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Are you literally this fucking retarded. You know that she's interested in you. What the fuck else do you need? Do you need to her to draw a sign for you? Because she's basically already done that. Just fucking ask her if she wants to go see a movie or some shit goddammit anon, I love you because I used to be like this but life is too short, hurry up and get on with it and you'll be happy.
>>601750015 Thanks a lot, I really needed this. I'll talk to her together and quit dicking around. One last thing, should I just come out and say I have a crush on her, and explain my situation of nervousness?
>>601749232 I was in the same way in high school didn't become alpha until college. You don't want people to fuck around with you girls are the same way she probably already knows you like her just cut to the fuckin chase. easiest thing to do is ask her out for lunch or some shit its a good get to know you better start and she can see what charming little bastard you are.
Maybe talk to her more than a couple of times instead of sperging out and asking her for her number just because she likes the same animoo you do. This doesn't mean she's interested, so look for signs and make sure she's returning the attraction.
After you've seen anything noticeable, go in for the kill and ask her if she wants to hang after school. Go grab something to eat. If it goes well, ask her for her number at the end and tell her you'd like to text her. Go from there.
Don't pull the trigger too soon and ask for the number before all of the above. If she says no to hanging out more than once, then you have your answer. Don't fret, you literally have nothing to lose.
Nooooooooooo no. She clearly already knows this if she has half a brain, and you should know that she feels the same way also.
It should just be unsaid, but mutually understood, don't create a really awkward situation for yourself. Let her know you have a crush on her without saying a word, by holding her hand while you're walking during your hang out sesh, or during the movie. It'll feel like it's impossible to do at the moment, and your heart will be begging to jump out of your chest, but you'll feel like a god once you take that leap of faith.
And don't be nervous bruv, literally pretend like you're hanging out with one of your friends. Girls aren't different, they're the same human beings that we are, they also get shy, they also get nervous, they also sperg out. Relax.
>>601749232 >>601751424 >15 >First day of sophomore year in high-school >Year before was dramatic, and i was antisocial because of that >Make it to my 4th period >Honors Government, heard it was pretty easy so i relax a bit >See some old friends, but noone i really care that much for >Next thing i see is this beautiful girl >I had never seen her before, so i figured she was new >Lucius brown hair, beautiful deep eyes, innocent face, great height >Getting good vibes from this girl >She checks the seating chart, and walks over to me >Realize we have assigned seats together >GovTeacherIsMyNigga.gif >She sits down and i say hi >She says hey but she didn't seem to thrilled to be there >Understandable, it's school afterall >Teachers begins class introduction...
>be me >17 >in August right before senior year of high school move to a different state >bye bye all my friends >no friends all 1st semester >2nd semester schedule change >1st period english >sit next to 8.5/10 qt 3.14 >still have no friends and don't talk to anyone >she is the first person to start talking to me asking me about what I like and shit >spaghetti >too beta to give a coherent answer >she starts talking about what she likes in an attempt to get me to start talking >she is super into hockey and hopes to become a professional some day >she is also into video games mostly rpg's >also enjoy hockey and video games >start hanging out and talking a lot >become really good friends >go to her hockey games to watch and we play video games together >ffw to graduation >at graduation party smoking weed with her and talking >tell her I love her >she says it back >make out until one of her friends comes by >her friend drags her off somewhere and she says she will be right back >fall asleep while waiting for her >party starts to die down >wake up and see she never came back >go around the house looking for her >find her in the bathroom completely naked and crying >she was raped >sit there with her all night comforting her >two days later she sends me a text saying "I love you" >after that she committed suicide
>>601752555 >I was kinda lazy in those times >Look to my right to find her name on her paper >Kyra >That's unique, for a white girl at-least >Look down and she's hard at work >Filling out all information >Answering all the questions our teacher expected us to know >Oh is she a nerdy girl? >I ask if i can borrow some of her answers >Sure..... *points at my paper* Charles smiling a bit >Realize i didn't know any of the questions >Win win situation? >Class goes by >Going through the halls, and i ask for her number >Here, and maybe you can text me so we can go to the football game this Friday >This girl's amazing, we talk for a bit until we have to part ways >Get to the football game and meet up with her >See she's already made a few new friends >Knew both of them, but not too close with either one, kinda just those cute shy girls you see >We have a fun time, to be honest, i didn't and still don't like Football, just being with her made it a fun experience >Our high-school wins, and everyone's in a good mood >Once again we part ways >Bye Charles! >See ya Kyra, both smiling >Some time passes and we continue to hit it off >Homecoming is starting to roll around
It'll just be a little strange and very random if you haven't talked to her for a month. It's very likely to create an awkward situation. Just say something among the lines of "Long time no talk, how are you? What have you been up to?" Then tell her what you've been up to. Tell her you've been really busy and you have a free weekend coming up and you were wondering if she wants to hang out. Like I said bruv, tell her you like her by going for her hand while walking or in the movies, or by putting your head on her shoulder or head during the movie.
