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ITT: awkward stories
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
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ITT: awkward stories
> be me
> be 13
> on the subway to school
> it's pretty packed
> a small fat man gets on the train
> looks like he has some kind of learning difficulty
> he stands right in front of me
> think nothing of it
> after the first stop I feel a hand brush up against my crotch
> I dismiss it as just a mistake
> after all, stray hands do wander
> a few seconds later the hand comes back
> this time he goes right for the meat and two veg
> he caresses my penis with his stubby sausage fingers
> hand goes back to the dark depths from whence it came
> about to get the attention of some adults
> when suddenly
> the hand returns with force
> Vulcan death grip on my precious
> I realise what he's done
> he's holding my dick hostage
> shouting for help will risk the loss of mini me
> he performs an intricate squid-like masturbation technique on me
> he's like some sort of dick-wizard
> this man knows his way around a penis
> train arrives at stop
> he sprints off
> stood there with the most confusing erection ever.
are you a hentai
OP here.This actually happened
Please be real OP
I promise it's real. Went to police station after I told my mom. They never found the guy
are you japanese this happens often in japan
No not Japanese
hahahaha nice one, op
Can't really think of some personal awkward shit right now, must've blocked shit out, lol. Here's something about a guy that lives in my apartment, though.

>Be me
>20 years old, living in apartment
>This guy, let's call him E, lives in the bottom floor.
>This guy smells horrible. I mean really, really horrible. He doesn't shower, doesn't wash his clothes, doesn't clean his house etc.
>Always asking me why nobody wants to hang out with him.
>Be honest, offer to help him.
>Claims ''it wouldn't work anyway''.
>Everytime somebody visits they comment on the horrid stench on the bottom floor, sometimes they even direct their complaints towards him when he's walking by, unaware of the fact that he's the source.
>The guy is ugly as fuck too, 20.000 euro's in debt, and has an IQ of below 70.
>Actually managed to get a chick back to his place a couple of months ago.
>He told me she was inside for literally 5 second and left without saying anything.
>Didn't understand why.

Poor guy...

Kinda feel bad for the guy.
>taking public transport
>shit not that kid again
>turn my back to him
>why did I leave my hands behind my back?
>little asshole dryhumps my back - again.
>cn't call for help: they'll think I'm the pervert
>walk home, ass covered in jizz
>can't afford a therapist.
what happened to the fat guy on the train.
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> he performs an intricate squid-like masturbation technique on me
> he's like some sort of dick-wizard
> this man knows his way around a penis
>be in college
>survive on loans and credit cards
>be at grocery store stocking up on food
>bill is 140$
>swipe credit card
>gets denied
>long line behind me gets longer
>I panic, I dunno what to do
>walk of shame to my car without groceries
And ever since that one incident, I cringe every time i swipe my credit card, even if I have $0 on it with a limit of 10k
This is me, always. I earn six figures now and I still cringe when my debit card gets scanned, even when I know I have several thousand in checking. I think this lasts forever. I haven't had financial issues in several years.
Same thing happened to me. Fucking embarrassing.
I think that one of the perks of having asperger is that this happened to me once, and i didn't give a single fuck. Yeah, my debit card got declined, so what? I'm in college and wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Didn't really take long either, so didn't hold people up in the process or something.
>Anonymous 03/09/15(Mon)00:50:57 No.602

>be me
>be 17
>get 7/10 girl to do cocaine with me
>flashback 3 months
>at beach with mates
>find out micheal jackson died
>decide next time one of us does the deed we have to call someone from the beach trip and make a micheal jackson sound while fucking
>flashforward to 7/10 and cocaine
>fucking the everloving shit out of her in the back of my car
>remember i have to call
>ring friend danielle
>put on speaker
>im pullin 7/10's hair and i tell her to call me a spagetti monster
>danielle trying to not lose her shit over the phone
>tell 7/10 to say hello and put phone in her face
>she bats it away
>yell "YYEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEE" as phone hits the floor
>finish on all over the place and slap her and tell her to lick that shit up
>she does happily
>mfw i kick her out of the car in the middle of fucking nowhere
>mfw i have no idea where we are and i just drive off
>mfw she was probably waiting for someone to come get her for hours

