/b/ I’m in dire need of the assistance of perhaps some older or just experienced anons. I am a very young male who has a myriad of psychological/emotional issues that seem to just be the perfect amalgamation of negativity to ruin my life. I’m severely depressed, almost constantly. I’m insecure to the point I avoid social contact and don’t leave my home just so I don’t have to be looked at by people. I’m unmotivated in almost everything I do. I have been unable to maintain a relationship on any level. I wish to improve myself so that my insecurity either fades or reduces, but my issues with motivation & depression throw my ambition out of the window before I get to make any real positive changes. I would have killed myself by now had I not have an amazing family who doesn’t deserve a faggot son killing himself because he was too selfish to think of anyone but himself. That, and I’ve befallen into a large amount of money recently. I don’t know what to do.
I feel lost, yet can’t ever seem to find a way out. I don’t give a fuck if you suggest medication, drugs, state of mind advice or just stop by to call me a colossal faggot. I’m just trying to stop hating myself, because I’ve wasted four years of my youth sitting inside alone & I fear that it’s going to be the biggest thing I regret when I am older.
I’d also like to state that I know I am an idiotic kid, and that I know that I know absolutely nothing about life. That is why I’m here. Feel not only free but know I want you to ask questions or maybe give your opinon on my situation here. Thank you for reading.
Search Alan Watts on youtube. Have some knowledge eggs cracked for you. Btw, your image is awesome and I'm totally using that for one of my RPG monsters.
Will be reading up on him as you two suggested as the thread continues.
That image is very interesting. I appreciate you taking your time to post. Also, if I may ask, why are you creating RPG monsters? Or at least finding inspiration for them.
volunteer and help others, with a focus on kids and the elderly. I know it sounds like bullshit, but all you need to do are some anonymous donations. The cash does wonders for them, does more for your soul, and you don't really have to work at anything. You just feel better.
I found, that in order to get my shit together and get out of such a horrible mind-state like yours; I learned to take a step back and observe my actions and feelings right in the moment as they happen and then question why I feel or act in such a way.
>Sexual History: None. I find it's pretty easy to obtain a partner if I'm in the right state of mind for it, but am too insecure to ever actually have sex. I have backed out of it multiple times. Instead of thinking out of feelings of escstacy and romance all I think out of is insecurity and fear of judgement in those situations.
>Body type: Tad above average height, a tad chubby.
>have you taken meds before?: No.
>Employment/education: I obtained my GED due to being bullied in school, I felt at the time that I had no choice. Due to how much money I've fallen into, I have projected that I dont need to go to college, but still will for the experience, that and learning is never a bad thing. No employment, I don't really need any at the moment.
I have never seen a psychologist. I am one of the most reserved people in existence, everytime I try to speak about myself I choke up and stutter.
Hey there OP. Used to be in a similar situation, but I'm doing better now.
Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? I have a few that I can lose myself in, it always makes me feel better.
What kind of music do you listen to? I used to listen to very dark, angry, depressing music. I thought it made me feel better, but it was really just reinforcing my depression. Music can greatly affect your mood. Sad music will make you sad, happy music will make you happy, etc.
What ultimately helped me was just a change of environment, but I understand that that's not always possible.
Well, I have a very vivid imagination. If you'd like to post a contact detail I'd be honored to give you a bit of creative idea jolting for absolutely nothing that may help the progress of your title. It's utterly up to you, though.
I help every single person I can. In fact, it seems like I am the only person I seem to not be able to help. I donate to charity almost every day now.
I will never see you and I will never meet you. But you seem to be an educated, reflecting and friendly person.
maybe traveling abroad might help you to "find yourself"
I have copied what you said, and will most definitely attempt to employ these thoughts when necessary. Thank you for posting.
I am appreciative of your kind words, germanfag. I'd also really love to visit Germany, and plan on it. I'm in the process of learning your language now. I also agree that while it may not be a definite solution, traveling abroad could very well be the catalyst to finding the incentive to change myself.
Wow, you guys are posting much more frequently than I had imagined. I will check out everything linked, but obviously can't do them all in this thread as I want to extensively obtain the information you all have been so kind to hand out.
theres a great alan watts vid on jewtube called
"alan watts, what we are"
im 47 and youre describing me
it never goes away, and i believe its because we have vuilt around us a society that is fake, based on material things.
its difficult to let go of what is safe, but you have to throw yourself i to it. BETTER tO GO DOWN IN FLAAMES having fun
another interesting readss.....
if you have money and can do whatever you want.
go and live in bali for a year and see if that dosent change you
Haha, I mean I am using the Numenera books to make a story line to play through. If you have a good imagination, there are lots of people who would really appreciate a GameMaster. (Someone who comes up with a story to play through.)
Oh man dude. You're so much better off than you think you are. Here are some things I hope you can remember and follow.
1. You're better off than like 95% of the world. That sounds stupid, but anytime I feel like shit I stop and think "at least im not a woman in the midle east, at least Im not black in Alabama, At least I have all my legs, arms etc. At least Im not Schizo. Just remind yourself that.
2. You have a body that will allow you to attract women. You're young enough that you aren't set in your habits, still too young to really be hitting the gym, but go for runs and lift a few weights at home to stay in shape. Buy two 20s,25s and when you can curl and lift those, get some 30s.
3. If your family is loving and supportive for the love of god talk to them man. I was super depressed when I was 17-18 after I moved out and my life turned to shit. I didn't realise how much I relied on my mom for support. So talk to them, work out some issues.
