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>>599540542 I feel you. My brother brought a girl home last night while I was trying to smoke weed in the basement and told me to leave. Then I realized that happened about every weekend, him bringing a girl him to fuck and me just smoking weed to forget about my problems and myself. Still a kissless virginfag.
>>599541771 I want to do something like that but I'm terribly un-athletic. And yeah all the friends I knew that never talked to girls and shit growing up now get girls but I just never grew out of that. I dunno man I think I smoke way too much to have any motivation to do a class like that too, which sucks.
>Friend's birthday >Show up, get kinda tipsy >Guardians of the Galaxy is somehow mentioned >I liked the movie a lot and told everyone to see it when it came out >Say "Did anyone check it out yet? It wasn't shitty like the Avengers" >"Oh yeah Guardians has a raccoon, sorry I'm not a 5 year old." >Everyone starts making fun of me >Go to sit by myself, sobering up and having a shitty time now >I can hear my name being said in the garage where people are smoking >They bring the party into the room I'm in and stand around me >Try to make an Irish exit and dip outside for a smoke >Everyone follows me out >"Hey man you sure you're ok to drive?" >Don't say a word and drive home >Nobody texted me >Nobody wants to know if I made it home ok
I'm getting sick of my so called "friends", they just make fun of me all the time and make fun of me for being single. I don't even feel like I have friends anymore.
>>599543284 Bro I'm not fully aware of your situation obviously but you need to start standing up for yourself. After the raccoon part of your story it was like cringe/beta overload. Should've fucking torn that cunt a new asshole and explained that if they'd actually seen the film then maybe they'd enjoy it.
Bro stand up for yourself and get some self respect...start lifting brah.
I mean my life's ok, I'm only 19 and I have a decent job and make good money, but all I ever do is just sit at home on WoW or hang out with my friends, but it's not fun anymore, we don't do anything we used to do, now it's just sit around and smoke hookah and it's boring as shit, I want to go do stuff, see more movies, go camping, just anything more fun than sitting around waiting for 4 AM so we all go home.
>TL;DR, my friends are dicks to me and they're boring
>>599544430 >15 >summer sailing scout camp #4 >I have a small beard at the time >other kids are mocking me, calling me Hephaestus (because I wore an orange T-
shirt on the first day of the camp) >then there's this girl >whatishappeningtome.jpg >I knew other girls, I was sexually attracted to other girls >but this particular one... >my mortal eyes are unworthy of her shape >she's literally 90 centimeters of legs and 80 centimeters of hair >I can't get my mind off her >while I'm thinking how to have this classy girl at least look at me, I'm also looking at
the other girls >feels bad, knowing that they will never be her >feels even worse, knowing that I'm destined to watch the shit-tier girls >well, even the girl I was infatuated with before was shit-tier, compared to this
goddess >yes, let's call her Goddess for the sake of the story >we were fortunately allocated to the same youth group at the summer camp, so we share a lot of time >the days pass rather slowly, but I feel I ought to do something
>>599544733 shit, bad formatting, let's try further >the last day of the summer camp >I say to myself "fuck it, now or never" >I write a short letter to the Goddess >the mail is delivered during the morning muster >her name is read and she goes up to get her letter, waving her long hair >I swear to God, half of the men look behind her, half of the girls are pissed >I hear a whisper "I could her written her a letter, why didn't I think about it" >I smirk >Goddess got my letter >since that was the night of the big, final bonfire, I asked her if we could take a walk together >not signed by me, but of course by "a secret admirer" >I was very romantic at the time and used to the 19th-century literature >her close friend drops by our tent >uh-oh.jpg >"Anon, she doesn't mean to hurt you, but she tells it's not going to work out" >somehow somebody snitched on me >I trusted you, friends >the next couple of hours is pretty painful for me, as my friends do subtle jokes about my infatuation >shut up, guys, this infatuation is very serious >fast forward to the bonfire >1 AM or something like that, the official part is over, two hours into the joyous singing of the shanties >Goddess is sitting a few places further >I take a deep breath >I can either do it now or lose her forever
