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My cat is dead. 2 days ago. He was older than me, a fucking ancient cat (not that I'm particularly old, he was nearly 19). Been around my entire life. He wasn't a particularly active cat, he didn't do silly things like the cats you see on youtube. Wasn't especially cute though he had his moments. But a lot of the time, he was happy. He was there. I recall many late nights at 3am where I'd be on the sofa, numbly browsing the internet and he'd come up on my lap and I'd pat him while he'd purr. I'd gotten used to closing doors so he wouldn't go downstairs to piss, to leave the lights on so he could go for his food. But by the end he was weak. Getting skinnier, not going out, not cleaning himself, just not eating and taking his medicine, getting all clumpy. You could see his pain when he tried to sit down. His loud meows had become weak mews. It was a good thing to put him down, it would have been crueler to let him live any longer. I'm not gonna lie, I cried a bit. I'll miss him.
Alright /b/, time for me to go. I've been here for a long time, and one of the only things that have stayed consistent with you fucks have been these threads. At first I hated them, though all of you were faggots and softies. Then my fiancee died. Then I couldn't get over her. Then I started drinking. Then I started hating myself. Then I started coming here, and consistently just felt everything for hours with these threads.
Now I'm killing myself via gunshot, finally giving in. Feels weird, in once sense I want to keep fighting. The next I just want to rest or be different, makes you think about how many other people have done what I'm about to do here. Kind of interesting.
Either way, I have music and literature popular online. My legacy will live on, and hopefully my ideas will, too.
>>584847334 I know it hurts. and yes, that sounds harsh but everyone is thinking their pain is the strongest. so don't do it. it will not get better eventually. but you will learn to live with the pain.
don't throw your life away. please I am sure you are an awesome person. everyone is. even the most boring. be there for others. you will find new hope there.
go to groups which help you go through it or something. just please don't end it yet.
I'm wondering whether they were capable of generalizing practical experiences and recognizing trends based on those experiences. For example, were they able to understand concepts such as corrrrrelation, even at a very basic and primitive level? I'm not talking about the average pirate, I'm wondering if any pirate ever was able to do this. Evidence confirming your standpoint is very welcome. Arrr!
>>584853518 Not the OP but I'm guessing some good feels. Those are good sometimes too. You can become addicted to feeling alone and depressed you know. It's good to let it out and brush it off your shoulders but don't load up more just to feel something. It's probably better not to feel at all than to become addicted to depression, which is a real thing unfortunately.
>>584854863 >>584855040 Most of the time people don't know what they want until they've lost it. And too many people nowadays associate love and lust as the same thing. It doesn't matter if you are straight, gay, w/e, if just one person in the relationship isn't truly coming from the love in their heart, then it isn't meant to last.
>>584855674 I'm just trying to portray to >>584854863 that it wasn't their fault. Some people just don't understand what love is and when they leave you, don't feel too upset about it, no matter how attached you were.
>>584855709 I hope he started to cry like a bitch as soon as he tries pulling the trigger. then all the things thats worth living for comes to his mind and he lays back down the gun. I don't want to see others die [spoiler]without webcam [spoiler I know you can't spoiler on /b/[/spoiler][/spoiler]
>>584855888 I'm hoping some random anon wanders into one of these feels threads and has the strength to post something, just so that maybe I can talk them out of it. Not for self gain, or pride, just to help out someone else who I know does not have to kill themselves. Also nice dubs and trips.
>>584856652 that's just supid, feeling sad alters your cognitive abillity in such a way that it makes you drop 5 to 10 points your IQ, because your brain goes all retard idealizing things, girls and stuff and distract you from logical, structured thinking tasks that are the real important thing in life. You'll understand that eventually
>>584855646 Most of the time its that they are not good enough for you. When you are actually in love with some one, they may feel strange or weirded out or w/e like that and distance themselves from you. Its not that you are "falling in love too fast" or "opening up too much" its that the other person is not evolved enough to be able to stay on the same level of love as you and feel at peace with it. People nowadays are indoctrinated to think with their body and not their hearts, and you wonder why there's such sickness in the world and such a high divorce rate in the west.
>>584857134 I live in a big city in an apartment house. it is 9 floors tall. you can go to the roof easily. it is not locked. I sat up there often and just watched down, thinking what would be if I jump. I don't want to kill myself. but the idea of not being sad is nice. I can understand why people want that. but I seeing what it can cause to the surroundings is frightening.
