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I can't hold my tongue. I have to concentrate on everything I say because I always blurt out shit that gets me in trouble at work. When I see someone do something funny or say something stupid shit just flies out of my mouth and I wind up getting in trouble for not being sensitive towards others feelings.
lazy as fuck cant get myself to do anything that i need to do, even when i see that its clearly what i should be doing right now and will help me in every way. but fuck that, why would i do something useful when i can just play shitty video games and browse b.
I'm full of shit. Ever since I can remember I just make shit up. Not retarded stuff, I keep it believable, which is worse, because people think I'm a certain way when in reality I'm none of those things.
I have no friends and I'm amazingly boring overall. I sleep, i fap, I work, I eat, and I play vidya. That's it. Ever.
You need to buy the high quality stuff, otherwise you're just getting some marginal level of the methylxanthines. You need the cocoa butter as well, for the 5-HT, tryptophan, some tannins, and most importantly, the anandamide.
You don't take me seriously. You think I'm kidding. But I'm not. A decent mix of cocoa solids and cocoa butter has dragged me out some deep dysfunctional dark pits, ad given me a proxy to achieve things I had told myself I couldn't. Gave me motivation, new perspective, and a new way to see and grasp another way to be. I also drove myself to the brink of madness and then went beyond eating just the cocoa solids... you really want the other components as well. Such things never happen with those included as well.
The drug is only as good as you are. If you truly want motivation and to think about your life and make meaningful changes, it can afford that.
Unfortunately I'm kidding and just going through the motions out of boredom. This anon is entirely correct. You can find contentment, you can find ways to get by, but you never escape the madness of other people. I won't say the stupid are blessed by any means, they're just another kind of broken and miserable, but... they do have something.
I don't think a lot about intelligence or compare myself to others, it's a meaningless myopic notion. But I do feel lonely, I can't help but see contrast, and it's maddening trying to interact with others, knowing the faults in their logic and reasoning process, and never getting anything beyond the same tired old shit that was wrong the first time and is wrong the 6 millionth. But they're satisfied, and they'll do it all again, and again, and again.
I'm only human, I have emotions too, I'm scared of hurting others and can be hurt to some extent, but at the same time, there's a disconnect. For more reasons than I could ever bring myself to communicate.
>>599598747 Probably. It depends on what you're eating. If it's just Hershey's, Lindt, etc, then yes. They don't use shit for cocoa butter, if any at all, and just use soy lecithin as an emulsifying agent, which I find subjectively worse in taste, and texture. It's also loaded with corn syrup or whatever else half the time.
I eat "Equal Exchange". Before anyone calls me on >Fair trade blah blah politcal ideological whatever I can't in truth say how fair fair trade really is, and the main reason I go for it is like I said, the quality aspect is fairly clear, they use chocolate liquor which is 50% cocoa soilids, 50% cocoa butter, and supplement some additional cocoa depending on the product. There's no soybean or corn, I have allergies so that's important for me (I spent literally the last half a decade+ passively searching for a chocolate bar I could actually eat), and it's just a no bullshit product that's reasonably priced. There are others that come to mind, but this is my favorite.
>>599599021 Like I said above. Equal Exchange. I wish I could remember the name of the other ones... eh, they were pretty good as well, but all of their names elude me. Sorry.
For a long time I tried to make my own chocolate. Orate chocolate liquor raw / sweetened it myself. I could never get the vanilla, and all the balances and whatnot quite correct, and I could nowhere near match the overall effectiveness of just buying one when you factor eveything together. Fuck it, I'll probably keep trying to make my own, but this is quite fine.
>>599599717 I don't sleep very well. Grind my fucking teeth every instant of sleep, whether stressed or not. Probably because my jaw / teeth are misaligned, don't come together right, mind subconsciously tries to grind into the proper position?
Dunno. The only time I don't grind my teeth together is when I'm beyond blackout drunk and poisoned with enough ethanol to have it be a matter of luck if I don't drown in my own vomit or simply stop breathing and never wake up.
Not too into naps. Not at all keen. Already have chronic pain of the trigeminal nerve, I feel like I'm doing pretty well with it not being constant / staying episodic.
