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Most embarrassing wish you were dead moments.
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

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Most embarrassing wish you were dead moments.

>be me
>teenager with raging hormones
>play this game with my 7 year old niece
>game named "cave explorer"
>basically put my finger in her ass
>she needs to tighten her ass to keep the "miners",my finger from "escaping"
>she is almost ready for anal just a couple of more days.
>forward few days
>family bbq
>i`m watching how niece is behaving because afraid she might blow our cover
>to my horror i see her get in front of my uncle,pull down pants and spread her ass cheeks
>hear gasps followed by 2 second silence which felt like 2 hours
>hear niece say"now you put your finger in"
>uncle with a loud voice,almost yelling "what the fuck?"
>aunt gives her a backhand slap demanding for an explanation
>niece is terrified and crying.
>tells her how she played this exploring game with me and wanted to teach uncle how to play.
>see everyone`s faces turn towards me like a fucking horror movie
>feel this sweat glide from my neck to my buttcrack.
>start to get dizzy
>stare at floor all the time. Too scared for eye contact
>hear uncle call out my name
>go inside house,try to get too my room
>feel like there is a 50kg cement block on each one of my leg.
>lock door
>sit in corned,crouch and cower in fear
>think of what the fuck just happened.
>never see uncle and his family anymore
>dad kicks me out because he fears i might molest sister.
>live with grandpa`s
>barely have contact with family

10 years past and i still have little to no contact with family

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maybe you shouldnt have molested a child and you wouldnt be in this sitution
Serves you right
>be prepubescent me
>tiny bald penis
>staying overnight at my aunts house
>share a room and a bed with my younger cousin
>he starts to molest me
>ask him to stop
>he won't
>think wth and suck his penis
>he does same to me
>starts to get really tickly
>ask him to stop again
>he won't
>try to push him off
>he gets back on my penis
>suck suck suck
>piss in his mouth
>he runs downstairs to tell his mother what I just did ...
>never allowed to stay again
>continue to be molested by my younger cousin
Any here's my story

>first day in kindergarten
>shit myself

yeah thats it
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Lol, if that's true, it's your own darn fault.
now tell me why you thought you should fucking start anal training with your 7 y/o niece hahahaha

teenager with raging hormones? aka millions of fucking girls your age ready to ride your dick WITH their friends? you fucked up bad
Fuck them! Family only drag u down bro. I u want to finger little girls, more power to you. :D
Don't know how to green text but I accidently full force punched my mates mum in the face.
Did u at least get to rape her after?
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OP you deserve to be decapitated
or fuck these for the rest of your life.
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no your a fucking loser who obviously couldnt get a girl so had to prey on a young innocent little girl to satisfy your lust for pussy
your a fucking autist, because talking to a girl outside of your family is too hard
Hardly your fault. She should of cross countered.
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Fucking this
>be me
>18 yo at the time
>huge moralfag(still am)
>was at traps thread
>saying how trap lovers are faggots and that they should an hero
>accidentally left thread open
>my mom found it
>forced me to "confess" in front of a priest that i was a potential faggot
>went to college
>never talked to that bitch again
I would fuck that
>3 years ago
>be 16
>had a crush on this girl since I was 12
>friendzoned for 6 years
>madly in love with her
>she's seriously 8/10
>one day she told me that she loved me too
>fuck yes
>ask her to become my gf
>she agrees
>2nd day of our relationship
>had too much soda
>hanging out watching TV and her house
>fart loudly while trying to get off couch
>she laughs at me
>embarrassed as fuck
>run home
>begged parents to let me change school
>didn't go back to old school
>dropped all contact with her
>haven't seen her since
I miss her ;_;
10+7 =
underage b&
>OP getting tracked down right now
>No such thing as time-passed in america
>Be me, teenagers with raging hormones
>bored during a class trip to italie
>sneak my hand on some girls ass
>they noticed
>social relation are dead during the next
3 years
made up/10
>look everyone how new and mad i am
>Implying fingering loli ass is not an acomplishment given the ilegality of he whole ordeal.
>Chasing old worn out women

Stay mangina bro..
I was hiding around a corner to be fair, she had no idea it was coming, I thought it was my mate and he had previously done the same to me.

