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>>609775599 sure. Here is how I feel. It's an early summer, warm in most of the US right now, very sunny where I am, and faggots are coming here to whine that they are destined to be virgins. Fuck off. Go outside and try to have some fun.
i suffer with other peoples happiness. i help other people to make them happy, so i can suffer with that happiness. i don't want to see them happy, but i want to suffer more than i don't want to see them happy. yesterday, the only one girl i like in the whole world told me how great is her bestfriend. she tells me how important i'm to her, but as i can see, her bestfriend is more important than i'm. it bitters me how much she loves him. but, she's sad cause he has to leave the town, and says things would be very different for them is he hadn't to leave. so, i helped her to not be sad and said some advices of how she can be happy with him. since she doesn't like me as she likes her bestfirend (who also likes her) i would never want to see them happy together. but i want to suffer more than that. i helped the only one girl i like in the world to be happy with the guy she likes most
>>609784376 > For the acoholics drinking themselves into amnesia to forget someone who left That really got me, my grandma recently died to cancer and my granddad has been drinking like a hole in the ground since then, and it's really affecting my life and my mums. Instant tears.
I'm still not over my ex girlfriend of 3 years. She passed away out of nowhere about 8 months ago, but I'm still not over it. I wrote her a letter, and I'm thinking of putting it on her grave. Does /b/ wanna see the letter or nahh?
>be me >be 21, working a shitty retail job in a student city >Get new temporary staff quite often, nobody really bothers to get to know them as they're not here long anyway >Time for another new batch >Usual mix of student types >One girl stands out, doesn't seem to be say too much, spend most of her time smiling seemingly at nothing. >Work different shifts, forget all about her >Two months later, most of the new batch have left, working all sorts of shifts to cover the gaps >Come to work as usual, tired as shit, irritable >Sat in the lunch room looking like death, in she walks >Doesn't say a thing >Sits opposite me >Smiles that fucking smile >feelsgoodman >Gets her stuff and leaves
That was her last day, I never spoke to her, I'll never see her again, but that among the closest I've felt to anyone.
I remember the first time I met you. Just another drunk Saturday night at Nick’s apartment. I didn’t pay much attention to you that night because I thought, well, there’s another girl out of my league. Another friend of a friend I’d probably see once or twice again, befriend on facebook, and never really give a shit about. How wrong was I, haha. We kept making awkward eye contact for a while, so I came up to you all confident, trying to think of some smart bullshit to say. Nick has always had a thing for ridiculously smart girls. I remember walking up to you and Lauren, saying hey, and the two of you bursting out laughing immediately.
>>609787452 “What?” Still laughing, you said, “You’ve had ranch on your face for, like, 30 minutes now.” What a first impression. “Awh, fuck.” I started to laugh along with y’all, rubbing my face, “Is that why you two have been staring at me all night?” “Yep,” Lauren said, “Just judging the absolute shit out of you.” Laughter. “Well you’re one to talk with that fuckin’ spilled beer on your shirt!” “Yeah, but I’m not a fuckin’ idiot, at least I know it’s there!” “God damn it,” I stopped rubbing, “Did I get it?” “Nope,” You said, still laughing. “Here, let me help you.” You washed a paper towel and got the goddamn ranch off my face. “You know,” I said, “with you staring at me, I was beginning to think that you thought I was cute.” “Nope, just clueless, haha…There, all better.” “Thanks.” “You know,” you said, “we only told you that because we’re your friend. It’s like…if you had a booger on your face, you’d want someone to tell you.” “Haha, yeah, I feel you.” “But you might have been a little right, though.” “About what.” “Well…you can have ranch on your face and still be cute.” “Oh really?” I dipped my finger in some ranch and put some on your face. “The f-…HEY!!!” “Yeah, I guess that is true.” I said, laughing “Fuckin’ asshole!” Now it was you wiping the ranch off your face, embarrassed, but still laughing. “Riley, get ready. Steph is here, we need to go.” Lauren said. You turned to me, “Hey, I gotta go, I’ll see you around…Michael, right?” “Yeah, Michael. Riley, right? “Yeah.” “Yeah, I’ll see ya. Nice meeting you.” “Nice meeting you.” And you were gone. I remember drinking my beer right after that thinking, ‘Jesus, man. That girl..”