>>599544917 >I stand up and get in the back, walking behind all the people >with a trembling hand I pat Goddess on the shoulder >she stands up and gets in the back, without any word >as we get away from all the people, there's an uncomfortable silence >she hangs her head >"it turned out stupidly, I didn't want to turn it out this way-" >before she even finishes her sentence, I make an alpha move and hug her >I hugged a girl a couple of times before that, but never this way >I can almost taste the flower smell of her hair >this smell has been faint for the last couple of days >but now that this smell is everywhere around me and I become covered by this smell, I'm starting to realize what the true love is >suddenly I know that I'm condemned to love her and there is no possible way out >the strangest hour of my life starts >I don't let go of her, I just stand on her left side, hold her right arm with my right hand and thus we walk >the feeling? >at the same time I feel very manly and as if someone struck my head with a big hammer >Goddess comes from the region of the country, where kissing the other sex (even on the cheek) is very inappropriate, unless you're a couple >she kisses me several times on my cheeks, I'm in heaven and at the same time I'm ashamed >I don't deserve your kisses, Goddess >the alpha part of me starts to wake up as I try to kiss her on the lips >she takes one step back >"no, Anon." >except for that short dissonance everything's amazing
>>599544984 >turns out Goddess is a dreamyhead, just like me >she hesitates >boy, do I love that expression on her face, she looks like she's holding the keys to the entire knowledge this world has to offer >"so they called you Hephaestus... why?" >I shrug >"I think it might be because of my orange t-shirt" (I wore it a lot) >"so, if you're going to be Hephaestus, you're going to live in a volcano, forge amazing works of fire and have two beautiful women by your side..." >I'm surprised how smooth are my thoughts >"you know, I already have one and I'm perfectly fine with that, I don't need another" >two seconds later I feel her fall deeper into my arm and brush my arm with her other hand >even the longest walk has to end >we hug each other in front of her tent for minutes, neither of us lets go >she kisses me on the lips, very shortly >I feel blessed >"this is a goodbye then?" >I don't want to go back to the reality without Goddess >she whips out a piece of paper and a pen >writes down her email (I expected number, but she didn't have a mobile phone) >"drop me a line, will you?" >"oh I will, you can be sure about that." >we kiss each other on the cheek again and I go back to the tent
>>599545134 >none of my friends is asleep >"Anon, have you been that entire time with Goddess?!" >"...yes" >"how did it go? how did it go?" >"guys, please, I'm speechless." >there was a faint sense of grief inside of me, but I didn't mind back then. >the next day, Goddess is gathering everyone's emails >"this was the best summer camp ever! I'm going to send you all an email with the details of our next meeting, we have to organize it!" >she doesn't take my email >"aaaand I will be waiting for a message from you, mister" >she blinks at me and she leaves our tent, the guys are angry >the summer camp ends >it was organized by the people from my hometown >I live 300 km away, so I don't return with the people >time to say goodbye >I hug everyone, one by one >then I realize the next one is Goddess >short hug >"I already said goodbye to you yesterday, but I had to do it today, anyway", I whisper >she laughs >"ok, see you in October, Anon!"
