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ITT: fucked up things you have done at any...
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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ITT: fucked up things you have done at any job and got away with

>stole a hard-drive from a customer during a move
>reset customer's routers without permission
>burned movie film at a movie theater (the MAMA MIA movie)
bump to keep alive

will post story soon
bampity bamp
bump for interest
I work at a vets as an apprentice. I injected a syringe of air into someone's cat and it died kek
> be me
> be working for Halloween store
> be asst. manager
> getting paid minimum wage but getting 35 hours
> decide this is not enough
> remember what general manager told me about them not keeping rack of inventory during the season
aww yis
das some anarchy shit nigga
>burning an ABBA movie
I hope you burn in hell too
>Be Wal-Mart employee
>Get "coached" for some stupid shit forgot to punch out for a break"
>write news article exposing how environmentally unfriendly Walmart is just throwing recycling in the normal garbage which was true
>submit unanimously to all local newspapers
>2 newspapers pick it up and run story
>campus newspaper front page
>they suspect but cant prove
>article was penned with an anagram of my real name
>theyre too stupid to figure it out
>ask me if i know my own anagram
>have long talk with me about how green they are
>that's nice
>more laughing
>kept doing a half assed job for another 6 months until quitting

I quit there like 5 years ago but I still grin and laugh at the managers still there whenever I shop there. Fucking tools on a power trip. I make 90k those faggots make like 45k and work way shittier jobs.
pizza delivery boy,

same guy buys every week- no tip- usually half of payment is in change even though he lives in a nice ass house

get fed up- sneeze on his pizza, finger my asshole and rub it into the crust, place boogers underneath toppings...

protip: dont be a faggot to pizza guys
>be 15
>hanging out with sketchy kids
>they know i can work on dirt bikes and ATVS
>"were gonna steal a 4 wheeler tonight okay?"
>im down
>we go to guys house who we think has a 4wheeler
>find it in his shed
>hes sleeping in his living room while we take it
>push it down the street
>start her up and cruise
>we took turns ripping it up in a big field all night
>ditched it behind the guys house in the woods after we were done
>be geeksquad
>be alone
>hoard customer nudes like life depended on it
>great selection
>Mostly lightskinned black chicks
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> the store would lease properties only during the Halloween season. it helped lower cost of overhead
> realize they wont even check the electronic inventory till the end of the season since shipment is random any ways and they don't actually send us what we sell out on.
> hatch plan
> decide that I will tell people that if they pay with cash I will give them free shit as a manager. >scanned some of their shit some I "forgot to scan" and they would either tip me or give me the difference
> made it clear they could only come to me for this
> since I was dealing with mostly Hispanics they were all down to keep their mouths shut for the deal.
once shat in the freezer of a grocery store
lol that's fucked up, anon. You got some psychopathic tendencies.

Nothing because I'm not a lowlife faggot.
I worked at a home improvement store. I got to be really good at fucking off.

>go outside to the lumberyard with a sheet of paper and pretend I'm looking for something
>walk around inside with a sheet of paper and pretend I'm looking for something
>walk around in the upstairs storage area with a sheet of paper and pretend I'm looking for something
>tell a customer, who I don't want to help, that I'll be right back
>tell a coworker that someone was asking for him where that customer I didn't want to help was
>have quickies with an unhappily married woman from another department in the upstairs storage area
I mean, I amassed a collection as varied as pornhub, I just got bored with it
>baggage handler for major airline
>always check duffle bags for cash
>one day about 100k in cash
>take about 40k
>worked at penneys/primark
>started stocking and selling sweets
>I constantly stole them
>managers knew it was happening but couldn't find out who/how
>I used to steal loads of other meaningless shit because fuck you primark
>Also wacked off in the toilets for 20 mins every day on a paid toilet break lmao

>work in grocery store
>have fucked 2 diff girls in the store while I was on the clock.
>not given a fuck and cut outrageous deals for customers
>worked freelance online job while at work
>Eaten free meals for entire weeks at a time.

Gotten away with tons of small shit thats a mostly grey area. will tell stories if there is interest.
I've probably got a couple

>work in landscape maintenance, mostly trimming trees
>just me and two bros on this day, Oscar and a new kid helping us who we call Jman
>have to remove a very thick (probably 8-10" in diameter) branch that was hanging over the yard from the shed
>we begin shearing it down, then the big cut comes
>clear out area next to shed, prepare to drop this massive branch
>out of fucking NOWHERE an orange cat bolts through the yard when the branch falls
>replay the slow motion memory of what just happened, trying to process it
>panic ensues, look to bros
>Jman is freaking the fuck out
>cat has a collar, its the neighbor's
>bury cat under shed, continue cleaning up the tree

Never heard anything of it again. Still feel bad for the cat however
Go on
>first job
>be 16
>work at Laser Tag place
>All cash business
>work ass off every day for $7 an hour
>work with no breaks, understaffed, long hours
>doing amazing job with great service, never call in sick, never go in late
>middle aged Muslim manager leaves business - he was aight'
>new head manager comes in
>some 19 year old muslim sand-nigger with a douche car
>cuts all my hours
>hires his friend who takes all my hours and is a useless sand nigger twat
>hires is even more useless ugly arranged marriage wife
>even less hours, more work
>had enough
>start skimming tons of cash
>hes so stupid it's so easy
>untraceable scheme
>one day he leaves safe open because he's autistic dumb
>over $2000 in cash
>play this smart, take $400 and give my colleague $100 to keep her mouth shut
>scamming thousands over 3 months
>retard starts to realize he's getting scammed (probably from his bookkeeper)
>starts calling people out for stealing
>I'm good at poker
>lay off and start destroying the video game machines
>microchips are expensive to replace
>thousands in losses
>fuck this shit, quit while I'm ahead
>quit and never come back
>come back months later and scratch up his car.