Still... pretty embarrassing punching an extremely slim 5'2'' women in her 40s in the face, a sucker punch nonetheless.
>wish you were dead moments

>there's this imageboard I've been browsing since 2005
>wish I was dead every moment I spend browsing it

Does that count? Pic possibly related.

>look everyone how edgy and brooding i am
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What's with all the newfags?
Topkek sir
>Be chilling with cousin high on weed
>stand outside in front of his house,waiting for the cocksucker to come out.
>uncle comes out with his wife
>stare at his wifes ass
>uncle notices,tells wife to walk normally without shaking ass
>me just realizing what happened look at uncle,he laughs.

I bet he thinks i`m a pervert.
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>be me
> true betafag
>meet qt 3.14 at school ,8/10
> talk with her for a while
> about to ask if she wants to go on a date
> suddenly hear a faint fart , smells bad man.jpeg
> randomly blurt out ,"did you just fart ?"
> she has a look of shock and disgust on her face
> see my 65 yr old substitute teacher walk by laughing his ass off
> mfw
> spaghetti starts falling from my pockets . Make a run for the door
> dinosaurs
> never talk to her again
kids do stupid things
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ma nigga. same as you except I found /b/ around 2006 instead.
>eBaums world
>something awful
>slime volleyball
not sure if nostalgia or just feels.
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>be 16
>crush since 12
>friendzoned for 6 years
Do you even into maths?
>feel this sweat glide from my neck to my buttcrack.
You really do have butts on the brain, don't you? Are you anally fixated?
Nigga you are looking for logic on b, you are in the wrong place
>I was 21ish
>Played Dungeons and Dragons every other week with friends
>About the 2nd time I ever played the game, I had friends over
>Before they came over, I was about to fap
>I googled "D&D Hentai" and forgot to lock my computer down
>friends arrive, we play for a couple hours
>friend goes to the bathroom, I forget my room is wide open
>I rush over to my room as casual looking as possible, friend is out of the bathroom and on my computer
>"Hey just wanted to check facebook" and then he opens up google and sees D&D Hentai
>He gave me a glance first like I had planned this out as a joke and smirked at me, then saw the horror in my face
>He proceeded to get onto facebook and I stood awkwardly behind him making comments about his facebook posts, waiting for him to leave so I could delete history

The most cringeworthy part of this for me was looking up D&D Hentai at all. I don't even know what that would entail.
>girl gets molested and her mom slaps her for it

tumblr would eat this shit up
>play this game with my 7 year old niece
So she's your uncle's daughter? That makes her your cousin, not niece.

Either way, pedo or not, surely there's nothing sexy about getting impromptu ass all over your finger.
Serves you right. See you in the next trap thread.
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Sounds like your friend is really immature about this shit. Not even that embarrassing tbqh.
>Was at my cousins house gaming some ps2
>was sitting on a bed watching my 2 cousins play
>My ass was about to explode a big ass fart
>Try to release it
>I shat some waterly shit instead
>Terrified and didnt know what to do
>Tried to act normal and just kept on sitting and watching them
>"WTF IS THIS SHIT SMELL" says one of my cousins
>I said I released a simply hefty fart and laughed so I wouldnt be suspicious.
>Left the room and checked cousins wardrobe for new underwear.
>Hear cousin yell "Its smelling like shit in here, open the window" to my other cousin
>Found a good pair and went to the bathroom
>Changed my shitstained underwar with the new ones.
>Didnt know where to hide my shitstained underwear
>Threw it deep under a cupboard
>Feeling much better I went back to my cousins
>See cousins nose exactly at the spot where I shat
>"N-no, sorry for that fart. It was brutal"
>I imply it was a fart etc.
>Their mother comes in later in the room with my shitstained underwear