I want to help those people too, but in reality it is hard to find them, mostly they are shut-ins and you can't really come through to them.
>>584857311 I'm not you and I can never give you the exact answer. But I suggest looking inward for your answers instead of out. Really focus on what you want going on from here and not only forgive yourself for what may seem like a mistake in life but forgive him as well just to give yourself that peace of mind going forward. I really hope you're able to heal from this anon and that you are able to find love again and not let the past weigh you down.
>>584858511 A lot of us are shut-ins unfortunately. If I didn't have to go to work, I'd probably stay home 6 to 7 days out of the week, probably only leave to get food and supplies. But at least we are able to communicate with people on here where we don't feel the pressure of having to put up some fake ego personality just to conform and fit in, when really you're just killing your true self when you do that.
>>584858594 No, he's not. Being so dependent on another person (who, according to many of you, you haven't known that long) that you can barely function without them is what's really sad. Love is not the endgame of life you stupid faggots. Stop pursuing something that only exists in very extreme cases. If you guys would spend half the time you do bitching and moaning, about a bunch of immature cunts might I add, on bettering yourself or just enjoying life you would be much happier. >>584858100 I said this last thread, you cannot be open with women about your feelings in the modern dating enviorment. The only way you win is by using cheap, underhanded manipulation tactics in order to trick them into liking you. And can you really love someone that you have to deceive just to get to know them? Do you really want to be with someone who is so emotionally stunted and afraid of being hurt that they won't even grow the fuck up and act like a mature adult when it comes to their feelings? Probably not, so stop fucking whining about being heartbroken and accept the fact that people in general suck and you're not missing out on anything.
>>584858093 So you are saying that intelligence is something that can be truly quantified and that fits neatly into a box that holds true to your world view? And you're saying that there are some things in life more important than others? Even if that person is on a completely different path than you and does not have the same end goals as you?
>>584859673 as much as i want to believe "she didn't love me back cause she wasn´t enough", i can't stop this voice that whispers "you're lying little faggot, you are the wothless piece of shit nobody will ever love, and you know it"
>>584860212 >Stop pursuing something that only exists in very extreme cases So you're saying that in an ideal life, you could possibly go through the whole thing without having loved a single person? >you cannot be open with women about your feelings in the modern dating enviorment Did you ever once consider that the modern dating environment is completely insane and that this isn't how we supposed to naturally love and interact with one another? The definition of insanity is doing the same stupid shit over and over expecting different results. Well then change the messed up paradigm that we live in and do something about it. >people in general suck And then there are cunts like you who will use this line to justify more killing and bombing of people who you've never met nor have any actual ill feelings toward.
>>584861158 That little voice you here isn't you. Not the real you. That would require a whole lot of back information to explain what I mean by that but when that voice comes up, just fight it and remember who you are, not what it or anyone else around you says you are.
>>584860611 It is that easy. Im a romantic who is constantly seeking a deep connection with another person because it's the only way I can actually feel. But that doesn't mean I'm going to emotionally invest myself in every girl I meet. What I want is something deep that can't be shared with just any person, and I would rather have nothing rather than the real thing. It's just a matter of forward thinking, if you get over your initial fascination with a person, and look at them objectively, you can easily lessen your attachment to them. Ive always been proud of myself in that I can describe to you exactly what love is (most people can't, try it), and I know when it's real or not. Love is an extemely rare thing, and it's really easy to mistake infatuation with love.
>>584862294 >Ive always been proud of myself in that I can describe to you exactly what love is There you go trying to quantify a feeling again anon. Feelings, emotions, and thoughts are meant to be objectified and studied like code. We aren't machines or computer programs.
Am I really the only one here who sees this insanity?
>>584861292 >you could possibly go through the whole thing without having loved a single person? Romantic love? Yes, it is certainly possible. But family and friend love is basically the same thing minus the sex. If you don't agree then you've never had a real friend. Also I hate the modern dating enciorment, and my old attitude was to simply not play the game. I use it to hook up with people because sex is fun. >And then there are cunts like you who will use this line to justify more killing and bombing of people who you've never met nor have any actual ill feelings toward. I am vehemently opposed to unnecessary violence. I believe in turning the other cheek. So no.
