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>>575356542 I have the GIF Apparently, the 'mother' character would send you stuff in the game but, presumably, it was the real mom doing that. (Can you gift things to other people/players in this game?)
does anyone else notice that hatred, bitterness and fake narcissism is the thing/things that stop you from hitting rock bottom or becoming overly depressed, anytime i feel bad about myself i use these(subconsciously) to help boost me up..its kinda hard to explain
>>575356507 Cark Sagan, was, and continues to be my hero, I can only hope that he was wrong about an after life, hopefully I will find him floating in a nebula somewhere in the infinite cosmos, surrounded by many difference races and cultures as he preaches all the secrets of space and time.
>>575357156 I day dream alot. It's about something happy (where I'm doing the impossible, telling a funny joke), pretending I'm smarter than I am, or doing something extremely courageous. I know it's all bullshit because when I face any kind of pressure in real life, I crumble.
So, ya, I do it too. It doesn't get in the way of anything; mostly because I'm not doing anything interesting or important.
>>575357031 Half of those are exactly my dad. Whatever. When I was 5 or 6 we were playing catch in our backyard, he was throwing the ball way too fucking hard for me, so hard my glove flew off of one of his throws. anyway I kept flinching at the ball and he kept yelling "STOP FLINCHING AT THE GODDAMN BALL" and then beamed it right at my head. I ran inside and oddly don't remember what happened after that. He's a police officer who hit a kid with a baseball because he "kept flinching" I don't give a fuck
I see where you're coming from, Anon. In alot of social situations I play the clown who always has the smile on his face and the dark humour to go with it. What I really want is to tell my friends how I really am inside, I feel like I'm wasting away from the inside out and there's nobody I can talk to about it because of the front I have going on. I don't know what to do anymore.
My dad came home from work yesterday and I was sitting in my room playing League of Legends. He called for me to come out, and so did my mom, and so did my sister. I sat and played for 7 hours. He went to bed.
He wanted to tell me about his day and hear about mine. I'm a piece of fucking shit.
>>575356507 >>575357362 Yeah, well if Carl Sagan really was your hero, then you'd be a fan of the truth. Here's the truth - he basically ignored his first wife, the one that bore him children, and ignored the children too. While she busted her ass cleaning the house and raising his children, he'd invite friends over and play games and shit - oh, and she was busy working on her own PhD at the same time.
I read hist biography, and in it they say that , well he was just a product of the patriarchal 50's.
Whatever, the fucker never washed a dish because he believed it was beneath him, but he had no problem letting his wife take care of it while he soaked up adulation and intellectual stimulation.
I'd rather stay away from drugs, some of my past friends have fucked their lives up too much from it, some of my family aswell. I usually drink to get the pain away, but I don't drink much around others incase I just spill out.
Well, tell your friend there's an Anon out there with a similar problem, and tell him it should be fine. I usually confide my shit with online friends with similar stories (hence /b/), so I at least get it off my chest. I'm not even sure how I'd tell my friends that the person that they think they know is pretty much a fucking sham that's hiding a waste of a human being behind a mask of sarcasm and foolishness.
Listen. These threads are nice every now and then to just have a bit of a cry.
But you guys cannot get down in the dumps this much. Life is not easy. But life rewards those who take the bull by the horns. Get out there and change shit. Go to the gym. Shave your neckbeard. Realize that MLP shit is not helping your cause. Talk to a girl. Get your confidence back.
Instead of coming home and spending 8 hours on the computer, go out and do something constructive. Take a cooking class. Go biking for an hour. Read a book. Make some friends.
Stop feeling sorry for yourselves. It does not help anything, believe me. I still do it from time to time, and it just doesn't help.
You're better than this. I want to see you all make something of yourselves, and be productive members of society, and have friends, and get laid/get girlfriends. It all starts with you. Stop feeling sorry for yourselves or blaming other people for your problems.
I've fucked up almost every friendship/relationship I've ever had by being a selfish asshole. The guilt and regret are overwhelming sometimes.
