Getting caught fapping/close call stories?
>I never leave the house people ask me if i want to go place cause i wanna watch porn.
>mom leaves to go shopping
>get lotion and some paper towels
>find a video of my liking
>really start going at it
>suddenly hear the squeak that the frond door makes
>turn my head around, lock eyes with me mom for what feels like ages.
>get the idea that if i run now she might not think i was fapping
>bolt off,dick swinging gracfully with each bound
>forgot to take off headphones, the cord get's ripped out.
>"OH YEAH POUND MY SHITTER, TEAR MY ASS UP BABY!!!" blares through the speakers conveniently left on 100%
>my mom starts trying to close the video
>it's one of those pages that prompts you a bunch of times about leaving it
>she just turns off the computer fuck she can't into them
>i have chosen where i shall make my last stand
>lock the door to my bath room and lean up against the door
>minutes pass then she comes and knocks
>"Hey anon, can you come out here. i need to speak to you"
>stay really quiet so maybe she'll leave
>two hours pass with her knocking every 10-15 minutes
>she manages to open the door somehow
>proceed to have the more awkward conversation about how masturbation in healthy and natural and shit
>dad comes home
>them both get drunk as fuck and decide now is the time to have the second more detailed bird and the bees talk
>that night i heard my parents talk about shit that i wish i could just repress already
>be me be 14
>sleepover at cousins
>everyone in backyard playing and i just woke up
>start to fap before i start my day
>think nobody will bother me so shorts are down to ankles and im spread like im giving birth
>jerking furiously hearing my female cousin scream from the pool
>fantasize im fucking her
>im frozen stiff with fear
>my aunts friend is shocked and says sorry she was just looking for towels
>she is obviously staring at my cock now and around 10 seconds pass as we just stare in silence
>she comments im growing up quickly
>another 5 seconds passes im dead silent and turning beet red
>she closes the door and i can hear her tell everyone from the backyard to keep it down and not bother me as i am still sleeping
She was 38 and single. I think she was flirting with me but didnt really notice until years later
She seemed to flirt with me a lot
the only other one i have
>get home from school
>tell mom i'm going to take a nap
>start my pre-nap fap
>mom opens my door without knocking
>awkward eye contact with my dick still in my hand
>slams door shut
>wait for like an hour then i went down stairs
>at first we are both silent
>i say "so i guess from now on you'll knock huh?"
>never spoke of it again
I jerked off in my parents office on take your child to work day when I was 14. At the time with a raging boner I thought why not let one out. I shit you not anon, right as I came, my parent opened the door and walked in. I faked sleeping in my chair to hide the boner. Luckily they didn't notice.
>be maybe 12 or 13
>Mum comes in to say goodnight, turns off my light
>after 5 mins start fapping
Going at it pretty hard
>door bursts open "anon I forgot to tell you'
>12vie brain tries to think up a solution
>call out "Mum, I had a pin in my bed"
because thats a totally smart and good explanation right?
>mum wont come in untill I say it 3 or 4 more times
>comes and checks my bed
>walks out without even a good night
>I hate myself to this day
>Fucking pin in my bed, I was a fucking moron
>be 15 looking at porn
>major boner achieved
>no one home fuck yes!
>talking dirty and fapping
>oh fuck YESS
>mom kicks open door
>she is wearing Doc Martens
>jump out of chair
>do three backlips
>cum in mid air!
>stick the landing
>cum lands on face
>mom moonwalks out of room
>falls down steps
>has life insurance
I started masturbating at age 6
I remember the day clearly I got caught
But not that. My thing was we had "the talk" with my parents. They told me it was okay for me to masturbate because then nobody could see me touch myself but only under the blankets and I had to wash my hands after
well the dumb shit I am I would take my blanket with me everywhere I went and masturbate under it. i remember my family coming over and me under the blanket for 20 minutes thinking nobody could see my ass
This went on till I was about 9 going on 10. dont rememmber the specifics but i remember a female cousin notice me masturbating and was grossed out. it was then i realized
"OH SHIT IM NOT INVISIBLE OR THIS BLANKET DOESNT CONCEAL MY FAP SESSIONS"
yeah im sad
At least they told you about it. My parents never talked about it. Not a single time. I'm now 20 and I've had 2 sex partners and the first time I only knew what to expect from porn and porn is extremely fake
how do you get off in a bathroom?
