Lets keep this alive (b)ros. I need to know im not alone :/
I actually wanted to ask you little dudes this very question. Why do u guys start these threads, instead of resigning ur selves to a fate of sitting behind that screen, why don't ya'll fucking do something about it and go fuck some shit up?
>severe existential crisis lasting the past year
>physical health is shit
>mental health is shit
>might have schizophrenia
>realize that someone who I thiught was my best friend doesn't give a shit about me
>never felt this horrible ever
Why even fucking live?
>tfw ex who you finnaly got over consciously still gave you PTSD
>Punched through door and stabbed it multiple times yesterday due to hearing the three things that set me off from my cousin-in-laws bday party yesterday
>Having a family, love, kids (always wanted them, don't hate em)
Hands bruised but not broken, need to be shitting with the door open for a while.
All you faggots are to be executed for sense offense. Feeling is a crime!
Seriously... you all are a bunch of pussies... for fucks sake stop feeling so goddamned sorry for yourselves and change some fucking things about you that drive people away. To put it simply: Don't be so fucking reatrded and needy and maybe you will make a few friends.
It's the first time I've actually vented my anger in my life, I always felt being angry was pointless because it would hurt someone either emotionally of physically so I became kind of a sponge of depression because all the anger rebounded back at myself.
Took a lot of shit my whole life and tried to be nice, never worked out.
I hate this one, breaks someones heart to fuck someone hotter when she dies he gets back with the first girl but he's still torn up about the other slam piece?
Just a selfish prick it seems to me.
Oh well, no good deed goes unpunished as they say
It is difficult when you contain all your anger within yourself
you either become a sponge of depression or all your pent up anger is released all at once after a long time
it might be an idea trying to find ways to release anger healthily. exercise is a good way to release anger
Started doing laps in the neighborhood pool twice a day, taking multivitamins and some thermogenics. Haven't been able to in a few days since I have a cold(I think, sore throat and some congestion, bit spacey but that's it.) Sucks because my underwater mp3 player came today as well, was looking forward to it.
Been feeling a hell of a lot better since I started, still get thoughts of homicide and suicide but they don't bother me as much as they used to.
My father passed on February 15, 1992 after contracting HIV from a blood transfusion in the 80s. I was five years old. I have few memories of him, maybe twelve decent pictures, a compass and a knife that I inherited from him... I have his hair, his smile, his cheekbone structure, his sense of humor, and a letter he wrote me when he realized his health was deteriorating. I will always miss my dad... I've transcribed the letter. It has brought me immeasurable comfort over the years. Best wishes.
Seldom in my life have I been lost for words as I am now. I still remember when I held you in my arms for the first time. Your little hand may have grasped my finger, but it captured my heart. I have been the best father I knew how to be. Raising you and your sister has been the most rewarding experience in my life.
This world is filled with so many things that I wish I could be there for you to experience, but that is not how it will play out. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for leaving you. It was never my intention, and if there was anything I could do to prevent it, please believe that I would.
There will be days when you blame God, me, and maybe your mom. You will curse and scream and cry, but you won't find any answers in anger. The measure of a man is not what he owns but how he owns himself. Accept that I have passed, and know that I will always be with you. No matter what you do in life, you will always be my son. I am proud of you. Keep after your mother and sister while I'm gone.
I love you.
I just slacked on working out today so making up for it now bro
I love these threads, kind of therapeutic in a way. Helps me reflect on my own past and what I'm doing to improve it.
Used to be an obese little fucker and now I'm finally where I want to be. It's amazing how much a healthy lifestyle impacts the mind. At least that's what I've found in my own experience.
Found this sign in a gutter where some of the homeless live.
You know how annoying it is when evrybody loves the thing you hate?
It's happening to me but the thing I hate is myself.
I want to end myself but I know if I do, everybody around me will be emotionally torn.
I know it's a shit thing to say, but It's times like this I feel jealous of people who have nothing.
Start something simple, just do pushups or crunches or something each morning
>Dumping my feels folder
Not much but it'll keep the thread alive for lurkers.
Sure you can afford 30 minutes a day, even though it's not much it'll still have an impact on your body.
Hit me hard anon. That's a beautiful letter, thanks for sharing. I just lost my dad in December so those feels are still fresh. I'm sorry you didn't get more memories with him.
Just add 5 more, You stupid fuck.
Whats a mater with you. CANT COUNT TO SIX
Be good if I put a picture with it, tool.