what do you want to hear?

about the grills or about my financial gains working there?
> DM is known as Dave the Halloween troll ( even made a song about him)
> had so many customers I was averaging about 150 to 300 in cash to take home a night.
> employees catch on and want in on the action
> tell them they can sell " gift bags"
$ 20 small bags $30 med bags $60 large bags
> w/e you can fit in the bag you can take
> ???
>make mad profit
> all employees making money
> mfw DM wants to give me a promotion as manager since the store is always clean and sales are high
> turn him down because i don't want to be that much of a slave for an extra 2 dollars an hour
> mfw we all get an award because we have top sales in the district.
> mfw the last day of work no one showed up to load the truck and the asshole DM had to do it by himslef
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ALL big companies are like this. They all pretend to be "green" and shit, but they just don't give a fuck and only want to suck more money from their customers by following trends. Well played anon.
i've stolen a lot from a lot of jobs but the worst thing i did and the only one i felt bad about was shooting up in the bathroom while i was in charge of watching the kids 6m-12 yrs in the daycare center of a local gym.
you arent entitled to a tip. its a cultural thing and in most cultures pizza delivery douchebags dont get a dime in tips since people know YOU GET A FUCKING PAYCHECK. "nice house no tip? oh let me fucking RUP SHIT BOOGERS AND GERMS ON YOUR PIZZA". youre a sack of entitled shit who doesnt deserve a tip. fucking cunt.
Kek you probably got some poor mother fucker murdered
Confirmed booger eater
Working for anyone other than yourself is shitty as fuck, I don't blame a single person who has done "fucked up shit" at there job unless they are already a goddamned CEO or upper management.

alright ill start with financial cause they are shorter. to preface the way i get away with most of this shit. the store often has gaps in managers being there, especially at nights. during these times they leave a "trustworthy" employee whos been trained in charge. I often fill in at these times.

>two summers ago and last summer had a bunch of shit to sell
>spent two 8 hour shifts just packaging shit id sold on ebay using company supplies and shipping labels.
>getting paid to sell things on ebay for profit

>have friend from college who freelances as writer for online websites.
>he doesnt get a lot of work but during this one particular instance he had 3 articles to write and hadn't started.
>dumb shit partied all weekend
>offers to outsource one to me and offers to pay me what he would be paid. (argument was that dropping the article would be too detrimental to career, and writing a good one would be worth in references what he would have gotten paid)
>200 cash for a one page article
just incase someone tries there internet wizardry i dont want to say exactly what it was, but it ended up getting published online.

I will say it was a multi page article and it was about the business industry.

funy thing I asked him why he trusted me to write it and his logic was because I got an A on most of the papers i wrote in the college history class we had together. (It was a baseball history class no joke)

to clarify he did the research and source material.

I just had to write a coherent piece for him.
>asshole drives 130k dollar luxury car. >Complete jew and always tries to scam dealership so he doesn't have to pay for any repairs.
>always makes a scene when he doesn't get his own way. Acts like a 12 year old.
>Total douchebag, entices serious rage when ever he comes into dealership.
>go up to his car, stick his gear selector up my ass. rubs ballsweat and crotch stank all over interior of car. First and only time I stuck something up my ass and never felt so good.

>Lost $900 cash
>Using company credit card for personal items everyday
>Broke expensive items that belonged to business/customer.
grill stories:

>first time i had sex at work
>blond sloot
>just turned 18
>weve been flirting constant
>go through typical rigamarole about talking about fucking
>she admits she finds me sexy
>exchange nudes
>5'10' athletic build,
>perky tits, c cups with small nips
> huge pawg ass (she ran track and played volleyball)
>sent me nudes from all angles
> finishes with snap video of her fingering herself moaning my name
>send her a dick pick
>her response "omg its huge" (lol 7 inches not even big)
>i started spilling a little spaghetti at this point
>tell her her mouth looks sexy, ask if she would give me head
>she says she would probably choke
>tell her good, i like it that way

forgot the funiest part of the text exchange
>send her first shirtless pic
>word for word response "omg I didnt realize you were so toned, I want you even more now"
>work at casino parking cars
>boss vending machine
>has every snack nd drink ever
>takes fucking credit cards
>spaming buttons while buying drink 1 day
>drink comes out
>money comes back out
>try buying another drink and spaming same button
>spits out another drink
>spits my money back out
>clear the fucker out
>go down to the other valets with like 20 gatoraids/cokes/vitiman waters/oreos/chips/etc.

also while working there
>check all niggers cars for drugs
>find bags of weed/coke/bluts/pills
>wtf are they gonna do

>steal 1-2 quarters from every car
>park 100 cars
>25 more dollars a day in my pocket

>be there late night
>smoke weed/drink beers with other degenerates
>ended up hooking up in a mini van with other valet chick
>watched 2 of the valets beat the shit outa eachother

it was pretty lawless. only time i got bitched at was for selling weed to close to the building.
lol i imagine you as a fat angry man that loves shitty delivery pizza. you prolly dont get much pussy and also you have bad taste in food.

anyways back to the work shit:

>be next night at work after nudes event.
>she works until 10, I work until ten
>less than 5 employees in store after 9 (we close at 10)
>close up at 10, all employees gone
>she waited for me without even asking
>joke that since we are the only two in the store we should go to the secret place i was talking about (forgot to meantion this b4. we were talking about fucking and I said i would show her an office that didnt have cameras. its this upstairs office that no one uses or really goes in from when the store was privately owned.)

