together'
>i didn't even know who Rob was
>'okay, what time?'
>'pick me up around nine,' she responded instantly
>'where do you live?'
>she gave me the address
>'see you there'
>next few hours were pretty dull. i was still thinking about last night and Lisa. i didn't even play starcraft, just waited for the evening doing completely nothing the whole time
>i knocked on her door exactly at nine
>'hey, just give me a second, anon'
>i waited half an hour
>'okay, let's go,' she smiled. she was wearing a short black dress, just like Lisa was last night
>'so, did you have fun yesterday, anon?,' she asked me
>'what about you?,' i added after a moment
>'yeah, i did, too. let's make this night special, anon. you know what i mean?'
>i put my penis inside her, it felt wonderful
Having a feeling that this is fake as hell, but i still wanna think this happened
>>never had a girlfriend before,
> hardly any friends
>>it was during holidays
>>first week of holidays passed
> with me staying home almost all
> the time, was getting pretty
> tired of this
>>one day my mother interrupted
> me while i was playing starcraft
> just as usual
>>'anon, your friends want to
> talk with you'
>>i wanted to talk with someone
> pretty badly but not exactly
>>well, they're my friends, what
> could i do
>>'hi anon, come with us, we're
> going to the party'
>>it was Mike, we knew each other
> from school but he was just making
> fun of me most of the time, never
> thought of him as one of my friends
>>i just wanted to refuse and
> return back to playing starcraft
>>'come on, anon, it's going to
> be fun'
>>he must've known what i'm trying
> to do
>>'i d-don't know, mike'
>>some girls chuckled
>>'you don't really have a choice,
> anon. you're going with us,'
> mike said, smiling like he always
>>'well, let me just do something
> first,' i said and returned to
> my room
>>'yeah, yeah, tell your internet
> friends you're going to have
> fun tonight, anon,' said mike
> and some girls chuckled again
>>few moments later i was on the
> way to my first party in ages,
> and, well, first real party in
> my lifecont faggot
Alright... Alright, But he could at least make it more belieable.
>Virgin neckbeard fag gets 9/10 qt
Hard to believe, althought possible
>Virgin neckbeard proceeds to make said qt orgasm, being a goddamn virgin with no experience
Ok, that's it for me. I don't believe it.
>'sure. what do you propose?,'
OP, please stop, my sides have left the galaxy.
she could have faked it you retard
>we sat at the table, she immediately gave me a beer
>'so, anon, remember yesterday when we asked if you're with someone?'
>'then, well, is it still true? you know, after what happened tonight'
>'i think so'
>she just smiled at me, not saying anything
>'i like your dress,' i said after a while
>should i keep this conversation or just try to kiss her or something?
>i mean she does want me and i clearly want her, so why wait?
>i decided to be alpha for once
>'i really like you, Zoey'
>'i like you too, anon,' she smiled. i smiled too, and then silence again
>it was Lisa
>she was already very drunk
>she sat next to me, i didn't say anything, just smiled at her
>it wasn't supposed to happen
>she started to rub my chest just like yesterday
>'you were good last night, anon, you know that?'
>Zoey was just looking at us, not saying anything
>'y-yeah, you too'
>she kissed me
>'i'm going home now, anon,' Zoey said, standing up
>'no, wait,' i said, but she didn't listen. Lisa kissed me again
>'hey, Lisa, i want to talk with you,' said Mike, suddenly appearing out of nowhere
haha i had a similair experience.
>at party at best friends hoe's (weren't dating, just kinda talking/fucking( house
>late at night
>everyone passed out or barely moving
>best friend and his chick are up, drunk taking shots
>best friend passes out and his chick follows
>im still awake but fucked up
>start watching training day, drinking hennesy
>20 mins later friends hoe walks up
>shes like a 8/10
>bigger boobs, perky, nice ass, white/filipino mix, tan but not dark
>comes up in thong and bra
>"hey anon, what are you doing?"
>i look back and see her
>try not to look, "hey...what's up?"
>shes obviously tanked, but still coherent
>"Adam pissed the bed and I can't sleep on it now and need to go rinse off in the spa, want to swim?"
>I have known her for a few years, we got along well, so i figured it was fine to chill in the spa, have a smoke and a beer
>get to spa
>I laugh, "God I hope I don't piss the bed tonight"
>she looks at me and slides over in the spa next to me
>"I know because then ill have to leave your bed too"
>I laugh "what? your adams chick"
>"no were just talkin"
>feel her hands on my thigh
>"Hey I dont wanna do that to Adam"
>"It's fine we talked about it, were not really dating, here lets do a strikeout!"
> A strikeout is where you take a hit of herb then hold it in while you chug a beer then blow the smoke out
>We both take it and are fucked up
>I look over and see Robin Williams
>MFW "I am not kill"
>MFW I've never really been in a spa
my first time when I was 21 was witch a russian 8/10, and I met her almost the same way in a party, that can be true
the other half... there are many people in the world so it can happen in a different way, but I was painfully lame in the bed
>i decided to be alpha for once
>not even a minute later he's back to being a beta faggot with spaghetti falling out of his fanny pack
Jesus Christ what the fuck is this story even OP? This is starting to sound more and more like a shitty fanfiction written by a 11-year-old girl.
who tf has a friend names zoey?
I know I don't.
prolly because I dont have any friends.
>w/e I drove that bitch here anyway it was like a ten mile drive
>Lisa is flirting with mike
>they want a threesome
>we go down to the attic
>Mike pulls down his pants
>Lisa holds me down
>I'm about to get fucked in the ass
>it's all ogre now
>Mike smells strongly of onions
>he begins to pull off his skin, we're all horrified
>smell grows much stronger
>green flesh underneath Mike's skin
>he says "IT'S ALL OGRE NOW"
>Mike was actually Shrek in disguise
>he brutally ass rapes us for making a fool of him and fills us with his creamy oniony cum
>Shrek is love, Shrek is life
I train more than five days per week, mostly in edged combat but I train in several unarmed styles as well. These styles include hapkido, judo and samba. I think you would be well advised to leave me alone and show some respect before you have to learn it the hard way.
I never said I can't make a woman cum.
I've had sex over a thousand times, but with only two women.
First woman I fucked only 3 or 4 times.
Second woman is my wife.
I'm just saying, for someone who is inexperienced, it's easier to make a woman cum by fingering her than it is by fucking her
I'm 20, the parents of my generation stopped using normal names like those. They got all retarded artsy and started using names like Trent, Jenette, Pratt, and Tyler.
>inb4 Tyler's not weird
> i didn't even play starcraft
dat feel bro
dude in a couple hours i'm walking into town to fuck an 8/10 18y/o
reading this still makes me anxious and i'm a pro hehe xD
>mfw he could've attained skill in Starcraft instead of going for this shitty soap opera