>Be In hs. new school never had friends in my life and a pretty bad abusive past. > sit an cry at a hallway no one goes into, then go back to class and fake a smile. > Failing every class. > Fast forward to thanksgiving. > I'm all alone until this girl invites me to sit with her, she likes anime. Even if its shitty weeb stuff i'm happy she's letting me be her friend > Fast forward to a month ago, New girl moves to our school she has a crush on her. I no longer matter, just every moment is about her. > Failing every class, all she can say is " It sounds like a personal Problem, Anyways What dress should i wear when i go to prom with new girl?" > She's now not talking to me and when she does it's so passive aggressive.
What do? I don't want to be alone in school, but I mean I'm already back to nothing basically, she says maybe 5 non bitch things to me a week. Advise?
Don't announce that you're nervous. Just don't do it, because that definitely makes it a reality and throws it out there. You would be making the situation much worse for yourself.
Believe me, if you're nervous as fuck she'll notice, you don't need to tell her also. And she'll assume it's because you like her, so it's fine. You can joke around about it later about how nervous you were that one time once you're both comfortable with each other. Keep that shit contained for now.
>>601752584 I'm so sorry bro. The only thing I can say is that it gets better. It gets easier to cope with. And it's okay for it to not bother you as much anymore: its not an affront to her memory. In fact you'd be honouring it. Would she want to you to wallow?
>>601754470 >Decide i like her enough to ask her to go with me >Make a simple plan, take a piece of paper place it under the projection camera >Ask my teacher to turn it on once class had settled down >"Kyra can you turn on the projector?" >Turning the projector on doesn't allow you to see what's under the camera >The projector screen starts to show up while she's looking at it to see if it worked >The projector reads, "Kyra, how does homecoming sound?" ~Charles >Her face red as a tomato, some of the girls doing that "aww" shit they feel obliged to do for whatever reason, some of my friends laughing under their breath >She turn back and can only nod from how awkward it all is >Wasn't really awkward for me, and i come up to take the paper down and give her a hug >We sit down >i say "Sorry, that must have been awkward for you" as i hand her the paper >She says it's fine and laughs it off >Continue class as normal >Homecoming night finally happens and we get together with a few friends to take some photos >i had always thought the whole thing was stupid, it's a formal event where sweaty kids grind on eachother in a hot gym >Get there and have a decent time, but she had alot more fun than i >We head off to one of the after parties and end up getting drunk, i only remember making out with her, and then passing out >That was definitely the highlight of the night >Wake her up asking if she needs a ride home >She says yes, and i get my brother to take us to her house >I walk her to her door and hug her as she says bye >She says it was the best night of her life >i tell her that will probably change soon and say Goodbye
>You'll be long dead if humanity ever get's it's shit together and stops old age to go out and conquer the entire universe, defeat entropy and march out into the wilderness to conquer other universes in the name of the glorious human empire
>Be a couple of months ago >Girl falls in love with me >Turns out she still has a boyfriend >Says she came really close to kissing me on multiple occasions >eventually decides that she can't date me because its wrong >By late November she broke up with her boyfriend >Think maybe this is a sign >By mid January she falls in love with my friend >We still hang out >She says she loves me but its not the same as it was >Loves my friend so much more >One day we're hanging out and she says I would be a better boyfriend and that I have everything she is looking for >Still doesn't love me like she used to >Probably going to same Uni with girl >She says maybe it will be different there Now I'm sitting here, wondering what I did wrong?