It was so brutal I cant remember what happened afterwards.
Be at school trip
>overnight at some place
>playing foot/soccer
>urge to shit
>go to bathroom
>shit simultaneously as I sit down
>underwear are ruined
>have to wipe for 10 minutes
>get done, put new clothes on
>run outside with shit underwear
>into woods and bury them
>hour later
>friend goes to bathroom
>smells horrible in there
>he tries to put down the lit after flushing
>it's stuck
>he pulls
>dislodges itself
>two pancake sized shit smudges on lid and toilet wall thing
>he just backs away and calls for the teachers
>interrogation time
>no one finds out who did it
>everyone in my year (grade 6) tries to get to the bottom of it
>prime suspects are the class retard, he's like super white trash fatlard retard, or the guy that went home with an upset stomach (he just didnt like sleeping over at places that isn't his house)
>retard gets blamed for it
>15 years later no one knows
I was took a shit in my friends pool, it sunk to the bottom of the pool(don't ask how)

His mother came by and asked what's that at the bottom
Is that poop?
Based trips.
I have to agree with this post.
Not american kg lol wtf is that
I remember the first day of 7th grade gym class when we had to shower...
i had quite a good story lined up but yours kinda blew mine out of the water
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Or she could just be his niece like he said and his uncle just happened to be the one to come by.
>Either way, pedo or not, surely there's nothing sexy about getting impromptu ass all over your finger.

OP did mention it was to prepare her for anal sex. Which would probably have landed him in even bigger trouble.
True. Did he really expect to pull this off in full and get away with it?
>be at shopping mall food area
>with some friends
>release fart
>shart it is
>as soon as i realized i say i need to go to he bathroom
>arrive at bathroom, lock myself inside a toilet
>my boxer shorts are painted with shitsauce
>i say take them off and proceed to take a shit
>on that day i had gym class so i needed boxer shorts or my ding dong would come out
>flush 2 times and use toilet water to clean boxers
>make sure no one is in the bathroom so that i can use the hand dryer to dry my boxers
>wash my hands, return to the table
>"why did you take so long?"
>sorry i had to take a massive shit
> "alright"
>they didn't even suspected.
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>be me
>be 20
>sexi 14 yr old wants my dick
>nervous about consequences
>finally get her alone
>finger her in my bed
>she wants the dick
>i cum prematurely just trying to get hard
>she doesn't notice
>i cant get hard at all now
>she still cant see whats going on (face in pillow)
>i give up and stop
>she wonders whats wrong
>i tell her i cant fuck her because it feels wrong because of her age
>she believes it, starts crying, she implies that she has strong feelings for me.
>i made her cry for no reason
>basically just didn't want her to know that i came too early over stroking for a hard on
>got pantsed at a pool party
>everyone saw my shrunken 1 inch dick
>tfw known as shrimp dick for the rest of my school life
>tfw never got any pussy during school years
I will never understand this kind of things. I genuinely don't mean to brag, but I can get unlimited boners right after fapping... Your story is as frustrating as watching a porn vid where theres a goddess waiting for it in bed, and the fucking dude cant get it up. I always think to myself, shit, my dick would've punched a hole through the wall the second we got in the same room and I knew I was gonna fuck her. Fucking limp dicks
obvious 12 year-old is obvious
I'm 28. I'll take it as a compliment tho
>on /b/
Sorry about your life m8
neckbeard virgin
Porn... Goddess.. i think you mean whore
only a /b/tard would say thats not embarrassing
>be 16
>raiding MC in vanilla wow
>mom suddenly bursts into my room screaming
>apparently my grades weren't good
>she goes for the computer
we had an agreement that whatever i earned on my own was not able to be taken away
>get between her and my bb
>she stops
>she smirks
>she then slaps herself in the face
>screams bloody murder
>falls on floor and rips her shirt
>im just standing there
>shes crying and screaming
>dad runs up stairs
>looks at me
>i give the 'i have no idea' shrug
>she notices hes there
>stops and starts screaming at him to help her and to call cops
>he calls the cops
>after an hour of the most confusing interviews ever
>they cuff her and take her away
>dad sits down with me and explains some stuff about my mom
>molested me when i was a kid (dont remember)
>abused my sister too
>dad found out and beat the shit out of her
>she cried rape
>dad was almost sent to prison
>its been 11 years since ive seen her
>she will never see her grandson
Can't argue about that.
I've only ever fucked 2 women. So close to it, yeah...