>>584862629 Absolutely. I've done it. And it will try to wiggle its way back into your mind as soon as you think its gone forever. But you have to stay strange and keep optimism and love in your life to stay stronger than that leech. You can get rid of it but I'm just saying up front that it will try to come back. And you can't be afraid of it or let it control you when it does.
>>584862992 Have you ever actually had such a connection with someone that you know what they're thinking? Where you can finish each other's sentences? That person who, when they're not around, you find your mood has noticeably changed? It could be a friend or family member or a lover, the important part is this person becomes and extension of yourself. Love is an understanding of one another on such a level that most things go unspoken. You can try to use cold logic to tell me this isn't real, but I don't care.
I feel like I should share even though it's not much. My dad abandoned me when I was little so I've grown up without a dad. This year has been crazy too. I lost one girlfriend because she cheated on me and another 2 weeks ago because i was too depressed for her. Also lost my dog and best friend of 12 years a few months back. Mix that with severe depression and I'm just a sad, lonely person. I know its not the worst problems but hey, everybody has to be sad sometimes. Anyways, thank you /b/ros, you're grea . Stay strong.
>>584863848 I know perfectly well what I sound like, hence why I always hide my voice. Have you ever thought that if faggots such as yourself wouldn't shame people whenever they expressed emotion, we wouldn't be such an emotionally insecure generation? Why do you think hookup culture exists?
>>584846270 >be born in russia >raised to be Someone >the best in everything and anywhere parents put me >"work harder, you scumbag, not the best is the worst for you" >""having fun" is for those who fail at life, you must be strong and make family proud" >never spoke to a person of my age outside studying necessety until 16 >"you will thank us later" >17, fellow students decided it's time 4 me to "man up" and forced me to find a girl to get laid under threat of telling my parents that I want to run away(their nightmare) >told them it is impossible, so they can call my parents right away >one of them just drags a girl from a crowd and tells her I am a very good guy, just too shy and blahblahblah other bullshit >feel paralyzed and unable to object, got dragged to her apartment >consumed by the fear, blaming myself for not expecting such situation >I_CAN'T_FAIL >tried my best to satisfy her, so maybe this shit will not be gossiped for years >she said I was the most passionate and gentle(and other bullshit) partner she ever met, just needed to get out of my shell and blah blah blah >missed university next day hiding in the park due to shame >girls around me next day >SHE FUCKING TOLD EVERYONE THAT BULLSHIT ABOUT MY PERFORMANCE >started fucking swearing for the first time in my life >told her and those fuckers that they ruined my reputation, spoiled me in the eyes of my family and generally fucked up my life >these fuckers are mumbling some bullshit about it being a joke >everybody watching >I begin apologising for my rudeness >one of them said he's sorry; girl tries to hug me >I shake like a complete pussy and nearly cry >never felt like I worth my parents' effort since that day >2 years passed, still feel guilty every moment >my parents have proposed 3 brides to me, tried my best to avoid >they suspect me being gay >come to feel threads to FEEL BETTER and taste at least a shadow of what I can never experience
>>584855493 I cannot explain how much this was for me and I was considered "popular". I was just the class clown who would do lot's of shit for everyones enjoyment and no one did that for me. They always assumed I was always moving forward and never slowed down for them but it feels the opposite.
>>584847026 A week ago my brother had to put down this little motherfucker, i was crying like a little bitch all this past week and i will be crying until this month, the saddest christmast ever because he was my fatty dog Toby :( He was suffering because a liver disease he couldn't even walk or eat so we had to put him down
>>584864952 I'm pretty sure I'm apart of your generation too or w/e and honestly, don't be so sensitive. It's going to be alright. Whether someone just made a fedora joke about you or anything. Don't let someone relinquish the love in your heart, that I know you have and turn you into some mindless drone for the system. We weren't meant to live without emotion and not being able to love others. You don't have to be sexually involved with someone to love them, just embrace your fellow human beings who are going through the same struggles with their identity, sense of being and self worth that you are going through right now. I'm not going to sit here and attack you for having a different view point than mine, that's your journey. But I am going to try to steer you away from what is a self-destructive path, which is to detach yourself from the very world you live in.
>>584855493 >I want to believe that It's moments like these where I wish I could have a real, in the moment, life conversation with some of you, to help you figure out some of these issues and get over them. My heart goes out to all you anons in this thread.