>she says to lead the way
>go up, its dark but there is light shinning in from a window that overlooks the store from the second level
> start making out
>my hands wander
>down her pants, fingering her inside her yogas
>start pulling her clothes off, so many fucking layers
>get her down to sports bra and thong
>ask her if the sports bra is the secret to how her tits are so perky
>she laughs.
>i guide her hands to taking off my pants
>she pulls them down
>hands feel like melted butter on my dick
>gonna cum just from her stroking it as we make out
>fuck that
>move her hand, pretend like i just wanted to finish taking clothes off.
>fapped everyday in the office toilette
>I even fapped on the lawyer's chair while I was alone in the office
>browsed all the case files for the lulz
>photographed some of them

Another job
>drank all the beverages in the brewery
>get drunk while work and beer delivery

>tfw no one ever figured out
Some poor cunt is now fishfood, but fuck it: 10/10 would do the same thing and laugh all the way to the bank.
>Worked in the deli at a Publix.
>Literally pissed in the freezer all the time.
>I'm talking 1000+
>always hydrated so it just looks like a big ice puddle/chunk.
>No one ever found out.
Thats what he gets for being a sandnigger
The stories here are work of fiction, remember?

>take off clothes
>shes running her hands over my abs as i am pulling off her sports bra.
>best tits ive ever seen besides being just a tad too small. but so perky
>tell her she should make good on what she said she would do for me
>she kinda looks confused for a second
>tell her "get on your knees"
>she slides down and immediately starts sucking as deep as she can
>holy fuck it feels so good
>grab ahole of her hair (done in a braid) and stat thrusting into her mouth
>again gonna cum, cant let that happen
>pull out, tell her to stand
>pull down that thong
>tell her to bend over and hold onto the wall
>slide in slowly, she lets out a little whimper as i do
>start thrusting, feels amazing and she is really tight but for some reason her mouth felt better so not in danger of cumming
>fuck her doggy for probably 5-10 minutes
>have her lay back on the desk up there
>fuck her missionary
>about 10:45 at this point, realize im still punched in and it will be hard to explain
>should probably finish up
>fuck her hard and fast for another 5 minutes until she cums
>tell her to get back on her knees

epic conclusion up next b!
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years ago, replacing a processor at work. 1 too many pins. Cut it off. Computer boots and works.

Also jerked off in a hospital bathroom. And fingered a nurse in a closet.

meah. Nothing too exciting.

Amerifat detected
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>work at old movie theater with only one screen
>cut the film roll every slow night when there are less then 10 people inside
>give everybody a refund
>I can go home earlier
lol fucking valet fags, ill have to hide my weed when i go out from now on
I don't agree with what you did, but at least you returned it.
> can't greentext
> femanon
> know the rules
> business trips in London
> meet DM
> accidentally open his 100k range river door onto a concrete pillar on the car park
> scratched to fuck
> oops
> smile sweetly

>so there i was
>dick in the mouth of possibly the hottest girl ive ever fucked
>shes sucking like a champ
>but im warmed up and itll take a bit for me to cum
>grab her braid and start thrusting slowly until my dick is going down her throat
>she chokes a little but is taking it like a champ
>pushing harder, thrusting deeper and deeper
>about to cum
>with one hand grab her head and push it all the way down on my dick, with the other grabbing her perfect tit
>combo of dangerous/forbidden nature and this smoking hot tight blond, cum with a force i never have before
>she swallows it all and keeps sucking until i take my hand off her head
>we both sneak out of the store

unfortunately i only fucked her once. She was really into me but I was already talking semi serious with another grill. I dont regret not dating her, her personality wasnt that great.

I do regret not fucking her more and trying to put it in her ass, Biggest booty ive fucked.

if theres interest ill greentext the other girl ive fucked on the clock. hope you enjoyed, i tried to keep the embellishment to a minimum
>be me
>be working 3 years in a restaurant
>constantly spit in/throw disgusting shit in the food
>steal a bottle of Coke every day
this was the most boring story posted in thread.
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you just bit
>work for school district
>handle all surplus computers and electronics
>when a school gets new computers the old ones come to me
>steal tons of hard drives, RAM and various electronics (HD camcorders, laptops, etc.)
>sell it on CL for profit

nigga i was asked to post
How did you fuck two girls and how hot were they on a scale from 1-10?
good work
"And it died kek"
You got me here
I do that shit every day at ups
10/10 romance novel
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Me likey
work at skating rink
>pocket cash when no change is needed (at least $100 a night).
>would rent out the rink behind owners back (made $1000 w/ a swingers group renting it).

worked in a warehouse
>stole shit to sell on ebay

loan agency
>nothing... I could of easily scammed people out of thousands, but it was too much risk.

worked for a software company
>manager was never around basically came in for 2 hours a day and reported 8.
Sounds like a boss job
>be me
>my dad won't let me drive until I can pay for gas
>get job at cafe in tiny hometown
>boss is 60 year old family friend who I've known since I was 2
>gay for me
>lets me get away with all sorts of shit
>bascially just shit employee
>forgot to empty the frozen yogurt machine
>forgot keys 60% of the time, broke into the store by shoving a railroad spike I found in the parking lot through the mail slot to open the shitty lock
>got away with it
>once drank a shitload with friends the day before a morning shift
>slept through alarm
>woke up two hours late to a phone call from Gayboss
>"Shit lol be there soon"
>Throw on clothes, hop in car, rush there, heart thumping, think I'm gonna be fired
>Get there, get chewed out, Gayboss leaves
>Spend the rest of the day drinking free coffee and throwing up in the bathroom

first story is posted as to how it happened

>blonde in story was an honest 9.5/10
>big and athletic ass, perky c cup tits, 18 y/o

>other grill, a redhead is probably a 7.5/10 on a good day
>but i have a huge thing for red heads so i found her super attractive.
>tall and slender but athletic build, played volleyball
>b cup tits, perky but not big
>skinny girl ass, looks good and has good shape but not big enough
>working in cex
>really fancy a tango orange and break is coming
>have no cash on me
>nick a quid from the till and go to the shop
>feel guilty, come back empty handed
>go to return the pound to the register
>I fucking lost it

I still feel bad about that £1 every day
>ITT: fucked up things you have done at any job and got away with

work from home.

spent pretty much 3 months straight on /b/ all day every day. Put in maybe 30 legit minutes of work per day

still made about $300K.