>>609787573 We hung out a couple more times. I got to know you. And holy shit were you cool. Remember the time we found out we liked each other? Goddamn, what a good night. It was at the bar, and I remember going up to Lauren, “Hey, Lauren. Isn’t Riley just…kind of fuckin’ awesome?” “Yeah, no shit. Why do you think we’re best friends? Haha.” “Haha, yeah. I dunno. It’s just.” I remember telling her, straight from my heart, the way I felt around you, “When she walks into the room, there’s just this energy, you know? And suddenly, I dunno, the music gets better, the beer I’m drinking doesn’t taste as bitter. She’s just fun to be around, you know? With every other girl, I’m just fumbling over my words. I can’t even think of what to say next. I get nervous. But not with her. There’s always something to talk about. And what we talk about, it doesn’t even matter because she’s just there. She’s next to me and I get to talk and be with her.” “Holy shit, stop. You’re adorable.” “Lauren, I have a huge crush on her, obviously. Should I….do anything about that?” “Yeah,” we both looked at you. You smiled and waved. “Because she has a crush on you, too.”
>>609787668 My heart was light as a feather. I was so happy. I went over to the guys, and Laura went to talk to you. I got carried away in a conversation with them. But when you guys needed to leave, I remember seeing you, and both of us were just smiling at each other, not saying anything, just beaming. We just knew. “Hey, listen I gotta go.” You said. “Yeah, hey, uh, do you wanna hang out sometime, you and me?” “Yeah, I’d love that.” We kept beaming. “UGHH, Riley let’s GO!” Lauren said. You hugged me, and I hugged you back…but you held on for that one extra second. And that second felt like forever. When you left, I was floating on a cloud with this fleeting, beautiful feeling. Goddamn, was I infatuated. Speaking of the bar, though, you know what my favorite us moment there was? When we first started going out, this one time I looked at you and said, “Hey Riley, what’s it like?” “What?” “What’s it like?” “…What’re you talking about?” “What’s it like knowing you’re the most beautiful girl in this bar?” You smiled and shook your head. “Awh, so sweet..” You looked at me dreamily and asked, “Hey Michael?” “Yeah?” “What’s it like?” I scoffed, “What?” “What’s it like knowing you’re the biggest faggot in this bar?” Tears from laughing so hard. “Yeah, hey bartender! Get this kid a sex-on-the-beach, he just came out of the closet!.” Jokes on you, bitch. That was the best sex-on-the-beach I’ve ever had, ahaha.
>>609787837 I remember our first kiss. We were at Joe’s place downtown, close to the river. It was nighttime in the high rise, and we could see the whole city bustling below us. “C’mon, I wanna show you something.” “What?” “My favorite spot in the city.” We walked down Michigan ave. and got to the bridge across from the Trump tower, remember? The city was gleaming in its lights. We stopped right in the middle, the river below us, its rippling waves reflecting the city lights a thousand times over. It was cold, and I loved seeing you in the cold because I love the way your nose gets all red. And you have the cutest sniffles I think anyone could possibly have. You looked out. “So beautiful,” you said. “Yeah,” I replied, looking right at you, “you are.” We locked eyes, and leaned in, slowly at first, but then fast. It was the deepest kiss I’d ever gotten from anyone. And it’ll always be my favorite. I remember there was a saxophone street performer in the background. That moment was perfect. I was so cold, but my heart was so warm.
>>609787924 I remember the first time I told you I loved you. It was kind of out of the blue. I remember I was doing dishes. You came up behind me and gave me a hug from behind. I turned off the faucet and turned around. You kept hugging me, your head pressed against my chest. And I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I love you.” You looked up, “I love you back, Michael.” And we kissed. For a while, too. We said it all the time, but in hindsight now, it wasn’t often enough.. And you always said in reply, “I love you back.” I began saying it, too. ‘I love you back.’ I remember one day stopping you and asking, “Why don’t you ever say ‘I love you, too?’” “Because it doesn’t make grammatical sense.” “How?” “Well, if you think about it, it only makes sense as a reply if someone says, ‘I love me.’ ‘I love you, too.’ But if it’s reciprocal and a mutual feeling, ‘I love you back.’ It makes more sense.” Fucking English majors, man.
>>609787996 There were all these little moments in our relationship...Like, I remember one night when I was sleeping over, you woke me up at, like, 2 or 3 in the morning. “Ugh, what?” I groaned. “Just come on, follow me.” You led me to the kitchen. “No Surprises” by Radiohead was playing softly on the radio, not loud enough to wake anyone. “Riley, what is-“ “Shhh.” You pressed your finger against my lips. It was dark, I mean, d-a-r-k. We couldn’t see a thing. You grabbed my hands and put them on your hips. Then I felt the warmth of your arms against my neck, and felt you begin to sway to the music. I swayed with you. It was just us in darkness, slowdancing to Radiohead. When the song ended, you stopped. You grabbed my face and bent it down towards you, then kissed my forehead for a long time. “Thank you. That’s all I wanted. You can go back to bed now.”