i feel like im at the doctors with the cold toilet seat against my ass.
not fap related but what the fuck
>at my dad's house for the summer
>baby sitting niece for some weed money
>she gets to watch one hour of tv a day
fast forward two weeks
>niece is ready for her tv time
>she watches the same one for days at a time
>taught her to turn it on and press play
>go to the kitchen to make lunch for us
>"hey anon this isn't my movie"
>i think that it is near the end so she hasn't seen that part and thinks it's not her moive
>"just skip back to the beginning niece anon"
>walk into the living room to help her
>she is skipping scenes in a porno that me dad apparently left in the dvd player
>run over and take out dvd
>can't think if where to put it to cause the least amount of embarrassment for my dad and I
>place it under his pillow
>all day niece was asking me questions about the things she saw on the video
I've never been caught but I've essentially "caught" my father. He's just too socially inept to realize it.
>be 12 or 13
>wake up early on sunday to go to [pretendspoiler]church[/pretendspoiler] with my mom
>all the bedrooms on 2nd floor of home
>computer is downstairs
>dad always woke up early even on the weekend because he got up at 3am for work
>go downstairs with mom
>see dad sitting in front of monitor
>see tits on the screen
>was fullscreen so I guess he didn't have time to esc and x out (as if he knew ctrl w)
>fucking flips the monitor around
>I skip past him as if I'm playing some pretend game and don't even look in his direction
>mom too slow to notice
>probably unplugged the monitor
>mom asks what he's doing
>oh I'm just fixing this
Bullshit dad, bull fucking shit
And many other times
>dad now has a laptop in the basement
>whenever I go downstairs his pants are unzipped
>if I walk over to him he's just staring at yahoo, the home page
>I've watched as he's deleted his browser history right in front of me
As if I don't fucking know dad, as if I don't know...
That's the funniest thing I've heard on /b/ in agss
posted my story in a panty thread but I'll post here too;
>hanging out with slutty chubby gf one evening with her loser friends
>she drove her friends back to their house and I stayed at her place.
>we were planning to have sex and I've been hiding my hard-on for hours now waiting for these bitch friends of hers to leave while we all watched some fucking movie in her room
>I'm looking at my gf's laundry basket with her underwear hanging out of the sides
>as soon as she leave my pants are down and I've got a pair of her underwear wrapped around my cock, furiously fucking them.
>I'm going through her underwear enjoying her scent, holding one pair to my face while I'm on my knees taking turns fucking different panties she's worn throughout the week
>gf came back and caught me masturbating
>that's how she found out about my underwear fetish
>she laughed, and I was initially startled, but she told me to keep going.
>I told her to take off her panties
>she takes off these sexy silky bikini style briefs that I put on my cock.
>they were soaked through, and I almost broke my dick going 85mph masturbating.
>I shot my cum into her dirty underwear and it poured out the sides and dripped onto the pile of other dirty panties I had used.
>She came over and licked/sucked the cum off my dick
I miss that crazy whore.
I was with this woman for a couple years before she cheated on me. The sex I had with her was nasty and crazy and indescribably wonderful.
>one day she wants to watch me masturbate with her panties
>I'm doing my job making her happy
>she gets up from fingering herself, with a brilliant idea
>goes to her underwear drawer
>holds out this navy blue thong
>she's a size 13/14 which translates to about an XXL
>tells me to put them on
>why the hell not, first time for everything
"turn around and show me that ass you little bitch" she says to me
>turn and she slaps my ass
>pulls them up and drives the thong deeper into me
>grabs my dick from the front, rubbing me through her panties and suddenly feel her tongue on one ass cheek, then the other
>she pushes me to the bed and lucks my throbbing cock through her panties.
She was completely fucking crazy and this is just one of the few times I wore panties. I couldn't bring myself to do it after we split up.
>one day my crazy girlfriend is showing off these new panties of hers
>they look a bit snug, the sexy flower print on white panties wedged into her sweet fat ass
"do you like me new panties?"
"they look small but that's sexy as hell"
>she peels them off, pussy juice dripping from her into the crotch
>starts jerking me off, these things are amazing
"you like my cute new little panties? You like my pussy juice all over your cock?"
"yeah when did you get them?"
"I actually borrowed them"
"these are my little sister's panties" she tells me
>her sister is 'in high school' and a small but well developed little cutie.
