I'm in a horrible spot, /b/. I've been in a dark depression for about a year now, although it's been there for as long as I can remember just less so. I can't get out of bed. I have no motivation to do anything whatsoever although I have an urge to be successful. I know without a doubt it's my addiction to a legal substance that mimics opiate affects. I've been taking this stuff since my young teenage years and I'm 100% dependent on it and mere hours without it leaves me in a horrible state. The withdrawals are just too horrible for me to handle.
So my question is, do any of you have experience with antidepressants? My dr suggested this may be a good route (he doesn't know about my addiction) but I expressed my concerns of the typical antidepressant zombie stories. I'm also worried about having a medical record with a history of depression related medication, I don't know why. I figured this may be a good route to help get away from addiction and then slowly taper from the medication.
How did you feel before and after medication?
I'm on an antidepressant...been on it for decades. Some of the first ones they tried left me feeling fuzzy and also put a metalic taste in my mouth. What I'm on now has no such side effects and it's helping me keep from feeling anxious. I'd highly recommend finding what works for you and staying with it.
You might find taking a herbal supplement of 400mg of curcumine will work for you too. Get the kind that's been concentrated using a Longvida process as it's been proven effective during human trials.
I've been researching the proper way to get off for years with no hope. There is the "Thomas Recipe" used with traditional opage w/d, but that doesn't help with the soul crushing depression and anxiety. Since I was 15, I've only taken two breaks from this shit to totaling about 5 weeks and I'm 20 now. It's called Kratom and there is a misconception that it's non addictive and doesn't cause w/d. It's horrible shit.
I feel as though the only I will be able to kick it is if I can get a small script of some medication for anxiety, motivation, sleep, etc and ride it out for about a month or two. That would require me to tell my doctor about my addiction and I'm afraid of having some sort of mark on my med record.
Thanks. Do you feel as though you lost your creativity or happiness from the little things in life? I'm worried about that as I already have with my addiction and I want to feel true pleasure in life instead of a constant numbness mixed with depression.
Also, I've been taking Theracurmin and fish oil for a few months now.
i know all about the thomas recipe and tapering off various opiates and non opiates. ive kicked vicodin oxycodone, opium, methadone, and suboxone. the worst being suboxone. the depression gets worse after you finish the initial withdrawls, but in time will subside. taking anti depressants might help you deal with life in the short term but ultimately will destroy your ability to be happy and enjoy life. tough it out for two months after you kick the stuff and you'll start getting some ambition back in your life, if you start antidepressants you can kiss that goodbye
No loss of creativity. I'm not doped up a bit. It did take a while to find which antidepressant worked best for me. It's a pretty low dose now. My doc says it's hardly at a theraputic level, but without it I'm a hard person to be around.
Once the antidepressant allowed my endocrine system to rest, I got back to my normal energy level... it was so bad at one point I would be fully exhausted just trying to get dressed in the morning.
I'm in marketing so I'm a pretty creative person in several different medias... Life is good and I'm a happy person with a sharp sense of humor.
>hmm I'm severely depressed
>Most likely from the drug I'm addicted to
>How do I help myself?
>I'll talk to my doctor about getting on another drug as well!
Look OP, depression can be your body telling you that something's wrong and it needs a change. If you have a legitimate addiction it wouldn't surprise me at all if it was the source and taking an antidepressant is just soothing the symptom, not attacking the cause.
You're in a really fucked up spot now though because when you try to quit that drug, the depression that you have will get worse, and it will keep getting worse for a long time. Then it gets a little better, and a little better, until you don't need your drug. Most times it's an impossible fight to have by yourself. You need someone to hold you accountable when you give in. Consider talking to someone you trust about it. Consider talking to your doctor. This is the only life we have, there is no go around. You can't be promised an afterlife. I absolutely hate to know that people throw so much away because they have to go through some pain in order to change what they're going through. There is some pain in all change, but it brings hope, too. When those moments of hope come,remember, it was you who worked so hard to get there. When life threw you down a pit of despair, you made the light at the end of the tunnel. You can get out of this mess. Don't be afraid to make decisions. You're at a pretty low point in life, there aren't many place left to go but up.