The guy I've been talking to online for a little over a year gradually stopped talking to me. I think I inadvertently pushed him away with all the stupid shit I do/say sometimes. I feel like an idiot for putting any emotional investment at all into an online friendship, but fuck it, what else do I have?
>>575366535 Get some medical help you goddam fucktard jesus christ this is what people hate about depression "WHAHAHHAAA I'M SO SAD AND DEPRRESSEEEED" Oh really? Then go fucking help yourself you goddam piece of shit. Mommy isn't here to kiss you better.
>>575367123 Not always that easy. Been trying to get help for about 5 years. Been on a shit ton of different medications, different combos of the same ones. Nothing has worked, or they have made me worse. I was one a some that made my sister worry that i was going to flip out and kill our entire family. She would make sure she kept her kids away from me. She told me all this after i was off them and back to normal.
Anyways its not that easy to find the right meds that work for you.
>Be me >A couple months old >Parents died in a car accident >have no recollection of my parents, only ever seen pictures >Raised by my grand parents on mother's side >Latvian immigrants, accent has become a song songy English >Call grandfather Opa >grandmother Oma >Growing up was normal, grandparents were only in their 70's so they could still take me places. >And every night at dinner, we'd just sing and laugh. >Life was fucking good >first day of kindergarten arrives >Kids see my grandparents dropped me off >Start calling me wrinkles >kids playing Lego in the corner >Can I play? >"No, go away wrinkles" >Didn't get it >ask Oma why they call me wrinkles >She sits silent for a minute >"They're just jealous cause we're getting ice cream" > Then, We got fuckin ice cream and the day was good.
There's still plenty more, and that's not even cracking the surface on the shit I went through, Continue?
>>575367925 Okay try and keep the thread alive >Kindergarten went by fast >Mostly played Legos all day at my own table >In grade one kids would come to my lunch table, eat my food, and spit it back out at me. >Would go home, play Legos, have a good dinner, have Oma and Opa sing a lullaby before bed then fall asleep >Rinse and repeat that for a while >And then I met my best bud >Fynn >Fynn was new to the school that year, so naturally, he sat next to the outcast >We talked about Lego for a while >then he asked me >"Why do they call you wrinkles?" >cause I have an Oma and Opa and not a mom and dad >He looked confused but pretended to get it >Went home >Told Opa I had met a friend >his eyes lit up, turns out he knew about the bullying. Didn't figure that out til later >And then I asked him >Why do I not have a mom and dad >He frowned and told me >"Mommy and Daddy are across sea in Europe, designing Legos" >I got so excited I practically passed out when bedtime came >Told kids at school my parents were Lego designers >Grade 4 kid overheard me, called me a faggot. >Didn't understand Cont.
>>575355571 >i had it all, a great job, a girl that loved me, not debts, no limits >and she left me with no excuse given, just like that one day >moved away, lost my health, my home, my everything.. stuck disabled for "the rest of my life" >she has a beautiful daughter, a husband with two sons, and a wonderful life doing what she wants >haven't seen her in ten years >half the man I used to be
>>575353475 that really is a story, but every single one of those people in the story was a huge dick! That guy in the story should have taken action about the injustices committed against him due to simple bad luck.
