Hey /b/ros, Aus fag here - decided I'm going to shit all over some kids life.
Basically this kid has been talking smack to me for the last year and has now started flirting with my girlfriend. Of course I'm going to smack him around, but I think that's how I want to finish this.
I want to watch him scream and squirm from the shit that happens to him. If anyone has any ideas or thoughts throw them at me. Will keep an update on the shit storm I rain on him.
tl;dr - Gonna fuck with what used to be a friend, help a /b/ro out with some ideas on what to do
His last dog died about a week ago
Already decided I'm going to put his name up for every horney old man in my area, going to food bomb him, make an anonymous tip he's selling pirated software, take his facebook off the facebooks, remove his xbox live (cunt loves his xbox)
kidnap the human and remove his face with a scalpel, put it over your own and whisper sweet nothings into his ear as he looks into your eyes through his own eye holes as he bleeds to death
or kill his dog
do lots of little shitty things, superglue the fuck out of his front door lock when he goes to work or when he gets in, will fuck his day up big time.
lots of silly things like that, cut his phone line, smash 1 window every now and then, burst 2 of his tyres (not just 1 because then he can fit a spare)
things like that will really start to get to him after a while.
Don't punish animals for humans being faggots.
Wedge fish in air vents or in parts of his wheels. He won't know what the smell is and it'll stay there and get worse and worse.
Send him pineapples, put pineapples in his mailbox, pineapples on his door step, pineapples on his bed while he's gone, when he goes to the store, put pineapples on the shelves you know he will go look for stuff, etc
stick a piece of straw in the gas tank. (Britfag here the guys in the country do it to people they REALLY dislike) as you require getting the whole fuel pump disassembled to take this fucking piece of straw out.
>TLDR: straw in gas tank = win
replace his sugar with salt and his salt with sugar.
get a big potato and jam it in the exhaust.
make sure the tater is big enough to make it air-tight. even if its too big, you can jam it in and the sides will come off, the middle of the tater will go in and seal up the pipe.
also make sure to bring a thick stick or something to push it in far enough so he won't see it.
you could even stick a few taters in there for good measure.
>i've heard this really fucks up a car
Knock him out. With whatever, punch, kick, potion, get him in his sleep, whatever. Tie him up to a chair, in a large dark isolated building/area and make him watch the nastiest, brutal, disturbing, disgusting porn, make sure his eyes stay open, Until they're dried up as fuck.
Sounds great and all but he doesn't have a car that I can fuck with.
Also don't want to fuck with his house- plan on banging his sister and putting adverts up for a free inspection for a rental room for uni students in his house (he lives at his mummys still)
He use to like MLP, and niggers a virgin. Anyone got ideas on how I can play on these?
send him an official looking piece of paper from nearby hospital, make it look as real as possible (make appointment at hospital and copy letter style for extra points) telling him both his parents have died in a car accident.
even though it wont take long for him to figure out the bullshit the emotional turmoil until that point will be worth all the chocolate in Switzerland
Tools: Large rat, metal bucket, blow torch
strap him to a table, put rat on his stomach and bucket on top
ignite blow torch and heat up bucket
rat will get pissed off and start digging/eating through his stomach to escape the heat
This is just sad. Enough people have died on our roads, and one time my Mum nearly did too because some lazy mechanic basically did this.
>Cue related psychosis and I do not approve
You know what that picture says to me OP
>If you fuck me your kid will get my woman child genes and be tattooing cartoons on his face in his 40s
Fuck that. Give me a woman who is succeeding in life who has grown the fuck up and learned to live independently
im telling ya, costs a lot of shit to fix for just a piece of fucking straw.
let alone recovery costs as he wont be able to drive it, then when he gets it back let 2 tyres down.
knock him out somehow, tie him to a chair in a basement, pay a 40 year old gay man to grind on his face with a gag in his mouth.
tell the gay man that he likes boston steamers so he shits on his face.
tell the gay man that he likes the smell of sweat so he doesn't shower.
tell him to pee on him.
tell him to sit on his face.
then pry his fingernails off with a set of needle nose pliers and rub paper on the cuts.
don't give him paper cuts, just rub stuff where the nails were.
also pour a mixture of lemon juice and salt on them.
then tell him to stop talking to your girlfriend.
If he does get a car anytime soon, this is a must do on the list.
Also he works at a lawnmower repair shop, any way I could fuck with him with that that you guys can think of?
Booty for the support /b/ros
here is what you should do:
>get 2 tubs of cocoa mix
>get 5 gallon bucket
>or 10 liters or whatever, you guys use different shit down there
>mix all the cocoa up in the bucket with water
>make sure it's a thick mix (not so much water) - very paste-like
>fill two ziploc bags with the paste
>after school/class/whatever, grab the kid
>knock his ass down
>hold him down
>rip open his pants and underwears
>squeeze cocoa paste all over his balls
>stand up, stomp on his chest while yelling this:
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LIKE THAT, COCOA-NUTS? HUH COCOA-NUTS? SPEAK UP, COCOA-NUTS! HOW THE FUCKING FUCK DO YOU FUCKING LIKE THAT, COCOA-NUTS?