They never knew. Think I'm a fucking hero cause I'm top sales guy.

>fuck, I love my job.

inb4 blah blah hurdur prove it i don't believe you
what do you sell?
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This is more something fucked up that happened to me on the job but oh well

>full time college student
>delivery driver on the side for a regional pizza chain in LA for extra spending money (read: weed)
>usually get awesome tips because our delivery area is Beverly Hills and West Hollywood, real affluent areas and even rich people love ordering pizza
>deliver to a guy's house
>asks me to come inside while he gets the money
>we're not really supposed to enter people's homes but it's a ritzy part of town so I didn't see an issue
>hear a bunch of grunting once I walk in, thinking someone's working out in the house
>spot big-ass TV in the living room
>hardcore gay porn on the screen at a considerably loud volume
>now this is awkward and I wanna leave
>guy returns with money
>don't say anything about it
>tips me pretty well
>few days later
>same guy orders pizza
>exact same scenario happens: gay porn on TV, bite my tongue, receive big tip, leave
>same thing happens twice more over the course of about 2 weeks
>can't take it anymore because I need to know what the fuck this guy's deal is
>guy orders pizza again
>finally speak up this time
>"so uh, you really like porn huh?"
>without skipping a beat he replies "yeah I run a porn company in the valley, we're looking for some male talent, you interested?"
>politely decline
>still receive a good tip
>never got a call for a delivery order from that guy ever again after that

biotech sales
short, sweet, and accurate. My guess is you probably had free lunches forever too.
>restauranted two and a half years in college
You must be a good salesmen then
>not entitled
>it's a cultural thing

It being a cultural thing is what entitles you to a tip faggot.
>work at supermarket
>constantly just sit in the toilet on my phone for like 10 mins every hour or so
>never wash my hands
>sneeze all over everything
>cough all over everything
>fap before going to work and dont wash my hands either
more pizza deli stories please
I went home five minutes early once
aaaaw shit! Maximum Badass!
such edge, much wow
this is so funny. I dont understand why but its so funny
you declined the chance to fuck sluts and get paid by a rich cunt
are you retarded or just dumb
is that supermarket Safeway? because you sound just like this guy i work with, who is also the assistant manager for some dumb reason.
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Not even mad
how did anyone not notice that you were wacked out
Taking long ass naps in the server room
Not really fucked up though
worked as a waiter in a ice crime shop

>be me
>hating my job
>whenever i get the chance(alone)
>i take of my dick out rub it on the ice cream
>rub it
>loved the faces of chicks enjoying the icecrime
>worked at futureshop
>was going to buy a set of 350$ headphone
>put box in my bag
>forget about it
>get home with 350$ headphones
>whatever guess they are mine now
>futureshops all closed yesterday
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I've fapped at most of the jobs I've had. Most notably the toy store I used to work at.
Probably because there were only kids
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What a cunt.
>Work at KFC
>Never wash my hands after going to the bathroom or inbetween prep
when i worked for a phone provider

> altered a cunt customers personal details
> for being a cunt

> disconnected a retards back to base alarm line for calling me a wanker cause i didnt understand his shitty accent

> called back 4 years later and disconnected a guys entire mobile, landline, internet and cable tv connection for wasting my fucking time 4 years prior for 2 and a half hours. (yeah i hold a fucking grudge, so what)
yeah ad hom attacks arent the point im trying to make, sorry if i was being an angry neckbeard. point being, you gotta stop punishing people for not tipping. just be glad you get tipped at all dude, dont be such a bitter cunt.

This is now a thread of people who work in loser dead-end jobs.

Too late, it already is.
if it was gay porn, im sure he would have banged a bunch of slutty sissy boys, or get fucked by a bunch of strong manly men
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mfw he uses /b/ to get over all of his rejections and sells like a god
>using /b/ to sell
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I worked at McDonalds for 2 summers, my managers were fantastic people, most of my co workers were okay, but goddamn did I fuck with an obscene amount of shitty customers.

>one bitch always comes in between 2 and 4pm asking for decaf
>literally the only decaf order past 11am any day of the week
>gets pissed off when she has to wait for a fresh pot to brew (we had a strict policy of only holding coffee for a half an hour max)
>always exceedingly rude about it
>calls over a manager every few visits, both manager and I are pissed off
>one day she's being exceptionally rude, decide to commit a ruse
>give her a large cup "on the house"
>it's not decaf
>she sits down and starts drinking it
>a few minutes later starts having a seizure
>turns out she has an intense caffeine allergy
post em
my sides
>stick his gear selector up my ass
is you some of faggot?
muh sides anon

bravo, bra-fucking-o
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>>submit unanimously to all local newspapers
how could you misspell anonymously when it is the first word of every fucking post?
>be wal-mart employee
oh, yeah, sorry nevermind
dump them?
and yet most of the pics in 'pics you shouldn't share' threads are white girls......

>are you attention seeking anon?
To all you nasty fucks that think not washing your hands is hardcore, you realize that shit goes both ways right?

You're rubbing all the nasty dirty shit other people do all over your dick.
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>Gay Porn every time

Sure... That old rich guy wanted him to fuck *WOMEN*
It wasn't me, but I've seen an shift manager clean an employee's toilet with pizza doe, slap out a pizza, put sauce, pepperoni and cheese on it and then send it to be delivered.

>never piss off someone who is alone with your food
fucking lies.
Yeah Lunch was free but radeln good/taste.
>200 cash for a one page article
>I will say it was a multi page article

hmmmmmmmm do go on tho anon, kek
Did you guys get sued?

this is bullshit. when they xray your bags this would raise alot of red flags at any airport and the person would be held for possible drug trafficking
no one cares about your stupid shit
stop posting
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except pizza paychecks are like a quarter of a living wage in the US

It would be great if tipping was only for exceptional service but now it's a cultural thing and you're expected to directly pay some peoples' wages in part.
ITT : jews
i used to work at a betting company.