>boner goes super saiyan
>gf can tell I'm suddenly harder
"oh you like that, you fucking pervert? You like having me jerk you off with my little sister's dirty panties you fucking creep? Why don't you cum in my little sister's underwear so she's walking around wearing your semen and my pussy juice you fucking pervert?!"
>her dirty talk was some of the best you would ever hear, and it didn't take long for me to shoot more cum than I've ever produced into those sexy little panties.
After that she used to steal her sister's underwear all the time. I don't know if she ever found out lol
Last two aren't really related but shit was hot. I miss that bitch
I have one like this.
>wake up at 2 am. Walk into kitchen to get a swig of milk
>hear porn on low volume
>look around the corner and see porn playing on huge tv. The back of dads head above his armchair.
>remember that time I was asleep and dad slapped my face
>grab tea towel from next to fridge
>wind it up like a roPe
>creep up behind dad
>wrap tea towel rope around his throat and pull back like an assassin.
>rhaaa rge fuhg fuhg
>dad is jumping around and screaming. Dick in hand
>'you're using up all the internet dad'
>what are you doing. Get off me. What the fuck is wrong with you? That hurt my neck you fucking idiot.
>creep back to bed
>I always rolled off a batch while standing, taking a shower
>Hot water makes me horny
>Get boner, need to fap
>Use shampoo for lube
>It fills my urethra immediately
>The burn pushes me over the edge
>Cum all over the shower floor
>Slip in semen-water mixture and split my skull open on the faucet
>Mom discovers my waterlogged, bloody corpse with dick in hand hours later
>be me, 14-15, really fucking drunk and high
>get home after party, 6PM-ish
>lay on bed, decide to start beatin it
>wake up 10 minutes later to my mom and sister poking their heads into my room
>"hey anon wanna g-" OHHH
>close door quietly
>mom gives me talk about if I'm whackin it, to fucking put my pants back on and that I'm lucky my dad didn't catch me instead
Still haunts my dreams.
My dad came into my room while I was spanking my monkey.
>go-go gadget penis retreat
He doesn't notice, lays down in bed with me to talk while my blanket is covering my pre pubescent phallus. Awkward as fuck man. I'm 18 now, and still ashamed.
Anyone get caught cuz they fell asleep midway?
>be me about to fap
>really hot to get nude and take off blankets
>start to fap
>wake up in morning im covered and my clothes folded near my bed on the chair
>mom and dad bring me breakfast and giggling
>Be me 15
>Dad keeps couple dvds in luggage bag in basement
>Dad goes out for a bit
>bring big ass bag into room to choose which movie to watch
>hear front door, heart racing
>pull up pants and try to put bag in closet
>dad comes in bag clearly peeking out of door
>dad would have had to be blind not to see bag o porn
>most likely didnt say anything to avoid weirdness
Be me at 14
>fat and got no ass
>no tv. No games. No phone for whatever shit i did
>mom was asleep and dad was out
>wii with internet browser app
>turns on lesbo porn
>pluGs headphones into tv to enjoy moaning in surround sound
>about to hnnnggggg
>door flies open
>hit home button on wii causing screen to dim
>dad says. What are you watching anon
>so scared of inevitable beating
>confused at how he got in
>in shame i press the home button again closing the menue
>father sees chick getting eaten out
>ragemage level 100
>takes wii and explains to mom
>think anon. How can you escape?!
>both come back enraged
>i cry in hopes they will pity me
>dad slaps me hard as fuck
>mom takes wii and smashes it
>mom slaps me
>dad comes in for another slap
>"wait dad not the face!"
>gets yelled at.
>wii never picked up a wifi signal again
My brother is a sociopath. Among his hobbies are torturing insects, telling me about his torturing insects, and announcing private information of other people in our family to everyone. On multiple occasions he has ninja'd into my room while I was jerkin the gherkin so he could run around and tell my siblings and parents what I was doing. He did the same to my other brother once and, just a couple years ago, dug around in my room when I was gone, finding mine and my gf's collection of sex toys in the process. I only know this because he told my other siblings everything he found and the more reasonable of them let me know I needed to invest in a door lock.
Is he a homo?
Just as an aside
Ive never caught a female fapping or seen a green text where they got caught
Is it that easy for females to fap or is it because most are very observant they never get caught?