Im 21 years old, both of my parents think I hate them because of the way I speak to them, I cant help it all they have done since I can remember is argue and its turned me in to a pessimistic argumentative dick who knows no other way, Im severely depressed and quit every job I get as soon as I have a bad week of not being able to get out of bed, the only reason I havnt killed myself is because I dont want my parents to be sad, so I just have to go on making them disappointed instead because all I do is smoke weed to try and keep from killing myself, whats the point of living when 99 percent of the time Im thinking of new ways to kill myself when both my parents are gone?
>>584866174 If all my previous failures and disappointments haven't managed to get to me, I doubt someone calling me a fedora will either. You're mistaking my passion for fixing what's gone wrong with us as sensitivity. Plus people tend to respond positivly to passion. And idk what you're trying to fix, I don't think there's anything wrong with me.
>>584867627 >And idk what you're trying to fix Well I apologize. I don't want it to sound like I have any answers, because I don't and none of us do. But at the same time, I just have to ask are you happy with how your life is going? Its not so much as you being broken as much as it's how can we make things even better. Even if your better is different from mine.
I'll tell my story. I'm applying to college now, and it's literally killing me. would like to go to a conservatory to study composition. My mom keeps stressing out about his state scholarship thing, and keeps prodding me to get my app done for the the state university. I'd rather have 10 dicks up my ass than go there. So, Friday, i leave my drumsticks n things i need for an audition in the quiz bowl room (laugh at me, faggots). Mom finds out and screams at me for a solid 5 minutes. Included : "You can't do anything" and "I won't pay $60,000" for you to fail out of college. She's looking like she'll force me into state school. But also, the whole process has made into a collection of numbers, email addresses, phone numbers, etc. Basically filling out apps makes me feel worthless. After the car ride home, I wanted to blow by brains out. I hated myself so much. I wanted to be brutally slain right there. Only reason I didn't even try to hang my pathetic self was my girlfriend, who I love very much, and don't want to leave. I'm trapped feeling inadequate and pathetic. I always have a little desire to die. To die. to sleep.
>>584867844 Thanks it means a lot but Im pretty sure its not even worth trying, I failed all of my school exams at 16 because it was around the time I couldnt deal with the depression and attempted suicide, all of my teachers were informed and half the school knew I failed every single subject because I didnt try, I was a smart kid but now im a scumbag pothead, I have no qualifications so Im stuck applying for jobs with no prospects and no challenge, Im sorry for sounding like a dramatic tween but I have nowhere else to talk about this stuff, because of my history if I even mention being sad people think I will start to cut or do something stupid again
>>584869079 Its no problem. That's why we're here on /b/, most of us are private people who don't like posting their problems all over facebook for so called friends to criticize and scrutinize us, instead of helping us.
I want to thank all of you anons. You may not know what you have done, but these threads make me cry like a little bitch. But crying is nice feeling. It rids all of the bad thats happened and it makes me feel so much better. thank you anons
>>584867448 I just want to move on and pretend nothing ever happened. Then I get this feeling I can't explain, like something has been torn from me and I will never feel it anymore. I have lost literally nothing, even gained a great experience and people whose guilt to exploit shoul i ever need a little money, though still feel like my life is empty.
>>584869729 these failures don't define you. can't really think of anything to say that may help you, but i'll leave you this album https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNq_SpKih2I personally it has helped me a lot
>>584870035 You know what, your fucking right as hell, I dont try because Im scared of failing, I stay up all night overthinking and wallow in bed all day repeating the process, Ive been working out recently and its made me feel slightly better, I used to be a slob but Ive lost 6 stone in the last year, its the only thing that makes me feel good every now and then. Honestly this is one of my first times posting on this site, I thought it was mainly sickos and psychopaths but there seems to actually be some /b/ros after all
>>584869729 You still have a future anon. Try to working an entry level job or going to a trade school instead? I know someone who started highway construction work right out of high school, making like 30k a year. It's been a few years now and he's had to move around to find the work but he's making over 50k a year, debt free, married and supporting a family. All with no college. You sometimes just have to work really hard and stick with something in order for things to pay off down the road. I'm not saying everyone should do that but its something to consider if school really isn't for you.