>>609788070 Little moments like that made up our relationship. I can’t even begin to describe how happy I was when I was with you. I can remember so much of everything. The countless sleepovers, the all-night-long sex marathons. The Netflix season-a-day binge watching of Breaking Bad, How I Met Your Mother and The Office. The Robin Williams/Kevin Spacey/Quentin Tarantino movie marathons. The endless Vines and YouTube videos. I remember the fights, the food, the drinks, the laughs. Meeting your parents for the first time, you meeting mine. The countless inside jokes we never let people in on. The socials with Nick and Lauren and Joe and Kevin and Hannah.. The text message conversations, the Snapchats and selfies. Playing with the dogs. Bringing over food when you were on your period, you making me soup and crackers when I had the flu. You helping me with midterms. The all night study sessions. The naps on the red couch. The coffees. The video games, going to the mall, the movies, the bowling alley with everyone even though we were all awful. The parties. Us spending half our paychecks every weekend at the bar. Going to your musicals. Seeing the Chicago Symphony orchestra. The out-of-nowhere kisses. I remember it all.
>>609788159 I remember the sound of the impact. The boom. And everything happened in an instant. The screech of the tires, the complete loss of control. When the car pulled to a stop. I remember the bloody taste of copper in my mouth, the sharp stinging in my left leg. I remember the smell of the twisted metal, the burning plastic, and the gasoline spilled on the street. I looked at you. You hit your head of the car window, and blood was dripping down your face. You looked at me, and with the faintest voice asked, “Are you okay?” “Yes, Riley. I’m fine,” I lied. I held back my tears. I tried my best to not scream from the pain. I didn’t want you to freak out. You started to cry, “Am…Am I okay?” “Yes, baby, you’re fine,” I lied again. I started to hear sirens, “Help is coming, alright, Ri?” “Michael…I can’t see anything.” You looked around the car looking really confused and frightened. “Don’t worry, Riley, don’t worry. Everything is ok.” Then you said something I’ll never forget. “Michael, I can’t do this.” You breathed heavily, and started to fade. You fainted. Tears came flowing out of me. Every time I jerked when I cried, sharp pain on my left side. As the sirens got louder, I started to black out.
>>609788228 I woke up about 5 minutes later in the ambulance. Everything was happening around me like a scene in ER. “Riley, Riley, where is she? Is she alright?” “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.” The ambulance medic told me. I leaned back and just wept.
Fast forward to 3 days later. I was finally well enough to leave my room. You were the first and only person I wanted to see.
>>609788346 I walked in. Your head was wrapped, and both of your eyes were black. You had tubes in your nose. The pain I felt in my heart seeing you like that was just…insurmountable. It was infinitesimally worse than any physical pain by the accident. Broken bones I could handle…seeing you like that, I could barely do it. You were asleep, so I sat there and held your hand until you woke. I had my phone, and I played “No Surprises,” by Radiohead over and over and over again. I wanted it to be the first thing you hear when you wake up. I saw your eyes open. They were glossy and red. I could tell you were in pain, and just like in the car, the tears flowed out of my eyes to see you like that. “Riley.” “W-Who?” Your voice was soft and scratchy. “Riley it’s me, Michael.” I said through the tears. “Hey…loser.” You smiled. I smiled through my tears, “Hey, Ri. I’m here.” “Mic-ch..ael…are…y-you al…right?” You could barely breathe through the syllables. “Riley, I’m absolutely fine…I love you so much, Riley. I love you so much…You’re gonna be alright, okay?” “Ilove…you.” You inhaled sharply for the last word, “back.” “Just get some rest, Riley. I’ll be here.” You nodded and when you closed your eyes, and tears fell down the sides of your face.