I like how edgy you're trying to be but please, at the least I could tie him up and watch me skin his family, throw the skin in a blender and force him to drink it.
Everytime he refuses, pry a finger off with a set of pliers and a hammer. Continues to refuse after he's lost his fingers? Do his toes. Then his feet. The skin around his wrist. His nerves in his arms, and finally turn him into a head on a stick.
And you're worried about him flirting with your gf... I think you're the mlp loving virgin and you're just trying to make yourself feel better. Do us a favor and kill your self.
room rental thing is pretty good, especially if you put it up somewhere that will get a lot of view and make it crazy cheap with all the perks.
keep mailing him mlp porn addressed to his mom.
send him pizzas
give out his phone number on craigslist/facebook/local news paper for all sorts of random stuff (E.g. free widescreen tv for collection only, free quotes on bathroom renovation with garunteed ability to beat any other quote shit that will get a lot of hits accross most demographs)
OP do this!
>it wont cause any real damage to the vehicle, but it will keep the engine from running at all.
and if you wanna do some damage you could always slash his tires (be careful, the air pressure can shoot the knife out and slice up your hand pretty bad. just get a good grip and do a quick jab) or you could key his car, or if you can pop the hood somehow, just open er up and start cutting wires
You need to learn to resolve conflict with others in a healthy way.
Think about this. The same extreme jump you're making right now in this situation to wanting to mess up the car is the same kind of thing that got this situation so bad in the first place. You're being way too over reactive and letting your emotions snowball fast. Nothing is worth breaking the law to destroy somebody elses property to get back at them.
And on top of that it makes you a coward if you do it. You can't deal with your anger or with them so you have to lash out on something they own. Its a very weak immature sad thing to do and you should vow to stop doing it.
Instead of going absolutely nuts over nothing you should find this person and fix this to where you both walk away happy and ok with eachother.
Like most functioning adults who aren't fucking nuts jobs
> slash top of tires and fill with cement
> tie wet rope to the positive and negative things on the battery
for the rest go to #14 http://www.freeinfosociety.com/pdfs/misc/anarchistcookbook2000.pdf
if you really wanna fuck someone up then stop being cunts about it.
inject his eyes with animal fecal matter (no dna trace to you)
burst his eardrums with knitting needles or a drill, then break his legs with a crowbar and call the ambulance with his location from a payphone (after you remove all evidence of course, and hide your identity from him at all times before he is deaf blind and crippled).
See how "Chipper" he will be feeling when deaf/blind/crippled he would most likely attempt suicide. that would be the worst way to live your life in my opinion
he didn't make this thread to get preached at. you're not being helpful you're being a cunt. Also he probably wont do any of this anyway, it's just funny seeing the shit people suggest.
it won't damage the car, it basically stops any exhaust from leaving the system, therefore leaving no room for more gas in the pistons. so the car wouldn't be able to start. but it will leave him confused and frustrated as long as he doesnt find the potato.
Nope, losing cool and letting some douche rustle you is beta af. If op was a real man he would be confident he was the better man no matter what douchey things the other guy did. High road is always alpha, anything else is beta child talk. Get real
if you put it in the gas tank it will sit in the tank and get sucked into the fuel pump, this will jam the valve open causing it to cease working properly - flooding the engine i would guess - you can't drive car - take it to garage - takes days to figure out what the fuck the problem is - costing a shit ton of money in labor and sanity
This guy gets me
Undecided if I'm going to try and do any of this - in the meantime I'm trying to patch up as the good friends we used to be, but if he arcs up again or continues talking smack- game on
get some tiger balm, or other capsaicin based ointments, or the capsaicin pills, and start putting it on his shit. books, glasses, shoelaces, car door, anything you can get to. doesnt hurt, and next time he rubs his eye, pisses, or picks his nose, que fire.
I think the first thing you need to do is not be such a fucking beta faggot pussy. Maybe then your "gf" wouldn't be talking to other guys because you might actually satisfy her for once.
so he's talking smack to you and flirting with your girlfriend, and instead of manning up and confronting him you decide to act like a passive aggressive bitch?
just let us know how that works out for you, ylyl threads are in dying need of some oc.
amen to this. OP is a pussy. Every single thing he suggested avoided saying anything to this guys face.
TLDR you're as bad as your friend. Now post your gf's nudes or fuck off.
put bologna on their hood, shove potatoes up the muffler, then wrap very thick seran wrap around all of it, wheels, doors, etc, then wrap really thick seran wrap around his and his neighbors mailbox, and when he goes to pull out it will either rip their mailboxes out of the ground or just stop his car and it will be annoying
TURN HIS WATER MAINS OFF THEN POUR CONCRETE IN THE BOX