Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network issues. Refreshing the page usually helps. The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact. You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random
>>610533977 So, I have not prewritten anything and it might not be sad as I'm not a good writer. However, I guess I'll just start
>be me >14 year old male back then >have gf, quite a few friends, parties every other weekend (germany, I'd like to think it's quite usual drinking with 14+ here) >lifeisgood.png >drinking buddies are not friends with gf so we're off without her mostly >sometimes she'll join us >one day a mutual friend of gf and me joins our drinking >gf does not >everything's going good, we're having fun, it's a summer evening in a park >had a couple of problems with gf at that time (don't really remember what exactly, not important) >decide to just get wasted to hells >sadly I'm not the pass-out-type of drinker >start making out with mutual friend sometime later >she's pretty fucked as well >we get some hot fingering going >don't think about my gf at all because I'm drunk >other girl won't stop telling me that it's wrong >don't give a shit because I'm drunk >eventually fingering stops for whatever reason >probably too cold because we're in a park >we (the whole group) leave to get some all-you-can-eat at a nearby restaurant
>only important thing happening there is mutual friend and I (let's call her J) get talking and decide I should inform gf of what happened >but not tell her that it was with J >I was 14 so I didn't fucking know how I was tricked >of course, just a few days later gf and I break up due to the happenings >pretty destroyed after this, start drinking in the week with J (before we kept it to the weekends) >she didn't drink but she watched me and made out with me when I was drunk >one day she comes to school with quite some injuries >ask her where those came from, just curious >know her parents, they're not the kind that hits their children and it's obvious those wounds aren't result of a fall >this is where all began >a guy she used to know apparently did that >she tells me he had been stalking her for a while >watching her house at night, following her sometimes during the day >somehow managed to get her skype password >immediately worried as fuck >now she says he beat her up >crying herself to death in my arms >get drunk, she tells me he raped her
Though my memory keeps the next year rather secret from me, I'll try to describe it as good as I can.
Thanks for everyone who reads this, it feels good to get this off my chest
>during that time, I usually never went to bed before 1 or 2 am >J is usually offline at 10pm >one day check skype before going to bed, she's online >way too late for her >message her asking why she's still on >response is in really bad grammar, hers usually is perfect >think she's probably drunk as she always kept some jägermeister (pic related) for when she felt like shit >ask her >"nah m not" in German >totally legitimate >didn't know the bastard stalker (let's call him C) had her skype at that time >ask "who the fuck are you and what are you doing on J's skype?" >"are you one of her sisters?" >he's not >after some talking because he's dumb as fuck it's obvious who he is >the sick bastard that's making my life to hell >tells me to stay away from J, she's his >nope.avi >he is pissed, goes offline >next day I tell J that he has her skype and reads all her messages when she's offline >break down and cry myself to sleep
This continued for quite a while, things are not getting better or worse. I used to keep my chat log with him on my computer (copy pasted) but last year I decided to put a finish line and deleted it. Still not sure if it was the right thing to do.
>about half a year after the shit started >I visit J every week now, staying as long as I can >I live 1 1/2 hours from her, need to take the tram and then the train >she insists on taking me to the train >I don't really want her to because I'm scared >she won't hear nothing of it >we leave to the tram >about half an hour later I'm sitting in my train >just as it starts I get a call >it's J >"anon, I think he's following me" >would've instantly turned around even though it meant I wouldn't be able to return home after >but the train is already going >not going to pull the emergency breaks because I'm 14 >just hope for the best and ask her to keep me updated >"I'll be fine" she says >she doesn't sound like it >hangs up >half an hour later I decide to call her because I'm worried out of my mind >"no nothing happened he wasn't there" >she sounds scared and I can tell she's lying >suddenly hangs up, ignoring any later calls from me >two hours later I get the call that he raped her again
>>610540093 I'm 18 now, and quite a bit has changed since
>somewhere around there she gets weird >passes out more than once a day >like, full out for at least 5 minutes >she won't go to the doctor, won't tell her parents, won't talk to anyone except me and one more, call him D >used to be quite close to D, but things changed somewhat >he's friends with my ex from the first post and I distanced myself from her and her friends except J >anyway, I'm worried about J >talks to me about voices in her head, about being taken over by someone else >a voice in her head >be in her room, just sitting there, talking >suddenly she passes out >when she comes to, she's different >insults me, tells me to gtfo, gives me shit >I try to calm her down, this is so unlike her >a few minutes later she passes out again >when she returns she's her old self and doesn't remember what happened >later google this and find out about this thing called "Multiple Personality Disorder" >sounds fucking familiar
To this day I'm not sure how much of what she said was true because she has become quite the attention whore. But I can't help but believe most of it.