>>575369042 Fast forward to grade 5 >Me and Fynn are going strong, we play Mario and such now, less enthusiastic about Lego >Me and Fynn had played Mario at his house for a while >Opa came and picked me up >He had a head-ache >Wanted me to keep my voice down >Excitedly bounced up and down in my seat for a while trying to contain my excitement about playing Mario for 3 hours >We got home and immediately started eating dinner >Me and Oma singing que sera >Opa has his head in his hands >we finish up the song on a really high note >I practically scream it >Opa slams his fist on the table >"YOU TWO, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" >silverware flies as me and Oma sit in silence >Tears stream down my face >I'll never forget how bad I fucked up >I screamed at Opa >I HATE YOU >Went to my room, cried myself to sleep that night >Never heard Opa raise his voice >Or swear >Oma drives me to school next day >Opa's in bed, had bad headache >Oma says he's going to the doctor later >I tell Fynn about what happened last night >He tells me not to be beat up about it Fast forward a few weeks, Opa is still sick with headaches >In the middle of art block, The P.A goes off >Will Anon please come to the office >I don't know what I did >Get to office >Oma is there >In tears >Opa has brain cancer >They took X-Rays, and his brain lit up like the Fourth of July
>>575370579 >They moved Opa to palliative care >I thought he was gonna be okay >A month passes and I visit Opa everyday >He finds it hard to open his eyes now >He's not long >Oma tells me to say goodbye to Opa >I tell her I want to stay longer >She just cries >Opa shakily reaches his hand out >I take his hand >He whispers really softly >"I...Love..You..Anon" >Flatline >I turn my head to Oma >She bawls and bawls >Look at Opa >I realize he's gone >I'm holding the limp, still warm hand of the man who raised me >And I fucking lose it >I bury my head into his chest and just scream >"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" >Doctors had to pry me away from him >Get in car >Drive home >Get in bed >Silent >Oma comes to sing me a lullaby >alone >Its not the same
>>575359581 Hey man don't worry about I got through it and now a days I'm doing pretty good for myself as a person I was never an emo fag but I was always depressed but after a while I just started concentrating on me and the people I love, that's what you should do
>>575371736 >Stay home for a week >Too mortified to even process >I come back to school the following week >I hang my jacket up >Wearing a sweater with a bear on it >Opa had given it to me >Still smells like him >Fynn gives me a hug and tells me he's sorry >Class knows, teacher told everyone >Kid named Kevin sees me hugging Fynn, crying into his shoulder. >"Wrinkles is a faggot! What's the matter wrinkles? Grandpa got too old?" >Fucking lost it >Tackled this kid to the ground >Beat the shit out of him >may have bit him >Get suspended >Kevin is the victim >Stay home with Oma for another week >No singing at the table >Sad, tearful lullaby every night >Cry myself to sleep >Rinse and repeat >Oma doesn't do much anymore >Lies in bed and watches T.V mostly >every so often hang with Fynn >Still get called wrinkles at school >Ignore people now >Bitter as fuck >This goes on for the rest of my primary shook years >Oma and me begin singing at the table again >We celebrate Opa's birthday every year >March 14th >I hang with Fynn, we play basketball, Halo, 13 year old shit. >Life's starting to lighten up Cont
i used to think that until my dad died. he had cancer and the doctors figured another 3-4 months, hadnt talked to him in about 4 days and he was going when i was at work and i tried to rush home but he died before i got there
i never had a chance to thank him for how he raised me, had a chance to say goodbye, nothing because i thought there was more time before i had to say it. i would give literally anything to be able to talk to him for 5 minutes again
My father killed himself seemingly out of the blue, nobody saw it coming, the last thing I even said to him was "Yeah, see you saturday" over the phone. Wasn't even an "I love you Dad" or anything, just seeing him the next saturday. I always get the feeling that I was a shit son to him, he died before I reformed myself and I was a cunt whilst he was around. I feel sorry for both him and myself.
I had a dream the other day that he was alive and everything was normal, but the bitch of it is I woke up. I woke up from my solace back into putting on a fake persona in public so people don't know how fucking broken I am. Fuck.
>>575373442 >On the day of my elementary school graduation Yes, we had that, we thought it was a big deal. >I walked across the school stage, shook the hand of my principal >When someone yelled >"WRIIIIIINKLEEEEES" >I just. Kept. Moving >more people joined in >"WRIIIIIIINKLEEEEES" >I kept going >At least thirty people screaming >"WRINKLEEEEES" >Took my damn certificate from the grade 7 teacher, and jumped off the stage >left the damn ceremony >Walked home >Cried >Thought about suicide >At thirteen >Suicide >Fuck that, I'm all Oma's got left >Decide to fucking do something about my image >get my hair cut >Short hair, no more bangs n shit >Buy a new wardrobe with money Opa left me in his will >Oma had hid it, but I fucking knew where it was >Bought a gym membership >I'm getting fucking ripped >Spent my two summer months cheering up and hitting the gym >Hung out with Fynn every so often, shoot hoops, throw around the football and stuff >In two months, I've put on some muscle mass >Still a scrawny fuck, but a scrawny fuck with abs >Opa would be so proud >First day of highschool, rocked a fucking tank top >Girls actually looking at me >People actually talking to me >Get home, tell Oma that highschool is gonna be great >She eats dinner in bed now >Watches T.V in bed. >Same Pyjamas every day >Shits in a toilet chair in her room >I, of course, take care of her. >No more lullabies >And I miss them
Throughout my entire life, I have never had many friends. I was also born with an arguably highly analytical mind. I remember reading encyclopaedias when I was a child and pondering what the point of life was in my teenage years. I ultimately found the answer and I am going to share it with you guys.