>Be me when I was 16
>Frustrated because I learned how amazing sex was but went dry soon after
>Decided to get wet one way or another before the year ended
>A few months later, go with sister to her friend's house because of a weekend pool party
>Place was packed with kids and a shitload of girls
>Most were staying over to continue the party on Sunday
>A handful of guys only as the parents were gone
>Walking around socializing and generally keeping my shit together
>I know most of them because Sis and I went to the same school
>Walk to the bathroom because massive turd won't stop bullying my anus
>Walk in, close the door, and turn around
>Young girl (like 9) is dressing an even younger girl (5 or 6)
>Both are naked as they were getting dressed to go swimming
>Immediately start popping a boner in both surprise and anxiety
>Apologize and ask if I could use the toilet
>The older one says okay but asks me to help them dress up
>Suppress my extreme urge to shit on the floor and squat down
>Inches away from both of their tiny slits as I lift their legs up and pull up their swimming shorts
>Pull over their heads a small t-shirt they had with them
>By now my boner is gone but the memory of their pee-scented holes remained
>They thank me and walk out
>Lock the door immediately and unleash the unholiest shit I've ever had at the time
>Notice they left their clothes midway through my prostate massage and pick it up
>Their panties are there in the bundle; they're stained slightly and look really plain
>Smell them and start getting hard
>Masturbate while licking their panties and inhaling their scent and shitting
>Biggest load ever unleashed into a pair of the panties
>Finish my shit
>Clean my ass and look at the damage
>Toss the panties and the clothes into the toilet after I flushed it and leave
>Nobody suspected me, or at the very least, nobody cared
>Girls don't even care their clothes got wet when somebody found it
>I didn't get laid that year

>Be 19
>Be living in germany
>Go to Schwimbadd (Pool allowing nudity)
>Be in the sauna, just me
>Be chilled as fuck
>In walks a probably 11 or 12 year old girl with her sister or friend i dunno
>They both stripped down and sat in front of me
>They continued to talk to eachother like it wasn't a big deal
>I tried to talk to them but they didn't understand me
>They did some stare flirting, german girls love americans
>They pointed at my dick and made some hand gestures
>I put my hand on my dick
>They kept making hand gestures, like they wanted me to stroke it
>Start to stroke it
>They look on as I do it
>I make hand gestures trying to tell them to do it for me
>They shake their heads no, they were nervous
>I shoot a load
>They freak out and start to laugh and do more hand gestures
>Didn't know what they wanted to I thanked them and left before someone else came in
>I masturbated to 2 underage girls
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>hate shitting in public but have to this one time, feel like diarrhea
>squatting over toilet, cause squatting masterrace
>fucking light is one of those motion sensing ones
>sphincter is twitching in anticipation
>execute oldfaithful.exe
>light goes out simultaneously
>get startled, one foot slips into toilet, I fall forward
>the silent agony of a tubgirl arc of shit in pitch blackness
>dont even know where it went, but felt a speck hit the side of my face
>also hit head on stall
>scream fuck
>trying to get off floor without twisting my ankle, still in the toilet
>look like some retarded animal covered in shit
>lights turn on door opens
>look from under the stall because half laying on floor
>make eye contact with the guy walking in, middle aged, pretty normal looking
>his eyes go wide, nope.jpg.pdf.bin.rar, 360 degrees and walks away
>want to commit sudoku
>with the lights on am able to stand up and clean myself off mostly, shit hit the stall
>run to my car without looking at anyone, holding back tears of butt devastation
>be me last year, senior year
>working on senior project with 7/10 girl who i've known since like 3rd grade
>research bullshit
>send emails with sources/ideas to each other in class
>look at her screen
>in her sent mail is multiple emails labelled "Hey ;)" or "Here you go ;)" sent to her boyfriend
>think they're probably nude pics, better not mention it
>get home late that night
>really horny
>fuck it
>go to yahoo and put "forgot my password"
>put her email
>2 security questions i have to answer
>"What is the name of your mother"
>ofc i fucking know this i've known her since 3rd grade
>"What color are your eyes?"
>she's mexican
>Go to sent mail
>Multiple videos of her vigorously fingering herself each ~5mb each
>Look at her conversations
>Her douchebag boyfriend sent vids of himself jerking his tiny dick
>lol then fap at his gf
when her videos weren't doing it for me any more i recovered her facebook password (she doesn't use facebook anymore) with the same email.
>fb message one of her friends
>"Hey my mom took my phone, don't text me. I need to email you something, my mom can see fb messages"
>she buys it
>go on for about an hour about how "my" relationship with her bf is going really badly and it's because i can't stop fantasizing about her and how i think it's just a phase but i need to try it once and i promise it won't ruin our friendship blah blah blah blah
>send her videos of the girl fingerblasting herself
>she sent me whatever i wanted her to until i ran out of videos to send
>"OK let's never talk about this again"
I am not proud but I thank my past self for the videos of 2 girls I would never see naked otherwise.