>>610534182 >cultural misunderstandings Fucking social services. Social workers themselves are legitimately some of the most selfless people out there, but even they get fucked by the messed up social service system. I've known a few, and they want to help, they really do, but they just get screwed by bureaucracy and it would mean losing their jobs if they intervened.
>eventually, almost a year in >she calls me that she's home alone and that C is outside and just rang the door bell >get up and call an 18 year old friend because he's got a car and lives close to me >he picks me and D up and drives to her place >when we're there around one hour later she's opening the door for us >crying >we're too late, she can't really talk >we decide it's best to clean up, D talks to her while we do >C has left quite the mess >hear J scream and run away from D, from the living room to the kitchen >slams the door behind her >I stand in shock for a few minutes, then go after her >who knows what she might do in a room full of knives >I'm 15 now but I'm not entirely retarded >sure enough she's got a knife in her hand >I try to stay calm and tell her to put it away >she looks irritated and goes about doing so >suddenly she cuts her arm, down the street not across the road >cut is about 7 centimeters long if I remember it right, I might not but it seemed like a lot >she drops the knife but remains silent >I call for the others to help me and get some kind of dishcloth or something to press on her arm >we makeshift-bandage her up because for some reason we either didn't have band-aids or didn't think of them >here we go to the hospital >after this we had to tell her parents, J asks me to explain
>>610542827 There are some striking similarities with a girl I went to high school with. Specifically I knew a brown girl named Nini who was picked on by a lot of people and was always really close to this one girl. >>610542827
>be 14 >just started a new school >immediately make friends in my class >a week into class I hear some girls talking shit about someone I didn't know. >they gesture over to this group and make pig noises. >she looks, the girls sneer and say something like "how was your dad last night" >another girl next to the one getting picked on grabs her arm and walks away with her. A couple of guys point and yell rug muncher at them. >buddy tells me that apparently the brown girl getting picked on had sex with her own dad >all my wuts >rumour was that she seduced her own dad and got caught by her mom. >her friend, Hanna in the story, Mckenzie in real life, is pretty much with her 24/7.
>I should mention that I have been quite depressed for almost that entire year >I had harmed myself and listened to edgy music >can't even describe how hopeless I felt during that time since nothing seemed to move forward >this is just on a side note though just so you know I wasn't completely untouched by this >anyways, finally things are happening >I tell J's parents pretty much everything >immediately things are happening, she gets psychological treatment in a closed institution >C is getting his ass sued, but due to the lack of evidence is not getting anything else than a warning and a notice that he now may no longer get close to J >nobody thought of me though >I feel like my life has lost all purpose, though I should be happy >turns out J, whom I'd been pretty close with for a year and whom I'd fallen in love with got together with D >I get tonsillitis or whatever the fuck it's called in english >pretty bad, 3 weeks into my sickness it turns out my tonsils have to be removed >now in hospital for another week, entirely cut off of everything, only my parents visited me once in 5 days I stayed there >I get out and celebrate this with the few friends I still have left after I neglected almost everyone for a year >I get drunk and eventually enter the train home >always got a knife in my pocket >can't remember shit but I know a foreign woman saved my ass by bandaging my wrist
Sorry for it taking so long, I'm saving these as I'm going on. Still someone out there who gives a fuck?