(permavirgin with no friends so not like i had opportunities anyway)
Well I still look for ways to bring up how he tortures insects in convoy with his friends when I visit. Otherwise nah, I don't get off to telling other people what dicks I recently saw.
sounds like an accident that he tried to save you from.
I was helping my dad move shit out of my brother's apartment one day when I saw a bunch of porn dvds sticking out of the open drawer of his dresser.
>took out dvds
>hid them in my backpack
>told brother I moved that shit before dad went to move dresser which was like 10 seconds after I pulled them out
It's not a boundary that is pleasant to cross, but in awkward times you can either abandon someone to the wrath of parents, or you can be a literal fucking bro and do them a solid.
Didn't get caught but i guess it was a close call.
>be me 14 or 15, can't remember
>on cross country road trip vacation with brother and aunt
>8 days in
>haven't been able to fap due to close proximity with relatives all the time
>my teenage body can't handle more than a week without fapping
>brother driving, aunt in passenger seat
>i'm behind drivers seat
>have a pillow i always bring with me on vacations because i use it between/under my knees when i sleep because its comfy
>have this pillow on my lap
>aunt is reading a book, brother focused on driving
>put left hand in pants underneath pillow
>pull dick to my left through my boxers
>initiate stealth fap
>must've been making noticable noise (was also pretty quiet in the car)
>aunt turns and looks at me
>i don't waiver or move at all really
>she turns back after a few seconds
>continue stealth fap
>slightly before cumming i was thinking of how i would deal with the cum
>nothing comes out because my boxers were squeezing my urethra near the bottom of my dick
It was a complete success.
>working at a very slow food chain
>is working with another guy
>told my co-worker I need to go poop
>goes to bathroom, faps away
>co-worker knocks on the door while opening it
>saw me fapping my soldier intensely
>awkward moment.. me sweating, don't know what to do
>not even buddies with this guy
>he tells to the boss the next day
>after 2 days got fired
>found best porn ever
>have pants round ankles
>oh shit .Jpeg
>hear mom coming up stairs
>furiously try to pull pants up
>mom bursts in
>lock gaze for 5 seconds
>spurt out "erm I found a scary video and peed myself
>she "bought" it
> be me
> watching Dexter on Netflix
> mom walks in and a hardcore sex scene comes on out of fucking nowhere I could have predicted
> casually switch tabs and everything's fine
> decide "fuck I can't miss the scene"
> rewind back
> Mom walks in again at the same exact time and sees it this time
> she says it's okay and walks out
> everything's normal
>Wife goes out for meeting
>Time to fap. Pulls pants down and
>Starts wanking in front of computer.
>After a while hear key turn in lock.
>Luckily have folder of our personal
>photos up. Pretend I got so horny
>that I had to masturbate to our
>photos. Mfw porn still running in
>background. She goes out into.
>kitchen. Close everything down at
>the speed of sound. Got away with it.
I hope i grow up to be as slick as you anon-senpai
Technicaly a close call story.
Growing up me and my step family all learned to hate the youngest step sibling, his mom was trash, he acted like trash and in general was always full of shit...
One incident happened that put him out of the house permanently... I was woken by my sister screaming bloody murder just before school one day.. she came flying out of the bathroom naked with a q-tip in her hand. Odd, but no reaction from me. I'm used to seeing her undressed in some stage or another. (no incest)
She bolts directly for mom standing in the kitchen and waves a pair of brown q-tips under moms nose, covered in shit. hours of interrogation ensue... youngest step sibling stuffed em up his rear and put them back in the container. He gets practically disowned, sis dodges major ear infection by narrow margin. I go to school laughing my ass off and only see lil twerp once in the last 10 years.
Had somwhat fot he same experience when i was about 14 years old. I didnt have the option to run. Instead, i had to listen to my mom talk about what kind of degeneration of women i was contributing to, with an unsolved erection. I rember that i plead for a way to have this talk later, so could make myself deacent, and disnt have to have the talk with an erection. Was fucking awefull. Have asked my mom about it later in life, and told her how shitty she acted. She just told me she could not remember.
At the time she was in the middle of a divorce with my father, who acted like a huge dick, so she channeled all her built up misandri towars me.
there is still a huge generational gap when it comes to sexuality. It's hard to imagine, but there are still people who are morally outraged and terrified of anything more exotic than oral sex. The mere thought of anything doggystyle and beyond is frightening to some people- he might be a 45 year old dude from a different, but slowly disappearing time.
haha, my brother has to deal with this shit and his wife just turned 21... but she's extremely jealous, even of pixels and has once mentioned feeling jealous about my SO, even though he's absolutely not interested and its well known.
