I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.
When the priest (presuming you have a priest/minister) says "you are now wed in holy matrimony" Yell "Shit's gonna be pretty fucking UNholy once i drag this janky-hoe into the bedroom, IF YAKNOW WHAT I MEAN" then raise your hand to the minister for a high-five that you both know isn't going to happen.
Then keep it there and try to break the inevitable awkward silence with a "come on bro, up-top" and/or "for real, she's a fucking weirdo in bed though"
If you buy a Hebrew slave, he is to serve for only six years. Set him free in the seventh year, and he will owe you nothing for his freedom. If he was single when he became your slave and then married afterward, only he will go free in the seventh year. But if he was married before he became a slave, then his wife will be freed with him. If his master gave him a wife while he was a slave, and they had sons or daughters, then the man will be free in the seventh year, but his wife and children will still belong to his master. But the slave may plainly declare, 'I love my master, my wife, and my children. I would rather not go free.' If he does this, his master must present him before God. Then his master must take him to the door and publicly pierce his ear with an awl. After that, the slave will belong to his master forever. (Exodus 21:2-6 NLT)
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suit case and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my Walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.
But wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that
Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air
Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested yet
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, homes to Bel Air'
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
"I've always wanted to have anal sex and tonight, guess who's getting some?! Haha, but no seriously guys. I have something serious I wanna talk about. I always thought that my best man was pretty attractive and I wanted to hear your opinions on what you think about him. Doesn't he look beautiful today? God damn, look at his junk in them pants. Jesus fucking Christ, I'd fuck that. Hard - just lube me up and call me a nigger cuz I want his tongue in me."
Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and finally, strike them. But if they obey you, seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
The avocado (Persea americana) is a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel. Avocado or alligator pear also refers to the fruit, botanically a large berry that contains a single seed.
Avocados are commercially valuable and are cultivated in tropical and Mediterranean climates throughout the world. They have a green-skinned, fleshy body that may be pear-shaped, egg-shaped, or spherical. Commercially, they ripen after harvesting. Trees are partially self-pollinating and often are propagated through grafting to maintain a predictable quality and quantity of the fruit.
National Bird of Pakistan. The Chukar (Alectoris chukar) is a Eurasian upland game bird in the pheasant family Phasianidae of the order Galliformes, gallinaceous birds. Its native habitat ranges in Asia from Pakistan and Kashmir, India and Afghanistan.
Instead of smashing the first bite of cake in her face, unzip your pants and flop your dick in it and while everyone watches in awe and amazement quickly hit her in the face with the dick cake. It'll be a wonderful story to pass on through the generations. You're welcome.
We have gathered you hewre today and have a party to tell you that two adults who were living together are throwing a party, and will continue to live together.
I choose to live not in love necessarily, but with this strange woman. Not in monogammy either, but together still, her and I. That is, at least until the inevitable divorce. Look at us, at me, at her. All of you, hopeless.
Whatever it is you have come here to celebrate, I do not know. We are all just going through the motions at this point. Is it at all noble to suffer this fate for life unto death?
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
I feel really bad OP. Sorry for rolling quads but you have to obey. It is the rules.