I wonder how much more i can take. How much more any of us can take. But then i realise something. We can take alot more than we ever expected. I mean you guys are here and posting which means you are alive right? Even if you dont have a gf or life isnt all that bad, remember that it can always be worse. And even if it gets worse well take it and keep on living. The ones who commit suicide take the easy way out. The short route. They cheat life. A real man, a strong person lives through all of it and makes the best out of it. The world doesnt need to show you how to be happy. It gives you the materials to build happiness. You are the architect. Do something you have never done before. Try out everything until you find something you like.
>>601762648 Skip to senior year now, we've been dating since i asked her to be my girlfriend a few days after that homecoming. >Prom was approaching us and my senior class was ecstatic >I remembered that i had indirectly told her i'd give her a better night than her sophomore homecoming a few times >I decide i should just plan an early senior prank with my friends out of prom >We all sign up to help arrange everything for prom >It consisted of mostly my friends and i and a few nerdy girls >Decide the nerdy girls may rat us out if they saw what we were doing >Propose we should have group shifts >We would work on the project for an hour after they did >They luckily agree, and the shifts begin a few days after discussing this >Everything is really shaping up >We had gotten better funding for prom with a few new fund-raising tactics like partnering with a few popular restaurants around our town. >The prank was simple >Everyone in school hated this one math teacher >She was a total bitch in every way and just gave us paperwork and played on her phone >Many of our parents had complained and tried to get her fired from the school >But most of us were convinced the principle kept her because admittedly, she was the hottest teacher everyone in the school had ever seen >Kyra especially hated her, for multiple reasons >And we were the ones who got to decide which teacher would be the ones to announce prom king and queen >We decide that she (Mrs. Daine) would do it >She agreed to it, not because she liked our school >But probably because she had always dreamed of being prom Queen, and whether or not she got to be or not didn't matter, this was the next best thing >We split up our group >The stronger ones of us would work on setting things up, and work extra hard to make it look like we all did it >The other half (my half) would work on setting the prank up >We would set it up so that turning the mic on would signal a few robots to dump shit and piss all over her
>Me starting high school >No friends >First girl to talk to me is pretty cool >We are friends >Make more friends >Eventually I come to love this girl >I am girl >She is straight >See her around but are not really close friends >Has boyfriends >Will never work out >Wish I was born male
>>601766545 >There was of course a problem with this None of us knew how to program robots >But we had to do it this way >If we were seen backstage pulling strings we'd be caught, and we'd have to wait for a while just to pull the damn prank >We decide to set everything up, and during school time, find some nerdy kids who were in robotics >Luckily a few of them were damn experts at this shit and knew how to do what we wanted >They said something like "All we have to do is open up the mic and place a chip. But what's in it for us?" >We tell them we'll pay them each $50 if they do it ($150 total) which wasn't much for 5 of us to pitch into >They agree and start modifying a few robots they had already built >They looked kinda cool and were done fairly quickly over a period of a few days >They linked them with the mic, tested it with water, everything was perfect besides the mess we had to clean up >We only had a few days left after that, but everything was almost done >The robots and buckets were hidden high up behind the curtains, you couldn't see them unless you went behind them and looked hard >We knew if we filled them with waste before Prom it might stink the place up and they'd be found >So the day before prom is when we all decided to shit in the buckets and mix it with some piss bottles we filled >It was absolutely disgusting, and i'm glad we weren't wearing anything nice >Everything is set up and we test the robotics without the buckets one last time, still working fine >Attach the buckets so they wouldn't fall after being pushed over, and were high enough to barely smell >Our next problem was if anyone else had used the mic before her, the prank would get someone who didn't deserve it >So we decide to place the prank mic on one of those things you give speeches behind, and place in the middle of the stage where the shit would fall >Attach the main mic to it, and just before the king and queen part of Prom, one of us would sneak around to unplug it
>me at 5 >get surgery >while in hospital get door hanger >future in high school make door hangers >memory that i am making the same door hanger for a child in a hospital that I got >nostalgia >dreams are reincarnation
>>601769544 >Prom night is almost here >Kyra is beyond excited and talking about it a bit too much >I drive to her house in my Dad's car (a Mercedes much nicer than my car) >Her parents take a few pictures of us >They liked me alot, and didn't mind if we kissed in a few of them >Most of them were the normal prom photos though >Drive off with her and meet up with our friends >We're having a great time, but the prank is always in the back of my mind >Everything was alot better than homecoming, but honestly not too much different >The principle speaks about how great our class is and tells us where everything is >Look at my friend near me who was in on it, we're both wide eyed and laughing >Kyra's confused but we keep having a good time >Most of the time we're just dancing or making out, i brought a flask under my jacket and we got buzzed while there >My friend Joe would be the one to pull the cord when she Mrs. Daine was walking up to the stage >Some time passes and i