> short change dumb people when i can = extra £10 a night roughly

> when someone rushes back for their winnings before results come up, take a few pound off = roughly £30 - £60 a night

>sometimes i used the computer and contained all the records of every ticket. look at unclaimed tickets from few weeks ago. £220 unclaimed ticket, noted down serial number and cashed it to my self. did that alot = £tripled my wage

wish i could go back, i had to move due to family troubles
>Customer hands me a $50 for something that costs $5
>She drives off
>I dont bother chasing.
i fucking loved working at cex, you ever do cexfest anon?
Nope! She didn't disclose her allergy so we weren't liable. At least, not liable enough for her to bother suing.

She started going to a different place for coffee after that though.
Nice meme friend
Is this easy to do in a UK betting shop? What about managers overlooking?
also this - >>606941949

happened alot when people rushed to watch the race, also used to give their ticket before change. physiological technique to try make them walk before they notice
So being a shitty kid is a job?

lel... you numbnuts would end up on his "casting couch" with a bored out anus and 20 buck tip.

he had no porn company. he was just trying to trick the pizza dude into delivering some ass.
Rarely *sorry autocorrect.
>Also spend hours on the toilet browsing le 9gag.(it was 4 years ago ok?)
i worked in a stadium where the races were live. there was 1 manager that walked about but he was dumb and i wouldnt do it in front of him.

betting shops would be different as most people would be knowledgeable on their winnings etc

place i work is used alot for a night out and to get drunk
so it did technically work out lol. anyone get disciplined on your side?
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i stole a pen once.
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>implying a straight male would deliver ass for extra cash without actually enjoying it
when i used to work in a bar

>turning up to work high on speed an awful lot
>3 days sleep deprivation having to go change barrels in cellar
>i am not alone, shadow people have come to taunt my barrel changing
>change barrel come back upstairs shaking and ratling after doing some more speed
jesus fucking christ you monster!
>Worked at a grocery store chain.
>Squeeze milk jug
>Twist cap off with retainer ring in tact
>Lift safety cap off
>Jizz in milk
>Glue safety cap back on w/ some jizz
>Thread cap w/ retainer ring back on

x1000's of times in 17 states.
no cum?
i used to work behind a bar too.

> keep small change in my pockets

> if someone buys drinks with exact money, i cancel the order in the till and pocket the money

> if they needed like 20p chance, i would get the change from my pocket, cancel order and pocket their money
i know :( i felt bad for that in years after
>embezzled over $300m over 20 years
>mfw i drink milk everynight since i was 6 and you probably came in my mouth
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>be cat
>some spics with long sticks show up to that asshole next door's house
>typical spic names, Oscar and Jman
>anyway they make their way over to one of my favorite spots, the dude's shed
>fond memories of banging that 8/10 tabby in there
>all of the sudden dickheads start hacking at my second favorite spot, my perch over the shed
>holy shit that asshole is trying to destroy what I hold dearest in one fell swoop
>in a flurry i try to catch the branch
>mfw I'm a cat trying to catch a fucking tree limb
are you russian anon?
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bit of a backstory, where i used to work as a fast food place that was also ice cream, and like a grocery store. the walk in freezer for all of the food and for milk and shit to be displayed for customers is all the same room
>first summer i work there is first summer i really have money
>buy tacobell all the time because it was right next to our store and the food at our place got really old when you eat it all day
>insane gas all day every day for like the first 2 weeks
>always go to the walk in to fart
>they think that their refrigeration system is fucked because it always smells like spoiled milk
>they had to spend several thousand dollars fixing a huge ass walk in freezer that wasnt broken in the first place
i have other stories if people want me to share
youve been reported to the authorities you sick fuck.
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>Old job in clothing store
>Used to go to the bathroom during the most busy periods and proceed to power-wank like it was being made illegal the next day
>Always came on right hand
>Never washed it
>Back out, find family needing help (always one)
> firmly shake father's hand first, then mother, then pat any of their kids within reach on the head. Not in the least bit bothered.

>Have girl at current job that I wanna fuck, but she's a feminazi and also a bit of a cunt
>There's another girl:
>Cracking arse and big tits for a skinny girl
>Often make the tea for everyone
>Have, on more than one occasion, wiped my unwashed cock on the rims of their teacups so they can taste me while drinking their teas
>Have, on more than one occasion, masturbated into hand and left a little smear on the front collar of both of their coats, where their mouths touch, so they have a little of me on their lips when they wrap up against the cold

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>working in bar
>tight with manager who lives above it with chef
>chef is a fucking douche and a snitch. always trying to get the manager in trouble with his superiors
>one night whilst hes downstairs in bar manager tells me to go for it
>take the nastiest shit in the toilet and use his dirty ass brown stained toothbrush to clean my poopchute
>empty his eyedrops and refill the sealed container with my piss
>run the rim of his favourite cup around my butthole
>go downstairs
>get hammered
>accidentally spike him with speed, a lot of it. and by accident i mean on purpose and he deserved it
>he comes up and begins harrassing a rugby team
>almost gets his ass beaten before he leaves to make a booty call

mfw i hear he got there and had to explain to a chick that he had no idea why his dick had shrunk
>some spics with long sticks
i like you anon, i really do.
Fortunately, no. There are cameras, but the coffee makers are just enough out of field so that you can't see which pot the joe is being poured from.