>>610546518 >September 11th happened and everyone started being extra dickish to the brown kids. >Nilaya especially caught a lot of shit. >kids were merciless >they threw food at her, one kid called her a sand nigger, it was bad. >I only talked to her a few times, once in school. It was in the library, I asked her about some reference book she was using and we made small talk >she was nice but very clearly desperate for any positive attention >very clingy towards Mckenzie. >even when I saw her after school hours she was clinging to her. >saw her on occasion in town with an older white man, I'm guessing that was OP. >She would always walk a little bit behind him. >almost like she was hiding behind him >people would stare but this guy have zero fucks >one kid made a shitty remark in the grocery store. He yelled something like "out with your new boyfriend" >I swear to god OP looked like he was about to hulk smash the kid. >just a pure, menacing glare I didn't realize the guy was her adoptive dad until after she died
>my mother doesn't notice because I'm quite cleaned up and hide my arm >I'm on my computer just feeling shit >start cutting again >somewhere around 3 am I think my mother found me >barely awake, my whole table full of blood >surprisingly, while she flips, I stay entirely calm >clean up, bandage myself, lay in my bed >next morning we go to the hospital to get my arm checked out >it needs to be sutured but I'll be fine >still have this ugly scar on my wrist >get some counseling for a few weeks >my therapist asks me to tell him about me >who I am, what I do, what my problems are >I don't know him >I can't talk to people I don't know, I'm quite shy now and it was even worse then >we decide to give up as it's no use >I say I'm fine now >actually manage to keep up the mask, even today >I got better >at least I keep telling that to myself >I'm not sad anymore >just so tired of life >lacking any motivation >I'll be done with school in about 5 weeks and then what? >all I want is to move out, get some shitty job I can live on and make music >all of this shit happened to me because I got wasted once and couldn't control myself >fuck my life
This is it, I think. I'm sorry for any typos and grammatical errors, I'm not native. Be assured that this shit is real, even if it doesn't matter. Sorry if especially this last part is a little half-arsed, I get sick of writing when I do it too long. Thank you for reading, /b/.
>>610548436 just keep trucking on my friend. it's incredible how time really does heal. you won't forget but the pain of the incident will dull and lessen and in the end you'll be stronger and wiser for having gone through all that.
hey guys, i don't usually post here, i'm just a hardcore lurker, but i feel so pointless. i'm 20, i have what you can call a "good life", had girlfriends, have awesome friends, have a brother i love more than anything, my familly is kinda fucked up but it's managable. I need people around me to feel alife, when i'm alone i'm just an empty shell, melancholic, lazy, worthless waiste of space. when i was a kid, my bro had some really bad health problems, so my parents took care of him and i had to stay at my grandmother for a long period of time. i was so jaleous of him at the time because i always felt like he had more attention than i did. he always was the perfect son, good grades at school, hard worker, fit, easy temper ... when i was a teen i figured out a way to get my parents attention, i always acted sad and locked up, hoping that they would come up to me and ask me why i was being so grumpy. they did, many times, but in my desperate quest for attention, i always shuted them off... This became a lifestyle for me, uneless now, i'm sad and depressed for real. i don't know what to do bros. i'm stuck inside myself, i know the problems i have are inside, i know the solutions but i can't apply them. i'm so stuck. i know you can't help, and that you probably don't care because you have problems of your own. still. needed to get it out. i don't know you, i love you anyway.
>>610548185 >When she died, everyone knew it was suicide >what I remember most about Nilaya's death is how little people cared. >the Principal made an announcement >and that was it >no one shed a tear >a couple of people make some jokes about it (this was like a day after) >teacher told them off about being insensitive, but she clearly didn't care either >a week later Mckenzie is back >I see her in the hallway >messy hair, dark rings under her eyes, >looks like her entire fucking world just ended >someone shouts "guess your girlfriend won't be hanging around anymore" to her >she throws her bag at them screaming fuck you over and over. >collapses into sobs >Is dragged away by her friends. >She switched schools practically that week, and that was the last I ever heard of her.
>>610548436 Thank you for sharing, Mr. Anon. I wish you all the best. I know things will turn around for you. They just take time. You can do it. Is there anything that you enjoy doing that you can do professionally? That's kinda what helped me out.
>>610550068 well, not really. that's why I'm going with a shit job that doesn't pay much, but requires little time. I'd love to keep making music because well, that's what I've occupied myself with lately
>>610549641 >I'm too unmotivated to kill myself anyways, so might as well keep going somehow
That was always my problem. Even on my worst nights I couldn't do it.
I made a to-do list full of simple stuff that I knew I needed to get done in order to "successfully" kill myself. It was stuff like: write letters, buy envelopes and stamps to send them, find out the traintimetable (I lived near a busy line with lots of trees sourrounding it, that wya I could easily get into position without anyone seeing me and calling the police until it was too late).