Also for anyone whos problems began once they got a little older and disenfranchised try this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB4aueDV_rM this song and the whole album really put some things in to perspective
Im in a newish relationship (2 months or so) and i feel like i should be over the moon butterflies in love with the girl im with but i just sort of feel like i did before except now we fuck anx hang out and laugh
If this is what a healthy relationship is supposed to be, im underwhelmed
Last year I lost my dad from a drug overdose. He was gone for at least three weeks before anyone found him. Completely unrecognizable. I haven't been the same since it happened. I don't really care about much of anything, my poor excuse of a social life has fallen apart, my even poorer of an excuse of a love life has become completely nonexistent. I just can't seem to heal. I miss you, dad.
>>584870279 it is hard to move on if something like that happens. man, it is not going to stop, you have to change something or it will eat you up.
maybe it would help to just say to you parents that you don't want to marry now or something. I don't know whats up with your family. but the things with the classmates... shit man. they were assholes. people do not realise that words hurt...
>>584871706 I do things. I get out into the world. Mot of my activities are inside. But I'm not sedentary. I just always find motivational things trite and overused. "Your failures don't define you". And what if there's a void in you where the successes should be? You are a failure. The only thing that defines you is failure.
>>584872201 >>584872241 I wouldn't tell him that personally. Singlefag here and like I said. I would love to just be in a simple happy relationship where we could both be ourselves and live contently. Perhaps from her perspective, its the greatest relationship she's ever had. Maybe she doesn't need all the bullshit that our advertising industries and modern media keep telling us we need in our lives to be "happy". What is it about drama and bullshit in so many relationships that keep people going back into the same type of toxic relationships, that ultimately do nothing for us. I'd definitely want to see how both sides feel about it first.
>>584872464 I'd tell you that even if your entire past is full of failures and let-downs, that they're all in the past and none of them are real in the present. We at any moment can move on and start pressing toward a much better future and let go of the past. You just have to want to.
>Haven't ate in hours >Scream at mom to order some Dominos >Ask for a large meatlovers on a barbeque base and a medium coke >She explains that our local Dominos is not 24 hours >Raise my fist to suggest I'll hook her if she doesn't find a different one >Two hours later I hear a knock on my door and find my meal outside >Bitch had the nerve to come back with a large meatlovers on a tomato base and a medium PEPSI >Take the pizza out of the box >In protest flip it face down onto the freshly laid carpet my mother has been working overtime for >Slowly take the lid off the pepsi and throw it at her diagonally like Naruto, before slowly pouring it all over the carpet making sure I soak every inch >"Its because of this shit that dad left you you stupid whore"
>>584873582 The fuzzy butterfly feelings don't have to constantly go on forever. They usually come in waves. From time to time you have to spice up your relationship and keep it going, not just give up when you get bored or think its not worth it. And in modern society that is usually left up to the man to do. So I'd tell him to man up and do something to bring back that flair into his relationship instead of being some betafag and walk away from what could be an awesome experience for years to come.
>>584872297 It just doesn't seem to go away. Nothing distracts me. I don't want to try drugs, I'll drown.
No way. This means I'm irresponsible and immature, so no inheritance and abandoment, which basically means no good job, as it requires family connections. A common feature of all slavic cultures regarding parenting - either no control at all(mostly pleb families), or this. I just can not make through it every day, pretending I like it, being a good husband and father and shit.
>>584874340 I see your point, my only relationship went like this, fuzzy butterfly feelings for 6 months, got cheated on, stayed with her for another few months, she dumped me because I "wasnt the same" tried suicide failed, then as soon as she wanted me back I said yes, then a few months after I got a spine and dumped that bitch, god It felt good
>>584872709 Just going out and making friends is not what's going to fill that void that many of us on here feel. Look inside of yourself really figure out what's going to make you happy and go from there.
>>584872201 Underwhelming because im not head over heels in love
Granted, we met only a month or so before we started dating on a blind date, but its just sort of level, no surging highs, no fighting. We just hang out and enjoy each other and she's drop dead gorgeous and bubbly. Idk man. Im on adderall right now and i study like 5 hours a day on my slow days. I just feel numbish. Not happy, not sad. Just looking to see if its common or if its meds maybe
>>584874260 I'm not a people kind of person and, in general, I don't like to be around other people. I would much rather black out and let drugs handle the social aspect of my life, and during sobriety I try to work out the technicalities and whatnot. I absolutely can not function socially without the aide of drugs but with them I can get whatever I want out of any social situation. The reasons probably lie as much in my genetics as they do in my past but they make me who I am and I'm happy to live this way, as the person I am..