> me 18 M
> cousin 12 F
> she was infatuated with me, followed me everywhere
> I was so hot for her I won't even bother trying to find the words
> Over the days of their visit, I'm slowly increasing the touching etc She's liking it
> One night she's using the computer and I'm sitting on the floor next to her, hugging her
> sounds dumb I know but I was holding that tight 12yo body for all it was worth
> hyper drive; ENGAGE
> I reach around further and down a bit to get some fingers under her shorts
> a bit further and they're under her panties
> still no reaction
> I hit gold. I am slowly and gently running a finger up and down her pussy.
> Realise there is still no reaction
> say, "You feel that?" in a calm, soothing voice
> silence.mp3
> I look at the computer screen and she is just drawing random boxes all over the screen in MS Paint.
> Not good. Is her brain broken?
> Withdraw.
>Be with girl Ive had crush on for years
>She finally returns my feelings and things get serious
>Two months in and im at her house. Time for the sex.
>We are both on a couch in the basement. Her family is home but neither of us care
>Getting into it
>Slip my hand down her pants and start trying to finger her
>Not sure what im doing
>Its like a swamp down there
>Wait somethings not right here
>I hear something
>"This is my swamp"
>Shrek emerges from my gfs vagina
>His Shrek penis puts my own to shame
>He bangs gf in front of me and I watch
>I start to cry
>He finishes with my gf and says "its not ogre yet"
>He comes for me
>I try to run but am not fast enough
>His hands are so strong
>He pushes me to the floor and rapes me for what seems like hours
>Mfw I enjoyed it

And that was the day I lost my virginity.

>me and ex used a bike pump to fill our butts up with air, then I sat on her face and farted while she masturbated
>same ex we bought vinyl sheets for my bed and covered each other in boston cream pie
>same ex after period sex we would draw tribal designs on each other with period blood then I would pour milk on her in the shower as an anti-pregnancy ritual. Must have worked because we barely ever used a rubber and she never got pregs
>same ex would fuck me with a stra-pon while I dressed up like a trap.
>previous ex would finger my butt and make me cum on my face

>at a party
>hot friend of a friend is wasted
>9/10 must bag
>goes outside to puke or something
>been gone awhile
>friend worried
>I volunteer to check on her
>she's passed the fuck out
>pour her into the back of my car
>"can't find her, she may have wandered into the woods"
>half dozen or so people help me look for her
>she's nowhere to be found
>more people join the search
>drunks stumbling through the woods with flashlights and phones
>slip away, get to the car
>drive the bitch to her house
>still dead to the world
>undress her
>get my rape on
>and again
>and once more
>dump her in the tub, turn on shower and leave
>drive back to the party
>rejoin the search
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>be me
>3/10 and fat
>plays runescape
>3rd line was pretty obvious i know
>be playing rs alone as usual, thieving the master farmer
>another player logs on and begins to thieve as well
>strike up a conversation
>turns out to be a grill
>start using charming lines i saw the the movie frozen
> she adds me on facebook
>actually is 9/10 q t
>leave to wipe cum from keyboard and arrive back
> tell her sorry I was afk
>she says I was only gone for 20 seconds
>mfw cums in 20 seconds and she doesn't even realize
>log out on rs and cry alone in my bed
>2 weeks go past
> mum comes into my room and tells me dinner is ready
>sweet jesus yes I haven't eaten anything since those 4 bags of doritos and 12 moutain jews last night
>get to dinner
> eat it super fast so I don't waste exp
>mum is surprised
>"anon, you ate so fast, you need to digest your food, not everything needs to be hurried in 20 seconds flat"
> hurried in 20 seconds flat
>20 seconds flat
>20 seconds
Am a probation officer can confirm this happens on daily basis
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>be me
>be on date with 8/10 qt3.14
>smell a fart
>shes bright red
>I ask if she smells that
>"y-yeah I, uhh f-farted"
>looks at floor
>she says "sorry"
>I say "thank you"
>she gives me a weird look
>"what do you mean"
>I blurt out that I have a fart fetish
>I don't
>she comes to terms with it
>think im in the clear
>forget about it later when I got to her place
>were making out I squeeze her ass
>she farts
>about to bitch her out when I remember
>we had been dating for weeks and she always farts during sex coz she thinks I find it hot
>i always ignored it
>realize one day that my brain has now associated farts with sex
>mfw i now have a fart fetish because i lied about having one
>mfw i have no regrets
>> be me
Who else the fuck would you be you little cockmongler?
>be you
you should be proud
but this never happened
Listen here CIS scum if tumblrites
Can have fifty identities of gay why can't i?
Thread replies: 34
Thread images: 6
Thread DB ID: 44743

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