We exist to do whatever we want to do.
I know somebody else may have already theorised this before me but I am sincere in saying I developed it without the thoughts of somebody else.
So there you go. Do whatever you want to do. If you want to read a book, read it. If you want to rape a girl, do it. If you want to kill a man, do it. If you want to fight for your country to serve your country's elites, do it. When you want to do something and somebody disapproves of it, you either pussy up and don't do anything or you say “fuck you, and fuck your opinion” and proceed.
Just think, the Earth is millions of times larger than you, the sun is millions of times larger than Earth, the Milky Way Galaxy is composed of hundreds of billions of stars just like the sun, and the universe is composed of trillions of galaxies. When you realise just how small, pathetic, and irrelevant you are, you'll realise your troubles and worries are also small, pathetic, and irrelevant.
With this information now available to you guys, terminate your state of misery immediately.
And continuing the status quo, I shall remain anonymous. Farewell, /b/rothers.
>I always get the feeling that I was a shit son to him, he died before I reformed myself and I was a cunt whilst he was around
shit i felt the same way too, kinda took having good parents for granted for a time. i had weird dreams as well, one being in a hotel with my dad in Japan. said he was proud of me before he died at least
what made it worse was my boss got kinda pissed i took 5 business days off after he died and they were even unpaid, my mom got offered 3 months off paid
I was still at school at the time, the only person with any sympathy was my best friend who was like my father's second son. I can't help but think of the fun times us three could've had at my dad's place whilst I was growing up. I was a little shit who just wanted to sit in his room shooting down any ideas to go out for the day, watching movies and doing nothing.
Anon, do you ever get the feeling that it was all fake? That it was all a sick joke? It's probably my mind using late denial as some sort of coping system, but I've had thoughts that lead me to think this might just be a big fucking sham. I wouldn't be surprised because of the way that other human beings have treated me in my life (literally everyone I've ever met in person save for my father and my best friend). Fuck, I should go to bed, I shouldn't be up at nearly 5am thinking of this kind of thing.
“Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs.”- Joseph Stalin
The best way to be happy in life is to benefit yourself. Out of the 7 billion humans that exist, only one would never cheat you, that person is you. Since all other humans will ultimately screw you over, enjoy screwing them over too.
>>575356896 I just cried like a bitch for 10 minutes. I know a lot of guys have daddy issues here but the thing that gets me isn't that my dad is a cunt, it's that I don't have the prototypical father figure that all people need. If I could talk girls, throw ball or just hang out with my dad I would, but he doesn't give a fuck about me and he never will. Haven't talked in 7 years.
