ITT: we come up with completely useless super powers. I'll start
>the ability to power any electronic device while having sex
>inb4 that one guy who always finds some illogical use for our powers
>find hot 10/10 blonde
>she won't have sex with you because you are fat neckbeard who browses /b/
>turn into giant 14 inch nigger dildo, hide in her room
>she uses you to fuck herself
>you have just had sex with a hot 10/10 blonde
ability to cause radio interference if I position my arms like an antenna
>fake phone call?
>radio on the bus?
>date is a cyborg?
so many problems resolved at once. pic unrelated
The ability to make a fedora appear over your head whenever you say "m'lady" or "r/atheism".
It, however, disappeares after you finish saying the word so you can't sell them and get cash.
>the power to instantly convert clean water into urine by drinking it
Basically it would skip everything else. Any water that I drink would be instantly converted to urine to be pissed out. I could do this at will, any time I wanted.
the ability to slightly increase the speed of one red blood cell that courses through your veins
you can't do that. maybe you can increase the speed of your red blood cells by moving a limb or something. but you still don't have the power to slightly
control the speed of one red blood cell at will.
The ability to fuck a heated toaster while singing a top 40 song
not really usless cause it has mind fuck and spooky properties.
even though they can hear you they cant see you so logic would say the trombone sound is coming from elsewhere but you could be right there playing it and itd drive the person crazy
This splits hairs at a level where your whole point is that it's so insignificant and specific that it is inarguable.
I'm saying that your power can't be inarguably useless, this "power" could be said not to even exist. It's almost unprovable.
The dynamic duo:
76 degrees Fahrenheit man
Unlimited jackets man
You are slightly uncomfortable so you go to take off you jacket then you realize you have another jacket. There is no way to stop this evil
>implying time moves at a linear constant speed
>implying our perception of the world doesn't quicken as time speeds up randomly
>implying it doesn't stop when time stops
>implying it matters since the way we percieve things is our universe and not the way it actually is
well now its lightly more useless but the spooky properties just skyrocketed
>be doing random business at night have to go down creepy alley or maybe you're in a spooky place to begin with
>randomly hear trombone music
>around the corner comes a floating trombone
>it plays louder and more aggressively the closer it gets
>it chases after you
videotape it and many laughs for weeks
The ability to attract 10/10's, but the lack of interest in relationships.
>The ability to become invisible but only when nobody sees you
>hide where nobody can see you
>they now can't see you because you are invisible
This thread was about useless powers.
You'd just have to convince one nig nog to join the military and get cloned. Then you would have a unlimited amount of angry pre-trained ape people to fight for you. You could take over the entire world.
That first one isn't so useless.
> girl wants to play with vibe/plug
>fuck, no batteries
>well, I guess I'll call Powder
The ability to be invisible but only in pitch darkness
see this post
you cant stay concious then time is frozen, so you won't even notice taht you just stopped time. you could stop time for millions of years and it would be like nothing happened.
The ability to know the winning numbers of any lottery...after the ticker is bought, but before the numbers are announced. You don't know who has the winning ticker or where they are or anything.
>OP challenging all of /b/ to a pissing match.
> being shocked when he loses
the power of xray vision, flying, invincibility, invisibility, time travel, running/flying at the up to the speed of light (based on your preference), know what people are thinking, super strength, hypnotize people, eye lasers, move objects without touching, super intellect, and the ability to meta-morph into any inanimate object you wish.
But you're not a rapper.
>begin permabanning bananafags
>they post through 8 proxies about how they got b& for posting banana
>massive backlast ensues, every thread is 100+ bananas
>only the truly dedicated stay on /b/ to fight the bananawar
>/b/ is saved by banana
ability to be universally respected and well-liked by all of /b/ for each and every post.
Did a bad screencap compilation of this thread. Thought it might be funny later.
So you're calling MOOT useless? (well, he kind of is since he hasn't already done this.)
You could ruin a country's gold supply with this. The North Korean government would love you to do this to Fort Knox. That could make you a lot of money.
This would increase the value of gold.
Who has well-protected gold. The jews.
Zionist conspiracy confirmed.
>pic related, it's you
Ability to have 3 lives.
But they all must be /exactly/ the same.