So she directed all her anger and bitterness towards her son who she is supposed to love. I hope an apology came with the explanation from her or it isn't worth shit.
Did she look at your hard on much?
Did you get revenge by seeing her nude? Masturbate while sniffing her underwear etc. Normally that sort of behaviour would make you seem like a pervert in my eyes but i think you deserve a free pass if you did.
>have a stuffed bear with a hole cut in it.
>fire blanks into it daily with my wee pee
>be humping it on the side of my bed one day
>mom opens the door
>Sees my head sticking out from the side of the bed
>throw it under my bed instantly and my wee goes back in my boxers like a startled prairie dog
>"what are you doing anon?"
>"Looking for something."
>"OK, well I cooked dinner."
>I go grab dinner, lock the door, then come back and finish
>fapping in bedroom
>spill seed on my stomach
>lying on bed, naked from the waist down, semi-erect, feeling awesome & disgusted
>sister walks in
>"dinners ready anon"
She never reacted at all. Not one bit
fast forward 2 years (16 now)
>fapping on my computer chair with a condom on
>dad walks in,
>"dinners ready anon"
mfw my family could never just yell from the kitchen.
fast forward 8 years (24)
>living with GF, still enjoy a good fap when I know she's out and wont be back for a while
>She's at Uni and I have a day off so
>I get completely naked, lay on the bed and find a good porn on the laptop
>get lube and I start going
>She comes home early
>no time to cover up so I I just lay there holding my dick
>she catches me
>but she wasnt mad.
So we fucked and it was bretty gud.
same here, my first hardcore wank, was in the bathroom and locked door, like half an hour later.
floor with cum everywhere. gotta clean that shit before leaving.
porn is impersonal, there's almost no chance you'd ever even see a porn star RL unless you lived in Vegas. Rubbing one out shouldn't be a deal breaker unless there's serious insecurity issues.
>parents dont know Im gay
>parents show signs of homohate
>Never clear browsing history because they never would check it
>Grab my laptop to search some shit for my dad
>hovering over me while Im signing on and shit
>Never closed the gay porn I was watching
>Dad sees the gay porn and freezes.
>we both sit there while the thumbnail of a guy butt ramming another sits there on the screen.
>Parents are completely fucking ashamed and it made my mother cry
>Try to convince me that Im not gay I'm only confused
>lmao im gay as fuck
>just moved in with mom
>late night 3 am
>jerkin my gerkin
>mom comes barging in my room yelling at me to kill a spider
>Quickly pull up my pants but only even to cover my dick, couldn't get above my ass.
>Eye contact to the max
>Proceed to have a normal conversation for like 2 minutes
>She just stands there looking at me for fucking ever
>She lingers for no reason, all chatting was done and dead.
>Felt like 2 years before she left
She was hammered and I'm almost certain she wanted something to happen. Not the first time a sexual situation has happened, Walked in on her showering once and she offered for me to join her and she walks around in a thong and a skimpy bra half the time with slight touching.
If I had a mom fetish I would've been a lucky boy but nothing ever happened because I had a stable gf and I didnt want to be the weird fuck who fucked his mom.
>staying home from school
>rent room from lady that's always in some other country
>her daughter is usually here though
>she's a chubby 6.5/10 with a massive ass and sizeable tits
>she always wear these shorts way too small for that behemoth of an ass
>afternoon of anon's day off
>want chips to accompany hajime no ippo session
>hear what sounds like a sex scene on TV on my way down
>get closer to the stairs
>realize that it's not the TV
>moans are coming from the garage/her room(lmao)
>last of stairs are really creaky so I stop going down
>realize that it's landlord's daughter's voice
>she's going ham and cheese
>moans are extremely loud--she sounds like an obnoxious pornstar
>realize that she thinks I'm at school
>can't tell if she's masturbating or getting drilled into oblivion
>boner can't wait
>fap to the sounds of her screaming
>rush upstairs to blow load into tissues
>she's still fucking going and it's been 7 minutes
>go to room and acquire phone
>get as close to her door as I can and record the juicy sex noises
>get her climax of screams
>stay upstairs and keep track of the noises downstairs after
>she was alone
>screaming like a baboon
If I had managed to get down there and convince
her to have sex, I'd basically have a fuck buddy at home, no strings attatched.
halp pls how do I turn her into sex slave
It being personal or not is irrelevant. It's the act of expressing feelings of desire, lust etc. You can call it insecurity, but I would feel the same way, so at least we are on the same level. I think we both realize that physical attraction to others is inevitable, we just keep it out of the relationship, some sort of mutual respect.