>>609788414 I squeezed your hand, and went outside. Your parents, my mother, Nick, and Laura were out there. All of them crying. They told me that the times you’d come to, you said my name, and only my name. Each of them hugged me, except your father, and went into the room to see you. Little did I know that those were the last words we’d ever say to each other ever again. Had I known that at the time, I probably would’ve said something different. Your wake was nice. It was difficult to go through all the pictures of us, but I managed. Oh, as a side note, you were a really cute baby. They let me pick the music. Talking to family and friends wasn’t difficult. Many tears were shed at the beginning in private with everyone, but it ended up being not that bad of a time. It was a beautiful day to have the worst day of my life. Your mom offered that I could stand in line with them to shake people’s hands, but I denied. I couldn’t have done that. Your mother is a strong woman, you know. So is your dad. At the wake, your father and I both had tears in our eyes and he gave me a firm long handshake. He told me, “You know, I never liked you…but now I wish I had. Because you made my little girl so happy.” I broke the handshake and hugged him. It caught him off guard, but he hugged me back. After everything, it was me, Nick, Lauren, and Hannah drinking at the bar. We bought everyone a round. They paused the music and everyone got quiet for our toast to you. Nobody dare sat in your favorite barstool.
>>609788562 I visited the corner where we crashed the other day.. I always find a way around it when I’m driving…I just can’t revisit the memory sometimes. It’s been months, but there’s still broken glass and chunks of plastic on the street from the cars.
I think about us every day. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think of you. But I really need to say goodbye. I think that's why I'm writing this letter.. I’m taking down most of the photos of us around the apartment…I just can’t bear to look at them anymore, Riley. Don’t worry, you’re still tagged in all the photos on facebook. There’s one picture I’m keeping, and I got it framed. It’s the picture of us from the bar, the night I found out you liked me. I miss you.
So here's my confession, /b/. I go to her grave at least once a week, sometimes less. When I go, I just lay there for about an hour. Just lay on top of it and talk to her. It's awful. She was my best friend....I wrote this letter about a month ago, but I still haven't put it there. I'm too afraid to say goodbye. That's my confession.
>>609788751 holy fuck anon. im in tears and for me that isn't a usual thing trust me. Im so sorry please stay strong. If you need anyone to talk to i'm here for real i may not be the best person to talk to but its atleast someone who you can talk to about anything
>>609790263 That was my favorite, when people said that. I sat down with me and Ri's friend Nick and he just told me something like,
"Listen, man. Everone's jugging you and telling you that it's gonna be ok. It's gonna be hard to deal with. But Michael, listen. I'm not gonna bullshit you. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that it's all ok, cuz it's not. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that I can make it better for you, because I can't. All I can be is here for you, and that's what I'm gonna be. I love you buddy. And I know you loved Riley. Let me know if you need anything, alright? Let;s go get drinks."
That night when we were at the bar, he quoted family guy. We used this quote all the time amicably, but this time it was real. He looked at me and said, "Let's drink 'till we can't feel feelings anymore." And we did.
back story: Currently studying at uni in Umeå, Sweden. For three years up until last summer I lived in Kiruna, all the fucking way up north. I moved there when I was sixteen because fuck my home town and everyone in it.
>last tuesday >been out geocaching, come home at ~8PM >one of my house mates watching tv >"why you watching this survivor crap, man?" >"see that guy? a pal of mine, we used to go swimming, great guy. >"cool" >whatever >less than one hour later >beep beep, got a text >it's my good friend and old roomie from Kiruna, still living there. >"I know we don't text much, but i gotta ask. Did you hear about the crash?" >"no, what?" >"google it" >there had been this glider plane con or camp or something >one of the gliders broke down mid flight, just torn to shit in mid air >pilot made it out OK, passenger did not >text him back >"jesus dude, a guy died?" >"not just 'a guy', E died." >E was in the grade below me during my Kiruna years. >Great kid. Bright, funny, generous and all those saccharine adjectives. >Most of all, he had a future >"are you fucking kidding me man?" >"no. he's gone." >"fuck..." We weren't even that close. Of course I miss him, but I had already accepted not seeing any of my Kiruna peers ever again. My loss and grief was already over. I guess I always thought I might see 'em again, you know? Someday.
What really fucking got to me was the contrast. I think I may have learned something very important here, I just have to figure out what. Coming home, seeing your house mate watch his buddy on TV. Moments later I find out this friend of mine died. Fuck.
Sorry for the wall of text, I don't even know if it's coherent. I guess I just needed to vent, and if you read this far, thanks for letting me.
I'll leave you with this: I am really fucking proud of myself, that my first thought was "Holy shit am I glad I got to know him."
Be me. Angrier than usual angtsy 14 year old. Used everyone and everything. I hated everything with a passion. Shouted down my father, my mother anyone who showed me any kind of affection growing up. Didnt matter.
December 4th 2007 met a woman who changed me inside and out.
She said i could be a better person if i tried.