>>599545177 >October... >fuck, it's almost three months away >I check the calendar >seventy days >seventy days to see my Goddess again >all that's left for now are emails >suddenly I feel empty inside >it's a beautiful day with a lot of sun, the road back home leads through the forests, meadows and fields of wheat >usually, I would be delighted with this kind of travel >now... everything loses sense >I still have a month of holidays, but I pray for this time to pass >God, I pray for the next year to pass quickly, I want another two weeks in a beautiful scenery with my Goddess >September starts, back to school >counting days until the meeting with Goddess >we have a huge meeting of our summer camp, she agrees to meet just with me, before that >within two weeks of our meeting, I start to count hours >within two days of our meeting, I start to count minutes >...she's not there >I sit on the bench not knowing what happened >after an hour people are starting to come >bros I haven't seen for three months
>>599545219 >suddenly, Goddess arrives >doesn't say anything at all, I don't know what's happening >turns out we have to find the leaders of the camp >it's a fun and recreational game, yay >finally we find them >they tell us they had an agent in our time and we can find his or hers name if only... >I automatically say "Goddess" >the camp leaders stare at me >"well... good deduction, that leaves out the next game we had prepared for you" >I would feel somehow guilty for ruining that fun >except for the fact that you took my time with Goddess, niggers >the meeting ends, everyone goes their own ways >I'm waiting for the tram, when suddenly it hits me that I haven't spoken even one single word to Goddess >oh, it hurts >I quickly dial my friend's number >"hey amigo, is Goddess still with you?" >"yup, we're on a tram" >"give your phone to her" >(she didn't have a mobile phone at the time) >"um... hello?" >"oh, Goddess, hi!" >I try to maintain my spaghetti where it belongs, in the pockets >"listen, today I was going to tell you something important and I couldn't, let's meet tomorrow, shall we?" >"okay, evening?" >"I go back to my city tomorrow at noon, maybe we could meet in the morning?" >"*sigh*... ok, 9 o'clock?" >"great, see you"
>>599545268 >I meet her the following day >Goddess walks out of the tram and looks as beautiful as always >even if it's a cold morning and she looks sleepy >I can tell she's scared, though >"Anon? what's this all about?" >I tell her "hello" and give her a hug >she smirks and returns the hug >I tell her I read her story on the internet and how I liked it >my dad worked in a printing house, so I also told her that >all we got was an hour, but it was like an hour of life after three months of nothing >I can tell something's changing
>>599545301 >surprise! >three weeks later my Grandpa has his birthday >used to be a huge celebration in our family, everyone went to Grandpa's place and there was a big party >anyway, Grandpa lives 3 kilometers from her city >I feel better >not even a month passes and I have the opportunity to meet her, again >this meeting is much better than the previous one, even though she's late almost half an hour >her birthday was getting close, so I wrote her a piano piece >she's excited, hugs me and dances on the street >two hours of the meeting pass like two seconds >I'm on the party, meet my family I haven't seen for ages, yet I feel empty inside >I tell myself I have to make it until next July >the snow will tell me that I'm halfway there, hopefully
>>599545355 >one morning a joyful shriek wakes me up >it's my younger brother >"the snow, the snow!" >something wakes up in the emptiness inside of me >I run up to the window and look at the world covered with white fluff >I can't stop looking and smiling, there's even one tear in my eye >I made it, I'm halfway there! >I wish I could make this time worthwhile >next months pass, I don't even see when >I'm going to ski with my family >uh-oh >to get to the mountains, I'll probably have to pass through her city >I ask my parents if I can stay in the city on the way back >they're shocked, but reluctantly agree >"Anon, you're 15 and while I doubt if it's the good age to ride trains on your own, you can do it" >oh joy