1. Ability to see through glass
2. Ability to change the time of all electronics within a 2 meter radius by one 10^-30 second
3. Ability to more than often mix up your right and left
4. Ability to fart out of mouth
5. Ability to give off a musk that lustfully attracts all retards to you within a 1 km radius.
omg, can I save this picture? My facebook friends will surely get a "lol" out of this. LOL
Revealing killers in darkness
Scat fetishist-porn assistant. Out of shit? Just blow your nose.
2% to become famous by killing a famous person
Existing forever, ie. immortality for everyone even though nobody could observe such a feat
Do this at night in cow farms. Start selling water-milk cures to stop milk from turning into water. You're now a millionaire and a renowned scientist.
By spinning fast enough and being able to stay composed you could be your own centre of gravity, or atleast partially.
Relaxation expert. Extra-relaxed classes during tuesday afternoons for those truly overwhelmed by work
>be walking on the street
>decide to turn on all dildos within a radius of 20 miles
>enjoy chorus of moans starting at the same time from all over the city
>be featured on TV in the evening
>hacker 4chan strikes again
This site gets a lot of traffic. You could start a political movement, organize a raid, stage a mass suicide, create a weird news event by having 69 people try to blow themselves on 06/09 and end up in the hospital.
ability to have sex with any woman, but you are raging homosexual who gets PTSD from heterosexual encounters, costing in therapy, more than you could make from prostitution or porn
ability to have endless supply of reddit-gold you can only use yourself
You weren't just pretending to be retarded.
THE APOCALYPSE IS HERE. ALL ELECTRONICS HAVE BEEN DESTROYED AND THE WORLD IS IN DARKNESS. You now have the only lamp made of human technology in existence.
Replace your eyelids with see-through plastic material. Amaze people with your eyemagix
Short-term relation ships yo. take debt in their name, they die, you get to keep the dosh. Or atleast 50% of it.
Write a bestseller. "The homosexual man with severe post-traumatic stress disorder who can't afford to fuck every woman even though he could"
Fuck people around corners or from under/over bathroom stalls. Or go into gymnastics pornography
How the fuck would a well tune piano do that? His only power is to tune them, not play them (and when they are moved back to room temperature they go out of tune automatically).
You're a moron. Just abandon thread and kill yourself while you can
thks anonymoose. You're not a bad guy at all, like the news guy sed.
Fly through viscuous fluids or in vacuum
Blowjobs from the side.
The ability to come up with stupid-ass uses for near useless super powers
Walk through a store or a dentist's office. Smell of ass packaged everywhere
You'd still die though
I suck at these
Eternal life, but you can only interact with the universe through /b/.
Since /b/ is not eternal, your existence will simply loop from start of /b/ to the end.
Again, the ONLY way can only interact with universe is through /b/. (So yes, if you made up some scheme to make $$$, you could only spend it on 4chim pass, and only after m00t creates it, which is obv quit a bit into it's life. People can buy stuff for you, but you could only interact with those things through /b/ as well..)
Find a fault: protip, you can't, it's utterly worthelss
the power to turn everything you touch into skittles
>Become communist superhero
>you could only spend it on 4chim pass
if so, I have access to paypal\bitcoin network
I can use it to communicate with other part of universe
And if someone write gateway for bitcoin network, I would be able to communicate with all internets through bitcoin network.
>worse than 4chan gold
So, like, it only removes some of the capchas?
So, if it removes 25% of the capchas, and I bought two subscriptions, would it remove 50%, or 25%, plus 25% of that 25%?
>gateway for bitcoin network
tcp -> bitcoin -> tcp gateway
So I'm guessing you don't know how to play? Because if you did, you would also know that temperature changes cause the strings to change length, so that it goes out of tune.
>hurrr duurr ur stupud
>Is actually stupid himself
three reasons you're wrong:
1. No, because the only rule, the one that apparently you forgot, is that you cannot interact with the universe except through /b/
2. and you don't have access to anything directly.. except /b/. So someone else would have to have accessto the network
3. Assuming the above were proven not relevant, fine, you can communicate with all internets through bitcoin network, but again, you can only ineract through /b/ so your communication will have to be second hand at best. And anything you spend the money on, well, you can only interact with that through /b/ too,
Get rekt, son.