I taped this list to the wall by my computer. I never did a single item on it (except for buy envelopes because I needed those anyway). I got better but it was helpful having it there, that way I knew if I ever did need to kill myself it was all neatly planned out. I threw it away six months after I made it.
In the three years since I made that list I have not told a single person of it's existance. Not my close friends, family, gf, all the counsellors I've seen. No-one. Now I'm telling it to a stranger on 4chin, and I'm getting the urge to write anotehr list.
>>610550669 Just don't let it become draining, know that you're moving towards better things. That's great that music is something you can enjoy. Someone once told me the ability to make music is something no one can take from you. Pretty rubbish on an acoustic guitar, but I play the sax really well. What instrument do you play?
>>610551557 I thought about creating a list like that, too. But instead I collected ways to kill myself on /b/, tried gaining as much information as possible to the easiest possible death. And that list became part of the way I think. It's just something I've always got in the back of my head and even that helps. Thank you, seriously. These threads really seem to be the best counseling one can get.
>>610551620 I play acoustic guitar as well, not so bad if I don't misjudge myself. Also, I'm rapping a little bit in German. Rap is great for me because you can include a lot of text in your lyrics, something I've been missing with most other genres.
>>610553041 That's awesome! I can play like two songs pretty well, but that's about it. Very cool, some of the deeper songs I've heard have been rap. Not like the mainstream radio crap, but to be negative it's just not my thing, but there some very talented artists out there. I'm actually really intrigued by German rap. Sounds like it would be intense.
>Had an adorable cat. Her name was Smokey and she followed me around everywhere >Always slept in my bed at night, was always there to greet me at the door when I came home from work and all that cute shit >Lived alone with her >Came home one day to find out she had gotten knocked up >Can't really afford to keep kittens but I was all for giving them a new home >Fast foward a few months later >My cat is too small to handle all the kittens she's birthing. Can't produce enough milk to feed all of them. >6 kittens came out of her. She died about a week or two later >Raising these kittens on my own. They were too young to raise without their mother but they somehow pulled through >I shouldn't have given them names but I did >Started getting attached >Few more months later, finally old enough to start giving them away >Didn't have any trouble finding homes for them except for one kitten >His name was Ritz, was grey just like his mother >Had him for a few more months before I finally found someone that would give him a home >The man was a redneck. Had a farm and wanted a cat that'd chase mice away >Was considering just keeping the cat but the man offered $100
>>610553884 I see where you're coming from, I didn't like rap for a long time either, until I stopped hearing it and started listening. Actually, most music has gotten better since then, except most songs on the radio. Honestly though, German rap really isn't what it used to be. It changed both for better and for worse. We've now got hipster rap, actually deep rap and gangster rap, two of which I don't really enjoy as much. But I'll take what I can get.
Is anyone else here kind of stuck in their life? I have a lot of depressing days since about two years ago. Every now and again I have a good and productive day, but mostly I feel sad and purposeless.
I think a lot about my life. The way I have just a couple of friends who I only see ever so often, my chosen degree is fairly worthless but too far along to quit and I can't even have fun with games, movies and tv series anymore. The fact that gfs only stay with me about 3-4 months until they've had enough of me.
>>610554646 I'm kind of a total hippie, so the music doesn't usually sit right with me. I like Sage Francis, Slug, Atmosphere, and begrudgingly Del the Funky Homosapien. Most the time I just listen to my hippie stuff. Our hipsters are pretty worthless here. They just walk around whining about the street musicians. It's pretty annoying to be called cliche when you're just playing music to play.