>>599545397 >I somehow get Goddess' number (she got the mobile) >while we're in mountains, I call her to make sure that we can meet while I'm heading back to my hometown >oh, her sweet, sweet voice, I haven't heard her for months >I listen to her, but I can barely get the message, all that counts is her lovely voice >we meet at the end of February >winter is coming to an end, it's still very cold though >we take the longest walk so far >at the end I get more courage >I put my arm around her, just like on the first night >as we walk, I can smell her hair >it's deeper than I thought >after I go back to my Grandpa's place, I only lay down and look blankly at the ceiling >however, she doesn't reply after that meeting
>>599545449 >March goes on without any contact >I'm starting to get worried >April is already warm, and so I call her from the outside, visiting the deserted green space near my home >she answers the phone >"Goddess? I was almost worried, what happened?" >"ah, I'll tell you later." >I just topped up my mobile phone account, so that I could get to talk to her as long as I could >we talk about everything, it goes almost as smooth as during our only night together >suddenly, the phone's dead and my heart's heavy >yes, I used up all the credit on the phone >I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel, though >I have a lot of work of April and May, so I only think of Goddess a couple of times a day >I have to meet her before the next summer camp, I just can't wait
>>599545487 >June 15th (the "pls respond" part) >it's a cold, windy day (as for June) >I meet her in her city >she's wearing a light jeans jacket, still looking gorgeous >she takes me to her favourite tea place >it's an Oriental one, you need to take off your shoes before stepping into a room filled with carpets >we sit on the carpets and pillows >she gives me a gift >"this one is for your birthday, it's a revenge for the piano piece you gave me" >I open it up >she drew my portrait >I don't want her to slip out of my life again >I'm moving closer and closer >I try to put my arm around her as she says "no" and storms out of the room >it's a different "no" this time, much angrier than before >(Goddess was angry and went to the bathroom every couple of minutes, in 2015 I realize she must have been on her period) >my heart starts racing >honestly, I don't remember it beating like that before >the next minutes feel like eternity
>>599545556 >she comes back, sits on the other side of the room and just stares at me with her head tilted >I feel that's the breaking point, I can't hold it any longer >"Goddess, can you promise me something?" >ten seconds feel like ten minutes >"depends." >"I want you to promise me that whatever I tell you right now, you won't leave this room" >another ten seconds >"ok, deal" >"promise?" >"promise." >"I love you." >I know I don't stand a chance, it's just too much for me >she sighs >"I know that, you always loved me, didn't you?" >"I think so." >"how can you love me? you don't even know me so well." >I'm silent for a minute. >"it's the way you move, the way you smell, the way you wave your hair, all your stories, your doubts... hell, I love even your speech impediment and every flaw you could possibly have." >she shakes her head >"it's not going to work out, Anon. if we were together right now, we could be a couple at the nearest summer camp. that's a nice perspective, but what then? you live in your own city, I live three hundred kilometers away, our worlds are apart. I don't want to live like this. I can't live like this."
>>599545624 >as we walk out the teashop, I feel my face was burning >never before have I felt that I'm blushing so hard >I walk her to the church, then go to my Grandpa >Grandpa wants to watch Euro 2008 with me >for most of the match I'm on the phone with my friend >my heart is crushed beyond repair >what's even worse, the summer camp is within two weeks
Sick of having a splinterable and hghly multifaceted personality, and tired of having a fragmented memory, terrified of losing myself entirely, again. I already have large chunks of memories and skills that are every hard to access unless I'm in the right state at the time. It's only direct experience that can be attached to "me" as a concept that is typically stored regardless. Skills, practical information, logic, all is fragmented and tends to get locked away.
Yet simultaneously terrified of losing any of these things I've come to know as "me". They might not be true standalone people, but this trait and tendency has shown me things I never could have seen otherwise. It's kept me going.
I try not to think about it. Lets it all fade into the background, makes it go away to an extent. But I still tend to feel like an incomplete person a lot of the time. Internal unity and solace just doesn't last.