I wrote that a while ago but never had the opportunity to post it. I have an update though. I totally found her fucking vibrator the other day. I wish I wasn't a beta. There's probably some set of words an alpha can string together to totally get her to fuck the shit out of them if they were in this situation.
I dont know why but this made me lose my fucking shit oh my god
>be me jerking off on the couch to figure skating
>mom comes downstairs like an idiot I'm just in the family room
>anon what are you doing?
>oh i was just scratching
>fully hard penis completely exposed
>finished anyway when she left
>sitting on couch with boyfriend
>sudden uncontrollable horniness
>boyfriend on the phone
>go into the bedroom, get vibrator
>boyfriend walks in, "oh..."
>mfw he didnt fuck me
I'll fill you up with more sperm than you can handle m8
I like in US. On my way to work. Sorry, anon.
>kick moms bedroom door open
>furiously beat dick with hatered in my eyes
>I wrap my dick in her hair again
>she wishes she could just die
>I'll never let her
>sister walks in and I spray cum all over her
>fapping to some fugged japanese shit i randomly came across
>computer is in the corner of room with screen facing door
>suddenly stepdad barges in without knocking
>"your friend is on the phone"
>just stands at my door for 15 seconds holding phone out
>my boner wouldn't fuck off
>makes me get up and take the phone from him
>awkwardly walk across the room with my dick bulge bouncing around
God damn that was awkward.
>parents go out
>decide to look up porn on the smart tv
>months later mum asks how to watch bold and the beautiful on the tv
>i go on the lounge both of them sitting on the couch to show them how to do it
>search results show
>big letters saying anal penetration
>i think oh shiiiit and hide the fact that even showed up
>feeling like im going red with embarassment
>look at mum and dad they seem like they saw nothing
They definitely saw it im fucking certain of it.
Next day i waited until they went to work and cleaned the browsing history.
When I use to smoke weed I'd get tired after the fap to the point of Nutting and going into a coma, I'd wake up jizz still on my shirt and oozing off my stomach onto the bed... I get caught eventually in my post fap state. Not much to say to my now ex gf at the time still had the porn up on the computer.
>be at a camp in the mountains
>stay in a 2 story house
>big common room upstairs, everything else downstairs
>everyone out playing
>find hot girl's panties laying around
>start fapping furiously
>reach point of no return fast
>hear someone coming up the stairs
>pull up pants
>put back panties
>start to walk towards stairs as if nothing happened
>cutie girl comes in the room
>she says hi and we make small talk
>I'm cumming in my pants as I talk and watch her in the eyes
>the thought still gives me a boner
Twice this kind of shit happened
>Find FHM magazines
>continue to do so for weeks
>fap dick raw
>start using weird melon scented lotion
>dick burns horribly, but the stinging feels sorta good
>realize bathroom smells like artificial honeydew melon and salty jizz
>floor is sticky
>fapping was as loud as a b-52
>realize family must know I'm up to something
>fapping to luscious Lopez getting ass split
>bro just pushes open door
>changed tab in time
>gets close like a faggot
>"whatcha doin anon"
>kick him in the chest
>"gtfo you fucking cock sucking faggot"
>gets mad and says "were you fapping? I'm going to tell mom."
