>While browsing /b/, you come across a door.
>The door is wooden, with a stone frame and has a metal ring handle.
>You knock on the door. Nothing.
>You decide to try to open the door.
>The door is unlocked.
>You push open the door.
>A stale smell wafts out of it.
>Are you sure you want to enter? There may be no coming back.
>You press through head first.
>You enter the next room.
>Someone has been living here. The stench is over whelming.
>The walls have anime posters. The floor has a lone pillow with a girl printed on it. Its crusty.
>There is a shelf with books and anime items . A draft can be felt coming from behind it.
>Piss bottles line the floor.
>It would appear someone has been living here.
This is not my room. But it looks familiar. What's behind that shelf?
" Who dares enter?! "
>A shout from behind you. You've been ambushed!
> You spin around, caught off guard.
" You dare to enter my lair?! You will never have the treasure! Fool! "
>This guys looks serious, in a way.
I dont want any trouble bro.
>He lunges at you with a knife and a katana. They look sharp. Hes holding them like an idiot. But you dont have anything to defend yourself with!
" You'll never defeat me! OTAKU STRIKE! "
>His testicle dangles with every strike!
>You dodge his attacks pretty easily. Quite frankly, hes fat and slow.
>You pace the room, dodging his blows. And his flying testicle! It almost skimmed your leg! That was close.
>You grab a chair and attack the Cockgoblin.
Fuck you, and your Shit la Shit!
>You shout as you land a direct hit!
"UGh! I-I cant go on."
>The fat sack of shit falls over. You hit him pretty hard Anon, but good job.
Time to inspect the room.
>You rummage through the items in the room.
>You find several japanese language books and magazines.
>It looks like he has been browsing /b/. He was in the middle of saying " OP IS A FAG " on a post before you came in. It looks like he miss spelled the captcha.
>A waft comes from behind the book case.
>The breeze becomes too irritating. Not to mention to distaste for his anime collectables.
>You throw the bookshelf out of the way.
>The bookshelf comes tumbling down with all the collectables braking on the walls and floor from impact.
>A hidden door was revealed! Theres also a Azumanga Diaoh poster on the door. Who would cover that up? This guy had shit taste.
>|You take one last look at your surroundings and a whiff of fermented piss.
>You go through the door.
>You enter the second room in this dungeon.
>It looks as if someones been having a rather sad LAN party.
>There are video game posters on the walls. Discarded pizza and snacks around the tables.
>It would appear there is a bucket in the corner of the room.
Well, well, well.
>It looks like someones been shitting in the bucket. Yet, somehow missing and splattering the walls with shit.
>You turn around to see a small, pathetic creature!
>Hes holding a pair of guns, they look real enough.
>He seems pretty pissed off, or hes hyperventilating, its hard to tell.
" What do you want, NIGGER! Fucking NOOB! "
>He doesnt look friendly, I think he's looking for a fight!
>You pick up the bucket of shit and throw is at him!
>Direct hit! The shit however hasnt done much damage. In fact. It's only pissed him off!
>HES FIRING AT YOU?! THOSE ARE REAL GUNS ANNON! SHIT!
" YOU FUCKING NIGGER SHIT BITCH, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU OMG! I FUCKED YOUR MOM! "
>It would appear he's the one who fucked your mother, Anon! Sure, he must be like, 12 or something, but it's clearly a fact! This kid fucked your mom!
You son of a bitch!
>You duck and dive, avoiding some of the fire!
>You dive behind a chair. It takes some fire, you haven't been hurt too badly. You need to look for the right moment!
Leauge of Legends is shit! Dota is better! Fuck, even a dora the explora game has more in depth gameplay that LoL!
>You shout at him. It's clearly made a huge impression on him!
"YOU FUCKING NIGGER BITCH WHORE! COOLDOWNS FUCKING LAG! "
>This is your chance!
>You run up and punch him square in the face!
>The little faggot falls to his knees.
>On closer inspection they were BB guns, he was using metal ball baring for bullets though.
" Rosetta...I've failed.."
>The little cock gobling says before passing out.
>You kick the guns across the room before he wakes up. You decide to look through his pockets.
>Inside you fine a key to a door , two coins, a stick of chewing gum and an expired condom.
>You make a mental note to wash your hands.
>You drag his unconscious body to the shit corner and place him face down in the now empty shit bucket. Justice.