see her going up >Check to make sure he was doing it >He had stayed near it the entire time and started walking to the cord >MyNigga.jpg >He unplugs it, i could barely see him so i doubt anyone did >She starts trying to talk but no one hears her >I tell Kyra, "Hey your favorite teacher is about to talk, you might wanna see what's about to happen" >She looks over, and starts scowling >But watching the entire time, she actually starts to smile as Mrs. Daine was looking around, and at the mic, visually confused >She looks down and finds the spare mic (the prank mic) >She just barely begins to speak >The feces fall has begun >Completely covered in a mix of shit and piss >Half the room gasped, the other half is shouting in laughter (again we all hated her) >I look over at Kyra, her jaw completely dropped, and she turn to me with the largest smile i've ever seen on her face >She put together the pieces right away, she knew i was working behind the scenes, but i hadn't told her about the prank
>>601772257 >By that point we had said we loved each other a few times, but didn't say it often >She basically screams "Oh my god, I love you!" >I kiss her lightly, saying "We should probably get out of here now, I don't think king and queen wanna go upstage" >She nods, and i grab her by the hand >Bring her outside and walk up to a limo >"Charles, we showed up in your Dad's car" >We've been drinking, and i rented this for us >She smiles and gets in as i hold open the door >The driver says "Took you long enough, so where to?" >The Hyatt hotel on anon Street >We keep on talking and making out in the back, most of the time she's just talking about how glad she is that i pulled that prank >We get to the hotel and check in >We're not that drunk, we both wanted to remember our night together, but we got a few suspicious looks >She was kind of old-fashioned by the way >She said she wanted to save her virginity for a special night >I ask her if this beats Sophomore homecoming >"This beats everything, Charles" >We make it to the bed, i'm undressing her as she's breathing heavily, clearly nervous >Kiss her down her stomach, and lick every part of her wet vagina >A few minutes go by and she gets up to switch positions >She was surprisingly amazing at it >Wrapping as much tongue as she could around my cock, doing everything just right >I asked if she had been practicing alone, she grins >We both start getting fully undressed >I ask her if she's ready >She tells me tonight is mostly the reason for being on the pill >Missionary position, i make my way inside her, grunting as she moans >She appeared to be in some pain at first, so i go gently >Slowly speeding up, but over time i'm going faster each thrust, our bed eventually starts thumping against the wall, her moans louder than an airplane i place my fingers in her mouth out of sympathy for the people in the other room >She grabs my hand, seductively sucking on my fingers >I can feel myself ready to cum inside of her
>>601775282 >As i release my load, she begins to quiver >I collapse seconds after, exhausted >I tell her i love her as does she >Falling asleep now, she's in my arms, nothing could be better >The next couple days were somewhat normal >My friends and i were worried about getting caught, but we were only questioned, almost like the administrators were glad it happened >Mrs. Daine never showed up for work after Prom >We had a different sub in her class each time >Eventually we received a paper that she had resigned, and we were getting a permanent substitute >The class was smiling as they read it >I felt as if i and my friends had done the school some justice >The substitute wasn't anything special though, just your average teacher, which was of course much better >One day i'm studying at home, and i get a text from Kyra >Babe, i'm not sure if the pill worked >She explains that she had missed her period, and has been having the symptoms she read about online >I'm completely shocked >I can feel myself sweating >"Can i handle being a father at my age?" >I tell her i'll come to her house with a few tests >I get there and she takes multiple trips to the bathroom coming out positive 4 out of 5 times >To be honest, i felt happy, but worried >I told her i wanna be a father, but not yet >She said the same about being a mother, but her parents would never let her get an abortion >We work up the courage to tell our parents, each of our parent's were concerned and disappointed, but said they could take care of it when we couldn't so we could live somewhat normal college lives >Adoption wasn't even considered by any of us, i think we all desired to raise the child our way, to not put him or her through the pain of growing up without biological parents
I've never actually told this story but, here it goes. >Be me >7 >Living with grandparents and uncle in a small apt (My uncle and i are pretty close but I don't think I'll be talking about him too much in this story.) >Mom left years ago because of a serious drug addiction >Dad died a month before I was born because he was shot and killed by a rival gang member or some shit (Thanks for making me a beaner, dad.) anyway >Grandpa's a pothead >Grandma's an unstable alcoholic "The cool waters of Mary Jane, Clash with the ever burning flames of Jack Daniels." >In short, they're always fighting >Usually ends up with shit getting broken >Sometimes one of them leaves and doesn't come home for months at a time >They usually end up back together >My Grandpa was the only one with a job, so I have no idea how my Grandma bought food and shit like that when he was the one that left. >I wouldn't be surprised if she was selling drugs >We had two pets >A kitten named Cheeto and a boxer named Romo >Cheeto and Romo were my childhood pets >I have never been attached to anything as much as I was attached to these two >One day, my grandpa doesn't pass his UA and gets fired (Uncle was kicked out about a month before, I was pretty distraught since he was pretty much like an older brother.) >We lose the apt and end up living in a motel for a while (I actually remember sleeping in a car some nights) >One day in December, we get a call >It was my mom.