>be at school
>hot chick hugs me and starts rubbing my shoulders
>dick is starting to go into overdrive
>she smiles flirtingly
>rubs up next to me
>run to bathroom in between classes and bust a massive one
>dick is still leaking and red hot
>she notices that I'm walking weird
>says its ok
>go home and use my dick and hand like a mortar and pestle
I have lots of close calls stories, byt I think this is. a good one
>be wannabe intellectual
>obviously superior of classmates but still retard
>been fapping a while now, began with curiousity wikipedias puberty page and snowballed into watching brazilian anal and fapping 3 times a day
>get in the shower
>shampoo my hair, wash up quick
>"time to fap"
>wank it real well for a few minutes
>annoying as fuck 6 year old sister walks in
>"Anon *some shit i cant remember*"
> open shower curtain a bit to hear over the water
>nude boner in full view of her
>to this day i pray she didnt see my cock
>get home from church with family
>waiting for aunt to come over so we can do family lunch/cake/etc
>go upstairs to bedroom
>take off church clothes
>hanging them in closet
>hear loud laughing from outside
>see neighbor girl and friends sunbathing next door
>woke up late that morning so didnt get fap in before church
>decide to get quick one in
>pull computer chair over to window
>pull dick out of front hole in boxers
>watch neighbor girls
>cum within few minutes
>lean back in chair
>lay head back, eyes closed
>spend a minute massaging softening cock in after-fap bliss
>stand up to get roll of paper towels out of closet to clean up and get dressed
>notice door open
>had forgotten to close the door
>standing there in doorway was little cousin
>she's staring at my cock poking out of the hole in boxers
>her eyes dart up to meet mine
>share surprised 'oh shit' look
>she darts down the hallway and back downstairs
>she avoids eye contact rest of day
Had an ex who told me she got caught by her dad once.
>she was like 8
>doesn't really know what she's doing
>Feels good though
>Dad walks in
>Dad quickly walks out
>Dad never really says anything to her
>Dad is dead now
> Be 15
> sleep on couch in living room because didn't want to share bed with little bro
> 11 O'COCK AT NIGHT
> everyone is asleep
> penis shaped cloud covers the moon giving me the dick signal
> furiously start jerking at a speed so fast it puts sonic, superman, and the flash to shame
> about to cut but something is wrong
> energy reserves depleted
> pass out with throbbing manhood in hand
> wake up at 12am covered by blanket
> freak out a little
> thing one I don't use a blanket when I sleep
> thing two, I don't remember putting my dicksickle away
> throw back covers its hidden
> pants zipped up
> confused but safe
> hour or so later dad says if I'm gonna jerk it I need to put my dick back in my pants
> doesn't click
> hours later *CLICK*
> MFW I realise my dad put my dick back in my pants for me
> MFW can't jerk it for like 2 months out of fear.
This is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life.jpg
The tears are streaming down my cheeks.jpg
AS IF knocking 0.5 seconds before opening the door does anything! like that just defeats the purpose of knocking in the first place
but then they are like "well at least i knocked"
how could you ever look him in the face after that?
>be about 10-11
>over at my dad's GF's place, playing with their kids and vidya
>they're all little girls so they lose interest in vidya to go play barbies or some shit
>dad's getting stoned with GF in another room I'm pretty sure
>figure "fuck it" and pull out my dick
>jeans are loose enough I don't have to unzip or anything
>laying on the couch whacking it
>suddenly ninja dad creeps in the room
>saw his shadow just in time
>fucking arch my back to get my pelvis high enough to get proper angle
>manage to finagle my dick back into my pants
>dad sees me flailing on the couch
>keep flailing and pretend I'm having some aspie freakout thing
>"anon cut that shit out"
>don't think I finished that day
don't use shampoo as lube holy fuck it burns
>there is still a huge generational gap when it comes to sexuality.
You don't actually believe that do you? Hate to break it to you kiddo but every sick twisted thing you've ever seen was done six ways to Sunday before you were even a sperm in your daddy's ball sack. I think maybe your mommy just played dumb with you so you wouldn't find out she was an anal slut who could fit a hoarse dick up her poop shoot. Seriously, melinials have contributed 0 to anything ever. Miley is Madona's mini me. Lady Gag Gag is Janet Jackson's mini me. Twerking was actually made popular in the early nineties. It was known as the booty clap. You probably weren't even alive when internet porn first appeared. Seriously, your post might actually be the most retarded thing I've ever seen posted on /b/.
>Be pretty young (13-14 I don't remember)
>Come home and watch porn before parents get home on the upstairs computer
>Didn't hear dad coming up the stairs
>freak out and jump in to the bathroom because I don't wanna get caught with my dick in a sock.
>Dad makes it to the top of the stairs and sees computer
>Laughs, says "Oh good, now I know you aren't gay, get dressed when you're done we are meeting your grandparents for dinner"
>Never talk about it again
not really getting caught but...