This talk reminds me of a story:
>be me, 28
>visiting friends in germany (for the sole purpose of fucking this girl I knew)
>had only been there for a few days
>still haven't fucked the girl
>go out one night, get super drunk with her friends
>friends start blabbing about how guys cant get it up while wasted
>come up with my usual bullshit "i can always get it up" etc
>everyone laughs, no one believes it
>get so drunk i cant move
>guy helps me get home with the chick i was staying with
>lie on her bed, alcohol level is still over 9000
>she puts on sleeping clothes, and lies next to me
>tell her to kiss me
>she chuckles and does
>grab her hand and put it in my pants
>she absolutely loses it
>we laugh about it for a while
>tell her i wont actually fuck her cuz im too tired, but that i could, she cracks up again
>i fall asleep
>wake up next day, wake her up, undress her, and fuck for 2 hours straight. no bs

the end.
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What kind of friends blindly sucker punch each other around corners
Hahahahaha pedo faggit. Die in a fire

ebaums did it.

shit im 28 and ebaums was funny as shit back in the day and im talking 01-02. i go back every now and again...perhaps one of the only site on the web that hasnt changed, even considering all the shit that went on with eric and all. lawl. good ol days
> Mom molested me
Awww yeah.. stop complaining faggot I wish my mom molested me.
Lol, are you a russian pedophile?
Well, if she saw you making homophobic comments I understand that she thought you might be gay, because that's the biggest sign of a closeted faggot you idiot, go suck a dick you will enjoy it
> Everyone who hates homosexuals is secretly gay
This is what fags actually believe.
Dumbest thing I ever read. This is probably the most pathetic justification fags make for their wrong behavior
fuckin a'
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>>game named "cave explorer"
Honestly me either... I mean how the fuck can you have a limp dick in a situation like that?
Man... I'm sorry. That brutal
triggered virgin
i dont really know why i couldnt get hard, she had such a fine ass and tight pussy. maybe the stress of getting caught? it was strangely easy. putting my dick into unknown, possibly diseased territory? honestly dont know.
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Same thing except in a study hall in 7th grade
> decided to tell everyone I knew the next day so that people didn't think I was that embarrassed about it
>mfw worked pretty well
still got made fun of a little for it but I mean come on I shit my pants
>smelled like raw sewage
that's not embarrassing, that's awesome
Even at 7, you kidda understand sexuality.
You story reeks of bullshit cauz your 7 years old niece acts like she's 4.
>aunt backhands child in shock

women: completely rationale and reasonable
Want to add more to this
>shit pants in study hall 7th grade
>everyone at table blaming each other for awful smell and no one even looks at me
> tell them all I shit my pants
> laughter
> ask teacher to go to bathroom
> clean off underwear with toilet paper flip it inside out
> smell like shit the rest of the day
> next day tell everyone I know as if it is a joke but make sure they know that I actually did
> made so many jokes about it that others couldn't and it made it seem like I wasn't embarrassed
> still made fun of for it a little today
Nerve gas
went better than expected
To care so much about trap threads that you actually go into them to call people gay? Honestly that's pretty gay.
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Did you touch her boob?
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that's fucking disgusting.
at least have some standards and touch your sister, niece or cousin.
>Implying this is a negative.
I spent so many nights at 3 am on SA. Good times.
alpha as fuck
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I have a story similar to this one.
>be me, 6th grade
>At the start of recess, I felt the need to take a massive shit
>Go to bathroom
Now I like to relax when I shit, so I can be in there for up to 25 minutes sometimes.
>This stuff was coming out like sauce, it burned really bad
>Take some toilet paper
>School has really cheap toilet paper, so I ended up balling it up to make life easier
>Run out of toilet paper after 4 sheets
>Begin wiping, paper is ripping up and smearing shit sauce all over my ass cheeks
>Finish up and go back to class, the smell is unbearable, literally the whole room can smell it, even the teacher commented
>Resume traveling around with class smelling like a baby diaper for 2 and a half hours