>You walk up to the door and try to turn the knob. Its locked! Surely this key will work.
>You place the key in the door.
" BRO COME HELP ME!!! "
" YA BRA? U WOT BRA! "
>You spin around, back to the entrance from whence you came. Someone stands in the door way.
>A skin head! Hes obviously seen battle.
"U WANT FIGHT NIGGER? U FIGHT MY BRA? IM THIRST IN MY CLASS IN THE NAVEY SEALS BITCH ILL FUCK U UP! "
>It doenst look like youre getting out of this one!
>You turn back to the door, fumbling the keys!
COME ON! COME ON!
>The keys fall to the floor.
>The skinhead is coming closer! What do?!
>You bend down to pick up the keys.
>Shit! The skin head is in punching distance!
>HES GOING ALL OUT WITH HIS FISTS! Because he has tiny legs, hes been skipping leg day.
>The punches come at you like a ton of bricks.
" YEAH U WOT NIGGA U WOT?! YA MATE. NO MATE!"
>A jab hits your chin, you see stars!
>You reach into your pockets to give him all the money you got!
>You only have the two coins you stole from his brother, but you offer it to him anyway.
Here take it! Take the money, leave me alone!
" HAHA YE MATE DATS MINE NOW AINT IT "
>He continues to lunge at you with his bulking fists of racism.
>The hits just keep coming.
Ow, fuck! Stop!
>I dont think you can take much more of this. He isnt letting up!
>You do the only thing you can do a hit back where you can.
" U EVEN TRYING MATE! GO ON, I'LL LET U 'AV A FREE HIT. PUSSY! "
>This is it! Good thing he's a fucking idiot.
>You put all your effort into this one punch!
>You punch this cockhead straight in the chest!
>ITS STUNNED HIM!
>You hit him again! And again! Fuck, he didnt stop hitting you, so why should you?!
>With each hit, he becomes more winded, he cant throw a punch!
Haha! How you like me now, bitch?
" P-Pussy! Cheating pussy... "
>The skinhead falls over his chair, looks like its lights out for that guy.
Might as well take a look around the room.
>You kick the two cockgoblins a couple times to make sure theyre out cold. They dont make a sound, but it feels grate to kick him. They deserve it.
>The walls have call of duty posters and other generic posters. The PC monitors are displaying online games.
>It would appear one PC has Leauge of legends and the other Counter strike. Both players on each game seem to be getting flamed by their team mates.
Hahaha! Ahh, well doesn't look like there's much else to do here.
>You unlock the door and swing it wide open.
>A familiar damp, fermented urine smell blows into the room.
>There's a creaking sound behind you. You turn around to see what it is.
>Its the big fucker you took out.
"He-heh, l-listen to the guy in the next room. Faggot, do what he says ye? "
>His final words before slumping back in his seat.
>Confused. You walk through the door.
>You come to a small room. The walls are mixed stones.
>It feels cold and damp in here.
>The walls have slime and moss growing on them.
>There is a deep pit in the center of the room. and behind that a caged door, with a big rusty lock on it. Typical.
>There is a bottle in the corner of the room with a golden liquid inside.
>Skulls and bones decorate the edges of the room.
>Something feels off about this place.
>You pick up the golden liquid bottle.
Huh, well lets see if this works.
>You throw the bottle at the lock. You should have poured it, but you decided to throw it. Smashing the bottle.
>The content of the bottle and broken glass shatters across the room and through the bars.
>You walk up to the lock. A smell hits you.
Oh, it was urine....
Well good thing I didnt drink it! Hahah,ugh..
>You go back to inspecting the room.
>A shiver crawls up your spine as you step towards the centre of the room, by the pit.
>You decide to look down the pit, in spite of your best judgement.
>Upon inspection, you find a naked man at the bottom of the pit. The floor is bare dirt, smeared with shit.
>There is a old wooden barrel of, hopefully water and a few loose stones which can be used as a ladder.
>The naked man is waring a mask and there appears to be something sticking out of his arse.
Oh, uh, hello.
>He looks up to you.
" OHHHH! "
>You're taken back. How many times have you had a naked guy with something in his arse talk to you while he's in a pit? What? Oh man, this is getting weird.
Uh, yea hello.
" HELLO! My friend! Hello! Well done on getting this far, I must say. You are a handsome young fellow are you not?! "
>The man crawls out of the pit for a moment, however he always faces away from you.