>fapping in bed
>clean cum up with bedspread
>crusty patches start to form
>dog begins to jump onto my bed and furiously lick blanket
>he literally does not stop
>one day brother comes into my room to talk to me
>dog follows in too and begins to lick the cum crystals on my sheet
>"Gee anon, aren't you going to stop him from doing that"
>"I've tried but he won't stop. I don't know why he's doing it"
>getting ready to fap
>searching for porn
>mom walks in
>cover dick at mach 4 speeds
>mfw im pretty sure my mom knew what i was doing
>mfw i still do and i havent been caught yet
I'm fapping while my gf is at work. It's late. She doesn't like to fuck as much as I do, especially after work cause she's all whiny about her colleAgues. So I'm whacking and then gonna go to bed. She texts me :
Omg. Omg. Something happened at work.
I reply, you okay?
Yeah ill see you soon
I figure it's more petty bullshit. Keep whacking. She comes home before I cum. "Hi hun. What happened at work?"
Turns out her client choked to death in front of her. She's really rattled. She looks after brain damaged people. I'm like damn baby. Stay up with her even though I have to work tomorrow. We spend a few hours talking. Okay it's bed time. I go back to fap since I have to be up early and it helps me sleep.
When she caught me whackin to porn after she told me a handicapped client died in front of her. Icy cold man
>parents sleeping, time to fap
>start going at it, fullscreen and no sound (i didn't have any headphones)
>mom bursts in to room
>hide cock under my shirt
>huge pussy being pounded on screen, didn't have time to close
>start cumming in my shirt while my mom is yelling at me to not waste electricity
>she leaves me just sitting there red as a lobster with a cum'y shirt and porn playing in the background
Never get caught since im a fucking pro. Anyways when i was 13 years old i had to show my older brother (he was 18) some shit, i closed a tab un my browser and then out of fucking nowere came a porn webpage i left open about an hour ago. he started laughing his fucking ass off and my sister walked next to my room and he said "hey, sister, come here" and she told him it. They started asking me things and I didn't tell shit but I was laughing so hard, we all were
>just came home from church
>parents super christian
>pull down my pants and search for "rape porn"
>my mom comes in screaming
>mom tells dad and he gives my ass a whooping with a belt
>pic related, his face when i only got harder after each belt smack
>mom and dad bring me breakfast and giggling
>Be me, 14
>Just getting over the flu, not been able to sleep and staying home from school.
>Find London Keyes furiously sucking a dick at 5am
>Close door and commence fapping
>Door is less than a foot from computers and stairs are 10 feet away from said door
>Have my toliet paper ready to catch all the possible children I'm about to unleash
>Mom opens the door to see London taking a dick down the throat and me covering my dick with toliet paper
>She freaks out, sin and shit
>Just look at her and say, "Mhm, yeah" and shit as I slowly close the door
>Be me, somewhere between 18 and 21
>stll lived at home, everyone's asleep, I decide to watch some porn and have a good fap before bed.
>watching some black slut get pounded 8 ways from sunday,
> UHH UHH YEAH UHH UHH FUCK ME, UHH
>The volume is relatively low, But anyway, 5 mins into the porno I hear a knock on my door and my mums voice say "Anon, turn that off and go to sleep"
>didn't say a word, lost boner from awkwardness, decided to instead watch some random crazy shit on youtube and bestgore.
I'll add my mum is FUCKING NEAR DEAF like ANY other time.
was having sex with a blow up doll in a public park and i hear some lady call out for someone to call the police. so i ran away as fast as i could.
>Have my toliet paper ready to catch all the possible children I'm about to unleash
Heh, I do tha too. makes clean up so easy, but I end up layering 20 pieces because otherwise it leaks through. I don't know how you niggas use like a single tissue.
As for me? Not sure if I have ever been caught, but I'm pretty sure after finishing once I got up and my door was ajar, and the worst part is I used to be really obsessed with creating a realistic setting, so I would make my pillows and blanket into some makeshit torso and pussy and pound it while I watched porn on the floor with my headphones on. god I hope no one saw that shit.
I've been kind of caught a few times, but I just stop, so no one noticed
I guess its easier as a girl, no big jerking motions, I just rub my clit with two fingers, with my legs together.
I did have a stupid "I'm under a blanket so no one knows" experience which I'm ashamed off but my mom never said anything, no way she didn't know.
>download cp from kazaa,was curious
>fap,cum harder than the Niagara falls
>Next day come home from school
>dad starts random conversation about how cp is illegal and how you could go to jail for it
>be scared,delete all