another story:
>fat indian guy (redskin, not IT) always orders big mac with different specs each time
>sometimes no onions, sometimes extra lettuce
>often comes in at busiest times of day, when its easy to get orders mixed up (kitchen is turning out a burger every 5 seconds, it's easy to fuck up)
>comes in pretty drunk one night at about 1am
>completely dead otherwise, just me and two other guys working
>"big mac no pickles"
>punch it in as no pickles, go to kitchen
>quick conference with kitchen guy
>burger comes out, double pickles
>guy starts eating, complains about pickles
>apologize profusely, take it back
>new burger comes out, triple pickles
>he gets madder, asks for another new one
>do this a few more times, eventually 7x extra pickles
>more pickle than meat at this point
>he just takes it and leaves
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>forklift driver in a gigantic freezer
>pissed off they mad me come in on a saturday i had asked off
>when everyone was at lunch i took a shit on top of a load of frozen beef
>mfw it was there for 2 weeks before being shipped off

Damn son, don't do the ice crime if you cant do the ice time
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>work at grocery store
>first job in a while, was sort of famous a long time ago but not anymore
>flirting with this trashy chick
>kinda stupid, in a southern state so kind of a redneck
>fuck her with a parsnip


do you tip for your coffee? Mcdonalds?

Even though they probably make less than the delivery guy.
>I was a male prostitute in college.
>Mostly gay stuff, unfortunately but occasionally older ladies.
>Did it about 5-6 times a month.
>Made a few hundred for head, maybe 500 for anal which not fun but worth it I guess. Sometimes twice that, it depended on the person.
>Washington DC is not a cheap city to live in.
>Had a few regulars, including this one old old (maybe 75?) guy who just wanted to suck me off while he tugged on his soft cock. He paid me $400 each time, usually once a week.
>No regrets but I graduated so I don't have to anymore.
>Kind of crazy to think about it now.
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I used to work as a fraud investigator at one of the big insurance companies
i spent so much time there high on lsd training staff on fraud detection indicators as well as dealing with complaint calls

good times
how the fuck do you burn a movie film? they're on those giant film reels, you can't just burn those to dvd.
...and I learned it from the other guys I worked with that did it all the time too and a few of them had been doing it since the 70s.

I'm pretty sure that happens in most grocery stores, nationwide.
>work at grocery store
>first job in a while, was sort of famous a long time ago but not anymore
>flirting with this trashy chick
>kinda stupid, in a southern state so kind of a redneck
>fuck her with a parsnip
>sell parsnip to a family
>stole about $30,000 worth of sales cash from a huge farming outfit
>asked to come back
>stole another $15,000
>asked for a raise
>got a $0.30 raise

Got away with it.
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then get your shit together and find a better job without making innocent people your fucking scapegoat.

Its still a word
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My job is so fucking unbelievable.
I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.
Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
dude you literally went from flirting to parsnip sex in 2 lines like jesus man rednecks are bad at writing.
>not fun

? I figure since gay dudes seem to do it for enjoyment, it must be enjoyable. How is it not fun?

there's a bunch of crazy stories in DC. I looked up a whore on craigslist years and years ago. the number she gave was the desk phone number at her work at a govt agency. sure enough, the whore shows up and fucks me for money.

crazy shit there. It's almost like it's expected to be your 2nd job or something.

best ending line ever...
How the fuck didn't i see that coming

sorry for you man :/ people usually only see women as getting the bad side of that shit deal, but guys have it worse. getting anal sex is worse than getting fingered by another girl.
>learn to fucking greentext.
>not reading all that shit
>didn't supply tl:dr

0/10 Didn't read.
10 years go
>Delivered pizzas
>If customer paid cash, we tell them total over phone, hang up, then discount pizza with manager's code 10-20 dollars.
>Deliver pizza, tell them original total. Pocket the discounted amount + whatever they tip anyways.
>Extra couple hundred per night on weekends.
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short, and to the point
>>first job in a while, was sort of famous a long time ago but not anymore

Good to know what David Lee Roth is up to these days.

>some moron has never seen the movie TED and didnt even notice the pics posted with these are of TED.

fuckin newfags
He makes soap.
So you submitted the papers without opposition? Makes perfect sense.
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>front desk agent
>stole money
>did whatever I wanted
>fucked a girl in a housekeeping room during SB
>smoked outside and chilled the whole time
>met alot of cool people and we drank while I worked
>literally paid to watch netflix and browse interweb

working at a hotel is so fucking easy.
i like this post, this is a nice fucking post.
>Worked at an ISP
>hooked up my friends with free internet
>shut down internet for a friends school during a big test he didnt study for (got shit for that but said it was a honset mistake)
>gave nice customers free shit
>raised the bill ever so slightly for bitchy customers
>Down graded thretening customers speeds
>Uppgraded my dealers speed for free shit
the oven cooked off the germs
>edgy manager is just a faggot
It hurts and they always try to cum in you.
After you hear "oh shit sorry I didn't mean to do that. You just turn me on so mych babe" for the 100th time, it starts getting very old.
Fucking faggots.
Pretty sure he meant burned it with flames feggit. I mean it's ABBA, and film is inflammable as fuck. It's a win win.
fucking genious
Constructed a shitty wall with mud and old bricks. Fell down that instant they tried to place door to it
Wow you're literally worse than niggers dude. You probably do shit like that because your life is empty and no one loves you.
stories like these don't make me treat delivery folk better... they make me cook my own food
Do you always throw a temper tantrum when you don't get your way?
You're paying the full wage of every employee already.
Rice Ron Raggy
You might actually have to an hero just to prevent the authorities from catching up with you.
welcome newfriends!
Please lurk moar before posting. At least another year.
i put the audiobook of the bible in my audiobook fiction section.
>Work at post office
>delivery part where sort packages and magazines in certain charts
>last day at work
>thinking about summer and shit
>realize I just packed thousands of daily news papers and hundreds of packages in wrong charts
>some people didn't get their packages in time
Keking at you sitting there with a newspaper and coffee on one of the bin type freezers
Fuck off newfaggot