>>610554418 >A few days after I sell Ritz, I get a call on the phone >"Hey anon there's something wrong with your cat." >Demanded he got his money back saying I sold him a sick cat >Was freaking out worried about Ritz >Hauled ass over to his place to pick him up >Found out he'd been keeping Ritz in the barn the whole time locked up >He laid there paralyzed from the neck down >I gave the man the money back and drove straight to the vet >"There's nothing we can do about your kitten. Looks like he may have gotten into some kind of poison" >Ritz had gotten into the insecticide >"He's suffering. You'll need to put him out of his misery" >Drove home crying, beating myself up over not keeping Ritz >I sat there on the couch holding Ritz bundled up in a towel >He couldn't control his bladder so occasionally he'd wet himself >Started having troubles breathing, letting out softer and softer mews and his purring was slowing down >Stayed up the entire night holding him, trying my hardest to bring myself to ending his misery >Sun comes up. Wrap my hand around his neck >Can't stop crying, squeezing tighter around his neck fighting every urge to stop >Doesn't put up any struggle >Feel his heart stop, body hanging lifeless on my lap >Bury him in the backyard where I buried his mother >Still have nightmares to this day of strangling kittens
>>610556823 I always took the view that while God would be dissapointed with you for doing it, he would understand and would still let you into heaven. Nobody (with the exception of Jesus) is perfect, and if an all powerful, all loving and all knowing deity can't understand that then maybe he isn't a deity worht being worshipped.
This view has got me kicked out of bible studies before.
have a story of mine /b/ >be me >be born handicapped >my dad couldnt take it so he'd go out drinking often >he'd often come home and beat the living shit out of my mum >i just lay in bed, with my handicapped legs not being able to do shit >just scream out of fear >one day he takes off back to his homeland >he says he wants to stay in touch >fuckyou.jpg >at 13 i tell him i want no contact with him what so ever >he shows up at my house every now and then threatning me and my mom >will turn 18 soon and i just know hes gonna show up i dont know what to tell him or what to do if he does show up
>>610556415 You can say what you want but all my pets are a part of my family. Having to put down Ritz felt like losing a child to me and knowing it was my fault only made me feel that much worse. I did find a new kitten though just last year. Found her in a parking lot on my way home from work. Practically followed me to the car and looked too young to be out without her mother so I took her home. She was really sick but I got her back up to health. Saving her made me feel a lot better about what I did to Ritz.
This guy yesterday said that after the thread 404'd he was gonna kill himself. At first I didn't believe him but the more he told us about it the more I knew he was being serious. I hope you found peace in the afterlife, /b/rother.
>>610560381 If we were normal and happy we wouldn't be on 4chan, don't you think? Sure a lot can go wrong but isn't there anything that keeps you in this world? Times can suck but if you seriously had absolutely nothing in this world you would'ave killed yourself, dont u think?
>>610532095 These feels threads really show the true faces behind us anons, it's alright guys - we all have our rough days but we get back up and it makes us a better version of ourself. Life isnt just a rollercoaster of ups, it's a rollercoaster of ups AND downs. You have to walk through the mud in life to get to the higher ground, and once you get to that higher ground - then the worlds your playground.
>>610563215 I'll admit it, sanon's back at it again and it required the id on the post, doesn't mean I didn't mean it though, I just think of 4chan as a way to show an exagerated version of our shitty selves so its not as hard out there
>>610555887 You just have to find a purpose to keep going. If your just buckled down and accepting that your purposless thats when you are screwed, find something to keep you going in life, find a purpose to keep living every day trying to become a better version of yourself. The winners in life are those that have the shittiest of days, and can bounce back up, and when you bounce back up you learn from what you have done wrong. One day you will get a girlfriend, one day you will find a purpose, one day you will be productive and meaningful, all of this will happen ONE DAY my friend.
This is a story about love lost, and gained. About someone I'll never forget, and about the collapse of my life It's going to be quite long, but I guess that's okay.
Let's start at the beginning. To get some perspective, you need to know about my upbringing.
>Be 1991 >parents been together for two years >Dad's a raging alcoholic >Mom's obsessed with him and can change him >In one year after being born, rushed to the emergency room 3 times for swallowing broken glass (from whiskey handle) Also had a seizure. Doctors now think that was from trauma.