>mfw no one found out it was me

fucking five gum

ha ha - you're a granny fucker
That fucking escalated quickly.
>be 10
>huge crush on girl of same age
>fap to picture of her
>do this many times
>get bored of that picture
>look on internet for 'naked 10 year olds'
>find nothing
>ask on some forum
>get called pedo scum, told to kill self
>make huge confession note for some reason
>forget about said note
>7yr later, party at my house
>fucking chad faggot turns down music
>tells everyone to listen up
>mfw he found the note
>mfw he read the whole thing out
>run out of own house
>sit on park bench for 4 hours
Don't forget about liquid generation guise
damn dude. i thought from the first line you accidently had, like, a boner come out of your pants at school from a hot teacher. not molesting you niece. christ. that puts a fucking dampner on the day. suddenly now im not even happy.
>bet you never did that again.
there is a statute of limitations on that shit. its seven years in this case i believe or reaching the age of majority, whichever happens first. depends on the state though.
>12 or 13 years ago
>1st grade
>pledge of alligence
>go to fart
>feels like a snake just weaseled it's way out of my ass
>sit down
>feels like my own personal slip n slide
>run to bathroom
>try in vain to get the shit out of my pants
>start crying
>teacher heard and stopped class to ask if I was okay
>lie and say yes
>spend the rest of the day with shit britches
>no one smells a thing
>school finally lets out
>family friend picks me and then my older brother up
>she says she's taking us to the library
>the entire time we're in the library, I hound her about going home
>finally get home
>get a pair of underwear
>instead of going upstairs to change, I change in the half bath, in full view by anyone watching TV
>sneak out of there and make my way into the laundry room
>place my shit undies on top of all the other clothes

Never heard anything about that. Never saw that pair of undies again, either
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>pledge of alligence
what the fuck is that?
are you jew?
In America most public schools have the US "Pledge of Allegiance" recited each morning. Most places don't require you to say it but they teach it to you
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my school forced us to say that pledge every morning, especially after september 11th, and then we had to wait out a "minute of silence" for the "fallen victims and heroes". after so many years, half the student halfass the pledge and get in trouble/sent to the office for it.
Underage modsmodsmods!
Why the fuck would you make a confession note?
wow this shit sounds pretty Stalinist.
>republican state fag detected
my school did it up through eighth grade, but you didn't have to join in.
yeah it was pretty fucking lame. glad i graduated and dont have to deal with it anymore. ive had to recite it from kindergarden to senior year - 12/13 years.
no, seriously, conservative areas do this heavily.
I live in wisconsin where we had a democratic gov. until i was in highschool. no forced pledges there. it was optional.
>be me
>be in 6th grade
>have surprise birthday party thrown for me by all cool 8th graders i look up to
>wanna impress and fit in
>currently play in intramural basketball league where 8th grade girls play against 6th grade boys
>always get beat up by early developed monster bitches twice our size
>always get elbowed in face by Katie Coughlin, daughter of superbowl winning NFL headcoach Tom Coughlin
>anyway back to birthday party
>older guys invite bitches over
>dont know them cause 6th grade nerd, dont know ANY bitches at this time
>girls all dressed up w/makeup
>walking by conversation of coolest kids at my school
>hear name Katie Coughlin, no idea of context
>immediate total awkward silence
>30 seconds goes by, nobody talks
>girl in room explodes into uncontrollable laughter
>wtf is so funny girl
>girl keeps laughing
>nobody else speaks or moves
>im Katie Coughlin you stupid prick
>didnt recognize her with makeup in hot clothes not in sweaty basketball gear beating my ass
>nobody knows what to say, cant make me leave, kinda my party
>dont remember what happened so embarrassed, almost faint, social anhero committed
>party ends, hardass Tom Coughlin, currently coach of Jaguars at this time, shows up to pick up daughter
>see her talking in car through window
>he sits outside for an hour just waiting
>I hide
>wont go outside
>not my house
>he is scary as FUCK
>every time I see him in my little suburb till he goes to Giants he deathstares me for rest of time
>never live it down
>Katie Coughlin is a fucking cunt
You mean your aunt? Haha
Salty at him too dude, him and Eli are the reasons that the Giants are shit now. They don't realize they lost their prime years.
I live in Jacksonville, season ticket holder.... everyone who leaves gets superbowl ring... Coughlin, 2 rings w giants, Brunell, 1 ring with saints, Leftwhich, at least 1 with steelers..... we fire him he wins superbowls... 2-14, 4-12, 3-13 last 3 years. I sit at those games. feelsshitty.gif but yeah i cant stand him or Eli, or as I call him, forest gump. ironically i lived in Jersey City for 2 years a few years back and spent alot of time in NYC. met a girl who had a 6 ft by 3 ft giant face of Eli over her bed, only thing on her wall.... WTF.png
>not fingering your younger cousins ass as a teenager.