  ▲
▲ ▲
That was a good thing you did
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>Work at laser tag
I love you
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nah m8 gr8 story i r8 8/8 and masturb8
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>For the 100th time

Damn nigga, your ass must look like what happens when you smack a jellyfish with a baseball bat.
I find it's easier to talk to kids when I'm doped up

Oh, the Post Invitation Squad called you up, said, "Hey, D-bag, there's a thread we want you to bump with boring bullshit, are you hip?"
>work as cashier
>busy af
>some chick forgets something and runs to otherside of store
>hispanic guy behind getting pissed for long wait
>scan most of her items more than once
>she comes to pay double what she actually brought
>tell her printer is broken so we cant give her recipt
>hispanic guy gives me High five and tips me after i serve him
Frustrated cheap ass detected.
Not green text because copy pasta from sickipedia
>Work at big electronics store
>be there for nearly 2 yars
>weiner guy starts 6 months ago
>ugliest man on earth
>Hes really quiet and people dont really like him
>I start writing his name all over store and backroom
>manager starts getting mad
>weiner guys on probation since he only started 6 months ago
>weiner guy fired
>Nobody knows it was me

Ive stole shit before but nothing major, usually i buy things with my staff discount and return them two weeks later at full price
I worked as a luthier for a few years. My company started pissing me off my setting higher quotas for me and being passive aggressive. I stopped trying to make the instruments up to their standards, and ended up costing them tens of thousands of dollars due to my wasting the amount of materials and time that I did. Because of me, five people got laid off. lol. Mormons.
Quads! Checked
I guess, a strangers cum is no less gross than a strangers milk.
Actually, it looks the same as it did in high school. I didn't notice that big of a difference, although it definitely got easier to do that as time went on.
But I always pretended I only gave head and never did that to try to get them to pay more.
Sometimes it worked (one guy paid me $1200 to take my cherry - this was like a year after I started working)... sometimes it didn't and I had to suck a dick.
stole about 300$ worth of toys in 25days i was on that job (as a student)
or perhaps just someone who lives in a country where corporations are shitting in the mouths of the citizens, by having them bicker over who should actually pay for the employees wages?

/b/ro - you are doing the 1%'s bidding

otherwise 9/10 well trolled
Work at a commercial print shop that produces gift cards for major brands and chains.

>Dump chemicals and other nasty shit down the drain.
>Night shift, never really gave a fuck, nor did anyone else.
>Alot of drug abuse on nights.
>Fucked my girlfriend right in the center of the office on a giant table, told my co-workers I'd be doing it, so piss off lol.
>Nothing too crazy because we don't do anything with the general population.
>But still good times.

How god damned expensive are your pizzas that you can discount one by 20 dollars?
There is a security video of me jacking off in a school sever room somewhere. I was 14 ln work experience. I suprised nothing ever came of it really.
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gtfo fucking newfag cancer, you're selling us that antique-piece-of-shit-post?
What's the deal if they cum in your butt? It's not like you're going to get pregnant. Guys always try that with girls too. I've never tried it in the butt, but, you can understand the panic when they start pumping sperm in the V. It's like WAT THE FUCK!!!
Bet that mafcka works for BeauJos in Colorado. They had like a $200 pizza... if you could finish it it was free. It was fuckin, like, really big though.
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>Work at Schnucks as a facer/conditioner
>Grocery chain in missouri/illinois
>Always 6pm-10pm
>Literally don't talk to anyone, just face the shelves and fuck off
>supposed to take one 15 minute break
>Every season of DBZ on my iPod
>No cameras in the aisles, nobody patrolling around
>Supposed to take food up front and pay for it
>walk straight to break room with 10-12 dollars of fresh ass chicken and drinks
>grab a family size box of ice cream sandwiches
>each 2 ice cream sandwiches, nibble at chicken and throw the rest in the trash

I would also put 2 liters in the freezer when I left since the store was dead by 10pm.
Been getting a handjob/blowjob from my female co-worker few times a week for like 2 months now, never got caught. We do it on the men guest toilet. Shes 19 im 17, both waiters
Fuck, meant to say that I would sit in the break room or in the bathroom for over an hour watching DBZ and pigging out on literally whatever I wanted because i was in a GROCERY STORE
I worked at a dry cleaner during college
I would keep anything of value I found in people's pockets
Most I've found was $500 cash
Second most was $350
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Because that wasn't part of the deal. I guess it was just one of those work place annoyances.
Oh, also the cleaner I worked at also did the cleaning for a couple local hotels and often times we'd get women's panties
When ever we did, I would pull into a parklot, sniff and cum into them
I would clean out the spunk somewhat as to not raise suspicion by the guys that cleaned them
Good story
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>hardwarestore employee
>fat bitch wants some shit that's out of season and packed away
>impatient and fat-bitchy about it
>i go in the detached cold storage building, locate the item (in a bag)
>drop my pants, stuff the plastic bag handle far up my sweaty ass
>hold bag by the bottom preparing to hand it handle-out to fat bitch
>her 6 year-old daughter runs up excited and intercepts, grabbing bag by handle

Close enough.
Underaged b&.
>Me and my roomates always order at the same place
>Every time the delivry guy is coming, we're giving im weed and smoking joint with.
>Every time he see our adress he's' coming to deliver hiself.
>Giving im big extra tip
>Getting so much free stuff all the time
>Moral: be nice to the delivery guy.
>ninjasterbate everywhere and cum on things.
>every single day
>they never got me

Also once sold an old woman a lawnmower filled with my piss in lieu of engine oil. Wonder how long that thing ran.

I agree tipping should be abolished. They should pay people a full wage.

But seeing as every job that gets tips, gets paid less then half what they would make at another job of equal skill level. They need those tips
I took a massive dump today in about three seconds, so I was in and out in no time at all.