>Never went to pre-school so I never actually learned what I needed to. Got to elementary school, and was made fun of for not knowing enough >anon you're stupid ect >3rd grade >excema all over skin Things at home have gotten worse. Dad throws mom into the wall, and tells me I have a pretty ass. Everyone at school thinks I'm annoying. One girl one day even put glass in my waterbottle on the playground
>get into superintendent's wife's class. Have undiagnosed severe adhd. >I struggle to focus one day, so she makes me sit outside and do my classwork >110F Heat because the south >Tell my mom who tells me to be good >Eventually start failing out of 3rd and 4th grade >Get psychological evaluation >Severe ADHD, OCD, Anxiety disorder, Clinical Depression >Go to a doctor to get on some medication for ADHD >Not working >up dosage >not working >up dosage >by 5th grade my liver is nearly at the point of failure because I'm over an adult dosage of conserta >Incredibly thin. Most girls my age have some sort of developed breasts now, I have nothing. (Also think it's the reason I'm infertile/never had a period now, at 23) >All the while "anon you're annoying" >Tell my counselor it's easier to sit inside on neopets, than make friends >Bring friends over, and either go to my room and they get bored and want to go home, or scare them off by being awkward
>be in 5th grade >babysitter comes over for me and my brothers
4chan, the place were I come, I post in threads and share my thoughts. I'm called a freak and a loser by some. But when my heart is a bunch of knots, I will always have a friend here on /b/ And despite our brief time together, It feels good to let me emotions free. But now 404, and my friends are gone forever.
You know what gets me through life. Having belief in nothing and having no purpose. Some people think this is a negative way to look at life but, on the contrary, it helps me get through. Knowing that nothing I do matters makes me realise I can do whatever I want. Because of this, I kissed the girl of my dreams, completely out of the blue. And from that point on, I have been happy. I would never have done that if I had belief and purpose; because I would have thought it mattered. But, I know it doesn't matter so I do simply what makes me happy because fuck the consequences. And that, my /b/rothers is the key to happiness.
>>610565580 >First few times things go normal, kid cuzines, Homework, bed >3rd time, babysitter wants to cuddle >Little weird but whatever guy >Cuddle with him >He reaches his hand into my panties >Crawls over on me >"don't move" >proceed to scream >Elbows my jaw >Lay there whimpering as he eats me out
>This happens a couple more times before I get the courage to tell my parents, who get rid of him, and we get a new babysitter who's better
>Now have severe anxiety >Have to listen to a cd of white noise to go to sleep. Deathly fear of tornadoes and storms >Still not a single friend >Cry every night hoping someone will come to my aid >Start hanging out with my cousin a lot more, She's a lot older >takes me to ice cream shops every wednesday >Picks me up from school >Parents still flight all the time, but she's there for me >we play donkey kong on her n64, she's really sweet, and gives me all of her old clothes, talks to me about boys, ect >I remember one time we watched Titanic on vcr, four fucking tapes. (Or was it three, I don't remember) >Life is actually looking up despite home situation >Parents get me better medical treatment, go to posh private christian middle school, Start to heal, and get better. > Go on family vacation where dad molests me entire trip >Mom says "consider the source" >Tell cousin one day, who hugs me, and tells me its really hard and she's so sorry she cant do more >Gives me a really nice ceramic horse caurosel that makes music > Education makes things easier
>>610567551 >Molestation gets worse >Dad sinks back into alchoholism >We're not allowed to ride in the car with him anymore >be 6th grade and while I'm enjoying school, dad can't afford to give up any bank from his 2 lexus sports cars, or our 2,000 sq foot house to pay for my school or save for my college >Goes on temper tantrums where he destroys everything in the house >go to my cousin's house when things get bad > We paint, draw, color, sketch and do all sorts of artistic things > She's fucking amazing. She's a mural artist and does paintings on buildings > Meets guy and gushes to me about him >Excited for her hope I'll find my someone some day >Two years later 8th grade about to finish middle school >She marries him, and tells me she's going on a trip and she'll be back >Her parents don't know she's married him >"Don't tell will you?" >No >I've told her all sorts of shit about my dad and family she's not told anyone
>at school playing basketball tournament >Mom comes in sobbing >Walks over to me, an emotional wreck >"Lauren, Nicole has died. >Braindead >My life was never the same after that She died at 20, and was the only thing keeping me up. I'm now 23.
>Moving my stuff out for college last semester >went through my things, >stuffed behind my dresser I found this
Why can't I just move on. There's more cycles to what's happened to get me where I am now, but god dammit Nicole. I miss you. You were my best friend.
Am i the only one who comes here because they like crying? I am so depressed but i can never bring myself to cry over what has made me that way, I'm just dead inside. But for some reason these threads bring me to tears, I'm not sure why they can but they can and I feel a lot better if I get to let it all out. It's kinda funny how I have to use something else to cry over my own problems, but still, is anyone here the same?