>be 5 years old
>both dad and i love cars
>we both want to get this porsche something hes wanted since he was a kid
>he saves up money
>i draw a picture of him and i with the porsche
>my mom calls my dad
>i soon start hearing them fight
>i ignore it and keep drawing until i doze off to sleep
>next morning i find my drawing
>in the trash and ripped to pieces
>mom tells me dad didnt like it
>i start crying
>two months later mom and dad get a divorce
>my dad keeps the house and isnt allowed to see me
>i move into a new house and i get a new dad
>12 years pass
>17 years old
>find out dad dies from heart problems
>i dont care
>go to his funeral dont shed a single tear
>2 weeks later we go to his house to get his belongings
>i head toward the garage
>inside was the same exact porsche him and i wanted
>untouched and covered in dust
>decided to inspect it
>look at the glove compartment
>its the picture with all the pieces expertly taped together
>it turns out my mom ripped it and he went thru the trash to get all the pieces to tape it back together
>i start crying my eyes out
>i dont talk to my mom anymore
i still own the porsche and i plan to never sell it
>pic related my dads gravestone i requested them to engrave a picture of his car
Sure, when you look at the writer as a one-dimensional character. Obviously, he had an intense emotional bond to Ella (the someone hotter) and he came home to find out she died in a brutal car wreck. He didn't get back with Girl #1 until two years after. You need to develop some empathy, man.
I guess I'm just a one love kind of guy, been 6 years I'm yet to meet another person to feel a spark with.
Maybe I'm a little broken, but isn't that the reason we're all here?
Things like that should be kept personal to you /b/ro, I'm sure it's beautiful all the same.
May have some images in the wrong folder, more of a motivational that one.
Awh well. Still posting
I remember the first time I met you. Just another drunk Saturday night at Nick’s apartment. I didn’t pay much attention to you that night because I thought, well, there’s another girl out of my league. Another friend of a friend I’d probably see once or twice again, befriend on facebook, and never really give a shit about. How wrong was I, haha. We kept making awkward eye contact for a while, so I came up to you all confident, trying to think of some smart bullshit to say. Nick has always had a thing for ridiculously smart girls. I remember walking up to you and Lauren, saying hey, and the two of you bursting out laughing immediately.
Still laughing, you said,
“You’ve had ranch on your face for, like, 30 minutes now.”
What a first impression.
“Awh, fuck.” I started to laugh along with y’all, rubbing my face, “Is that why you two have been staring at me all night?”
“Yep,” Lauren said, “Just judging the absolute shit out of you.”
“Well you’re one to talk with that fuckin’ spilled beer on your shirt!”
“Yeah, but I’m not a fuckin’ idiot, at least I know it’s there!”
“God damn it,” I stopped rubbing, “Did I get it?”
“Nope,” You said, still laughing. “Here, let me help you.”
You washed a paper towel and got the goddamn ranch off my face.
“You know,” I said, “with you staring at me, I was beginning to think that you thought I was cute.”
“Nope, just clueless, haha…There, all better.”
“You know,” you said, “we only told you that because we’re your friend. It’s like…if you had a booger on your face, you’d want someone to tell you.”
“Haha, yeah, I feel you.”
“But you might have been a little right, though.”
“Well…you can have ranch on your face and still be cute.”
“Oh really?” I dipped my finger in some ranch and put some on your face.
“Yeah, I guess that is true.” I said, laughing
“Fuckin’ asshole!” Now it was you wiping the ranch off your face, embarrassed, but still laughing.
“Riley, get ready. Steph is here, we need to go.” Lauren said.
You turned to me,
“Hey, I gotta go, I’ll see you around…Michael, right?”
“Yeah, Michael. Riley, right?
“Yeah, I’ll see ya. Nice meeting you.”
“Nice meeting you.”
And you were gone. I remember drinking my beer right after that thinking, ‘Jesus, man. That girl..”
this thread lets me realise that i should show more affection to my parents but somehow i cant explitely show them that i do appreciate what they do (they care a lot about me). i do realise that but i can never ventilate my appreciation... i hate it.
We hung out a couple more times. I got to know you. And holy shit were you cool.
Remember the time we found out we liked each other? Goddamn, what a good night. It was at the bar, and I remember going up to Lauren,
“Hey, Lauren. Isn’t Riley just…kind of fuckin’ awesome?”
“Yeah, no shit. Why do you think we’re best friends? Haha.”
“Haha, yeah. I dunno. It’s just.” I remember telling her, straight from my heart, the way I felt around you, “When she walks into the room, there’s just this energy, you know? And suddenly, I dunno, the music gets better, the beer I’m drinking doesn’t taste as bitter. She’s just fun to be around, you know? With every other girl, I’m just fumbling over my words. I can’t even think of what to say next. I get nervous. But not with her. There’s always something to talk about. And what we talk about, it doesn’t even matter because she’s just there. She’s next to me and I get to talk and be with her.”