>You step back, quite far back.
Uhhh, dont make me fight you!
" FIGHT?! Noooo. I'm not a fighter. Im your buddie. Youre bro, bro. I know why you're here. I know what you seek. "
>You're a bit too weirded out at the moment to speak.
>" Well now. To continue youre quest, you must help me, help you. For the key you seek is in my arse. It got suck in there some time ago and I cant get it out. "
>You stand there shocked in the cold as to stare at this naked guys arse. a key somehow turning by its own. Thats one powerful butt hole, you think to yourself. Which you think is weird, but look where we are now.
So.. I should... pull it out?
" Yes! This is the only key that will open that lock. And if you help me, I will help youu. "
>You think to yourself.
Well, I have to wash my hands anyway. And there's a barrel of water in that pit.. I would like to see whats beyond that door....
" Oh ho ho. Yess. Help me my friend. "
>You look behind you and around to make sure no ones watching, and there isnt any cameras in the room. If this is some fucking prank I sware Ill snap this guys neck.
>You reach down to the key. It stops turning when your hands are on it.
" OH! "
>You begin to pull the key out of the guys butt.
Oh God Why... This better be worth it.
>You have the rusty key!
>You attempted to kick him in the nuts. But he scurried back into the pit.
Haha, youre a fast guy.
" MMM HMMM "
>You go down the pit. To the water.
This, IS, water...right?
"Yes, yes it is my friend "
>You dip the key in the water to wash it off.]
It IS water!
" See, I told you. Faggot. "
>You drank the liquid in the barrel. Forgetting you just washed a shitty key in it.
ARGH. Oh well.
>You wash your hands anway.
>You get out of the pit. Unlock the door. It swings wide open.
" Oh, oh! Friend. Before you go. There is a fork in the road coming up. And as you helped me. Ill help you. You will want to go LEFT. Dont go right. GO LEFT. "
>You thank the troll and head on through the door.
>The rusty barred door clangs against the stonework and echoes down the hallway.
>As you walk on, you do indeed come to a fork in the road, as they say.
Looks like I'll have to make a choice. Do I go Right, or do I go left.
Can I trust that troll... He did help me out..Kind of.. Hmm... And he called me a friend....
>You stop to think for a moment. I dont think there will be any turning back after this.
I could go right! My better judgement is to not trust a troll.
>You stand motionless in the hallway.
I could go left.
No! I'll go right! I'd be stupid to trust a troll.. even after that moment we shared.
>You try to blot out the memories of the past and your successful. You'll be telling your therapist about that one day after they dig it out of the cold depths of your mind.
>You charge on towards the right path.
>You travel down the right pathway.
>You stop at a door and open it, it is unlocked and you enter.
>You come to a sizeable room.
>The walls are coated in posters.
>No, they're not posters, they are memes. Not even good memes. Just generic shit. Theres a welcome mat on the floor that says: "Welcome, or not. " with a picture of a penguin on it...
Did I forget something? ... No. No I did not.
>You look around the room and see a laptop computer. Crusty socks and various...toys..
>You hear a buzzing sound come out from the shadows.
>You turn around, to see a man..or a woman...or a man... TO SEE A PERSON! Sitting in a wheel chair, they have a meme shirt, it just says Y U NO. They also have an adult diaper on. Oh cruel world.
Oh, Hi. Just passing through.
>You walk up to the door on the other end. You dont want to stay here, shit.
>The creature wheels up to you. And In a loud voice he shouts!
" YOU SHALLLLL NOOOOOOOTTT PASSSSSSSSSS ".
>The booming voice floods the room, and echoes down the corridor you just came from.
Wha....What! You want to fight?!
>The cripple shouts again!
> "YOU SHALLLL NOOOOOT PASSSSSS! "
> He's got the key to the door, you just know it!
>You want to get through that door. Will you will have to play his silly little game? What to do....
>You burst into a fit of uncontrollable rage!
>You grab the torch from the wall and throw it at him! Burning him a bit.
>You dive across the room and wield the dildos on the floor.
BRING IT ON!!!
>You start smacking the cripple in the face with the dildos! You dont even stop to think about where these have been. Not to mention that you just washed your hands. Thats life you would think.
>You start to shove the dildos down his throat.
>They dont quite get in there, he has no gag reflex and doesnt seem to be choking at all.
