ITT: Short stories
>Playing hide and seek with a couple bros, Codename Bronson (Lives at the place)
and Codename Lammar (Visitor like me)
>Annoying ass neighbor shows up
>Kid's fucking 7, codename ShitGolem
>No prob let's just mislead him into leaving us alone
>"ShitGolem, you count to 100 very slowly, we will hide!"
>L shaped couch, the gods listen to our prayers
>Bronson just walks off to wait till the kid finishes
>Lammar and I hide behind the small crevice between couchcurve/wallcorner, ShitGolem would never figure it out.
>Once he finishes, kid's fucking hyped as if Mercury himself descended and bestowed upon him the speed of a sunbeam
>Bronson shows up, motherfucking great actor
>"ShitGolem, they just left"
>Intense silent-kek behind couch
>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THEY DIDN'T"
>Bronson is chill, goes like "They just did, you can look around"
>ShitGolem rampages, searching through the house like he had lost his family among the chairs
>"THEY DIDN'T LEAVE, I KNOW IT" starts crying
>Me and Lammar exchanging thoughts like "Nigga this guy's a joke"
>Bronson's uncle arrives just in time, catching the kid amidst cries of anger and dismay
>"BRONSON WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO"
>Intense shouting and berserk rage just beyond couch seats
>Threat Level rises considerably
>Bronson starts crying, ShitGolem basks in the sadness he has brought upon our friend
>Me and Lammar going fucking silentbananas behind the couch. "Nice meeting you bro" our eyes said
>ShitGolem is satisfied, enough hatred for a day, proceeds to leave the house
>Me and Lammar like "We lost Bronson, but achieved success"
>Bronson's uncle then rises, with fury worthy of godhood
>"IF I SEE YOUR FRIENDS AROUND HERE, I WILL PERSONALLY DRAG THEM OUT"
>Just beyond couch, deathly chills overtake our bodies. This might be it
>Bronson get's sent to sob in his room while his uncle rages around the couch
>Thinking of writing diary "Behind the couch: Day 1"
>Bronson's Uncle leaves for glass of water
>Casually jump out from behind couch
>Room completely empty, too good to be true, expecting trickery at work
>Uncle just steps in, no emotions.
>"Oh hey there Lammar. Hey [Me]. Bronson is grounded for the day, maybe you should come back tomorrow"
>Lammar and I shaking like hypothermic snakes
>Man possesses no emotions
>Proceed to walk out of house unscathed
>Basking in glory
>Went to my house, Lammar went to his
>Had a great night of sleep
-Bronson was alive the day after that, which was impressive by itself
-Lammar took a few weeks to recover and return
-I got pretty pumped about surviving, told everyone I knew about it
-ShitGolem went on to destroy more lives, later having a final showdown against me on my own house.
Your turn, give me the good shit
SHITGOLEM RISES: PART II
>ShitGolem's grandma was a real good friend of my own elderly cook-master
>Naturally, friends visit
>Naturally, ShitGolem is too dangerous to be left alone
>He arrives, boldly stepping through the doorway
>Looking at his elder like "YOU HAVE BROUGHT DOOM UPON US ALL"
>My brother (Codename Rufus) was with me this time, never believed the kid was that much of a demon-spawn
>"RECKONING DAY, YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR LACK OF FAITH"
>ShitGolem instantly comes towards me "Hello, do you own a playstation 2?"
I will leave you to cringe for a little while as i continue writing
>Realize I cannot hide this time, will have to face the beast
>Rufus still does not believe.
>We walk to "our" room as he mutters about wanting to play games
>Me and Rufus's only passtime activity not only being disrupted, but taken and warped by a beast made of pure solid hatred
>ShitGolem proceeds to invade the room loudly, jumping in the bed and taking our box of game discs into his hands
>Starts picking them up like it ain't his business, dropping them on the bed, so many golden titles going around
>Takes a little bit longer to violently discard another game, I can feel it coming, the smell of something that, combined with his own putrid influence, would become a mind-numbing monster to the two of us
>Proceeds to pick up a patched and modded copy of a really old Pro Evolution Soccer game
>Thing is already a twisted monster as it is, you could literally ride dinosaurs into a match of soccer
>Brazil, so soccer means something
>Not my end of the spectrum, but definitely rufus's.