>>599595519 >have always been beta >never been in a fight >suck with women >most times i was faced with confrontation i cried...last time my friend got in a scrap and i didn't jump in it was 2v2 and i was on the side...felt like i was gonna shit my pants i'm a pussy
>>599601271 I recommend the show "Ergo Proxy". Something tells me you might find it relateable, or interesting at the very least.
Alternatively Texhnolyze or Neon Genesis Evangelion. You sound like you're internally conflicted and not comfortable with yourself. Sometimes coming across the right things can spur some internal shit, brings things into focus, afford new thoughts, brings things into your conscious mind you never knew you were even thinking about.
>>599601407 I like older stuff done on cels. Not really fond of 3D either. It's pretty rare I find anything that was done fully digital that turned out well, there's always terrible aliasing, pixelation of assets, poor blending, resampling artifacts, etc. Funny enough the screenshot I posted is one such rare example, made with a full digital process as far as I know, but came out looking quite natural and almost analog.
Ghost in the shell 2 is probably the only other example of 3D and a lot of digital assistance done right.
>>599595519 >I have horrible anxiety that keeps coming back because I don't deal with it properly >I tend to over do it on things I like >I can never tell when a girl is into me >I can't take rejection well >I always seem to have trouble pooping
I have gynecomastia, sleeping problems, a little high pitched voice, retracted jaw, inferiority complex. I act like a retard near strangers and sometimes near my friends. I'm really bad at romantic relationships, because of that I'm a virgin and never had a girlfriend. I'd kill myself but I'm a coward.
>>599602473 Every experience changes you anon. The degree and type just depends on both the experience (as a force you cannot directly control), and how you choose to use or view it.
A few anime in the past gave me lot to think about and ultimately showed me a lot about myself, and helped figure some things out. It might sound ridiculous, but had I not seen Ghost in the Shell, Texhnolyze, Serial Experiments Lain, or to an extent, Ergo Proxy, I'm not really sure who or what I'd be. Where I would have gone.
>>599603097 funny thing is anon. some of those animes i've wanted to watch for a while. also i know experiences change you...sad thing is i feel my experiences from the past few years have changed me in ways I'm still not sure i like...but then again i don't know when i ever liked my self so thanks for trying to help /b/ro i'll check them out and keep on going forward.
>have weird fetishes >Gf sexully frustrated by me >lots of arguing >no motivation, currently NEET >am smart but feel like worst person ever constantly for no reason, am self aware of this viscous cycle but it never ends >socially awkward, scared of starring college >don't know how to interact with divorced parents, especially my mom who's marrying a dark ass motherfucker in less time than I've been dating my gf
Basically my life is a confusing mess and I'm becoming more introverted by the second.
>>599595519 > I had a tendency to self destruct my relationships >I've got no idea what I want to do for a career and as someone who's 20, I don't have very long to find out >I'm slightly underweight >My teeth are a little screwed (Thanks to British mother) >Despite being a really fast learner, I just cannot for the life of me improve on learning to drive
That other people persistently fail to recognise my greatness.
I keed. The thing I hate is how unstable my self-esteem is. About 10% of the time I have very high self-esteem, confidence and charisma. Although I try to keep my thoughts and actions below the threshold of grandiose delusion, I automatically and effortlessly take control of social situations, directing the flow of conversation, entertaining my friends with jokes and telling them nice things about themselves. Basically, I take responsibility for everyone having a good time, and I make it happen without really thinking about or planning it. As I do this, I'm aware that what I'm really doing is feeding my own ego, but if everyone is happy that I'm essentially manipulating them into enjoying themselves then I don't see the harm. Right now, I'm involved with a group project at college and I as I interact with the other group members I can almost watch myself taking control of the group, just because I like being the boss. Again, there's no harm - I pull my weight and I'm good at my degree subject, so I'm not like a psychopath who fights to the top of a business and then tanks it. I don't push my own ideas when someone else's are better. I just take the leadership role. And, again, I don't consciously plan this, it just happens. It's fascinating to watch yourself doing this.