>taking anti depressants might help you deal with life in the short term but ultimately will destroy your ability to be happy and enjoy life.
Having been on antidepressants for several decades, I have to totally disagree with that statement. From time to time I would get it in my head that I was "cured" and didn't need to antidepressants... I'd taper off and after a few months it was clear they were doing something good for me.
I'm a far happier dude on my meds then off.
>Any side effects? What medication if you don't mind me asking?
I'm on a maintence dose of 20-30mg of Paroxetine. I have no side effects...not to say that your body might act different.
>Why do you need to be happy? What's wrong with just being? Life's supposed to be sad sometimes.
I don't take antidepressents to "be happy", I need them to keep my endocrine system in balance. It's really not about "mood" it's about bringing the body back in balance after it's gotten so far out it can't find its way back...
That's one of many symptoms for clinical depression, by the way. Depression isn't about being "sad". It's a constant feeling of despair that stays with you throughout each day. You don't want to do anything. Interacting with people on a basic level feels like you're trying to climb a mountain.
i dunno, i just dont feel like shit is worth doing, not really sad or down, just kinda grayzoning it, i didnt know that could even cout for depression, i just allways figured i was a lazy fuck
>We are trying to help OP improve his life.
>Not gain another addiction.
I'm a very bad patient because I really don't like taking any drugs at all. Yet I've found some are necessary...at least until I can' find something more natural to take its place.
That's why I've been researching a derivative of the Turmeric herb called curcumin. Human double bind studies has shown Longvida curcumin at 400mg per day works better then some antidepressants. The nice thiing is the curcumin also does several important things to give a person a more alert mind and help thinking... I may be giving this a try very soon.
>i just dont feel like shit is worth doing, not really sad or down, just kinda grayzoning it
Feeling "flat" is a common way of describing depression. The color has gone out of one's life. There is a shortened version of the Beck cognitive test you can find on the internet and give yourself a self-analysis.
Depression is more common than the common cold. Many people drift in and out of depression during their lives. Some live much of their lives in a low-grade chronic depression and never realize it.
have any of you actually considered convincing yourself something normal makes you happy?
ive just decided(i legit didnt care before) i love feeling weather on my skin, weather its the biting cold of a blizzard or the smooth caress of sunlight and shadow.
>wait, if i feel uninspired to do shit im depressed?
>even if im not sad?
Well put. In fact "sadness" is not a symptom of clinical depression, but being demotivated like you described it, is very common.
>have any of you actually considered convincing yourself something normal makes you happy?
>ive just decided(i legit didnt care before) i love feeling weather on my skin, weather its the biting cold of a blizzard or the smooth caress of sunlight and shadow.
I enjoy tons of very small sensations and tiny events. It's not so much of "convincing myself" of something, but when I was deeply depressed the problem was often *sensing* the things around me to enjoy. Clinical depression changes how the mind uses outside information.
>I'm also worried about having a medical record with a history of depression related medication
Dude, practically everyone in the US is on antidepressants
>In 2010, over 24.4 million prescriptions for generic formulations of fluoxetine (Prozac) were filled in the United States
>In 2011, it [Sertraline, aka Zoloft] was the second-most prescribed antidepressant on the U.S. retail market, with 37 million prescriptions
>so wait, feeling down is a disease? why aren't we curing anger and jealousy and hatred then?
Anger and jealousy and hatred are emotions that arise out of wanting the world to be different from what it is... clinical depression is feeling the world is different than it is... the latter can lead to the former, but not necessarily.
A lot of people try to fight addiction all their lives and go from one substance to the next. It can be easier for some to just accept that their mind wants an addiction. Try to take up a creative art or hobby... substitute your addiction to something bad, to being addicted to something that you might just start to get good at one day.