>Child babbles words nonstop about how everything we ever loved being horrible and boring
>Words bury in our heads like fucking symbiotes, suffering cannot be described
>We have to treat him well, his elder is actually respectable despite the chaos her progeny had spread
>"ShitGolem... Could you please be careful? That's now how you handle dvds..."
>"What? I can't pick them up?" proceeds to do everything wrong a couple more times
>"Not like that, yes" fury rising, Rufus quietly observes as he holds on for dear sanity
>"So... You don't want me to play?..." His face curls into what i call a "Ready to fuck your life up" Expression
Sorry for slowpoke
>"No, please, that's not what I meant!" I meant exactly that
>"Oh, ok then!" Proceeds to insert the twisted monstrosity into our beloved gaming console after tossing aside a copy of "Star Wars: Battlefront"
>Starts playing, Rufus is going bajangles by now, his eyes show it
>Looking at him "You face true darkness now. Repent"
>ShitGolem be like "whatever you guys are talking about", no fucks given
>Smashing controller like it was a misbehaving hoe
>Rufus goes "Hey, don't do that"
>"Ready to fuck your life up" goes into queue, right after bashing my controller harder
>"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF MY CONTROLLER"
>I enter a rage almost on par with uncle bronson's
>Start ranting at kid uncontrollably
>"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST DO THAT?"
>ShitGolem pulls out nanna's kid card "Are you saying I can't play?"
>"NO YOU FUCKING DIMWIT, I'M SAYIN IF YOU'RE GONNA PLAY, BE FUCKING CAREFUL. ANY OF THIS DON'T WORK LATER, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, I WILL FUCKING WRECK YOU"
>Rufus advises me to calm down
>He is a smart man, so I listen
>As I breathe the kid swells in terror "HE SAID I CAN'T PLAAAAY"
>ShitGolem crying loudly
>Rufus and I fretting in fear of the consequences
>Bed full of DVDs thrown around by the stupid midget
>His elder shows up, like a shining beacon of light "Come on ShitGolem, let's go. Look at the mess you just made"
>Our fears were not justified
>Rufus's eyes and mine shine with divine light, sending our eternal blessing upon the wise elder
>"You don't want me to say it twice do you?"
>Could we have found his weakness?
>Answer: Hell fucking yes.
>The Gentle Elder then proceeded to remove him from the installation
>ShitGolem, although slightly satisfied with the turmoil, is forced to leave defeated, unable to cast upon us more of his horribly disturbing stupidity
>Rufus and I high-five, and after painstaking sessions of what could only be described as therapy, we manage to return to our normal state of mind. Relatively.
>Few weeks later, we moved from my Grandma's house, never again having to smell the foul stench of the horrendous creature again
-Me and my Brother survived the encounter, and to this day share stories of how the ShitGolem's influence haunted our minds for days
-The legends say none of this bothered any of the two elders, who went on to laugh at the story over cups of extremely well-prepared tea
-The rest of my family never went through the pain, although my dad mocks me everytime he remembers the story
-ShitGolem still lurks, defeated but not destroyed, tormenting and destroying those around him, which, luckily, does not include my family anymore
So! If any of you has any good stories to share I'd love to hear them.
Slightly warped pictures of me and Rufus, 4 years after the clash.
I'm the younger one, faggot-supreme
I sadly have no pics of ShitGolem
> parents have a party one night
>come home around 11:30
> kids are still running around in the basement
>xbox 369 controller in half, xbox games everywhere
>not mad, just slightly pissed off
> know exactly which kid did it to
> kid is fucking autistic and his parents let him run around doing whatever he wants
>notice kid is torturing my dog
> dog is pretty obedient and wont hurt strangers
>one thing that will drive my dog nuts is when you blow really hard in his face
> walk up to kid and tell him to blow air in my dogs face as hard as he can
> kid does retarded sputter and spits out saliva and air
> dog is super fuckig angry
> bites kid in the face
> kid starts to scream and cry
> parents decide its time to go home
Sigh anon, i have many other stories about this kid, also this was more for my dog. The kid fucking tortured the shit out of my dog and my dog never did anything. So i decided to give him a little revenge
>tard grabs my iphone, starts randomly clicking shit
>I tell him to be careful, he sticks tongue out getting tardspit on my phone
>too busy beating my gfs weakass vaporeon to notice
>I hear a weird noise
>it's the tard. getting frustrated bc he wants to play "bird game"
>tf is bird game?