She asked me out. "Fuck it. New toy."
I abused the shit out of her, emotionally. On and off with her, keeping her at arms distance. I was still fighting, hating everything.
"Anon, you can be a better person, i trust in you. You have the potential to be a great person one day."
"Fuck off bitch blah blah."
Weve been together for two years at this point. Through everything i put her through. And i mean i put the broad through hell and back.
I cheat on her. Not just on a physical level, but an emotional level. I open up to this new girl. She got closer to me in a month than the other did three years.
The 1st broad says
"Its okay.. I still have faith in you. You'll do the right thing. I love you."
Blah blah blah.
Fast forward six months of not talking to 1.
Suddenly.. I get this urge that 1 is the love of my life. I realize that she was there with me through my worst.. She helped me kick an addiction. She helped me get ready for the service (army)
I go back to her.
"Im sorry.. I dont know what happened to me.. Please.. Accept my apology. I want to try us again."
"Yes.. Yes anon. You said sorry, the first time I've ever heard you say it."
Skip three years. I treated her like a queen. She was my queen. She gave me a purpose. A meaning to my life. To make her happy ment everything to me.
I ship for basic on my 19th birthday. I get injured and discharged. Im falling apart. Shes there, she helps pick me up, and put me back together. We get married december 4th 2013. We promised to love each other no matter what. We will find a way through everything.
Around the corner I have a friend, In this great city that has no end; Yet the days go by, and weeks rush on, And before I know it a year is gone, And I never see my old friend's face, For Life is a swift and terrible race. He knows I like him just as well, As in the days when I rang his bell, And he rang mine. We were younger then, And now we are busy, tired men: Tired with playing a foolish game, Tired with trying to make a name. "To-morrow," I say, "I will call on Jim "Just to show that I'm thinking of him." But to-morrow comes -- and to-morrow goes, And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner -- yet miles away,... "Here's a telegram sir,..." "Jim died today." And that's what we get, and deserve in the end: Around the corner, a vanished friend.
>>609792545 I post that poem in every baww/feels thread I find. I find I need them often, honestly. They're one of my favorite things about /b/.
But I'm off subject, let's talk about friends. Absent friends, to be more specific. Their absence is just as noticeable as their presence. That text that goes unanswered. That empty seat at your table at lunch or at your favorite restaurant. The space on the sidewalk where they used to walk beside you. You start to wonder where they are and what they're doing. Maybe they moved away. Maybe they're married and starting a family. Hell, maybe they're dead and spending eternity in whatever alternate dimension dead people go to.
But a thought creeps into your head as you ponder the lonely hours, and although you may not want to believe it, it's probably true:
They are happier now than they ever were with you.
Less than 6months later she cheats on me and tells me she wants a divorce. It broke me on so many levels. I feel like everything i know about being a good person falls to shit. I doubt myself. I hate myself. It was my fault. I hurt her. Its karmic justice.
Skip six months.. She shows up to where i live.
She's on her knees begging me to take her back, that shes screaming, crying. Ive never seen her this emotionally confused and distraught in my life.(even with what ive done to her.) Shes clinging to my pants staring me in my eyes.
"Please please it was a mistake i love you. Come back come back. Anon im dying without you. We promised we would work through anything thrown at us. Please let us try to fix us."
And at that moment, i was given a decision. Take the woman who made me the man i was.. Or betray my best friend who had given me a home to stay at, took care of me for three months til i found a job.
If out of spite, or pure rage, in that moment in stared into her eyes.
"you're dead to me."
And since that day, i feel as if I've been dead inside. My life was thrown into a mess. I dont know what stopped me from putting a bullet in my head, and in still dont. Its 2015 and im still single. I cant get close to anyone, ive tried. I feel as if im alone in this world without the woman i considered to be my guardian angel.
I know my best friend can tell something isnt right, but he hasnt approached me about it. He knows how much it killed my emotions. He sat by me hugging me as i cried my eyes out several times.
>>609793102 Currently live in phase 4, gurgaon, (well at least for the next couple of days).
To be completely honest, my situation most probably will only be just temporary. I have an undergrad degree from one of India's best colleges. And I'm an extremely fit guy. (shouldn't get robbed out there). Or at least that's what I think.
May I know where you came across the info? Insanely helpful at this point
>>609795290 okay well i hope it is only temporary and you succeed in the future! i spent a while just searching various websites to find them. Probably not the best thing to do at 2am when i have to be awake at 5am for an exam but eh whatever lmao
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