OP this is boring
clearly you are going to end with one of the many predictable bullshit endings of 4chan fame
get it moving more quickly for fucks sake, you are losing interest from the mob
You use the remaining table leg in your inventory to go into FULL PIRATE mode. This is badass. Arr. Your capabilitys to walk are slightly hindered though, and you loose another heart due to blood loss. (3)
You use one of the table legs that broke off in the process of breaking the door as a replacement for an arm that you just ripped of right now. Blood loss blablabla you loose another heart. Your health is getting dangerously low. But on the good side! You are now 150% PIRATE! ARRRRRRR! (4)
You smoke just enough of the candle bong to get back into an EUPHORIC state. You replenish one heart, which you then instantly loose again as you replenish your last working limb with the last table leg. You are now in 200% PIRATE MODE. You are getting dangerously close to OD on awesomeness. Also you are pretty much useless now.
OP YOU SPASTIC IT IS LOSE NOT LOOSE
your asshole is loose from fisting yourself, but you will never lose your viginity
kill yourself and you shit story too
Since OP can't remember how the fuck a xenomorph looks, and is too lazy to google it, a BADLY DRAWN XENOMORPH appears. You are incredibly scared since, without limbs, you can't defend yourself. How will you get out of this one /b/? (6)
In a move of desperation you decide the only thing that can save you is becomming 250% pirate. You take a hit from the candle bong and remove your torso, quickly replacing it with the rest of the table. The Xenomorph is so impressed that he gives you his head as a present! You are now 250% pirate 50% xenomorph and 100% sure that the author doesn't understand how percentages work. (7)
You decide to eat the alien. Or atleast whats left of it. Since you've always been kind of a foody you want to tempura fry it. But you don't have a fryer here. That doesn't matter anyway since you can just eat it raw with your awesome new xenomorph head. Your MYSTERIOUS BAR is almost full! (8)
With your newly aquired XENOMORPH powers and your beautiful wooden wings you take upon the skys through the window! You are finally free! Thanks for playing /b/ It was fun! Cya!