>>I'm also worried about having a medical record with a history of depression related medication
>Dude, practically everyone in the US is on antidepressants
Well said. While clinical depression is a mental disease it is not classed up there with most of them. A friend of my is a practicing psychologist and had been on a antidepressants as well as some other strong phychotropic meds before starting a medical practice. It's not something that stays with you like a felon conviction.
>A lot of people try to fight addiction all their lives...
So true, those people have what is called an addictive personality. While it can be useful in the sense they are often "driven" to succeed in what they do... it's no fun to be "driven" through life... It's dysfunctional.
>being in love also helps miraculously...
It's a distraction from actually dealing with a root problem. Eventually the other person gets tired of pumping you up. you become a drag on their life.
>Other disorders *can* fuck your employability though
If one's mental stability is highly important, the employer can determine for that. Drug tests do not test for antidepressants.
Sure, I understand it's probably irrational of me. I have a real fear of being in some sort of "system". I had a legal issue in my youth for simply being in the same place as someone and it's caused a real paranoia of being in some sort of system even though that record hasn't followed me into my adult life, there is still some sort of database with my name on it for law enforcement. These are two different things but I still get the same feeling.
At this point I feel as though it's a battle against me getting over my fear and maybe feeling happy and creative again. I really want to enjoy the small things in life and have the motivation to flirt with girls, do well in my classes, make meaningful connections like I used to. Now it's just one day after another with no real motivation other than 'down', and it gets dark.
>not a chance
>ive never done too little
>ive always done too much
I'm not sure I understand what you mean there.
What I was saying was that we often distract ourselves from doing what we need to do...even if we have to manufacture a crisis or a relationship to do so.
I have an anti depressant right here=
i feel stupid :P
i guess youre right
never really thought of myself from that perspective
i guess i probably have some of that in me, but honestly im quite content with life as it is so i dont feel the need to change anything
>Sure, I understand it's probably irrational of me. I have a real fear of being in some sort of "system".
It likely is irrational, but that doesn't make it less scary. Clinical depression brings about several cognitive distortions... one of which is "circular thinking" which stymies taking action... "this has to happen so that can happen" and on and on. I've been there, it's a hell of a mind game the mind plays on itself.
I remember clearly when I realized I had been clinically depressed for so long that I was in danger of not remembering what "normal" felt like.
You can still remember, as you mentioned, which will be the thread that will draw you back to health.
Tell your doctor or go to rehab you fucking gook. If you try and fix everything on your own you're just going to kill yourself eventually. Its your doctors job to keep you healthy, how are people this retarded in 2015, probably all the drugs you're fucked up on.
Don't be so awful!
OP is in the though place where he/she is trying to use a faulty mind to "figure out" what to do... In that place, with the mind actually lying to the conscious self, thinking is not easy at all.
That's what you get for trusting and relying on a Dr to "fix" you. These modern day Dr's are nothing more than big pharma drug dealers with an agenda to get you hooked on big pharma pills.
>the doctor is just going to give more drugs... only legal ones
That's possible, but a good doctor will monitor the response to the drug and trade it out for a different one if the first doesn't work. Which antidepressant will work with a particular patient is not determinable any other way.
I told my GP that my goal was to get off the antidepressant as soon as possible. Over the years I kept trying to do so, but the symptoms kept returning. I've finally realized that since I have no bad side effects and the meds do help me function in a normal way, that I need to just realize that's how my DNA or endocrine system functions.
Your doctor only suggested anti-depressants because he doesn't know about your current addiction. Creating a cocktail for you to become potentially dependent on is not a good idea. You should tell your doctor about your current addiction, if you still want to go the medication route. Otherwise I would start taking steps to try and ween yourself off the current substance you're abusing or submit yourself to a rehab facility, if you have access to one. Moral support from family and friends can help, but ultimately it comes down to your own willpower. Wish you the best of luck, truly.
no one ever wants to hear the truth...