So a man walks into a bar, and sits down. He starts a conversation with an old guy next to him. The old guy has obviously had a few. He says to the man:
"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!"
The old guy looks around, and makes sure that nobody is listening, and leans to the man, and he says:
"but you fuck one goat..."
more of a riddle:
there are 4 houses: a blue one, white, green, and a red. Blue guy lives in the blue house, green guy lives in the green house, red guy lives in the red house. so who lives in the white one?
>durr the white guy
no dipfuck, the president lives in the white house, obama is a nigger.
A single woman gets a sperm donation from her gay friend
after devlering a baby boy she goes to the incubator to see her son and notices that in a row of 30 babies 29 are crying and screaming and only her baby is laughing and smiling
she asks the nurse "why isn't my boy crying like the resf of them"
The nurse replies "Wait until I get the thermomemeter out of his ass and he'll start crying too"
Two bogans are walking down the streeteen at 8 am, on the way to the bottle store.
They see a dog near some dustbins, licking it's balls.
"I wish I could do that." Says the one.
"Nah mate, you can't do that. The dog will bite you"
what's the difference between a marvel fan and an ISIS soldier?
the isis soldier has taste.
Knock knock. Who's there. Op is a faggot.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
what do you get when you cross a nigger &
a gay eskimo?
>an snowblower that doesn't work
Why do pandas have a child bearing problem?
It's because no one want's to fuck someone who looks EXACTLY like you do.
What has six legs, perpetually smells like a week old unwashed ballsack dipped in Taco Bell and farted on 96 times, and bolts down the street bellowing, "HODI-DO! HODI-DO! HODI-DO! HODI-DO!"
Three niggers chasing after a bus.
There's an assassin known to charge $1000 a bullet, one night he's at a bar and a man walks up to him. He hands over $2000 and says he wants his wife and the guy she's cheating with killed. They go to the hotel his wife is at and set up on the neighboring buildings roof. As the assassin sets up his rifle, the client says "I want you to shoot her in the head and then blow the guy's dick off". The assassin looks down his scope and waits for some time. The client asks what's taking so long and the assassin says "Wait a little bit, I'm gonna save you a thousand bucks."
A trucker is driving down the road and sees two black kids standing on the side of the road, one has a broken wheel... he pulls over and offers them a ride, with the condition that they have to ride in the back... "be careful" he says, "I am shipping a load of bowling balls, and they could hurt you if you mess with them..."
So he continues down the road....
he isn't paying attention and passes a weigh station.
A cop pulls him over and asks to see what he is shipping. The cop opens up the back and looks in only to slam it shut instantly.
He looks at the driver with a panic.
"Holy shit it is a whole shipment of nigger eggs, two of them hatched and started stealing bikes!"
shes busy sucking my dads dick, then shes moving on to me. get in line.
There's a poor dirt farming family in Ireland. All they had was this one milk cow. They turn the milk to cheese, sell at the market to buy food.
One morning, the father wakes up and sees the milk cow dead. He hangs himself in the tree.
The mother wakes up, sees the milk cow dead and her husband hanging and throws herself into the river and she washes up on the shore.
Oldest son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, father hanged and, by his mother who washed up on the shore, a female leprechaun.
She says " Looks like you're having a bad day". he say "Yes." She says "i'll make you a deal, if you make love to me 10 times in a row, I'll bring your mom and dad back, and the milk cow". He says "why not?". He almost makes it but fails, she kills him. Next son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, his father hanging & his mother & brother dead by the shore near the leprechaun.
She tells him "if you make love to me 10 times in a row, I'll bring you father, mother & brother back, and also the milk cow". He agrees. He doesn't make, leprechaun kills him.
Youngest son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, the father hanging, his mother & two brothers dead by the shore & the female leprechaun. She tells him "if you make love to me 10 times in a row, without stopping, I'll bring your father, mother and brothers back, and the milk cow". He says "Well, let's try it. BUT what if I make love to you 15 times in a row?"
She says, "In that case, I'll bring your father, mother and brothers back, even the milk cow and give you nice mansion where your hovel is".
He says "That's fine and all, but what if I make love to you 20 times in a row?" She says "If you make love to me 20 times in a row, I'll bring your entire family back, even the milk cow, give you mansion where your hovel is and give you a big pot of gold that will last you your entire life".
He says "alright let's get started in a minute, but first, if I make love to you 20 times in a row, what's to stop YOU from dying? The milk cow did."
So there are these 3 guys walking down the beach. A white guy, a black guy and a Mexican. They find a lamp, rub it *poof* genie pops out. Genie says
>you've each got 1 wish.
Turns to the black guy says
>What's your 1 wish?
Black guy says
>I wish all my African brothers were back in Africa happy and free.
Genie goes *poof* all the blacks are in Africa happy and free. Turns to the mexican and asks
>What's your 1 wish?
>I wish all my Mexican brothers were in Mexico happy and free.
Genie goes *poof* all the Mexicans are in Mexico happy and free.
Genie turns to the white guy and asks
>What's your 1 wish?
White guy says
>You mean to tell me all the blacks and mexicans are out of America?
So the white guys tells the genie
>I'll have a Coke then.
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years.
He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak.
His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail.
He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."
The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed"
At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.
A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."