>>584874903 I mean sure, dumping her probably felt great for the ego and was a momentary fix, but where are you now? Have you worked on the issues that almost led you to suicide? If not I would love to help. Granted were all strangers here but that's also what makes it easier.
>>584875746 Im no where now, I didnt expect that to help me but she was a source of great pain so it was a relief to get rid of her not a power trip, and my stories already been told ^^ Im the 21 year old pothead
>>584875095 Thats all you really need anon. She's cute, you two laugh together, have fun together. And I might go out on a limb to say if you brought this up to her, she may even be able to help you with it. Don't throw away a good thing before its broken anon. Be tactful about it but tell her how you've been feeling and let her know your concerns. I promise you if your relationship is as you say then she will be over joyed to help you get through the underlying factors that are causing you to feel this way. Perhaps school and work and other things are leaving you unfulfilled and you are projecting it onto the one thing you have left to keep you lifted up, I know that's what I did in my last relationship. Just give it a try.
>>584876907 how can they actually be sad how can they post so openly on twitter and shit about their depression, and when they do why do people give a shit about them i dont understand popular people, but i want them gone
>>584847026 Losing pets is hard, especially when you knowingly end their lives. My family rescues golden retrievers and it gets more and more painful every time I have to say goodbye to a good pet. We lost our 11 year old golden last week. She had just had surgery over Thanksgiving and was weak and lethargic ever since, but she would still wag her tail and perk up her ears when I would talk to her. For being 11, she was still nearly as spunky as a puppy prior to surgery. Finally on her last day she refused to eat in the morning, which I figured was just due to all of her meds. Finally around 7:50pm her breathing became labored and she developed a "death rattle". Something was wrong, but before I could react she made this horrendous gasping noise and went limp. She died right there in my arms. She was looking right into my eyes as I petted her when she took her last agonizing breath- a final failed attempt to cling to life. I was the last thing she ever saw in this world.
At age 20, I've already lost all of my grandparents, most of my extended family, a childhood friend, and a "second mom", but none of those deaths even hold a light to what it feels like to have someone die directly in your arms. The sound of her agonal gasp still haunts me...
>>584876439 I see, I really wish I could sit down with you and really talk this out. Keep your head up man and think about all that's been keeping you down. Trying to get to the bottom of it on the internet just doesn't have the same effect or feeling than in real life, but know there are people like me who care about people like you, even if our paths never cross.
>>584876088 You're right, they make me confident or remove my inhibitions or something. I've ab/used a lot of benzos lately and ab/used a lot of meth and amphetamine in the past. I found that a healthy diet has all the desirable effects of meth on me and none of the undesirable ones but it does not affect my confidence nor my ability to function in social situations. I'm sure if I went to a doctor or psychiatrist of whatever they would say I have social anxiety and I suppose that if that's what the label is for what I have then I must have it. But.. That's what feeds my addiction
>>584876633 Nah man i wasn't considering breaking up with her because im bored, i just need to know thats common and can be overcome. School is more stressful than ever, my meds make me feel like a zombie, life is just kinda drab atm.
She leaves for florida in about a month to go to florida to work for disney. Shell be back in may. I can visit her once or twice til then.
>>584877333 Hey I got trips.. since when have those existed again???
But what I mean is that meth no longer has an effect on my confidence or ability to function in social situations. Or, it has no beneficial effects, that is. I feel uncomfortable and anxious around people without the aide of drugs or alcohol
>>584876443 >how can people who claim to be sad be so open about it Because that makes it go away
>>584876067 >long distance I've had something brewing with this wonderful, gorgeous woman. It started well but now I'm back home and while I was supposed to move over to her city, things have been delayed. I've been screwed royally work-wise and its gotten me to where I can't afford to travel. We were providing eachother support at first but things watered down and she's.. not losing hope, but she needed my affection. And now she's getting to the point where she tells herself you need to be able to live without love and all that.
I'm worried. Not even so much about whether there's any truth to that, but that she's saying it. She warms up to me everytime, but shes gotten reclusive. It's never a good sign when people say those things.
>>584877594 I hope you miss her that much too friend. When my first girlfriend left for college I was too insecure with myself to just let her live her life and let things go as they should. Long story short I ruined that relationship. I just don't want anyone to have those same regrets on their soul as I do. And I know things are probably super stressful right now and being on meds that someone else say you need to take in order to be normal just isn't right either. I at least hope they're helping you.