>>601778448 If you're wondering how my mom found out our number, she was always sending me cards for my birthday. My Grandma or Grandpa probably had a way to contact her. (Continuing now) >Turns out she finally sobered up and wanted me to "Come home." >She got married and was pregnant, I was going to have a little sister >Grandma and mom agreed that I should go >A week later I say goodbye to Cheeto and Romo and go by plane >I'm fucking excited I can't really remember how long this flight was. If you want a refrence, my starting point was Phoenix, AZ and I got off at Boise, ID >Anyway >I finally get there >See my mom after like, 6 years or some shit >Found out that my uncle moved to Idaho after he got kicked out of the apt back in Glendale (Not that this matters because he ends up in prison for drinking and driving while on probation about 3 months later) >Generic happy reunion >2 months later on Groundhogs Day, my sister was born >Her name is Alexis (Two years pass) >Grandma and Grandpa move to Idaho >They brought Cheeto and Romo >I'm pretty fucking psyched >Grandpa starts working again once he's back here and they eventually buy a small trailer >I was happy that they were able to find a home but it was only a day later that Romo died >I wish I had some pictures of him
>>601778579 >2 more years go by >I'm finally living in a normal house >Have an awesome lil sister, I love her to death, man. (pic very related, it's her 3rd birthday) >The guy that my mom was married to was a nice guy >I never knew that calling someone "dad" felt good >One day, dad leaves to go to the gym >He says he'll be back soon >Picks up his duffel bag and leaves >2 hours go by and mom gets a call >She's upset about something after she hangs up and goes to her room for a while >I think dad will fix it when he gets back >4 hours go by >8 hours go by >I wonder if dad went to a friends for a while >12 hours go by >A day goes by >Maybe he went out drinking and stayed the night at a friend's place I know he'll be back later today. >Finally a week has passed >I came to terms with the fact that he wasn't comimg back >Mom is rarely ever home at this point >She's always out drinking >Whenever she comes back she's wasted out of her mind >Mom decides to let grandma babysit for a while but one night grandma got too drunk and tried to keep Alexis. >Cops got involved, and I think a week later grandma got drunk again and went to prison for attacking a dude with a knife >Mom tries to get my grandpa to help out at the house. >He stayed like a month then bailed out to meet some chick he met online in texas. >Since no one was living at the trailer anymore, Cheeto ran away >I was more than upset >Now that everyone is in prison I was sort of a last resort >I'm only 12, and I'm taking care of my little sister >So much for sobriety >At least mom was responsible enough to wait till I got home from school >We eventually lose the house and move to a motel >Mom goes back to doing meth like she did the first time I was left to live with my grandparents. >Eventually the police get involved again, I end up in foster care, and Alexis went into "dad's" custody.