>>610569724 >>610569570 I won't greentext because it's kind of short. So basically, 70% chance I'm dying. The doctors think I have a brain tumour. Constant headaches, passing out, consistent blurred vision, and more. I won't bore you with it. They've basically said that if I do have it, I won't make it to 2016. I told my [now ex] girlfriend this two months ago, and she broke up with me. 4 years down the drain, because I COULD be dying. I was gonna make it into a story, but I can't go on. Sorry guys.
>>610570073 >Go into highschool >public school >Same issues plagued me my entire life, topped with a loss of someone I considered so close >Dad still just as bad as he was before >Start to gain weight thinking maybe if I try, dad won't want to grab my ass and touch me anymore >it works to an extent. I don't become a landwhale, but just enough to where he leaves me the fuck alone >Go off all medication >Cs in school >Hate every second because I feel so fucking alone >LIterally sit in the bathroom and eat my lunch >No honest friends >Yearbook group literally wrote on a piece of paper and gave it to me "Biggest loser of class of 2010 >Pick my skin nervously because anxiety >Girls in class draw picture with big red spots where my skin is broke out >Things at home still bad >go live with conservatard gradmother for time because dad is too dangerous to be around >Try to hang myself one day from closet >pole snaps and I fall like a dumbass >I later found out my mom knew it happened but didn't say anything >Told myself that if things didn't get better after i got out of highschool that I'd kill myself
>First semester of community college goes ok, make new friends, and finally have a group >Dad gets kind of better, but I still have to have full time job to pay for community college >Switch majors several times, but finally find engineering
>"You can't do that, it's too hard and you're not smart enough" >The psyc eval I took when little I also took an IQ test. >140 something >Go to real uni with all my saved money >Meet guy >Perfect, charming, so gorgeous >Changed my entire perspective on what it means to be a man, and how one should treat a woman >Upon first date, I mention awkwardly that I have issues with my family and my father >He listened to all my spaghetti, and took it in stride
>Be me, 34 year old. >Grew up with lots of mental problems >Put a lot of strain on family >Branded "problem child" in early age >Regardless my father kept my spirits up >At age 7, gives me a teddy bear and says it will always have my back >fuckthatshit.jpg >Gives bear back to father >2 years later, father loses job, wife and custody of myself and sister >Spirals into deep depression > Father has episode >Tries to kill himself >I received a phone call while in primary school class >"Your father is in hospital, your mother is here to take you to see him" >Gets in car, endures screaming match of my mother claiming my father was a selfish idiot >Arrives at hospital and goes to father room >Finds father, a 65 year old man clutching the teddy bear he once gave me. >Starts bawling out crying >Nurse tells me his final words >"It's the little things that matter"
>>610570523 >>610570760 Thankyou guys. I've suffered from depression a lot of my life, and tried to become an hero numerous times. And now I'm realising it's not fucking worth it. /b/ro's, go out and live your lifes. I promise, even if I die, I won't forget how you guys cheered me up. You guys are awesome. Have some me.
>be 21, mum dies after long illness >was in a state of denial in the years leading up to it >refused to ever have that goodbye conversation with her despite her hints >attended a work conference for 3 days >I get an urgent call on day 2 to come home >she dies at home, in bed a few hours after i get home >6 years have since passed >spend every day wishing I could see her again, just once and tell her she was my best friend and that im so, so sorry I was a coward
>We have sex >second guy I've slept with >Flich away when he puts his hands to my face >Slowly, as time goes on, memories of my father, and the abuse go away >He loves me anyway >In his eyes, I"m not broken, My broken tips of hair, my big nose, and tiny fingers don't bother him Nor does my asymetrical boobs. >He puts up with my creative rants and building suits of armor for commission at 2am >He moves to ireland to be with his grandmother out of the blue a year after we're together >"..oh..ok anon, but we can still skype?" >"Sure" >relationship deteriorates >I'm falling more in love than I ever have with anyone. He loves me for me >Promises me he'll pay for my school, and buy me a new car and all these things >Believe it >None of it ever happened >Now I'm stuck between schools, And I've lost the two people I loved. The only two people who cared about me, didn't think I was weird, didn't think I was just a sex object, but truly thought I was someone special. Despite my anxiety, and depression and self destructive behavior, they loved me.