>i tell my gf to hold up i need to make the tard shut up.
>gf says she'll fuck my pokemon up
>these hoes ain't loyal
The only two moments i retaliated against this kid and my parent have this party every year. This one happened two years ago.
> have to babysit all the kids
> autism kid comes and starts creating havoc
> chairs are being pushed over
> cups are being broke
> food is being spilled
>parents react with "hes just a kid anon"
>decide to go up stairs and hangout with some people, hope kids choke and die
> 2 hours later the fucking autist starts freaking out because these 3 girls didnt give him any chocolate and they ate it all
> ask him if he wants a special piece of chocolate
> go to pantry and get exlax
> recommended dosage for adults 2 pieces, 1 piece for kids
> give 2 pieces
>takes 3 hours before kicks in
> kid fucking doesnt even chew on them and swallows whole
3 hour later
> kid shits himself
> kid cannot contain shitting himself
> literal shitstorm
> parents are freaking out
> poo is running down the kids leg
> parents decide to go home
> kid is buckled in fetal position crying
>proceed to beat the shit out of my gf's pokemon
>tard is now making a weird sound. like he'a hitting something against the floor (hard wood floor, rly loud)
>wait a minute...
>realize he still has my phone
>turn around, see the kid smacking my phone against the floor
>I WANT PLAY THE BIRD GAME I WANT PLAY THE BIRD GAME
>WTF is BIRD GAME
>I try to tell him to calm down. gf tries to tell him to calm down
>tard not listening
>i ask him to give me back my phone
>i continue asking, attempting to trade some gingerbread cookies for my fucking ifone 4
>getting redder than sriracha
bump don't die
>I refrain fron smashing the tards face in.
>he thinks it's a fucking game now
>YOU THINK THIS IS SOME FUCKING GAME???
>my short fuse has been burned away. I'm done with your shit
>stand up over tard
>probably scared him
>gets the fuck out of gf's room
>with my fucking phone
>he starts running screaming bird game.
>standing near staircase. clutching my phone
>yelling incoherent blabber about bird game
>I am seriously contemplating kicking the kid
>gf is standing behind me. I can feel her facepalm
>I ask the kid for my phone
>he responds: IF I CANT PLAY BIRD GAME NO ONE CAN PLAY BIRDY
>please don't do what i think you will do.
>he does it
>screaming kid drops phone... down from second story to first floor
>you gotta be shitting me
>parents and some kids downstairs freeze
>tard starts crying
>tards parents realize, call it downstairs.
>I walk back into gf's room, bury face into her to calm down
>i can hear the tard getting yelled at
>asian parents man... str8 savage
>gf pats me
>i understand is just a phone
>calm down, start playing nintendo's finest with gf again
>tard's parent's come up
>look anon sorry about that if your phone broke we can replace it
>parent's the true mvp
>go downstairs, see tard, sitting on couch, mom tightly clenching his arm
>tard's mom talking with gf mom
>never see tard again. seen the parents, guess tard was just always left home with tardsitter
>my phone didn't even break
>another tard isolated from society
Here in Brazil, that tends to result in half-adults, good enough to survive by themselves, not good enough to actually grow the fuck up and assume responsibility for their actions
So full-life tards
>walking home from party after 3am
>pass by two nigger hobos drinking and smoking
>"where you getting at?" one asks me
>"you wan'a toot and a lick?"