>>601778680 >I was in foster care for about 2 years before I learned that I had an aunt in NewMexico >She said she'd be able to take care of me and I moved there around the beginning of June >I was there for about a month before we realized we didn't like each other at all >My uncle got out of prison in December which was great. >I found out because my mom wrote me alot while she was in prison >I mean yeah, she made things really shitty for me when I was with her but she's still my mom. >I get my uncle's number and call him often because like I said in the first part, he's pretty much my older brother >He asks me if I want to go and live with him and I say no because I'm worried he'll end up in prison again and I'll end up in foster care >My aunt doesn't like me communicating with him >She say's I can't call him anymore because she thinks I'll want to move with him and that it'll fuck up my life >I explained to her that her reasoning was totally illogical and that I wasn't planing on moving with my uncle anyway. >She says something along the lines that I was being defiant, blah, blah, blah >Somehow comes to the conclusion that placing me in a group home was the best solution >She thinks that this'll straighten me out >The group home turned out to be in a ghetto part of Las Cruces >Is it illegal to give someone a bottle of piss to help them pass UAs? If so, then this definitely didn't straighten me out. >Three months later and I'm finally leaving the group home >My aunt's car is out front and the whole time, I'm just thinking, "You'll do better Anon, you got this." >As soon as I get in the car, she hands me a Greyhound bus ticket >She told me that I was going to live with my uncle since I wanted to go back so bad. >I was dropped off at a nearby bus station and that was that
>>601779535 >It was a two day trip from Cruces, back to Idaho >I wasn't sure how to feel when I got back, I was just sort of numb, I guess. >I stayed with my uncle for about half a year >Then grandma got out of prison >Uncle started drinking again >I went to live with my grandma again >My uncle went back to jail only last week but he's only gonna be gone for a few months this time >Now that I'm back with my grandma she's back to drinking again >Mom got out of prison a few months ago and want's me to go live with her again I don't know what to do anymore. This is a vicious cycle and I don't know how to break it. no one knows where "dad" is either, so I'll probably never see my sister again.
>>601778007 >Months go by and life was going alright, but her water could break at any second >I just so luckily was there with her when it actually happened >I gently bring her to my car and drive as fast as i can >She was in audible pain, and i knew i had to get her professional help as fast as i could >Once we get there they rush her to a room >Everything went so fast that i can hardly remember it >But i do remember her holding onto my hand >She was being so strong, looking me in the eye, trying to make feel better by not seeming to be in pain >I look down as the doctors are telling her to push >The head begins to come out, but what was more important was looking her in the eye, even if she was trying so hard to push that her eyes were forced shut >We had scanned for the gender and saw it was boy, but we didn't get our hopes up >The names we chose for each scenario were Robert and Delanie >But the name we chose was Robert, as the doctor exclaimed as the baby made it out that it was "A beautiful boy" >2 years have passed since then and all has gone well >I proposed shortly after the baby was born, just because i didn't want her to feel it was a forced marriage >The wedding was traditional, as you'd expect from someone old-fashioned like her. >My college studies are fine, and i don't need to worry about financial support because our parents are very generous with all of this >I'm 21 and already have an amazing, happy family >My little boy really is beautiful, just him being around keeps a smile on my face while im hard at work or studying as hard as i can >My recently wed wife Kyra attends the same college as i do, and I've never been more in love I always thought high-school would be a terrible time for me, but because of her, high-school was the best time of my life, and because of her I've continued to have the best life a guy like me could have.
>>601780542 But in reality, none of this ever happened; it's 5 AM and i'm sitting here alone, in my boring apartment, dreaming of a better life. Scenarios like that story where just maybe, if i had worked up the courage to just talk to the girls around me, then my life might not have turned out so pathetic I never ended up going to college, i had no motivation, and no one around to keep me going.
So what am i trying to say? Get out there, anon, show everyone you're a great guy. You exist, but not for long, we're insignificant in this vast universe, but if we gain observers, then we become significant to each other. So do what you can to make your life the best it can be, and especially live your life the way you want to, not how others want you to. You can't live a happy life avoiding risks, you can't live happily with the fear of rejection. Because honestly, taking the risk and getting rejected is infinitely better than taking no risk at all and not getting accepted because of that.
You're still young, and you still have a chance, i just wish someone would have told me this when i was your age.