Anyway. The problem is the other 90% of the time, when I have various shades of anxiety and depression. I don't speak much (someone will ask how I am and all I say is "I'm good"; I know I'm supposed to ask back but it seems stupid and a waste of effort) and don't really take part in conversations. These phases seem to be unpredictable. I'm not sure if it's NPD or bipolar II or what but I'm sick of it. I spent most of my life thinking I was a submissive introvert with anxiety, poor social skills and no "inner fire". Hopefully antidepressants will help me.
>>599604092 oh then no i'm not like that personally i love vidya but i feel i stick to it because it is nostalgic...i don't even get hyped for new games just buy games i want on sale and play them on my free time but besides that i'm on /b/ or doing something related to school i had my video game addiction phase when i was 17 and playing WoW
>i have an average penis >i can't commit myself >i'm a virgin because >i'm fat >i have no idea how to be attractive for women (even though i succeeded a few times, i never had enough confidence to actually fuck anyone) >i don't take risks >i'm too lazy to change anything about myself.
>>599605008 I have that same thing, I'm so paranoid about saying something wrong or sounding wrong I speak monotone because I'm scared if I sound too enthusiastic then people will think badly of me. I speak so monotone and boring and I end up looking like a socially awkward autist.
>>599604659 i get a mental block and freeze up with anxiety it's fucking torture. it sucks because it seems to be the most extreme thing i can feel. i'm just a big introvert and i've had anxiety since i was a kid i think it's because i feel my parents didn't/don't love me. i've gotten better though i used to be NEET until i faced my fears...but i seem to have a really big fear of the uncertain which is what holds me back the most...as well as body image problems from being a fat when i was younger...i've lost weight as an adult but i still look like a doughy dude. p.s. feels good to open up to someone even if it is potentially a 16 year old. most of my friends/family tell me to suck it up/laugh when i show them i have real feelings but maybe that's just part of being a man
>>599605008 if you say what you think then people will either hate you or love you, but you will never be able to fit in a group of people, because in that group some will really hate you and so you will be alone with a few people who really like you and most of the people who hate you. luckily almost nobody will tell you what they think of you, because they are afraid of what you could think of them, so either fit in and hate yourself or don't fit in and live alone but you don't hate yourself
>>599605479 Hey glad to help. This might sound like crappy advice, but the best advice I can give you is to not thin kabout it. Don't think about what might happen; concentrate only o nwhat you want to do andd how to do it.
>>599605479 The mental block, I know this hell. In its shadow as it wastes away it leaves nothing but a sense of failure and self disgust. Honestly, I came to feel like I'd rather be dead.
Recommend getting a food allergy test and not eating nightshades (like tomatoes, potato, eggplant). Each of these cause the release of histamine, allergy obvious from your immune response, nightshades from triggering the release from mast cells. Histamine cane make anxiety horrible, crippling, and unmanageable. It took me half my fucking lifetime and more fighting against it before I figured out it had a physiological source potentiating it. It got a lot more manageable after I filtered these things out.
There's also a psychological basis. But removing all the shit in your way can make that basis much easier to face, if it is in fact part of your problem to begin with. Don't get me wrong though, the psychological side is just as deep if not deeper.
sure, but then you have to keep your mouth shut about what you think, it's that easy. the people who get along with everybody manage that by not ever saying anything whats really on their mind but only telling you what you want to hear
>>599606197 >no motivation maybe i can motivate you with a tip: you don't have to hunger or do sports to lose weight, just do a low carb diet and you'll lose your weight quickly. after that diet, don't eat anymore sugar or white flour foods (whole grain stuff is ok), ever, and you'll stay thin.
>>599595519 >I'm not very sociable when it comes to strangers >lazier than I'd like to be
That's pretty much it. Aside from those two things I love myself and am glad to be me instead of any of you faggots. I could do with hitting the gym, I'm pretty skinny, but I'm okay with that, it's definitely better than being fat.