You must be new here.

Me and my cousin would fuck all the time when we were younger.
Have fun having sex for the first time and not getting hard because of the condom + anxiety virgin fag.
hey, at least you're not this guy.


I fingered my older cousin, faggot.
>be me
>be 21
>had a crush on this a girl since I was 16
>friendzoned for 5 years
>love her and can't spend a day without her
>also I want to make love to her
>she has a boyfriend
>he works in retail at some store
>I major in engineering at a decent state school
>she sends snapchats of her and him
>she shares sexual buzzfeed videos
>she knows I have feelings for her
>he's plowing his seed into her right now
>i got friendzoned and cucked
>still a virgin, not even that ugly
>please kill me
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Deserved it, nigger

Only honest story here, kudos to you my friend
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You da man.
where did all you (cock)gaggers come from.
The first memory I have, far before the internet or before I even experienced a computer, is of being a 60 year old homeless man. It is a dystopian looking future America, and I am rushing through a dilapidated shanty town of poverty and homelessness. It's bustling and I feel a sense of urgency. I finally turn down an empty alley-esque area and a man walks out. I know this man, he knows me. He escorts me over to a small shack where an outdated computer made out of obviously scavenged, trashy parts sits. I access the CPU and insert something I had been holding very tightly in my hands until this point. There is a flash of light. And my life begins.
Nice trips
I know.
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You're 21 and you play D&D. You should be in a constant state of embarrassment.
Was she hot?
>be out of town on business
>fapping to trap porn in hotel
>close lid
>didn't realize company laptops set to hibernate when lid closed, not shut down
>plug into projector next day
>power up
>trap porn from night before shows on wall
>100 people see
>uncomfortable laughs
>leave to "get something from car"
>don't return
>boss asks how did presentation go
Found your dubs m8.
>lust after girl for 2 years
>she wanted me bad too, I just never saw the signs
>one night asks to come over because he house is too far away
>she shows up with some whiskey and wine
>were both talking, playing Mario kart and I'm kicking her ass
>playful shoving
>turns into outright wrestling
>she's on top of me and we just stop
>starts marking out
>clothes flying off
>notice dick not getting hard
>no not now please
>she tries for 5 mins, gets frusterated and gives up
>"I gotta get going tho"
Whole next day think about how much of a failure I was. Now I've got this obsession that every time she's in town I ask if she wants to do something. I need redemption god damnit.
do you remember what the note said?
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omfg OP
Son of a bitch. That was me you framed you sack of shit.
Fuck. This makes me remember my own situation.

>niece visiting
>I try to be subtle and to fuck her
>she's 7 also
>I make short and subtle remarks to see what she thinks about sex and secrets
>knows nothing about it, is uninterested and she can't keep secrets
>just like I expected
>at night I take pics of her ass and pussy, I try to lick it but she moves and I can't risk
>fast forward two weeks
>one night I get drunk
>she wants to sleep with me
>I fap right in from of her
>she sees
>I ask her to touch my dick, she does it for a second
>I come, I fell asleep, I forgot
>next day
>in front of parents
>I suddenly remember and realise I didn't deal with this
>she remembers too
>she tells
>now my aunt hates the guts out me
>my parents forgived me through (they aren't innocent either...)
>aunt isolated herself from the rest of the family, she kept my grandmother away from my niece
>grandmother loves her much, she almost cracked under the pressure
>after over six months
>aunt calmed down
>next week grandmother will visit my niece
>grandmother thinks niece wanted to, but she doesn't care now who is guilty, she just wants to see her
>she is happy
>I'm peaceful now

Moral of the story (that my dad also confirmed): Kids cannot keep secrets. Wait until after 12 years old.

Anyway, I know I'm a pedo. I've always been. Actually, funny thing: after I learned to google porn, one of the first things I googled was "12 year old porn", because I was 12.
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