>talking about the liquor and unknown cigarette
>feeling pretty thug and fuck it
>they tell me some funny shit
>they tell me some sad shit
>they tell me that meeting people and sharing what you can is what life is about
>walk home drunker than before
>come back the next day with lunch for them
>they recognize me and thank me
>strangers are cool
>lose my wallet
>"what do we do?" asks gf at the time
>she has no money because she spent it or some shit
>"idk lol. lets walk around and thug"
>bumming around and talking to people
>see guy with cowboy hat and acoustic guitar playing music
>he keeps telling people not to get too close to him playing
>says 'thank you' when people walk by and don't tip him
>says "you're welcome" when people give him money
>his attitude rubbed me the wrong way
>"i'm going to get his case and run with the money" I plan
>"either run with me or run away"
>get close to acoustic guitar playing douche cowboy
>he eyeballs me but continues playing but i can tell he's getting ready to tell me off
>snatch the guitar case with both hands and hold it shut
>douche cowboy yells at me but doesn't chase me
>I forget how long I run for
>meet up with gf eventually
>22$ richer, we get the fuck out of Hollywood
Hes in the special classes so maybe they'll actually put him back on track. The only thing he has going is that hes not shy at all. This might just be a side effect of the autism tho
So this is a thread about autistic kids, well i'm down.
>Would've been about 11 years old
>Parents have decided to go to France for a few weeks without us because we had school and fuck us
>Mum gets her friend to come look after us, shes a bulldyke but actually a really cool person (Babysitter)
>She has a baby from IVF or some shit anyway wed all watch Samurai Jack together every night
>(Fuck Samurai Jack was a good show)
>anyway one of mum's and babysitter's mutual friend comes over with 4 year old son
>well call him "simon"
>This is my first tiem meeting Simon since hed grown up and wasntt a baby
>Simon's mum pretty much doesn't do much for a living and his father is a struggling actor.
>Parent's have always noticed something off about simon compared to the other kids
>throws tantrums all the time and gets his way because Simon's mum doesnt believe in discipline
>Anyway Simon and his Mum come over
>Bro and I have been getting into a litle bit of warhammer (the lord of the rings one)
>been doing some paint of them high elves
>all the gold paint
>Simon walks in and starts opening all the cupboards n shit and pulling all the pots and pans in our house
>My mum would be losing her shit
>neat freak nazi/10
>Babysitter cant really do shit because shes listening to Simon's mum dribble on about how hard it is to be an actor
>go off and muck around for a bit out in our yard
>Classic Australian summer as kids, shooting hoop and being active n such
>we hear a fucking terrible screech
>so we run to our back door and see Simon grabbing our cat's tail
>nigger's still holding on as our cat sinks claws deep into his arm
>fucking pain buffering for a few seconds
>finally it hits him and he lets go
>tries to hit out cat but shes piss bolted away under our decking
>his mum comes out looking super pissed
>explain to her that he pulled the cats tail and it scratched him
>She gets all shitty at my brother and I (11 years old and 9 respectively)
>tells us we shouldn't have such a dangerous animal or something along those lines
>even though shes left a child outside unsupervised
>fuck this bitch
not sure if anyones reading but i probably shouldve pretyped this before
>>tells us we shouldn't have such a dangerous animal or something along those lines
rage building up...
I have seen all sorts of animals fighting back: From mice over rabbits up to dogs.
Thanks for writing your story, I'm reading!
>fast forward an hour
>bro and I come in from outside again
>we come in at the right moment to see simon with a fucking tennis ball
>no idea how this little nigger got his hands on a tennis ball
>theyre all locked up in the cupboard in our laundry
>we see the ball go soaring through he air and land on all my bros warhammer pieces
>All them little paint pots go bouncing and hit the ground
>fucking gold paint everywhere
>fuck mum's gonna be pissed
>Simon's mum again has a go at us about how we shouldnt leave paint out
>like this bitch is pissing me off telling me what i should do in my own home
>doesn't even bother to help clean it up or apologise
>babysitter is cleaning it up and we pack up all out pieces
>bros super pissed off hes saved all his christmas money for this tiny tubs that are like $20 each
>shes still dribbling on and Simon walks off again
>I dunno why i never cracked it at her
>probably because i was 11 and have always been taught to be polite to guests
>but she super trying my patience
>this is the culmination of an entire day of these two spawns of satan just cunting up our quiet samurai jack watching household
>I walk into the front room where ive got my playstation
>all my games are fucking everywhere
>turn it over and my simpson wrestling has been scratch like with a sharp object
>bloods boiling slowly due to cavitation
>Try telling babysitter and her mum just dismisses that saying that Simons been here the whole time
>look at this little nigger dribbling away on himself
>how is this happening, my eyes are swelling with tears
>be like 11 ish
>hanging out with neighbor kids in cul de sac
>one kids annoying little brother shows up and tried to order us around
>"bro i want to play football!"