>>584847026 had this cat named jeff who would always come sit right on my keyboard when i was playing csgo and i would always get pisses and throw him down. but then jeff died and now i miss him laying on my keyboard. i got this mouse pad with a cat on it in his honor. his name is steve french
>>584877206 Other people liking you isn't much of a reason to like yourself.. I have plenty of people who I call friends who genuinely don't give a shit about me. "Popular" people usually end up realizing people only like them for the most shallow, surface reasons you can think of.
Shit, the most gorgeous, popular girl from my highschool hung herself last year. Loneliness has more to do with the people who aren't around than the ones who are.
>>584877727 Thanks for that bro. I'm actually crying now. Not because I feel bad for everyone in this thread and their situations, but because there's just so many people who just need someone there for them and I can't do a damn thing about it. All I can do is sit behind this monitor and hope I'm making a difference and hoping take me for how genuine I'm trying to be. Its too fucking much right now.
>>584879068 all this anime reaction images have me leaning toward yes, but hey. Hoping you, somehow, find her. Do you remember her name? If so thats a start. Work on it. It might have been some teenage bullshit, maybe not. Worth a shot /b/rother
>>584876474 I don't know too. I am miserable enough to bring my shit here and the only thing that helps me coping with it is helping someone here so I will not be so useless. I really don't know. I am going to lose everything I have save my clothes and wallet if I won't fix it soon. >fuck dude Considered, but no. I can push myself to do it, but it will be like with that damn girl - just another exam for me in physical and emotional endurance.
>>584877333 >>584877796 Phenilpiracetam, 300 mg daily. DO IT NOW! Can tell more if you're ready to buy 10$ equpment and fuck with chemistry.
>>584878998 Eat healthily, drink plenty of water, get plenty of exercise, socialize regularly, sleep regularly, and you'll find that concentration will come naturally. You won't be able to sit there and pump out your 500 page research paper in one sitting on a natural high but on the long term, the natural high maintainable. Remember: drugs are NOT realistic and life is not as easy as drugs make it seem. They are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
>>584878730 I take them because i feel they help make my adhd symptoms disappear and i can pay attention well. But im worried that im in a relationship ive envied for so long yet im just content. I want euphoria dammit
>>584879521 I've thought about it. But I don't want to have to charge for something that should be fucking free. We're all in this together and I don't want to be taught how to sit down and dissect someone's thinking just to prescribe them bullshit medicine and not really help them with what's happening in their lives. The world is so sick right now where helping each other out and saving a life has to be a profession that requires a licence from "professionals". When did that become a natural thing for people to do?
Have any /b/ro's ever been told something that has broke you ?
I've got a shitty story
>be 14 yr old me >hang around town with friends >summer time, so we're jumping in the pier >spot a few girls doing it too >notice a small red head (proper dyed red hair, not ginger) >friends and I move over and start talking to them >I go for red hair >from a 14 yr old perspective shes a solid 9/10 >I don't believe in love at first sight, but this was it... >we instantly hit it off >fucking around and enjoying the sun >eventually call it a day >swap numbers and hotmail emails (kek those days) >we start talking more and more and meeting after school >she goes to the all girl school literally across from mine >we hang around a bit more >me and best friend get dropped to her friends house were she's staying for the weekend >her friend tells me she likes me >we hang out and all the hints are been throwing about >I finally pluck up the courage when my mate and hers go into the shop >ask her out while nearly literally shitting bricks >amazingly she says yes >happier than a motherfucker >an hour later when saying goodbye, we share our first kiss >feelsgoodman.jpg
>>584880322 Sorry man culture clash, Im a britbong we can get therapists for free on the NHS I had a mandatory sessions after my suicide attempt but it was horrible and felt like I was getting attacked for an hour, made me feel worse if anything
>>584880151 I know that feeling. Its like you've reached that high with this relationship and you're looking for the next higher fix. Don't listen to those thoughts friend. They won't take you anywhere that you want to be. Believe me I was there and took the bait and wish I could just take it all back. I know I'm just some stranger on /b/ but I hope I've helped.