>>601784773 I think you use adobe photoshop take the eyedrop tool, make that the background and place all the images together don't have adobe but i can do it later, i'll bookmark that link, thanks anon
FIND HAPPINESS THROUGH INTERNAL SOURCES NOT EXTERNAL ONES. Therefore you don/'t need someone to be happy and motivated. It's your own fault you didnt amount to anything not the fact you didnt meet anyone
>Be me around 19 >Never had 'real' friends but good life >Nice family, wonderful parents >Living the good life by playing games but never really living >One day walk to busstop >See the most amazing girl my eyes have ever seen >*Writing this down once again instant tears* >She is cold yet looks amazing, feel drawn to her like nothing ever has made me feel >We talk, bus never shows. She throws a fit and I laugh about it >She gets angry and me and makes me fall down into the grass >She starts to laugh but not at me, with me for some reason >I apparently fell down like an idiot >See and hear her laugh, most amazing thing I have ever saw and heard >Her long brown hair has almost turned deep gold into the sunlight >I start to laugh with her >She helps me get up, but is afraid of a spider on my shoulder >Take care of said spider like a boss while hiding shivers because fuckspiders.jpg >She introduces me yet lies about her name, calls herself Monique >We spend day together, laughing, getting to know each other >She is the most amazing woman I have ever met >I would soon find out she was into me as well >Spend large part of the evening together, when I go home she tells me: >*Actual words*: I... Lied about my name, and one day you will understand. >"My name is Ilona" >*Massive tears writing this down. I miss her...* >She was the love of my life, she was everything to me. I spend every waking day with her >Every night, she was my first to sleep with and I was it for her >It was not even sex, it was making love, the best kind >Years pass, still together, life is actually getting better. >Thinking about living together, having a kid, doing same kind of work even >For my birthday she sings in front of over 250 people, her favorite song for me >Girl is not afraid, she's a boss >At graduation party, I tell her to come to a restaurant. >I always, ALWAYS pick her up from anything, even if it was from shoppings More to come
>I did not want her to be alone, she was too beautiful >One day I don't... >I wait at the restaurant, she does not show up >Hours pass, get a bad feeling >Then she calls >Words still echo in my mind: "Help me..." >Pure, primal panic >I start running, run towards her house, need to find her, need to help her >World stops around me as I turn the street and see someone sitting on the ground, its raining >I walk closer. It's her. The dress I bought for is torn, ripped and she is bleeding all over >I kneel down and make her look at me >Doesn't recognize >Starts fighting me, screaming, trying to get away >I withstand all she does, I vaguely register the pain >I keep talking to her, trying to make her see me >Suddenly she opens eyes more and calls my name >She faints, I catch her. >Rape, extremely violent. Would swear to kill the motherfucker who did this. >I start to carry her home >Knee gives in multiple times and it got damaged beyond repair, I can no longer run now >But did not care, all I knew was to get her home >Get her home, clean her, everywhere >Throw up multiple times until nothing is left in my body >Tears even ran dry yet I cry >She awakes and goes to the bathroom >Classic crying in the corner >I wait until she comes out >hours pass >Spend the night with her, she still trusts me. Says I truly saved her. >Three months go by, life is hell >Still spend every day and night together, she does not want me to leave >says I am the only she can stand >Gladly stay by her side and try to make her laugh and smile >When I am alone, even if it was for minutes, crying. Non stop >Weeks pass, she calls me >Only night I had to stay home due to mother being sick >Ilona swore to me that all was fine and that I also had to spend some time with her >maybesheisright but bad feeling
>Still I trust her and go home. >She calls in the middle of night, bad dream. >I ask her if I should come over >She says no, does not want me to go alone over the street at night >Makes sense, she would worry to much >Stay home, talk to her for hours >We actually laugh and have a 'good time' for as far as that is possible >Make plans for next day, she wants to go shopping. >I am happy, she did not want to leave the house for weeks >Tells me she loves me, with whole her heart >I tell her I love her too. >I go to sleep with a smile on my face, something that has not happened in a long time >Wake up the next day, to hear she had passed away.
>Life in ruin, spend months in Ireland tracking around, trying to make something of life. >no friends, no family to support. >Don't care, I might as well die myself. >Never died, but decided to write a book >Never want to get rich of the book, but wanted to honor her name >Wanted to help rape victims, >Wanted her memory to live on >Call it "The Light of Dawn" Tell people it symbolizes that I am over it. (I know its a lie) >It gets published and I feel a bit of happiness, I can still do something for her. >It never gets the publicity I wanted it to have. Not for fame, cause fuck fame >But to honor her memory. Pure thoughts, but once again not succeeded. >Fail her again.
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