>he said this like 9 times
>we are in the middle of an intense laser tag match
>his brother says "no why don't you go off and shit yourself, baby"
>little brother starts crying
>"i'm not a baby! I'm not a baby!"
>we are all standing around him and start to smell shit
>as he is crying liquid shit starts to run down his leg and onto the asphault
>he sobs and runs home
>we all laugh
>finally theyre off
>theyve been here for 2.5 hours and already left their trail of destruction and cuntness
>but its not over yet
>far from it
>as were walking them to their door theyre mirin our house
>nice house Victorian with tuck-pointing prowess, heritage listed as well
>so they go into my brother bedroom
>I know i said summer but it was actually after easter, sunny as fuck anyway outside
>lovely carpeted floor
>here this remark slowly leave Simon's mum's mouth
>almost in slow motion
>my eyes go wide
>fuck this is pretty funny
>i bolt away just to escape the calamity
>here a shout form my brothers room
>"NOOOOOOoooooooooo" it loses its volume as i reach my bedroom
>My brother is in tears
>thats not fucking chocolate
>smeared poop in my brothers carpet
>Simon's mum is convinced its not simon
>simon's wearing a fucking diaper
>she checks his diaper and says that he hasnt pooped
>no shit hes taken off his diaper and pooped right on the floor
>She tells us thats proposterous and that it mustve been the cat
>cat doesn't live inside, its an outdoor cat
>they finally leave, again not offering to help clean up the carniage theyve left
>our house is broken but we made it
tell mum when she gets back from france and calls Simon's mum up and fucking destroyed her on having a go at us when clearly her kid is a fucking tard made her pay for the steamcleaning of my brother room but that wasnt the last time I'd meet Simon..
>be 9 year old me
>middle class white neighborhood, just strollin' with my dog and autistic brother
>dog is an adorable terrier spaniel mix, dumb as a box of rocks (caught a rabbit once and didn't know what to do after catching up, just walked on its spine by accident) but super sweet
>hood has lots of hills and crap so we'd bring kick scooters and go sanic fast down the road
>as we walk to the top of the highest hill, strange noise in the distance
>sounds like a 45 year old trying to fuckstart a lawnmower
>spoiled shit neighbor girl comes down the road on electric motorcycle
>probably worth more than my house
>has her dog too, some kind of boxer/corgi mix that looked ugly as all hell
>INTENTIONALLY speeds up to scoot her fat ass past us plebians until she sees our dog
>"AWW IS DAT A PUPPY"
>dog is six years old
>dismounts from vehicle, totters on over with her failed abortion mutt in tow
>starts encouraging him to jump on his hind legs
>"hey, can you please not do that? we're trying to train him to stay down else he jumps on us with mud and stuff"
>gives a scrunched up bitchy stare and keeps doing it
>her dog starts growling
>childhood best bro is over
>he looks despondent as fuck
>he spills oj on my fucking copy of wind waker
>"dude wtf clean it up"
>he picks up a paper towel tube and just smears it on the game
>rubs the game and tube into the ground and oj, scratching it and making it sticky
>he fucking gets up and walks out the damn door
what, what the fuck, why would he do that? No, that's horrible
>our dog's stupid as shit and doesn't clue in, keeps bouncing in place
>girl's dog jumps at him, gnawing at his hind legs
>i pick him up (45 lb lifts at 9 years old, check my gains) and roll the fuck on out
>at the bottom of the hill we bail out and inspect the damage
>smells like blood, fur is missing, torn skin
>girl just leaves
>pissed as hell because we know our dog's just a moron, dindu nuffin
>formulate a revenge plan
>two days pass, we figure out her schedule
>drives down to the mailbox next to a giant ass hill, picks up mail with dog
>backs that ass up home
>get some shit old 4x binoculars and wait in bushes at the top of the hill
>hear that godawful sound in the distance
>bravo team is go
This thread has boiled an unholy rage in me, Can't go to sleep now
>watch her roll up next to the mailbox
>her dog has a fucking tiara on
>we procure airsoft guns
>140 fps electric ratty piles of crap but they shoot crazy fast when shaken
>jump on scooters, roll downhill at mach 5
>she hears us, turns around and sees wepon
>brother shouts something to the effect of "man the harpoons"
>start ghetto blasting her, dog, and her wheels
>screams and falls over her scooter with an audible crunch
>dog shits itself and runs into the mailbox
>twelve confirmed hits
>evasive action, bravo one
>make it back home without pursuers
>thirty minutes later frantic doorbell
>look in peephole
>girl, mom, dog, two of the three have welts on face
>stash gats and answer door
>"hello are you girl scouts"
>mom is even more of a hambeast than her broodling, easily 400 and cherry red
>"I WANT TO SPEAK TO YUR MATHA"
>girl has a smug shit eating grin on her jowls
>still wrapping my head around the idea that jabba the hut had a wife
>have to get mom out of shower
>5 foot tall asian ball of hate wrapped up in three towels kicks open her bedroom door
>stomps over to the front door
>"what you want?"