i never had any "real" friends but as of late the people who would occasionally message me or greet me or whatever have stopped. this is my first time experiencing full solitude and i dont know how to go about coping with it
>>584880655 I don't know man, but it can't hurt to look, you know? troll facebook, hire a private detective if you've got the cash. She was obviously drawn to you, against all odds, twice. So that's something. Even if it isn't fate, destiny, or what-have-you, you could do with some closure
>get picked up >still happier than a motherfucker >we continue meeting up before and after school for a week >get out of school one day and go to wait for her >she doesn't show up >wait a bit more, but decide to bail half an hour later >walk home >turn on the pc and go on msn >get a message a few minutes later from her >>"hey, sorry I didn't meet you after school...I have something to say" >hereitcomes.jpg >>"I'm failing RE (Religious ed) and my parents have grounded me for 2 weeks..." >think to myself, shit dodged a bullet >>"...but I also think we should break up" >there it is >"ok, but can I ask why...?" >>"We live too far apart and we only spend a short time we each other after school, it's not right" >she only lives a 15 minute bus journey away, 5/10 by car, but i'm 14 so far enough I guess >>"sorry to do this over msn, but we can still be friends" >we keep talking for a while, but all talk eventually stops basically altogether apart from the odd hey sup occasionally
>>584880886 I'm american but I can't think of any country where you can just sit down with your therapist and really just pour your heart our without them analyzing and categorizing you. And they'll take you to a new therapist if they become to attached to you, like wtf? You need to get a certain level of attachment with anyone in order to heal them and really make an impact in their lives. There's a huge line between being unprofessional and just being that friend for someone who doesn't have anyone else right now.
>>584880504 If life were as easy as drugs then no one would have problems, ever. Everyone would always be happy to work all day and they would all get along because there would be no stress or suffering and everyone would be happy. The thing is, they just don't work that way. Trust me anon. Drugs are great at first but they are not maintainable on the long term. Learn what you can about yourself from the drug now while it still affects you in the way that you like and adapt your drug induced idealizations into your sober habits of thought..
>>584879794 Everybody learns to fake it eventually. It makes things much easier. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of people out there who think they know real depression when what they're really feeling is sadness over a shitty situation, but there are also plenty of us who are crushed 24/7 with a smile on our face for most of it.
You do it because you don't want everyone around you to have their hearts broken right along with your own.
>>584881670 I agree, Ive always been that guy for my friends, one guy I went to school with and hardly knew, he split up with his long term girlfriend and was suicidal and cutting, invited him over for a chat and we became best friends and he got better, he has a girlfriend and a job now, I just cant bring myself to put myself in the other position because I dont want people knowing how messed up I really feel
These threads always gravitate toward relationships going bad, which pisses me off considering there's much more effective ways to get feels.
Take for example, the fact that you're on /b/ right now, you could watch someone get blown up and not feel anything, the same goes for almost any type of porn. You have essentially been dehumanized by the place you go to feel accepted.
Take a look around your room for a second and think of what could be on it if you weren't you, afraid of life.
You're a husk of the person you used to be, you feel nothing because it's what keeps you functioning. Nothing works.
In short feels threads aren't feels threads, they're nothing threads.
>>584881670 I disagree. Objectivity is what you need. Close friends that know you well will give you biased advice. Sometimes that advice is valuable, but it's also good to add objectvity to confirm you aren't just being told what you want to hear.
I doubt this will be of use but three years ago I had a manic episode and a psychotic break. Those 2 months at the ward were the worst of my life. I thought I was going to die.
But I didn't. I'm actually kinda grateful that happened to me, because I had to hit rock bottom in order to bounce back. Therapy and meds help a lot, since I have borderline. I really wish I didn't, though. I'm not sure what parts of me are me and what is the disorder. And maybe, if I had gone to therapy when I was a child... my late teens and early twenties would have been less painful.
Now things are way better, but I'll always regret the mistakes I've made. Not choosing my studies wisely, getting a stupid STI for not being careful, trying too hard to fit instead of looking for new friendships, creeping out friends and guys... thankfully now I've got a decent partner and friends. But I always worry they'll abandon me. Attachment issues suck.
Regardless, I've never found any appeal to being dead. Being another person, now, that's different.
I don't think I need closure though. I think it's over. I don't know. I don't really think about it often. Of course I cried when I was typing it. It was the first time I was telling anyone that story since it happened. But. I think that's what all I needed.
I suppose I don't need to know and I'm content with it being this way.
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