>23 >going to be 28 before I finish school >moved back in with parents >no money for uni >owe previous ui 730$ to get transcript sent to another school >Price keeps going up, can't pay it
>Stuck in an endless loop.
I told myself I'd kill myself if things didn't look up. Next saturday is the day. I'm jumping.
>>610572468 Don't do it. As I said before, so many things want to make you end your life, but when you're in a situation like mine, you'll realise you want nothing more than too live. Please anon. Don't do it.
>>610572867 My entire life has been a waste. I genuinely don't want to exist anymore. It's not as much of being trapped as it's just an exaustion. My entire life has left me emotionally numb. I have nothing left to give. No feelings left to feel. I just want it to end. I"ll go up to the mountains in colorado. Out in the middle of nowhere, bullet to brain.
>>610573110 I know the feeling of losing a close member of family, but not a parent. I can only imagine it being one of the worst days of my life. But just remember, no matter what you may think, she loved you with her whole heart, and nothing could ever change the way she would've felt. I believe in you bro.
>>610573349 Look, if you're really going to do it, just remember that even though we're all crazy, we'll miss you. I love you anon, and I'm so fucking sorry that you had to experience what you have done, and I'm so sorry you feel how you do. I'll raise a glass to you when you're gone.
>>610568916 Holy shit, anon. That hit me right in the feels. Cheer up, you seem like a sweet girl. You've had a rough past, but the future keeps going, and now you're off on your own. Keep Nicole's memories alive, and keep pushing forward. I believe in you. She does too. You still have so much time to make something of yourself, don't sweat the small things. Good luck on your journey through life.
I'm going to tell you all the truth. The truth is that I was abused by every woman I've let into my life. I am successful and intelligent, but I am cursed with crippling loneliness that has me contemplating suicide every day of my life.
I've tried a few times, but I'm still here. Listen guys, there's a place from my childhood. I would like for all of you who will be departing this life to try and make it there for an evening. I'd like to share a drink with all of you, swap funny stories, and have one night where we aren't alone, aren't depressed, and aren't dead inside.
If you can make it, the one rule is no dwelling on the reasons that brought us together. Instead, lets just enjoy each others company. Who knows, maybe some of us will make it long enough to do it again.
>>610574604 To every anon in this thread, at 11:30 p.m. on Saturday August 29, meet me in front of Clarkson High school, in Mississauga Ontario. The front entrance is at Playford road and Bromsgrove. I'll be in a white shirt, with a backpack, maybe a hoodie, and a ring on a chain around my neck.
Bring some booze and food and we'll have a midnight picnic under the stars together before we all return to our shitty lives.
Sorry for my bad english 3 years ago I went to a little town in Germany as an exchange student with some other friends from class. Skip forward to the last night, they organized a party for us, it was cool, and that was the night when I talked to her for the first time. It was an instant connection. We spent the night talking and dancing, and when I had to go we both were crying. I was thinking that I would never see her again, and that broke me.
5 months after, the teacher announces that now we are going to host the german students. I was so fucking happy, we organized everything and she stayed at my house for the week. Everything is cool between us, and finally, the last day we had sex (the best sex I had in my entire life). The next morning she took a plane to Germany, and I have not seen her since. We keep talking for the next months, but it hurt so much that I decided not talking to her anymore.
Now I have an almost perfect life, have a gf that I love, good friends, studying what I like... but every night she comes to my mind, and I dont know what to do anymore
>>610558341 Damn anon, you bring back some memories. >be me >studying abroad >living around a mall >at night you could see a cat with her offspring sneaking around >fast forward a few weeks, the grown up cat hasn't shown up for some time >walking by the mall >hear a small snarl >look around, only to see the small kitty >try to approach it >it snarls a bit more >i decide to let it be >a few days later >walk by the main road of the mall >see the kitty's body in the middle of the road >feel shit because i could have prevented this somehow if i wrapped my head around it
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from them. If you need IP information for a Poster - you need to contact them. This website shows only archived content.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content you can contact me at email@example.com with that post and thread number and it will be removed as soon as possible.