>You continue to land direct hits on this cripple.
"STOP!! STOOOOPP! Waahhhhh!! Ahhhh! "
>The cockgoblin burst into tears. His wailing voice echoes down the halls.
>You're stunned and taken back. Your rage subsides.
" Ahhhh! Wahhhh! MOM! MOOOM! Ahhhh "
>You feel a pain in your chest.
>You realise you just franticly beat a retarded cripple. You feel bad about it, but not really.He was asking for it.
" WHAAA.. Whahaaaa * JUST TAKE THE KEY AND GOOO! "
>The cripple digs into his diaper and throws the key at you.
>You pick up the key and unlock the door.
>With the door now unlocked you have a chance to look around the room.
>You look into your pockets to see if you have some gore pictures, but all you have is some gum and a condom from that little shit you took out earlier.
>You decide to beat the cripple to death. He is completely defenceless. You have the upper hand and the dildos. You can fight! And you WILL FIGHT!
>You beat the cripple to death. His sobs and whimpers slowly fade. His life ends.
>However looking at his laptop, he will forever me immortalised on faggit.
>You quickly delete all his posts and his account.
HAHA! Ahh, oh well.
>You pull out the condom from your pocket.
Dont be silly, wrap your willy.
>You push over the corpse, and do the old, IN OUT IN OUT.
>You finish your job.
>Pull up your pants and back to the adventure.
Not much else to do here I guess.
>You amble through the door, feeling refreshed...but ohh sooo dirty....
>You come to a long corridor.
>This is the only room in the dungeon so far that hasnt smelled like piss.
Is this a shower room?
>You think to your self, but than notice a carpet in the center of the room.
>You have a bad feeling about this room. But you cant tell what it is...
>You decide to look around. There is a small drain on the floor.
>There is shower heads above and flaming toarches coating the walls.
>The walls are stone brick and look nicely polished. Its a bit cold in here.
>The room reminds you of the pit.... But you dont want to recall that.
>You decide to look under the rug in the centre of the room.
>The rug looks pretty worn down and very out of place.
This is obviously a trap!
>You pull the rug away to find a small pit, filled with brown water and spikes jutting out from it.
Wow! Good thing I looked.
>A tear runs down your face. You think about the past. About your friend and his advice, which you paid no attention to. However you said so your self. " Onward! ". There is no going back.
I'm sorry...my friend.
Well, moment over.
>You regain yourself.
>You look around the room some more.
>There are some loose stones you managed to avoid on the floor. Good for you!
>You walk towards the drain in the room and look down it.
Hey! I see something.
>In between the bars you see what looks like a key!
Aww that must be for the door! All right!
Now how should I open this?
>You stop to think...
>You take off all your clothes.
Dont want to tear my clothes off using all my might for this! AGGGHHH!!
>You use all your tard strength!
>You pull with such might that you could probably prolapse!
>Put the drain just poped right out.
Huh. I didnt have to use all my tard strength after all.. Well now I feel like an idiot.
>You put the drain cover aside and look into the hole.
>You go to grab the key.
Wait. Its just painted on. ARGH!
It must have been that fucking troll!
...Ha..you got me, buddie... You got me.
>You decide to throw a torch into the pit with spikes.
>The torch goes out. Sounded nice though,
>You walk up to the door at the end of the hall.
>Making sure to avoid the suspicious stones on the floor.
>You try to open the door.
Really? It was open the whole time?
>You feel dumb but, progress is progress, you head on through the door. You dont want to spend any more time in this room.
>You come to a grand room!
>This place looks like a palace compared to everything before!
>The floor is marble with a chequered pattern. There are stone supports lining the walls with red drapes in-between them.
>The torches on the walls have golden handles and are burning bright.
>You look up to see a beautiful hand painted ceiling. Its decorated with loli's with wings, musical instruments and the heavens them selves.
Man, what is this place?
>Joy fills your heart, you feel wonder at what you see.
>A throne sits upon a large marble slab, embroidered with gold leaf decorations that the artist could be arsed to draw.
>A sweet cent and a strong wind comes from behind the throne...
you make sure not to activate any traps and take a look behind the throne/move it aside to reveal the hidden path.
you follow that path and eventually you can see nessy, who asks you if you could give him about tree fiddy.
both, you and nessy spill your spaghetti all over the place and walk the dinosaur out of the dungeon
congrats, youve won 1000 internets