“Holy shit, stop. You’re adorable.”
“Lauren, I have a huge crush on her, obviously. Should I….do anything about that?”
“Yeah,” we both looked at you. You smiled and waved. “Because she has a crush on you, too.”
My heart was light as a feather. I was so happy. I went over to the guys, and Laura went to talk to you. I got carried away in a conversation with them. But when you guys needed to leave, I remember seeing you, and both of us were just smiling at each other, not saying anything, just beaming. We just knew.
“Hey, listen I gotta go.” You said.
“Yeah, hey, uh, do you wanna hang out sometime, you and me?”
“Yeah, I’d love that.”
We kept beaming.
“UGHH, Riley let’s GO!” Lauren said.
You hugged me, and I hugged you back…but you held on for that one extra second. And that second felt like forever. When you left, I was floating on a cloud with this fleeting, beautiful feeling. Goddamn, was I infatuated.
Speaking of the bar, though, you know what my favorite us moment there was? When we first started going out, this one time I looked at you and said,
“Hey Riley, what’s it like?”
“What’s it like?”
“…What’re you talking about?”
“What’s it like knowing you’re the most beautiful girl in this bar?”
You smiled and shook your head.
“Awh, so sweet..” You looked at me dreamily and asked, “Hey Michael?”
“What’s it like?”
I scoffed, “What?”
“What’s it like knowing you’re the biggest faggot in this bar?”
Tears from laughing so hard.
“Yeah, hey bartender! Get this kid a sex-on-the-beach, he just came out of the closet!.”
Jokes on you, bitch. That was the best sex-on-the-beach I’ve ever had, ahaha.
I don't think I can bear to read through this thread without drinking myself to pass out since I have work tomorrow.
I just got a call from my best friend and co-worker 5 minutes ago that an elderly lady that lives nearby and comes into work every day, has been for the past 53 years without missing a beat, just passed away from a heart attack last night.
She was the spitting image of my grandmother, whom was basically my mother in my life growing up. I don't know how to feel, /b/. Tomorrow is going to be very somber. It will be for many weeks...
I remember our first kiss. We were at Joe’s place downtown, close to the river. It was nighttime in the high rise, and we could see the whole city bustling below us.
“C’mon, I wanna show you something.”
“My favorite spot in the city.”
We walked down Michigan ave. and got to the bridge across from the Trump tower, remember? The city was gleaming in its lights. We stopped right in the middle, the river below us, its rippling waves reflecting the city lights a thousand times over. It was cold, and I loved seeing you in the cold because I love the way your nose gets all red. And you have the cutest sniffles I think anyone could possibly have. You looked out.
“So beautiful,” you said.
“Yeah,” I replied, looking right at you, “you are.”
We locked eyes, and leaned in, slowly at first, but then fast. It was the deepest kiss I’d ever gotten from anyone. And it’ll always be my favorite. I remember there was a saxophone street performer in the background. That moment was perfect. I was so cold, but my heart was so warm.
my first gf who I still loved and was trying to get back told me she found someone new like 2 weeks ago
I cut all contact and ignored every text/call from her
why do I all of a sudden feel so shitty I felt great yesterday why am I suddely thinking about it this much
I remember the first time I told you I loved you. It was kind of out of the blue. I remember I was doing dishes. You came up behind me and gave me a hug from behind. I turned off the faucet and turned around. You kept hugging me, your head pressed against my chest. And I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“I love you.”
You looked up, “I love you back, Michael.”
And we kissed. For a while, too.
We said it all the time, but in hindsight now, it wasn’t often enough.. And you always said in reply, “I love you back.” I began saying it, too. ‘I love you back.’ I remember one day stopping you and asking, “Why don’t you ever say ‘I love you, too?’”
“Because it doesn’t make grammatical sense.”
“Well, if you think about it, it only makes sense as a reply if someone says, ‘I love me.’ ‘I love you, too.’ But if it’s reciprocal and a mutual feeling, ‘I love you back.’ It makes more sense.”
Fucking English majors, man.
There were all these little moments in our relationship...Like, I remember one night when I was sleeping over, you woke me up at, like, 2 or 3 in the morning.
“Ugh, what?” I groaned.
“Just come on, follow me.”
You led me to the kitchen. “No Surprises” by Radiohead was playing softly on the radio, not loud enough to wake anyone.