dont see it as a sham, shit happens. my dad died when i was 21 and from cancer, theres kids in the 3rd world that saw both their parents get shot in the head infront of them at 10 years old
what really made me feel shitty is as a kid my dad would give me 20 bucks out of nowhere, buy me any games i wanted, etc. took it for granted. went to Germany to see my dads brother recently thats still living and he said my dad had NOTHING growing up, his father was a complete ass to him, he had a shit childhood then moved here to Canada when he was in his teens. he spoiled the shit out of me so i didnt go through what he did and i didnt appreciate it
took nothing to please him, if i was working on a car he would just ask what i was doing and i'd say "nothing" and that was it. feel like a dick now
>>575375361 >I'm home less and less now >Have friends >Fynn has begun to gym with me >We party like rockstars every long weekend >Order food for Oma on those nights I really should have been there for most nights thinking back on it >Most of my highschool career is me and Fynn partying, fucking chicks, and drinking. >Despite partying and going to the gym, I'm a nice guy, friend to all, enemy to none >But I'm home a lot less >No more singing at the table with Oma >Last few weeks of grade 12, I had just turned 18 >Day of graduation >I walk across the stage to get my diploma >And that's when I hear it >"WRINKLES! WRINKLES! WRINKLES!" >Freeze up >Its not mocking >People are chanting >People are chanting wrinkles >I spit my grandmother in the crowd >wearing her pyjama pants >Just a coat on over >I begin tearing up >I take my diploma >Jump off the stage >And I fucking holler >"FUUUUUCK YEAAAAH!" >followed by a crowd of "FUCK YEAH" >Made my way through the sea of chairs >Gave Oma a hug >Helped her out of her chair >drove her home in her car Cont >I'm getting ready for a party >Legal drinking age (In Canada, where I am) >Going to party like a god >I see Oma sitting at the table >She smiles at me >sorry Oma, I'm going out tonight >Her smile fades >"Oh that's okay, Go have fun anon" >I smile and hug Oma >I leave
>at 1 in the morning I come home, slightly drunk and very tired >I go and make sure Oma is asleep >She's in bed >Odd, lights are on >And the T.V >And >she's not breathing >Oh fuck >I stumble over to Oma's limp body >Still warm >I think back to 10 year old me, holding Opa's still limp hand >And for the second time in my life >I find myself crying Into a dead body >"I'm sorry Oma. I'm sorry"
>>575377818 >>575377564 I know his name and where he lives. That's about it. Sometimes I wish I never met him. At least if you don't know your dad you can't cry when you lose him. "tis greater to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" With parents this is simply not true. An absent parent leaves a void in your heart but a shitty parents destroys your heart altogether.
>>575378413 >Oma left me her house >Her money in the bank >Everything her and Opa owned >Its mine >And I'm not happy about it >I never change Oma's sheets >I swear to god I can still see where she was lying down in the print >But of the most treasured things she left me >A picture of Opa holding me as a baby >there's a picture of me and Fynn playing Lego in 1st grade >Oma and me At the table >And a tape >"For anon- from Opa and Oma, we love you" >On the tape is Opa and Oma singing Teddy bear picnic >And Oma singing que sera >She sounds tired in this song >She recorded it when I went out >She knew she was dying >And I was partying >I've never cried so hard in my life
>"Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, Que sera sera"
I try not to, but I don't know, that's just different thoughts trying to associate themselves with that thought.
My father was almost of the same kind. He had a shit life growing up. His real father died soon after my uncle Chris was born (literally a year after my father, 5th child), and my grandmother soon was with an Irishman. Drunkard eventually, stinked of whiskey, was abusive to her, my father even saw him rape her one night. Eventually when he went off for work one day, she got the money she had saved up and fled down south with the kids, never even heard from the Irish cunt ever again and I hope he's in a deep enough grave that nobody will dig it up even by accident. She eventually met the man I know as my granddad, and he had been through tough times aswell, had three kids of his own, they all lived together and it all went well.
My father would try to keep my active, tried to get me into karate (I hated it the second I tried it), tried to get me into football (soccer, quit after a few months), always took me to the leisure centers and found the shortcuts to eating food that was good for you and tasted amazing. After my parents split up (though they stayed best friends, divorce was never even finalized after 4 years) he'd eventually be the one I went to if I needed a spare fiver for Runescape membership when I was 12, or an extra 1.50 for a train fare to go out with my best friend. I was spending less and less time with him. Fuck I wish I was a better son, I wish I kept going to the leisure center with him and having more banter and laughs like we used to when watching a funny film or just fucking about swordfighting with bamboo sticks. The fact that one day I had plans to see him at the weekend, and the next he's hanging from his showerhead just makes me feel even more inadequate, and the fact that if I was more upfront with him and tried harder as a son then there's a possibility he'd still be here.
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