4. You're in the lucky position to have money. See a psychologist. I did this for about 8 months to get my shit together. Im not gonna lie its awkward at first, but then you realize they're not there to judge. Most psychologists love talking to people and helping them out. I really can't stress this enough how much it helped me to talk to someone an hour every other week. No judgement anon, seriously. Its such a liberating feeling to tell someone your deepest feelings and not have to worry about it coming back to haunt you.
5. Take a year off, take 2 years off. Don't go to college until you're a bit happier and more comfortable with who you are. I think the best thing you could do would be to find 1 friend you like and travel with them. No one knows who you are, you can end up on a beach in Thailand making small talk with people until you feel comfortable to join them at the firepit.
7. DO NOT drown your sorrows with drugs and alcohol. Honestly stay away, its too easy of a crutch to develop.
Don't loose hope OP. Do you draw, play music or do anything like that?
Buy a huge swat of land somewhere and plant loads of trees. Buy a sailing boat and rent it out for research as a non-profit. Start cleaning up the earth in some way. While everyone around you is involved in their little bubble the world is getting fucked up. You don't do it to get recognition or because you're supposed to or it's the good thing, you do it because it needs to be done.
7. Don't isolate yourself. The term "get out of the house" exists for a reason. My brother is 31, on anti-depressents, and plays vids 24/7. He's isolated himself from society and it has only made things worse for himself.
8. I forgot to mention, research the psychologists. Get help from your parents. There are people that specialize in anxiety, depression etc. Go for a session, if you dont like that person try someone else. It can take 3-4+ people till you find someone you feel comfortable with.
9. Be honest with yourself. Not the "Im so lame I cant talk to people without being awkward" Thats defeatist. Take the emotion out of it and analyze yourself objectively. What are you worried about? Is it realistic to worry about it? Why do you feel this way, and what would make you feel better? I suggest reading a few self-help books and starting a private journal. Write down your thoughts. Then revisit them 1 day, 7 days later and try to learn about yourself.
Never give up hope anon. You're young. I've been there man, I still battle it sometimes. But before you know it youll be a few years older and wiser with friends and feeling great about yourself.
Money? Money only makes a miserable life more comfortable.
>I fear that it’s going to be the biggest thing I regret when I am older.
Then do something about it.
Take a shitload of vitamin B12/Niacin. A few studies showed that it helps alleviate depression, and you can't OD on vitamins; there's never once been conclusive proof of that rumor since it's been around.
You are the master of your own mind. Being depressed and feeling sorry for yourself is easy, that's why so many people do it. Maintaining connections with people, creating lasting friendships, meaningful relationships, those are all the things that are much harder and require more effort, but they're infinitely better than being a sad boo fuckity hoo of a man.
Set goals, on a flowchart if you have to, but set them. What ONE goal is most important for you to achieve? Figure that out, then figure out the other, smaller goals you need to realize in order to attain it. Give your life purpose, and you won't feel so worthless.
Took me a long ass time to figure that out. I'm goddamn 30 and should have been doing this since I was 20. I've utterly wasted a decade of my life and I'm still kickin. You can manage from where you are, you just have to take the initiative and take risks.
I am absolutely terrified of living to 47 and feeling the way I do. I do believe putting myself in that frame of mind was the mental shock I needed to finalize my consideration in visiting a foreign place as recommended earlier, so thank you. The best time is the present time, hmm?
Oh, I apologize for my ignorance on the subject. Either way, I used the OP image because colossal creatures absolutely terrify me, so make sure you create that monster profile well kek.
I wholeheartedly understand that my life is in no way as bad as millions of others, and I absolutely adore, am fascinated with, and admire people whose life situations are worse than mind yet seem to find happiness in them.
Also, I'd love to talk to my family about it, but I don't want to burden them with their damaged faggot son. They have quite a few issues of their own, mine isn't of that level of importance to where I'd willingly bother them with it, I believe.
After hearing you say the awkwardness fades I'm a bit more open to the idea, I'll look around. Thank you anon.
I think I will travel with a close friend of mine, I had considered going it alone before but now that you're putting it into plain text I've changed my mind.
1) nice trips
2) I've made music before, but find that I think everything I do is shit and can no longer get out of that mindset to continue.
>I help every single person I can. In fact, it seems like I am the only person I seem to not be able to help. I donate to charity almost every day now.
This is good, but be careful, I once hoped that I would get happiness through others and was routinely dissapointed. You gotta remember that people are self-serving and rarely thoughtful. I am the nicest person I know, not trying to sound like a dick its just the way my parents raised me. However over the last 2 years Ive tapered off the stuff I do for people. Its easy for people to take advantage of nice people, dont get trapped by that just to make friends or have people like you
Dude they are your family. They will make time for you. They want you to be happy. Trust me, if they knew how you were feeling inside they would want you to share. I obviously don't know your situation, but if they're at all like you (they must be since they raised you) theyll be happy you shared and even happier to make you feel better.
I am very thankful of your posts anon, you've given me a wealth of information to consider. I'll be archiving this and rereading it multiple times. That goes to all of you, thank you.
I'll most definitely start out with a goal and branch out from there. Thank you, also, I'll look more into the vitamin point.
That information is very relevant to my situation. Thank you.
I am almost certain that their solution would most probably be a church visit, or a talk with the pastor. They are quite delusional religious, and I don't even have an issue with religious people so saying that is definitely objective and unbiased on my side. I will try to ease into it, though, because they are my parents after all.
I actually just started the series. I know I'm a pleb.