>hambeast is shocked, paid 800k for a white neighborhood not gooks
>"YUR CHILDREN ATTACKED MY DAUGHTER WITH ASSAULT WEAPONS AFTER SHE SAW THEM TORTURING THEIR DOG"
>what the fuck?
>give mom bambi eyes, she deathstares me
>dog limps into room
>mom never liked dogs, especially hates spending money on medical bills
>turns to face hamfamily
>"I KNOW WHO DID THIS TO DOG"
>fucking snatches up our dog off the floor and starts shoving mangled leg into whalemom's face
>"THIS NOT MY BOYS IT WAS YOUR DAUGHTER AND HER PET"
>watch dykette's face drop like a jew in a gas chamber
>mom starts going apeshit over paying for a vet and threatens to sue her family
>girl starts crying, dog begins to flip the fuck out in mom's arms
>boxer corgi goes apeshit and tries to go for round two
>azn mom kicks him in the face and slams door shut
>drops dog and goes back to shower mumbling about how much she hates white people
>hear car drive away
We had some really great dumplings that night. Mother never brought it up again
>have abundance of wooden swords
>dickback new neighbor kids come over to use trampoline
>they start to sword fight on the trampoline
>"bro dont do that youll break the trampoline"
>they laugh at me
>10 minutes later they break the trampoline
>one kid breaks his arm
>i tell them to get out
>they laugh in my face and take it as a joke while other kid is crying with a broken arm
>substitute is a bitch
>sitting with other kids at table
>"wow that sub is so mean she would probably kill you"
>girl across from me freaks out
>"YOU CANT SAY KILL THATS A BAD WORD"
>she runs over and tells the sub
>sub comes over furious
>"DID U TELL THIS GIRL THAT YOU WOULD KILL HER??"
>told her she had it all wrong
>other teacher who was like head of kindergarten comes over and grabs my wrist
>"why did you tell her that youd kill her"
>"i didnt i said the sub is mean and she thinks kill is a bad word"
>well thats not true because thats not what the sub said"
>i'm freaking the fuck out because im not being taken seriously
>my dad shows up and takes me home and chews out the teachers
>my parents still thing that the teachers were right
>>"hello are you girl scouts"
JESUS FUCK I CAN JUST IMAGINED A NERVOUS LITTLE VOICE SAYING THAT, SHIT WAS CASH
I remember i used to draw stickmen fighting to the death on my notebooks when I was like, 7
Teachers would seriously accuse me of being a psycho, even called my parents to the school
Teachers can be true assholes
I just really liked stickmen
>pic not related
bad grade school memories part 2
>other kids being dicks
>fill hands with water to throw in their face
>decide that i didnt want to go to the office so i just shook my hand off
>tiny water droplets hit the floor
>"OOOH YOU SPILLED WATER I'M TELLING"
>fuckface tells teacher
>she fucking sends me to the office
>vice principal is yelling at me threatening to call the cops because "someone could have slipped and you would go to jail"
>bawling rly hard
>later i realized that she was full of shit
>i gave her mean looks everytime i saw her
>hatred brews deep within me
>it lingers to this day