>>599545663 >two weeks later we're heading for the summer camp >she keeps escaping for me while we're on the train >I just want to talk to her >she doesn't want to talk to me >the next two weeks are a new challenge >the camp is divided in four groups >each group has a youth leader >I'm the leader of one group (boys), she's the leader of the other group (girls) >I jokingly start to rival with her, it all turns out into a huge, humourous gender war >one night my unit is on the guard of the camp >I'm guarding the camp during the night, I sneak up to her tent and wake her up >tell her we really need to talk >I just feel I need to talk to her, I don't know what we could possibly talk about >for 45 minutes it's a painful talk and I'm sure other girls in her tent aren't sleeping now >at the end, I give her a little heart of glass I found for her >the next day the shitstorm ensues >apparently some boys from my unit were caught sneaking up to the girls tents >the camp was left unguarded >some of the scouts from my unit are facing now serious consequences >I look at Goddess with a small shade of fear in my eyes >she could blow the whistle on me, telling everybody I sneaked up to her tent too >she had five witnesses to prove it >she doesn't do it
>>599545711 >I feel that we could settle all of this out after the final bonfire >at the final bonfire she sits the furthest from me she can, surrounded by her friends >I am getting the courage to go there and just ask for this one, final (or maybe not) talk >I expect shitstorm as she flees and her friends condemn me >hell, she's worth it >suddenly, a heavy storm appears >we have to rush to our tents, the bonfire is abandoned, as the rain instantly puts the fire out >I listen to the rain on my tent and I know I will probably never see my Goddess again
>>599545754 >the next day is usual >everyone goes to my hometown, I'm going to another city >I hug everyone >Goddess is the next one >we share a short, little hug >I whisper to her "I will write you an email" >I refuse to believe it's over >I'm going back home, the weather is beautiful >the road leads through the forests, the fields of wheat and meadows >I feel emptier than I have ever felt >I waited for a year for this summer camp, I thought about it during every hour of the past year, I even dreamed about it at night >all is lost now
>>599545754 >four months later it's Goddess' birthday >I did something extremely stupid and I had to worry about that >this put my mind away from Goddess >I'm touring in Belgium with my school choir >for hours I don't know what to say in the text >finally I wish her a happy birthday and not much more >to my amazement, she replies, for the first time in months >she asks how I've been, like nothing's been changed >I still dream about her every night, for the next year >at least until the next catastrophy comes tumbling into my life
>>599545805 >this next girl, Karen, makes me forget about Goddess >all is well, but we argue a lot, I don't know why >August 2010 >go to the music festival with Karen >I fear that she only wants to go there because of her friends >she tells me though that she's there really for the music >okay for me >we're going to see the first band >some people are loud in front of the stage >she tells me these are her friends and asks for permission to say hello to them >"don't ask for permission, for fuck's sake, just go" >she goes there >from the distance I can see a guy grabs her tits >I storm out of the tent >she calls me 5 minutes later >we meet somewhere in the middle of the festival >"what was that about?" >"that guy was groping your tits, so I decided to give you more privacy" >"oh, he? he was just the designer of the shirt and he wanted to check out its weight" >the worst excuse I've ever heard >anyway, I tell her that I'm not sure whether I shouldn't go back home >she's nowhere to be found in the middle of my sentence >turns out her friends showed up and she went to say hello to them >I storm out of the place >we have a huge fight >everything's fine, because at this time I'm a cuck
>>599545874 >last day of the festival >after another fight (resulting in her hospitalization) everything seems settled >she went for the beer with her friends, I'm okay >suddenly I smell flowers >no... it can't be... >Goddess?... >some guy holds her hand and walks with her through the crowd >I overcome the instant desire to punch him >they just pass by, so I decide to call her to check if it's really her >battery dead >they're lost in the crowd >damn it
>>599545965 >the next day I go back home >my parents bring me a shitstorm >I survive >log on the communicator >"Goddess, this question may seem strange, but have you been to the music festival yesterday?" >the answer arrives 10 minutes later (usually I waited for hours) >"I was hoping I could ask you the same thing." >fuck >this is a breaking point in my relationship >I realize it was Goddess all along in my mind >during the next three months I try my best to forget about Goddess and be with Karen >however, since the music festival Karen's started to act like a bitch >three painful months later she breaks up with me, at this point I've lost 15 kg