No one suspects the office shitter.
>Working at house of Check `n Go CEO
>has a $2500 carbon-fiber bike laying in the yard collecting dirt next to garage.
>stole that shit
Check `n Go ruined my credit a long time ago over $1500 so we are even.
How retarded is your life view to assume that female prostitutes don't get butt fucked? Also, what female prostitute is getting paid to be fingered by a female? So a woman can't strap on a dildo and pay a woman prostitute to take that plastic dick up the ass? You're a fucking retard. Anyone who is a prostitute has it rough, one gender doesn't have it worse than the other. The only people who really suffer without the option to quit are child prostitutes.
I worked at a store for years, did small shit CONSTANTLY to fuck with the public.
>would glue the caps on pens and leave them on the counter
>watch frustrated people attempt to remove caps to write their checks
>get pissed off, find different pens
>one time though, this old guy, like fucking ancient 90+
>he must have seriously thought he was just too weak to pull the pen cap off. he tried and tried.
>and tried. to pull this damn pen cap off. determined
>left with a broken spirit
>I watched it all complaisantly
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edgy af

Yeah but faggots have aids tho
stole money right under a customers nose.
stole bare shit from the stock room.
stole money from an old lady.
dont give out clubcard points to customers on purpose.
dunno and dont care how to green text. fuck you.
Just applied for the Best Buy where my local futurshop was.

>worded at a CompUSA back when they still existed
>worked at the upgrades counter
>epoxied a silver dollar to the floor about 6 feet away from my counter
>spent all day watching customers trying to pick it up
>for months. Months.
>it's the little things that can brighten up your day sometimes
Makes zero sense faggott. Even decaf has caffeine in it. Just alot less. If she was so allergic that it have her seizers then even decaf would affect her. She wouldn't drink it. You made the story up. You're a giant fag with stupid fag balls.
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> Be dolphin trainer in 90's
> no cameras or obvious security
> start having sex with female dolphins
> jizz inside dolphins all time
> fuck one female backstage in closed area while guy is out front starting show
>jizz in dolphinslut and send her out for the show
>mfw she does the big jump with my jizz dribbling from her slit.

I miss my dolphin sluts
Used to do car safety inspections and pass anything. Never failed one even though some were really a danger to everyone road. Hated my company hoped they would get sued.
Take solace in the fact that I have indeed checked em' all.
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butt hurt faggot detected
I crap everytime at work like 20 minutes long.
So I get paid 72.5€ a month for shitting
20x15min = 5 Hours x14.50€ = 72.5€
>work in retail
>im the guy that cleans electronics before the store closes
>all the stolen movies from the day
>pocket the digital codes before taking them to the stolen box
>have over 400 movies on my vudu now
>AIDs isn't more rampant in the gay community

Uhhh..... yeah. It is. Gays and drug users.
Also I was in a monogamous relationship with a boy for 6 years so that makes you both wrong and falsely upright.
Be mad.
Dude pls tell more
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>fingers own asshole
>calls other people faggots
I went to a house to downgrade their cable package to basic cable.
I went up to the house when I finished at the pole to make sure it was all back up and going, or basically just pretty much to show I was there and ensure they don't start wondering why the just lost 50 something channels out of the blue.

They were watching Some sort of show on their DVR and it was like 30 minutes behind where it was live.
The lady was kind of a bitch at the door asking me or really trying to tell me not to do anything so their program is not interupted

I said I wouldn't interupt it.
The DVR they had is older and doesn't keep track of shit when not on the channel.
So before I left I hit the On Demand button, made some shit up about needing to make sure it was back up, and then left before they could figure out they couldn't watch their show anymore.

Not really all that bad.
I was just in a shitty mood.
wow thats 900 bucks a year for taking a crap at work

No it's not. Look up recent statistics and you'll see it's not higher in the gay community. You being a faggot has nothing to do with your knowledge of statistics.

Falsely upright is not an expression, by the way.
>worked as a lift operator at a ski resort
>constantly high
>chainsmoking cigarettes in the lift shacks
>getting dome from ski instructors in the lift shacks
>letting the chair swing around fast, kneecapping people I didn't like
>holding the chair back to slingshot girls I wanted to fuck
>playing loud unedited nigger music all day over company audio gear
>letting ski patrol ride the lift on 'slow' if they fuck with me
>usually hungover
>usually going commando in my company snowpants
>usually snowboarding on the clock
Bob Evans
>I poured road salt into the water softener
>be 20
>be working at mcdonalds
>faggot that used to bully me in school gets hired on.
>take a dump in a cup
>dump my dump from my cup on his car and smear it all over his windshield, door handle and gas cap.
Didn't you wear rubbers, you aids infested faggot?
>work as a lifeguard
>let so many kids down the slide who are under the height limit
File: 1347987979184.jpg (80 KB, 1200x1309) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
80 KB, 1200x1309
This guy knows it
File: 1365797391848.png (204 KB, 524x331) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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every bag is weighed at check in, every bag is weighed before customer gets it back.
if the bag is heavier or lighter security is automatically called.
Of course I did when blown, sometimes I'd let them blow me without one for extra. Usually they were the ones wearing the rubber. They would strip it off then try to come in me. A few times they would try to hold me down.
Most of my clients were rich, white older guys living around DuPont Circle or in Glover Park. Also, I was always tested. Never got an STD in my life. Lucky, I guess.
mexican detected

trick question for everyone on /b/ is an underage virgin neckbeard fedora wearing autist who has absolutely no work skills
would safe that story but you faggot didn't use meme arrows

People PAID to suck a dick WITH a CONDOM on it? The fuck. Sucking on a condom is one of the least pleasant things in the world. I understand there are cocksucking faggots out there who'd pay to suck dick but I would assume condoms off would be implicit, and condoms on would be implicit for anal.
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