“Riley, what is-“
“Shhh.” You pressed your finger against my lips.
It was dark, I mean, d-a-r-k. We couldn’t see a thing. You grabbed my hands and put them on your hips. Then I felt the warmth of your arms against my neck, and felt you begin to sway to the music. I swayed with you. It was just us in darkness, slowdancing to Radiohead. When the song ended, you stopped. You grabbed my face and bent it down towards you, then kissed my forehead for a long time.
“Thank you. That’s all I wanted. You can go back to bed now.”
Little moments like that made up our relationship. I can’t even begin to describe how happy I was when I was with you. I can remember so much of everything. The countless sleepovers, the all-night-long sex marathons. The Netflix season-a-day binge watching of Breaking Bad, How I Met Your Mother and The Office. The Robin Williams/Kevin Spacey/Quentin Tarantino movie marathons. The endless Vines and YouTube videos. I remember the fights, the food, the drinks, the laughs. Meeting your parents for the first time, you meeting mine. The countless inside jokes we never let people in on. The socials with Nick and Lauren and Joe and Kevin and Hannah.. The text message conversations, the Snapchats and selfies. Playing with the dogs. Bringing over food when you were on your period, you making me soup and crackers when I had the flu. You helping me with midterms. The all night study sessions. The naps on the red couch. The coffees. The video games, going to the mall, the movies, the bowling alley with everyone even though we were all awful. The parties. Us spending half our paychecks every weekend at the bar. Going to your musicals. Seeing the Chicago Symphony orchestra. The out-of-nowhere kisses.
I remember it all.
I don't usually post, just lurk, felt like sharing what I had tonight.
Then everything happened.
I remember the sound of the impact. The boom. And everything happened in an instant. The screech of the tires, the complete loss of control. When the car pulled to a stop. I remember the bloody taste of copper in my mouth, the sharp stinging in my left leg. I remember the smell of the twisted metal, the burning plastic, and the gasoline spilled on the street. I looked at you. You hit your head of the car window, and blood was dripping down your face. You looked at me, and with the faintest voice asked,
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, Riley. I’m fine,” I lied.
I held back my tears. I tried my best to not scream from the pain. I didn’t want you to freak out.
You started to cry, “Am…Am I okay?”
“Yes, baby, you’re fine,” I lied again.
I started to hear sirens,
“Help is coming, alright, Ri?”
“Michael…I can’t see anything.” You looked around the car looking really confused and frightened.
“Don’t worry, Riley, don’t worry. Everything is ok.”
Then you said something I’ll never forget.
“Michael, I can’t do this.” You breathed heavily, and started to fade. You fainted.
Tears came flowing out of me. Every time I jerked when I cried, sharp pain on my left side. As the sirens got louder, I started to black out.
I woke up about 5 minutes later in the ambulance. Everything was happening around me like a scene in ER.
“Riley, Riley, where is she? Is she alright?”
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.” The ambulance medic told me.
I leaned back and just wept.
Fast forward to 3 days later. I was finally well enough to leave my room. You were the first and only person I wanted to see.
I walked in. Your head was wrapped, and both of your eyes were black. You had tubes in your nose. The pain I felt in my heart seeing you like that was just…insurmountable. It was infinitesimally worse than any physical pain by the accident. Broken bones I could handle…seeing you like that, I could barely do it. You were asleep, so I sat there and held your hand until you woke. I had my phone, and I played “No Surprises,” by Radiohead over and over and over again. I wanted it to be the first thing you hear when you wake up.
I saw your eyes open. They were glossy and red. I could tell you were in pain, and just like in the car, the tears flowed out of my eyes to see you like that.
“W-Who?” Your voice was soft and scratchy.
“Riley it’s me, Michael.” I said through the tears.
“Hey…loser.” You smiled.
I smiled through my tears,
“Hey, Ri. I’m here.”
You could barely breathe through the syllables.
“Riley, I’m absolutely fine…I love you so much, Riley. I love you so much…You’re gonna be alright, okay?”
“Ilove…you.” You inhaled sharply for the last word, “back.”
“Just get some rest, Riley. I’ll be here.”
You nodded and when you closed your eyes, and tears fell down the sides of your face.
I squeezed your hand, and went outside. Your parents, my mother, Nick, and Laura were out there. All of them crying. They told me that the times you’d come to, you said my name, and only my name. Each of them hugged me, except your father, and went into the room to see you.
Little did I know that those were the last words we’d ever say to each other ever again. Had I known that at the time, I probably would’ve said something different.