>>599606790 just stuff related to anxiety...like making up scenarios in my head that scare me out of something. or being super self conscious in public...wondering what kinda shit i could possibly talk to people about when i'm in public. at worst i get paranoid thoughts that my family and friends think i'm a hopeless ugly loser but don't admit it to spare my feelings
>>599606443 But why's that funny? He could? I'm fit, earning okay money, not bad looking, 7/10 GF. I'm great at everything except I don't understand my own humour and I constantly i mean CONSTANTLY talk I'm this seminar high pitched sarcastic / truthful voice .Why?
too afraid to take risks, even when there is no real danger, afraid of what other people will think of me . friends out drinking? not me. Ask out that chick? too afraid of what my friends will think didn't play any hoghschool sports because of this probably won't ever try going to a big university because of this
I sincerely hate black people. Raised in the south just taught all blacks are just worthless garbage. College educated traveled a lot but whenever I see a black person buying food I know she is paying with welfare money that I worked to give her and her tribe of children.
I love the.fact /b/ are actually being supportive to eachother, good on you guys.
Now in relation to the post- asking me a few months ago whilst I was suicidal would've given a very depressive and self repulsing answer, but things have picked up for me. I have a beautiful girlfriend, supportive friends, a great family and college is going well. And trust me, I used to be lowest of the low. I have come so close to ending my life I shudder to think about it. I'm a schizophrenic you see, and that's probably all I hate about myself currently. I've learned to appreciate what I have, and to all of you on this thread- Stay strong brothers. You will get through this, and there is light on the end of this struggle. I promise you. I have felt exactly as you have felt once before. You can make.it through <3
>>599607606 I think i've learned to suppress it. at some point in the past i mistook becoming tough for becoming listless but as far as that "reaction" it doesn't hold much weight, it just seemed to fit what i said. pic related?
>>599607742 It's pretty much every day I fantasize about what life was like in the ice age, hunting down mammoths with my tribe and then building things out of its bones. So I think you're right and I'm just not doing enough to stimulate myself.
Crippling anxiety and paranoia, both in day to day life (worthlessness, self-doubt, paranoia of others' opinions, etc.) and in my relationship.
I think they're the result of how much of a shit person I was in my 7 years with my ex-girlfriend/high school sweetheart. I stressed to her throughout that I wanted an open relationship and despite the fact she wasn't cool with it I still pursued others and cheated. A lot. Mostly romantic flings, but also sexual. We're still friends and roommates (we live in a house of 3 couples: her and my bestfriend, me and my boyfriend, and our other friend and his girlfriend), but I feel like the years of being in the mentality of a cheating sociopath has crippled my ability to trust and have faith in my partner. In between my high school sweetheart and my current partner, I had my heart broken by my other ex and it really fucked me up and made me realize how easy it is to be a lying piece of shit, because I remembered what it was like.
I love my boyfriend and when I go into panic attacks I remind him that it's not his fault and that I value and trust him, it's just hard to get over the fear of eventual rejection and/or infidelity. I know how easy it is to be gullible and believe a liar because I got my ex to do it for years, so I feel like if he ever lies to me I'm not going to have any idea it's happening.
He and I are very happy together, I just need a lot of help before I think I'll be stable; mental disorder runs in my family so I'm sure there's an underlying chemical reason for my paranoia.
Mainly my personality being so fragmented, and its tendency to splinter and split. It's as though I lack something. It is unpleasant losing skills, memories, logic, and information. It can be awful suddenly becoming something else in an instant, and or being thrown way back in the past. I can feel a lot of memories but I can't actually access or get at them if I've become in another "state". Sometimes I can't even find them and forget there is anything to remember.
If I didn't build a core framework to tie all of this together I very well could have gone full DID. As it stands I just have some core cluster of ideas and logic that forms a central "I". The core self can be swapped, or personalities can be layered onto a different core like a mask. they tend to start bleeding into each other.
It's hard to explain. I used it at one point, heavily. Now I just try not to think about it. Try to focus on internal unity and being able to feel and function like I'm one contiguous person. And it works... to an extent.
Part of me is so lonely. I don't lack a me, and I don;t have a me either. I'm rigid and self reliant yet at the same time wonder if I'm ultimately just empty.