>>599546012 >fast forward to 2012 >I'm now starting to be an acclaimed soundman >I'm going to work on my first feature documentary movie, boy am I excited >we're going to shoot in my hometown >...oh for fuck's sake >there's no feelings in my heart when I text Goddess >"hey, I'm going to be in my hometown for an entire month, wanna meet like in the old days?" >it hurts knowing that five years earlier we could have been together in this kind of situation >she's very excited and says "sure" >I meet her at the sunset >she didn't change a bit for the past 4 years >I haven't heard her voice for all these years, holy shit, I couldn't remember it was so beautiful >the smell is much weaker though, I try to drown in it, but I can't >I'm a different person >I tell her a lot about what I've been up to for all these years, she looks at me with admiration and a little sadness in her eyes >at this point I know she's had a boyfriend for 3 years and I'm not mad about it >"we have to meet soon, I'm going to organize a party, you're invited", I tell her as a goodbye
>>599546054 >two weeks later I organize the party >it's a small one, as there are just five people >me, director, producer, our two female friends from the previous sets >doorbell >it's Goddess >I introduce her to the director and the producer, I can tell they're both in love at first sight (which they tell me later) >we proceed to go out for the party >it's the first weekend of the summer, fifty thousand young people on the biggest street of the city >we bring ukulele along, drink and have the time of our lives >Goddess is getting drunk, suddenly her head rests on my shoulder >"what's going on?" >"nothing, it's just... I never realized this entire story could turn out so well" >feels good >the party is great, at the end I meet her boyfriend >I accept him >she invites us for the Euro 2012 final at her apartment >unfortunately, we never make it there >the rest of 2012, the entire 2013 and most of 2014 pass by >I get a girlfriend, quite good looking, but I can't stop thinking I picked her because she has something that Goddess had
>>599546109 >November 2014, at this point Goddess and me have worked on one short movie >it was all remote, though, we didn't meet >we plan to see the movie together at the festival, but the one screening is far away >the second screening is in the city where I live, but she doesn't want to come >it's sad, but I can live with that >one day before the screening she calls me >"I didn't realize you were talking about the screening of the same movie! pick me up tomorrow?" >I have waited years for this moment >I see her again, the smell of flowers is very, very faint >I don't even react the same way I used to >anyway, we have a great time at the film festival, even though she hits her head while we're rushing there >director and producer see her, latter of them tries to talk Goddess into crashing at his place while I'm at the toilet (dickmove, bro) >it's midnight and we don't want the night to end so abruptly >I take Goddess to my "private sanctuary" at the railroad tracks >we buy two bottles of wine and serious talking ensues >later it gets cold, so we get back to my place >we stop talking when we realize it's 7 AM, only to sleep for two hours and talk more >I'm amazed of how easy it is to talk to her >she leaves and I have only a slight sense of emptiness in my heart
>>599546146 >first days of 2015 >my girlfriend and me take a trip abroad >my hometown is relatively close to the border, we have to pass through it to get home >I have a crazy idea >I call Goddess to ask if we could crash at her place >she agrees >she arrives to meet us with her boyfriend (of 6 years now), I arrive with my girlfriend >her boyfriend leaves us, we head to her flat >her mom greets us and heads to work, the three of us are alone >we talk for hours, until it's really time to sleep >Goddess hugs both of us and heads to her bedroom, I stare blankly at the ceiling >my girlfriend asks me if I'm feeling alright, she knows I've been infatuated with Goddess >"well... years ago, I would give literally anything to be here, in her flat. now, I'm comfortable with being here, but I don't know what to tell you... stories change, I'm feeling old." >her hair smelled like shampoo, there was no trace of the flowers
I don't get shit like this either.. I have a decent job, I own my own house which isn't huge but it's nice and I own my car. I dress decently and am a fairly nice person but girls never want to go out with me. But this doucher I know who can barely hold a job for more than 6 months and lives in his uncle's basement can bring a girl home every weekend. And he smells like fucking garbage. He just ended a 2 year long relationship with a really nice chick because he was "bored" with her.
I'm not sure if my feelings are real or forced anymore
I went through a life changing traumatic heartbreak a little over a year ago, and ever since then I've been cycling from feeling on top of the world to numb
Lately I've been mostly numb. I feel like I have no reason to be, and am not sure why I do.
I have a loving boyfriend who loves me, we're compatible on so many levels, a roof over my head, and I'm financially stable. I love and care about him... I think Sometimes I genuinely feel it, sometimes I feel nothing at all.
Often times I think about throwing it all away because I don't know if what I'm feeling is real or not.
Every time feelings of real affection come up toward him, it immediately is replaced by fear and I start to cry, like I shouldnt feel this way.
I dont know anymore I'm waiting for it to pass but it's getting a little worse I feel Maybe I need antidepressants
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