Your wake was nice. It was difficult to go through all the pictures of us, but I managed. Oh, as a side note, you were a really cute baby. They let me pick the music. Talking to family and friends wasn’t difficult. Many tears were shed at the beginning in private with everyone, but it ended up being not that bad of a time. It was a beautiful day to have the worst day of my life. Your mom offered that I could stand in line with them to shake people’s hands, but I denied. I couldn’t have done that.
Your mother is a strong woman, you know. So is your dad. At the wake, your father and I both had tears in our eyes and he gave me a firm long handshake. He told me,
“You know, I never liked you…but now I wish I had. Because you made my little girl so happy.”
I broke the handshake and hugged him. It caught him off guard, but he hugged me back.
After everything, it was me, Nick, Lauren, and Hannah drinking at the bar. We bought everyone a round. They paused the music and everyone got quit for our toast to you. Nobody dare sat in your favorite barstool.
I visited the corner where we crashed the other day.. I always find a way around it when I’m driving…I just can’t revisit the memory sometimes. It’s been months, but there’s still broken glass and chunks of plastic on the street from the cars.
Sometimes I remember when my first girlfriend wrote me a letter while in class about how much she loved me and all the hopes she had with me in the future. When she gave it to me, she was sort of reluctant and embarrassed. She was actually surprised when I was moved by it, since she was one of the few times she let her really girly side leak out.
So much for all that hope and dreams since she broke up with me a couple months later for shit life reasons. Was couple months after she dumped me that I found the letter in my pesonal shit. By that time i was still burning by events that had transpired so I shoved it in my mouth, chewed it, hocked a thick loogy, and spat it in the toilet.
It was therapeutic I tell you, but I sometimes saddened by the fact that there will probably never be anyone that enamored with me ever again.
Well whatever. Life goes on.. for whatever reason.
Dude how are you not on dope and shit to deal with all this?
I had a friend jump in front of the Metra like 10 years ago. And that funeral and shit I still can't get over, bunch of 16yo kids carrying a casket. And another dude I knew caught a stray bullet in Logan Square a few days ago. I wasn't nearly as close to either of these two people and I still wanna run from the thoughts anytime I get em.
>every day I wish I didn't wake up so soon
>things were so much better in my head
>I try to go back to sleep
>I eventually, and begrudgingly, stand up off the floor I slept on after going back to sleep 3 or 4 more times (no job, obligations, friends, family to tend to)
>I stare at my room, papers, instruments, paints, the shit I just throw on the floor, and think about my past ventures I set foot then eventually gave up on
>think of why I gave them up
>a girl lost and never chased, a habit formed and never broken
>spend a few minutes in a fog and listen to white noise
>not yet ready to pick up where I left off I look at my old tv, my old xbox, and just play silly games
>a therapy of sorts
>trying to pretend I matter and actually exist in the videogame
>using my well endowed imagination I create stories of my own on how to rehash the ideas and concepts used, and form theories on how to design addictive game mechanics and storylines, ones that you could make a million off of
>if only I would try
>eventually I make it to my desk
>there I spy on my shelf filled with half-unread books; guides, tutorials, references, and manuals
>don't know where to start any more
>i've gone down so many alleys I almost can't
>try not to stress about it and just imagine, but ideas are too tough to recall from before much less get in print
I repeat this every fucking day, in the evenings I go to bars and walk the nightlife. Then just before I go to bed my brain fucking explodes with vivid detail of how to start and what to write. So much goes through my mind and I can see it all happen in my minds eye, but I'm just too fucking worn out to get up to my desk and get it down. i die a little inside every time
I think about us every day. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think of you. But I really need to say goodbye. I’m taking down most of the photos of us around the apartment…I just can’t bear to look at them anymore, Riley. Don’t worry, you’re still tagged in all the photos on facebook. There’s one picture I’m keeping, and I got it framed. It’s the picture of us from the bar, the night I found out you liked me.
I miss you.
Sometimes it's nice to feel Captain Baitman.
I have a great social life sometimes it's nice to read shit like this and appreciate what I've got.
I'm all out now guys, if anybody else would like to takeover that'd be nice, I'm not ready to sleep just yet.
>Drinking coffee at 3am
I dunno, man. Everyone deals with death a diffrerent way. Idk if I've moved on, but here's the thing. I think about her every day of my life. At first it was tragic, but then it just became, I dunno, reluctant. Now when the memory visits me, I feel nostalgic, as opposed to feeling grief, if that makes sense.
I'll dump a few, it's 4 AM here but I don't give a fuck
if anyone wants to get something off their chest, go for it