Bad teeth Lack of discipline when it comes to eating/drinking (even though I'm just barely overweight) Can't give a shit about other people, which is also making relationships impossible Too lazy to quit my shit job, since I can't be assed to look for a new one Wasting money on useless shit to entertain myself
>>599609836 i eat mostly lean meat, frozen whole foods vegetables, olive oil, rice (one 125g bag max per day) or steamrolled oats (100g max per day), joghurt, cheese, lean meat like chicken breasts or lean pork, and absolutely no sugar or white flour, nothing that contains that. i try not to eat more than 1200 cals a day but i'm full nonetheless.
>>599610513 Braces are a component of probably what led to my trigeminal neuralgia. Do not recommend. Braces are painful, a pain in the ass, expensive, and there's always risk. I strongly recommend just getting used to one's teeth and moving on. There are better ways to increase your confidence and make life what you want it to be.
I have a small penis, i have a short banjo string, i have bad asthma, im absolutely covered in hair, im overweight, im a virgin, i only have about 60% mobility in my right arm, if i drink i throw up before im drunk, i have aspergers,
>>599607095 The humour comes from thinking about the outrage that would be caused if he did it while there's an unspoken understanding that he "couldn't" (really "wouldn't") actually do it. He physically could do it, but it would be socially outrageous, so he "can't". That means it's safe to imagine what would happen if he did it, and the imaginary results are funny.
For most people, humour is just kind of intuitively understood. It's impossible to comprehensively explain why a joke is funny -- at some point, all you are left with is "it just is". At every level of explanation you can always ask again "But why is THAT funny?".
>>599595519 I have sex with girls I shouldn't. I hate it but it's also not so bad, dunno really. But I have cheated on every girl I've ever dated. I cheated on my last girlfriend with six girls and I cheated on my current girlfriend with my best friend's sister.
I guess even though I'm skinny and small as fuck I'm at least mostly proportionate and have a cute face. (I'd pass for a small 16 year old) Somehow I get through life without feeling very insecure most of the time, but I occasionally get stoned and look at my arms and start freaking out about how small I am as an adult. Other than being a couple inches taller I'm about the same size as I was when I was 10.
I know I'm going to be one weird looking 30+ year old.
>smoke too much weed >paranoid about everything i think thats from smoking too much weed >ive got a stupid eastern european accent when im speaking english and i live in a english speaking country >dunno what the fuck im doing with my life >promised myself ill commit suicide on my 21st birthday if i dont get my shit together ( im 19 now so ive got 2 years)
>>599595519 Everyone who's ever met me thinks I'm an aloft, overconfident asshole, and I play along with it, because it's better than the alternative of letting people know I'm dead inside and have no reason to live.
>>599595519 >Business is going no where >TV Show is going no where >Writing is going no where since my laptop got smashed. >Stuck with one girl and I'm afraid that if I dump her I'll never find someone else. >Gains are nonexistent after 2 months. >Depression is causing me to sleep for 10-12 hours a day. >Thousands in debt.
>>599613521 If you pick the right person to tell, they can probably help, depending on whether you're dead inside because you're depressed or a psychopath. The latter is incurable but the support of friends is invaluable in depression. I'm speaking from experience. I also do the aloof, overconfident façade.
I had to cleanse my conscience carry on im better now. >>599614864 first try eye contact. then maybe hello. then just kind of wave and say wud up sometimes. >>599615227 stop eating fatty. its gross and your gonna die. like I want to die in sin but drowning in pussy sounds awesome. thanks guys im out
>>599615891 youll know when your about to die. also not my problem fatty just be a loser if your cool with that. I am, idc also I cant take any more comments as I have a huge superiority complex and im much to busy to be annoyed.
>>599595519 Dragging on a relationship for two years with a controlling gril who acts like my mother. I'm too passive to end it and scared of how she'll react. She's away right now and next week I'm gonna call her and break it off... if I can.
I'm bitchy as hell, I treat my friends like shit and then wonder why they dislike me, I'm lazy as fuck, I don't know what I want to do in life, I focus on romance too much, I'm poor, aaand I'm depressed.
>>599617917 Yeah, I've been single for about a year now. Previously been in a 2-year relationship. Had about 3 girls ask me out so far, one was someone I'd fuck, but not have a relationship with, another was just way too keen that it was off-putting and the third was in some weird fuckbuddy thing already. Just flat-out not interested enough for all that jazz.
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